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The Adventures of Bud & Herb is a new podcast from The Pocket Dimension. One part immersive audio drama and one part Dungeons & Dragons game where the dice tell the story and anything can happen. Follow along as best friends Bud and Herb hunt a cryptid that terrorizes their sleepy little town of Mystra’s Glen.
The Adventures of Bud & Herb
S01E01: Welcome to Mystra’s Glen
Bud: [00:00:00] The sleepy, idyllic town Mystra's Glen is home to predator. A beast walks The outskirts. Silent, yet deadly, who will fall prey to its nightmarish stench. This is Mysteries of the Verdant Valley.
Herb: A hearty welcome to everyone listening in across the Mycelium Network, all throughout the Verdant Valley and beyond. My name is Herb, and I'm joined by my best friend and co-host Bud.
Bud: Well, howdy y'all, my name is Crygglinexxerflump Buddlicker. That's a bit of a mouthful for folks who ain't a deep gnome like me, so you could just call me Bud. Now, all you listeners out there are probably wondering one thing. What exactly is Mysteries of the Verdant Valley? Herb, would you care to tell these fine folks what we are doing here?
Herb: Of course, Bud. Mysteries of the Verdant Valley is an investigative fungcast [00:01:00] dedicated to uncovering the truth about a legendary cryptid. A horrifically fascinating beastie that is rumored to be terrorizing the Verdant Valley and our quaint little town of Mystra's Glen.
Bud: Now Herb, I know what a cryptid is, and you cryptid is, but for the folks out there who maybe don't, could you explain to them what is a cryptid?
Herb: All a cryptid is, is some sort of creature that we have yet to experience some sort of interaction with.
Bud: Yeah.
Herb: A creature that hasn't yet been proven to exist.
Bud: Okay, that's it. That's pretty straightforward. Yeah, not too hard. But, what is the difference between a cryptid and a monster in a world that's just chock full of monsters?
Herb: Oh, well that's a very good question because you and I, we've seen a lot of the world, we've seen a lot of monsters. But what we haven't seen is an undiscovered species.
Bud: An undiscovered species. Okay, so when a cryptid is proven to be a [00:02:00] real thing, it goes from being an undocumented creature to a known monster. That it?
Herb: Exactly! But, but, they're not always monsters. For example, at one time, bugbears and turtlefolks, like me, were considered cryptids.
Bud: What? For real?
Herb: Oh yeah, plenty of people knew about turtles of all shapes and sizes, but we of the more, shall we say, communicative variety, were largely isolated from other populations for most of Sigean history. I'll have to tell you some time about the bugbear discovery though, because it's pretty interesting and really violent.
Bud: Oh man, I cannot wait. That's wild stuff, Herb. Just wild.
Herb: Yeah, yeah. It's pretty wild, but anyways, you know, as former adventurers, we feel particularly suited to finding out whether this beast is a real flesh and blood monster...
Bud: Or just a legend.
Herb: Yeah.
Bud: And in [00:03:00] order to prove that a cryptid is real, you need hardcore evidence. You need to either meet one in person, or maybe you need a corpse, perhaps some scatological evidence. You need something that you can point to and say, this thing is as real as it gets.
Herb: Oh yeah. And we're gonna make it our mission to find that evidence.
Bud: Exactly. So, like Herb mentioned before, we used to be full time adventurers. Going all over Sigea, fighting baddies, getting riches, all that good stuff. But one day we found this wonderful little town called Mystra's Glen, where it is just gorgeous every day of the year. And we said to ourselves, you know what? This place it's so nice. And we are so tired of being chased around by monsters, camping out in the wild, sleeping on rocks and all that stuff. Why don't [00:04:00] we just hang up our cloaks and retire? And we did.
Herb: We did! No regrets.
Bud: Nope. Oh man, we love it here. And we've been here ever since. We are so happy. But It was not long before we started hearing the stories of this beast stalking the countryside and scaring folks half to death. Ain't that right?
Herb: Yeah, well, at least it's scaring us and the other members of the Mystra's Glen Cryptid Club. I don't know if the general populace is scared, but they should be.
Bud: Oh, they absolutely should be. All right, Herb, let's do it. Let's get down to business. Tell us about this cryptid we are on the hunt for.
