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Diagnosed with Complex Trauma and a Dissociative Disorder, Emma and her system share what they learn along the way about complex trauma, dissociation (CPTSD, OSDD, DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality), etc.), and mental health. Educational, supportive, inclusive, and inspiring, System Speak documents her healing journey through the best and worst of life in recovery through insights, conversations, and collaborations.
Over: Welcome to the System Speak Podcast, a podcast about Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to longtime listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Man, guys, there's so much snow here, and I gotta go on a walk. I gotta go and walk because I need to be outside, and it feel good, and it feel better if I go on a walk. But there's lots of ice, So I cannot walk all the way to park because I don't wanna fall on the ice because well, guess what? We are we are feeling good. Well, a little bit not today, but we can we can start racing again because, do you know, Emma t, she remember with she remember with the Emma's.
Speaker 1:She remember that thou used to do a lot of racing. Well, little races, but I like it and it was fun and I have chocolate milk at the end of a race. And she remembered that. And so she said, we can start doing them races again. And I thought, I am so excited.
Speaker 1:But the doctor said, I don't think that's a good idea. You cannot do it. Well, that made her so ruffle feathers that she just come and do it anyway. So we're gonna do it. So I don't wanna get hurt because our first race is in two Saturdays, and I'm very excited.
Speaker 1:Also, if I go on a walk, it helps me feel better. I like to be outside. If I had farm, my own farm, I'd be doing chores all the time and be outside, and it'll be hard work and messy, and I like it. But I don't got no farm. I just got kids.
Speaker 1:They're messy, and I don't like it. I like be outside, and there's no cold wind, just cold snow. But the sunshine is pretty warm, so I I pretty much like that a lot. But I can walk here in the snow if I don't walk on the ice only in the snow, but I got my boots on. Woah.
Speaker 1:What is this? I got a walking stick. I got I got a walking stick. There's too much ice. My walking stick won't push in.
Speaker 1:Ugh. I'm just undo this. Do you know time one time it was winter and well, you know what? Woah. You know what we did?
Speaker 1:One time we played Walden. Walden is called a book. And I don't know about it very much, but I know who read it and we played it. And know what we did? We did not use electricity or heat all winter.
Speaker 1:What I got to do was I got to go and chop trees every day. And then I have an axe for and a saw for making my firewood. So I had to cut down some branches. I never cut down a whole tree, and I'll buy myself a big one. And you don't cut down a baby tree.
Speaker 1:That's just rude. Like, like you don't get a baby deer. That's just mean. I left the baby trees alone. The big trees, they're in the mood for sharing.
Speaker 1:And so, I cut down some branches. I can saw them off, and then I can chop my wood up, and we use a fire. And I'm good at building fires, and we had fire all winter. And then you know what happened? We even cook on the fire.
Speaker 1:A lot of stew and things like that. I need some stew. I like stew. Stew's pretty stew's pretty tasty. If if you wanna eat some stew, you have some beans in it, and some potatoes in it, and carrots in it.
Speaker 1:And it'll taste better if you put in a can of tomatoes, whether you like tomatoes or not. And sometimes if you have dollars, you can have crackers with your stew maybe or or a piece of toast or something if them girls aren't looking. But if them girls are looking, you're not gonna get no toast. But stew's pretty healthy, I think. You can put corn in there, and you can put you can put some green beans, maybe some carrots, and you can cook it right up on the fire pretty easy.
Speaker 1:So we did that. And then know what happened? There was an ice storm. There was an ice storm, and and then everybody was the same as us, and they don't got no heat or electricity because there was ice on everything. But we were okay because we were already having a plan of it, and our whole porch full of firewood because I'm really good at chopping.
Speaker 1:And you know what happened? Well, people tried to take my firewood, and I said, there's not gonna be none of that. You leave my firewood right there. I worked hard for it all by myself. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Because that's not the same as sharing. If you wanna be nice to someone and share with them, that's the right thing to do. But you can't just take stuff from people. That's just disrespectful. That's that's not alright.
Speaker 1:So I like sharing. I don't like getting taken from, but I'm gonna dig this hole in the ice with my stick. I can plant a flag like a clubhouse. You know what? Our house on the back is a wood deck, and under the wood deck is a clubhouse.
Speaker 1:We built it, and them kids built it, and we have a lot of fun in there. But you know what is the best clubhouse as the whole world? The safest, coolest, best clubhouse. Well, that's my therapist's office. I like I like when I get to see her.
