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(Episode previously named “Gratitude”)
In this episode, Dani discusses the importance of gratitude & appreciation.
For links & recommendations, view full episode notes.
Dani is honest and refreshing in her takes on the world and society. Listen as she explains how she’s come to understand the world through kindness, both towards ourselves and everything else.
[0:00] Hey everyone. Today I am going to talk about gratitude and appreciation. We’re going to talk a little bit about some podcast episodes that have inspired this podcast episode. And, of course, I’ll be vulnerable with you and share my experiences recently and in the past with appreciation and gratitude.
[0:29] First off -well I guess I should start the episode then, huh? That was a perfect spot and I totally missed it, but this is a good spot too. So, without further ado, welcome to this week’s episode of Understanding Kindness.
[0:46] Theme.
[0:53] Okay, so I’m gonna start with an episode of a podcast that I just started listening to recently called Sisterhood of the Traveling Mgowo, I believe it’s called. They just speak on such great topics and this specific episode that inspired the episode of this podcast was on gratitude and Mixo and Sinesipho were talking about basically appreciating the People in your life, and how we tend to forget to appreciate those People that helped us get to where we are now. Because as Mixo says, “I did not get here by myself. I need to thank everyone in my corner.” No one is where they are now without the help of other People, and there are People in our lives that are there consistently, over and over again. And they’re thankless, and yes, for a lot of People, I’m talking about their moms, but it could be anyone in your life. You know, not everyone has the privilege of having a mom that’s around their whole lives, so anyone that you identify as someone that you value. Sinesipho was saying that we need to actively make these People aware of how much we appreciate them. And Sinesipho was saying, “I need to actively work on building more solid relationships with People that I’ve identified as People I value.” So, again, anyone in your life that you see as someone -you know, they may not even be there for a long time, it’s just someone that you care about, and you need to appreciate.
[2:44] So for me, that’s a lot of People in my life honestly. It’s my mom for sure. She’s always there for me and I tell her all the time, constantly how much I appreciate her and how thankful I am for having her. I continue to learn about her and our relationship grows. So that’s one that is solid for me, and I tr- I try to let her know as much as possible. The next one would be my partner, Jorge. He has done so much for me, helped me with so much, through so much and I continue to be just shocked with how much he tries and how much we get through. So I appreciate him all the time, I probably need to tell him a little more, but I do appreciate him nonetheless, and I will strive to let him know more often. I just recently moved in with Jorge actually in the basement apartment of his family house. So, the rest of his family is right upstairs and they could not be kinder People. They let me come into this house and live here and just slide in without any warning because it was a quick- a quick shift in my life. I couldn’t be more thankful and appreciative of them. And, again, probably need to tell them more, but I try to as much as possible.
[4:20] So those are just a few People right now that I am just feeling so appreciative towards. It’s true that if they’re not- if you don’t sh- tell People or show People how much you appreciate them, how much are they going to understand it, you know? And I think if you don’t say it directly you’re gonna have to figure out a way that really does show your appreciation, and not just for you, but that the person accepting this appreciation is always getting -receiving it in the way that they’re able to. So, if you’re not gonna say it, just really make sure that it’s something not for you but for them because that’s ultimately who it’s for, right? The person that we’re appreciating.
[5:07] This, I thought, was interesting towards the end of the episode- well this is my last episode note anyway for this. So it could’ve been towards the end or in the middle, but, Sinesipho also said that, “We need to not let our frustrations manifest in unkindness to ourselves.” If I’m remembering the episode correctly, they also talked about showing gratitude for your body, for who you are. And, you know, you have been with yourself this whole time. You’ve been learning these lessons. The hard ones. The fun ones, you know. We have to be grateful for ourselves that- and our minds and our bodies as they are and as they were because it- they got us through it. It- it- it could’ve just done it in the easiest way possible for it at the time. So there may be harmful things that we do to cope with things in our lives, but your brain reacted and you’re still here now. We need to be thankful for that and grateful for it because if we’re not we’re just gonna get down on ourselves. You’ve been through a lot; you’re still here.
[6:24] Now, again, like I said, that’s the end of the notes I have and it’s a little difficult for me to recall what this -exactly what was in this episode considering I’ve listened to more recently since then. But we can shift into an episode of The Happiness Lab, which I’ve mentioned before. This episode I listened to right before I started taking notes on the media I’m consuming to talk about, so I’m going to try to recall it as best I can. But something that really stuck out to me in this episode, it was season 2 episode 2 -let me find what it was called. The episode was titled “PJ and Alex Love to Gripe”. PJ and Alex, I believe, are the hosts of the show Rep- Reply All. They love to gripe. I guess that’s a segment or something that they do on their show. Basically, Dr. Laurie Santos was saying how really unhealthy it is to gripe all the time and to complain all the time because when our mind is constantly in that negative mindset, it’s prone to view things more negatively as well. At the end of the episode, Dr. Santos asked Alex and PJ to write letters to each other really appreciating each other and just kind of explaining what the other has done for them throughout this time that they’ve worked together. It was- one I think was a little goofy, the other one was a little more touching, but they were both needed by the receiver. And I just thought in this episode, Dr. Santos did a great job of- well I think in every episode, you know, explaining the facts and the research and then showing us a real-life example. But this one specifically I liked a lot because it doesn’t matter if you’re goofy or you’re touching, it still matters to the receiver of this appreciation that you took the time to appreciate them.
