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Cinema PSYOPS is a weekly film review podcast where we experiment on an impressionable mind to find out why physical wounds heal, but Cinematic ones don't.
And welcome to the 467th consecutive week of Cinema Psy Ops.
I'm your host, Cort, the guy that is really fucking stoked that we've only got one more fucking piece of shit, Al Adamson movie to watch.
And joining me in that joyous occasion is my jovial co-host, Matt.
Oh, you're 10, you're almost two us, and it will be nice.
Yeah, and you know, when we do the next one, it's gonna be a commentary, so we'll just schedule that at our leisure and set it up.
Just watch it together, record some bullshit over top of it, and just release it as an episode and call it a fucking day, yeah.
Word the fuck up.
Yeah, the pirate radio edit version of that is going to be the included video, like what I do with Mental Rental, where they can actually watch the movie with us talking over it for that episode.
Nice, all right.
Yeah, that'll be the pirate radio edit with our music that'll be involved with that.
They're, you know, like one or two music pieces maybe to open and close the show or whatever, but that'll be the Patreon only version of that anyway.
Yeah, and then we're done with Adamson, and we can fucking close the book.
You know, this week is not as awful as last week.
No, this was actually quite refreshing.
Yeah, let's not really talk too much about last week because Jesus fucking Christ.
Now, last week was the verifiable shits.
Right, but this one is, this one's decent.
Sunset Cove is just a general sex comedy romp with teens.
It's actually a little bit trend setting in that this was 77, it came before Porky's.
There was a lot of other like teen sex comedy things and some teen sex of focusing around high school movies that we've seen before, like that Malibu High.
I don't know if you remember that one or not, where that girl was like blackmailing everybody with sex.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Like her teachers and stuff.
It's been a really long time since we watched that one.
Yeah, yeah, no, I remember it though.
But there's been a few of those kind of like sex comedies that take place in around high school kids or just like sex films like that or exploitation films like that.
But this one kind of marries them all together and was also sort of a forerunner of the Save the Rec Center teen sex comedies that came out in the early 80s.
This was very much a Save the Rec Center.
We got to save summer.
I hope everyone gets it together.
Right, and everyone gets laid all in one film.
Like he did a really good job of melding that all together.
It's not a good film, but for this type of film, it meets every criteria you want for this type of teen sex comedy to come in the future and all the ones that preceded it.
It does a great job of kind of seeing what's going to come from where it's copying from.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, no, you're exactly right.
It's weird.
This is almost the high note that we could end this whole series on, but we still have to do the commentary on Death Dimension.
But I mean, this is still not bad.
Yeah, we've definitely seen worse.
I think that's probably about enough, Pavlom.
Should we save the commentary for when we actually reveal some of the stuff that we're going to be doing for year 10?
Yeah, we should save it for after the commentary.
Well, after the commentary is year 10, so we'll basically...
But I meant after we get done with the commentary, the post show.
Oh, to keep people listening to the very end.
That's how we close out the commentary episode.
Interesting, I like that idea.
I mean, we've been edging them for, I don't know how fucking long, but you know.
When have we ever said that something wouldn't be the way that it was, and then we made it that way, right?
Yeah, right?
I mean, this is going to be epic, guys.
Year 10 is...
Yeah, well, as far as podcasting goes...
Year 10 is our zenith.
As far as podcasting goes, whenever we make promises about what we're going to do on the show, we do it.
I mean, we don't necessarily deliver the end-all, be-all results, but hey, we're at least consistently here for 520 episodes.
Yeah, goddamn it.
We've been going.
We've been through it.
Yeah, we're going to try and do it.
I think that's enough, Pablum.
I think we're ready to go to talk about your film, 1977 Sunset Cove, like we have been doing the entire time for, I don't know how long when I decided to do it.
All songs released in 1977, but also this time, just like last week, kind of picked some subject matter in the songs that fit with the movies that we're watching.
So up first on the Pirate Radio Edit for your show, we've got the Ramones with their cover of California Sun from 1977, immediately following this.
This'll keep it quiet.
Oh, hi there.
I didn't see you.
You call me cutting a new show.
I'm Bo Ransdell, and I'm one of the many creators you can find on Legion Podcasts.
I said, quiet!
My fellow podcasters and I work hard to bring you the best in horror podcasting.
But that comes at a cost.
Not that, but also, yes.
No, what I'm getting at is that there are server costs, costs for good microphones and software for editing, all the things that make our shows, you know, fun to listen to.
And you can help.
If you're enjoying the shows on legionpodcasts.com or in the Legion Network available on iTunes and Stitcher, just about anywhere you can download a podcast, really, you can help us out and get a little something for your trouble at patreon.com forward slash legion podcasts.
