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Speak Friend and Enter is a weekly discussion on all things Lord of the Rings hosted by friends Lydia & Stephanie. Come along with us as we explore the world of Tolkien through deep dives, read-alongs, and laugh-alongs.
Hi there, I'm Stephanie.
And I'm Lydia. Come along with us as we explore and learn about the world of Tolkien through deep dives on lore, characters, beat-a-lons, and laugh-a-lons. We are excited to have you as a new friend on this journey with us. Welcome to Speak Friend and Enter a Lord of the Rings podcast. Hello, hello. Welcome to our epic Kiss, Merry, Kill Lord of the Rings episode. Lord of the Rings edition. Okay, you are going to have to remind me.
I think I have played this game all of once. I made up a list. I have several lists. And I'm fairly certain I know the rules, but if I mess it up, correct me. Yeah, I don't even know. It's very simple. So typically you give three options, right?
And then you have to go through and give your reasoning for who you would kiss, obviously who you would marry, and then who you would kill. Great. So it's really tough because I feel like you're going from like obviously the marry, the love. Kiss, I feel like, is never that difficult.
I'm like, I could kiss a lot of people. The summer flame. And then the kill portion. The kill portion, I feel like.
I came out of the other direction. I was like, I could easily kill all these people. I think I have to marry. Who would I have to marry?
Honestly, that is like a big question for some groups. I'm super excited to hear. So I think what we're going to do is we go back and forth with potential groups that we will pose to the other person.
But I think we should also answer for ourselves as well. You start, Demi and Rihanna. Oh, you want me to start?
Well, I feel like with this game and thinking about Lord of the Rings, I actually started on the more like evil character side. Okay. Yes, I did. Okay. So I put together a list of three. I have Gollum, Denethor and Wormtongue.
We have the same list. I thought who are the worst and most despicable villains? They are like so despicable to me. They're horrible.
And I think we can all agree. They're like all unattractive. They're on deep levels. They're gross looking. They're scary.
They're emotionally not in a great place. So with that being said, who would you... Well, and also I feel like this game, with my answers and my gut reactions, sometimes I'm not proud of some of the gut reactions that I have when I go through these. So it will be funny to kind of... Okay.
I have to clarify one thing because we started off with Gollum and the grossest. The Tiss is non platonic. This is not a forehead kiss. A forehead kiss? No, girl. That is so mean.
Okay. This is lip to lip. But does it include tongue? You are gross. Does it include tongue?
I actually think this is good to clarify. Is this closed lip kiss? Or is this like a make out? I'm kind of leaning towards... Like, does a closed lip kiss... You could like do that with anybody. I think you might need to lean towards... We're going juicy on this kiss. You know what I mean? It's going to be a memory.
This is bad times for me. So all three of these guys are like, nah, nobbra. Obviously.
But I will have to say, there's no place in my world where I can imagine even like, touching Gollum. So he has to die. He has to die.
He could kill Gollum? Oh, actually, I want one more clarification. One more clarification because this is going to really help me in my decisions, I realized. As we're doing this, are we in the middle of the movie timeframe? Or is this like the movie as run its course? Obviously, if people died in the movie, they're still here out. But like the movie is run its course and this is looking forward. Let's fix it at... Oh, that's interesting.
So are we in the middle of the movie or are we movie post? Yeah, because there are some people that I'm like, I can't kill them. They are so important. You can fix it in your mind as this is roughly movie age, but as if the movie weren't happening. If you kill a dead authority, there's no plot consequence. Consequence. Excellent.
Because I was honestly, and this sounds stupid, but I was like... No, that's a good thought. They're so crucial. That is an important aspect.
Let's assume no plot consequence. You happen to run into them on rotation in Rivendell or something like this. Oh my gosh. Can you imagine Rivendell being like the beachfront hotel that has all these stretchy flings?
How would you want? This one is so bad for me. The reason I made this list is because I was hoping you wouldn't have to make me answer it if I got to it first. I think we should both do it.
No, I see that. Gollum has to die. I don't even think I could touch him with my hand. With your hand? I don't think I could do it.
Gollum dies. The rest are really hard here too. Oh man, I would have bad dreams for the rest of my life. Knowing I will need to go to therapy for many moons.
Let's think about it rationally because neither of them are great. What can Wormton give me if I marry him? Do I get land? No.
And that's a good question. There are components of where he is in the movie where I'm like, is he still the King's right hand man? Or is this after he's been kicked out? Maybe we can make up a story here. Yeah. It would be interesting to hear your thought process.
If you're like, man, if he's the King's right hand man I'm totally into that. I'm actually curious about that. This is very hard. The way I'm thinking about it right now is I'm not going to be happy with any of them. If I marry, it has to be for benefit. If I marry Denethor, he's at least crazy enough that I might not have to like maybe we could sleep in separate towers.
Yeah. I do like his status. And then I could be in charge of Gondor and I could be running stuff and like making things safer. If I'm working with Wormton I feel like he's a harder situation because let's say he's teeth-aid and right hand man or basically right hand grupter. So now I am with Wormton let's assume he's madly in love with me because why not? Am I trying to turn him to good? Do I know he's villainous? Probably. He's such a villain. But what are my chances of actually turning him to good?
I'd have a lot more going in and more work there, I think. Also, he has such... I can't. This is your side.
I'll give you my reasoning. I'm very excited. So right now I'm leaning towards Denethor to marry because I'll never have to see him again after the wedding. He'll just be in there with his Palantir and I'll be like... And I will wash my hands of it. That's terrible. And then I have to make out with Wormton for one horrible hour. And I will never recover.
You know, like, half of a lawn it is. Dang girl. Dang. Yeah. Alright, that's me. I have to stick with it. I can't think about this too much longer.
I like your decisions a lot. My one thing I was going to say is Wormton's teeth are so gross. Like, even though I hate that scene where Denethor is eating... Tomatoes? Denethor versus the tomato. His teeth... His teeth are so much better than either of those other options.
Gala or Wormton. Okay. I think I'm going to go bold here. Oh no, Stephanie. You're doing it out yourself.
That's crazy. I don't know if this would work. Honestly, because this is just more of what I am thinking in my head would work. But who knows? Okay.
Hot take. I think I am going to make out with Denethor. He's a terrible person, but... You could suffice. Wormton, I think I'm going to off.
Because you have to free Rohan. He's disgusting teeth. And he's not a great person. But then also, he has an interest in romance.
You know how he was going after EO and was like, cool spring? He wants to get it on. And I don't want to get it on.
So you're saying I may not immerse myself in the words from my make out. I don't know. He just has... He's got no about it. He wants romance in his life. And I just... I couldn't have that with him.
But golem. What is the remaining left? Is marriage left? Marriage is left.
Golem would totally leave me alone. He has no interest in romantic relationships. He's all caught up in fish in the ring. I honestly think if I dragged him into a ceremony and they're like, okay, fine, your husband and wife, I think he'd leave me the second after. He would have no emotional tie to me. And would just go live his wandering, weird life.
