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What does it mean to truly get ready for Matan Torah? In this series, Rav Shlomo Katz guides us through the emotional, spiritual, and practical steps of preparing for Shavuot. Drawing from Chassidic masters including Rav Kook, Rebbe Nachman, the Piasetzna Rebbe, as well a deep dive into Megilat Rut, each episode helps you build toward a deeper, more personal Kabbalat HaTorah—one that’s alive, real, and yours.
Let's begin, good morning, boker tov. Chodesh Sivan, sponsored by the Silver family in memory of בתיה פייגא בת ישראל, Basya Bas Israel and anonymously in memory of all the holy chayalim that gave their lives and the ones who are working tirelessly to protect us in Eretz HaKodesh. All right. We have today part two of what we began on Monday morning, this piece from the Tolner Rebbe that was very much a very eye-opening, touched a lot of hearts, touched my heart very much.
Addressing the question of the, it seems, what seems to be the inherent inner contradiction that we that we live with quite often about ourselves. Do we really want what we say we want? How could we want something and at the same time not want it? And the greatest examples he was giving over here was basically what Am Yisrael was like at Har Sinai, remember? We're learning, on the one hand we said na'aseh v'nishmah, and on the other hand inside was it Dovid HaMelech says we were stam, we were seducing God with words. Heavy words, that was a heavy thing, that k'ilu at the same moment that we were saying na'aseh v'nishmah, we were still oved kochavim. Or we were still, so to speak, worshipping idols at the same time.
And this was what this was what Rav Abba said, רב אבא בר אחא said in the Yerushalmi, that it's just impossible to chapp the ofi, the character of this nation of Am Yisrael, that we could be two things at the same time and really, really be there. Not like, sometimes I feel this and sometimes I feel this, but at the same time, at the same time, simultaneously, it seems to be contradicting opponents in terms of our emotional and our wills. It's very, very strange. It was definitely an eye-opener as to Am Yisrael's situation at Har Sinai.
And the Rebbe, the Tolner Rebbe, left us last week with saying that we got s'char, we got reward, we got the Torah for saying na'aseh v'nishmah because there is a part of us that really means it. And for that part that really means it, Hashem doesn't mikapaiyach s'char. What was the word we used for mikapaiyach? Withhold? Yeah, withhold reward that's deserving for things that are deserving for. It's true.
Now we're going to try to understand how did we reach this place of such an inner contradiction? Like how did that happen, just like, where did, what were the origins, where did this come from? So this is really something. The Rebbe's going to take us on a, we're going to do the, the ma'amar's pretty long, but the Rebbe's going to do something for us today that really stretches our minds and hearts even more. So if you see on the bottom of samech beis, on the left bottom column, boy, I just want to say one more thing, almost every single person last year was, that I spoke to, was saying I'm so happy that I'm not the only meshugana. I'm so thankful that I'm not the only meshugana in the room because everyone seemed to shtim with yes.
Stira pnimis, inner contradiction in our hearts quite often in life about will the real me please stand up? We want this and yet we're still holding on to something else. So what does it say about what I really want? When I say I love something, how much do I really love it? So the Rebbe here is going to help us make some clarity that I think is desperately needed. And I think these are things that are shove b'chol nefesh. These are things that that everyone's dealing with.
But as a prep for Shavuos to stand before Hashem and say na'aseh v'nishmah again, this Shavuos, this piece to me seems to be essential, what we did on Monday and what we're doing today. So the bottom of samech beis, left column on the bottom, it says like this: והנה מה שהביא את בני ישראל לסתירה הנוראה הזאת. That which brought Am Yisrael to this tremendously big contradiction, הייתה דווקא ההתלהבות הגדולה והראשונית של נתינת שתי הלוחות הראשונות. What brought us to this contradiction was davka the incredible excitement, hislahvus, was the excitement of the giving of the first two luchos.
What does he mean by this? That davka, this is amazing, davka the enthusiasm and the excitement when we were offered the Torah, or Hashem said I'm going to give you the Torah, and then we got very, very excited. He says it's davka that excitement that bah! Wow! Is what brought us to get stuck into this problem that we have over here today, that that overexcitement, well not overex, but excitement in general that it activates this stimuli of that doesn't lead you, that leads you to be in a stira, that's what he's saying, in a contradiction. He's going to explain. Neva'er d'vareinu, let's explain our words.
דהנה יש לך אדם שחושק ו...
דהנה יש לך אדם שחושק ורוצה באמת בדבר מסוים. Let's say you have a person that has a cheshek, he wants something, he wants a specific thing very, very much, you desire something in a very direct way, you really want something. Omnam, however, אינו חושק ורוצה בו כל כך עד שיהיה מוכן למסור נפשו על הדבר.
