Title: Preview Episode - A Taste of What's to Come!

 

Dating over 40 isn’t what it used to be, it’s raw, real, and often ridiculous. In this special preview episode, hosts Andrew Small and Tracy Malone sit down with guest Sharon to introduce Over 40s Dating: Real and Unfiltered, a bold new podcast about love, loss, healing and hope in the modern dating world. 

 

Whether you’re newly single, divorced, or just sick of dating apps, this episode gives you a genuine taste of what’s to come: community, stories, hard truths and lots of laughs. 

 

In this preview episode, we chat about: 

• Why healing before dating is essential and what that actually looks like 
• The red, green, and yellow flags to watch for in midlife dating 
• What women wish men knew about dating safety and emotional readiness 
• Why dating apps can both connect and confuse and how to navigate them smarter 
• How community, real conversations, and shared experiences can shift your dating life 

 

This is your space to feel seen, supported and maybe even entertained as hell. 

Subscribe for more unfiltered dating truths and don’t forget to share this episode with someone who needs it. 

What is Over 40s Dating: Real & Unfiltered?

Over 40s Dating: Real & Unfiltered is the no-BS podcast for grown-up singles who are done with the games and ready for real connection.

Hosted by Andrew Small and Tracy Malone, this show dives into the wild, wonderful, and sometimes WTF world of dating over 40. Whether you’re newly single, divorced, or just sick of swiping, you’ll get honest conversations, expert tips, and hilarious real-life stories that prove love doesn’t have an expiration date.

Each week, we cover the topics most people are too shy to talk about, from dating apps and ghosting, to intimacy, confidence, and starting over.

Expect real talk, fun vibes, and zero filters.

🎙️ What you’ll hear:

Dating app dos and don’ts (especially post-40)
How to rebuild confidence after divorce or heartbreak
The truth about sex, attraction, and chemistry in midlife
Dating red flags, green flags, and everything in between
Juicy stories from guests and listeners who’ve been there

Subscribe now and join a growing community of over-40s who are keeping it real and refusing to settle.

 

Hey guys, welcome to the over 40s dating Podcast Australia, uh, real and unfiltered. I'd like to welcome my co-host, Tracy.

Thanks for having me here. How

exciting.

Yeah, it is. And our guest today in the studio is Sharon.

Thank you. I'm also excited to be here today.

Welcome. So guys, just want to tell you a bit about what the podcast is about.

It's a fun podcast, uh, meant to be relatable, uh, full of resources. Uh, we'll get some professionals coming in and sharing their experience. We'll get some guests coming in and sharing their dating stories, of course. And, um, the whole thing is meant to be, you know, just fun, uh, resourceful and. Um, the hope that you can find love again.

So, um, before I go ahead, we will introduce our, um, co-host Tracy to let her tell us a bit about herself.

My name's Tracy, if you haven't got that already. Um, I'm 50 years old and I'm single, and I've been single for about six years now. And I'm a single mom and, um, majority carer of my son. And I really wanted to do this podcast when Andrew put it up because I think we need community.

I think we need more information and I think more than anything we need to find our place of belonging in this world of over dating over 40. You know, I'm, I'm hitting 50 perimenopausal women. Things change and we need to talk about this and we need to get it out into the world. So I'm really happy to be here and be able to provide some information, some resources, some laughs and a sense of community and belonging.

'cause we are all in this together.

Perfect. Um, a bit about me. So I came up with the podcast idea. I've been dating for four and a half years, so I've been separated five and a half years and divorced four and a half. And the dating scene's been a minefield. I'm still single. Um, I mean, joined my life as such, but still, you know, looking for my person.

And I approached Tracy and ran the idea past her, and she liked it. And, um, so yeah, like I said, I'm 54, uh, three kids. I look after my kids 50% of the time. And here we are. And I'll put over to Sharon now.

Yeah. Thank you. Um, uh. I'm super keen to be here because I'm 53 in the single game and it's another ball game at the age of 53, I think.

I love how you hit Oppos and women. That's just another thing. Um, I have a different angle. I have had, um, breast cancer. I've recovered from that. I had, um, 11 operations. I was diagnosed eight days after my sister, she was pregnant at the same time as I was pregnant, and I was able to have my baby at, um, seven months.

So they brought him on early. My sister, because she was only three months pregnant, had to. Keep on. Um, the problem is, is we don't actually have the BRCA gene. We're just one in a million. Uh, long story short, she has since died from breast cancer and I've taken on her daughter with my children being a single mom.

So I now have five children. The oldest three are self-sufficient, so that has helped heaps, but I've still got the younger ones and there's, there's a lot in the game of recovering and, um, it has played a big part in my journey and also why I ended up here. Yeah.

Thanks Sharon. Um, yeah, so Sharon and I met a couple years ago and I think she was very fresh on the dating scene and yeah, just listening to her story, well just then and two years ago, it's very different and I suppose, yeah, you will hear more Sharon's story in a later episode where we will talk about, I think it's grieving and a bit of that as well.

That's a

lot. So did the breast cancer come

after? Separating. No, it came before separating and it just, a lot happened in that process obviously, and it just got too much on the relationship as well. Yeah, so it played a massive, so

dealt with all of that all at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Look at you women.

Women, amazing. Many Cool too. Yeah. So this

episode's the teaser episode, so we are gonna cover a bit of everything. So, uh, let's get into it. So we'll start off with healing before dating. Oof. Going over to you,

how important is that? So I always say when you leave a relationship, you've gotta give it 12 months.

And I've said that not just because we are over 40, but even in my twenties I used to say that, because you've gotta get over your firsts. You've got

agree.

Yeah. When, yeah. When you've been, um, married or in a, um, serious de facto relationship, you've got to get through. Child, children, you've gotta look after your children and you've gotta support them through the process because they're number one.

