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"A LOT with Audra" is the podcast for women juggling big dreams and full lives. Each episode, host, Audra Dinell, Midwestern wife, mom and neurodivergent multi-six figure entrepreneur encourages women to embrace their many roles holistically by living a values-based life with confidence and joy. Through candid discussions, practical strategies and inspiring stories, this podcast is your guide to designing and achieving success without losing yourself in the process.
Ep57
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Introduction to Josh Luton
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[00:00:00]
Audra Dinell: [00:01:00] Okay. This episode is gonna be such a huge treat for you. I have gotten to know Josh Luton, our guest today, through his writing on Substack and conversations in person, and I knew I needed to have him on the podcast. We are gonna be talking specifically today a lot about alcohol, but you can replace alcohol with busyness, with social media, with shopping with any other vices you might.
Fall back on to numb away from feeling life. Josh Luton is interested in living the questions after choosing to stop drinking alcohol. He's been on a journey back to self-connection and trust. Josh built a life that looked great on the outside, but after years in a traditional business environment, he looked [00:02:00] around and wondered if there was more.
That question eventually led him to his current chapter where he coaches folks navigating shifts in work relationship or in their sense of self. Josh's writing and curiosity focus on emotional sobriety and self-trust. He has a husband and father of two learning to live these questions in the middle of a real life.
Welcome, Josh.
Josh, I love your writing on Substack, and specifically what I love is how you normalize. Real life things like overwhelm and how you are okay with not having an answer because sometimes there's just not.
Josh Luton: Yeah.
Josh's Journey with Alcohol
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Audra Dinell: So can you take us back to when you first started questioning your relationship with alcohol and kind of that shift?
Josh Luton: Yeah, absolutely. Well, it's funny you bring up overwhelm now 'cause we were talking before we started recording [00:03:00] about how my morning had gone and I was in the overwhelm, you know, so it's, that's just kind of where I am or where I can be at times. And in some ways I guess, I don't know if that's what where I was when I was started questioning it.
It's been a long history of, like me and alcohol. When I first kind of went back I mean, I started drinking pretty young. We don't have to go all the way back there, but like probably 2018 in December was the first like, structured time. I, I would do like, give it up for Lent at times in the past like 20 eighteens.
And then in 2018 December I was like, you know, maybe I take a break. And I heard of this thing called one year no beer. And it was like a challenge. And they had like a 30, 90 or one year challenge. So I was like, you know what, for 2019 I'm gonna do this, this challenge. So I did the 30 day challenge and was like, oh, that went pretty well, or no, I think I did 90.
And so I signed up for that and was like, that's going pretty well. Let's keep going into the year right. And see what happens. And I got somewhere around August and I kind of like, was like, why am I doing this? I don't really understand. My drinking wasn't that bad. Mm-hmm. So I kind of like just stopped not [00:04:00] drinking.
And it's not like it went back to being problematic all of a sudden. But I would say over the years it kind of just picked up. Like I feel like that's what alcohol does. It kind of just picks up. So by the time I got to, it was funny, I just found a journal the other day of around this time period and like 20, 22, I wrote a note in my phone that said like, I feel better when I don't drink in the morning.
But then, like I still, it was six months before I actually stopped drinking, right? And so I had these feelings of like, not feeling great, or I would have a big night out, or I'd have this shortness with my wife or my daughters, like, you know what I mean? All these little things that stacked up. And I just would wonder like, is this a problem?
Is it that much of a problem? And that's kind of what led me to finally, there's some bigger things. Like I have a post on Substack about my literal rock bottom, about when I stopped. But I'd say that's where the questioning began. At that point,
The Shift to Sobriety
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Audra Dinell: so for the listeners, it, like I mentioned in the intro, it might not be alcohol, it might be too [00:05:00] much social media.
Yeah. Or it might be numbing by always doing the next thing and keeping our schedule very, very busy. I'm just interested in this relationship with overwhelm and the shift because you said. That's how you felt some overwhelm before you made the shift to really examine your relationship with alcohol. But then you're at this other shift in life and this is a positive, proactive shift, and there's some overwhelm here too.
