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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest into the lives of others. Find out more at youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You can mentor. Welcome to the Youth Mentor Podcast.
Speaker 1:This is Zach. I'm with Derrick. Derrick, say hi. Hello.
Speaker 2:Hello.
Speaker 1:Derrick is at a coffee shop. I'm wearing a backwards hat. It's Friday. We're just we're just partying over here. And so we're excited to have you Mentor along for the ride.
Speaker 1:Derrick, how are you today?
Speaker 2:Doing well, sir. I'm excited. I know we can't talk about all of the excitement in this moment right now, but, we have some really cool things going on in our individual lives. But today, we hope that excitement bleeds over into this mentoring conversation. And so, let's go before, Zach's pre workout kicks in.
Speaker 1:So audience, I am about to work out. I am drinking a drink that you're supposed to drink before you work out. I'm a little amped. I'm wearing a backwards hat. The question is, am I too old to wear a backwards hat?
Speaker 1:I'm 43 years old. Am I too old or not?
Speaker 2:No. I think you're good. I think you're good. We call it a rally cap, don't we? When when it goes from front to back.
Speaker 2:We call it a rally cap.
Speaker 1:No. No. I think the rally cap is the inside out. It's like
Speaker 2:Upside down. Yeah. Sideway. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like the yeah. I think that's the rally cap. But the backwards hat is just like like, the backwards hat is just like, I think I'm trying to be cool, and I don't know if it's working or not.
Speaker 2:So I want the backwards cap also feel like I feel like the backwards hat also means you have to stand with your hands on your hip, and then you have to, like, stretch your hip in random places. Like, it's, like, officially dad mode. You gotta be, like If you if you wear the backwards cap, you also gotta drink coffee at 02:00 afternoon. You also have at least two kids. You also on your to do list is to rake leaves and do laundry.
Speaker 2:The backwards caps mean something else. So if that's cool, Zach, then you are cool, my friend.
Speaker 1:I have all those things on my to do list. Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh my gosh. So, like, maybe, like, the outfit I find myself wearing a lot is a tucked in T shirt, Bagrat's hat, and pulled up crew socks with gym shorts.
Speaker 2:So cool. So cool.
Speaker 1:So cool. Oh, jeez. Mentors, what are we doing? We're just you know, it's so hard to get old, and you're like, am I still cool? Am I not?
Speaker 1:Should I try?
Speaker 2:I mean, like, what is cool these days? Like, I think it's a big conversation we're not having.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Think so too. But here's a conversation that we are having, Derrick. It's five things that happen when a mentor says I am wrong. So I know we've had conversations before about the power of apologizing, things like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah. We're having this again because, man, it is, in my opinion, it is absolutely foundational, vital as a mentor, especially in these days. I I feel like authenticity, vulnerability, all those things is at such a premium, and really nothing brings those things to the top like saying I was wrong.
Speaker 2:So Yeah. Yes. And I think I I wanna, like, kinda broaden the, the wrong spectrum. Like, I wanna broaden the conversation because I think there's some little things that, you know, we're probably more easier or more willing to say I'm sorry about. I got the wrong birthday or I mispronounced your name or I thought we were gonna meet at this time.
Speaker 2:We're actually meeting at this time. Oh, you're allergic to shellfish. Like, there's some things that we can apologize on that say I was wrong about. And I think some of those things are really easy to admit. Oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:My I misspelled your name. You know, those things. But I wanna move from there to some really, really big things like some trauma response things or I didn't know that you would respond that way or I didn't think that would be a big deal or, like, I want us to be willing as easy as we are willing to admit that we forgot the favorite candy or the birthday or what class they had today or all those I want us to also be just as easy, just as quick, just as willing to admit that we were wrong and to apologize for those big things as well. And so that's what I wanna get into the the benefit of being able to say I was wrong and apologize in these five ways.
Speaker 1:And here's something that I wanna shift. I am coming up with this right now. Maybe it's the backwards hat. I don't know. But I feel like as a mentor, I am almost like whenever I say I'm sorry, and it's the same thing in my marriage.
