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I’m here to guide and accompany you to your greatest potential and give you the tools to create a life beyond your wildest dreams. You will change your life’s narrative, transform your limiting beliefs, and you will fully own your magnificent power. So that you can go from lack, to making your life one big authentically yours mind-blowing story.
I know you want more than your current reality. So, let’s unleash your inner badassery. Let’s explore the Intersection of Pain, Passion and Power. You don’t know how? I do. I have been where you are now. I suffered, learned, awakened and succeeded so that I can show you how.
With me, you get an unapologetic, powerful sister and guide with exceptional skills and a fearless attitude, all in one. Think "Sistuoso Maestro".
So, welcome to your POWER LIFE!!
Let’s do this. You have waited way too long already.
Welcome to another episode of the Power Life Podcast. Today I want to share an experience I had this weekend, with the hope that it will shed some light on something you might be struggling with as well.
Do you ever feel like you don’t really belong anywhere or you don’t fit in?
For most of my life I felt like that.
I felt like a foreigner. Like an outcast.
I often felt invisible.
At 17 I left Germany on my own for Canada.
Feeling like I did not belong. Searching for belonging, purpose, love, and safety.
Like a ship setting off in the middle of the night, with a clear destination, but an undefined course.
I moved and traveled the globe for the next 36 years. I achieved great things, but always feeling like I did not belong. I felt like, I never fit in.
Over the years, my frustration and sadness grew, but I continued my search for home.
I am not saying that this is exactly what you have done or how you feel, but maybe some sort of a version of that in a part of your life? Can you see yourself in some way in my journey? Moving from place to place? Job to job? Relationship to relationship? Trying different things and then just to realize that the shoe does not quite fit? Give it a moment, think about it.
A few months ago, I returned back home to my original harbor from 36 years ago, from which I had originally set sail.
It looks like home, but not surprisingly, it does not feel like home. I feel like I don’t belong. I feel like an outcast. I still feel invisible and I still feel alone.
And that’s another thing we do: we try a bunch of different things and then think ‘oh wow…maybe what I originally had wasn’t so bad after all?! Now I know it could be worse. Let’s go back to that.’ But the reality is: we forget why we left in the first place.
But anyways…I went back and I was tired. So I stopped actively searching.
But I didn’t just go back and give up. I wouldn’t do that. I went back and while I stopped the searching, I also stopped with the distractions. The noise – the need to achieve and succeed materialistically, the need to find somebody else who makes me feel at home, being distracted by fulfilling societal expectations, band aids like alcohol and shopping therapy, filling my schedule with social engagements, and distracting myself with just having plain old fun.
I basically put myself in time out and deprived myself from the distractions, because I realized that, after 36 years, this wasn’t working. I needed to try something different.
I wonder where you are at in your cycle? Are you still doing the same thing you’ve been doing for a bunch of years? Are you ready to stop banging your head against the wall? How frustrated are you?
I am now truly alone. Focusing just on myself. I am still and I feel safe.
After 36 years, I have stopped and I am finally asking myself this one pertinent question: What is home?
You can ask yourself as well, to define what it is that you are looking for. What does a relationship mean to me? What does my job mean to me? What am I really looking for?
So this works for anything. It can be geographically, relationship wise, career wise, physically (how do you want to feel?), who am I as a daughter / son,… anyways…you get it right?
Is it the familiar? Is it defined by the way we were brought up? Is it our definition or somebody else’s? Like in my case, is home the culture, family members, food, neighbors, my local favorite restaurant?
To me, all of this never felt like home. It was nice, but all these years I now feel like I was really searching for my own home.
Is home ‘being settled’? Is home the foundation upon which the rest of your life unfolds?
They say that ‘Home is where the heart is.’ But to me that was never enough either.
Why not?
Will I ever find home?
Maybe I am just not capable of feeling at home!?
Do you ever ask yourself that? Maybe I am just not capable of being happy? To love somebody. To stay in a job?
And it gets really interesting when you start contradicting yourself. For example:
I know I often I feel empty, even though I feel so deeply when my heart expands and I allow beauty inside.
It just does not make sense. I am capable of feeling things, loving somebody, being excited about the things that I do.
So it’s not that either.
It was exactly in this silence and in this painful vacuum that I finally realized that all these years I was running away and seeking something that was already within me.
I know, this sounds really cliché. But hear me out.
I wish I could tell you exactly how it happened. But I can’t. All I know is that it was super still. I had been in meditation and it just bubbled up.
I realized that no place would ever feel like home, as long as I had not made myself at home in myself.
There were parts of me that I was not welcoming. Parts I had been trying to ignore with the hope for them to go away. It was time to call the outcasted parts of myself back home.
We all have outcasted parts. Parts of ourselves that we don’t like. Feelings that we don’t like to feel.
I imagined my old big kitchen table and the outcasts slowly starting to pile in, sitting down at that table. I see anger I feel towards certain people. I see the fear of failure. I see the fear of being unworthy. I see the fear of being unlovable. I see the fear of being an outcast forever.
It is time to bring all of these parts of myself home into my heart. It is time to thank them for their gifts and the blessings they have brought into my life, which has brought me here.
Sit with it and think about your outcasts. Is there anger, resentment, fear, sadness? Think about who or what you are angry about. Feel it. What are you afraid of? Name it and feel it.
And this is when I remembered an experience I had the other day: I observed somebody who had done me wrong in horrible ways. But instead of seeing anger and injustice, I only saw love.
It surprised me and moved me to tears and it was a great relief, but at the time I did not really get it.
And this is what this is all about. Realizing that at the core of each of those horrible or negative feelings, that I have chosen to make into outcasts, is love. Originally, all of those parts were pure versions of our loving self (or of self love) and we abandoned them.
This is when you know the feeling of home/of love/of purpose/of what you truly are within yourself and then you can find anywhere and with anything that is going on around you.
I know that so many of us feel lost and we keep searching for the answers outside of ourselves.
While the answer lies in becoming whole, by welcoming all of those parts of ourselves back home to our heart. Having them sit around our kitchen table. Sharing a nice meal with them and thanking them for the gifts they have brought. Basically, making our heart and therefore ourselves whole again.
Home is where you wholly welcome yourself. Home is where your heart is whole.
Wishing you all an amazing week, from my home and heart to yours. Until next time, take care!!