So share kind of what is currently. Share where you are currently on your journey?
Josh Luton: Yeah, so we're really early currently.
Current Life and New Career
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Josh Luton: So my last day of my previous career for the last, you know, almost 11 years was December 19th. So this is. Day four of the first work, week of my new year, new career, moving into transition coaching full time and writing as part of that [00:06:00] serves that.
So that's the new thing. Solo entrepreneurship, self-employment, it's a whole new world. And that comes with a lot of excitement and a lot of fear, right? Because I don't have a paycheck coming necessarily in two weeks. I don't have. All the security that, I mean, I had to get my own health insurance, right?
Yeah. That's a whole thing that, you know, you hear about. And for a long time, honestly, it kept me from stopping sooner, those little silly things. But it's all those little moments that kind of pile up to this mental load I feel like. And you know, to go back to the things you mentioned, so alcohol or food or doom scrolling or like a busyness just rushing around.
To me, when I see myself in those patterns, it's getting me away from feeling, it's getting me disconnected from my body. Right. So for me, alcohol was my thing. And you know, it's funny 'cause like I never had a DUI, although there were definitely times I drove that I shouldn't have driven. I think a lot of people can relate to that.
Mm-hmm. I didn't lose my job, my wife hadn't left me. Mm-hmm. Even though at the time after I stopped drinking, we had [00:07:00] conversations where she talked about. I didn't think I would ever leave, but I had to think about what it would look like if I left you. And she was like, I love you so much. That's hard to imagine.
Mm-hmm. So it's challenging to hear that from the person you love most in the world. Yeah. But it also shows how much these things that numb us out from our feelings take us out of that moment. So to me, that's where the magic in feeling is. Like I can be in this moment with you and I can feel a little nervousness in my chest.
Right. I can feel some butterflies in my stomach. I can feel the need to take a deep breath or kind of a quickness of breath and I can feel all that. But if I'm drinking for me, I'm not feeling those things. And so alcohol, even though I felt like I was present with my wife and with my daughters and with my life, it really would put this cocoon around me in a way where I was in the room, but I wasn't really present.
And I couldn't see that at the time. And I think that's the hardest thing about anything. That takes us away from ourselves is that we feel like we're there. Maybe my daughter's here and I'm scrolling on my phone and I feel like I'm responding to her [00:08:00] questions, but I'm not really there in that moment with her.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Josh Luton: And so it's, it's to me, whatever your thing is, it may not be alcohol, it may be something else, but like it's anything that for me, takes me outta that moment. But it's hard to see. There, there's a phrase in like aa, which, you know, there's pros and cons and people have feelings about that, but like, you can't read the bottle from the inside, or you can't read the label from inside the bottle.
Yeah. You know, and I didn't know how true that was until I stopped drinking, you know? And so again, like you said, whether it's food or scrolling or shopping, or just having a million things in a full schedule. Whatever's keeping you from feeling yourself. It's hard to see that until you take a little break from your thing.
Audra Dinell: I can relate so much when it comes to busyness. I've always been a person with a lot going on, and I have been so intentional since 2024 of trying to unravel that. And so I am. Definitely still in the process, but able to understand what you [00:09:00] are talking about.
Understanding and Feeling Emotions
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Audra Dinell: So why do you think we have such a hard time feeling our feelings?
Josh Luton: So I think the hard thing about feeling feelings is, you know. We don't like them. Right? Like I grew up feeling a pretty limited range of feelings. Like there was happiness, which is what you were supposed to be, and there was sadness, which was tolerable. But there wasn't a lot of education in my household about what emotional maturity looked like or development looked like, right?
And school didn't teach me that. I was active in church growing up. Church didn't necessarily teach me that you were supposed to kind of be happy all the time. And so for me, when I would have feelings, I would be uncomfortable. And so I used alcohol to numb those.
Right? But then once you take that away, you have to feel your feelings. Like that's the benefit of like any form of recovery from I think alcohol or drugs or whatever it is. I mean, eating is. You have to feel your stuff. You have to face it. You can't hide from it. Now you can go to [00:10:00] scrolling or some of those things, but I think it's scary because there's not an answer in feelings.