Herb: The cryptid that we are going to be attempting to find is called The Cinderwood Walker.
Bud: Oh man, that just sounds spooky.
Herb: Yeah. Over time, there have of course been some sightings. Without having any, like you said, scatological evidence, it's hard to verify these claims.
Bud: Hmm, yeah.
Herb: [00:05:00] So, we're trying to get our eyeballs on one of these things and maybe a baggie full of evidence.
Bud: Alright. So the folks who claim to have seen it, what are they saying about the Cinderwood Walker?
Herb: Well Bud, the interesting thing about the Cinderwood Walker sightings is there are wild inconsistencies as far as the physical description, which is probably why people feel that they can debunk the walker.
Bud: Interesting. What kind of inconsistencies?
Herb: Some people have described it as a four legged goat monster. Some people say that it's bipedal.
Bud: Mm hmm.
Herb: And other people say that it has the head of a bat!
Bud: Head of a bat. Okay. Well, the way I heard it, it's got these great big wings. It's flying all around, scaring folks. All that stuff. So, nobody can seem to agree what it looks like. What do you think that is all about?
Herb: My theory is that maybe there's more than one, [00:06:00] which I would love, because that means that we could spot a whole family of cryptids.
Bud: Oh boy, oh Herb. Okay, yeah, your chances of seeing one probably goes way up if there's a whole bunch of them around, but if they're as scary as they sound, meeting a whole family sounds, uh, I don't know, ill advised.
Herb: Maybe. Yeah, probably.
Bud: Yeah, okay. So, accounts of the Walker are all different, but there is one thing that people do agree on.
Herb: The stench.
Bud: The stench.
Herb: Apparently the smell is so bad people say that it can kill!
Bud: It can kill. Oh my gosh, man, that must be a pretty bad smell. I have heard the smell is so bad, it will burn your eyeballs straight out your skull. Oh, God, my eyes! Oh no!
Herb: Like cutting 75 onions at the same time. Real bad.
Bud: But, after the onions have already taken a trip through somebody's poopy chutes.
Herb: [00:07:00] That's the smell.
Bud: Now, Herb, there is another part of the Cinderwood Walker legend, and that is when it is sighted, somebody goes missing. Have you heard that?
Herb: I have heard that. And you know, a lot of people say that that is just a scare tactic that parents use to keep their kids from running into the forest at night. But I don't know. Legends exist for a reason, right?
Bud: They do. They do. Legends, old wives tales, they are often based on some kernel of truth. Here's the funny thing though, Mystra's Glen, and really just the Verdant Valley in general, it ain't like a lot of places you and I have been. They ain't really got no monsters around here at all. So, don't you think it's interesting that mamas tell their little ones these cautionary tales about spooky monsters when this is just about the safest, most peaceful place we have ever been?
Herb: It's so interesting. There are [00:08:00] questions that need answers.
Bud: All right. Well, Herb, it's like you said, this here is an investigative fungcast. We're not just gonna chitter chat about it. We're gonna get out there. We're gonna look for this thing.
Herb: That's exactly right, and we just so happen to be going to the Cinderwood to meet up with Grondar Pawsniff tonight.
Bud: Oh, y'all are in for a special treat. If y'all don't know Grondar, he's the proprietor of Pawsniffer's Trading Post right here in Mystra's Glen. He sells 100 percent vegan leathers and furs. He's a Ranger, just a handsome old fella, and, he allegedly had a one on one close encounter with a real Cinderwood Walker, Herb. We are gonna go out to meet him, he's gonna show us where he was, what he saw, he's gonna tell us all about it, right after this commercial. Y'all stick around.
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Herb: Alright, so we're now going to be heading out to the Cinderwood where Grondar Pawsniff is going to be taking us to the spot where he saw the Cinderwood Walker.
Bud: Well, looky there, here comes Grondar right now. Grondar, thank you so much for meeting us out here today. You know, Herb of course.
Grondar: I do. I do.
Herb: Good to see you Grondar.
Grondar: Mm-hmm.