Speaker 1:It's the same thing with my kids. It's like, oh, fine. I'll say I'm sorry. Like, I got busted. I forgot your birthday.
Speaker 1:Okay. Fine. I'm sorry. My bad. And I I wanna go from that I I have to once it's, like, really obvious that I jacked up to let me, in humility, look for opportunities to apologize.
Speaker 1:Knowing that when I apologize, it actually strengthens the relationship. Absolutely. So it's almost like the more I can apologize, the better. Now I'm not saying, like, makeup ways, but what I am saying is, like, maximize the opportunities to set the example of, like, hey. Here's what true humility looks like.
Speaker 1:Here's what it means to really apologize, not just for things that are obvious, but for things that might be a tad bit more hidden. And here's how it helps relationships across the board, whether that's mentoring or friendships or bosses, authority, marriage, anything like that. So
Speaker 2:And Zach, there's this balance of somebody that apologizes all the time and for everything, and so the the apology maybe gets a little watered down. Right? I I know we all know those people that, you know, they're like, oh, I'm sorry about that. I apologize. And it's like, wait.
Speaker 2:For what? Like, no. No. No. Like, no apology needed.
Speaker 2:But then there's those people that apologize for nothing. And, you know, they just their apology is, you know, maybe they offer you food, or maybe their apology is they're talking to you again. Right? There's no real no real acknowledgment of the error that I made, why I feel like that error was wrong, and I wronged you by doing it. There's none of us.
Speaker 2:So you have the extreme of somebody that, you know, the apology almost means nothing because they do it so much, and then the people that never do it, and so it's not expected. This is fine line in the middle that says, hey, you know what? I was I was wrong. I'll admit that. This is the the ways that I was wrong, and I wanna let you know, like, I'm actually coming to you.
Speaker 2:I'm initiating this conversation because and I know we're getting into it already, but what that does, it it impacts these five areas, these five ways. And I think when we started to to get into that, then the apology takes on a whole different tone, a whole different tenor, and it it invests in relationships in a very unique way, and only an apology can.
Speaker 1:And, Derrick, I think that that's spot on. And what I think of whenever I hear you say that is spirit led mentoring. It is and we've talked about this too, like, pace. Like, pace is so important. It's it's so vital to be at at a slow pace, at a good pace so that you have margin to hear from the spirit.
Speaker 1:And just being aware of his little, like, hey. Hey. You might wanna key in on this. You might wanna apologize. And to repent means to identify that you're going the wrong way and turn around and go a different way.
Speaker 1:And so and, man, just like
Speaker 2:you, Jim.
Speaker 1:People in the bible I mean I mean, we talked about this. Like, most almost everyone that the that the bible focuses in on as a man of God, as this, like, major character, they all messed up in, like, fairly significant ways. Like, we're talking talking about Moses killed a man. We're talking about David and Bathsheba. Yeah.
Speaker 1:We're talking about Abraham, like, doubted had faith. But Yeah. God God used all these people. He chose all of these people not because of what they did or or he didn't disqualify them for what they didn't do, but it was because they were humble enough to repent and to apologize and to walk in humility.
Speaker 2:You know, Zach, you said something that's really important when talking about spirulet mentoring. And I and I wanna tell you why it's so important for us to be tapped into the spirit, right, to be spirit led when it comes to connecting with others. Because what what I say or what I identify as wrong and what the other person may say or identify as wrong is completely different than what the spirit knows. Right? The spirit that lives in you and me can give us insight and wisdom to where we don't even know those things.
Speaker 2:Right? So it's like if I'm if if I have made a mistake and I admit it or maybe the other person has acknowledged an error in me, then what the spirit can do is allow us to speak to things that neither one of us acknowledge, but it's still valuable and important. Right? It's like, if if I'm being spirit led and I'm listening to the spirit speak to me about this moment, then there's some some very surface levels of like, yeah. I did that.