For just two bucks a month, you get a pair of movie commentaries exclusive to Patreon.
And for five dollars, you can also join us for a monthly screening of a movie.
All of that available on patreon.com/legionpodcasts
We appreciate it, and thank you for listening.
Now, back to the cutting room.
Well, you're talking about a movie that takes place on the West Coast, so I thought California Sun, as done by the Ramones in 1977, was a perfect choice.
That's it really was, you did well.
Yeah, and if you don't like my choices, you know, make your own fucking podcast and then, you know, do it your own way.
Yeah, exactly.
What's wrong with them is they want us to do this review.
Well, I'm happy to after the last few weeks.
So anyway, Sunset Cove, I split this up to thirds.
So the first 30, opening title, everyone's on the beach, you know, in the opening, we see a guy and a lady sneak into the men's room to get down.
Everyone's having fun.
Schools getting out for summer, baby.
Yeah, I'm surprised you didn't do like Alice Cooper or something, schools out, but, you know.
Not the right year.
I had to at least make it match the years.
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
Yeah, it's got to be, it's got to be that way.
Yeah, it was secondary to the year for that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, so then teachers kind of just like giving kids a lot of shit and being a general dickhole while they're all trying to leave and have their, you know, summertime.
So a kid plays a prank on them and the teacher tears his pants and all.
And it looks like a dorkier kid did it.
So the kids laugh because, hey, it's fucking hilarious.
Who doesn't like pranks on adults, right?
Yeah.
And because of this, this kid's accepted into this cool van kids group because they have a cool van.
And then another kid pulls up in a van with two chicks and he's like, hey, let's drag race vans.
And I'm like, all right, I've never heard of that.
That's new one on me.
It's fucking vans, people.
First of all, vans are perfect for when you need a wagon to which you can do some shagging.
And that is the best option for a shagging.
Now, I don't dispute that.
I'm talking about drag racing vans.
Right.
Now, that part is bullshit.
What they should have done is seen how much are knocking and rocking that van could have taken.
How much fucking can happen to that van?
How many people can have fucking at the same time the van?
There's your fucking gay people.
Right.
And you only have to rev up a van whenever you need the vibrations to take her home.
If you know what I mean.
And I think you do.
All right.
So anyway, funny way, the main, the kid in the cooler van, because the other van guy, he's kind of late.
The vans piece of shit.
He's got muscles and a room to fuck in.
That's all he cares about.
That's right.
Well, he sees a cop.
And so he lets the other guy go drag race off.
And the cop goes after them and pulls them over.
And they drive by him and laugh at him as he's getting pulled over.
And we hit a burger joint.
And hey, it's our first clip.
That's fair.
It's done.
Whoops, sorry, tops.
The back of the van's off limits.
Hey, I thought Bart was with you.
He owes me a lunch.
Looks like he owes you more like a diet meal.
Bart's taking inventory, you know.
He's checking through a special catalog.
Inventory?
Special catalog?
You know, private parts.
Well, come on, I'll treat you.
Hearts?
I don't understand hearts.
They're fucking in the van, idiot.
I mean, come on.
Yeah, tell me, come on.
You know what though, it's fine.
But you know what, they're still actually kind of nice to the bigger kid.
You know, they always hang out with him.
Yeah, but still, they're fat shaming him the entire time, and he's the butt of a ton of funched fucking fat jokes.
It's punching down.
I mean, at the time, sure they might have gotten away with this, and it was not even really considered.
They all punch down.
Even the fat kid slut shamed some people.
So, I mean, I'm just saying.
And I can call him a fat kid because I am a fat kid.
Fuck you, I'm not punching down.
I'm straight punching at this point.
I'm not exactly sure how that works, but like I just, the body shaming, the slut shaming, and all the shaming that's going on in this is fucking tasteless.
But everything else about it, like if they would have just let them hang out without that kind of dialogue, it would have been fine.
But that's not what friends do.
But friends don't have to be like that.
That's the thing.
Well, OK, they don't, but usually they are.
Right.
But that's why you just stop hanging around.
We are a couple scumbags to one another a lot of times.
Right.
That's why I don't hang out with you outside of this podcast.
Let's move on.
But I'm sure you're a scumbag to all your other friends, too.
I am trying to be a better person, and I am stopping that toxic 2000s ish friendship bullshit with my friends.
That's why I separate from them and then slowly bringing them back into my life so that I can make things pleasant again.
Oh, my good Lord.
Let's move on.
Jesus Christ.
Anywho.
And yeah, so now there are a couple fucking in the van.
Thanks, movie.
The other van kid shows up and they all flip each other off.
And then the the big dude, you know, Biggie over here, he's sneaking the van to watch a bone.
He does sneak in, he opens the passenger door and like looks through the curtain like a real person.