Bud: Oh man. We are so excited. We cannot believe you've had this amazing experience. We're gonna hand the reins over to you. You just lead us to where we're going, and tell us everything. We are all ears. We wanna [00:11:00] hear about it.
Grondar: Oh my. Well, uh, hello, uh, hello, li-listeners, my name is Grondar Pawsniff. And, um, is, is this good so far?
Herb: You're doing great Grondar.
Grondar: Okay, great. Okay, so,
Herb: Just pretend like the mushroom mic isn't here.
Grondar: I'm, I'm not much for talking, but, um, okay, let, let me get into it. The Blightroot, uh, is one of the best places to, to find the best mushrooms. So this is where I come out into the forest and find the best shrooms.
Bud: Grondar, for folks out there who maybe don't know what the Blightroot is, could you just to explain to them... what is the Blightroot?
Grondar: We're heading there now. It's, it's, an old black tree. It's pretty much [00:12:00] direct center of the Cinderwood and one incredible thing about it is that, uh, there's always a clearing around the old Blightroot. You'll go through a mile or two of extremely dense forest and then you'll hit this clearing and you know that you're close because you start to be able to see almost a field with just this black tree, in the middle of it.
Bud: Yeah, it's just a spooky place.
Grondar: It does in fact give you a very uneasy feeling because, uh, number one, if you're the type of person that has the ability to see, in darkness.
Bud: Like me and Herb, right? Herb, you can see in the dark pretty good, right?
Herb: No, absolutely not. I'm very scared of the dark.
Bud: Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, that's terrible. Well, we're going to a pretty dark place today. I hope you're gonna be all right, Herb.
Herb: I'm usually as long as you're there.
Bud: Oh, I got your shell. Well Herb, let [00:13:00] me explain what happens. So we, when you turn off the lights, Bud an I can, can usually see gray scale for the most part.
Bud: Yeah, you can't see no colors, but you can still see stuff pretty good.
Grondar: Some call it darkvision. Here's the thing about that clearing and the old Blightroot is that, uh, when you get to that spot, your darkvision fails you. And, and I'm not exactly sure why.
Herb: That's unsettling. That's very unsettling.
Bud: Yeah, it's freaky. Most folk don't like to go out to the Blightroot 'cause it's real spooky and whatnot but you, you don't seem to mind too much, doesn’t bother you. Why is that?
Grondar: My profession demands that I find the finest crop of mushroom. As far as I know, I am the only vegan leather maker and, uh, furrier in these parts.
Bud: So, so tell us why, you're going out to the Blightroot exactly.
Grondar: Well, I'll be honest, I avoided it like most people in the [00:14:00] area, for many years, but the closer I, I, I would get to the old Blightroot the better the quality of the mushrooms.
Bud: Wow. Really?
Grondar: That's the amazing thing about it. The closer that you get, you realize that, that the old Blightroot has become a haven for these mycelium, these mushrooms.
Bud: Wow. All right, so take us back to this night. You're out in the woods and you're looking for mushrooms and what happens?
Grondar: Well, it was a night like any other. It was time for me to do some harvesting. But as I reached the clearing, I gave my usual offering to the Blightroot, which is, I I bring a few, mushrooms back to it. Ones that I have collected as a show of of peace. For some reason it, it feels like the right thing to do, and immediately I knew that something was different. The first thing [00:15:00] that I saw walking up were tracks. And they were tracks unlike anything I've ever seen before.
Bud: Oh my.
Grondar: Well, these hooves, were surrounded by, by claws and then also, what looked like a footprint. So I saw three types of different tracks
Bud: What?
Grondar: In a same pattern. Perhaps if you were looking for a deer, you would see, deer hooves, right? Or, feline creature would have pads.
Bud: Right.
Grondar: Well this had all three.
Bud: Now I, I think it's worth noting real quick here, for the folks out there in case we didn't mention it before. Grondar, how long have you been a ranger?
Grondar: Well, I have been a ranger for, going on 30
Bud: Okay.
Grondar: years now.
Bud: Long time. So we are [00:16:00] speaking today with someone who has decades of experience and that you aren't just some uninformed noob out here who thinks they've seen something crazy. You know what you're looking at and you, when you see something, you can't understand it, it's for reals.
Grondar: That's right.