And it's a massive event. Trauma for a child, for children to divorce. Mm-hmm. And I knew that when I was stepping into it, what I was doing to my child. So there was all of that that had to go along with it. Then you've gotta get through. Parenting agreements, then you've gotta get through mediation, and then you've gotta get through your own grief.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm. So

you're moving, your entire life is changing. You're meant to grieve, you're meant to still look after your children. You've gotta navigate perimenopause where your brain does weird things and you forget things all the time. And then you've gotta get through every first anniversary. Yes. So you've gotta do all the firsts.

Firsts. And it's really hard like saying, oh, I was married for seven years, 10 years, 20 years, and I broke up and I'm fine Now. It's like, oh God, how? That's not even possible.

Yeah,

because breakups are big. They're a big deal. Yeah. Yeah.

Totally agree. Look, I, for me, 12 months you said it as well. I was married 15 years.

And I didn't date for about 12 months after I separated. So I went to a psychologist, uh, did probably I think about four or five sessions.

Yeah, did

some marriage counseling so we could be better partners for our next partner. I suppose it was about the kids as well, you know, just making sure that they settled, um, working the whole new arrangement out and everything.

Yeah. And I suppose, Sharon, your story's probably different to ours, so how was it for you? Like,

I never actually had the chance. I think I actually never took that chance to do the, I did life coaching. That was one of the best things I could ever done. Time one therapy, that sort of thing. But apart from that.

I had children who were traumatized. Um, my little niece saw her mommy die. My son had abandonment issues, all sorts of things. So because you are so busy as a single parent, throwing yourself into your children, yeah, that's your path. And then you become that last bit. And that's where I went wrong. And when you say that year for me, it took a couple to actually, finally, it's taken two.

Actually, yep. Well have to heal your body

literally at the same time as moving. Well, that on top of Yeah. All of the things. Yeah. As well. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Massive. And you talked about life coaching, which is great. There are people who do divorce coaching and they are amazing because what they do is they help you navigate the entire experience instead of if you just go and get a lawyer.

The first family lawyer I went and saw, she said, I only do amicable if you're here to fight, I can't do it. And I said, well, okay. And she said, um, because just know the entire legal system, the family law system, this is not coming from me. This is coming directly from a family lawyer. She said, it's there to make lawyers money, and that's it.

There you go. It's not actually there. It doesn't support the children. It doesn't help you. It doesn't actually really mediate. The longer it goes on, the bigger it gets. So the lawyers go in with this thing of fight. And so she lost her own passion for all of that. And she said, I will sit across the table with two people amicably and I'll work out what's going on, but I won't do the rest because of that.

And so divorce coaches, life coaches, therapists, they can help you navigate. The big picture of everything. Yeah. Yeah. But if you just get a lawyer, the chances of you being amicable and not going into fight is very low to zero. It's not realistic, is it? Yeah. It's not realistic at all. So getting yourself support, resources, resources, resources in any way that you can.

Yeah.

Yeah. Look, I went through the whole, uh, lawyer thing as well, and it is draining. You know, it's on the kids, uh, on people around you as well. You just. You're taking a lot in, a lot's happening. Your life's adjusting. Yeah. You're trying to get to this Yeah. Place where, you know, you, you're blocking everything out as a man.

Yeah.

I suppose. Yeah. For me, it was just a whole new journey that's, see, it's blocking

everything out. Yeah. I was,

I was trying to like You are rebuilding. Yeah. You, yeah.

So many women put themselves in this situation where they're not in control of their finances and they don't understand their finances, and then they're shoved into this world of mediation.

Yep.

And you're signing papers and have you even read them yet? Mm-hmm. Do you even know what the process is? I had to ask so many questions. Wow. And I actually help and support clients 'cause they naturally, it's, I don't advertise it, but they naturally come to me because they can must feel in the zeitgeist that I've been through it and I said, this is what's gonna happen next.

This is what mediation looks like. This is what this looks like, and this next process looks like this. So my lawyers didn't even tell me. I'm like, what just happens in mediation? Are we in the same room? Are we in different rooms? Like they did not prepare me because for them, wow, it's every day and they're just doing it all the time.

And for me, it's my first time. So there's this real disconnect, and that's where resources really help. So lean into people who have done it before. Wow.

Yeah,

yeah,

yeah. Like for me, it was just. I suppose it was draining. Yes. 'cause I just wanted it to be over and you know, there was the settlement of the house.

Yeah. Uh, we had an agreement with the kids and everything. Mm-hmm. As a man, I think I had the experience of knowing what to do. I did my research as well. Spoke to a couple of lawyers, couple of friends. Yeah. But it was. It a simple process for me. Really? Yeah. Not, I, I, I never knew that women could go through that, so.

Yeah. Oh,

it's, it's massive. It's massive. Wow. Because if you are not the breadwinner Yeah. In the family, then you are literally walking into space of lack of security. Lack of safety and how do I now be the primary carer for the children? This is most women, um, primary carer for the children and breadwinner.

How do I actually do that? Yeah. And the amount of women that get, um, undervalued through the mediation process and walk away with barely anything and start again to have the process over. Is very, very high. Yeah.

Wow. That's what I

did. I stepped back early health reasons. I couldn't go through the stress.

Yeah, yeah. Nor did I have the energy to do it, so I just, I did. I'm exactly that person. Yeah. Stereotyped. Yeah. Yeah.

And women do, it's me all the time. Yeah. And that's why, what was really interesting, so I would have done the same thing.

Mm-hmm.

Somehow the universe looked after me and every person I caught up with when I was on the.

When I was gearing up to leave, I knew I was going to leave and I knew I was building the energy to leave every person that I caught up with, which were people that maybe was for a business thing or a networking thing, or, oh, let's go have a coffee. Every one of them had been through what I'd been through.

Wow. Yep. And they were more than a year out and they said the same thing to me. Mm-hmm. The first year is the hardest year of your life.

It was,

yep. You're gonna go through hell and it's worth it.