And, and feelings can feel big, right? With my daughters sometimes they have big emotions. I have big emotions in response to their big emotions and feelings sometimes. And I don't always know what to do with those. And sometimes it can be scary to me, like, do I really feel this? And what do I do in this moment?
Do I take space? Do I try to teach them? Do I engage? And so I think feelings can frankly just be overwhelming. I mean, overwhelming is a feeling, as you talked about, but like they can just be too much sometimes. And I don't know that we talk about it openly enough, especially as men, we definitely don't talk about feeling feelings.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. I think it's hard because like you said, when you are choosing to show up and be present and feel your feelings, there's no healthy escape. You just have to sit there. So it really is a practice in. Tolerance with uncomfortability and in the entrepreneurship [00:11:00] world, that's something we get used to. We have to be uncomfortable.
We have to stretch ourselves, we have to push ourselves, and I think it's the same in the feelings world because. I have the same similar story as you. These five feelings were available to me. Those were the words I knew. They're the inside out characters and inside out one Yep. Best Pixar movie and that, that was all that was available to me.
But you know, something that you wrote about that I think is interesting is that fear is the root of overwhelm. Mm-hmm. Can you say more about that?
Josh Luton: Yeah, sure.
Emotional Sobriety and Internal Family Systems
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Josh Luton: So I just went through kind of this emotional sobriety course recently where we learned a lot about feelings. And the idea of emotional sobriety is really just emotional maturity, right?
And so a lot of what we talked about was being the adult in the room, and the idea behind that is let's use like an internal family systems lens, right? So internal family systems therapy, we all have these [00:12:00] parts inside us. Like, I'm Josh, you're Audra. But within Josh, there's all these parts of Josh, there's an 11-year-old Josh, there's a 20-year-old Josh.
There's a, you know, all these different things. There's a protector and the, there's like the ones who help me keep it all together. There's exiles, the parts that I don't wanna feel, and so I kind of banish them. There's firefighters that are kind of a protector, like my drinking firefighter is the kind of protector that when I feel something, it's gonna help me not feel that.
And so it's gonna help me drink to do that, or that's what it used to do. So all this is, you know, in emotional maturity, it's like learning how to be that person because the people we interact with are, a lot of them are blended with a young part. They might be a 40-year-old or a 30-year-old, or a 50-year-old, but they're acting from a 10 or 11-year-old part because they haven't developed that emotional range and maturity.
And so the reason I'm giving all that background is as part of this class, I learned about the feelings wheel, which instead of five or six feelings, there's just. Plethora of feelings and beyond that and actually bought this whole [00:13:00] feelings pillow that has the main feelings will in the center, and then it radiates out a little bit to, okay, if you're feeling fear, it might be anxious or something, and then it goes even further to overwhelm or all these different things.
So I would not have known a few months ago that overwhelm was a subset of fear. I just wouldn't have felt that if this is overwhelm, if I could even name that. So to me it was helpful to kind of connect the big feeling like fear to a smaller, more nuanced feeling, like overwhelm. 'cause then I can start to get curious about, okay, what does that mean?
And then as, part of this emotional maturity program they referenced a book that I'm spacing on the name of, but it had internal questions for all the emotions. And so the internal question for fear is, what do I need to prepare for?
Audra Dinell: Hmm.
Josh Luton: And that made a lot of sense because in overwhelm I'm feeling there's a lot I need to get done and I can make a list for you of everything I need to get done.
And that can feel like preparing, but it's like, of course that's what I need to prepare for these things, but maybe it shifts to how do I need to prepare for those things. So getting to [00:14:00] me, learning those emotions and learning the internal questions for those has been really helpful in my own naming and labeling some of those things through this process,
Audra Dinell: because I have.
Been a feelings will person for about four years or so. Okay. But I never connected that route that you did. So overwhelmed. Like I was happy. I could name, I am overwhelmed, but I didn't connect that it was related to fear. So I love just that drill down. And then of course, curiosity. I feel like that's.