Bud: Okay. Okay. You're using these skills that you've developed over such a long time, and you are now seeing something you can't explain.
Grondar: I could not explain it.
Bud: Triple tracks
Grondar: Triple tracks.
Bud: And then what happened?
Grondar: Well, you could easily tell based on the pattern that this was not two or three animals walking together closely. This was one creature, and that was immediately, a cause for, alarm, to be honest.
Bud: Yeah.
Herb: Like a turducken.
Grondar: Could be like a turducken. It could be, yeah.
Bud: Hang on. I ain't never heard no turducken. Is that another cryptid?
Herb: Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not another cryptid. It's a dish that I saw a recipe for when we were [00:17:00] in Calandria. However, it is quite a meat heavy, so I've actually taken and rejiggered the recipe. So on the Givingthanks holiday, I like to make a tofucken instead.
Bud: All right, so that's a turd and an uck and a hen?
Herb: No, it's like a, a tofu dish, but it's mimicking having a, a chicken inside of a duck, inside of a turkey.
Bud: Oh. Oh.
Herb: A tofucken.
Bud: Tofucken. That sounds, that sounds pretty good. Alright, let's get back on track here.
Grondar: Okay. Alright. Anyway, so after the tracks, the hair on the back of my neck stood up, and, uh,, then I smelled it. I pride myself in being able to not be a overly hyperbolic person. But I tell you what this smell was incapacitating. My eyes started watering. My, my [00:18:00] nose started watering it was horrible.
Bud: Okay, alright. Well, that's classic. That is a classic Cinderwood Walker sign.
Grondar: Yep. Mm-hmm. All right. So, well, here's the thing. As, as you know, I, I'm also a cryptid enthusiast.
Bud: Oh yeah.
Grondar: While my, all of my senses were on fire and I, I admit, I was starting to feel a little bit, frightened. I, was also extremely excited.
Bud: Sure.
Grondar: Because was this it? Was this the Cinderwood Walker? After all this time. The third element was this: it came what seemed to be from the center of the clearing where the Blightroot would be. But here's the thing, I was suddenly pitched into an inky black darkness. So I'm smelling this thing, I lose sight of the tracks and then at that moment I hear [00:19:00] it… uh, do you play music? Either of you play music?
Herb: Yeah.
Bud: Oh Yeah.
Herb: We have some music down at the 'Nug on Tuesday nights. Bud is really great at the karaoke.
Bud: Oh man, we, we rock a good open mic night. Mm-hmm.
Grondar: It, it had a, it had a low tone of whispering, a bass note, and then on top of that, a sort of an octave up, was another tone, very similar, whispering, the same things. And then there was a sort of what they call a tritone. that was even above that. It was absolutely everywhere. I was in the dark smelling this thing, hearing this, and the whispering became slowly, louder and louder and all I wanted to do was see this thing. But my heart was beating so fast. I also wanted to run, to be honest, I wanted to get the heck out of there.
Bud: Well of course you did that's absolutely terrifiyin'.
Herb: Look, fellas, I'm getting a little scared and snacky. Why [00:20:00] don't we take a short rest here and we can hear from one of our sponsors before we press on towards the Blightroot.
Bud: I'm Crazy Crygglinexxerflump Buddlicker. Come on down to Crygglinexxerflump's Curiosities and Magical Sundries. We're slashing prices on all pre-owned portable holes. Come on down here, you got to see these glorious holes. Is your house overflowing with chotchkies and you wish you had a little more room? Or maybe your wife kicked you out of the house and you just need a place to hunker down. Get yourself in one of these holes today! Grab everyone you know and get your butts down here. My pal Pickle's, cooking up a whole pot of beans and would love to serve you some. Ain't that right, Pickle?
Pickle: That's right, Bud. Here at Crygglinexxerflump's Curiosities we love beans!
Bud: You’re damn right we do! I'm so craaaaaazy I'm giving away free beans. [00:21:00] And if you purchase a portable hole today, we'll fill it to the brim with delicious, juicy beans.
Pickle: We have baked beans, refried beans, all kinds of beans!