Okay. So,

and that's what kept me going. Yeah. Yep.

Yep. So, moving on, you've done the healing, you, you know, you are all fixed now you're ready to go out.

Red flags, green flags, yellow you mentioned. Yeah. And some bei ones as well.

Well, are you ready to date? How do you know that you're ready? Date again? Is it just the first year's gone past or is it just getting in there and seeing if you're ready or not?

Well, from a guy's perspective, right. It was my first time on a dating app ever.

So I went on eHarmony and, uh, I even chose another name. I, I, I don't think I was that creative alias I made Andy, which is short for Andrew. And, uh, I just thought, geez, it was daunting. But, you know, I put my photos out there.

Yeah.

And uh, my first date was. Very, like we, we still good friends today and I think she understood where I was coming from and we had lunch and she was, you know, it was, she was rubbing my leg under the table and she was obviously in the game.

And, um, but for me it was just. Yeah, like I kept looking around. Is someone gonna see me? You know, that one

really, it was happening on this podcast. I will not be rubbing your leg up the table. That's like red flag.

Red

flag. Uh, but look, so yeah. Any red flags for you? Like you, you've been dating for a while now.

Yeah,

so when I first entered the dating scene, it was really interesting because I got in there and then I asked myself, why am I doing this? What do I actually wanna get out of this? And when I was really, really honest, really, really honest, 'cause it was like, yeah, of course I'm ready to meet someone. And then it's like, oh no, this is revenge.

I just want revenge right now. And so that's where I was like, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. So I've dipped in and out and before I dip in, I really ask myself, what do I want? Why am I doing this? What do I want? Yes. And now I'm at the place because I've dipped in and out. And when it starts feeling like it's taking over my life, the apps take over my life.

I get off. Yep.

Yeah. I'm like, oh, I'm

becoming a little bit obsessed now. Now I'm not the person I wanna be. This is taking too much time. Now I'll dip out.

So you're still on and off the apps? Yeah, I'm still on and off the apps. Okay.

But the thing now is that when I go on the apps, I know that I'm looking for someone to make my life better.

Because life's great. Yeah. I'm like, life's amazing. Yeah. Who cares if I meet someone on an app? Who cares if people answer me or not? I don't care if nobody sends me anything. I'm here to see if it's the time yet. Yeah. And if it is the time, all the steps will happen. And so it's a full, fully different thing to, I need to find a person and I need to go on the app and I need to get through a hundred dates before I'll find the one that's not me.

I don't have the time for that. Yeah.

Okay. Nice. Now, you mentioned to me yellow flags. Mm. Do you wanna explain or touch on that?

I think it's, it's one thing for us to all jump and say, oh, there's a red flag. Like that's an obvious, uh, or green flag. Or actually you learn what your obvious is or your green flags.

Yep.

But the yellow flags, I tend to step into a lot where you ignore that tiny little niggling, you know, it's there, but it's fine. I'll just ignore that. It's good everyone does that. Yeah, but you shouldn't anymore, anymore. You've gotta listen to your gut. You've gotta listen to your gut because women

intuition is right.

Every single time.

Right. So it's, it's just a, it's a hard world.

Okay. This dating

thing, it's not easy. Yeah,

well, I've seen them all. I mean like red, green, black. Yeah. Everything for me, red flag is speed. My

biggest red flag is mm-hmm. There's two big red flags that I have, um, that I see all the time. So that speed.

Can we meet, can we meet in person? Can we do it now I'm like. I, no, um, is the, just no, because it's too soon. I don't care how nice you are. I don't care how much we look like we are matched on an app, no, we're gonna talk to each other and we're gonna understand that because speed is the red flag that I found.

Wow. Um,

and the other one, the one that gets my goat up is if somebody puts the way you can impress me is that's my biggest red flag. One. I'm like,

but women do that as well. Men, men and women. Yeah.

It goes, this is not, yeah, this is not gender specific. Women are trying to, if women's rubbing your leg under the table, you'd be like, run, run.

I thought that was the norm. You were enjoying

it. There is the difference between men and women, so, yeah. Well, she was doing it though, so yeah, for me that's a massive red flag. And the other one is if, if. So you are telling me that my job is to impress you Now that's so, that's my other big one. I'm like, oh, red flag.

There we go. See you. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. And I like red flags. Yeah. I love seeing red flags. 'cause it tells me that no, you're not it. Great. Move on. Yeah. So

looking into the whole yellow flag thing. Mm-hmm. I know that there's some words or something that men say that makes women think, oh, yellow flag. No.

What's yours, Sharon?

Sharon?

Oh, I would have to, it, it, I have to be in the moment and then I, I pick it up. Um, yeah. 'cause it's all, it's individualized

Yes.

For me. Like, we might be talking and then all of a sudden you say something, I might not feel super uncomfortable, but it's pricked my attention.

Yep.

Okay. And,

and then from there I'm like, okay, I need to watch this. So, yeah. For example, what you just said, you need to impress me. If you had said that to me, I'd think Mm,

yeah.

All right. There's, there's a slight yellow flag. Um, if you came straight in and started talking about finances.

Yep.

For me, that's a bit of a.

Well, actually that's a red flag, but even if you were just gently bringing up Oh, okay. So yeah, it's when it starts to prick my attention, there's my yellow flag. Yeah. Yeah. And another

yellow flag would be if you start talking about your last relationship, that's yellow flag for me, because it's like, hold on.

Have they let go? Yeah. You're about to tell me a lot about yourself, about how you speak about your ex. And how long are you gonna speak about your ex for? Wow. Are they in the room with us now? Are they taking up the chair? And you can't actually see me because they're there. So they're the things that massive, you kind of look at massive, how they speak about it.

That's when it becomes yellow and it's like, all right, flags waving. Let's see what color it turns.

Cool. And everything's very negative if it's, if it's straightaway negative. Hello?