That's true.
Yeah, it's not even really sneaky, really.
No, he's just overtly doing it and they're like fine with him.
I think they get off on people watching them.
Maybe.
Whatever you're going to do.
There's some more van fucking.
And then a cop shows up and pulls the big man out of the van.
And that is our next clip.
Are you kidding?
I ain't got the bucks for something like this.
What's up, Craig?
You're working meters in parked cars now.
Very funny.
You guys were at the beach yesterday.
How about a glazed donut?
All nice and glazed.
Shut your mouth, whale face.
I'm talking to you, McCalsky.
I'm talking to you.
You were at the beach in this van at Wayward Cove yesterday afternoon.
No way, Craig.
My grandmother took the van to Bonneville for the time trials yesterday.
Look, you even scared the van, Scag.
I mean, Craig.
I know this is the van!
Why the hell is it shaking like that?
Ports do that, to rock music.
Honest, they do.
Oh.
That's the van.
That is the van.
Do you have your junior detective's badge with you?
Oh, you gonna get funny with me?
You're gonna get funny with me?
You know, I could write you a citation for an anti-sway bar.
Right.
Anti-sway bar.
Right.
Here's the van!
I don't know where Mikalski, but I'm gonna nail you.
Because I know you all think I'm stupid.
Right?
Right?
Get out of my face, McCowsky.
We really needed the detail of him driving away there left in the clip.
Yeah, we really did.
You gotta know that they're leaving.
Anyway, so the other van kids fuck with the cops' tires, let the air out and shit.
All the kids then sneak into the other van, and they tell the cop, up yours and drive away.
And the cop has a flat, so he can't chase him.
Then he harasses the big kid, and that's our next clip.
Your name, please.
Your god-given name.
Herman Crandall.
H-
K-R-A-N-D-E-L.
Address.
Address.
432 West Oak Avenue.
Violation.
Violation?
I didn't do anything.
Loitering.
Loitering?
But I was-
Loitering!
I was just standing here.
I wasn't-
I wasn't loitering.
Sign it.
I didn't ask you to write a book!
Sign it!
I got one of you.
Shit!
Listen, Chubbs, don't take it so hard, okay?
But I didn't do anything!
Well, Craig doesn't care about that.
Hey, man, who drank all my coke?
You did.
Listen, Chubbs, we gotta go.
You coming?
No, man, I gotta get another coke.
Here, take this.
Don't drink so much, you're gonna get sips.
See you later.
Hey, fatso, don't choke on the stuff.
Up yours, beef brain.
Hey, listen, moose man, it's not important what I called you.
What's more important is our feeling towards each other.
And right now, I feel like, like, you're my best buddy.
Yeah, but I don't like being called names.
Hey, listen, moose man, neither do I.
Yeah, neither do I.
Don't get snotty.
You started it, all right?
What did I say to you?
Fatso.
All right, what did you call me?
Beef brains.
What?
Beef brains.
I can't hear you.
Because you ain't got nothing between your ears but beef!
Peace!
Come on, Chubby, you're all right.
You got a lot of guts.
Yeah, a lot of guts.
Come on, Chubby, meet my ladies.
This is Pig Iron, and this is Bubbles.
Oh, hey, let me warm them up.
Like what you see?
Wanna see Moose's van in the back?
It's got a stereo?
Oh, it's got stereo.
Don't worry, there'll be plenty of music.
Come on, where do you say we go?
Take good care of you.
So obviously, Moose is real cool about these two women who are always with him, just get down.
Yeah, that's the thing that I wanted to point out.
Moose, it turns out, isn't like your meathead jock asshole type of guy.
He's literally like, he just wanted to see if the kid would stand up for himself.
And then once he did, he's like, I like you, you're all right.
And then the ladies decide they want to sleep with him.
And he's like, man, I'm fine with that.
I don't own them.
Totally cool guy.
I'm really liking this Moose.
He does, I don't know, owns them, but he kind of runs the show because he just kind of was like, yeah, no, ladies, take this kid to fucking Powtown.
But he didn't actually tell them that they had to.
He just he's just introduced them to my friends.
Right.
And I think they're just very horny ladies that are ready to get it down.
And even the big kid got a little bit.
You know what?
Proud, proud is the only thing I could say.
Right.
This movie did one thing right in that these ladies were just horny and they decided they wanted to sleep with him and he was down and he gets them both.
I think they just get off on sharing a guy.
I think that's what they like.
Yeah, maybe.
Listen, that's fine, too.
All they know is that Biggie got he got himself a three way in a van.
So congratulations.
That's like a banner day for our people.
That's pretty much his first time, too.
Let's be let's be real here.
This was his first time while this is happening and it's too.