How bad do you want it? Would you give your life for it? No, I wouldn't give my life for it, but I definitely want it. I definitely desire it. We have things like that in our life that we're gung-ho, we want it so badly. And then if push comes to shove and basically the question is well, how bad do you really want this? I wouldn't give my life for it, but I want it.
I wouldn't give my life for it, but I want it.
ואם אז יאמר שהוא רוצה את הדבר בכל לבו ובכל נפשו והוא מוכן אף למסור נפשו על הדבר יהיה שקרן בהפלגה זו. He's saying, but if you actually say that you would give your life for this thing that you want right now in the moment, in the heat of the passion, right? The passion of the moment, the Rebbe says you'd actually be a liar. You'd be a liar if you'd say I'd give my life for this.
Oh my God, I would do anything for it, right? He says, really? You'd do anything for it? Anything? You know, I would say like this, anyone that's ever tasted hisbodedus for real, for real, for real. If right afterwards you were told you're never going to have another opportunity to do hisbodedus again unless you're willing to give your life for it, they would probably say yes, and they'd mean it. Because when you're doing hisbodedus, there's a key thing that happens. It is not that real hisbodedus is not activated by an external factor.
It is only an internal factor that lights up a real hisbodedus and brings out the tears and brings out the emes and brings out the emotions. So if you would say I'd give my life to be able to do hisbodedus again, there you'd probably be emes. But if you'd give your life for something that was activated externally, meaning an outside light show or a passionate thing that came from the outside and you'd say I'd give my life for this again, that's the Rebbe saying over here you'd be a shakran, because you really wouldn't. You wouldn't moseir your nefesh for it.
What do we moiser our nefesh for? And I'm basically giving you the rest of the shiur kind of ba'al peh. You'd give your nefesh for something that bubbled up from inside, that wasn't due to an external touching of the button. Is this ruchni versus gashmi? Sorry? No, no, not ruchni versus gashmi because ruchni, no, because ruchni, it could be a you could have a lot of ruchni experiences that are activated from an external factor. Many.
I go to a concert, someone else is playing, someone else is doing something, turning me on, gevaldig. What about when I if I bring down a niggun from the depths of my heart? Comes you know, those if any of you ever had that experience of drawing out a niggun from inside of you or drawing out a chidush Torah inside of you or I'd say even like this, drawing up a business plan that you know is filled with ruchmiyus and you had the lightbulb moment and it came from inside, no one saw it, no one knows about it, but it came from you. Those are the things that we'd say we'd give our lives for those types of moments. However, things that when you get impressed by something from the outside and you say I'd give my life to have that experience or whatever they're offering me, the Ribbono Shel Olam is saying I don't know about that.
Now, obviously, where are we what what are we prepping for? When did we say na'aseh v'nishmah? When did we say it? Kabbalas HaTorah. Right. By matan Torah, right? But what was matan Torah, the luchos rishonos? Thunder and lightning. Yeah, meaning there was a light show.
So it activated some kind of na'aseh v'nishmah, I'm going to do it, but it wasn't come that's because something we were we were being exposed to something from the outside, as high and holy as it was and it was big and it made a big impression in the world, right? But did it really come is that mine? So it's I know like we're downplaying here na'aseh v'nishmah, but we're doing it for a very specific purpose. Yes, Eli. I think that's the ikker of the Midrash כפה עליהם הר כגיגית. It came like it was just overwhelming, but it didn't come from us.
But so but כפה עליהם הר כגיגית is even worse meaning according to this. No what I'm saying is it's on the out it's from the outside. It's not something from the inside. Ah so you're bringing up it's a good it's a good thing but I'm going to take it a step further and make it even more difficult for us to understand.
When did we say there was a reenactment of Matan Torah and this time it wasn't with kfia, with coercion? Purim. Really? Right. Purim we were just we were in Shushan and suddenly Yidden just felt the need to have dveikus? Okay. This sudden awakening just I don't know Mordechai's just walking down the street everything's just nice and fine.
There was nothing externally that activated the need for Am Yisrael to bring down a re-kabbalas HaTorah? It's also from also from the outside. It seems it's also from the outside. I'm sorry. No I'm saying the same thing from the outside that can stay from the outside and the same thing from the outside that can go inside and cause something to happen inside that's truly sincere from the inside.
It could but that's what happened the second Luchos. At Purim? Even by the second Luchos. We're even going before that even by the second Luchos because it's an interesting thing. Where was Hashem כפה עליהם הר כגיגית? When did Hashem force the mountain over us? First Luchos or second Luchos? The first.
