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Safety is the name of the game when it comes to mentoring. You always want to have safety on the mind when you are hanging out with your mentee. First priority is always to keep the child safe, but another aspect of safety is following rules and procedures so you stay above reproach and free of any possible accusation.
One of the best ways to keep everyone safe in the mentoring journey is called the rule of three. The rule of three means that there are always three parties involved when you are hanging out with your mentee. The third person can be a crowded place, a friend of yours or the mentee, or a member of your family or the mentee’s family.
In our organizations, the rule of three is something that we stress to every mentor, no matter age or experience. Of course we realize that, from time to time, you will be found alone with your mentee. Here are some tips to make those rare times more safe.
- Car ride: Perhaps you are picking them up for a car ride. If you find yourself in that position, it is vital that you let someone, either a parent or your mentoring organization, know when the mentee gets in the car with you and when you get to your desired location.
- Room: If you find yourself in a room alone with your mentee, make sure to let other people around know you are in there and keep the door open.
- Event: Try your hardest to get someone else to go with you. Whether it be a mentee’s friend or sibling or your own child, spouse, or friend.
If you ever find yourself in a situation that doesn’t seem safe, do whatever you can to get out of that situation immediately and communicate the situation with either the parent or the mentoring organization. We recommend never doing an overnight.
We understand that relational depth and capital are vital to an effective mentoring relationship, but we must pursue those things within the boundaries of a safe relationship. If you want to have a private talk, perhaps have it at a local park. If you need to have a hard conversation, try going for a walk around the neighborhood.
Yes, following safety guidelines will add some challenges to your mentoring relationship, just like stopping at a red light, wearing a seat belt, and driving the speed limit slow you down a bit. But they are vital to keep everyone safe.
The rule of three is a non-negotiable in any mentoring relationship I am a part of. When in doubt, over-communicate with a third party, especially a parent. We want to stay above reproach for all parties involved. The stakes are too high when it comes to the safety of your mentee.
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Contact us at zach@youcanmentor.com or at www.youcanmentor.com
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring organizations through resources and relationships to love God, love others and make disciples. Learn more at you can mentor.com or follow us on social media. You can mentor. The rule of 3. Safety is the name of the game when it comes to your mentoring relationship.
Speaker 1:You always wanna have safety on the mind when you're hanging out with your mentee. First priority is always to keep the child safe, but another aspect of safety is following rules and procedures so you stay above reproach and free of any possible accusation. One of the best ways to keep everyone safe in the mentoring journey is called the rule of 3. The rule of 3 means that there are always 3 parties involved when you're hanging out with your mentee. The 3rd party can be a crowded place.
Speaker 1:It can be a friend of yours or a friend of the mentee's. Perhaps it could be a member of your family or your mentee's family. In our organizations, the rule of 3 is something that we stress to every mentor, no matter age or experience. Of course, we realize that from time to time, you will find yourself alone with your mentee. Here are some tips to make those rare times more safe.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about the car ride. Perhaps you're picking up your mentee, and it's just the 2 of you guys in a car. If you find yourself in that position, it is vital that you let someone know. Pick up the phone and call either a parent or someone involved with the mentoring organization you volunteer with. Let them know when the mentee gets in the car with you, what time you should be at your destination, and then when you get to your desired location, pick up the phone and call them to let them know that you have arrived.
Speaker 1:The next one is what if you find yourself in a room and it's just you and your mentee? Well, do everything you can to go find somewhere else to be. But if that's not a possibility, find someone else who is in the area and go sit by them. And always make sure that you keep doors open. If you are trying to go to an event or something like that, try your hardest to get someone to go with you.
Speaker 1:One of my favorite tips is I try to take my kids with me whenever I'm hanging out with my mentee. Maybe you can find one of the mentee's friends or their siblings or maybe your own spouse or someone that you know from your community group or from your neighborhood. If you ever find yourself in a situation that doesn't seem safe or if you ever get that that feeling in your stomach, do whatever you have to do to get out of that situation immediately and communicate the situation with either the parent or your mentoring organization. We recommend never doing an overnight. It's just too risky.
Speaker 1:Of course, we understand that relational depth and relational capital are vital to an effective mentoring relationship, but we must pursue those things within the boundaries of a safe relationship. Let's say you wanna have a serious talk. Well, could you have it at your local park where there's people around and you're in an open space? If you need to have a hard conversation, instead of sitting in your car, maybe go for a walk around the neighborhood. Yes.
Speaker 1:Following safety guidelines might add some challenges to your mentoring relationship. But just like stopping at a red light or wearing a seat belt or obeying the speed limit might slow you down a bit, it sure is worth it because it's vital that we keep everyone safe. The rule of 3 is a nonnegotiable in any mentoring relationship I'm a part of. When in doubt, over communicate with a third party, especially a parent. The more you communicate with the parent and let them in on what you're doing in your relationship with their child, the more they respect you, the more they feel a part of the relationship.
Speaker 1:We wanna stay above reproach for all parties involved because the stakes are too high when it comes to the safety of your mentee. Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. Please share this with other mentors and download our free resources on our website. You can also order Zach's book, You Can Mentor, or John's book, Mephibsheth, on Amazon. Lastly, we'd really appreciate it if you gave us a 5 star rating on whatever listening platform you are tuning in on.
Speaker 1:If you'd like to connect with us further, please contact us through our website, because we're always looking for new guests or connections. Thank you. Remember, you can mentor.