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The Inspired Collective is a thoughtful, honest podcast for women navigating full lives, careers, families, ambition, relationships, and everything in between.
Each week, we have candid conversations about the pressure to keep up, the advice we’ve outgrown, the seasons we’re moving through, and what it really looks like to live with intention in a world that constantly tells you to do more.
This isn’t about hustle for hustle’s sake or having everything figured out. It’s a weekly check-in — a place to pause, shift your perspective, and feel a little less alone in the balancing act.
Whether you’re building a career, raising a family, rethinking your direction, or simply trying to live more intentionally, these conversations are here to ground you, challenge you, and remind you that you’re not behind, you’re building.
Expect real talk. Thoughtful perspective shifts. And the kind of conversations that stay with you long after the episode ends.
R Pool (00:03)
Have you ever sent a text and then immediately thought, wait, I should probably explain what I meant? So you send another text and then another. And somehow the original message was six words, and now you've written a small memoir. Or somebody asks you a simple question, and instead of just answering it, you give them the entire backstory of how you arrived at your decision. Why do we do this? Why are we so uncomfortable with just saying what we mean and
Why do we do this? Why are we so uncomfortable just saying what we mean and stopping? Because sometimes the most powerful thing you say isn't more, it's less. Today we're talking about over-explaining, nervous talking, uncomfortable silences, defending decisions nobody asked us to defend, and learning how to say less and mean more. Hello, hello. Welcome back to the Inspired Collective Podcast. This is Renee.
Karli (01:01)
And this is Carly.
R Pool (01:02)
And we are so excited to be back for another one. Woo-hoo! I gotta change the inflection.
Karli (01:07)
Who?
Okay, just listening to you say that opening, I'm thinking about us on this podcast and how sometimes we're like, we should have just said a little less about that.
R Pool (01:17)
I mean, we gotta we gotta give them we gotta give a little taste of what we're ⁓ what we're about to talk about. What if they like wanna save it for later or send it to a friend or like, subscribe, share? Uh-huh. ⁓ I have to say, as we get started today, I am never more humbled.
Karli (01:20)
Do as we say, not as we do, apparently.
Yes, like, subscribe and share.
R Pool (01:46)
Than I am when we record. ⁓ for those that can't see me, I it's hair wash day, my hair is dirty, I have it in a slick back ponytail. What I think is like one of those cute girl ponies, like the slip back look. ⁓ but looking in my screen as we're recording, ⁓ I kind of it's giving Colonial Boy.
I don't feel so It's like one of the I'll have to set we'll post a picture. It's like one of those like Revolutionary War the the males had long hair. It's like not a cute cheek. It's more like, you know, give me my musket. I'm gonna fight the British.
Karli (02:14)
Colonial boy looks like buttons.
Mm.
What?
Well, no one technically can see you because we don't post videos of this podcast anymore unless it's like on our Instagram stories. Or Instagram feed.
R Pool (02:39)
Well stay tuned for the episode recaps or ⁓ Instagram tidbits because you might get a glimpse.
Karli (02:43)
Selfie.
Mm-hmm. ⁓ Okay, fun question to kick us off since we're talking about ⁓ how saying less means more. Which one of the two of us is more likely to turn a two sentence two sentence story into a fourteen minute explanation?
R Pool (03:07)
I raise my hand before you even finish talking.
Karli (03:10)
I probably agree with that.
R Pool (03:14)
And yeah Especially over text, it's just hard to inflection's hard over text.
Karli (03:20)
I love your voice memos.
R Pool (03:23)
Okay, voice memo is me over explaining my text.
Karli (03:27)
You'll literally go, ⁓
⁓ where was I going with that? yeah.
R Pool (03:37)
my gosh, I'm cracking up. The voice memo following the text is the over explanation of the text in 2026. But then I lose my train of thought and then Yeah. Sorry. Sorry in advance and apologies for the past. but no, I I fully I fill on agree with that. I feel like you're confident in your like you
Karli (03:48)
Yes.
R Pool (04:05)
when it comes to written when it comes to the written word, you are more succinct and clear in your communication.
Karli (04:11)
Mm-hmm.
I don't know if that's necessarily always true, but you know, between the two of us. Or just going between the two of us.
R Pool (04:22)
Okay, touche. The bar is set very low.
Karli (04:27)
Yeah. ⁓ I would you say you I okay, so I I think I know this. Are you're you're definitely an over explainer.