Speaker 1:I like talk to her. If I talk to her, I feel better. And if she talk to me, she feel better. But I can tell her things. And she just told me about football, and we play football.
Speaker 1:I like football. You know what I saw? I saw a therapist yesterday. I did. Just for a minute.
Speaker 1:Just for a minute because I gotta take turns and I gotta share. Sometimes when I'm taking turns and I gotta share her, I miss her because I like talking to her myself, but I got a lot of things to tell her, but so does a lot of people. And even Sarah, Sarah's my friend, she talked to her and she she she got some things to say, but they're not things I'm talking about right now, and I don't wanna talk about it. Yesterday yesterday, you know, who saw her as sister, sister talked to her for just a minute or listened to her because, well, we got hard things about our brother. We gotta talk about that, but it's hard to talk about that, and I'm not really like it.
Speaker 1:And it gave me some pains. And my therapist said, then pains are called body memories. It's a new word. It's a new word called body memories. She said my therapist said, if you talk about hard things, then when you remember it, then then your body remembers it too.
Speaker 1:And I don't wanna talk about it. These things are a switch. If you have this switch you hear that? That's a switch sound for the stick. Be a switch stick.
Speaker 1:Come on. Throw it. I don't want no switch. I don't wanna get a whooping. My therapist said I don't gotta get no whooping.
Speaker 1:She said we're not even bad. She said we're not. Evidence says we are not bad. That's the evidence of it. Because I'm not bad.
Speaker 1:I don't need a whooping. That's all the trigger, and I don't even like it. It's called trigger. That's another word. My therapist teach me words.
Speaker 1:It's called trigger. If something now time make you think of something memory time. So I'm not even scared. Mine is scary because now time is safe. Now time is safe.
Speaker 1:This is my office, and you are safe. Now time is safe. Memory time. Memory time is over. It's not even right now.
Speaker 1:It's it's in the past. It's over. It already happened. Now time is different. Therapy therapy has two parts.
Speaker 1:Therapy has two parts. It it's got, like, two parts, a part one and a part two. And a part one is called now time is safe. And now time is safe means everything's okay. It means you've got a house, and you got food, and you've got clothes, and the husband is is a good one, and and the children are okay.
Speaker 1:No one's hurting them, and no one's hurting you. And you can meet all of your own needs all by yourself, and you know how to ask for help if you need some help. And and all of these things are all of these things are for now time as safe. Meantime is not safe because you got parents that are not good. They're not doing their job, and they say mean things, and they do mean things.
Speaker 1:And, well, it's hard to deal with it. It's hard it's hard to know what to do and can't do nothing and make it better. You're gonna get hurt. This is really hard, you guys, but it's not right now. And our therapist said, our parents are dead.
Speaker 1:So if you hear or see the parents, then you know it's memory time because now time, there are no parents. That's the difference. Now time is safe. But now time, you don't get a whooping, and there are no switches for nobody. And now time is different.
Speaker 1:That's part two of therapy. Part two of therapy is now time is different. Part one is now time is safe. And you can write on your hand if you forget. Part two is now time is different.
Speaker 1:And if you're not sure if it's different, you just look at your watch and it lights up, and you remember that now time is safe all the time. And you have a therapist all the time. Your therapist isn't mad at you or leaving you or me and his heart tell the difference. Now time is safe. That's the difference.
Speaker 1:So part one is now time is safe. Part two is now time is different. Now time, if you have a hard day, you can go for a walk in the snow, but you gotta wear boots so your feet don't get cold. Because now time is safe, and you have your knees, and I need some boots, so I have some boots. I don't got a coat yet, but we almost gonna get a coat, maybe.
Speaker 1:I did have a coat, but we gave it to somebody. Now I don't have a coat, but but I got boots. And if you have boots, then you can just go and walk. But the hard thing about having boots is well, it's good for walking in the snow, but the bad thing for walking in the snow in your boots is if your socks come off in your boots. And and then people in the neighborhood, if they are looking out their windows at you or driving by the park or or something and they see you, they'll just say, man, there goes that kid with the naked feet in his boots.
Speaker 1:It's kind of embarrassing if you us come off in your boots, but woah. Look what I found, a soccer ball. Yes. Oh, yeah. That was a good one.