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So dating apps,

do we have to come

on?

Seriously? Everyone's on there.

Everyone. I'm not,

most people are.

Yeah, I'm on one.

Not now.

You're probably one of many thousands. Yeah. Yeah. I, yeah.

I don't think everyone's on there. Take a pick, isn't it? It is. It is the thing that they say we need yet. Does anyone actually love it?

No one loves it. Yeah. I speak to men and women and I think there's frustration from both sides. Yeah. A lot of people jump on and off.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's a money making machine personally. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It absolutely is. And everyone has the right to make money.

Yeah.

So it's like, of course you're not gonna put an app out there and not try to make money off it. 'cause everyone deserves to make money off it. And the thing that's really interesting to me and the thing that I'm really interested to explore, to explore on this podcast further is can we change the game?

I think so. Does that need be the game? Well, can we change the game? That

was one of the things we mentioned if, if we could change people's behaviors.

Yeah.

Get them to understand how men and women behave on dating apps. Yeah, I think. It could go a long way.

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Definitely.

Because there's this whole perception between men and women about Yeah.

You know, what's he doing? What's she doing? Yeah. Why are they doing this?

Absolutely.

Yeah. And I think if we get those perspectives, bring them out here and get viewers involved as well. Ask them a question like, and the absolute

things we love to hate, but. It's one tool and one possibility, and it's not everything.

Yeah. And so that's what I'm really looking to explore is that we can take the pressure off the apps as well to be the thing. But I've seen in a profile, some guys say, um, just know that if this works out, we're telling PE our children we met on a street corner. That's, that's right. That's stigma. Ever gonna say that We met on the apps.

Yeah. Yeah. Well

look, you and I met on a dating app two we years ago. We did, yeah. And you know you weren't ready. We never met actually. We just spoke on the phone. Yeah. And but it's led to a good friendship and Yeah. Led to you being here now. So yeah. They are the goods. Good and bads, I suppose. Absolutely.

That's definitely, yeah. And

that's I think how we can really help. Yeah. To just to go, who cares if you don't find your person on there? What if you just meet some great people? Yeah, exactly. And have great conversations. Instead of being the one at the dinner table, being the single person amongst all the married people, you've got someone and you can go, Hey, can you come to this with me?

Exactly. Definitely. Hey, can you join me on this? Hey, there's this other single thing.

Yeah. I think you've gotta be open to friendship. Yeah. On, on the apps. I think everyone just goes, they find wanting to find their person, but it, it just doesn't happen. And they, that's red flag. This whole explanation flag.

It's a red flag. It's a red

flag, don't you think?

I think,

yeah. Yeah.

That expectation of the app is the, the app is responsible for delivering me my person. Yeah. That's a lot of power to the app, isn't it?

Yeah. Profiles. Now I see a lot of women with, uh, titties hanging out and stuff like, jeez, do you not like that?

Well,

no. Who doesn't like

that for a guy? Are you telling me you didn't go in there and click and start having a look at all of yours?

No, I, I don't, I think it's, it's very like, it's like an object in, in a way. A woman puts herself out there as an object on. Okay,

so let me ask you, I think it cheapens

the brand.

Yep. Good

question. I haven't come across you on the apps.

Yep.

Do you have a photo with your shirt off on your,

on your one at the beach? Yeah, but that's normal for a guy, isn, isn't it?

Every woman rolls her eyes around.

But then what about the girl with the, the boobs out? She'd be on the beach too. Now she.

No, not really. It's the shots that you see on there is like, you know, and they stuff.

Do you know, I've been to the beach and there are plenty of

people

with shirts

on,

but as women, if I saw your profile now, I can't remember what it was two years ago, but I dunno if you had it off the shirt. I probably Exactly eye roll and thought, oh, you're, you're one of them.

And that's me categorizing. Yeah. But that's, if I've seen that, I will probably think, oh, you're a bit up yourself. You're probably out for a bit of a play. I'm not interested. It

was a day at the beach with kids and stuff, so.

Yeah, you,

I just thought, sure.

I don't say that into account though.

Okay. Alright.

I'll, that's

not where women are coming from, from there. Okay. And so when I see, so what I see, when I see men with shirts off, I don't see long-term monogamous relationship. Yes. It does not say that to me at all. It sounds great that to remove mine, then it's like obviously Oh. Player. It's the word that comes in.

It's, yeah. Wow. It really is. Yeah. See, this is why this podcast is great. Yep, yep. And that's why I wouldn't put a boob shot up. Yeah. Because that would be me putting out there that exact same is what I want. Yeah, same, same. It's,

yeah. So it's not that boobs aren't

great and shirtless people aren't great.

They are great. But if you are putting long-term monogamous on there, I'd be like, what

message are you putting out? Straight off? Because first impressions are what counts, right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.

Okay. No enough. Fair enough. Staying safe on the apps.

Hmm. Oh, safety's everything.

Yep.

And, um, God, women just don't meet.

It's, it's slow. Again, the the best way to stay safe is go slow. The first time Andrew and I caught up to have a coffee, we talked about doing this podcast, um, I said to him, you just showed up here today, didn't you? You just drove here and you showed up. I said, I told a girlfriend where I was gonna be. And he's like, what?

But we're in a public place. I went, yep. And I'm a single woman. And I told a girlfriend where I was gonna be, but it wasn't a date. It wasn't a date. But I'm meeting a stranger who was a man stranger. If I was meeting, if I was meeting a group, I wouldn't have done it. If I was meeting a woman, I wouldn't have done it.

But I'm meeting a man who is a stranger, who I don't know. We'd had a phone conversation and a couple of messages.

Yeah,

absolute safety. I let people know where I'm going at all times because that's a woman thing.

Yeah. And then you spoke about the power seats as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I gave, which the power seats.