Yeah, but I'm just going to say this is a banner day for our people.
And we should all be really happy about this.
We can move on now.
I'm so pleased.
We're going to build a statue of this fucking kid.
So anyway, so then we get some topless ladies on the beach.
Thanks.
Some paragliders, ladies watching them.
They're all having fun.
They're having classic summer fun.
I don't remember parasailing or paragliding, I'm sorry, when I was a kid, but fuck it.
These kids get to do it.
So I'm happy for them.
Or have Cliff wheel fucking paragliding, I guess.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know how it works, but cool for you guys, all right?
Sounds like a great time.
These kids clearly have more resources than you ever did.
Yeah.
And probably a little bit more balls because I don't know if I could go paragliding.
That's, yeah, that's not for me.
That's not something I'm doing.
Even if you had the resources to do such a thing.
Even if I had the resources to do it, I wouldn't have done that.
I'd have been like, all right, you fucking nutters, go ahead and do whatever you need to do.
I'll be in the van back here waiting for my next threesome.
Yeah, exactly.
Uh, so then the ladies see something going on on the beach, and hey, that's our next clip.
Maybe if we stick around long enough, they'll give us some of their hors d'oeuvres.
Hey, talk about jerkeys.
This way, Mayor.
Please, our Lord Neers is about to scoop up.
Welcome on this momentous occasion, and I might add, it's a wonderful turn out indeed.
This momentous occasion.
I know that, I know it.
It gives me a great personal pride to be part of this exciting new project.
Pacific Towers is not just another run of the mill, High Rise, it is a monument to the genius of architecture and engineering, and community relations.
Did he say High Rise?
Once ago, when this plan was first brought to me, I said...
You can count on this community's full support.
Hey, Craig, he's kidding about building here, isn't he?
Does that answer your question?
I knew if you were here, it had to be a drag, Craig.
Well, here, I'll tell you more about it, the exciting new Pacific Towers, the immanent developer, Mr.
Howard G.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
As all of you very beautiful people know, in only just a few short months, our gorgeous new Pacific Towers, 41 rand stories, gleaming, glistening tribute to mankind.
Bye.
John, John, they're taking our beach.
Great, just so they give it back.
I don't understand.
They're building on it.
Mimi, this is no time to be fooling around.
Hey, what are you doing?
Anodized aluminum, no wood, wood rots.
Then we will know where the capital has been, where it is going, and where it is going to stay.
What is that?
Looks like a bird.
It's a plane.
Sure as shit ain't super bad.
Down, here comes another one.
I'll bring her down.
Not out of season you won't.
You'll get them.
Did any of the jokes actually work for you in any of this so far?
No, no, none of the jokes worked for me.
I was just so happy that we weren't dealing with slavery or some other type of racism at this point.
Right, and there's no real rape in the film.
Everybody's having sex with each other.
Right, yeah.
It's really a lighthearted, save the rec center, horny teen hijinks movie that doesn't actually hurt anybody.
So yeah, I just felt a relief on that.
But yeah, no, none of these jokes landed for me.
Yeah, this is not a good movie.
It's just that it is the best movie that we've had in a while while covering Adamson, and we're just happy about that.
Yeah, pretty much.
But we get a good chase scene, and they got a four-wheeler, and the cop just has his car, so he gets stuck in the sand, and they're able to lose him.
The nerd kid takes the blonde lady.
He likes back to her house, and that is our next clip.
You know, you really didn't have to do this.
I wanted to.
You know, you won't need those for a while.
No.
Will I see you again?
It's going to be a long summer.
I don't see why not.
Hey, how about tonight?
We're all meeting up at Mimi's house to plan a protest about the building project.
Hey, that's a good idea.
Oh, she's got a great place, and her parents are at home, and the Lowriders, you know the band from school, where they're going to be doing some rehearsals.
Oh, come on, it'll be a blast.
Well, you really want me to?
I don't drink, and well, I don't know how much fun I'll be.
Look, you've got a good head on your shoulders, and we need all the brains we can get if we're going to tackle City Hall.
Why the change of heart?
Well, you're not the turkey I thought you were.
Okay, look, I can't promise, but I will try.
See, I'm supposed to help my uncle prepare a legal brief tonight.
You see, you're not just another pretty face.
You're going to be the next Clarence Darryl.
Yeah, I wish.
Mimi's is at the top of the hill.
You can't miss it.
I'm just a nerd, I don't drink.
Fucking nerd.
Anyway, that's the end of that first 30 minutes.
I don't drink, come on, man.
Fucking nerd, no, just...
Yeah, but I mean, you know, you use other recreational things.
OK, so if somebody doesn't imbibe in some way, shape, or form, they're automatically a nerd, do you?