Yeah. When we're able to name our feelings Yeah. Feel them. That's the next step to get curious.
Josh Luton: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, the curiosity is the key, right? Because people have a hard time feeling their feelings because we want to like make them go away most of the time. But if we can take a breath and get back and just like say, what am I feeling right now?
And a feeling is just like, what's in your body? Mm-hmm. Like, don't make this a big heady thing. It's like I have some tension between my shoulders or my jaw's really tight right [00:15:00] now, or maybe I'm relaxed, right? Maybe I'm calm and maybe I feel grounded and maybe my body feels heavy in a good way. Like that's relaxed and and content.
That's another feeling. So they're not, I think, feel like we talk about feeling our feelings, like they're all the heavy, hard ones, but there's also the good ones too. But to me, it just comes back to the body over and over again. And so if you're starting to have a feeling. Just sit with that for a second.
Close your eyes. Put a hand on your chest. Maybe hand on your stomach. Just give it a beat to see like, where in my body am I feeling what I'm feeling right now? And have that curiosity and be open to not knowing and be open to not being able to name it. Like, Hey, I've got some tension in my legs or something.
And. I don't know what that's connected to right now.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Josh Luton: But if I can just stay curious with that, then that leads me somewhere. As opposed to labeling it like, oh, I have this tension in my legs. That's bad. I feel like that's what I used to do a lot. Or like, I feel down right now, how do I fix this? Yes.
Oh yeah. Yes. We
Audra Dinell: jump to fixing.
Josh Luton: Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Because that's [00:16:00] what society rewards. We wanna fix everything. Yeah. Right. And pull up Instagram or whatever, social media right now, and there's a fix for whatever you're feeling, or to help you not feel that, you know what I mean? Yeah. We wanna fix it all.
Audra Dinell: So alcohol was the fix for you?
Yeah.
The Promise and Reality of Sobriety
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Audra Dinell: When you considered sobriety, what did that consideration promise you? What was your hope there and what has it actually delivered?
Josh Luton: Yeah. It's so funny and it, it's so funny too that I just found that journal because I. When I first stopped, so my sobriety date was August 22nd, 2022. Congratulations. So thank you.
But it's funny 'cause even a month or two after that, it wasn't clear that I was like, sober, if that makes sense. It was like, I'm sober curious and I'm pretty sure I'm never gonna drink again. But also what does that mean? And you know, all that wrestling and churning and, and just, I don't know. So you asked what did sobriety promise me?
And I don't know that I really knew what it promised me at the time, to be honest. Like, [00:17:00] I think it promised me no more hangovers, maybe, which nobody wants a hangover, right? Even if you drink normally. So that was one thing, but I don't know that I knew much beyond that. I, I knew that it, it was becoming an issue.
Like I could see there was just a daily dependence on it, you know? And so sobriety at least offered me a different path. I won't say freedom because I don't think I could imagine that at that point. But just, you know, I came home every day and I was having a martini at the end of the day because Stanley Tucci has martinis and he looks classy as all get out, right?
Like, that's right. I wanna be Stanley Tucci
Audra Dinell: I wanna be Stanley Tucci, right? Yeah.
Josh Luton: And then like, think of like Mad Men, right? Yes. Like, it was just like, man, these people cocktail hour looks so civilized. Like, I go to work, I come home, I take the edge off. Like that's how I wanted to drink. Yeah.
Then it turned into this everyday thing, and it was, I was never an all day drinker except on like vacation when we're having mimosas or a bloody Mary and then, you know, whatever. But still it just became this thing. And so sobriety, I think [00:18:00] promised the no hangovers. It promised something different. It really just opened up space that I, I didn't know that was coming though, so I wouldn't say sobriety promised me that.
I think it just promised me a different path potentially.
Audra Dinell: So this is where I think most people get it wrong. I think most people feel like they have to have that clear end vision or goal or plan.
When the truth is it is messy and sometimes you just have to take the next step. The next right step and the next right step.
