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The Noon Hour Of Madness & Mayhem can be heard live on KBEAR 101 weekdays at 12pm MST. Viktor and Peaches talk about a wide variety of topics depending on the day and you never know what to expect!
[upbeat music] The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem, the podcast.
It's the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem. What's up, Peaches?
Oh, that's right, Monday.
Yay. I love Monday. It's the best day of the week.
I have no way ... I, I really don't know how to start the show every single time you go, "What's up, Peaches?" But, like, I'm sitting here. Like, what, what do you want me to say?
That's right. I'm in front of a microphone.
Yeah.
That's what's up.
We're in a dark room.
Well, I was looking at this thread here about, uh, lazy jobs that pay a ridiculous amount of money, 'cause that sounds pretty good.
Crane operator.
Crane operator. I don't know if that's on the list, but is that a lazy job?
You sit there and you move stuff like you're a part of a gigantic claw machine.
Yeah.
Maybe. I, I feel like that could be a lazy jo- ... I'm just kidding. I really don't know.
I don't know. Yeah, it, it could be stressful. Uh, the number one answer on here is, uh, U.S. senator or representative.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You make 174,000 a year plus benefits and work about 88 days a year, plus you also get to trade stocks on insider information.
What about, uh, Judge Judy?
Judge Judy. I, I bet that's not necessarily a lazy job.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Uh, I mean, did you-
She make- she's the highest paid TV person. She makes, like, $100 million [laughs] or something like that just to record that show a few days out of the week.
Yeah, but they, they're probably-
Oh, wait
... long days.
It's not even, like, a few days. It's one day.
Is it?
And they record all those cases back to back to back to back to back-
Uh
... and then they just bust out those episodes. Howard Stern.
[laughs]
That guy has the laziest job in radio.
Now, every ... And he ... Yeah, if only all radio jobs paid a ridiculous amount of money.
Well, he also-
You know
... you know, worked his way to the top there.
Yeah. Yeah. But at the radio, if you were only a morning host, I would call that a lazy job. You know, you've got people preparing your guests for you, preparing your content for you. You do four hours and you're done. You know? But we're not making a ridiculous amount of money. [laughs] You know? Well, okay, ridiculous in the bad way. [laughs] Um, how about being a cruise ship lecturer, Peaches?
What is that?
I guess you just sit on a cruise ship and you, uh, talk for three hours on subjects you love. And, uh, plus you get to live on a cruise ship, and you get all, all the-
I don't know
... free food and-
I don't know how I feel about that with all these viruses going on with cruise ships.
That's what I was gonna say. You also get free norovirus.
Yeah.
You know? [laughs] So when you're laying in bed stuck in your cabin in quarantine for a week, that's a lazy job.
Cruises sound less and less appealing to me.
Uh, yeah. Uh, that's very low on my bucket list with all the problems they've been having. Yeah, no. Um, a train engineer. This guy says that he finds it to be quite lazy, and he's making 68 bucks an hour. 68 bucks an hour.
Is he bragging about it?
I think so.
Oh, hit the button.
[laughs] Where is it? [laughs] This is a different, uh, different list of sound effects here. I don't know where it is, but oh, good for you.
[laughs]
Um. [laughs]
I think you switched to the wrong page. I can see the screen from here.
Uh, well-
Forget it. Never mind.
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well.
Yeah.
Oh, well. I'm just trying to find a lazy job where I can make more money. Um, fire safety directors for high-rise buildings, you get paid for your knowledge. Um, you can make up to 150, 200K a year.
I, I, I don't know. Like, what are you supposed to do? Fire safety directors just make sure there's a good path down the stairs and that the sprinklers work? That doesn't sound super lazy to me. Eh.
I mean, if it's a free-for-all when the fire happens, you might as well just tell the people the wrong information so you can just get out there safely. [laughs]
[laughs]
You're already making all that money. Who cares-
[laughs]
... if they, they live or not? No, I'm kidding. Please-
This g-
... don't take that seriously
... this guy says industrial HVAC. That sounds like it'd be terrible, you know?
Well, we have a buddy, uh, James, who's in HVAC.
Yeah, like, you gotta crawl through, like, hot attics, and there's bugs, and you're dealing with all kinds of stuff.
Yeah.
That is not a lazy job, not by any means. It sounds terrible, especially on a, you know, really hot or really cold day. Ugh.