Yes, nerd.
Unless they're in recovery, then they weren't nerd enough, and they need to nerd up now, because that's for safety.
God, you're so fucking juvenile, even in your 40s.
Yeah, anywho.
Yeah, so the comedy stuff fails miserably, but it's still enough of a fun romp in its half-hearted attempts at trying to be a comedy to where it's tolerable.
And there's tits all the way through this, and almost all of it is enjoyable.
All tits all the time.
And yeah, and again, it's so innocent, and it's what it's doing, and that goddamn, good for it, you know?
Right, it's supposed to be light-hearted fun.
These kids have no worry at all.
They have no idea that their actions and everything that they're doing right now are going to lead to the inevitable demise of their children.
You know, no big deal.
What the hell?
What does that mean?
Holy shit.
I'm just speaking generationally, right?
They're trying to fight the man to protect the beach, dude.
They're actually trying to do something that their fucking kids probably aren't doing.
Yeah, but they also fucking failed, and then now we're all going to die because of climate change.
Well, yeah, I mean, sure.
I mean, okay, but at least they tried.
Right, right.
Sorry.
Focus on the fun, lighthearted stuff, not the fact that we're all going to die.
God damn, dude.
Listen, we all saw the presidential debate.
Yeah, we're all going to fucking die.
It's fine.
All right.
Let's just get this fucking movie done.
Why don't you distract me with the next fucking third of the film?
Yeah, let's get to year 10 before all this blood does blow the fuck up.
Okay, let's move then.
All right.
The next 30.
We're at Mimi's place.
The cops watching as everyone gets there.
The band's getting going.
Everyone's grooving.
It's a fun time.
The other van peeps show up and they double park, so the cops rate them a ticket.
They enter the party, and that's our next clip.
Hey, man, you got the wrong entrance.
Deliveries are made around the corner.
This guy's a barrel of ass.
I mean it.
No further, okay?
Hey, don't have a cow, dipshit.
Johnny, excuse the lady's language.
Now can we come in?
Why not?
Maybe he has some ideas about the coat.
Besides, it's his beach, too.
All right, but no grab-ass, Moose, and you keep it in your pants.
Kelsky, you're a prince.
What can I tell you, Moose?
When you're right, you're right.
And this time, you're right.
Hey, Manny, where you got the stuff tonight?
Hey, okay.
But we don't have our bathing suits.
But the pool's over there.
All right, more hijinks.
Everyone gets thrown into the pool.
Everyone's having fun.
This is a fun party.
This actually looks like a fun fucking party.
So good for them.
This looks like a good time.
Mimi certainly does have a good place now that her parents aren't home because parents are a drag.
Always remember that.
I got lost there.
Anyway, the nerd kid then finally gets to the party, runs into the blonde lady who is his interest, and she's got a wet see-through shirt right now, and that is our next clip.
I hope you're not shocked.
No pleasantly surprised is more like it.
I guess I really had been at those books too long.
I didn't mean to stare, but you really are beautiful.
Homeboy really did make it obvious that he was staring, but I mean, what's a guy to do, right?
Yeah, right.
I mean, also nerd boy who sounds like he's always in the books and not looking at the ladies.
That may have been the first pair of boobs that he's ever seen.
Like, I don't even think this guy has watched a movie that might have had tits in it.
Nope, nope.
This might have been an amazing thing for him.
Anywho, so he actually likes the beer, that fucking nerd.
Cops sees a naked lady get out of one of the vans and running into the house, so he follows.
A new girl jumps in the pool.
Everyone's having fun.
Guy takes nerd to off to go get some Jack Daniels.
Cops shows up, says he's gonna make sure there's a call to complain so then he can come and bust the party.
And while he's threatening everybody, Moose and the girls push his cop car down the road because it's at the top of a hill, so he has to go run after it.
The blonde is looking for a nerd, and that is our next clip.
I liked you better before without the jacket.
Oh yeah?
And you can save one of those for me.
No thanks, I don't smoke.
I'm down to two packs a day now.
Nope, and if he didn't bring any food, I don't want.
To.
No, sorry, I don't drink.
Then what do you call what we've been doing?
Well, I mean I don't drink.
Well, I'll drink to that.
You ain't such an egghead, after all, Crowley.
And if you can help us save our beach, I'll make you a charter member of this club.
Go ahead, drink it all.
I guess maybe Mike left.
We must have shot him.
That's a bummer.
We could have really used his input for our beach, too.
Yeah.
Well, we better get our meeting started pretty soon.
Otherwise, we may as well forget about it.
That's for sure.
Yeah, this meeting is pretty much a bunch of kids getting drunk and fucking.
Yeah, that is definitely what this is.
It's definitely not anything good.
It's not actually trying to solve anything.