Speaker 2:I said that. I may even have some wisdom of being able to speak subsurface. But when you talk about the the spirit being tapped into the root of an issue, like, I can get insight into something by being tapped into the spirit that is not right. The the bible talks about it says that flesh and blood did not reveal those to you. There's some things that flesh and blood reveals to me that the spirit reveals additionally.
Speaker 2:And so when you're talking about being spiritual, being spiritual connection, having a spirit that is in you, I think the spirit speaks to a space that even either one of us are not tapped into. And when we can mentor or connect to others at that level, then it doesn't get any deeper than that. That is that is the root of connection if we're tapped in there.
Speaker 1:Man, and that is how I mean, what you're talking about right now is I mean, that is that is life changing. Like, that that is the the Lord using you to do his will in this kid's life. And and then okay. So five things that happen when a mentor says I'm We're talking about number one right now. Number one, when you model repentance, you do just that.
Speaker 1:You model it. You don't just teach it. You model it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think as mentors, we say a lot of stuff. We we say a lot of stuff. That's how you do what you don't do. But what I've learned in mentoring, you said this, you know, several times, a more is caught than is taught.
Speaker 2:Right? It's like, if I can model what it looks like you know what? I talk to my son all the time about, you know, taking the trash out and being kind to your sister and loving your mother and taking care of business. And I'm sure a lot of what I said has kinda gone in one ear and out the other. But what happens like, I know that he's he's caught it when I see him doing it.
Speaker 2:So not only do I say it, but I do it. I take out the trash. I open the door. I say I love you. I'm affectionate.
Speaker 2:I'm intuitive. Like, I when I model those things, the things that I model the most are the things that he replicates the most. And so it's not just teaching and talking about the modeling. It is really important.
Speaker 1:And I know for me, you know, especially with men, I just feel like men don't apologize as much as maybe they should. I don't know why. Maybe because they seem weak, maybe because it's a pride thing, maybe because it's Mhmm. I don't know. But Mhmm.
Speaker 1:I know a lot of people who will say to me, hey. My my dad never apologized. Like, I have never seen a grown man apologize.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And That's right. Especially in the context of your most important relationships, whether that's with my wife or whether that's with my my kids Yeah. Or whether that's with my friendships. Like, if you can involve your mentee in your entire life Mhmm. Including having them watch you in your marriage or watch them with your friendships or watch them with your small group, watch them with your kids, If you can model this re repentance, this true, like, hey.
Speaker 1:I am so sorry I hurt you. Like, will you please forgive me? You are giving them a, like, crash course in, hey. This is how you act as a mature adult who follows Jesus Christ. And there is nothing more important than that.
Speaker 1:So
Speaker 2:Yeah. You think about, like, your entire identity, the value that you bring being based on knowing and being right and being strong. Like, it it's like it it those are pillars of I know what's right, and I do the these things. When when you can't admit that you were wrong or that you did not know, then that is a direct reflection, a direct attack on some things that you've held very tightly to the most. Right?
Speaker 2:So if I'm like, I know. Right? What's the song? Mother knows best. Listen to your like, we just like, dad knows best.
Speaker 2:Listen to your father. It's like that and then you admit that you didn't know and that you were wrong. I think sometimes people see that as a a as a cheek in the armor as, like, a crack in my personality when in actuality, we're all flaws. You know? And we all make mistakes, and learning is a part of the process.
Speaker 2:And so I think if we can embrace mistakes and error and apologizing and admitting that we are wrong, I think it provides a more holistic and a more sound perspective and view of who men should and could be.
Speaker 1:Amen. That's good. Speaking on this brings me to my second topic. My second thing that happens when a mentor says I'm wrong is it normalizes making mistakes.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:And I feel like when you model repentance, not just teach it, you are showing, hey. Like, this is normal. I am a human being. You are a human being. You will mess up.
Speaker 1:And I feel like with me, so just so often whenever I mess up, I hurt their feelings, I say something rude, or they see me go off on my kid or go off on my wife, there's so much fear that goes on in me. Like, oh my gosh. Like, I'm gonna teach them the wrong thing or they're not gonna follow me because I'm not perfect or they're not gonna listen to me now. And I feel like when you can admit that you make a mistake and that, hey. This is actually normal.