R Pool (04:38)
It's something that I'm actively trying to fix, but yes. And
Karli (04:42)
I honestly feel sometimes feel like I'm the opposite. I feel like I don't explain enough. Like somebody will ask me a question, I'll give them like a two-word answer. I just don't like to talk that much, which is funny because we're doing a podcast, but
R Pool (04:50)
That is ironic. I feel like I don't it used to be, and we've talked about this in previous episodes, it used to be an over explanation for the preservation of myself, like, still be my friend, let me tell you why. Still hang out with me, let me tell you why. But almost it's almost like flipped the script, and now I'm over explaining for the other person. Like I know what it's like to not be explained enough to thinking specifically about the context of like the
Karli (04:53)
Well
Mm-hmm.
R Pool (05:20)
workplace. ⁓ so I almost overexplained trying to anticipate their questions i ⁓ and like trying to like give the complete picture as I'm overexplaining the answer to this question.
Karli (05:32)
Mm-hmm.
I'll show ever explain the complete picture.
R Pool (05:42)
How do you do I mean, speaking to that, how do you I I when I think of over explaining
In a social situation, I think of people trying to fill the silences. How do you do with silence in conversation? Not uncomfortable silence, but like a comfortable silence.
Karli (06:04)
That there is definitely times and conversations where silence is better than than speaking. ⁓ I think one of those times is when there's thought that needs to happen. For example, if you're in a work meeting and someone is like reviewing materials or something that you've given them, you don't need to fill the silence while they're reviewing with mindless conversation. I think another time that silence is really ⁓
R Pool (06:09)
Mm.
Mm.
Karli (06:34)
important in
trying think of how to say this, so you delete this part but
Silence is really important in kind of developing the story or and getting your point across, is what I mean. So silence is really important in getting your point across. So for example, if you're in a disagreement with someone and you're having a two-way conversation and you say something, and then you just sit and wait for the other person to respond. And if they don't respond, it doesn't mean you continue to feel
R Pool (06:51)
Mm.
Karli (07:11)
the conversation with more conversation because then you lose the plot, you lose the point. You lose what you were saying. So I think that's another thing is like sometimes silence is okay.
R Pool (07:16)
Mm. Mm-hmm.
I agree. I feel like
Karli (07:25)
And it's uncomfortable. It is uncomfortable. I do I like sit in, I'm like, ooh, should I say something?
R Pool (07:30)
Well and also feel like it can help with the severity, you know, the different levels of severity of the conversation. Like not even in a disagreement, but delivering harsh news or standing firm to who you are.
I think silence is a tool that you can use.
Karli (07:57)
Do you feel like as you've gotten older you've gotten better at communicating?
R Pool (08:02)
Yes and no. I think
Again, kind of with what I was saying before, I think my need to explain myself has gone down and why I'm thinking this way, and you know, knows a full sentence and things like that. But on the opposite end, as I am leading a larger team and, you know, having a footprint in a bigger company, I feel almost from a protective stance, like.
For the preservation of their feelings or, you know, for instructions on a project or what have you. I find that's where my over explanation has come in. So it's it's shifted, it still exists clearly, but ⁓ it's kind of shifted to a different focus. ⁓ what about you? As you're older and wiser.
Karli (09:01)
I think that my I've gotten a lot more emotionally mature. And I think that that has helped my communication skills significantly. ⁓ it's funny as I've
R Pool (09:05)
Mm.
Karli (09:15)
started ⁓ a new job and one of the girls that works there, she's like ten years younger than me. She's really sweet, like super sweet girl, but she reminds me so much of myself when I was twenty-six years old. And I told her that the day I was like, she she she reminds me a lot of myself. But the reason she reminds me of myself is I remember being in the workplace at twenty six and feeling like I had to give the first response. So the first answer had to be the longest answer. ⁓
And it was almost like a self-preservation thing of like trying to prove myself because I was so young that I knew what I was talking about. Where sometimes it's best just to ask a question and let the other person
R Pool (09:50)
Hmm. Well I find
Karli (09:57)
feel important or feel like they're the one you know what I mean? Like there's it's just a different way of communicating.
R Pool (10:02)
Absolutely, or like meet you in the conversation versus you taking it 90% of the way, ask the right questions, have them meet you in the middle, and then it becomes more of a conversation, then you're communicating, you know, the right way. you talk about needing to be validated as a younger person, but like I also feel like people do it because if they give enough information, you'll understand the scenario or why they did something, or you won't judge, you know. So it's
Karli (10:28)
Mm-hmm.
R Pool (10:32)
I feel like there's a multi layers as to why people feel the need to overexplain.