Speaker 1:I mean, the sun is coming out like it must have made me happy. All kinds of happy. I know how to play soccer. I'm good at soccer because well, I got to play in foster care. But that foster care was at Iowa, which is not here, and there's more snow there even than here.
Speaker 1:Oh, that got caught in the snow. That was like golfing out of the sand. Man. I'm gonna use this stick and hit that golf ball like it's a soccer ball I'm golfing. Soccer golf.
Speaker 1:I ain't played snow soccer in Iowa. In Iowa, you tried to play soccer, but it doesn't work cause you spend more time getting that ball out of the cornfield than you do playing on that ball. So he's like corn soccer. I don't like to play corn soccer, but I like to play snow soccer. I can do it.
Speaker 1:Oh, yes. That was the best one. Oh, man. It went across. I can't get it.
Speaker 1:Oh, man. That's a good kick, though. I win that. I am a winner. Write my score in the snow so anybody knows I won.
Speaker 1:Today, we were supposed to go to see a therapist, a new therapist, but for palliative care palliative care means your baby is gonna die, but she didn't get, and she's not baby. Like, babies babies can't take care of themselves. My therapist told me that. She said she said babies can't take care of you. Babies can't take care of themselves.
Speaker 1:I mean, she said they gotta have parents to take care of them, and parents can't be mad for babies can't take care of themselves. She told us that yesterday. I'm not even kidding. And we did not go see a new therapist today because I don't want to. We got good therapists, and I wanna keep her.
Speaker 1:And she's my friend, and she said I can keep her. And oh, man. That's easy. And so we didn't tell him we had another therapist because we didn't wanna tell him about her or about all of us, so we didn't say nothing. And that's why they got us a new therapist.
Speaker 1:But we decided to just call and cancel it and hope we don't get in trouble. I don't I don't want I don't wanna get in trouble or DHS to come or something for because we didn't have that appointment, but I don't I don't wanna go another therapist. And I I don't want another therapist. I just I got a therapist I like. So we gotta figure that out, but I'm not figuring that out today.
Speaker 1:I I just wanna walk today, maybe outside in the sunshine, and play a little bit for so we don't have no pains, no body pains. And I know it's okay because now time is safe. And just remember now time is safe. And I'll see I'll see my therapist really soon again. Me, sister, can talk to her or Sarah can talk to her or something.
Speaker 1:We got we got a lot of things that I talk about. And her therapist is waking up that girl. She's waking up the girl, and I don't know I don't know if the therapist stay with her, then that's okay because I like the therapist. But I don't know about if she just if she just waking up, and I don't know what happens. Does she know about all this?
Speaker 1:If we gotta talk about some things. We we had we we had I gotta tell the therapist. I gotta tell her. I gotta say, my I gotta say, hey, buddy. I gotta tell you something.
Speaker 1:And I gotta tell her I gotta tell her about this girl. Just how well, the girl just the girl just she just there. And we we gotta keep her safe, and we keep her we keep her in well, we got we we if you if you have somebody, like a little girl or or something, you can't just you can't just lock them away. You can't let them be hungry. You can't let them have to go to bathroom on himself.
Speaker 1:You can't let them get hurt or do things that'll give them body pains. You you can't do things to them as it's not very nice. And our therapist said nobody can do it again. Nobody can do it. It's not okay to do that.
Speaker 1:Sometimes sometimes if if you're just a girl, not like a boy who's strong and gonna take care of everybody, but just a girl I mean, girls are nice. I'm not being mean to girls. I'm just saying if somebody hurts a girl and give them body pains really bad, it just you just tear them in half. You just split them in half. Just rip them apart like like them paper dolls I was talking about, kinda.
Speaker 1:If you do that, then you got one girl is then there's two girls. And then if you keep doing that, then there's four girls. And it's like, you look at this tree. See this big tree right here? If you look at this big tree and you look up, and then there's one branch goes this way and that branch goes that way, then you have two branches instead of one branch.
Speaker 1:And then there's more and more of them, and then there's just a lot of us. And I think we I think it was an accident. We did it. I didn't we we we didn't mean to. Sometimes sometimes we get new people like that, but we got a new person, and the therapist didn't even get mad at us.
Speaker 1:Everybody is safe, and everybody is welcome. Everybody can come to her office, and everybody can talk to her and tell her some things. I'm trying to make I'm trying to make a bow out of this stick for so I can hunt. I'm gonna make I'm gonna tie it to a bow, and then I just gotta make an arrow. I can make a bow, and I can I can go hunting or something?