And so I would be free. And so I would be like a raw fish. He could have a trail of raw fish leading out of the room. And he would just leave and follow them. He would just leave. He's not that I could gather.
I was not getting any romantic interest. I think you're right. That's kind of where I was going. Dennythal was with him being distracted.
I think he would abandon me. And that's great. So that's my hot take there. I liked that.
I like that. You have to get close enough to Wormton to stab him though, right? Wait, I have to kill him?
That makes sense. No, this is Tis, Mary and Murder. Actually, I think Wormton, I probably go poison. I'm not a knife girl. Okay, I like that.
Yeah, maybe we could caveat this with how you would kill them off. I know, honestly. Because Golomb would be tough, actually.
He's strong. Denethor, I would just take a walk. Nice romantic walk if I had to kill him. Oh, I said I was going to kill Golomb. If I had to kill Denethor, I think it would be really easy to shove him off the tower of Ekphelion.
Yeah, I think that could work. I also think he has a bunch of bodyguards. That would be tough. But they all know he's mad, so I just like get in with the bodyguards. If I have to kill Golomb, that is tricky. He's strong. He's weirdly skinny strong. I think I go full Cinderella, evil stepmother, or not Cinderella, who am I thinking of?
Snow White? And I send a hunter to go kill Golomb. And after that hunter gets ret, I send another one.
So I just send a set of stream of assassins until it works. Oh my gosh, girl. For a while. Yeah, I like that. Okay, yeah, I love it. I think both of them make sense. I'm weirded out at myself that I'm thinking of marrying Golomb. But it's with the thought process. You're watching this drawn.
I think it's with the thought process of his character of like, I don't think he'd be into it and I think he'd just leave and go live his weird wandering life. I support that. You ready for one? You go now. This category I'm calling slightly too old for you.
Ooh, okay. So our contenders are Thayden, Tina Rohan. Thayden's good. Gandalf, very old.
Okay, you know I have a saucepan for Gandalf. And Elrond, also very old. They all look like they all have different ages but they all just look a little bit too old.
Those are your candidates. Oh my gosh. I don't know what's wrong with me. They all seem like such mature.
I don't know. I like these men. I'm not mad at these pop shits. Well, you should be mad because you have to kill one of them and now we've decided you have to tell us how you'll kill one. And now we have to actually talk about if we could do it, which is hard. Okay, well you know I love Gandalf. I know. I think he's like my favorite character.
My one... Oh man, I actually thought about this as I was putting this together, which is kind of embarrassing. I freaking love Gandalf. I think he's such an amazing character. My one worry if I were to marry him is I don't know if he'd be around. Kind of the thing that made me love being married to Gallim is the thing that makes me sad about Gandalf. He's like Gandalf the Grey, the Wanderer, the Pilgrim. He's got... He's saving Middle Earth. He's got stuff to do. And so I'm like, I don't know. I think when I go on his travels with him that sounds kind of exhausting. But is he going to be around or not? Oh no.
They didn't... I like a lot. But he doesn't necessarily have the same wisdom to me as obviously our Gandalf. He just seems like a normal man. I could see him getting angry or like, I don't know, getting hungry. He was hungry. He seems like a typical dude.
And then Elrond, super wise, but he seems so aloof. It kind of weirds me out. I don't know if I could ever have a comfy relationship. There's one moment in the movie that I thought was a really soft moment for him where he says, do you not love your father too? Very good. So he's got a softy, soft underbelly that you never see. He does have a soft underbelly, but he just... He has a judgy look.
He does seem like the kind of person who would sit at brunch with you and judge everyone else. But I would get to live in Rivendale. I haven't really considered that. And there's no plot consequences. No plot consequences currently. But when you kill them, you do have to consider their general skills.
Their strength. You know what my gut said, which I feel like when I'm thinking about it is wrong, but I don't have a lot of love for Elrond. Honestly, he's fine. He does a couple of things that are important for the plot where he's encouraging to and sends elves to help him encourage his Aragorn to pursue his kingship.
There's a couple of key things. And he's lived a long life already, right? He's made it go. But I don't really like you that much. You're just so, so in terms of character. But I do love his house. But I think my gut is I would kill Elrond.
Do you have yourself in the world? Even though his house and his... That would be good. That would be real good.
Even though his house and his wardrobe I think would be bomb. So maybe that's the wrong decision. But that's what my gut would say. I would kill Elrond and then that just... You've stayed in Gandalf for Kiss and Berry. And I was really worried about Gandalf being gone all the time. But I feel like my love for him as a character is so strong that I think if he decided to marry him, I think he'd actually be a really considerate husband. So I'm going to go with Mary Gandalf, which is surprising no one because I already have a crush.
And then I am going to kiss Thayden. Very good. Yes. Okay. This one... This is not too hard for me. I feel confident about my choices here.
Yeah. I love Thayden. Thayden is my favorite character. And especially in the end when he's all reformed and is like... He's really come a long ways. So I've got to marry Thayden, which is not such a hard life, right?
I can see you rocking that queen shit. Yeah. You did to have horses. You did it to time. You're now in the golden age of Rohan, right? Yeah.
So I think that's a strong option. Gandalf is just way too old for me. He's got a lot of gray beard. He's got a big beard. His beard is too long. I have to kill him.
No. We're going to straight up kill my favorite character. My husband? I'm going to kill him.
The question is how do I do it? His fireworks. Well, my thought is I could do it a couple different ways. I could... Oh, sabotage a firework. That's hilarious. I could drop a note somewhere that says the last five of the Balrog are here. Oh my gosh.
No. And send him into a trap. Or when he's taking off for the gray havens, I could... I don't know, like, pan him fire on his ship. You're a wild.
You're a wild. He's the hardest one to kill. He's literally already died once. So, yeah, I think this is a dangerous decision, but I think I can do it.
That's crazy. And then I think on a vacation to Rivendell I have a summer fling with Elrond. Actually, I feel like Elrond could be a really good kiss. Exactly. He's been around a long time. He better have it figured out by now.
Actually, you're right. Experience helps. That's so funny. That cracks me up. I love all of the reasoning.
I don't know how I would kill Elrond. He's, like, so old. I know.
I'm just a... I really feel like you have to pan and fire his ship out to the gray havens. Maybe. You gotta sink it.
I'm not a very, like, upfront with conflict kind of person. So I think that's why poison just comes to mind. So he's slowly from... But I could put poison in salad. Or... What could I do? Salad?
He only eats salad. I guess that's what I was thinking. I love that assumption.
And it's definitely how I would see it too. They have salad in the hobbit. What else could I do? I don't want it to be painful for him. That's true. You want him to go out easy.
I want it to be pretty quick and easy. Maybe I just, like, I don't know, something with an arrow? A really well-placed arrow? Oh, he's out hunting away from everyone?