Um, and the power seat is the seat in the room. So there's a power seat at every table. And a lot of people know this, and you'll notice it in restaurants now. You'll notice it everywhere you go. The power seat is the seat that has the best vision of the entire room. Mm-hmm. And the exit.

Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. You know about that 'cause No, I didn't.

Wow. Fantastic. So you'll, you'll feel it in your body and women will feel it in their body. So I feel safe, secure enough in myself that I can give the power seat to somebody else.

Mm-hmm.

But if I was. Interestingly, when I'm in relationships, we kind of jostle for the power seat 'cause we are both trying to take that position.

Yeah. And when a woman can give you the power seat, it means she feels secure within herself and she trusts you enough to be able to give it to you. Because if I've got my back to the door. I don't know when the threat's coming in. Yeah. So you know how you, you are now my eyes to what's going on in the place, and women might not understand this consciously, but I guarantee you their body is feeling it time and again.

Wow. Love it. Love it. And so if you are like unconscious and looking all over the place and doing the thing, and you are not in your body and you're not present. And she can't feel safe 'cause she's given you the safety seat, the power seat. Wow. She's put her safety in your hand and now you're scrolling on your phone.

She's gonna go nuts and you're gonna think it's about something weird and she's just a bit weird. But it's because in her body she didn't feel safe. So there's a lot of things about women and safety. You know these, the cars now have. Keyless entry.

Yep.

Worst thing that's ever happened to women's safety, because we used to have to walk around at night with our keys in our hand as a possible weapon as just walking to your car at night.

Yep. And so there's all these things that we have to think about consistently that men have never even considered. So men, when you are dating and when you are with women, be the safe guy. Even if it doesn't work out, even if you don't feel the chemistry, be the safe guy who's able to stay present during it, who's able to watch her walk to her car, but don't walk her to her car as such.

'cause she wants the safety of knowing that you're not gonna attack her as she tries to get into her car. Yeah. But see,

I do that every time. Like I, I walk someone to the car to make sure they're safe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And close enough that you like, don't open the door for her. Like, get to the front of the car and then let her get in the car and give her that space of feeling safe to be able to get in her car.

Yeah. But as a guy, the woman's gonna think, oh, he doesn't want kiss me or whatever. Like it's first date, Andrew date. But it happens on the first date. It does. Like, honestly, I, I've, I've got that saying, oh, you know, I just felt you were a bit distant. And I'm like, geez, I can't seem to get it right. Because

Yeah.

But if somebody, again, that's another red flag. Okay, so if, if I was a man and I'd walk a woman to a car and she expected me to kiss her, that's a red flag. Yeah, that's, you're wanting to go really fast, really quickly. That's full intention. I'm not sure we're compatible there.

It's connection, vibe, all that sort of stuff that's coming in.

Kissing on the first date takes you out of safety zone of is this the right person for me? And now my hormones are all up in it, that it, it's hormones, right? And I'm gonna, and that body cue that said, something's not right here. Totally gone. The second you kiss that, what if it

does feel right? What if you meet this guy and you go, oh my God, we.

Got a connection we attracted to each other. It's exciting Chemistry's too then, isn't it? Totally. You bring

it on the next day. If that's, then that's fantastic. You've got a fantastic core and scaffold to keep going. Yeah. And

you've gotta keep building the foundation.

Wow. Because the

second you bring, um, physical touch and intimacy in Yeah.

Your ability to read the body cues is gone. So it, that's again, that speed. Interesting. And I've done it enough times to know it's not ever gonna work or last it'll work. Okay. Short period. At my age now,

I think if, if I was on a date and he started Snogging me first date, I'd be thinking, well, that's what he would do most dates and that's what is all about.

Whereas get to know me first. Yeah. I value that more. It's

maybe every second date.

Jeez. I'm loving this podcast already, Andrew. Okay.

Favorite dating app? Favorite dating app

that I've been on. Been

on? Yeah.

I'll be harmony 'cause I met you.

Yep.

Um, that was Chung and cheek. Well, we didn't meet, I liked. No, we didn't.

I actually liked, is it Bumble, where the female is in control. I liked that one.

Okay.

Yeah. So I'm only on one at the moment, so because I won't let them take over my life. Yeah. And it's really important to me that they don't take over my life. So I sat them all down and I sat with AI and went, all right, tell me all the ones, which one, do you think that's correct?

That's interesting. Yeah. And Bumble was a safe one. eHarmony was a safe one, and Hinge was the other one. Yeah. So they were the top three.

Yeah.

Um, and so I looked at them and went, I'd been on them all before and I was like. Hinge feels like the easiest. I just use my intuition. I'm only on hinge at the moment.

Yeah. Okay. I think it's all of my eggs are not in that basket.

Yeah,

so I'm not putting any pressure on Hge to deliver and maybe I'll change apps if my intuition goes, change apps and uh, I'll only ever do one at a time though for my own mental health and safety just to stay in my body and my adult self and not my teenage self who wants to be on apps.

How you keep up with more than one

anyway.

Well, that's right. I don't, and it doesn't rule my life. I get on it every other day. Yeah. It will not take over my life. I think when I first

went out there, I went on all four and it was, I couldn't sleep. Like Yeah. It's, it's, it's ridiculous. So you just go, no, delete, delete for your sanity, you know?

Absolutely. Yeah. Alright. Uh, finding my person.

Mm. What does

finding the one mean?

That's a hard one. I, I'm, I'm looking for my person. I don't wanna keep. Dating, dating, dating, it's thing everyone is, you know? Right. Yeah. I just, I, I hope that the next one is the one, but do I know who my person is? I think it, for me, I'm only speaking for me.

I know what core values I'm looking for. Yeah. I know what the value system I'm looking for. Yep. Do we have chemistry? Do we connect those things? If we can start ticking those off earlier on in the piece, and I'm not getting a red flag, a possibility that that's my possibility, do I actually know? No, but I believe in my gut.

I believe in my soul. What if you are shorter than

you?