Karli (10:42)
I think that brings up a good point and I think that's something to say like
Explaining people like to in that such in that scenario like to explain decisions that were never really part of the conversation or part of the debate. Right? It's like I chose
R Pool (11:03)
Mm.
Karli (11:08)
X, Y, and Z for these reasons, it's not making any sense.
R Pool (11:13)
Well, you could jump to exactly. That's the difference between providing context and defending yourself. Like I feel like that was a good
Karli (11:19)
yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think ⁓ exactly that's the difference between providing context and feeling like you need to just continue just continuously defend yourself in a situation or in a conversation.
R Pool (11:33)
Yeah, that's valid. 'Cause I mean some things do need context to
understand completely. but it's to me that's a very fine line.
Karli (11:52)
Something else I want to talk about while we're on the topic of, you know, why we feel like we have to over-explain or explain everything is the ability to realize that someone can understand your reasoning or your point of view and still disagree with what you're saying.
R Pool (12:14)
Mm.
Karli (12:15)
You don't have to necessarily go down this rabbit hole hole of over explanation. And I have a girlfriend that does she listens to this podcast, so she's gonna know who I'm talking about if she does this. But if she says she does, hey. ⁓ for a really long time and she's gotten much better, but she had a really hard time with ⁓
R Pool (12:23)
Nice. Hey
Karli (12:32)
Well we'll talk about I'm not gonna like go into political views, but if she had a different political view than someone in our friend group, she would almost like chastise them to get them to agree with her. It's like d that form of communication is not going to make someone believe your point of view anymore. And actually is what it's gonna do is it's gonna do the total opposite.
R Pool (12:41)
Mm.
Absolutely.
Karli (12:53)
You know, like if you're in this debate with someone and you just keep talking and talking and talking and you're like a little like chihuahua that just keeps coming at ⁓ the most the the best thing you can do in that situation is just sit there and smile and say, Okay, I understand your point of view. I'm entitled to have mine, and that's where we'll leave that. And I remember like having this conversation with her as we got older. It was like one of the last girls' trips we took, and I remember saying that to her. She just kept going and I was like, Okay, you're entitled to your opinion, like whatever that was. So
It gives you almost the upper hand to be able to do that and just say like, Okay.
R Pool (13:21)
That's it.
Absolutely. Well, and that's that is you bring up such a good point with that because in situations like that, you know, it's overexplaining isn't about clarity. It's about controlling how people are agreeing with you, receiving the information, you know, aligned. And so it almost just compounds on each other when you're talking with someone who is so
⁓ adamant about doing that, when to your point in reality, more words can sometimes actually make your point weaker. So it is smarter, more intuitive, ⁓ to just be more short-winded with stuff like that.
Karli (14:02)
Mm-hmm.
Is there a person or s or is there like a person or a specific situation or something in your life that makes you feel like you need to explain yourself more?
R Pool (14:29)
I feel like I find myself I it's not a conscious thing to where I'm actively going in and coming in super verbose or things like that. But it is I think a subtle unconscious thing, even still being so new to the company that I'm in, in like feeling like I need to validate my reasoning or myself or you know, my success in a as a manager or even my managerial style. ⁓
So it's, you know, it kind of dredging up thoughts surrounding this as we're talking about this. But I think even even subconsciously, that's where I find it ⁓ occurring most in my current life.
What about you?
Karli (15:17)
Mm.
I remember what I even asked you. We're really doing good this episode. Really good thing it's about speaking in with our intention.
R Pool (15:32)
Yeah, right? I can cut out the what about you?
Karli (15:36)
We need to change the we need to maybe change the word though, like the ⁓ what actually I think chat did change it. Say less mean more. That's better than. We're not saying much in this episode, so that's a perfect.
R Pool (15:42)
How to speak. Yeah.
Nope. I transitioned I kind of transitioned into like more words making your point weaker. So section two. so I can take out what about you and we can like transition and keep going.
Karli (16:01)
Yeah. Yeah.
R Pool (16:07)
You want me to take it?
Karli (16:08)
Yeah.
R Pool (16:14)
And I do think, you know, going back to what I had mentioned, there are scenarios and there are conversations where your words actually make more words actually make your point weaker.
Talking how you were comfortable in the silence, you know talking through silence because silence feels awkward is just talking to talk. You know, it's you find yourself answering questions nobody asked. You pointing to me, send the follow-up text no one explained or no one asked for the explanation on. And so it just it almost creates its own scenario without having to be one.