I don't know. I feel like he could probably come back for an arrow. But poison, I'm sticking with it. Okay. Very good. All right, give me your next one. Okay. My next one. All right. So this one, I kind of had the most grody, I would say, people that I could think of.
Oh, no. I already did that. I already did those.
I already did those with you. You're like, what grody people? But then my second list was I was trying to think about the characters that people swoon over the most. And think that are, like, really high husband material.
Right? And so this isn't all of them, but I feel like the top three that I hear people kind of, like, really loving in terms of romantic relationships are Aragorn. No surprise. I put Faramir on here because I feel like there's a strong subset of women that are like, Faramir is amazing. Yeah, and are like really into him because he has that quote about, like, manly strength and, like, going to war because of what you love to protect. And then my last one that I think a lot of people think is husband material is Sam.
Really? Like, people love how he's like, Rosie Cotton is my my love. So this is the husband material category.
Yes, this is husband material. These guys are, like, amazing. They're always going to be there for you. They're going to make you feel loved.
All that good stuff. So out of those three, Aragorn, Faramir and Sam, who do you kiss? Who do you marry? Who do you kill? All right, I'm going to be super biased here. Oh, okay.
Go. I think Sam is not my favorite. A lot of people love Sam, but I could see that. Yeah, Sam is too soft.
Sam is not a baddie. Yeah. There's a scene. Do you remember that scene when the ward... She's so hardcore though. I know it's true, but like... Yeah. You're like, it's not the vibe. It's not the baddie vibe.
Yeah, exactly. So that scene where when the wargs are attacking and the music is playing and Aragorn is turning his horse around to get one last look at Aragorn and he's like, peek every time. And you're like, Aragorn, why are you doing this? Why are you making her fall more in love with you? You're horrible.
But you're like, oh, it's really nice. So I would vote Aragorn for a couple reasons. For marrying.
For that reason, plus you did Gondor, plus you did all the other countries that fall under him once he unifies everyone. Yeah. I love this. This power.
And this shame. So I picked Aragorn for that. And he's like really awesome. I really enjoy his character. I think I kill Sam and I kiss Faramir. Wow. And I guess I kiss Faramir while we're all healing from our wounds in the house of healing. Exactly, exactly. After the battle, I love it. Whenever our cots are right, that's to each other.
Ooh, I love it. I did A-Win show up and I'm like, no, go to her. She's yours. Oh my gosh. This was just a dream and whatever that you said. See whatever Aragorn says to anyone.
It was but a dream. But then I had to kill Sam and Sam does not deserve death. He does it. We have to wait until he's old and then like two minutes before he dies of natural death, we kill him off. Oh my gosh, I love that. And we kill him off. I have to kill you.
But they didn't say when. So I think we kill him off in a very soft way. Maybe by like he has a wife, he has kids. I just got a wife and kids but maybe we can sneak in like a poisonous flower that will like emit one single puff of poison. See I told you it's not confrontation, poison is the way to go. Yeah but also he loves flowers so he'd be like wow, a flower don't go and then he would die and then we remove the flower and it kills no one else.
That's deep. So he dies happy. I could see him going for like and getting pricked by a thorn almost like sleeping beauty bags. I like that, yeah. But like he's got to be old and ancient by that by that point. And then you put the thistle in his garden. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how Sam does.
That's pretty good. I mean, no surprise you say the heartthrobs. Yeah, you got to out yourself as a fair mirror fangirl. I love fair mirror. What's funny though is I feel like I'm very stereotypical. I would marry Aragorn. Yeah.
I really like him. The movies actually I don't think do fair mirror justice. And so even though I think he's like a character, like the movies make him more gray and less noble. Much more complicated. Yeah, then he actually was in the books. And so that doesn't make me love him that much more.
I think they could have. But Aragorn, I would marry. I think I would kill fair mirror.
No. He just honestly the movies make him for me seem kind of mid. Like he's definitely I like how they portrayed him with a little bit of gray because technically Boramir went through the same decision, right?
Of like, do I go for this ring or not? And they're showing this thematic reasons. Yeah, they're showing it be difficult for fair mirror in the movies. Yeah. And it wasn't difficult in the books.
And so there is some kind of like beauty to the struggle there. But I just I don't know. He seems kind of mid to me.
So death to fair mirror. I'll probably do it like when he's out doing his scouting. Oh, nice accidental. To the heart. Yeah. Like he falls off of some.
Somebody's boar spear. Exactly. Like something very quick. Very quick on the scouting trip. And then Sam, I would kiss Sam. Just because he's sweet. And I like him. And he's the hero of the whole story pretty much.
Pretty much. I'll agree with you there. Okay.
I love it. I have another category here. What do you got for me?
What do you got? I'm calling these these stunningly awesome beautifulls. Oh, I love your category names.
Okay, give it to me. So number one, Arwen. Stunly, awesome and beautiful. Lattiless. Yes. Oh, like a loss.
Yeah. And gladrile. They're all just like gorgeous. They are stunningly gorgeous.
Oh, man. You know what's funny is like, I think Arwen is genuinely one of my favorite female characters in Pandacy. Like she seems so deep to me. But I really love Arwen. And I think a lot of people don't necessarily share that same love because she doesn't have a ton of arc in the book. There's so much path, though. So like I feel like there's a lot of pathos in her choice to give up infertility for Eric Lorne and her choice to hope for the future. Like I also had that same feel for her. Yeah, I don't know what it is. It's like an emotion there.
So I would Wait, I just want to add one thing. There's one moment that I feel like is really tender is in the movies when she's hiding behind the little curtain, the banner. Yeah, Eric Lorne pulls it to one side and she looks afraid of what he might think. And I just like she like kind of bow. She kind of bows her head.
Yeah, it's just like, oh, it's so good. Like that she was nervous. This idea that she was nervous.
Really cute. Yeah, because he tells her he's like, you should go off with your people. Right.
So she's nervous to see him again. And it's really, really nice. So good. I feel for her. I don't know. Okay, so that being said, I really like her and I would probably marry her.
Nice. But then the follow up is who do you kiss? Galadriel or Legolas and that is hard.
Both stunning. I feel like Legolas. I just get the sense like he'd be really good at it. I just think he's made out before. He knows what he's doing with the cashier. He's really practiced. Yeah, I feel like he would be a really good make out sesh.
Galadriel is just so elegant. Yeah. You know what I mean? And so like I feel like if you'd kiss her, you'd be like, oh my gosh, I just kissed Galadriel.
You know what I mean? Like you would be like, wow, that was like almost an ethereal. So it would be little more than a press at the lips and you'd be changed forever. And you'd be like kind of like gimly stunned. You know what I mean?
Like when he used to sew an admiration of Galadriel. I think that's completely fair. She would probably hold her hand and you would think you had kissed her. And you would never know that you had it.
Yeah, exactly. Like your memory would just be like she kissed me. You know what I mean? Whereas with Legolas, I think it'd be like, wow, that was a good make out.