Bud: Holes, wands, magic rings. You want it? We probably got it. And all of our merchandise is one hundred percent lawfully procured and ready for resale with our finders keepers guarantee. At Crygglinexxerflump's everything's on the up and up, except for our prices. So come on down here, we're just off Old Cinderwood Road, right behind Milky Bob's Wagon Repair. People say I'm full of beans, and they may be right, but I
know for the best price in town, come on down to Crygglinexxerflump's! [00:22:00]
Bud: So here we are at the clearing and man, I gotta tell you, Blightroot in person.... It's just spooky as hell. I'm feeling as nervous as a worm at bird convention. Herb, how are you failing?
Herb: I'm not feeling super great.
Bud: Oh, man. I know. Don't you worry now it's going to be all right. Now Grondar.
Grondar: Mm-hmm
Bud: We are now standing where you had your encounter with the Cinderwood Walker. Walk us through what happened.
Grondar: When I saw this creature, It was all this inky black in front of me. So it was almost as if the entire clearing had been engulfed in a black fog.
Bud: Oh my.
Grondar: And I just stood here, terrified. I didn't wanna move just in case. All right. And so, right. Come over right here. Yeah. Stand right here. So at this very spot. I looked out and suddenly the clouds just parted. Just moved away. [00:23:00] The entire fog just drifted into the trees, leaving the clearing and the moon shining. And, um, I look out. And I see this thing. At first, I think "Has the root duplicated itself?" because this enormous thing, this thing was standing beside the old Blightroot. I thought I was seeing double, but no. The thing next to the old Blightroot starts moving. It had antlers that were jutting out from its head, much like branches would from a tree. They were uneven and they were, they were frightening in their chaos. The next thing I saw were, were dots where I assumed its face would be, and these dots were glowing, this yellowish green color almost as if they had been lit from the inside [00:24:00] out that you could almost see beams of this yellow pointing directly to me. And it was looking at me. It only had eyes for me. It seemed to have two front feet much like my own feet, but it also had hooves in the back, and then another leg ended in a giant, giant paw. So I, I immediately thought, "Is, is it a giant possum? Is it a giant goat?" Any of these things could have been true. But again, let me stress, this was enormous. Think of a, a moose perhaps. But a moose has has proportions that make sense. This thing did not make sense. It turned its head in some sort of bird-like way. And, and it maybe had a, a beak. Oh no, man. I, I've never seen anything like this.
And then as the clouds [00:25:00] parted. I could see the prints that I had been tracking were filled with rot. That also had this sort of yellow green tinge to 'em. And, and mushrooms. But mushrooms that probably, if I saw them in the wild again, I would, I would, immediately walk away 'cause they did not look right.
Bud: Oh my Gods.
Grondar: It's haunting my dreams.
Bud: That sounds terrifying.
Herb: Really scary.
Grondar: Yeah, and then as quickly as it appeared, gone. Gone. I mean, I, I, not even just a slow fading away, but I, I was staring at it, maybe like a, a, a little patch of fog just went between me and the tree and this thing, and it was gone. Gone.
Bud: Just disappeared into the night.
Grondar: I'm, not ashamed to say that I, I ran all of my speed back home
Bud: Wow.
Herb: Running seems like the sensible thing to have done because what you just [00:26:00] described is absolutely terrifying.
Bud: So, what are the chances that we might recreate that experience here tonight. What do we need to
do?
Herb: Should we offer some mushrooms?
Grondar: Let's try it.
Herb: Okay. Do you have some for snacking too? If you don't have any for snacking, I brought some celery.
Grondar: I'll just put 'em right here.
Herb: What, what, what was that?
Bud: Oh hell no, we gots to get the @#$% up outa here.
Grondar: It came from over there?
Bud: Oh my God. Y'all, y'all. It's Pickle.
Pickle: Oh Bud, I fell down the hill.
Bud: Well you sure did! Are you all right? Here, come on, come [00:27:00] on. Get up.
Pickle: Oh. Thanks Bud.
Bud: What tarnation are you doing here? You scared us half to death.
Pickle: Oh, I'm sorry. I was back at the shop and I was thinking, it would sure be nice to go see the Cinderwood Walker with Bud and Herb. And, so I just, I just wanted to see, and...