They're shorter than me.

Much shorter than you?

Well, it depends on the connection. Okay. No, let's be honest. I, I dunno if I could do that. And that's not, that's just, you know, because you've gotta have that physical, um, yeah. I've never, I've never had someone shorter 'cause I'm short.

Okay.

So then,

you know,

I, I would never overrule it. Yeah. Put it that way. I would never overrule it until I have dealt with that person. But I'm a big believer in the person sitting next to you that you're starting to get to know and connect with. Yeah. You're going to know. You're going to know, at least at the beginning to a certain point.

So far, this is so good. Do you ever know your perfect person? I don't know. I am excited to learn a bit more off you guys about this sort of thing. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Cool. But

start with the scaffolding.

Yep. Tracy.

Absolutely. So for me, it's again about this lowness. So if somebody's able to match my pace, respect my nose, respect my need for safety moving forward, that will keep building that foundation and the more that he's able to build safety in my body, the more my body will open to up and trust.

Now I can feel the chemistry with you. Mm-hmm. Because the chemistry before I've built a, built a foundation of safety is my inner child looking for daddy.

Yeah.

Yeah. Because everyone's, when people say, you know, this is another red flag on the apps, um, I, you need to feel like home. And I was like, what was home like for you as a 5-year-old?

Home is home for me as a 5-year-old wasn't exactly safe. Yeah. It wasn't exactly, you know, all roses. I didn't have a secure attachment with my parents. You know, I was born in 75 and I grew up in the time where a big angry dad and children were to be seen and not heard and do what you're told and things like that.

So if I find someone who feels like home. That tells me straight away without getting to know them and, and understanding who they are and what their values are, I guarantee you that's my dad that I'm about to date. Yeah. Just in a different body and a different skin.

Mm.

And who is my person? I don't know.

'cause I haven't met him yet.

Yeah.

But I honestly believe, honestly, and this is for everyone. There are billions of people in this world. I only want one.

Yeah. Yes. I

don't need another 10. Yes. I don't even need another three, just one. Yeah. And I honestly believe he is in this world somewhere. Yes, absolutely.

And I will continue to taking the steps until, until the time we meet. Yeah. And if I meet other people in the meantime, great.

Yeah.

And don't see divorce as a, um, a bad thing. Esther Perez said all the time, she's that French speaking. God, she's amazing.

Yeah.

Um, just the way she says it is sexy. Everything she does.

Um, and she says, we have five marriages a lifetime. You can do it with one person or you can do it with five different people. It doesn't matter. And because you get to a point in your marriage, a lot of people I know who've been married for a long time, they're like, oh, we've nearly called quits three times.

I'm like, there's three of your marriages. Right? Because you had to make the choice to keep going together and to grow together. Yeah. And some people get to the end of that point like we did, and just went, we can't do the rest of this together. It's not about them. It's not about me. It's just about. This is, we've come to that fork in the road and we've chosen to go in different directions.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah.

Well, yeah, for me, look, I've done the whole slow thing, the fast thing, and it's, it hasn't worked out. Mm-hmm. I suppose, you know, but me finding my person, I suppose, yeah. I'm, I'm still, you know, like yet to find them. I've, I've been told by people that you are my person and this like.

One case was a 20, someone that came out of a 23-year marriage and she was separated for a month and she said, oh, you're my person. And I, and I, we need little red flag, even red flag, flag. And, and even I was like surprised. And I said, geez. And she goes, oh, well my marriage was over seven years ago and I know what I'm looking for.

And I think, yeah, it lasted probably about two months. And, um, well

she hadn't been through her firsts. A

first, what? First

First year? What you're saying of going through all the, she been through her first birthday, her first Christmas, his birth, birthday, their anniversary. All the things that they used to do together.

You got to get through all of them by yourself. Yeah. Before you can invite someone else in. Yeah. And be truly present and ready for a relationship, in my opinion.

Yeah. Look, I mean, I suppose after 40, you know, it just means finding someone you're at peace with, you know, finding that connection. Yeah. You obviously gotta be attracted to them.

Yeah. And then you just take it from there.

Yeah. Anything else? So your peace is my safety, and I think we're saying the same things when you hear peace. I hear safety

as in peace. As in peace or peace of something.

We'll stick with safety.

Okay. Uh, ways of meeting people. Now we'll just go over a few. Yeah.

Uh, Facebook groups. I'm on a few groups and Sharon's actually. An admin of one of the groups on the Gold Coast. Uh, over 40 fives. Yep.

Over 40, 45. Social and single.

Yep.

Um. I actually joined that group purely because I had moved to Gold Coast and I was lonely. Not for, and I mean it not for a man. I wanted a social scene.

I had all my friends left back at Izzy, and I got very, very lonely. Very, very quickly.

So why didn't you join a social group?

Stop trying to get me caught here. Well, potentially, let's not lie. Also, you gotta have something in common. I don't wanna hang out. Yes. I don't wanna be that person who's sitting at the dinner table on my own going, oh God.

So did you wanna meet men or women or both?

Both. Okay.

Both.

I've got no problems having men as friends, however, there's, or that's another complete

thing, but not couples. You didn't wanna meet couples? No, look,

nothing wrong with couples because our group does have couples as well.

Wow. Yeah.

But you don't wanna be that only one where they're all sitting around in couples.

Nothing wrong with that, but you are not. Yeah. So that's why I also felt having singles in the group, I could connect with like-minded women as well myself. And to be honest, I have met some of my closest friends ever, both male and female in that group. Best decision I've ever done.

Wow. Yeah.

But, um, you know, I, I'm only on that group.

I'm not in any others. I still love meeting face-to-face. That's my thing.

So they are good. I mean, look, I've been to a few events like dinners. Uh, there's like Christmas parties. Yeah. And what else? Just like, yeah, I think horse riding. You guys do motorbike riding as well.

Yeah.