First. So you're already it seems first. So it seems second Luchos are already a little bit less kfia hopefully and more solecha, it's going to be your thing. You think of Purim, how many Jews followed through and went back to Eretz Hakodesh? Yeah but the kiymu vekiblu of Purim is not about the al nefesh binnefesh outcome of Purim.
It's more about what happened at the time of the story. But then in the moment okay in the moment you're willing to give your life but then you don't actually follow through when you have the opportunity so יש משהו נכון יש משהו בזה. Okay. Let's go back inside.
You see where it says on the top right corner top right column יהא שקרן בהפלגה זו אם כי עדיין יש אמת בדבריו. Even though you say you'd give your life or something on the external like we just described there's emes in your words you really do like he says כי באמת חפץ וחושק בדבר מאוד. You do really want what you say you want but אמנם לא עד כדי מסירות נפש. But not mamash to give your life for it.
כי אם ירצו להורגו על כך בוודאי ימנע. Because if someone came to you with a knife and said you I'm going to kill you right if you're still going to go for this thing that you say you want so badly you're saying ah you know what and start doing cheshbonos. Is this really the gimmel the three cardinal sins you know the shalosh aveiros that you give your life for? He starts having all these cheshbonos. But even like you know Rav Weinberger talks a lot about this our lashon is very we say things that are very mugzam all the time.
For instance I mean this is very sensitive by Holocaust survivors. Do you ever say in front of a Holocaust survivor "I'm starving"? Right. So he talks about it he's mentioned it many times. You don't say that word starving.
I'm yeah you're starving? Once told Rabbi I needed to speak to him. Need? You need to speak to him? I want to. Right. You need to eat.
Right. You need to breathe. Right. I'm going to use that on you a lot now.
You just got yourself in trouble. I need right right. It's still with me. Ay we have it by I want everyone to hear what you say.
No I don't know if Ashkenazim or Rav Weinberger but at least one of the Sephardic siddurim have it says by Krias Shema when we say שמע ישראל השם אלקינו השם אחד yikavein libo that he's willing to be moser nefesh al kiddush Hashem. Nachon. And every time I remember to do that which is probably once every ten times I say Shema I think to myself like am I really? Like I'm trying to have kavanah that I'm willing to do something but like if the Inquisition came right in here right now and they started spinning me around on a shawarma thing would I would I say keep going or would I say whatever I'll do what you want? Right. So the Chernobyl Rebbe says that's why Shema is is a statement that's in a book of bakashos meaning when you say שמע ישראל השם אלקינו השם אחד the inyan is Hashem give me the koach to be able to have the kavanah to meached shimcha through giving up my life and not just blanket statements.
Because מי יכול להגיד את זה כל יום? Right. Every time he says Shema we're always mispalel for that to be amitti. It's a bakashah to be able to be on that level. Okay וכך הוא הדבר בענייננו.
Regarding our story he says like this the Tolna Rebbe. Now this is now let's going we're getting down to the to the bassar of this whole thing. Bnei Yisrael everyone see inside on the second column on the right side?
וכך הוא הדבר בענייננו בני ישראל באמת חפצו בתורת השם ורצו לקיים וללכת בדרכיה. We actually did want we really wanted the Toras Hashem and we want...
Only thing is is that when it came down to the inyan of mesirus nefesh ad hasof, we still weren't sure if we were actually willing to take a bullet, you know. Are you able thinking about this, like I've only said this about one person outside of my immediate family where I said I would take a bullet for this person, and I it's a it's a people say that a lot, you know, it's one of these like big statements again, but were you able did is there anyone in your life outside of your immediate family hopefully, because that's already hopefully a given. Hopefully. I once had a I once had a soundman a soundman that he was so he was like he wanted to get married, he finally got married, and then he so didn't want to be married, right? And every and like before he went he's like he always used to say, I'm gonna take a I want to find someone that I take a bullet for, right? And then I asked him afterwards, I said, nu so how's it going? He's like, I really really want to take a bullet, you know.
I don't know for her, I don't know for me. And this you know our lashon is a very I haven't seen this guy I don't even I hope I hope he's I don't I have no idea. But we took, when we when we said na'aseh v'nishmah, we meant it, the Rebbe says. Only question is, were we were we able to really say be'emes b'leiv shalem, I would take a bullet? And the truth is, you know, today also, same thing.
Of course we want to be geshmak, we want to feel ruchniyus, but if someone told us there is going to be no Torah in your life, you're have to figure out life in another way, would we take a bullet, meaning would we would we have מסירות נפש עד הקצה האחרון? There are people that would, you know, you see it in people, the whole metzius, their whole lives is one big dance with rishonim and acharonim. Most of us can't relate to people like that. It's like but you're living in the but sometimes you meet certain people and the way that you have such a cheshek is like, wow, this person literally cannot live without Torah. They can't live.