Speaker 1:Not for baby deers. I'll just get that big one that tries that try to get in our car. I don't I don't want a deer in my car. I think I got tied. I can think talk better if I can do something with my hands.
Speaker 1:I don't know why is that. But if I'm making a bow with this stick, I I can do some good thinking. If I if I got some work to do, I can do some good thinking if I'm if I'm working something with my hands. Because if you're working something with your hands, then you know now time's safe. If you're not working someone with your hands, you might lose your grip, and you might just slip away, and you get lost in memory time, and it's really scary there.
Speaker 1:For some people, I'm not too scared. Just a little bit bothered. Oh, I got it. Yes. Oh, that did not work.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna make the coolest bow, and I can't I almost got it. I cannot find no rocks to make an arrow if everything is if if everything's buried in the snow, but this is a pretty good bow I got here. Let's go see if we can find a arrow stick before I can find a rock later. Oh, man. That is a safety hazard.
Speaker 1:There's a big old branch about fall on my head. I got it. Yes. I almost got it. I'm gonna get it.
Speaker 1:Oh, I just saved somebody's life, you guys. This is a big old stick. It's a whole branch. I got a branch. If I was playing Walden, this right here would be some good firewood.
Speaker 1:I gotta find a hiding spot for it because I don't got no place to make a fire right now, so I think I'd get in trouble if I did. But if we have fire emergency, then I got some firewood ready. I just hi. How's it, big old dog? I'm not afraid of hitting me.
Speaker 1:He's my friend. His name is Buddy. Like, my name should be Buddy. Okay. My name's not Buddy.
Speaker 1:I just saying that. You know what I mean? I'm a hiding it. If I hide it back here, no no steal my firewood. And if I need emergency firewood, I know where it is.
Speaker 1:I better keep on walking. I'm just talking and not walking. I don't do nobody no good. I gonna lay down in the snow for me. I can do it right because I wanna watch them clouds.
Speaker 1:It feels really good outside except for the snow and the ice, except I like the snow. I like the snow if I can go to therapy. I don't like the snow if I can't go to therapy. But I got I got I got the husband's coat. I can lay on it like a snow angel.
Speaker 1:Except there's so much ice I cannot make no snow angels. But I can lay on it and watch them clouds, and that feels pretty good. You won't have no body pains if you just lay in the sun and watch the clouds. Oh, I saw a bird finally. Hi.
Speaker 1:Hi. Hi. He's just talking to me. Hi. Sometimes sometimes at therapy, we can talk about hard things.
Speaker 1:Sometimes at therapy, we can play football and just rest for a minute. Sometimes I can just be glad to see her, and it's okay for sharing or taking turns, but we're talking about some hard things now. Because if you have a buddy and if you if you know now time is safe and if you know now time is different, then then is then then you just start talking about some things. Maybe that's part three. Maybe therapy has three parts.
Speaker 1:So part one is now time is safe. Part two is now time is different. And then part three is talking time is safe. Because in memory time, it's not okay to talk about things. In now time, it is okay to talk about things.
Speaker 1:You know what I need to talk about? I'm telling you what I need to talk about. I need to talk about Cassie. Cassie did some things that I got mad at her about for a long time because she did not help keep us safe. But when she told a therapist yesterday, therapist said therapist said she she she was I don't know how to say it.
Speaker 1:Hey. What were them words? Like, she was normal because it's developmental appropriate. Remember she said that therapist said about babies? That babies can't take care of themselves, but you can't get mad at baby for it can't take care of itself.
Speaker 1:Parents gotta help take care of a baby. Like, him take care of take care of the outside kids. But then so she said that Cassie don't know better. And I believe the therapist, and I know Cassie don't know better, but I also know that they got hurt because of her and all them Taylor stuff. And Cassie just kept going back and going back, and we kept getting away, and she just kept going back.
Speaker 1:And it caused us all kinds of problems and hurts, and it was scary, and and lots of things happened for her because she kept going back. And so we've been mad at her for her and the Taylors, but I can be mad if I want. As my therapist said, I can have my feelings. I don't have feelings. Not my feelings.
Speaker 1:I was I was a little flustered feather with her. I flustered my feathers. She flustered my feather. She feathered my flust she well, she just that was messed up what she did. And well, except I know she's learning about it.