And then maybe there's a misstep in there, but it will get you. Someplace good, but we can't be fixated on where we're going so much that we let that pause us from taking any action at all.
Josh Luton: Yeah, to totally. I, I mean, I just got chills on my back when you said that. I wouldn't be where I am right now.
The Impact of Sobriety on Life and Career
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Josh Luton: I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you if I hadn't have stopped drinking. [00:19:00] Sobriety didn't promise me that I would be here talking to you, and it's not 'cause I think I would've died if I didn't stop drinking. It's not any of those things. But it's just like I wouldn't have had this capacity if I hadn't.
I saw you were gonna ask something, so,
Connecting Sobriety to Entrepreneurship
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Audra Dinell: well, I'm wondering how then you connect your sobriety to your. Leap into entrepreneurship and yes, you're new, but I think the leap is this scary part and that's the part that takes a long time. Yeah. Sort of gearing yourself up to make that leap. Yeah. But you, you've made the leap.
What, what's your connection to alcohol and making the leap?
Josh Luton: Totally.
Discovering Unfulfilled Aspects of Life
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Josh Luton: Well, coming home every day and having my Stanley Tucci martini, as classy as that may look and refined like. It keeps me enduring things that I don't like that much. That's the thing about alcohol. One of the things I found out when I stopped drinking is there's a lot of stuff I'm doing that I just don't enjoy that much, but because I'm drinking when I'm doing it, it makes it tolerable, right?
There's spaces that I'm hanging out in. There's people that I'm around. There's things that I'm going [00:20:00] to that it's like, I just don't care about this that much, but. Or just being in a job. Right? Like my job, if you look at it, I was well paid, I worked with good people. Like there was nothing wrong with it.
Mm-hmm. Right? I wasn't being, there wasn't anything a hostile work environment or a negative boss or any of those things. But there was just some, an inner discontent that I couldn't feel when I was drinking. Right. And so up until 2022, I may have had some of those feelings, but if I had them I would just drink and then it'd be fine because I can take the edge off and numb out a little bit, get up the next day and do it all again.
Right.
Audra Dinell: Taking away the ability to numb meant that you had to self confront mm-hmm. About what was good in your life and what you were doing that. Wasn't actually good for you or fulfilling for you.
Josh Luton: Yeah.
Audra Dinell: And that's scary in and of itself.
Josh Luton: Yeah.
Audra Dinell: The, the change of, oh no, if I can't [00:21:00] numb, I might actually have to be honest.
Yeah.
Josh Luton: And I couldn't even use those words at the time. Like we're talking about this in such a. Developed way and a rational way. But at the time I couldn't have even said like, I'm not numbing, like my therapist I've been going to for years. He's incredible. I would talk to him about how I was drinking.
I'd be like, oh, I'd have two martinis a night, maybe a glass of wine on top of that or two and, and he'd be like. And I'd be like, it's not affecting me. He'd, he, you know, he'd be like, I would look him in the eyes and tell him that, and he, to his credit, didn't say anything, didn't balk, didn't even, he just sat there and witnessed me.
But I could look him in the eyes and be like, it's not having an impact on me. Like, I'm fine. I'm going to work. I'm still a dad. I'm going to all the things. So I just couldn't see what was happening or what wasn't happening. And so, to your point, like I couldn't imagine being honest with myself 'cause I didn't know I was lying to myself.
Because I wouldn't let myself feel that. So again, I know I'm like talking in circles, but it's back to the body and back to feeling.
The Role of Writing in Sobriety
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Josh Luton: And so to get [00:22:00] back to the question on like entrepreneurship and sobriety, once I stopped drinking, I had to do something proactive with my time or that's what helped me.
So like I got asuna like six or eight months before I stopped drinking. And when I first was stopping, I was like, you know what? I'm gonna do the sauna at night instead of have a drink because you're not supposed to drink and then get in the sauna. I think the fins do that or something, but that seems wild to me.