Mesirus nefesh is not a question. There's no life for them without Torah. There's no life for them. There's no purpose to wake up in the morning.
There's no inyan for that. This what the Rebbe's saying is that we didn't yet reach that level that we mamash told Hashem if you if there's no Torah if if that if you don't give me this, I'm not even I'm not even sure it's worth getting up in the morning. We didn't we didn't get to that place at קבלת התורה לוחות ראשונות. So but so he says like this fifth line: וליניין הקדמת הנעשה קודם הנשמה במסירות נפש, but we said na'aseh v'nishmah.
How how did that happen? So you know how why we said na'aseh v'nishmah? Because we got so excited. What caused our excitement? Like we said before, what Eli said: fire on the mountain. We got so excited by it. It is, it's very אך מחמת ההתלהבות הגדולה שהייתה קודם מתן תורה נטו להאמין לעצמם בלא חקירה ודרישה לביאור האמת הצרופה.
They believed in words that naturally were typical were coming off their tongue. What were the words that were coming off their tongue? I'll take a bullet kevyachol, you understand I keep on saying kevyachol. I'll take a bullet. So they were like, well, if that's what's coming out of my mouth, I probably it's probably what I really feel.
They convinced themselves. They convinced themselves that this is actually what they really felt. Now sometimes this happens also with different things in life. You can get very big deep trouble with this, like when when you're one time I sat with a couple that they they knew early on that it was wrong.
They knew early on that it was wrong, they just they were engaged, they didn't know how to get out of it. So I asked him, I said, do do you say I love you to each other? He said, yeah. I said, when was the first time you said I love you? It's like when when I got so excited thinking about what like the marriage, like the wedding and everything and everything, so I said I love you, and then she said I love you, and then we believed, right? But inside deep down inside there was no chakirah drishah, is this the right person for me? It's the many people have a fascination with getting married. I'm sorry, with having a wedding, not with getting married, with having a wedding, right? Could be a shtickel, this is, this is a little bit what's going on over here.
Natu leha'amin le'atzmam, they tended to believe to themselves בלא חקירה ודרישה לבירור אמת הצרופה without really investigating deep down inside to see what's the emes over here. Is this really the person I want to marry?
וצעקו ואמרו נעשה ונשמע אף על פי שהרצון האמיתי והפנימי שלהם עדיין לא אחז במדרגה הגבוה הזאת. Even though their inner deepest, the inner desires of their heart still wasn't holding. Like many—this is so fascinating because you can find this in many different areas in life where we say yes to things thinking that we really believe in them and want them, but really in deep down inside if you ask me, do you really want what you just signed up for? You'd probably say no.
You'd probably say no. Anyone have any—you can think of many examples over here in life where we say we sign up for something, we say yeah, yeah, yeah, this is what I really want. Why? There's hislhavus, there's hislhavus. Every time I order dessert.
I'm sorry? Every time I order dessert. It's like thinking before you speak like that whole in—it's really like the source of it. I'm sorry? Thinking before you speak like the easiest thing to do is respond from emotion, right? Of course. When you really stop and think about it, usually your response is not the one you'd initially have given.
Right, right. Sometimes it is, but usually it's not. Okay, but you know, so, so I'm prepping you all for the obvious question is, can you blame Am Yisrael for getting overly excited at Matan Torah and saying na'aseh v'nishma? Can you blame them? No. Now go veiter, can you blame Am Yisrael for getting so excited after 1967 for thinking that Moshiach's going to come right away and that we're still stuck in this bechol yom sheyavo? Can you blame us? Kolos u'brakim.
Kolos u'brakim. There were, there were you can't—this is what the Tolna Rebbe's dealing with, you see. How could you blame Am Yisrael for getting overly excited? You would too if you were experiencing what they were experiencing, you'd say amen. You'd say I take a bullet.
Why? Because there's this activation of enthusiasm and excitement that that's happening in front of you. How why would you—understand the question? How could we blame them? And the Rebbe's saying exactly, you can't. And you know who else knew that this was going to happen? The Ribbono Shel Olam. And this is how He chose, you see כפה עליהם הר כגיגית you could say is simply kolos u'brakim.
Not that He actually took a mountain. You how did—you understand I'm just saying a lot of words? Huh? Shock and awe. By meaning we always think God coerced us and He pushed us and how did He do that? You put on a light show like that, you'll get anyone to do anything, right? That's a kviah. You know sometimes people walk away from a concert—I was just going to say—same exact thing when the guy is on the stage and he's holding every person in the palm of his hand, at that moment he knows, every performer knows you could become a cult leader.