Speaker 1:And if she's talking about it, I know that's a big deal. And I'm say, I'm pro view, and you're gonna have a badge even though I wasn't mad at you. Except I get badge for getting her a badge. But I'm not trying to throw a baby fit. I'm just saying what happened is not okay because that was that was that was not the parents do it to us.
Speaker 1:That was her do it to us. So that made me extra mad. Like, the therapist said, I I heard therapist tell a sister it's double bad for when the brother mean to you because you try to take care of him. And that's a true story. Therapist, she know what she's talking about.
Speaker 1:So I'm double mad at Cassie because we got hurt and because she let us get hurt, and that's not doing her job. I know it's a long time ago, but if she wants to talk about it, that's what I have to say about it. Except except, well, she wrote in a notebook. And you know what she said? She said she was sorry, and I think she means it.
Speaker 1:And I told her that that's okay. She she ain't be sorry, but she needs to talk to a therapist about it because I don't wanna happen no more. Except now it can't happen because everybody's dead. Not me. I'm not dead.
Speaker 1:I'm going on to run a race. I'm gonna run a race. I'm gonna run a race, and my race is called five k. And we're gonna run races this year because we're not gonna die. We're gonna run instead of dying.
Speaker 1:And our race is called five k, and that means you get five cups of you get five cups of chocolate milk, I think, what it needs. This feels pretty good out here in the sunshine under the clouds, and I did hear birds, and I can hear birds, and I can feel better. I don't need no body pains. If you have body pains, you can just dig into snow and feel how cold it is. I just got four days to see my therapist.
Speaker 1:Somebody can have a turn maybe. I think I'm gonna fall asleep. I didn't even play snow soccer, not with the team just by myself, but I won. I don't wanna be mad Cassie no more. I'm not very good being mad, but I want her to think I'm mad.
Speaker 1:But not really because I don't wanna make her mad. I just think nobody should be mad. You know why at memory time, being mad is not a safe thing, and other people being mad is not a safe thing. I don't know about now time we ask the therapist. My therapist is safe as a blanket.
Speaker 1:If I just gotta go tell some things, she's not mad at me. She might get tired of listening to me, but she's not mad at me. That's why you gotta take turns and share because just if one person just talking, you get tired of listening to them. Like, if you've got kids and just one kid is talking all the time, then you won't get to hear the other kids. So it's like that.
Speaker 1:Like, you gotta take turns, and everybody share. The husband, he told them kids, the outside kids, that's like a soccer game. That if you're having a conversation, everybody's on the team and kicking the ball back and forth. But if just only one person take over and talk, then they are, like, stealing the ball while everyone else is waiting to play. So when you're in therapy, you gotta take turns, and everybody in inside gets to talk to the therapist.
Speaker 1:You can't just steal the ball. You can't just go off and play by yourself. You gotta take turns and share so everybody can play. Woah. There's a airplane.
Speaker 1:Oh, man. I forgot to tell the therapist we almost went to Africa. I forgot to tell her. There's so many things to tell her. I just get all full up.
Speaker 1:I wish I was on that airplane. I sure do like being on a airplane. Them girls do not like being on an airplane, but I like being on an airplane. I'm glad we're not gonna see that lady today. That was getting them all kinds of worked up, and we don't need to be worked up.
Speaker 1:Things on the list to do today. Do not get a whooping. Do not get a switch. Do not get worked up. Do not get body pains.
Speaker 1:If I know what the therapist is talking about, body pains, I think that's little Katie. She take all the body pains. I got told a therapist about that. Like, if we can feel it, that's why that's why Katie gotta draw them out or paint. Except sometimes we sometimes we we like to paint too, but we're not as good as Katie is.
Speaker 1:I'm I'm not very good. I like I like Play Doh. I like clay. I also like salsa. But if it's cold, it's kind of a cold day for salsa.
Speaker 1:Man, I like these clouds. I wish you all could see it's just beautiful as any anything ever was. I like being outside. I feel better when I'm outside. Except my bottom is starting to get cold.
Speaker 1:Laying in the snow might not be the smartest thing I ever did. Woah. What is that? I think I hear train. Man, these new ears are working.
Speaker 1:I can hear birds, and I can hear trains. I gotta tell you one more thing that I didn't tell nobody. Today is her birthday. We don't really like our birthday, and everybody's dead, so nobody even thinks about it being our birthday. And I don't get no presents.