I don't think you're, you know, I'm not a doctor, but don't do that. And so that was a, a positive anchor. So at night I would go sit in the sauna and one night this is like months in, this is the next summer, so I'm probably sober seven or eight months at this point. I just had the idea to go upstairs and write, and I hadn't written in years, but I wrote a lot in my undergrad and in grad school, and I started writing fiction, which I never wrote of this one night.
So I go upstairs, I just start writing, and for like a few months I just wrote and I just wrote a hundred words a day or so every night. And. Then there was this writing room workshop that came up in Santa Fe, New Mexico, and Laura McOwen, who wrote a sober [00:23:00] memoir called, we Are the Luckiest, highly Recommend if you're curious about stopping drinking.
You know, she was gonna be there and Lamont was gonna be there. Wow.
Audra Dinell: Wow.
Josh Luton: What, who is the artist's Way I'm spacing on her name? Person, I should know this name. Anyway, the artist way author Julia Cameron. There it is. Okay. Was gonna be there and all these people talking about writing, and I talked to my wife and I was like, what do you think about this?
It's just more like, as a joke. And she was like, oh, you should go. I was like, what? And, and so I went to this workshop in September. A few months after this, I had just started writing again. I showed up with all these people. They didn't know me as an ethanol guy. They didn't know me as anybody. They just knew.
I said I was a writer and I was showing up as a writer. And there was so much freedom in that, and they all were showing up in the same way. They just accepted that. And so that was my first thing to be like, oh, I can be a different person. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like this is opening up a different thing.
Exploring New Ventures and Self-Discovery
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Josh Luton: And then it's not like a steady stream from then. But I've looked into all kinds of things. I looked into short term rentals. I looked into [00:24:00] like buying a small business. I looked into all these other franchises. I wanted to do something for myself. I also looked at a year ago, right now, I was gonna start a non-alcoholic bottle shop.
Yeah. That was my thing. Right? Like you, you know, you bought some stuff from us. Yeah. And like that was my vision. But it wasn't really what I wanted to do. I think what I really wanted was all these other containers to let me write, to let me work with people in what I'd call healing or transformational spaces.
But I was too scared to come out and name that for the world, because if you reject that, now you're rejecting me. Whereas these other things are just a big idea, like, oh, a bottle shop or a business like that looks legitimate, but me saying I'm going to work for myself. What are you thinking? You a life coach.
You're gonna be a life coach, Josh. Like, I thought I was crazy and thought people would think I was crazy. So that's a really long way of, finally this summer, I got to where I said, if I'm gonna invest in something else, why not just invest in myself Right. And bet on myself for a bit. So, you're [00:25:00] right.
It took three plus years of searching of wrestling. There were some angsty journal entries that I went through the other day. I mean, I, I should have brought it, they should probably not be aired, but like. It got me to here, but I couldn't have gotten here day 30 of being sober.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Josh Luton: But I didn't know I would get here at this point either.
Audra Dinell: I just think that's the beauty of the journey. Everyone says, enjoy the journey. Yeah. And it's just the mystery of where will this lead me? Where will this lead me? And I love goals and can get too stuck sort of in that goal mindset. This is what I'm going for.
I've got the end in mind. So here's the path, but. The older I get and the longer I'm in entrepreneurship and the more, the longer I've bet on myself, the more I just appreciate the mystery and the magic of this decision. And I don't know what it's gonna lead to, but this just feels like a whole body Yes.
Decision. So I love that you shared that journey. I mean, [00:26:00] your runway of choosing to become sober, sort of, yeah. Exploring it. To the eight months later in the sauna as an anchor habit to the writing, to the retreat, to taking the leap. That's a three year path. I think we, we want things to be quick. We want things to be tidy, and life is not tidy.
Life is just so messy, but there's so much beauty in the journey if you can see it that way.
Josh Luton: Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, I think the sauna thing is funny too. I didn't plan on talking about that, but like. We bought the sauna eight months before I stopped drinking. Like I didn't buy the sauna to get sober to get to this place.
Like to your point, it's those little yeses along the way. That may not mean anything that day. It didn't mean anything the day I bought it. Other than that, I want to do this. It's probably good for my health. I didn't think it was gonna transform my life. Not that it did on its own, but that decision was one of those decisions along the way that.