Karli (17:04)
Sorry, I have a question. In your response, because I I got mixed up. I thought we were still in segment one, but you had transitioned to segment two before I asked you a question from segment one. It worked, but then I'm like, did we did we go through any of these talking points in that response? Like repeating yourself because somebody else didn't respond the way you wanted.
R Pool (17:13)
It worked, it worked.
No, so I mentioned it. No, that's currently what I'm trying that's currently what I'm Yeah. So in my question I didn't, but in this current like struggle. No.
Karli (17:26)
Like this whole section right here that I'm highlighting. Did we talk about any of this? Yeah, you you mentioned part of that, yeah. Okay.
Okay, that's what I th I knew you did, but I was making sure we weren't like repeating it again. ⁓
R Pool (17:52)
Here's a question for you. Have you ever talked yourself out of a strong position because you kept explaining it, like almost changed your own mind?
Karli (18:04)
Sure, I have. I mean, I can't think of a specific time where I've done that, but I'm sure I have. I think it's especially the younger version of me that felt like I needed to overexplain everything instead of just saying, you know, I can't make it on Tuesday to this event, I would say like, I can't make it because I have this thing earlier and I need to pick up my son and I could probably rearrange it, but it's just a crazy week. And then before I know it, I'm recommitting to another day because I overexplained it when I really just didn't want to do it to begin with.
R Pool (18:35)
Yeah. But they but you also don't owe them that response in my opinion. It should be okay for you to just Yep. Less is more.
Karli (18:41)
No, just sometimes less is more.
R Pool (18:50)
I feel like we need
Karli (18:55)
I just got lost and now I don't know like where we're at. Like I I feel like we should have said this entire thing right here and just like gone down this and like expanded on it, but we've gone like multiple places now and I don't know I don't know where we were and where we're at.
R Pool (18:57)
I feel like we need to
Yeah, I mean I kind of did a little bit in that portion.
Karli (19:12)
You went you went you you said a couple bullet points, but they weren't really like exactly which they don't have to be exactly these, obviously that's the point, but you said a couple things, but now I don't really know how to go back to say more of these to like add more context.
R Pool (19:21)
I feel like we need to transition into like like we've talked about why it's bad and what we do and like all those things. So I feel like we almost need to skip segment three or skip down to like a section where we're giving the correctionable action or like talking about like how we fix it.
Karli (19:40)
So maybe I'll say maybe I'll go through segment two and say like, you know, I think, you know, we've made this very clear. There's almost a point there's a point in almost every conversation where you've made your point and then you just keep talking. And sometimes every sentence after that actually makes your point a lot weaker. You know, you're we're repeating ourselves and like kinda just because you didn't say any of these bullet points exactly, which we don't want to, but I can kind of just recap a few of those and then we can and then I'll like recap everything and we can go into the next section. Did that work? Hopefully that sounds good in the thing. I don't know.
R Pool (19:52)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Co? Mm-hmm.
We'll see.
Karli (20:15)
You know, I think the point of this conversation and kind of what we've been talking about up to this point, ⁓ is that there is a point in almost every conversation where you have a major point, to continue saying the word point. And now I lost my
R Pool (20:26)
There's a point in every conversation that you're trying to make your point.
Karli (20:34)
Yeah. Okay, let me start that over.
I think that that is a really what you you s you talked last, right? There's gonna be a lot of editing in this one. Okay. I think that that is a really poignant way of saying that. You know, there's as we've been saying, there's a point in almost every conversation where you've made your point and then you just keep talking. And sometimes every sentence after that actually makes your original point weaker.
R Pool (20:45)
Yeah. Yeah.
Karli (21:05)
You know, you're repeating yourself because the other person didn't respond the way you wanted. It's adding qualifiers after making a perfectly clear statement. You know, sometimes we say that the no is a full sentence. Talking through silence because it feels awkward and icky. ⁓ sending a follow-up text to explain the first text that you've sent, continuing the argument, which I think is a big one, after you've said what needed to be said.
And in doing that sometimes you've accidentally turned no.
So I think it's just a reminder that sometimes the sentence of the conversation was finished three sentences ago and you don't need to continue.
R Pool (21:59)
Yeah. That's a good that's a good I feel like a good thing to keep in mind when it comes to emails. I know we're talking about speaking, but I, you know, this can cross over to email yeah, to correspondence as well. And sometimes, especially when I'm, you know, angry or or charged or whatever, I'll pump out an email and sometimes just sit on it.
Karli (22:09)
Mm-hmm.
It's a form of speaking nowadays. Or communication.