You know what I mean? So it's like different feelings of the make out. That being said, I feel badly, but I think I would lean Legolas for the make out. And even though it would be an ethereal experience to kiss Galadriel, I think she is my kill. She has to go.
How do you do it? Oh man, I liked the idea because she's sleeping already. Maybe we do something with the boat. The cannon seems violent. Did you maybe just like trigger some kind of small bomb in the hole? A bomb?
One of the bombs from like the ice and guards. I was thinking you just like, well, it's slow. I was going to say, she just like tip over, tip over on the boat.
You could tell by the storm. But I don't think that's the fastest way to go. Anyways, I think it would do something like on her way out. Okay. So you kill Galadriel, kiss Legolas? Kiss Legolas. Mary Arwen.
Okay, I'm really excited to hear yours. Okay, so I think that I would marry Arwen. She's just soft and approachable and like... She has that sweet devotion to that we were talking about.
Exactly. And so I just don't see a time where I would marry Galadriel. And if I marry Legolas, I have to go live in the Merckwood Forest. And I'm not sure I love that. So I'm pretty sure we marry Arwen because then you get to have Gondor and all the other countries that are surrounding. I guess I'm just really into Gondor.
Honestly, I love the step beyond. You know what I mean? Like picturing your life together is important.
Yeah, I think so. So now this part I'm really torn about. Like do I...
I'm worried that if I kissed Galadriel, my brain will be rewired and I'll never love Arwen again. Right? Oh my gosh. That's so funny. Like I worry, yeah, on the level of Thingol getting insourced and sourced.
Can we also talk a little bit about groatiness? I think Galadriel is technically Arwen's grandma. Oh really? Nice.
So there's like a whole bunch of a Game of Thrones action going on here. These circles are too concentric. They're too tight. So yeah, marry Arwen and I think I have to kill Galadriel not because I wouldn't want it.
Really? But because if I did have it, she just... She could be any member of there. She just like wiped my brain.
Yeah, pretty much. I would never love anyone else again. And so I can't just have a kiss, you know? But I also couldn't imagine marrying her.
So... Yeah. Yeah, she's just a little bit too elvish. Arwen is like much more approachable. So we have to kill Galadriel and then I guess Ledalus remains.
And I feel like the way to do that is like at the victory party for Helmsdeep. Oh my gosh. People just had like quick showers and... I could... Oh quick shower. I was gonna say they're probably groaty but they're very excited.
Maybe bathed by the rain but like on the ramparts. Nice. Oh my goodness.
Okay, well I love this. This is our first time. I think we match up. That we agreed. That we match up and that's no hate against Galadriel.
It's true. It's almost like she's so ethereal. She's too beautiful. It's almost too much. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I think for Galadriel if I had to kill her what I would do is I would like recruit Ungoliant to come in. Oh my gosh. And take her out.
Freaking Ungoliant. How are you gonna get all these assassins? I don't know. You put them on the dark web or something.
The dark web of Lord of the Rings. Oh my gosh. That's the only way I see her getting got. Also I feel like your ways are very violent. I feel like we could go with a more soft approach. Yeah but here's the other thing. Like when you kill her off with Ungoliant you can be like okay you give her a good story to go out on.
So Ungoliant kills her but maybe she kills Ungoliant too and then she lives in fame and infamy forever. Oh I do love that. Give them that chance of some glory.
There's glory. I do like that. I like that. I like that. Okay going out in the fight. Alright.
Do you have one more? Is it me? Oh yeah. Girl I have less for days. Don't you worry.
Give me that. My... Alright so this one is kind of funny because I actually... I was trying to fit four in here so it's a little bit of a funnicky. But this one is titled Hobbits. Okay.
I was also thinking about Hobbits and I realized there were four and I thought oh no. I know. Okay so this is my proposal though. Yeah.
Okay. So we have Frodo. We have Sam. But then my proposal is that Mary and Pipin come as a package deal. What? So like you get to kiss them both or you have to kill them both or you are a threple.
Great. Cause they honestly, let's be real. They come together in the movies. It's true. It's true. Like it's hard to say. They both have independent personalities but they're basically not the best selves when they're together. Yeah exactly.
Okay this is tough. Mary, Pipin and then Sam and Frodo. Yes.
The four. Okay. Well, let me turn it off for a minute. So I think, I don't know if this is like controversial but I actually like Frodo. You know I think a lot of people really bash on him. Yeah.
I actually like Frodo quite a bit. Like yes. Yeah.
He's me. I just, it's very admirable. So I like to, I can't speak. I just like his character art a lot. So he goes from very like responsible, general good guy, very naive. Yeah. Cause he volunteers for the ring really not knowing what he's doing.
Yeah. And the ring almost tricked him a little bit, right? Cause they were talking about like not tricked him but he feels drawn to it a little bit.
Yeah. I think it's got some hold on him even from the beginning. And like there is that moment in Elrond's council where like, you know, you see Frodo volunteer and then you see Dandle's reaction to it and it's like very pained and it's just oh, it's a beautiful moment. So we see him going from that to like this really horrible suffering arc.
Yeah. And he really struggles. And then at the end you think he's going to win out and then he fails. Yeah.
And I think there are a lot of people who bash on him for failing but I looked at that and I think, well, yeah, I would fail too. For sure. Yeah. Like we're all human. I would have failed way earlier. Oh yeah.
So I don't know. I liked Frodo a lot. I guess I looked at him. There's two angels.
So I'm thinking of marrying him. I think one angel is I did bad ends. Oh, I freaking love that.
I know, right? I can get on board with that. So I did bad end and then two, there's some element of he's broken. I can fix him. I know I can't but like I'll give him a good go.
He has a thoughtfulness to him. Yeah. And like you would read books together and stuff like that.
I could get along with Frodo really well. Some depth. I appreciate that. And there's some element of oh, he's a wounded theme. Let's fix him. And I looked at that and be like, he's too wounded for me but let's make, let's enter palliative care until he goes off to the Great Havens.
Palatine care. And then, you know, I honestly didn't think I would either go with him to the Great Havens or I would stay in bad end and ship him out. I like both options. Yeah, I think both options are really strong. I like the bag end better, I think, actually.
Yeah. So I marry Frodo. I feel like we would get along and like the benefits are there. I appreciate that.
Yep. I have to kill Sam for a reason stated above. Oh my gosh, you're so, you're so against Sam. He's just a sweet guy. I know. I guess I don't like him.
That's weird. And then I will feel like a total slut but I will briefly make out with Mary and Pippin. Honestly, I feel like they would be fun to make out with.
Oh my gosh. Like, there's especially their dual personalities together. Like Mary's a little bit more serious than Pippin is. I could get on with Mary.
Pippin is like too much for me but like. I feel like them, I don't know, they're just coming back from this. They're feeling triumphant.
Yes. Or before they take off, they're just wild. They're stealing like, you know, like, I'm not sure.
carrots from Farmer Mag and spill. I just feel like that kind of energy, that would be really good for a make out. So I agree with you. I think I would probably make out with Mary and Pippin. But then I think I would marry Sam. Nice.