I could go left or I could go right, and I wouldn't be talking to you [00:27:00] maybe if I hadn't bought it in the same way.
Audra Dinell: You know? We're thankful for the sauna.
Josh Luton: I know. Thanks sauna. Yeah. Shout out to the sauna.
Practical Tips for Self-Reflection and Growth
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Audra Dinell: So if someone's listening and they're like, I feel something, there's more for me or there's something different for me.
I'm not living into my full potential or. I'm not living wholeheartedly or I'm not showing up as my authentic self, any of those things. If someone's just like feeling a stirring in their body, what would you say to them?
Josh Luton: Yeah, you're not alone in that. It's okay to be uncomfortable, but I would say that feeling is pointing you somewhere.
Right? So I've talked about the internal questions for all these feelings. You don't have to necessarily know all those internal questions. But get curious about what is this feeling pointing at? Like start to note, I did a diary journal, an energy journal in my phone at some point where after I left something, I would journal whether, or write down whether it felt me energized or whether it drained me.
Right? And it seems like a really simple [00:28:00] practice, but it helped me start to notice in a way that you talked about busyness earlier. We just run from this thing to the next thing to whatever. But if I, if I have to pause after this and go, oh, this really energized me, then it makes me. Step into that and see what I'm feeling and then I pay attention to what's happening in that moment.
So if you're feeling that, find a way that you can do that, whether it's a note in your phone, whether it's a physical journal that you carry around with you, even a voice memo. Like find something to give yourself evidence of, Hey, when I did this thing, it didn't feel good. That goes back to that note I had in my phone of when I drink at night, I don't feel great in the morning.
Right. Because then you can go back and build evidence for, Hey, here's how I'm feeling, here's how I'm not in these situations.
Audra Dinell: They're like little breadcrumbs.
Josh Luton: Yeah.
Audra Dinell: We talked about that on a podcast episode last month. Sometimes we don't leave ourselves breadcrumbs, but what you're talking about is paying attention enough to what's going on in your inner world to leave yourself breadcrumbs.
Mm-hmm. It does not matter where they lead, [00:29:00] trust that they're gonna lead somewhere, but the practice, the actual tactical. Tip would be go slow enough or pay enough attention that you can leave yourself breadcrumbs in some way.
Josh Luton: Yeah, absolutely. Don't feel like you have to do it for your whole life.
Like just do it for today. Like, just say, I'm gonna commit to the rest of today, or maybe don't even do today, tomorrow, or a day that works. Like I'm gonna put reminders in my phone. I'm gonna wake up and I'm gonna do that thing for the day, and I may not get every one, but I'm gonna be intentional and then put a cap on it.
Mm-hmm. And give it a few days. You know, like I feel like we get overwhelmed because we feel like we've gotta track everything for the rest of our lives. And it's like, just do it for a day. Just try it on. Because that leads you to getting honest with yourself. Now, I would say the thing after that is like if you have a friend, a partner, like you know, some kind of community group, like get honest with somebody else too about what you're feeling.
Because when I store it all in my head, like it makes me crazy. You know what I mean? And so there's a, a [00:30:00] quote I saw recently, which is, you don't have to tell everybody everything, but you should tell somebody something.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Josh Luton: You know? And it's just airing that out I think Can. Reflect back to you in a way that maybe you couldn't see again because you're so in it that it's hard to see
Audra Dinell: you're inside the bottle.
Josh Luton: Yes. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Audra Dinell: I think that's what we do a lot in the thread and in any community group that you're a part of. It's just so powerful to be in relationship with someone else on a consistent basis who can. Shift perspective and sort of speak truth and where you can let it out.
Josh Luton: Yeah,
Audra Dinell: because I, now that I am working on becoming slower and being more aligned, sometimes it can be so much in my head.
And so I do have a journaling practice and I've got other ways to get that out. But I find sometimes just the introspection will overwhelm me.
Josh Luton: Yeah.
Audra Dinell: And I'll have to. [00:31:00] Connect with someone, or I've gotta get it out in some way.