Well,
I don't know, Peaches. Maybe Howard Stern will retire one of these days and we can get some of that money. We need it. We need the dough, bro.
That, that or something happens to him.
[laughs] Oh.
[laughs] I shouldn't say that on, live on the air-
[laughs]
... because who knows? What if he dies tomorrow? [laughs]
Oh, yeah. Peaches poisoned him.
Oh, shit. [laughs]
[upbeat music] It's the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem, and later this week you can go see Peaches.
Where you gonna be, Peaches?
Al's Sporting Goods on 17th Street.
Yeah.
And, um, I think if I remember correctly, there used to be a guy that worked there that was 6 foot 11.
Whoa.
And I think he used to work there.
Ah.
I wish he was still there just because I would love to take a picture with him.
[laughs] Well, maybe you'll get lucky, and that would be a Friday, right?
Friday from 3:00 to 6:00.
3:00 to 6:00, Al's Sporting Goods. I would assume it's a big Memorial Day sale.
They got a whole bunch of stuff on sale.
Yeah, Pe-
Whole bunch of stuff. Kayaks, uh, pickleball stuff, uh, you name it, it's there.
And you're gonna be signing people up for concert tickets as well.
That's right. Exclusive, uh, contest. If you show up, you'll get signed up to enter, uh, signed up for the contest for Papa Roach Set It Off in Autumn Kane's Live at the Port July 23rd.
Heck yeah. So you can get yourself some great, uh, sporting goods gear to kick off your Memorial Day weekend. Get entered to win some Papa Roach pit tickets, and see Peaches, the most exciting part about the event. That's, again, Friday to 3:00 to 6:00, Al's Sporting Goods in Idaho Falls. And I wish you luck, Peaches, on finding the, the big, tall guy. You know? Otherwise, you're just gonna be the tallest person there. It's usually-
I mean, there's only been one remote where the guy, there's been one guy taller than me or around the same height.
Well, if you're tall, you need to go take a pic with Peaches.
Yeah.
It's, it's selfie time. Tall people, come out and see Peaches, 3:00 to 6:00. [laughs] Short people too. [upbeat music]All right, Peaches, it looks like you get the same weird Snapchats that I get from, uh, my lady
Well, I find it funny that she just shares all of this stuff on Snapchat, and you're okay with it
Yeah, like me just snoring.
Yeah. I- I was wondering
She's like, "Here's why I can't sleep."
Why don't you wear your CPAP at all?
I do. I do.
That's you with the CPAP on?
No. That, I must have, like, dozed off watching a movie or something.
I cannot ... So I'm so anxious as a person, where, like, if I even attempt to close my eyes, I will jolt myself awake because I'm like, "I don't have my CPAP on."
Nah. See, I, I get lazy, and then I'll fall asleep, and then I wake up a little while later, and then put it on. But, uh, at the times that I don't put it on, yeah, I snore badly. And then she shares it with everybody on social and laughs.
It does sound really bad.
Uh-
I- I don't know how it's that bad
... uh, I got problems, Peaches.
Well, I'm-
I- I got-
... I'm glad you got it solved. Well, so- somewhat
[laughs] I got major sleep apnea problems. [laughs]
Yeah. You n- you need to wear the CPAP. I don't want you to ruin yourself or hurt your heart, especially-
Mm
... in your 40s.
I- I know.
And you're drinking all this caffeine all the time.
I know. I'll, I, I swear I'll try to do better. But then she sends out stuff that she, like, just makes up to make me look crazy.
[laughs]
Like the one she sent this morning-
[laughs]
... which I received as well, which was a picture of a little plastic container with a label on it-
[laughs]
... that said, "Becca's toenails," and it's filled with, you know, chunks of, uh, you know, toenail or fingernail.
[laughs]
And she is like, "Why did Victor do this?" [laughs]
[laughs]
And I'm like, "I did not do that."
Her, her foot is in the shot, too, and you see the clippers on the side.
[laughs] Yeah. Oh, really?
So she totally did it.
[laughs]
But I was still like, "Did Victor actually do this?" Like-
No
... what, what did she s- why did she send this out to everybody?
I don't ... She, she likes to embarrass me, apparently. She thinks it's funny. [laughs]
Uh, it's just, it's-
That one made me laugh, 'cause I'm like, "That is so absurd."
Yeah.