R Pool (22:25)
And then go back and edit it and take out, you know, the last three sentences that really don't need or like tweak it down to kind of take out the over explanation. So I love you just said about, you know, sometimes a sentence was finished three sentences ago. because you know, that's something that you can edit and take back.
Karli (22:31)
Yeah.
That's a really actually a really great example of saying less means more. If you work for a business or you have your own business, you know, client feedback, negative client feedback is always gonna be a thing. And they always say that like if someone leaves you a bad review that's saying less is more, you don't you have this tendency, like whenever whenever we have something like that happen, which we've had it happen a few times, ⁓ I would just immediately get defensive and I wanna like shoot something back and I would start Googling where they work and what they do so I can ruin their lives like they're trying to ruin my lives. And so I'll type it all out.
And then I'll sit on it for a day or two. And by the time it's all said and done, I'm like, You're right, we suck and you're the best. Thank you so much for your time. Have a wonderful day. Even though that's not what I wanted to say.
R Pool (23:20)
It's like you calm yourself down from what you really wanted to say and less is memory.
Karli (23:25)
Yeah. I think that was a really a really great point and to this. ⁓ it's that art of shutting up.
R Pool (23:33)
Mm-hmm. There's power in that.
Karli (23:36)
Yes.
R Pool (23:39)
I feel like that's a good segue into section four. Okay. I also think there's power in changing, reframing, restructuring a lot of the things that we should probably stop saying when we're over-explaining things. ⁓ I have noticed both on this podcast and in, you know, conversations one-on-ones in real life.
Karli (23:43)
Yeah, I think so too.
R Pool (24:09)
I will say, does that make sense?
Karli (24:11)
Mm.
R Pool (24:14)
In and sometimes it's applicable, right? Sometimes you need the context and you're actually genuinely curious if it made sense. but I think I use it too much.
Karli (24:25)
Okay, I'm gonna tell you my favorite thing to say is and I learned this in a leadership course that I took, is that don't say don't say does that make sense because it's putting it on the other person like they're stupid. You say, Did I explain that okay? So it puts it up back on you.
R Pool (24:30)
Mm.
Ooh, ⁓ I'm gonna write that down.
Karli (24:40)
So anytime I wanna say, Does that make sense, I say, Did I explain that okay?
R Pool (24:44)
I just learned something from the Inspired Collective podcast. Did I explain that? Okay. I love that and I'm going to absolutely steal that. Because yeah, that's right. It doesn't, it puts the ball back in your court. Ugh, I love that.
Karli (24:48)
Ha ha
Mm-hmm.
⁓
Another one that I feel like people should stop saying is this might be a dumb question. Speaking of making people feel dumb.
R Pool (25:11)
⁓ it it's almost like you roast yourself or degrade yourself before anyone else has the opportunity, where you feel more comfortable with being vulnerable and asking the question, but in reality it just makes you look small.
Karli (25:29)
It does. You're like roasting yourself. And you're not showing up with confidence.
R Pool (25:33)
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's big.
Karli (25:38)
And I think I think that a really great alternative to saying this might be a dumb question is I wanted to make sure I'm understanding correctly, or I wanna make sure I heard you right, or I wanted to follow up on this. Because it's then it's like I'm not saying I'm a it's a dumb question. I'm saying I just want to make sure we're both on or I want to make sure we're both on the same page.
R Pool (26:01)
I like that one too. I like that one too. And I I I think that can be equally as important via email or vocal correspondence. something to that point that I've also tried to do is when talking about having blindness to game instructions, I
Karli (26:12)
Mm-hmm.
R Pool (26:29)
You know, once we're we're talking about a to-do list or a project or anything like that, I'll go back and recap and say, okay, my understanding of each of our roles are and my understanding of the scenario is to almost again make sure that you are clear on the expectations from both sides. ⁓ and so I think that kind of plays into like this might be a dumb question and and avoiding using that vernacular.
Karli (26:37)
Mm-hmm.
I think I so I I think, you know, moral here is that again, the more words you add, the less confident you sound, right? And sometimes it's as simple as not adding qualifiers to it. If you send someone a long text, just send the long text. Don't say I'm sorry for the long text, just send the long text. Or reread it and say, Is there something I can do to shorten this? But if it's to your girlfriend or something, whatever. ⁓
One kind of last one I wanted to mention is don't ever say, and this comes in the context of mostly relationships, whatever you want is fine. Mic drop, whatever they want is not actually fine. Whatever you wanted is what you want. And so say what you want. That's typically a w a passive aggressive thing to say. Which I know I do it with my husband all the time. Whatever you want for dinner, I don't care. And then I'm like, no, I don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want that.