Speaker 1:We've been paying off the hospital, and that means if the baby is sick and in the hospital for three years, then you got to pay the hospital to keep the baby alive. And so we don't we've been having a lot of careful of our money for a long time. So the husband and and Emma, they they don't they don't get presents for nothing. So that means I don't get no presents for nothing. But I don't don't get no presents anyway.
Speaker 1:I don't need a present. But that lady at church, she said, you gotta do something, don't you? Didn't you have birthdays when you were a kid like balloons or you got to take treats at school or you got to do this or do that? I just wish she would stop talking because she don't know what she's talking about. I ain't getting no birthdays.
Speaker 1:Only birthday ones are bad ones. We're the Taylors for so we can die, except we didn't die. Now I'm just here, and I still gotta have a birthday. And I don't I don't even wanna talk about birthdays. That's okay because those kids are kids.
Speaker 1:They don't remember no birthdays. Oh, I heard a train. But you know what? I have presents I did get. I got present from the therapist.
Speaker 1:I got present from therapist for Christmas. That's my present at Christmas. And for my birthday, I got present too because that's what I was gonna tell you. Guess what I got for birthdays? We got more notebooks.
Speaker 1:So we can do some writing because Cassie apologized to me. That's why. So she apologized to me, but I got new notebooks, and that's my birthday present, and it is the best present I ever had. Because if someone gives you a birthday present for notebooks, you know what that means? That means you're my buddy, and it means I listen to you, and I care about what you guys say, and I'm sorry it happened.
Speaker 1:And you know what the therapist said yesterday? She said if she knew about what happened to us, she would get in there and stop it because it should've been stopped. No one ever in my whole life ever said that to me that it should've been stopped. Like, that's enough therapy for me right there just feeling better about someone finally said that. So I'm not crazy.
Speaker 1:None of this shit happened. I was right all along. This should not happen, and it should stop. So that's the best birthday I ever had. Someone say, that's not okay what happened to you, and I'm sorry that happened to you, and that's gonna stop happening to you.
Speaker 1:That's the best birthday of my whole life. Maybe I could tell her about birthdays. Maybe I could write in my new note books about birthdays. Maybe that would be important work to do. I'm supposed to be walking.
Speaker 1:I got permission for walking. For so we can be healthy and strong and I can go on a race. And all I'm doing is laying in the snow talking like a big old lazy bum. I think I just go to sleep here and be just fine. It feels pretty good to be outside.
Speaker 1:If we didn't have those kids and we didn't have that husband, I'd just play Walden, and I'd open the windows for some fresh air. That's what it feels like. Fresh air. Therapy. The therapist asked, she said, how do you know therapy is helping?
Speaker 1:What is feeling better? That's what it is. We got some fresh air up in here. That's what I think it is. Not just, like, in the attic, but everywhere.
Speaker 1:Even if we don't got everything figured out yet, we got some fresh air, I think. That fresh air do us some good. You know what Molly's doing? She's cleaning everything up. She got all them cobwebs out of the attic, and we all getting to paint.
Speaker 1:Everybody can pick what they wanna paint their walls, what color, and everybody gets a bed. That therapist said everybody can have a bed, and I just want a cool bed, and I got a hammock. That's what I got from my bed. I just want a hammock. And you know what?
Speaker 1:Also, she said that also, all my shoulder just pop. I told my therapist about that yesterday. It's from hanging, but my oh, that hurt when it pop. But mommy told me about what she's doing is cleaning everything up, and we got what we need. And she told me all the cobwebs are gone, and I said, that's I don't know how you got rid of all them cobwebs.
Speaker 1:And Molly said, we can clean up, and everything is safe. And know what else she said? She said, there's no bed bugs. There's no rats. There's no roaches.
Speaker 1:There's no nothing. And we can get bathroom. Nobody has to go bathroom on themselves or in the corner. And I'm not trying to be embarrassing. I'm just saying you wouldn't get locked up in a room for a long time or in a box or something in the chest.
Speaker 1:And so we got bathroom and there's no rats. I said, how do you know there's no rats or no bed bugs eating me? She said, all them are gone. She cleaned it up, and it's all gone. And I have a special light.