It's separate trying to solve the ever living problem of being sober and not having sex.
I mean, this is basically an allegory for the entire movement of the 60s of trying to make the world a better place.
They got too busy getting fucked up and fucking to really do any good.
Yeah.
No, I mean, you're exactly right, but I'm not going to blame them.
Anyway.
Right.
Who wouldn't?
I mean, I'm saying, listen, we were supposed to start everything too in the late 90s, and then we got too into new metal and getting fucked up.
So I don't know, man.
I don't know what to tell you.
Personally, I didn't get into new metal at all, ever.
So, you know, I was just...
That's good.
That's good for you.
It was a bad drug to get hooked on.
Yeah, it was bad for everyone that got involved with it.
Yeah, it really was.
It really was.
There are some occasions where I still whistly look back on it.
So anyway, the nerd wakes up and he's just passed out by the pool.
He stumbles out and he climbs into the blonde's bedroom with flowers.
And that is our next clip.
I sure don't need a back adjustment.
And how are your vertebrae?
I thought you didn't drink.
I don't.
I deliver flowers.
Look, you better go to the bathroom and stick some toothpaste in your mouth.
Here, you'll just hold my head.
I like your other outfit better.
You and everybody else.
Are you out of your gourd?
What, you weren't so modest at Mimi's before.
Why now?
That's because it's not swimming that you've got on your mind.
Well, you're right about that.
You told me I've been missing out on a lot.
I just figured it's time I caught up.
Now, wait a minute.
It's my father.
Listen, you've got to get out of here.
I'll make it up to you, I promise.
When?
Now?
Trust me, you've got to get out of here.
Inappropriate, Mr.
Nerd.
Yeah, you can't do it like that, man.
You can't whip it out until they ask.
Yeah, you got a little overexcited.
Yeah, he fucked up.
Sometimes that happens, all right?
You know, she was fine, though.
Yeah, later on, it all evens out.
He rode off on his motorcycle, though, naked, that had to burn a lot.
I don't even know if you're really supposed to be wearing shorts naked, or shorts riding a motorcycle.
You definitely want to have some flame-proof and somewhat heat-resistant material between you and the bike when your legs are concerned, absolutely.
Yeah, that just seemed painful.
Just genuinely riding something like that naked is a bad idea anyway.
Yeah, so Al, I guess for him, outstow population, you bro.
But again, the comedy that's in that just falls short.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, well.
So, open this up here.
The group meets up again, and this is our next clip.
Anybody know where the hot dogs are?
Didn't you get enough last night?
Last night?
You guys got the food before I could eat it all.
Hey, how do you do?
Greetings.
Listen, gang, we partied yesterday and didn't come up with one idea to save our beach.
Yeah, but we came up with a lot of other ideas.
Bart's right.
We have to get down to business on this thing.
Well, I still think we ought to go over the fence, change the grade stakes, so when they pour the foundation on Monday, it's just a little bit wobbly.
Nah, that wouldn't stop them.
We need some leverage.
That's what we need.
Something that would make the mayor and the builders take us seriously.
But what?
I've got it.
Let's jam.
Hey, what are you doing with my keys, lady?
I've got a plan.
I've got one phone call to make, and then we're home free.
Home free?
You're going to be home free if you take my van.
I don't know, Mayor.
I don't see any signs of trespassing.
It's as quiet as a tomb, not according to the phone call I got.
You mean you got me down here on Saturday, interrupted a good golf game just to tell me about some crank call?
A woman on the phone said that they had wire cutters and were flying a green ecological flag.
Do you see a flag?
Crag?
I don't see any flag.
Of course not.
Hey, Mayor, I've got to go check with the dispatcher.
I'll talk to you later.
You do that, Crag.
Go about your business.
While we're down here, I think we'd better go over this beach really good.
I tell you there's nothing to it.
Good God, there's someone out there drowning.
No, it's Craig.
Craig, he's never around when you need him.
Forget Craig.
It's too late.
Yes, we've got to save her.
You've got to save her.
I've got to save her.
You're the mayor.
I'm the mayor?
You're the mayor.
I am the mayor.
You're welcome.
Don't you worry.
So he strips down, he goes to saver, and of course, she steals his underwear in there.
And he comes running out, and of course, it's a ploy.
All the other kids are there, and they are all taking pictures to use as blackmail.
The girls drop their tops, and they're making it look like a naked mayor is chasing two topless teenage girls on a beach.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
Exactly.
And, you know, fun, fun.
Fun for everyone's having a good time.
So anyway, then they all get out of there, they get back into their van after all that.
And that is our next clip.
I wish I could run the photo on the cover of The Times.
Or the real estate page.
When will the film be ready, man?