R Pool (27:30)
Oof
I agree.
Well, to that point I was gonna say to piggyback off of like the the additional perspective, if whatever they want is fine, say that, but be also fine with whatever they want. If you have qualms and thoughts and opinions and feelings about what you want, say it.
Karli (28:04)
Is there something that y is there like a phrase or something that you say all the time where you I you you think to yourself, I really need to stop saying that it's making like now that we've had this conversation, is there something you can think of that you say that like I'm gonna stop saying that now?
R Pool (28:16)
There's something that I say, and I couldn't even tell you if I said it on this podcast, on this episode or not, but as I go through editing the episodes, I say it so much. And I think it's, you know what I mean? I feel like the need after I say something super profound, or after I'm over explaining myself or giving a story, I will finish the thought with, you know what I mean?
Karli (28:30)
Mm.
R Pool (28:44)
to I don't know if that's subconsciously me like passing the mic back over to you or needing to bridge the gap of relation, but I didn't I don't notice it in the moment. I notice it when I'm editing it.
Karli (28:57)
Okay, mine is I think that. I say that a lot. I say it a lot on this podcast. And every time I say i I I think that if you were to go and do a shot contest of the amount of times I say I think that on this podcast, like they did on ⁓ How to Met Your Mother, where Robin was on there and she was saying like like and I say like a lot too. As I say filler words a lot, which I feel like deter deteriorates what you're saying or deters from what you're saying.
R Pool (29:02)
Mm.
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
Karli (29:27)
So I think that and like are things that I'm really trying to every time I catch myself saying, Ooh, don't say that. Stop saying that.
R Pool (29:34)
Do you think though, sometimes that's applicable? You know what I mean?
Karli (29:43)
It is, but I also think it's kind of one of those things, which in that context it's fine, but it's generally when you finish a sentence and I'm trying to transition to something else. Instead of just transitioning, it's like I use it as a pre qualifier for what I'm about to say. Or it's like I also think that instead of just saying what I and sometimes it does make sense, but I think I use it I lean on it too much as a crutch to continue the conversation. Where I'm trying to figure out how to do that in a way that
R Pool (29:46)
It's
Mm.
Mm.
Mm, yeah.
Karli (30:11)
is more impactful without adding those three filler words and the word like, which I I I think is a generational thing for us. A lot of ⁓ millennials use the word like. When my husband talks about his job or he's on a work call, I'll hear him and it's like like like like I told him one day I said, you do you know how many times you say like on a work call? And you're one of the younger, like like professionals. So I've definitely gotten better at it.
R Pool (30:18)
Mm-hmm.
I agree.
Karli (30:41)
But I'm trying really hard to just eliminate it from my vo vocabulary.
R Pool (30:45)
Yeah. I well, and it's such you kind of bring up such an interesting tool, just like how we would reread and edit an an email and take it back three sentences or or pare it down. This has inadvertently become a tool for us to kind of have that vocal mirror, so to say. But I encourage if if listeners feel like they have vocal stems or or quirks that they are constantly saying, record yourself on the phone. Or
Karli (31:12)
Mm-hmm.
R Pool (31:13)
record yourself or or talk to your, you know, Siri. ⁓ because I think that helps to structure that a little bit.
Karli (31:23)
Well it helps you become aware of it and then when you're aware of it, you can't help but hear it. So y you make you have this self conscious, the subconscious, not self sub subconscious, you know, every time you say it, you think, I said it again. ⁓ I said it again. I will tell you that in this conversation that you and I just had, I almost said the word like at least five times and I stopped myself from saying it. And just in this last little context. Yeah.
R Pool (31:27)
Yes. Yes. And then you you
See, that's the that's the start. That's the start. Good for you. Editing this one's gonna be so so streamlined. Yes, but but to your point, once you start to notice it, you can, you know, consciously make an effort to roll it back.
Karli (31:52)
Recognition is the key to
The swan
Okay, I I like the next two 'cause I feel like it's relational. So let's talk through these and then we can
R Pool (32:16)
Which the scenarios?
Karli (32:18)
Yeah. So let's talk about what it means to say less in real life. We have some scenario-based situations to go through with you guys. So when someone asks you to do something you don't want to do, which we've talked a lot about on this podcast, the old way of saying it is, I wish I could, but this week has been so insane, and I've got this thing on Thursday, and then da-da-da. Instead of saying that, keep it
R Pool (32:23)
Mm.
Ooh, dun dun dun.
Karli (32:46)
shorter, say something along the lines of I can't this time, but thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for the invitation.