[8:40] And if we’re going again off of People just want to be heard and understood and loved, that is how we tell them, or show them depending on how you choose to appreciate others. That is telling them what they mean to us and how they’ve impacted our lives so that, you know, when we receive this information we’re not just like, it’s like, “Okay, I’m here for a reason. I’m doing the things. This Person is seeing me, this Person is hearing me. And it’s not going to waste, all this time and energy that I put into this Person and this relationship.” And, you know, being the receiver of that, it makes me feel really good, but I like even more to show my appreciation and tell others how much I appreciate them. I think I’ve always been that way but it’s, for me, just so satisfying to -and gratifying to see that -the Person’s face that I’m appreciating and that, you know, does so much for me when I tell them how much I appreciate them. So I 10 outta 10 would recommend appreciating People in your lives.
[9:52] Now a little bit away from the episodes, I wanna talk again about meditation. I just finished one of the courses on the Headspace app on appreciation for the second time. And the first time I think that is what got me really to be mindful about appreciating People in my life and those I- I care about and who do so much for me. And it’s been {exhale}, coulda been a whole year, who knows what time is anymore -it’s been a while since I did the pack the first time and I finished it somewhat recently maybe… {sign} again time, a couple weeks ago who knows. Yes, so I finished that again and it got- it just again reinforced this want to appreciate those in my life. So my finish- finishing this course on Headspace coincided with around the time that I listened to this episode of Sisterhood of the Traveling Mgowo, the episode on gratitude; The Happiness Lab episode I listened to a while ago. But when I was coming up with the idea for this specific episode of this podcast that one, of course, came to my mind because, like I said, it stands out. Once this all tied together and clicked in my mind, I just- I- I knew I wanted to talk about it because I think the world would be a much better place if we appreciated each other a little bit more and told each other how much we appreciate each other. I think it’s a great way to communi- to help communicate, you know, improve your communication skills in general, to really be vulnerable, and tell someone how you feel and what you’ve- what they’ve done for you. And that’s a whole ‘nother aspect that I just thought about talking about now. The vulnerability aspect of it. Now that that came to my mind totally could’ve been that Sisterhood of the Traveling Mgowo did mention this in their episode and I just didn’t take notes on it. But this is such a vulnerable thing because you may think that they won’t accept it in a positive way, but who doesn’t like to be appreciated? Who doesn’t like to know that what they’re doing matters? It’s worth it. It’s worth the vulnerability because when People are gone, they’re gone. There’s- You- You can’t ever look them in the eye and tell them what they’ve done for you and how they’ve made you feel. So why not do it now? What’s holding you back? You can do it and everyone is gonna feel better.
[12:50] They probably talked about this in The Happiness Lab episode too. It makes you feel great! Like I was saying before, I love it! I love telling People how much I appreciate them and, you know, now that I’m thinking of it, I- I’ve just thought of my hairdresser Lisa, who I’ve mentioned before, and how truly excited for this podcast she seemed to be, and I wanna tell her how much I appreciate her. And she’s been- she’s been doing my hair for years and years and I just kinda walk in there like, “I don’t know, just cut it?” I never know what I want, she always does a great job, and the color, that I- when I started doing color, it’s gorgeous. Turns out great every time. Still super excited to get this new haircut. I have my appointment set. Can’t wait. So hopefully then I’ll remember to just let her know how much I appreciate her and be vulnerable with her in that way, cause she’s been vulnerable with me in a lot of ways and, you know, I just want to tell her how much I appreciate that.
[14:03] Wow. There’s just a lot there. Not sure where else really to go with this. So, I’ll leave it at this: appreciate those that you care about. Be grateful for everyone that is standing behind you in your corner, that got you here. Be grateful to your mind and your body that is literally the reason that you’re still here. And maybe take a minute or two, meditate, take some breaths, and then go out there, be vulnerable and appreciate People. Let them know that you hear them, you see them, and you love them.
[14:51] If you enjoyed this episode, help support the podcast! All this content is free and I’d love to make it my job one day, so if you’re financially able join our patreon or send a one-time or recurring donation through paypal! You can also share an episode with family or friends, and give UK a kind rating and review!
Check out UnderstandingKindness.com for all episodes, transcripts, and blog posts. And why not take a listen to my other podcast, Better When Awkward, co-hosted by my childhood best friend Jasmine!
Get in touch with me by emailing UnderstandingKindness@protonmail.com, or through social media. You can find all links in the episode notes.
For now, be kind, be compassionate, be understanding, and question everything. I’ll be here. Thank you for listening to this episode of Understanding Kindness. [End transcript]