Hey, John, I really think you ought to develop that yourself.
I mean, well, that's hot stuff.
Boy, I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Well, he could do for skinny legs and tight asses what Carter did for peanuts.
You mean big asses aren't in?
Only in politics.
Where are the pictures?
Oh, they're not ready yet, but they'll be ready tomorrow.
That's cool.
We'll have them in plenty of time for the council meeting.
Hey, McCowsky, somebody just totaled your van.
Only kidding, McCowsky, only kidding.
Hey, Chubbs, what's happening, man?
You know, your presence isn't particularly wanted around here, Moose.
You know, frankly, I find your sense of humor a very bit perverse.
What are you trying to say, Bozo?
He's trying to tell you to scram, Moose.
Hey, I ain't scramming.
Me and my girls came here to help.
With what?
With the beach.
We figure it's our beach, as much as your beach.
Yeah, well, thanks but no thanks.
Now beat it.
Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Moose is right.
If he wants to help out, why not?
Yeah, if I want to help, you better stay out of my way.
I don't know, Randy.
Listen, Moose is worth a standing army alone.
He'd be a great help.
You know, Randy, you're all right.
As a token of my appreciation, I want you to meet Bubbles and Pig Iron.
Hello?
Hey, you're even better looking than Chubbs.
Hey, wait a minute.
Hey, Chubbs, we love you, but...
Oh!
Where are they going with him, Moose?
A long ride.
All right.
So, yeah, they give that kid a ride of his life, and he gets a threesome.
You get a threesome.
Everyone gets a threesome of the back of fucking the van there.
Like I said, I think these ladies just like to share men, and that's their kink.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, and that's the end of that 30 minutes.
And that's a pretty long ass threesome scene.
So that ends that 30 minutes for me, going to the final 30 minutes.
Yeah, they threw a lot of the sexy in this threesome scene.
These kids really went after it.
And they have the girls interacting a lot more than what you would think.
And it's basically a ploy at softcore sex.
But there's a couple of sequences where it almost crosses the line, but it's just basically like you're driving fair sex scene, more or less.
Yeah.
And there ain't nothing wrong with it.
No, this was very enjoyable compared to the last couple of fucking weeks that we've been doing this show with Al Adamson.
This is definitely something worth talking about in that regard.
But there's not really a lot to talk about other than they get making with the fuck.
I mean, that's pretty much what happens in a lot of this.
Making with the fuck.
Yeah.
But it's a good time.
What's going on with this blackmail?
Like are we going to do this blackmail?
Where's the film?
What are they doing with that?
Are we just all going to sit around and have sex?
Yeah.
But first, you got to drink some more and have some more sex.
Let's move on.
Let's just finish it off.
Let's just get it done.
Cut to an office building, and that is our next clip.
Will you relax?
It was a prank.
A couple of girls playing a practical joke.
It was kind of funny.
I'm not using for you to laugh, but if word of this gets out, I'm ruined.
You can see my hair lusting after teenagers on New Speech.
I don't know what's what was their angle.
They had something else in mind.
I'm probably sitting around right now talking about how it stifles us.
You stop.
You seem to forget what I've got in mind.
I mean, for 25 grand, I should think you could keep the god damn Beast Patrol.
I mean, that was our deal, right?
I think we're overreacting.
Why don't we talk about this later?
You're rubbish.
I'm willing to bet we're going to hear from those girls.
That's it.
You don't think they've even probably got this place bugged right now?
You tedious little bastards.
What is this country coming to?
I refuse to be intimidated.
A man in white.
Got what?
My old nose.
That doesn't bug me, will you?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Yes, yes, I'm afraid he is.
It's for you.
Hello?
This is the mayor speaking.
Who?
Your cousin Ollie.
Not your cousin Ollie, not the photo shop.
Oh, yes, Ollie.
Yeah, hey, guess what I got?
You cockwad.
You sure?
Are you sure it's me?
I'm sure it's you, all right.
Oh, I won't let nobody look at them.
No, I'll take care of them.
You can take care of me.
Your enterprise will be rewarded, Olly.
And besides the petitions that we plan to circulate are also organized by Mr.
Crowley.
I see no reason to continue this any longer.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Oh, really, I haven't made my main points yet.
Gentlemen, it seems that our learned young friend here is stalling.
We all know that beautiful city towers.
Now, at this time, we have other evening works to carry on, so we'll be right along.
Now, please!
Gentlemen, if you'll just grant me one moment.
Your time there, Junior, take your time.
Quick photo.
Man, I'll table this project in no time.
My counselor wrote it below.
What do you mean?
Shit out of luck.
Olly Maxwell says the camera had a light leak.
Not even one?
Damn roll was overexposed.
Yes, we had them overexposed.
Sorry, Mr.