Right. Netflix will have your documentary in two or three—Naphtali will make sure to let everyone know where that documentary is. Right there. So if להבדיל אלף אלפי מליוני הבדלות when the Ribbono Shel Olam is doing a light show, of course, of course He knew there was going to be na'aseh v'nishma.
What what what else, what else could there be? Right. What else, what else on earth? Can you imagine if after the light show it would be like, hmm, we think we want this, we're still not sure, we're still not sure. That wouldn't be a metzius here. There's about five hands up so and I see everyone's hands.
I just want to—let me flush an idea out for a second, okay? It's very important. How much do you, how much does a person get if they know that they were able to coerce someone to do something? Mitzad the person that's trying to get you to do something. How much do you get? So we sit with this question saying, Ribbono Shel Olam, what did You really get out of na'aseh v'nishma? Kevyachol, as if we're going into God's mind for a second. What did You get out of it by us ending up saying we'll take a bullet for You, if really bipnimiyus ha'inyan we didn't meet that those words yet? They were just words because we got very, very, very excited.
So Hashem, what did You get out of it? Well Hashem is teaching us something really big that we're going to see in a second. Okay, very fast, one, two, three and yeah, go for it. Very quickly, coming from internally versus externally, perfect example are the ten martyrs. Mm-hmm.
Where they actually gave their lives for what they felt. Nachon. That's one. Point number two is what happened with all the other nations that Hashem offered this to? Was there no excitement? No, very very good shaila because they would say based on this, hey, you would have done kolos u'brokim by us, we would have said yes.
Very good question. No answer. No no no the answer is going to take us to another just keep it there but that's a great question. Yeah but they had the Midrash of like they had the sukka and wasn't it just that they left it, they just kicked it.
If they had a kolos u'brokim while they had the sukka, you think they'd kick it? Yeah but they didn't know tell me what do you think? If they were experiencing fire on the mountain while they were doing these things, right? You think that they'd still say no? I assume fire on the mountain is an absolute going to get to everyone. From Hashem yes. It says in Midrash they did hear. Right.
It says definitely definitely that Reb Shlomo has a Torah on this that there were nations of the world that weren't interested actually they wanted to be part not nations sorry yechidim amongst the nations that wanted to be part of it they do show up later with us in the am but it seems it seems to me right that based on how we're building this up over here that this question is bamakom. And that was going to be your question as well? More or less just that asher bachar banu that Hashem's choosing us. Ah so this was basically this was going to be the answer why so you should always hang out together you three. So what's the answer to what your question is is that the emes and it answers Yossi's thing too it was Hashem's choice.
Hashem chose who He wanted the Torah to be received. Mitzad the other way it's really a good shaila meaning in terms of our human conception and logic it really is a good question saying why wait a second anyone would have if anyone would have experienced this thing they probably would have said yes too. We could only assume that the only reason why it didn't happen like that is like we learned last night lama kacha. This is what Hashem asher bachar banu.
It's an interesting thing that we don't say like the bracha when we go up to the Torah ברכו את השם המבורך ברוך אתה השם אלקינו מלך העולם אשר בחרת אותך מכל האלילים ואמרתי לך כן לתורתך ברוך אתה השם תתן לי תורה something like that. And Kiddush is the same אשר בחר בנו מכל עם. We don't say ברוך אתה השם אלקינו מלך העולם אשר בחרתי בך מכל האלילים no אשר בחר בנו מכל עם. So you chose to give me the Torah in this way which seems to be problematic in the get-go and now we're going to try to solve it.
You guys are good? Can I just say something? You just did. Continue. This is because because Hashem to answer your question from a moment ago why would Hashem do this it because Hashem loves us so much we're still here now because of maybe the zechuyot that even though our heart was completely not into it just because we said naaseh v'nishmah because of a light show Hashem's able to say look at my children and we're still He's still giving us the same thing. Nachon because we said it.
Yeah. Now very good now just one more one more piece. This maimer is much longer I had to choose at a certain point where to stop it because then not just because of time because I want to focus on the nekudah. What did we say before about internal versus external awakenings right that the ones that really last are the ones that are happening inside of you that no one could see.
You know the people that go through a lot of changes in life but are so clear I want chevra I want you all to pay attention to this. This is very very important. People that go through a lot of changes in life but the changes manifest in some type of external outcome doesn't mean that it's not real. Sometimes I feel a need to externally align with something that's happening inside of me.
Doesn't mean it's not real. But if it never if it never gets if you don't have any secrets with Hashem then it can't really be that real it can't really be that deep meaning if the only way it manifests is through an external exposure of yourself something's not right something's not there. Like there are people look for instance there are people here I joke about it a lot about facial hair and stuff obviously I have don't get the wrong idea you know I get your beard is geshmak and it's you. It's absolutely you and all the other chevra that came in here.