R Pool (32:50)
Mmm. Even hearing you say that, I want to be like, well, but I just want to tell them a little bit more. And on the flip side of that, I think as we are, there's the I think as we are consciously
kind of redirecting our own conversations in real life to to you know out with the old and in with the new as we are being conscious of not saying too much I think we need to also be good stewards of accepting people where they are too oftentimes when someone needs to feel like they need to give more, it's because we're like, no, come on, you gotta come out. Still c why? it'll be a Debbie Downer. Which
Karli (33:27)
That's a great point.
R Pool (33:39)
is such a compliment that we want you your presence and we want you to come out. But I think there's also something to be said about being respectful and kind of meeting them where they are so they don't feel like they have to overexplain
Karli (33:53)
Love that. I almost said I think that. I love that you said that. That is a really great point. To piggyback off of that, these conversations don't have to look the same for every single person. If I were to text my best friend, I can't this time, but thank you for thinking at me, she'd call me and be like.
R Pool (33:56)
Yeah.
Two.
Ha ha ha
Karli (34:12)
B I T C H what do you mean you can't this time? What are you doing? I mean, so in this context, it's more of a professional relationship. A, you know, if you have someone at your kids' school, they're asking you to be a room mom and you you can't, but in it's more of a professional or ⁓ what is that word I'm looking for? Not acquaintance situation, not necessarily a friend or a relative. Like, you know, explain away if you want to with them, but we're talking about in that context. ⁓
R Pool (34:16)
Or like you've been abducted.
Yeah.
Karli (34:38)
Okay, someone disagrees with your decision, which I mentioned earlier when I was talking about my girlfriend who liked to be a little chihuahua and just keep yapping even after you have said you don't agree. Instead of exp spending 10 minutes explaining every factor that went into whatever decision you're gonna make or whatever that looks like, just say, I understand, I'm still comfortable with my decision. I'm still comfortable with where I stand. My my viewpoint is not changing.
R Pool (34:45)
Yeah.
⁓ That makes my heart skip a beat. ⁓ that confidence that comes with I understand, I'm still comfortable with my decision. That makes me think of again, situational, you're not gonna necessarily say this to your best friend or your sibling or your family based on your relationship. But to me, I think that shows up in you making the right decision for yourself in a workplace setting.
Whether that being rolling back your time or leaving for another opportunity or what have you, they're, depending on the situation, always going to try to keep you or put more on your plate without meeting the financial aspect of that. And so I I think it is it makes me think of that being applicable in that when you're vouching for yourself.
Karli (35:49)
So I have to disagree with this one that it doesn't, that it mostly works for workplace. I think this is a really great example of something that can translate to multiple different facets of your life in arguments with friends. Because again, when we go back to saying less is more, sometimes in some situations, it's not even about speaking with that power and intention. It's about preserving a relationship. Right. So with my friend, we were never going to agree on our standpoints. And we never will agree. So
R Pool (36:12)
Valid.
Karli (36:18)
I have the emotional capacity to say, you know what, I'm gonna end this conversation. And there's no continu there's no way to continue to do it. So I think that if you're looking at it from a workplace setting, yes, if you're looking at it from a friendship position, there's different reasonings behind it, but the the verbiage can be the same with that one or similar. ⁓ do you have a couple? I feel like you had a couple too.
R Pool (36:34)
That's valid.
⁓ one that I think of from a p scenario perspective is one that I have actually been good about implementing. And it's when you're put on the spot and not in a gotcha kind of way, but really just in a question that you weren't anticipating or a scenario that you weren't ready for. ⁓ when you're put on the spot, the old answer would be to immediately produce an answer because you need to validate yourself or the silence feels terrifying or what have you.
Karli (36:41)
More time.
R Pool (37:08)
But the new response is to say, let me think about that. Let me, let me my big word is let me noodle on that and we'll come back to it. Mm-hmm.
Karli (37:16)
That's a great one. Yeah, that's a great one. If you think about the most powerful people that you so the more the most powerful person that you know, or you see someone online you see a CEO or you see these people, you know, in Fortune five hundred companies, they're not using a bunch of filler words. They are saying what they mean and meaning what they say. And there's n period.
R Pool (37:35)
Yeah.
Karli (37:43)
Another one that we jotted down was if someone misunderstands you, clarify once, but then ask yourself, do they genuinely misunderstand me or do they simply disagree with me? And those will re kind of require two different responses.