I'm like, "I am not a toenail collector." [laughs]
[laughs] I don't know. You seem like the type, Victor.
I collect books.
Do you have the st-
And-
... the strands of hair, the toenails, the fingernails, the saliva?
Yeah, I got lots of little jars.
Trying to clone people?
[laughs] Lots of little jars hiding in a special cupboard full of, yes, things like that. [laughs] Oh, she's so weird. [laughs] So if you see something online, don't just believe it, okay? I'm not a toenail collector. It's gross. [upbeat music] It's the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem. I'm Victor.
I'm Peaches, and you know how, Victor, we're both inside dwellers. We don't really get that much sun. And so any time I go back home, go to California, um, and I go to the beach, and I have to take my shirt off, it looks like I'm wearing a white T-shirt.
Yeah. Yeah.
And so I had the crazy idea a, a few weeks back to start using a tanning mousse.
Tanning mousse?
Yeah, like the mousse that ... It's like a sunless tanner.
Okay. So you just smear it on your skin-
Yes
... and it makes it look like your skin ... Or does it actually-
No, it darkens you. Like, it's got, it's darkened me quite a bit.
Huh.
But I have the lightest shade possible.
Yeah.
And
I feel, uh, I feel like I should take it up a notch and go for deep bronze, 'cause it was just kinda like ... It still looks a little pale.
Uh-huh.
But there's deep bronze, and there's very intense bronze.
[laughs] You should go for very intense bronze.
[laughs] Just come in like I'm wearing, like-
Yeah
... [laughs] like I'm almost, like, getting canceled-
Yeah
... like, kind of thing.
Make sure to do it on your face and everything, too.
Oh. Yeah. No.
[laughs]
But-
Yeah, I've never tried anything like that
... the, it's such a weird process, because it says, "Use sparingly on your, uh, hands, your elbows, and your knees."
Okay.
But then it also ... Like, you have to, like, exfoliate the skin.
Uh-huh.
So you have to get this, like, sugar scrub-
Mm-hmm
... an exfoliation glove, and you have to, like, just rub all over you.
Yeah.
And then I think you put lotion on after that. And then you put on the tanner.
This is quite the process.
Well, I used to have, like, help with it. So now I don't.
Ah.
So now I need to get this weird contraption-
[laughs]
... that's almost like ... You ever see those, the, the, you, there's two handles on either side. And there's, like, a, it's, it's a long sheet kind of-
Like-
... with two handles on either ... And you have to, like, scrub your back. [laughs]
[laughs] Yeah.
So-
'Cause you don't wanna be, like, all tan except, uh, [laughs] just a bare white back.
And I'm not gonna go to my friends and be like, "Hey, you wanna, you wanna put tanner on me?"
Hey, Jade, Peaches needs a rub-down.
[laughs]
Come bronze him up.
It's our next contest.
[laughs]
You, you want our last Papa Roach pair of pit tickets?
[laughs] Then you need to make Peaches tan.
Ru- rub Peaches down in the stu- Okay, that's a little ...
[laughs]
[laughs] Peaches pit party. [laughs] All right.
[laughs] Get listener signups.
Yeah.
One lucky winner.
Watch all the dudes show Crazy Jay-
[laughs]
... hear his laugh coming down the hallway.
Dude, that would be the funniest video ever. Crazy Jay rubbing you down with bronzer-
[laughs]
... and making you tan.
Even Crazy Carl comes in.
[laughs]
Lieutenant Crane. We got, uh, we got, uh, Clint, your favorite.
[laughs]
[imitates guitar]
That's right. [laughs] We'll bring in Clint to rub you down with bronzer.
We're turning this into the Howard Stern Show.
That ... We might as well. We might as well at this point.
[laughs] Close the windows, 'cause-
[laughs] No, we're-
... I don't want Andrea to walk by
... we're opening them, them all up.
I don't want Katie to be flabbergasted. [laughs]
Let's go do it out in the front parking lot.
Yeah.
R- right there on the sunny side.
Yeah, sure.
[laughs]
And we'll put the, the Kbear logo [laughs] on the, on the chest there.
Yeah. We'll bring out the little speaker, play some tunes. [laughs] Just entertain people as they drive by.
And Nate drives by and makes a whole story.
[laughs] Yes. [upbeat music]
The Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem is a production of Riverbend Media Group. For more information or to contact the show, visit riverbendmediagroup.com.
[upbeat music]