It's just, I, I suppose it's something for everyone.

And I think joining these groups is pretty safe as well, because you can get in touch with the admins. If you're going out, they can meet you at the front, I believe. Yeah, that's too, for women, mainly like, yeah. I was just scared to go

into an event, so I, I did, I contacted them. Asked You contacted someone to walk?

To walk me in. Yep. Have you perfect, been on any

Facebook groups at Um,

I, I used to do Facebook groups and I dipped out again 'cause it's too much of my time. So it's, if I'm, if I'm too much in the single scene, then I'm not in my life. Seen. Okay. So it's like in, I live, um, on acreage and I have horses and chickens and a child and

yeah.

Yeah.

I love life. I love living life. So screens themselves, it's not like it is social media itself and apps themselves, they're not a big part of my life and so I don't want more on that. But I'm up in the northwest of Brisbane and it's really hard. So if anyone is in Brisbane and they know of things that are.

Um, activities that are for the dating scene, can you please let me know because I'm finding it really hard to find something. Yeah. Like

daytime, nighttime.

Daytime.

Daytime. Okay. I'm

best, I'm perimenopausal women. I like to be asleep by nine o'clock. Yeah. Yeah. I'm up with the birds and I'm asleep with the birds.

Um, so yeah, I really love daytime things. Yeah. And, uh, yeah. And no nightclubs, no, no things like that. Okay. Not interested in anything like that. So if you know of something, please let me know. Mm-hmm. I, I wanna know, I'm sure there's something, there's a lot out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um, we've covered dating apps.

Um, speed dating.

Yes.

So

I want to do it. I've not done speed dating. I'm quite excited to give it a go. I've heard Good. I've heard bad. I was chatting to you a little bit about it before. Yes. You've been into it before. Yes. But I'd like to do it because I love. Connection. I, I'd like to think you might get a, I don't know.

Do you get that first idea whether you like that person or not? Whether the, I dunno, but I think it's one thing I'd like to try.

Yeah. I look, I think for me it's, I think in the first 10 to 20 seconds you can tell whether yeah, you're gonna vibe with that person. I think it's body language, it's the way they talk, all that sort of stuff.

The, the attraction, obviously. You can feel if something's gonna be there, your intuition is gonna let you know. Yeah. Have you been speech, have you Yeah, I have

not, but I would actually get amongst that. Yeah. Yeah. Because there's nothing worse than going for a date with someone and thinking, oh my God, this is not it.

And I know it in the first 10 seconds that I'm stuck having to have a meal with you. Yeah. Or a coffee with you or whatever it is. So I love the idea of speed dating. There is something I've reached out to her because somebody who I trust, um, as a human and a business person is. Conscious speed dating.

Yeah. And they did one back in June and I'm asked, are you doing this again? Because that's what I can get get amongst, yes. But I would prefer speed dating to any other kind of dating singles thing.

Yeah. Look, it's pretty safe. It's a good environment. Yeah. That it's at nighttimes. Um, maybe you can find some daytime speed dating.

I'm not sure the

speed dating, I would probably go out at a nighttime, but it's more like, okay. Um, I was part of a single parents group. Mm-hmm. And they would go clubbing and all get really drunk. It's like, oh, I don't drink alcohol and I don't wanna be out that far. And it's really noisy. Yeah. So nighttime things like speed dating, I could get amongst that.

Yeah. Yeah.

Look, I've done the city swoon one in, uh, Brisbane. Very safe. You meet some nice people. Once again, I think it's, it's like everything else. You just gotta go up, show up and uh, give the go. Yeah. Just whether you meet your person or not. That's it.

Mm-hmm.

Couple of other things I've done is like, last Sunday I went to, it's called Sunday Socials Comedy.

Um, it's a comedy show and. Basically what happens is you can put your name up at the front when you turn up and open. Oh,

you are comedian, isn't it? So it's like an open mic.

No, no, not, no, no, no. Not you. Not you. No, no. It's run by two comedians. Well, you

said you can put your name down. I was to do comedy.

What

you put your name up to? Take part in matching with someone on stage. So it's run by two comedians, a male and a female. And they make you feel really welcome when you get there. So you, you get there an hour before, oh, okay, you're having some drinks, you might be talking to some other people. I, I went with my mate, Richie, and at the age group was a little bit youngish, more towards the younger crowd, but everyone was having fun and these two comedians were great.

They pulled people up on stage. You gotta, obviously, like I said, put your name down. They blindfold the person and the person's gotta choose from the three answers that people give on stage. Oh,

like the love dating game back in there? Yeah. Yeah. It's like that. I remember it was Dexter or whatever it was.

Yeah, yeah. Yep,

yep. Um, perfect match. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And in another group I went out with is, um, social Sparks Fly. Have you ever heard of them? No. Nope. So they do some trivia and stuff around Brisbane. Gold Coast and also mid coast. That's a great way to figure out. So that's little isn't.

You're sitting around, um, people that you don't know and watching how they respond to trivia.

You definitely know. Clever or not my Match.

Well, that's it. Well, I could be smart. You didn't know that. Yeah.

That, that is a no.

Yeah. Look, it's a great night. Um, I went out to the one in Cora about three weeks ago. Went with my mate, Richie as well. Two different crowds like the oldish and the youngish crowd that would the older, which, no, no, no.

Both. Both crowds. Both. And very relaxed. Once again, there's alcohol involved. Nighttime. Yep. So, uh,

yep. See these things come on. People get some data, things happening.

Uh, but absolutely great. You know, like just, uh, some good events out there. Yeah. Yeah. Another thing I wanna talk about is just like, yeah, it's a ways to get out there.

Sports pickleball is, I think, really popular amongst people our age. You ever tried it? No. No, no,

no. But I would like to, I think it sounds really cool. And what I really like about things like pickleball, it's, I kind of feel like I wanna follow my joy. Yeah. Because if I'm going to something that I really hate, like if I hated the idea of speed dating and someone said, just come along, I just, I just don't think that I could meet my person there because I genuinely don't like it.

