Why You Shouldn’t Eliminate Negative Emotions

“Dr. Nima, we walk on eggshells with each other.
I am so sensitive to the slightest upset that when he is in a bad mood,

I don’t know how to fix it.
I constantly feel like a failure in this relationship.

Can you help?”

I just received this email from a subscriber,

and it hit on one of the root causes of most toxic, insecure relationship patterns:

Self-invalidation.

If you grew up with well-meaning but trauma-uninformed parents,

you probably experienced a stark difference in how your emotions were met.

When you were happy or “positive,” you were met with openness,

but emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, or grief?

Not so much.

Think back:
Were you held, validated, and understood during your darker moments?
Did your parents guide you through these feelings and teach you how to co-regulate?

If you’re like most people in our cyclebreaker community,

even if you’ve done plenty of therapy and personal development,

there’s often one recurring theme:

You’ve been conditioned to push away negative emotions—

to “clear” or eliminate them, much like how your parents reacted to them.

This leads to rumination and self-doubt, an unconscious attempt to regulate the emotional alarm within you.

But labeling these emotions as “negative” causes you to defend against,

dismiss, or avoid the most tender parts of yourself.

And the more you avoid those parts,

the more your relationships begin to mirror that avoidance.

Partners stop making the effort to understand you.
You feel alone, even in long-term relationships.
Your feelings are constantly dismissed.
Partners get defensive when you try to share your experience.
You find your reality invalidated over and over again.
The truth is, the outside world reflects what’s happening inside.

Here’s the kicker: Until you change how you relate to your own emotions,

there’s no way a relationship can feel nourishing.

True intimacy remains out of reach.

Anxiety becomes the norm.

Repair doesn’t feel like it ever really happens.

But here’s the good news: None of this is your fault.

This emotional avoidance is cultural conditioning.

We’ve been taught to pathologize “negative” emotions,

leading us to abandon our natural responses to them.

This is how sadness, grief, and fear turn into anxiety and depression.

You’re not broken—you’ve just been conditioned to believe you are.

And that conditioning serves one purpose: to sell you pills.

But there’s a better way, and it will liberate you.

This is a clip from a recent Overview Experience, 

we dive into this blind spot (among others) at the heart of every relationship dysfunction. 

And after uncovering it, we practice the somatic and cognitive skills that break this cycle once and for all.

When you master this, you experience a profound freedom. 

Someone else’s disapproval no longer causes you to crumble. 

Instead of walking on eggshells, you learn to co-regulate with your partner.

The best part-- You pass this on to your kids.

You teach them how to navigate life’s inevitable truths:

They will learn how to grieve—but they’ll grieve well.
They’ll get angry—but they’ll move through it because you won’t make their anger wrong.
They’ll feel sadness and fear—but it won’t become anxiety or depression.
This is emotional literacy, a skill that can’t be taught in a therapist’s office, 

but rather through practice—expanding your capacity to sit with emotions in a safe container.

The result-- Inner peace, calm, and stillness. 

No more wasted energy on avoiding or negating your emotional experience.

This relationship with your own emotions is THE hidden relationship dynamic that, 

when mastered, makes intimacy accessible, makes you a secure partner, and turns you into a rockstar friend, parent, and leader.

And the chill vibes you create-- They spill over to everyone around you.

Because this self-invalidation is part of your conditioning…

To heal— the real question becomes all about your WILLINGNESS 

to get uncomfortable in order to get that sense of freedom. 

No more sensitivity or avoidance to run the show.
Imagine that.

Your wingman on the adventure,

Nima
(I stand for healed families)

P.S. If you’re reading this and your relationship anxiety has been less than magnetic—
if you’ve tried therapy or personal development but still feel stuck—I invite you to share your story with me. 
Let me know what you’ve tried so far and what blind spots you think might be holding you back. 
If you’ve been successful at work but challenged in the relationship department 
and you’re ready to see those blind spots and finally move forward, 
ask for my calendar link as I’m opening some spots this week for the true
seeker who’s genuine, curious, willing to hear the truth, and willing to take action.
I’d love to support you on this journey. Give me your back story and finish with
“Nima can I get some help with my blind spots? Send me your private calendar link”. 
If I think I can help after reading it— and there are spaces open, I’ll send it over.
Thank you for your feedback and questions that help inform how I can serve better.

What is Trigger Proof Transmissions (Cyclebreaker Collective)?

Welcome to the TriggerProof podcast.
This is the first season of the Podcast which are audio renditions of
Facebook Live Video Transmissions done for the “TriggerProof” Facebook Community.
These were set up by request of our community members who wanted an opportunity to listen
to insights, tools, and strategies to help heal relationship dynamics, deepen intimacy,
and master the fine art of Autonomic Nervous System Regulation so that we can build resilience,
heal from the past, and become active operators of our mind, body, and life.

This first season wasn’t designed to be a podcast, so you’ll notice the audio isn’t
Professional Studio Quality (like it is on season 2 as we’ve upgraded incrementally).

These trainings are designed to introduce and deepen you to the most critical 2 skills we’ve never been taught:
1) The skill and practice of taking our triggers (Nervous System Activations) and turning them into deeper safety and self-love,
2) The skill and practice of taking conflict (that happens in any relationship) and turning them into deeper intimacy between the parties involved.

Not learning these two critical skills at this time in history costs us dearly: Physical and Mental health is on the DECLINE.
Doing this deep level of healing work can break the cycle of Intergenerational Trauma that didn’t start with you.

It didn’t start with you, but it can end with you,
#Cyclebreaker.
______________________________________________________________________
Join my Facebook Group to help you understand yourself, control your triggers, regulate your nervous system and know what's keeping you stuck in these times of crisis:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/triggerproof

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so the first thing I'm going to kind of give you as a gift for all of those who are here for the very first time is all of your feelings are appropriate what we're here to do is to not eliminate sadness and fear but it's to increase our capacity to feel it let me say that again because this is the distinction between this work and any other therapy that you've ever done we're not here to eliminate negative emotions you are here some of you for the very first time just dipping your toe into the pool to see is this some sort of a cult or you know you're here to expand your capacity to fully feel Embrace metabolize and alchemize all of your feelings Alchemy is turning lead into gold and healing requires Alchemy whereas most healing paths before I started to do this work which involves the somatics was really about gaslighting a big part of my my fear my sadness my self-doubt was all unacceptable and I'm here to get rid of it and hear me now and believe me later you're not here to get rid of it because it's a part of you you're here to expand Your Capacity to hold and receive it the greater Your Capacity to hold and contain your shame

greater your direction in life

[Music] thank you [Music]