Speaker 1:Like, this will happen to you often in your life. Mhmm. You are mentoring through faith, not fear.
Speaker 2:I love that so much.
Speaker 1:And you are giving the Lord you're basically saying, hey, God. I am going to repent. I am going to shine this mistake. I'm gonna put a spotlight on it. And, Lord, I'm trusting you that this is not gonna end our mentoring relationship.
Speaker 1:I have faith that me doing the right thing, me modeling repentance, me apologizing is only going to strengthen our relationship, not hurt it. It's not a strength. Right. And so but it's so important to normalize it because we are gonna mess up so often in our lives. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, I remember a lot. I remember I remember reading in the just kind of being very early on in my bible discovery of, like, what made Adam hide when he made the mistake? Right? I think it's, like, you know, it's it's that that human nature of, like, the fear of punishment and judgment and consequences. And it's it I say it all the time.
Speaker 2:Like, when my kids, I'm like, come to me. Like, come to me when you make the mistake. Come to me. Like, be honest. And I can't encourage that type of relationship when things are so punitive when people are honest, when people admit they're wrong.
Speaker 2:Right? It's like Adam was thinking, like, I have disappointed my father, and this awareness of his humanity was in the moment of, like, I'm naked, I'm hiding, you know, like, I did something wrong. And us thinking, like, yo, that's God. Like, go to the positive. We say that, but there's something that we've learned and observed about admitting fault that makes us not wanna do it.
Speaker 2:And so as a father, as a mentor, can I create an environment where mistakes are inevitable and repentance is priority? How can I create an environment where I admit that mistakes are inevitable, but repentance and reconciliation is priority? We're making it better. Learning from that mistake becomes the focus and becomes priority because it's high, clean environment where mistakes are inevitable and consequences are priority that I don't reinforce this idea of come back to me, like, admit it, let me know, because they don't wanna receive the consequences. They don't wanna, you know, receive the brunt of dad's, you know, you know, force or whatever the hell it is.
Speaker 2:And so I'm just reminding. I'm a remind that if we can create an environment where we acknowledge that mistakes are inevitable, but we're gonna work real hard. We're gonna prioritize that repentance process, the reconciliation, the restoration of you back on the pad. Like, I think if we can create those environments, then people would be more willing to admit their wrongs.
Speaker 1:Well, it's a shame. It's a fear based. It's a, like, you messed up, so you must pay for it and hiding versus this, like, grace, honesty, truth, like, in an embrace, like, when the prodigal son came back, and he thought he was gonna get just railed by his father. And instead, he was embraced. Like, that's what changed his life is the unconditional love and acceptance regardless of action and the apology, but the forgiveness and the grace, like, all of that happens when you normalize it and when you talk about it.
Speaker 1:Like, when when you take it from the darkness and put it into the light, then the Lord can use it. And when you mess up, when they mess up, and it will happen, it's either going to do two things and only two things. It's either going to tear y'all apart, create division, create space, or it's gonna bring you together. It's those things will happen, which lead us to the third thing, which is trust. Trust is rebuilt through the humility that it takes to apologize.
Speaker 1:And that is we both know in mentoring, there are few things more vital than building trust.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. You know, I think about, like, I was talking to a younger couple that just got together. And I was talking to the guy, he was talking about all these things that were deal breakers. And he didn't know if he could bounce back from that. And then I'm like, man, you know what?
Speaker 2:I'm I'm twenty four, twenty five years in the game. Man, I can't think of many things that could tear us apart. I can't think of too many. Right? Because it's like we've gone through those things, and those areas have been stitched tightly.
Speaker 2:We've we've come to those moments where they potentially were were divisive, but instead of us letting those things tear us apart, we, like, reinforce that. We stitch it with grace and forgiveness and understanding, getting on the same page. And so when it comes to that thing, like, nothing can pull us nothing can pull that area apart. And so we think about what trust and humility does for a relationship. It's like, I wanna be humble enough to admit that I did that, and I want to reinforce that area with trust.