It's not that I grew a beard I just don't cut it. Just so you should know when this dude came around there was a little the patch soul patch this little hair you remember right? So I do get excited and in Sefira three weeks there's more facial hair in the shiur than other but there are people that never ever went through that experience of anything on the outside, anything on the outside, but you know that something inside is brewing like no one's business. The point that I'm trying to make over here is like this is that we're living in a dor that we we really cannot cannot I was looking at a bunch of your cousins over Shabbos from all sides and again at the wedding we're living in a generation that you really have no idea who anybody is. You just have no idea who anybody is anymore.
There was one a rosh yeshiva sat with me this week and he was telling me about his son. His son, I think he says I think he went through Shas already and he told me amazing stories about his trek after the army and he was I think in India erev Pesach and the father called his son and said to him do you know do you want me do you want to be on the phone for the siyum habechor? He says and the father because it looked like the son was going off his own derech, right? So the son said to his Abba for what? He's like I have I'm do I'm doing a siyum on Kiddushin this morning. You look at the guy you'd never al pi his what he looks like meshadech with your daughter, right? So we've entered into an era only here in Eretz Yisrael. This is an Eretz Yisrael gilluy.
This is an Eretz Yisrael gilluy where we're seeing people that al pi halevush, haro'us, we have no idea who they are. We never did, but now even more. We have no idea who they are. We see this all the time.
It's getting deeper and deeper. Hashem should give us the eyes to see it and the patience to if we haven't gotten there yet. Amen. The inyan here that the Rebbe is going to go into right now is that tzniyus when you can't when you don't know because things are held kept in so deep inside they're being done on a much deeper plane.
Those are the things that actually last forever when things are done in a tzanua way. However what needs what gets you to get excited over tzniyus is something external. So look what he says here. You'd have to have marriage after you see the the kallah first.
לוחות הראשונות שהיו בתשואות שלטה בהם עין רע וביאור עניין ההתלהבות הראשונה הזאת בלוחות הראשונות. Bottom bottom paragraph.
וביאור עניין ההתלהבות הראשונה הזאת בלוחות הראשונות regarding the excitement that came with the first set of tablets. Kasav haSfas Emes, the Sfas Emes has a beautiful piece Parshas Ki Sisa 1879.
יסוד גדול ונורא בדרכי עבודה. What does the Sfas Emes say? Vezeh leshono. BeRashi, Rashi says: הראשונות על ידי שהיו בתשואות וקולות וקהלות שלטה בהן עין רע. What did Rashi say over here? The first set of tablets came about the way that it was trans- the way that it was given over had a massive entourage of of miracles, of voices, of sounds, of visions.
Everything was right? But because it was so big, shalta bahen ayin ra. What does that mean? Ayin ra. Shalta mean that that's the point over here. It influenced, it had a control- there was a ayin ra that was shoylet the whole experience meaning the ayin ra that comes from things that are you know outside.
This is very hard thing to to swallow. That when things are so big and the outside things look so geshmak on the outside, that that gives a pischon for the ayin ra for the evil eye to come and and put its like to be cynical about something. Huh? To be cynical in a way. Like you you have this amazing experience and you can't just like nah it can't be it's not it's not real or something going on.
Interesting.
ואין לך מדה יפה מן הצניעות. And then Rashi says: אין לך מדה יפה מן הצניעות. That the greatest midah is the midah of tzniyus.
V'kashe, so now the question is obvious: למה לא נתן גם הראשונות בצנעה? So Hashem why didn't you give the first set of luchos in a way that the ayin hara couldn't be shoylet in it? Which means betzina, which would mean there's no fire on the mountain, there's no וכל העם רואים את הקולות ואת הלפידים. Why didn't you just give us the Torah like that? Why did you give us the Torah in a we did we activate the kolos uvrakim? Did we did we did that? We did the whole light show? Wasn't us. We didn't we didn't do any of that. We just we were there avadim a few minutes ago we're standing there I don't know what's going on.
Hashem you did it. And the Rebbe is asking so why Hashem if you wanted to be permanent and last and for us to be real with our words, what else did You expect? And if You didn't want ayin hara to be sholet in the first luchos, then here's a great idea: Get rid of the light show. Keep it quiet.
אבל בוודאי שניהם צריכים.
But for sure, sorry, this is still the Sfas Emes, not the Tolner Rebbe.
אבל בוודאי שניהם צריכים, but he says no, no, no, you need both. Why?
כי לולי התלהבות הקודם בפרסום לא היה אחר כך יכולת ללכת בדרך צניעות. What did the Sfas Emes say? This is a...
you don't have the big show then you don't know what tznius is maybe? Then you don't know what tznius is. That's one way of saying it. What else, what could be another way? It wouldn't go the other way. What does this way mean?