R Pool (37:58)
I agree. And I also think that this is applicable for when someone's showing repeat asking the same question over and over again or showing repeat behavior or something like that. You know, the first time you can clarify, you can re-answer, you can point them in the right direction. But if it becomes repeat behavior, are they genuinely trying to understand? Are they genuinely trying to, you know, figure it out? Or are they just falling back on?
Karli (38:10)
Mm-hmm.
R Pool (38:27)
the fact that you'll help them answer for them. So ⁓ I think that that clarify once is a good rule of thumb.
Karli (38:37)
I think we can jump into segment six. The other two are kind of like obviously where I kinda touched on. Do you wanna lead into it or read me too? I kinda talk more in that one. Do you wanna lead in this one? I think it's more of just like a reading thing, not necessarily a whole conversation, so.
R Pool (38:46)
⁓ yes.
Yep. And I think to to kind of start the wrap up of this conversation, it when we first s thought of this topic to touch on, for me it was in my mindset, it was talking on a public stage, right? Because that is something in my head that takes power and intention. But I think as we kind of got down into the nitty gritty of the meat of this conversation,
it take away that stage aspect and it's something that we're all experiencing all day, every day, in personal and professional lives. And at the crux of what we're essentially talking about, we we're not trying to say that saying less means that you have to become cold or mysterious or, you know, ⁓ what is it, the dreaded like one word K when someone, you know, says something. Yeah. Okay, period. ⁓
Karli (39:45)
Okay, period.
R Pool (39:48)
I'm like, okay, why do you hate me? and it's it's also definitely not about withholding communication from team members and and people that you love. It's just more about shifting the mindset to being more intentional to help your point get across more completely.
Do you wanna keep going?
Karli (40:16)
I can like I can take it if you want.
R Pool (40:17)
Yeah.
Karli (40:21)
Totally agree, totally agree with that. It's about being really intentional with your words. It's about saying less when you feel like you're repeating yourself. When you're trying to get someone to approve of a decision you've already made. When you're feel filling the silence because it's uncomfortable and not because it's something that actually needs to be said. ⁓ when you're giving unnecessary evidence for a boundary that you've set, and when you're talking because you're nervous.
Rather than because there's actually more to say or more to the conversation.
R Pool (40:53)
conversation. The flip side of that.
Karli (40:56)
To the flip side of that, you should say more when someone you love genuinely needs context behind what you're saying, or you've hurt someone and you need to take accountability for your actions. Something complicated deserves more nuances than just a one-word or a one-sentence response. So the goal isn't always fewer words, the goal is fewer words that you don't actually mean to say.
R Pool (41:29)
⁓ is but there's supposed to be more for the closing reflection.
Karli (41:32)
I don't know.
R Pool (41:36)
Yeah.
Karli (41:39)
Yep. it's kinda long. Okay, let's not do all this 'cause we gotta grab it up, but ⁓ no, it's not. No, it's not. It's okay, that's it. That's closing reflection, that's it. Okay.
R Pool (41:42)
Yeah. I can wrap it up and just be like, Yeah, that's great.
I'm glad this isn't this week's this is gonna take some editing love.
Karli (42:03)
It's also little weekly challenge in here.
R Pool (42:19)
I love that. I think that is so incredibly poignant. Because at the end of the day, maybe speaking confidently isn't about finding the perfect words. Maybe it's trusting the words that you've already said. You don't have to over-explain every decision until everyone agrees with it. You don't have to fill every silence. You don't have to answer immediately. And you don't have to provide, you know, numbers one through five of your reasoning every time you say no.
Sometimes you can just say the thing and then do the hardest thing, which is to stop talking.
Karli (42:56)
Amen.
R Pool (42:58)
As we wrap up this episode, we also want to give you guys a weekly challenge and kind of a reflection of sorts. Catch yourself once this week, as we clearly have many times in this episode, and probably will continue to moving forward as we record. But catch yourself once this week when you're about to keep explaining after you've made your point. Whether it's taking the time to record yourself on the phone or reading over an email before you send it out, delete the extra text.
Don't add the fourth reason. Train start to train your brain from saying those those over explain over explanatory words. Say that three times fast. And just let your original words stand.
Karli (43:43)
You don't need to rescue the silence. You don't need to send the follow-up explanation. Just see what happens. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to another episode of the Inspire Collective Podcast. We cannot wait to see you again for another episode in two weeks. As a reminder, we're now on bi-weekly episodes. please be sure to like, share, and share like and share this episode with someone you know who could use this information. Send it to my friend who I was talking about.
R Pool (44:13)
Yeah. I know you Thanks guys.
Karli (44:15)
We'll see you guys next time. Bye.