Speaker 2:I wanna reinforce it with so you can trust me to not do this to you, and if that if something does happen in that area, I wanna let you know you can trust me to where it won't tear us apart. So what does humility and trust do for relationships? It does something that I don't think many other things can do.
Speaker 1:So it is the craziest thing Okay. How whenever you get in a fight with your mentee or they hurt your feelings or you hurt their feelings because you say something stupid or because you don't pick up on this cue. Mhmm. And then, like, the first thing that I think is like, oh, man. Like, we're in trouble.
Speaker 1:Like, he's gonna leave me. This relationship is over. This is bad, bad, bad. Yes. But, really, it's like the best thing that can happen.
Speaker 1:It's like the relationship doesn't get real until someone hurts someone else.
Speaker 2:Oh, say that again. Say that again. Say it again.
Speaker 1:The relationship doesn't get real till someone hurts someone else.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. Zach, look. Because everything is great when everything is great. Yeah. Everything is great when everything when when I haven't said anything that makes you upset, when I haven't done anything that annoys you, when I haven't rubbed you the wrong when I haven't done any of those things, of course, it's great.
Speaker 2:Of course, it's wonderful. But you you talk about this the the true strength of a relationship when you can go through something hard and difficult where we disagree and we still remain together and thought, that leaves us to number four. Right? We're talking about authority when when we're able to say we were wrong, we're able to model it, when we can normalize and make our mistakes, when we can establish trust through humility, like, is strengthened. That relationship is strengthened, not weakened.
Speaker 2:When I can go we we can go through something, when I can make you upset, rub you the wrong way, hurt your feelings, step on your toes. I I used to take dance classes with my with my my wife, and the instructor said, you're not dancing until somebody steps on somebody's toes. You you're not dancing. You're not really dancing. You you cannot tell me you are a true partnership.
Speaker 2:You are not a dancing cup until somebody has stepped on somebody's toes, and I think that can be said for mentorship. Until you say something that rubs your mentor your mentee the wrong way, until you hurt their feelings, until you've disappointed them, until you're not showing up the way they expected you to show, until that's happened, you you ain't mentored. You ain't been my mentor a long enough.
Speaker 1:Used to drink dance faucets?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Little Moringa, a little salsa, a little pachata. Yeah. A little two step. Yeah.
Speaker 2:We went to dance classes, bro. And my wife, man, she's legit. She's got some buttery hips. Like, she didn't know this. She'd be like, I love it.
Speaker 1:Man, is there anything you can't do? What's going on?
Speaker 2:Speak Spanish. That goes well. Alright.
Speaker 1:I love that. Okay. So let's go back through these. You model repentance. Don't just teach it.
Speaker 1:You normalize through making mistakes. Trust is rebuilt through humility. Authority is strengthened, not winkened. And this really is, like, the mentoring goal. The mentoring key, sometimes it takes a while.
Speaker 1:It might take a year, might take two years, might take six months, might take longer. Patience is is required while the Lord does what we're about to say because it's only by modeling the things that you learn through a relationship with Jesus through spirit led mentoring that this next thing happens, and that is the relationship moves from performance to to authenticity, to a real relationship. Man, it's it re reminds me of whenever I was dating my wife. You know? The first five dates, it's like, alright.
Speaker 1:I'm a look good. I'm gonna wear my best polo shirt. I'm gonna work out before we go on a date so my muscles look big. I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna open up the car door. I'm I'm gonna do all these things.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Then something happens, it gets authentic. And then, like, you start showing up, and you're kinda stinky. You know? It's like you might you might make that joke that you wouldn't have made on the first date. Yes.