And I would off-road him. Just like, because you're not getting better anyways, might as well kill you. I don't know. You're depressed all the time. Yeah, I think honestly, a little bit is his personality where I'm like, you just feel somber to me. And I just don't necessarily know if that's the vibe that I would want in a long-term relationship. Something that it's kind of, I don't know, depending on how long you were saying to the Greyhavens, I think we could get along.
For long enough. But I don't necessarily know if it would be like, wow, I love spending time with you. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's fair. So I think Sam, I would be like, you're so nice and you're so fun.
I know. So I think that's what I would do. But I don't know, Frodo's so great. I think Bag End, I like Bag End idea. So I think I would like secretly have Sam get Bag End in the will. And therefore you would benefit in all angles. He just serves it.
He just serves Bag End. I think I'm also a little bit biased for Frodo because I really like his coloring. Like I really like the dark curls with the bright eyes. His eyes are stunning. That's the one thing like, Elijah would just look so eye drawing as that character. Like he stands out on the screen.
You definitely think that he's going through something. Oh yeah. So I do love that. But yeah, we would do something real chill.
We would do something real chill. Like maybe even at Bag End. Yeah, at Bag End, poison in like this delicious feast.
Yeah, the cupcake. Yeah, perfect. Something. Yeah. Or like an always magic reaction.
This is so good. Oh yeah. Honestly, like I think it goes to my like non confrontation. Like, and I don't like confrontation.
It's so it's very like sneaky. Because it feels like I don't have to have that like rush of anger and like get into battle. You know what I mean? There's no passion here. It's just planning.
No passion, just planning. So yeah. Okay, I love it.
The hobbits are done. What you got? I have what I am tentatively calling the Tier 2 men. Oh, Tier 2. Okay, got this.
So not the main ones, but the secondaries. So here we have Boromir. Yes, okay, Boromir.
Classic. Aomir. Aomir.
Oh, he's a good, okay. And Halldeer. Halldeer is the elf that brings. Yeah, he's the elf that brings all the Riffindale.
I know. He brings all the Riffindale ones to help sleep. And then he dies in the movie.
Actually, Tratchit. I cry when Halldeer dies. It's like almost every time. It's so sad because he's like there, like we're here to fight with men. And then he freaking gives up his elvish mortality. Yeah. That battle.
It's really good. So those are my proposed candidates. Oh, that's hard. That's really hard.
You know, it's tough because I feel like when I was a kid, Boromir just felt like a big let down. Like, you were just so annoying. You know what I mean? Like you just aren't seeing the big picture.
Yes. But he has such a Tratchit backstory when you really get into it. And when you see like that one scene where I think it's called like Sons of the Steward, like in the extended edition where it's like Denethor shows up after their battle and you see that Boromir was afraid to go. He didn't want to go. He knew what would happen, but he has to go anyways.
And all his worst nightmares come true. Like, it's very tragic. It's hard. It's hard. And I think also as an adult thinking through it and being like having, coming from a kingdom that's dying. Right?
And it's kind of like your dad and your blood line that's supposed to be responsible for this land and this people that are failing. Yeah. And you have this opportunity. And you feel like that load is on your shoulders. And you feel that load on your shoulders. Yeah.
And you're looking for ways that you could potentially make a difference. He's a really compelling character to me. And then at the end, he recognizes. He recognizes he said that I did wrong, right? Like I went after Frodo and I shouldn't have.
And it just breaks my heart. So all of that to say, I used to think I have so much more empathy and like resonate with who he is as a person. Because I think we all make mistakes. We all feel pressure and we think that maybe we're trying to do something noble and then look back and think, man, I could have done. But I don't know. I just I really admire him.
That being said, does he make it onto my list? So they're going to do this. He's dying anyways. He's dying. But that's probably one of the most heart wrenching parts of the trilogy. Sob like a baby every time. Yeah.
It's pathetic. Well, and it's so wild to me that everyone's dying in the first movie. Like Tolkien has no people talk about like people are trying to protect their characters. I feel like Tolkien is like, you're dead and you're dead. Yeah. Gandalf comes back, but like Gandalf dies, Boromir dies. Like we're just hot.
Heavy hitters. Oh man, Haldir is so handsome. I would say, because he's the character that I'm probably least connected to, except I appreciate his sacrifice.
I would probably make out with how, oh actually, oh, because Aomir is handsome. But I will say he strikes me as a little cocky. Yeah. Aomir does. He has a little bit of a toad, an attitude. And so even though I like his confidence, I think actually Aomir would be my make out. Okay. And then Haldir, he's not dying.
We're just talking about normal life. Haldir would take me back to, where is he from? Gladrile, Rivendale? Where is he? I believe he's from Rivendale because Elrond sends him, right? Yeah, I think so.
Or, no, because he talks to Elrond's talking to Gladrile and Gladrile says, if we don't help, who will? I'm gonna find out where he's from real fast. Hang tight. I can't remember.
But I think. He's from Lestlorian. I was Ron. He's from Gladrile.
Yeah. Because Gladrile's like, if we don't do something, who will do something? Yeah, to talk, to talk. And she's kind of talking to Elrond in their minds. But, so I think I was. I was interpreting that as Rivendale having sent people. I don't know why I thought that. Well, because Elrond is in the conversation.
He's like having this. I just assumed that the conversation was Elrond saying, you're right, I'll send somebody. Yeah. But did they meet? Maybe it's because they met Haldir in, did we meet Haldir in Rivendale when we first saw him? So maybe he was visiting. It's like, but Legolas sees him and hugs him.
Okay. And so we get the impression that it's like, I thought that was that. No, I thought that was at Helm's Deep. All right, says, when the Fellowship of the Ring arrived in Lorient, Haldir became their guide to the Caras Galadon. Oh.
So we definitely see him in La Florian. Okay, cool. But I just conflated it with Rivendale, which is fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah, both beautiful places.
Yeah. Oh my gosh, La Florian is beautiful. It's so pretty.
The staircases around the trees. I would marry Haldir. I really like him. Like, he's handsome. He seems sweet.
Obviously he sacrifices his life for the greater good. Like, I'm, I think he has a cool house. I like him. I would kiss Aomir. He's just a little too prideful for me.
And then Boromir, as much as I think, like, I resonate with his story. He's just got a lot going on. He has a lot of baggage.
He has, you know, the ring, his dad, the weight of this. He doesn't, you know, didn't necessarily make all the wisest decisions. And so I think as much as he is an amazing guy, and I would love to see him have a second chance at life, his martyrdom story is pretty epic. So I think we keep him, we keep him dead.
I like you better dead. It's pretty epic. You have to admit, he makes a good martyr. Yeah, it's good. OK, how about you? For me, we know very little about, little about Haldir. Yeah, we know very little. But he looks really good to me. So since he's vetted by Ledilis and Eridorn, I think, I'm going to marry Haldir.