Josh Luton: Yeah. Yeah. I think get it out. Absolutely. I mean, community is huge in whatever you're doing, I feel like.
Mm-hmm. The other thing I think is like if you are in your head a lot, and I found myself, I haven't done this recently, but a couple years ago, I would go climb with my daughters at Bliss, the climbing gym, and I notice like when I'm on the wall. I can't be anywhere else spinning outta my thoughts or what I need to do or whatever.
And so it's finding things that for you, gets you into your body and into the moment. That can be really helpful too. So yes, the outlet, and then also we need a break. Sometimes maybe don't choose alcohol or scrolling or whatever, but what's one thing that I can do? Maybe it's meditation, maybe it's a walk that you really notice the sights and sounds and that brings you back.
Just finding those little things too, to like both go outward and then also like. Get back to this moment.
Audra Dinell: Mm. So good.
Living a Regulated and Honest Life
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Audra Dinell: So as we wrap our conversation today, tell me what does a regulated honest life [00:32:00] actually mean to you right now?
Josh Luton: It's a great question. I think to me it means.
Coming back to my body all the time, which feels really boring in a way. I want it to be exciting. I want it to be a sexier answer than that, but it really just means listening into like, what do I want to do right now? That's the biggest change to me in like this new solopreneur entrepreneurship journey, is I get to decide what do I do with my time?
And the task master inside me wants me to just be like, get it all done right now. Don't stop, don't rest, but. Sometimes rest is good and is exactly what I need. And so living a regulated honest life means I need to rest. When I need to rest. Like yesterday, I took a 20 minute like cat nap. I don't know the last time I took a 20 minute nap, but I set a time where I was like, I need to just rest for a minute.
And in that moment, that's what was honest. Another moment it might be pushing through and knocking out a post, you know? But just like in this moment, what do I need? And maybe it's a breath, [00:33:00] maybe it's a walk, maybe it's a nap. I think that's what it looks like and being willing to show up in all the messiness, like the beauty, the pain, the fun, the sadness, the joy, the fear, like being willing to have all those feelings because they're trying to teach us something.
And so the more I can be honest about having those and the more I can talk about it, hopefully the more you feel comfortable feeling your feelings too. That's why I think that sharing is so key, so that honesty with myself and then sharing out loud makes it totally normal.
Audra Dinell: Yeah, because we've normalized hustle culture, we've normalized productivity and efficiency and more, more, more.
But what you just said, I mean, those words could have come out of my mouth because that's exactly what an honest life looks like to me right now too. I was just telling my team this week, you know, it's the first week back of the new year. All the people are following up, and we will release this podcast in February, but we're recording in January.
[00:34:00] And to me, it's just loving myself so well and caring for myself so well that I have enough to pour out to my people and to this work that I love. And that feels revolutionary to me. So even though it might not look as sexy to the world as some of the achievements either one of us have had, it feels just.
Revolutionary to say like, I'm gonna care for myself so well that I give my best to the people in my world and my work. Yeah. Boom.
Josh Luton: Yeah.
Audra Dinell: Done.
Josh Luton: And that's the best you can do.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Josh Luton: Yeah. That's perfect.
Final Thoughts and Resources
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Audra Dinell: Okay, so if our listeners want to connect with you Yeah. Where can they find you?
Josh Luton: Yeah, so if you wanna check out my reading, go over to Substack.
My substack is gone dry, or you can look up Josh Luton. And then my coaching website is joshua luton.com and all my coaching info should be there.
Audra Dinell: Okay, awesome. We'll include those links in the show notes. Thanks for being here, Josh.
Josh Luton: Yeah, thanks for having me out. Congratulations on
Audra Dinell: your journey.
Josh Luton: Yeah, thank you.
[00:35:00] Excited to get going and keep going. Yep.
Audra Dinell: Thank you all for listening. If you enjoyed this podcast or think someone that you love would enjoy it as well, please share this with them. Share on social media and tag me at Audra Danelle and make sure you are subscribed if you wanna hear more conversations like this all year long.