Speaker 1:But that's when you really find out who who they are and who you are and how y'all work together.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And so, man, I do not want my mentee to think that they have to be perfect. I don't want them to think that they have to perform in order to get my love. I don't want them to be anyone else other than who they truly are, and I want them to be free to say what's on their heart, to
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:To speak about disappointments and to talk about dreams and to confess fears and to let me in, not just to the good, but into the into the nitty gritty, into the dirty, into the, hey. Here's something that I haven't told anyone. And that is authentic mentoring. And You're on. Apologizing makes you seem human.
Speaker 1:And when you seem human, it gives your mentee permission to be human. Yes. And that is when they will show up as their true authentic self, And that is when real things can start happening.
Speaker 2:You know, you talk about this is the the downside of performance. Like, one thing to think about you know? And I'm gonna take it to a very 50,000, you know, foot level. Because, like, performance, I think we kind of especially on in Western culture, I think we thrive on metrics and numbers and ability to point towards something as productivity. And and when you're able to perform this is this is one of the reasons that, I think socially, we're beginning to run into, this, this identity for people that we exalt because of where performance an actor, you know, an athlete, people who perform in an area well, we don't know what to do with their personality, right, with their personhood.
Speaker 2:It's like, we want to lock you in a box of performance, but when who you really are begins to shine through, we don't know how to reconcile the two. I don't know how to reconcile who you are as a human with who you are as a basketball player or who you are as a person and who you are as an actor or psychologist, as a business owner, who you are as right? We don't know how to reconcile those two. And I think and when it pertains to mentorship, I think that's something we should try to advance quickly. I think we should open all the doors to get to authentic authenticity first so that we don't have to shuffle through the performance.
Speaker 2:Right? It's like if I get a young person who feels like they have to constantly show up as a certain way, then I need to make them feel comfortable. This is where humility trust, limiting your wrongs, like, when we're trying to get through that step to figure out who they really are, because if we can spend the most amount of time there, we're gonna be most productive with our relationship. So this performance ideal, I understand we got jobs to do, we got things we gotta know, I understand that. But if we can be authentic and also be accomplished and perform as well, I think that's the idea.
Speaker 2:I also wanna kinda split this understanding of performance. Like, performance is as it pertains to I'm trying to put on a performance, right, like an actor, which means that it's not who I really am. I'm putting on something versus being productive. When you can be productive I don't I don't I don't wanna talk about that as much as I'm saying this performance of, like, I put on a mask and a hat and makeup and different clothes, and I present somebody who I'm not. That's the performance we're speaking about.
Speaker 2:And in mentorship, I really wanna get past the performance, authenticity, and spend most of my time there, because if we can deal with there, if we can connect there, that's gonna be the real fruit of our relationship.
Speaker 1:If if you are showing up in your mentoring relationship and you are a different person than you are in another area of your life, that is a red flag. So you shouldn't be one person at work and one person at home and one person at the gym and one person in your mentoring relationship. No. No. No.
Speaker 1:It's an integrated life. You should be the same person in all areas, and that is what we should thrive thrive. That is what that is where we should strive to be as a mentor is the same person. Doesn't matter if we're talking to our mentee, our wife, our kid, our boss, our best friend. Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so so, yeah, so let's let's live an integrated life where we are the same person showing up authentically in every area instead of pretending to be someone that we're not.
Speaker 2:Was that was my emoji. Have you seen the emoji where the the hands are like pink? It's the one eye. Oh, that's you know? And I know I know trying to show up a bit identically is tough because sometimes we wanna kinda manage the expectations of others because we know if we can manage the expectations of others, then we can gain access.
Speaker 2:We can kind of control how they see us and engage the best, and that is hard to do. That is so hard to try to manage the expectations of everyone in multiple spaces all the time versus just being yourself. And it may be maybe a hard reality to accept is that who I I naturally and authentically am does not gain me access to all places. But one the things that I find comfort in is what is for me. What is designed for me is for me.
Speaker 2:Right? I'm reminded that my gift, that my authenticity makes room for me. I'm I'm reminded of and that that's how it's being stitched together in my mother's womb, that there were plans made for me, that they were good to prosper me. Like, I'm I'm reminded, and if I can be rooted in that, then I wanna believe that I can easily admit when I was wrong. Yep.