Bud: Pickle, don't you know it's dangerous out here? We don't want you to get hurt or nothing.
Herb: Pickle, did you fall into a pile of dung?
Bud: Or a pile of dead bodies. You smell terrible, man.
Herb: Not good. It's not good.
Bud: What in the nine hells is that?
Grondar: That smell isn't Pickle. RUN!
Bud: Oh fuck we're dead!
Pickle: [00:28:00] Herb I can't run, help me!
Herb: Pickle! Bud! Jump on my shell. Grab some lettuce, let's go!
Pickle: Bud! Help me!
Bud: Help. Pickle, just shut the down man. All right, put your foot in here, put your foot, come on. All right, okay, okay, we're on, we're on.
Herb: We're going.
Bud: Herb, man, you gotta hurry up. Oh @#$%!
Herb: I'm going as fast as I can Bud!
Bud: Herb! It's right behind us! It's right behind us! Holy @#$%.
Herb: Oh God.
Grondar: Where?
Bud: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god we're dead!
Grondar: Keep running. Up ahead on the left there's a small cave.
Bud: Go, man, go! Hurry up! Hurry the @#$% up!
Herb: I'm going as fast as I can, Bud! I can't see @#$%!
Grondar: Follow my voice, there's a narrow opening, the thing won't be able to follow, come on.
Herb: [00:29:00] Grondar! Grondar! My shell, it's too round, I can't fit!
Grondar: Bud, jump down and push. I've got your shell, I'll pull you in.
Bud: Oh my God, Herb, you weigh so much. I'm sorry, it's not nice, but it's true.
Grondar: No fat shaming. While we're in danger, please.
Herb: It's not my fault I'm 411 pounds, 310 of those are shell!
Grondar: So close.
Herb: Oh.
Grondar: Okay.
Bud: Almost there, almost there.
Grondar: Right.
Herb: Uh, Oh, Okay, I'm in, I'm in.
Bud: Alright, everybody get in the back. Get as far back as you can.
Herb: Here, everybody behind me, behind me. He won't see us if we pretend we're under the shell. It's just a garden. Come on, under me. [00:30:00]
Bud: Oh my god, that smell. Oh @#$%, that ain't natural. That just ain't natural. Oh my god, I've never smelled something so bad in my whole life. Herb, kill me now. I feel like I'll never be cheerful again.
Herb: Bud, Bud, it's okay. You just need to calm down. Close your eyes. Go to your happy place. There's rubies everywhere. So much gold. Just think about the gold.
Bud: The gold. I'm gonna dive in that gold, I'm gonna swim around in it.
Herb: Swim around in the gold. And then shut the @#$% up.
Grondar: Quiet. Don't move.
Grondar: Is everybody okay?
Pickle: I don't feel so good.
Herb: Oh, Pickle. Oh boy. Here, have, have some ginger. See if that'll settle your tummy.[00:31:00]
Bud: Man, that's chunky. What'd you eat man? That's @#$%ed up.
Herb: You had lunch at the Tasty Nugget, didn't you?
Pickle: It was meatloaf day, it's my favorite.
Herb: Yeah, yeah, I know.
Bud: My god, Herb please tell me we got all that. Did we get it?
Herb: We got all of it! But, oh, sugar honey iced tea, I think that MyCorder is almost out of juice.
Grondar: We shouldn't stay here. Come on, let's just...
Fitz: The Adventures of Bud and Herb is brought to you by The Pocket Dimension. Created and written by Anna Fitzgerald and Evan Bivins. Episode 1, Welcome to Mystra's Glen, stars Evan Bivins as Crygglinexxerflump "Bud" Buddlicker and Pickle Grimsby, Anna Fitzgerald as Herb, Matthew Bivins as Grondar Pawsniff and Alison Kendrick as the MyComm spokeswoman. Produced and edited by Anna Fitzgerald, Evan Bivins, Matthew Bivins [00:32:00] and Alison Kendrick. Sound design by Evan Bivins. Original character art and poster by Bridgit Connell. And special thanks to Alejandro Tey and Greg Hess. Please consider supporting our show by becoming a patron at patreon.com/enterthepocketdimension. Or find us on YouTube and all other socials @enterthepocketdimension.