And then I did deliver off Lorian. No way. Yes, we could, we're on the same wavelength. That's wild, because we don't know anything about Haldir. Yeah, we know nothing, but I did divide from him.
I'm thinking, yeah, we can have a nice little tree house. We can see him all the time. I don't know, I just think I really like him. I'm a little bit torn on Amir and Boromir. Amir is like, yeah, pretty hot stuff.
Boromir is pretty hot stuff. He just has a two to me. Yeah, Amir does say some rude things sometimes. So, but my main problem with Amir is that if I have to hang out with Amir, then I'll see Thayden and I'll be like, what? There's an improvement over there. And so I think I have to, I think I have to kill Arimer, which will be easy to do.
We arrange a year-old tirade. Yeah, he's already out on the field. He's out on the field all the time, not a problem. Not a problem. Yeah.
All right, Boromir, we have to kiss probably in the two seconds. He's happy after the victory at Australia. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I don't think he's ever felt joy in any other part of his life. Honestly, that makes me really happy picturing another another life for him where he's alive and gets to make out with you. That sounds perfect.
Yeah, so I think that's my main thing right now. I love it. I love it. I agree. Honestly, I should have given Boromir a second chance and killed Amir.
Do we need him? Anyways, I love that. I think that's the right call. OK, let's see. Oh, is it my turn?
It's your turn. Oh, OK, so I'm trying to think at this point, what we go with my. OK, so I started getting into rather than specific people, I started getting into like more like types of characters.
OK, that makes sense. Arch types, then. So archetypes or like different, different.
I don't know how to describe different types of characters. So I have two versions of these. One is more on the like weird creature side.
Oh, no, not the creatures. OK, so we're going to go. We are going to go and. Oh, we're going to go orc. Oh, or those weird ghost men that come to the rescue. Oh, oh, man.
I am rendered speechless by these choices. Yes. So we're going with kind of like these weird out there character. Can you even touch the orc?
Men are not the orc men, the the ghost men. Do you have to literally be holding your gun sword? That's what I was going to say. If you're the heir of Elendil, shut up. Let's go to Eric orn and say, yo, I need a make out. Can I borrow your sword for like half an hour, please?
I don't know. Eric orn gives you like a drop of his blood or something. And there can be physical contact.
Nice, gross. OK. OK, so it's and or and and or ghost ghost men. Men. All right.
I'm just going straight out here. There is no world where I can touch an orc like none. What? Zero.
Zero. Some of those orc I'm like, I don't know. You're kind of ripped. Oh, my gosh.
Have you seen their faces? Are you just putting a paper bag over it and going to town? Are you just saying, keep the helmet on.
I like it better that way. Oh, no. No, they. Oh, no. Yeah.
In no world. They do need the tender touch of a woman, but not mine. That kills me. That kills me.
OK, OK. The orc has to die also easily done. We ran out their position to any elf. OK. Now all the orcs are dead. Bless up. OK. Now I have to choose between ants and docemen. This is rough.
OK. Let me think a little bit harder here. OK, I think I married the ant because the ants are missing their and wise. And there's something poetic about that. And I also feel like celibate marriages exist.
This is OK. Oh, my gosh. Do you think that? No, because that's the thing, though. I look at that and I think they want. They want children.
They want new ones. Oh, shoot. OK. Well, they're going to be very disappointed. OK, sorry. This is my own bias thinking.
I just need to let you tell me you think through this, you think through this and then I'll tell you what I. So I think the ants will be very disappointed. There will be no children's because not only are we incompatible, but I'm actually a very bad gardener. So even little trees and things around me would not stay alive. OK, I still. Yeah, I've got the anti-green thumb. So that'll be rough.
And I guess I have to make out with one of the docemen, but I'm going to pick the one that has the most of his face left. They're kind of skeletal. Yeah. Oh, these these are tough. This is OK. Mucho hard.
I know I was trying to I was going for random, like what was remaining? Yeah. OK, the thing is the ants are sweet. Yes. And the other guys, like the ghost guys are actually neutral, I feel like, because they did come to the aid.
Sure. But they're kind of like also not that interested in helping people. And then the orcs are ripped, but they do have like the problem of they have other flaws tend to eat people and be kind of violent. So. That's where you're going with this. OK, so, man, what would I do?
What would I do? Is it orc or iraqai? Because those are different to my mind. Yeah, I kind of was including both in that category. OK, very good. Yeah.
Like you can go for orc and go for iraqai, whatever. I'll let your boat. Floats, no boats for me. Or no boat. Boat is sinking. Boat is sinking on water. There's no boat. OK, I. This boat is not making it to the Great Havoc.
I'm not making it. OK, this is going to be kind of weird. I mean, that I think goes that I think goes along with goes along with like my Oji reasoning before. So I think.
But what if their character is crappy? OK, my my original thought was make out with an aunt. I'm genuinely curious what that was like. But also like, I don't know if I could be married to them. They seem like I feel like they would want kids, but also they take so long to talk.
Here's another angle on the end that just occurred to me. You could marry them and then go off and live your life. And when you get back, they'd be like, oh, I thought you were in the garden. Like they wouldn't even miss you.
That's true. Actually, that's very strong, because this was my thing with the ghost men. Is like I could marry one and I guess it's technically we could technically we could touch because of the airgorn blood gift.
But I just feel like they would just float there like you can really do anything. You know what I mean? So that's what I was thinking, like Mary, maybe one of the ghosts men. And who knows, one of them might be nice and they might be like a nice conversationalist, which I feel like the ends just are not kind of boring. Yeah. And then probably I think even though they're ripped, I think you had a strong component of I don't think their characters in the right place.
I think they'd be very violent. So we're getting rid of the word. Good. I was worried for you. I was getting real worried. I was thinking maybe a make out with an orc. I honestly was. But I think I couldn't kill an end because they're already in a dangerous. I respect your daring, but I'm glad you're killing them instead. I just feel I feel like very confused by this category.
I feel like the ghost man probably is the right choice. I don't know. I know. And so it was marry the end or no, it's just the end. Kill the orc married the ghost man. Kill the orc married the ghost man.
Awesome. With the hope that there wouldn't be a lot of contact. Contact. And maybe there would be good conversation. OK, that was kind of the thought process. OK, very good. All right, I've got one for you.
I'm calling this the big bads. Oh, Melkor. Freakin Melkor. Yeah, freaking Melkor. Mayeron and Smoud.
Mayeron is I think Sauron's previous name. Nice. Yeah. So Melkor, Sauron and Smog.
Oh, my gosh. Smog. This is tricky.
Tricky, tricky, tricky. OK, the thing about Smog, because I am drawn to him, he's a dragon and I do like dragons. Yes. And I feel like he has, I don't know, he's evil, but he's evil in ways that I can understand. Like, like he's great at eating. He likes his gold.