לולי התלהבות הקודם בפרסום.
If there wasn't this extra enthusiasm that was done in a grandiose way, there wouldn't be the ability afterwards to walk with the Torah, to go with the Torah betznius. You need that first shock. You need that first explosion in order to in order to be able to then internalize it and really go. Really go in it meaning that you don't need it afterwards, that you could do it without the light show, that you could do it internally.
Nachon. You need that external stimuli in order to get something internally going. Meaning you can't choose to go with something passionately be-emes bifnim baleiv if there's no explosion on a certain level. Yeah? It's kind of like chochmah binah in that way.
That flash of inspiration and then you can't really handle all of it, but you need it. Davar mitoch davar inside. Nachon. Meaning you're not going to get to listen, you're not going to make aliyah from chutz la-aretz unless you have not from Moscow, but from like more comfortable places that we could think of to live a Jewish life unless there's an explosion.
But we only all know chevra, all the olim in here know the only way to make it here is then when Eretz Yisrael, when this thing becomes a tzniusdike relationship. And it's not about the kolos uverakim. But you need that. Exactly what he said.
Exactly. Shock to the system. Shock and awe. You need to hit rock bottom.
It's interesting that you're calling kolos uverakim rock bottom. I don't say so. No, I think maybe the tznius maybe is the rock bottom. No, then you'll get these guys that come out of rock bottom or they have a car accident, God forbid, something like that.
Then all of a sudden they're humble. They become a lot more humble, a lot more humble. Shock. But that's shock and awe.
Yes, yes.
רק על ידי שכבר הקדימו בקולי קולות נתקיים אחר כך הצניעות. It's only that because they said naaseh venishma was the even the ability for the Torah to then simmer into, like to find its place into the heart in a quiet way, in a tzniusdike way. Vezeh limud ledoros.
The Sfas Emes says this is for this is forever this way of this paradigm of thinking.
כי בתחילה צריך להיות בהתלהבות עצום. Listen, to get something off the ground, you've got to be passionate. I called, I spoke to Rav Weinberger the first week we ever discussed having a Rav in the shul, years ago, right? And there's a pasuk he said to me that I think about it every time it comes up in davening, and he said in order for there to be any type of like future of something kavua in a holy, in a tzniusdike way, he says, first there's רוח סערה עושה דברו, he says.
There needs to be a ruach se'arah, a spirit of a storm. A spirit of a storm is not a quiet, you know, tznius. It's a you need a, I think he said 13 or 15 families that for them it's a ruach se'arah. It's got to be loud, it's got to be passionate, it's got to be fire.
In order so that afterwards things can continue to just be built in a tzniusdike way. But there is no other way. You're not going to get to tznius that leads to hislavus, right? Hislavus like we're speaking about. It doesn't work like that.
It works the the Sfas Emes is saying it works the other way, that there's a hislavus that really is there to lead you to tznius. When we were learning Bnei Machshava Tova, the Piaseczner brings us down it's like the things that you feel like you want to be doing but you aren't able to really do it authentically, start by tricking yourself to do it, and then from there you'll actually you can build a connection. Nachon. What do Chazal call that? Meaning, is the Luchot Rishonot shelo lishma? Is Na'aseh v'Nishma shelo lishma? On a certain level it is.
But ba lishma, tzniut, Luchot Shniyot. Look how he ends it here: כי בתחילה צריך להיות בהתלהבות עצום ואם כי לא ישאר זאת ההתלהבות דבר של קיימא עם כל זה הוא העצה גם לימי הירידה אחר כך. You need this passion. Why? Because when life is life, when life becomes life, and then you have to deal with when it's not kolot v'vrakim, what's gonna keep you up? You need that endurance.
You need that memory of the passion. You need the memory that one time there was fire in order to get back to it. But if you start off with no fire, no passion, no light show, and then you go on this journey, then if you God forbid have a yerida, what may happen? There's no way getting out of it. There's no way getting out of it.
Lamadnu im ken, so we learned כי התלהבות הראשונה היתה נצרכת. It needed to be like this, that God puts on a light show and we end up saying Na'aseh v'Nishma.
אלא שהיו צריכין להזהר לזכך לבם שלא יהיו בו פניות נוספות ומנוגדות. But then the Tolna Rebbe says, but what's the only thing that have to happen afterwards? You have to catch Hashem in his mastery of his show.
You say, okay Ribono Shel Olam, this is how you designed the world. Let's be real. You got me going. You got me excited.