It's not authentically who I am. Yeah. Trivia I think would be fun. So I could authentically meet someone. Yeah. There. But if it's And pickleball, I could do that. 'cause it's something I would like to try personally anyway. Yeah. Not to find a partner. Yeah. Yeah. So for me, first of all, would it be fun for me?

Can I have joy in this moment? Yes. Now I'll go to it. It's not like I need to find desperately find someone. So I'll go and do underwater dancing and I hate it. Yeah. At midnight. Well, I

think for you as well, pick a ball during the day, so that could happen. I think you do it. Or some once day in the weekends or something like that.

So yeah. And

it may be alcohol free ones as well, just nights of singles that are alcohol free, because once people start drinking, it's like. This person, what personality you looking at? Does it change? And for some people it doesn't, but for some people it does. And if people

most, it relaxes them.

And that's a problem for me.

I'm like, if you need alcohol to relax and you don't feel relaxed enough to talk to me on a normal day,

yeah, my

flags are waving and they're not green.

Wow. Any other ways that you've Well,

I was at just two weeks ago outside, um, super cheap auto whatever, and a guy on a motorbike drove past. I was put something on boots, sort of just smiled, looked.

Anyway, I heard the motorbike circle round. He'd gone down the road, came back and he actually asked me out then and there on a date. But because I was caught off guard, I actually said, well, we'll swap numbers. Okay. And we swapped a couple of conversations first, but you know what, it brought me right back to gone of those days.

And that was one in a million. Yeah.

So you were just hanging out. The front of super cheap Auto.

Like I, I'd gone and got something and oh, I wasn't just hanging out. Bunnings, don't they say Bunnings as the place? I like Bunnings.

Yeah. Sausage. Yeah. Yeah.

But no, it was fantastic. I actually ended up going have a drink with them the next two nights after we'd been talking and, and I asked him, you know, we, we just don't get this anymore.

I women, we don't have people stop and say, I'm, he did, he told me I'm attracted to you. You're beautiful. Can we, wow. Well, there, there's a bit of both there. There's a, is there a green flag? Is it a red flag? And I sat on both, but we started talking. I felt comfortable enough I left our good old girl code.

My girlfriend had all my details. In fact, I had to every hour contact her to make sure I wasn't with a serial killer or someone like that. Yeah, it is a

thing. Yeah. I'm telling you it is a

thing. Yeah. And

must

tell someone when you're home safe, you have to always, always, yeah. And you also let that person know.

And if they're not comfy with it, then there's your red flag straight off as well. Yeah. So, but yeah, that was really good. So

I must ring people and tell 'em where I'm going. Is that what you're saying? No, 'cause you're a man. Oh. Oh, okay. It's

different. You can hold your own

two worlds,

but yeah. But yeah, Bunnings, now I've heard lately, isn't it?

That's the place to go. I must say. There's plenty of eye candy in Bunnings.

Well, I tell you, when I'm at Bunnings, I'm not looking at men. I actually like the tools, the outdoor setting and the, well, I do lots of repurposing furniture and stuff, so. Building A too generally. Yeah. Yeah. I just love funs the paint.

Interesting.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Good to hear. So, just recapping, guys, you know, on this episode, do the work research, you know, the apps, speed dating stuff that you want to do. Just look into it. What's suited for you. It's not, not everything's suited for everyone. Agree. Absolutely. Find your joy. Yep. Yep. Get out there.

But I suppose, be safe, be smart about it. Take precaution, like you've said,

and men, that's big thing. Keep women safe. Yeah, keep women safe. Know what we go through to just the amount of courage it takes for a woman to sit opposite a man. I don't think men quite understand.

Wow.

It is, isn't it? It's quite traumatic.

Yeah. Because it could go so many ways and our, our literal safety is. Possibly being threatened and we don't know any other way. So, yes.

And one thing I want to leave you guys with is on the market. In the market. Enjoy the moment. So basically I got that from my psychologist on the market means you're ready, you emotionally and physically available.

Yeah. In the market means getting out there, whether it's dating apps, um, playing sports, going to events. And enjoying the moment. It's just don't have expectations. Big one. Yeah. Enjoy that coffee. Yeah, that drink, whatever it is. What it's, be safe about it obviously, but just have no expectation. Yeah. And you'll be surprised 'cause a lot of people don't enjoy the moment.

And I, I do this as well. We analyze, we tick off boxes, we like

Yeah.

Got this whole thing. Is she gonna be the one, like we said, the red flag

for women and she's already seeing the wedding day in the first date. Yeah. Where she's sitting there looking at, yeah. Yeah. It's like she's figured out what flowers she's gonna have and where it's gonna be.

And she's only just met you. Yeah.

Yep. Wow. So

stay in the moment. So anyway,

yeah, we've, we've come to the end of the show. We hope you guys found this information valuable. I'd like to say thanks to my co-host, Tracy. Yeah. Thanks to our guest, Sharon, you've been Thank you. Great. And look guys, we'll see you on the next show.

Um, don't forget to follow our socials as well.

Yeah. And tell your friends about us. Like we were saying before, you know that person, even if you're somebody who's in a couple and you know that single person, you know, send them our way. They're our people.

Yep. Yeah. You know, everyone

knows somebody who's single.

Yep. And so send them our way because we understand these people. We are, we get each other. So send them to us. We wanna.

And we'd love to hear from you guys as well. So if you have any questions, any suggestions towards the show, just uh, you know, send us an email, send it via our socials as well, and we look forward to seeing you in the next episode.

If you're over 40 and stepping back into the world of dating, remember this, it's never too late to find connection, joy, or brand new beginning. You're not starting over. You're starting fresh with more wisdom, more confidence, and so much more to give. Stick with us and let's take this journey together.