Speaker 2:I can root myself in humility and truth that my authority is not compromised or that there's no sacrifice that I have to make in order to be with, in, around whoever. Because I'm being who I was created to be. I'm being authentic, and then the Lord knows that and that those places are secure and safe for me to do, especially when it based on mentorship, that I can connect in that way. Here's another thing. Authenticity is the the easiest thing to maintain.
Speaker 2:Authenticity like, when you just show up who you naturally are, like, that is the easiest thing to be because you don't have to perform to be it. Is this who you are? Zach, I don't got on a on a cell box, man. I'm so sorry, bro. You done got you done got me going, man.
Speaker 1:It's almost like you can mentor.
Speaker 2:Almost like. You can okay. You write it all the way back home.
Speaker 1:You don't have to be anyone other than yourself. The Lord in his perfection and his power can use you just like he used Moses, just like he used Peter, just like he used David. He can use you in all of your junk and all your now, yes, there's there's wisdom. You should be, you know, trying to become like Jesus. Yes.
Speaker 1:And amen to all that. You should be safe as a mentor. But you alone, you have what it takes. God can use you. God can use you.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:This is so bad. This this what I was saying before you wrap this up because I know we're gonna end this plane. I I want to reemphasize the importance and the value mentors of saying I was wrong and apologizing. If you if you don't walk away with any of the five points that we talked about today as far as trust and humility and relationship and modeling and all that stuff, admitting just think about when somebody admitted to you that they were wrong. What did that do for you in your mind about that person?
Speaker 2:When somebody was like, you know what, Zach? I'm so sorry. Apologize. I was wrong. That's not what I meant to say.
Speaker 2:That wasn't my intent. That's not who I am or I aim to be. I'm so sorry, and I hope that you can forgive me. I'll do better to to, readdress that in the future. Wanna maintain a relationship.
Speaker 2:I hate that I'm I could've potentially damaged our trust. Like, when we when we hear that, it does something to reinforce trust and humility in in that relationship in our minds. And so if you walk away with only one thing today, in fact, I wanna challenge you. I wanna challenge you to to to let the Holy Spirit speak to your heart about a mentee that you have, about a young person in your lives that you potentially could have offended, or maybe you've already apologized for something that you did. I wanna encourage you to go back and reinforce that apology because there's nothing that can take place better than that reinforcing and that reconciliation process with your mentee.
Speaker 1:Good. That's good. Man, when someone apologized to me, grace abounds, compassion, my Mhmm. My heart goes out towards them. Good, Jim.
Speaker 1:Yes. And it forces me to evaluate my heart and to search my heart and be like, man, is there anything I did? You know? And so Oh, holy. Now I don't expect a kid who's 12 to be able to articulate that, but it is happening somewhere in there.
Speaker 1:And so Mhmm. That's good. Alright. Well, Derrick, you're the man per use. I gotta hit the gym because I took my pre workout, and I'm kinda antsy.
Speaker 1:I got the backwards hat on. You got a haircut. I was dabbing on people earlier, and Derrick made fun of me. And he said dabbing was 2012. It we we googled it.
Speaker 1:It's 2016. If you're a mentor, don't dab on them.
Speaker 2:Don't dab on no more. Please, guys.
Speaker 1:In fact, you ain't gotta be cool like I'm trying to be cool. You can just be yourself. You can mentor. Share it with a friend. Share it with your staff.
Speaker 1:We love you. Love you, guys. Peace. See you. Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor Podcast.
Speaker 1:Our vision is to raise up and invest in mentoring leaders who will launch and grow thriving mentoring ministries. We do that by equipping and encouraging faith based leaders through relational connection, Christ centered resources, and collaborative gatherings. Check out our books, come to the National Christian Mentoring Gathering, and engage with our network and cohorts. You can find all this at ukmentor.com or on social media. Please share this episode with a mentoring friend and leave us that five star review.
Speaker 1:Thank you. You can mentor.