He's comprehensible. Yeah. You know what I mean? Compared to like some of the evil like Melkor and Sauron, like they have such high ambition to rule the world that they're willing to do some pretty despicable. I don't know.
Dragons, I guess, kill people for gold. But I like feel like I can wrap my head around grade more, you know? But then OK, so this is the thing. If he married me and I became like one of his treasures, I could actually see him treating me really well. Uh-huh. And he was like, oh, she's part of my hoard. Slightly too possessive, but you're into it. So it's fine.
The problem is possessiveness. Like I would be like, I want to go for a walk, Smog. You'd be like, no, you got to stay in the.
You got to stay in the car. And it'd be like, I want to see the sun, Smog. And he'd be like, no, you can't go anywhere. So that's the thing. Whereas like, I feel like he would like treasure you, but you wouldn't be able to go anywhere. You'd be stuck in that cabin. So I don't like that, even though I do like Smog.
So I think no for Smog. How do you even make out with that? Those teeth? So are you killing him?
I think we need to know. I don't really can't kill Smog. I love Smog. So I'm going to make out with Smog. I'm going to make out with him. Just get really intimate with one of his nostrils. Yeah.
Or I think this is what I was picturing. Physicality, like whatever physicality you need to be a good partner for these people. Yes. So that's what we're picturing you will have. I guess, I guess picturing that's what you're going to have in this situation. Awesome. Now, but then that means I have to be with one of the other two bodies and they have like much worse morals. Yes, go on.
Go on, Stephanie. Dig yourself deeper into this hole. It's a hole. OK, so possessiveness might not be the worst thing, but I don't I want to see the sun. I don't want to be stuck in the cavern.
So I just make out with Smog. I kill Morgoth because he's the king of all baddies. And I feel like you get rid of him. You get rid of a lot of evil in the world. But then I feel like that means I'm stuck with the big bad eyeball.
So you're killing Morgoth because you're married to Sarron and you're you're removing the big bad number one. So that's our on to rise in the ranks. Maybe. But this is also the thing, depending on the phase of Soran, he could be in his stunningly beautiful. I'm a gift sent from the gods phase, not matter that. Or he could be in his eyeball.
Body. And so I'm also fine with that because then I'm just living my life. You know what I mean? And he might be like, I'm watching you, but I feel like I could live my life and I could go for a walk at least. But then. It would be a problem if he was in his like, I'm a baddie destroying the world phase and I have a body that would be like when I would feel most guilty and like we would not lead but heads the most. So I think that's the the phase I don't want to be married to him in.
But any of those other two phases, I could see being more pleasant. OK, perfect. Yeah. All right. So I'm with you on Meltor.
I kill off Meltor. OK. Because he's got like. Yeah, he's just like evil and powerful. I know a lot of depth there.
Yeah. But the thing is, he's just like, I think I would like him if he was like early phase and I was like one of his legion or something. I'd be like his favorite ball rod or something.
I don't know. Oh my gosh, he's like a boss and employee. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So I feel like I could get into that. But yeah.
Nice. But the problem is that like, I feel like he quickly devolves into like utter like the lowest of the lows and like almost an incomprehensible tothulu type of evil like so evil. You can't even comprehend. I mean, has Sauron even made any evil creatures? I feel like Meltor was the one who made the ball. I don't know if he's been able to create anything that that Melkor has. Yeah, I mean, he made the rings, but those are they have a beauty of their own. It's not like it's not like Sauron's making orcs. I just Sauromon is the next one to make our next newest breed. So yeah, I feel like Melkor is definitely in the till zone.
So we tell him. No, OK, OK, deal. I feel like I marry Smog for a couple of reasons. You marry Smog. Yes. Tell me.
Because I think you're right. He is I think he's a comprehensible level of evil, one that you can work with, one that you can work around. I feel like I can resonate with that. Yeah, resonate with. Yeah. Also, he's like a level of evil that can be tilled. And so when the doors come in and kill him, this is great.
I now have all of Smog's treasure and maybe 10 years of happiness and a vitamin D deficiency. We don't know. So if I show him the difference. So like I feel like Smog is workable. I also really like dragons. And I think he'd be like a fantastic conversation. So like I think he would tell stories. He's he's witty and very witty. Like I think it would be genuinely enjoyable.
Self-absorbed, though. He might tell you all the stories about him. But like we'd be there for years because he's been around so long. So like there'd be new stories every day.
That would be through the dark days without Son. I love that. And then I feel like I have to make out with Sauron and his I'm very beautiful. Prince of Dis. In his beautiful face.
I was like, how do you make out with an eyeball? And I think I'm leaning towards his early days when he's being altruistic. And I would for sure be. That would be nice.
I would for sure be one of those people he got altruistic with and I'd be wearing one of his dumb rings. And yeah, I fall for it. Right off. Wild. Wild. I mean, I can't I can't be like, oh, my gosh, that's wild. Because I literally said I would marry him, which is insane. But yeah, I like both of our choices, actually.
I feel like they make a lot of sense. Is this strong? All right, I have one more. Do you have one more? I have one more as well. I have one more as well. OK. And this one is very general.
But this is breaking out. So we love Tolkien's world because there's a compilation of characters and creatures and all kinds of stuff. If we were to break out so there was no overlap in worlds, elves and their elvish worlds, men and like the Rohan, Gondor worlds and then hobbits in the Shire.
And which would you go and they were all separate worlds and you couldn't, you know, overlap or go visit. Are you an elf if you're in the Elven Wars or are you a human? You're just a human in all contexts. I was picturing me like me as I currently am. OK. But we could tweak that. No, I think that's the right way to do it.
If you were to marry someone from one of those regions and live your life there. Yeah. Right.
What what race region would you pick? Yeah, OK. This is tricky. It's hard. And I think there's a couple of reasons for it being tricky. There's a lot of like I'm not going to remember the word for this. It's there's a lot of potential for cultural mismatch. And there's another word for this. It's like a homesickness, I guess. Yeah.
So like I can see that. I went to China a long time ago, right? We go to China and I'm thinking this is great. I'm ready to eat all the local food or rather, I'm doing all the local food that has pictures and is named Kampau. But at about like day four or five, I was real sick of having noodles for breakfast. Like it was really really tough. Food.
Yeah. It was and I never felt that before because all my previous trips had been Europe where you're just like, this is my cuisine. This is close to my culture. Slightly different. Everything is very close. Yeah.
So my first experience with like traveling and having that kind of homesickness was China. And I feel like the elves would produce that kind of cultural mismatch. Honestly, I also thought about that. It's tricky. Yeah, it's tricky because I love the elves. Like I love their architecture. I love the beauty.
I love everything about it. I just would worry that like the tail end of that period would be like, you just feel you're missing something homey. And I don't know if. Yeah, I just don't know if the integration would go well. I want to believe it would be because if I was wondering about something similar, I was like, would that be too? I want to believe I would be able to fit it in because like legit, if I had millions of millions right now, I would build Rivendell.