Speaker 1:And she gave me a light, and I can look everywhere and make sure, and there's nothing. And she said I can build some machines or traps and make sure there's no bed bugs or there's no roaches or there's no bugs or spiders or rats gonna eat on my toes. I hate when them rats eat on my toes or my fingers. I try MK can try and make friends with them, but I'm not very good at making friends with rats because they keep biting my toes. And I don't like it, and it hurts me, and they crawl over me, and when I'm trying to sleep on the floor, but now I got a hammock and nothing can crawl on me.
Speaker 1:So that's pretty good fresh air, I think, all cleaned up in there. And I check everything, and I can check my traps and all that, and there's nothing in there. It's just all fixed up, and Molly's fixing everything. And there's lights on, and we got we got we got a lot of fresh air up in there, and that's pretty good. That's pretty good, I think.
Speaker 1:And I'm I well, I got a lot of things to talk about. I really got made I gotta make it till Monday for seeing my therapist because I'm just laying here in the snow. And I think if you're gonna run some races, here's what you need to know. You cannot win even any chocolate milk if you just stop in your race and lay down, take a nap part way. I don't think that's how you win a race if you take a nap in the middle of it.
Speaker 1:But I'd say, oh, I'm tired. I'm just gonna sit down, take a nap. I'm not gonna win my race. And I really I just I I don't wanna be first in my race because I don't want no one to take my picture. We do not like our picture taken because of the studio downstairs, but I don't wanna talk about that.
Speaker 1:I just don't want my picture at the race. So even even if I'm the fastest one in the world, we only be first as we don't want our picture taken. So we have to only pick the races where they will not take your picture. Sometimes they try to take your picture, but if if you are not first, you still get chocolate milk. So I want some chocolate milk, but if you lay down in the race and take a nap while you're racing, I don't think they give you chalk of milk.
Speaker 1:So I didn't do very good today as I just lay here and look at the clouds, which is not the same thing as racing. I can't even bang through the snow. There's so much ice in it. It better not snow again because I really gotta see the therapist. It's hard waiting.
Speaker 1:But, also, waiting for therapy between times you get to see her is kind of a good thing because you don't wanna just see her so much all the time that that you throw up on her or nothing. That'd just be unpleasant for everybody. We spent weeks and weeks and weeks worrying about whether we could see her or not, why we were seeing her and talking about that instead of talking about stuff. So I think all this fresh air up in here, everybody need to just settle down and just start talking instead of talking about talking. I think everything's okay and everything is all safe and now time is safe and we like her and she's helping us so she doing a good job and she never badged, and we never badged, and everybody can just get back to work.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah. Oh. All this stuff happened at Christmas really mess us up, I think, But it's over, and now it's not Christmas, which means all the stuff that happened at Christmas is memory time. It's memory time.
Speaker 1:It's not now time. Oh, man. I'm stinking smart. I'm a tell everybody. I'm a put that in the paper.
Speaker 1:Everybody can just know everything that happened at Christmas, all of that stuff, and all those hard days and the snow days, and I get to see her. Oh, that's memory time. That's not now time. Now time is I got to see her yesterday, and I get to see her again on Monday, and we can talk all we want. Ba bam.
Speaker 1:I solve the problem. I get a big old check mark and a badge. I go and tell the therapist, Well, I can try really hard to hold it inside, and I can write it in a notebook, but I think I solved the problem. And I'm just so excited. I really wanna tell her so bad, But I don't need to tell her because it's okay.
Speaker 1:So I won't bother her, but I gotta put it in the note because I think I solved the problem. All of this worrying about the therapist, that's a memory time. It's either other therapists who were not good therapists or it's where everything happened at Christmas or it's snow days when we couldn't get there. But all of that's memory time. Do you get it?
Speaker 1:I get it. It's memory time. It's not now time. Now time is fine. I can talk to the therapist.
Speaker 1:I can talk to her on podcasts. I can write in the notebooks. I can I can draw a picture? I can send a message. I can talk to her anywhere I want.
Speaker 1:Everything's okay because now time is different. Oh my goodness. I'm so stinking smart. I gotta get to a notebook. I wrote it all down so the therapist will know, and I'm very excited.
Speaker 1:And now because I am so stinking smart and figured this out, we're gonna have a party, and we're gonna celebrate because the therapist told the husband when the husband went with us to therapy that I can be a DJ. And so I've been practicing, and now you get to hear some of my DJ music. Time. Yeah. Thank you for listening.
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