Why? Because you know that this is the way for me to hold onto you forever, for a long long time afterwards. Nachon? But then you have to make sure he says after you say the Na'aseh v'Nishma, be real with yourself. Say do I really really, would I take a bullet for this? Yes, really? Really? And then when you realize more and more that it's not so true, ah, now do the work of avodat Hashem that's more tzniut, that's more inside. Luchot Shniyot, there's no kolot v'vrakim.
Now how do you activate all these emotions when no one's looking, when it's not that exciting? Then that becomes a real marriage. We all know this about our own marriages. Marriage only begins like, I would say, marriage only begins a few years after you have children even, right? Like we always say this, like you ever look back at your wedding album and you see you see yourself smiling, right? And you ask yourself מה אתה צוחק מה אתה מחייך? What are you what are you smiling about? Ma ata... no, like if you could go back to the, right? What were you what were you so happy about? You were happy? Okay, you were happy there was a lot of kolot v'vrakim at the wedding.
It's true, right? But that inner smile of what happens when it's bitzniut? And with this I, I don't know if I told you this story. There was one time a couple that they were big big donors to ArtScroll because they were married, not a kosher wedding the first time. They became ba'ale teshuvah, and then they were married for many years later, and then they had a bunch of kids and then they got into Yiddishkeit and they wanted to have a proper wedding. So all the...
I forgot the names, Rabbi Zlotowitz, is that the name? Rabbi Meir Zlotowitz, he's in this... no alav hashalom, right? Yeah. And Sherman, Rabbi Nosson Sherman, he was there. All, they were all there.
And they did it in a fancy hotel in Los Angeles and I was playing at the chuppah. And I remember, but it was just not a lot of people, just in a ballroom in a hotel in LA, and I saw how they looked at each other, this couple, married for probably 18 or 20 years. How they looked at each other and there was such a deep... it wasn't loud, it was this...
it wasn't a full quartet and bands, it was me, a little 19 year old kid playing, you know, a few chords, and I'm looking at them and I saw Luchot Shniyot. Like right away that's what I was thinking. It's like this is mamash Luchot Shniyot. And yeah, it's less light show, but wow is this penetrating deep.
Is this penetrating deep. This is looking through the... however they could have never gotten to that place if there wasn't whatever came before. And that's the game we're living in in this world.
Why Hashem designed it like this, I don't know why. But it helps us understand how we could live with seemingly internal contradictions all the time, like will the real us please stand please stand up and just take authority and say this is who this is what I really am. Zman Matan Torateinu chevre Shavuos and with all the hachanas that we could have, you can't you're never really fully ready to hear to really receive what Hashem wants to give you. It's just a gift.
So the hachana we could do for ourselves for the next, you know, what we've been doing this week and going into Yom Tov is a bakasha to Hashem that we should learn how to contain these these seemingly inner contradictions that are going on inside of us and not get freaked out by them. They shouldn't paralyze us. This is part of the way that Hashem created us. This is the divine image that there's something much bigger than us in this picture.
We didn't create the duality of our feelings and our emotions. The gaiva says, look what we did, we created two different beasts, it's not true. Nefesh Elokus and Nefesh Bahamus are not things that that we created. These are things that Hakadosh Baruch Hu designed and created.
And when we accept that, then we can say every year deeper and deeper na'aseh v'nishma and mean it in a deeper way. And every year we say na'aseh v'nishma, it becomes more real. But I would say like this, maybe na'aseh v'nishma that we're singing that we've been saying every year since Shavuos has been without kolos u'vrakim. Unless chevre here are big on dosing erev Shavuos, I don't know.
But but we have we've been saying na'aseh v'nishma every single year for thousands of years without kolos u'vrakim. What does that say? It's amazing. It means the Torah is getting more and more real, deep into our kishkas from a place of tznius every single year, more and more and more and more. So I just I know that there's going a lot I'm so proud and thankful to the chevre from the shul what we what we put together for Shavuos night is really and every room, at every with every age throughout the night.
I have one bakasha. Towards the end there's going to be about 120 of the high school chevre that asked if they could come to the tish that we do right before we daven. And I want them to see, don't take this the wrong way, older people, older than eight 17, 18, that are still on fire. So wherever you're at, wherever you have to be during the night, it should all be bsiyata d'shmaya and good for everyone.
But at the end, we always sing strong for like half an hour. But it's going to be this year half an probably like 4:15 until we start at 4:40, 4:45, ten to five of strong nigunim. I want to ask everyone to come back to the main shul by at least then. All the other chavrusa shiurim what you're doing, gut gevalt, but sing strong, we'll sing really strong and hopefully then go into a very strong kabbalas haTorah morning.
It should be a big zechus for us and our family l'olmei ad. Amen.
חנניה בן עקשיא אומר רצה הקדוש ברוך הוא לזכות את ישראל.