But but that's something I would worry because even if it was less than the buildings, like even if like, you know, the buildings and the food were all wonderful. It's like the people, the people are so different from you. I was just going to say that where I was like, you know, I think the visuals, even. OK, this is something I thought about earlier. It's kind of like living in a spa.
Yeah. Where it just feels like everything is calm. They're obviously they're dealing with real life problems. Like they have this big war and everything going on. But it's like everyone speaks at a lower decibel and they have this like, I don't know.
Yeah. And I feel like there's probably going to be like some disrespect because you're just like this little firefly. This little what are those bugs that go out? Is it fire that go out? Yeah, like the ones with the very short life spans.
Is it fireflies? Anyways, you just have such a small lifespan in comparison to you. So I could see them like unintentionally, like really talking down to you.
And you're like, after 100 years living here, this is really getting old. Gotcha. Gotcha. So and that that is with the proposition that we are what we are. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Living in this place.
Right now, I say no to the elves. OK, I know it's bold because they're so beautiful, but it's like, yeah. OK, yeah.
I'm really torn between the Hobbit, Tin and like the realms of men. And I think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really torn. I think I lean towards I think I lean towards the realms of men, right? So let's say I have to go live in Hobbit land. Who am I going to marry? They're all four feet tall. OK, you find a good a good partner.
You find a good partner in every one of these scenarios. Four foot, maybe less. I don't think I could do it, Stephanie. So oh, my gosh, I live in the realms of men, but I live like wherever the head I want there and it's dope as head. Probably the Tower of Exfolio. I'm like, wait. It's a darn door. Yeah, luxurious situation. OK, OK, I get it. Yeah, what about you?
Honestly, this surprised me because it was kind of tricky. I had the same thought as you where I was like, I love the Elvish realms. But like I said, it feels like I'd be living in a spa. I feel like there would be, I don't know, which is beautiful, but it just feels different than it feels different. It doesn't feel as emotional. It feels like I don't know. It just feels like there would be something missing from how I grew up, kind of like you were saying, like my experience day to day. But then I'm like, man, so I would pick basically like medieval man, the villages of men and medieval times like heck no. Like I don't know. Luxury remember.
Man, I don't know. I was like, I can't literally pick what I am today, but a couple hundred years earlier. Like I was like, that seems wild. But then the Shire, Shire for some reason, takes like that medieval sensibility and makes it seem cozier. So there's like more food. I feel like there's people like really good neighbors.
It doesn't seem to have to build your own house because we'll be tall enough. Oh my gosh. Well, no, that's what my sweet partner will do. I find a good one like Sam. Who will build it for me.
Yes, exactly. So I just feel like the Hobbit House, the problem is, OK, my real thing is toilets. Wherever there are toilets, I think is where I would want to go. So I respect that. I'm so so I'm torn, actually, because I was originally going to say, I think the Shire. But now you're thinking if anyone has a big deal.
I think it's. I think Riverdale has toilets and I just I just don't think I could go in a bucket. I just I can't.
Yeah, I was. As much as I love the coziness of the Shire, I think and even though that like living in the Elvish realm forever seems like it could be a little cold, a little loose. I think I would get over it. Yeah, you did over real quick every day when you have to go to the outhouse. Exactly.
Exactly. So I choose now to believe because I didn't think about toilets and I should have. I choose now to believe that I could engineer one, though I have no mechanical sense at all.
No, you totally could. Like if you're bringing your talents, you're so good. Yo, guys, we have this new invention. We must all use it. I know we're great in pipes.
We're doing stuff. Honestly, I think you would actually get really into that. If you were like, OK, let's improve this.
I actually do daydream about that sometimes. Modern sensibilities. What if I had to go back to Middle-Evil times? Do I even know how to build a whip mill? I bet I think hard. I know, like, anyway, so yeah, that's that's basically my decision came down to toilets. But yes, living with the Elvish. That is a completely respectable criteria.
OK, my last one is the girls. So we got to pull in a win who we have not discussed. Oh, I love her. So it's Aowyn versus Arwen versus Deladriel. Unless there's a girl I'm forgetting, but I feel like I really like Deladriel.
So I always serve her in. You know, the main ones in LOTR. Yeah, because I feel like there's more in some girls. I would have added Luthien, but like we don't know her. We don't know anything about her yet. We don't know her very well.
Maybe later. Man, we talked about our love for Arwen. Aowyn is just like a bad A. So I feel like I would be inspired by her. Do I feel like I would get along with her based off of her character in the question movies? She seems epic. I'm a little more like. I don't know if shy is the right word, but I'm a little more diminutive, I think, than her personality is.
So I don't know. I think she would. I think we would get along, but I'm leaning more towards. I think I would get along with Arwen better in terms of personality. OK.
So I'm holding strong to my marrying Arwen. But then this is the thing we talked so much about what it would be like to make out with collateral that now I'm kind of curious. I'm kind of curious. You're like, please, we're wearing my brain. I'm into it. Let's go. I'm kind of curious now.
I want an ethereal experience like we said it would be. I picked Legolas over her, but I don't know if I would pick A-Win over her. So I think I'm going to make out with Galadriel and kill A-Win.
Very sad. Which I don't know how that's going to happen because she's a bad A. But yes, I think that's what I would do.
OK. This one was kind of tough for me because I really like A-Win. I really like Arwen. I really like Galadriel.
Arwen, I think, is still my favorite, though. And I think it's a little bit of the coloring though, because like it's the dark hair with like the very sharp eyes. Like I just really liked that.
It's very eye catching. Yeah. Same reason Frodo goes up, you know? Yeah, I know.
We said that for Frodo. Yeah, let's see. So I marry Arwen and I rule over the realms of men.
And then let's see. Yeah, this Galadriel one is also hard. I still would worry about her rewiring my brain. I think that it's interesting where you're like, I don't want to be bewitched. Yeah, I feel like she would totally bewitch me. So I have to kill her again.
OK, deal. A-Win lives on having had a wonderful time with me briefly. I love that.
I love that good make out session, and then she's on her way. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that Galadriel, if she weren't so fricking sterile, she'd be allowed to live more often. She's a little intimidating, but this is the thing. I feel like Legolas, I was like, OK, he would be a really good make out. So I think I have to say yes to him.
But Galadriel is fascinating to me. I'm just genuinely curious what the experience would feel like at the end. Well, you wouldn't know because you'd be a different person on the other side of it. There we go. There we go.
I'd be bewitched. OK. All right. That was my fullest deal. I love this. OK. That was fun.
That was fun. I'm trying to think. Is there any other character commentary you wanted to add on to this? No, I think, yeah, I really feel like those the villain ones just really gave me a nasty like visual reaction. Not like, so long at Melchord. They were fine. I'm just imagining them in their pretty forms. But that first one was very hard.
I know it was so hard. Or the ghosts in the orcs. I feel like that was random. OK, I love it. Well, thank you so much for joining us and we'll talk next time. All right. Ciao. Bye. You You You You