Crowley, but we can't wait any longer.
Uh, there's been a slight miscalculation, gentlemen.
I'll have to present my case at some later date.
You do that, Junior.
Now, gentlemen and citizens, this meeting will take a fifteen minute recess.
Ollie, here's the two hundred I promised you.
Two hundred?
Cousin Donald, did you promise me two hundred?
Ollie, don't get smart now.
Well, better late than never.
Besides, I was planning to go to Hawaii.
How's the dollars?
Black pay, Ollie, and I won't stand for it.
Well, how would you like me to give those kids back their pictures?
I'll have the rest for you tomorrow.
Thank you, Cousin Donald.
Oh, the girls are in love with the pranks.
So last time I kissed your ass, I'm gone.
What kind of cute pictures you got?
Nothing, just some fish things.
No, you wouldn't need them.
And they're special.
Special ones.
Special ones.
And I don't want you anybody's pictures.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, I can take care of these right away.
Right away?
Well, maybe not right away.
So we kind of see she's trying to grab...
He had dropped a cigarette in the waste baser basket, and she's trying to grab the photos, and the photos fall in there.
And so the whole place lights on fucking fire.
Well, the trash can goes up, yes.
The trash can, yeah.
And she has to run out.
So they're pretty fucked now, because now the pictures are definitely destroyed.
And we go back to the burger joint in our next clip.
How can you say that, Joyce?
You got a quarter you can loan me.
I mean, what's eating you?
What do you think?
Just think.
This time last summer, we were down at our beach doing our thing.
Yeah, but who can enjoy themselves with cement mixes grinding away in your ears?
Hey, well, let's face it.
I mean, our shoreline is banishing.
Pretty soon, there won't be any beaches left to enjoy.
They're all being swallowed up by the money machine.
Great speech, Mike.
But...
Yeah, but...
Yeah, but we've got to stop them.
How?
Hey, let's bring in Steve Austin.
Sure, and Wonder Woman and ISIS and the Bionic Woman too, I suppose.
That's about what it's going to take.
An army.
No, there's got to be some legal way.
An army!
Oh, cut the crap, memes.
No, I mean it.
We'll get every kid in the county that can wear a swim trunk.
On your feet, troops.
Who says we can't beat City Hall?
Come on!
Well, while we get a kids' rallying montage, and the rallying at the beach, and the bad guys all get there, and that's our next clip.
Another one of your wild goose chases, Nix.
I assure you, Howard, this call came from the foreman himself.
All right, let's go.
What's going on here?
I can see that.
If I could only think of something to say.
This is my property, and they have no right to be here.
Soylent Green?
I don't know, a new political group run by radicals.
Look, we've got to get this beach cleared.
Do you know what a shutdown could cost us?
More than your share of the action.
You get those kids off that beach now!
Use the truck or the truck, just get those kids off that beach!
I can't do that, Mayor.
Why?
My kid's down there.
Get your kid off the beach!
Your daughter's with him.
Like your mother!
What it takes, call Craig, but I want this beach cleared now!
Alright, so the cops then arrest some of the kids and take them away in a van.
But the nerd, he's looking into the legal stuff, and this is our final clip.
What's the problem, youngster?
Sure you know what you're looking for?
Well, it's just all so complicated.
I mean, I don't even know where to begin.
That's how it's supposed to be.
Keep the amateurs off the fray.
Now then, who's the quarry and what's the game?
I fail to see the significance of that, young man.
Now, the court allowed you to interrupt the arraignment of these alleged trespassers because you carried yourself well and because you had an air of urgency.
But nothing you've told me so far shows that the Pacific Tower Development, or Mr.
Dexter's firm, is in any way liable.
If the court will allow me just one moment, I can find a statute in here.
If you'll just give me a little bit of time, it will prove very conclusively that what I have been talking about has been substantiated, and that there is in fact precedent for this.
Your Honor, please.
If I might be allowed to address the bench, you're all right.
Is that you, Harley?
Well, now, don't tell me they arrested you, too.
Not at all.
I'm merely the consultant of this young counselor here.
I think his information is more into hearing, if it allows to prefer for a moment.
Very well.
I think in view of the fact that Mr.
Winslow is a former judge of this court, that we may give him this opportunity.
We will see momentarily.
Judge?
I was fostered by a fraudulent misuse of tax monies and public funds, and solely for the purpose of personal gain, hardly for public welfare, I might add.
But that's for another court to determine.
That's a mighty serious statement you've just made.
I hope you can back that up in case it's ever necessary.
As the lifetime student of the law, I seldom speak of privilege in court.
You know that.
Besides which, at the proper time, this young gentleman will more than exonerate me and these accusations by requesting a public rendering of the city's expenditures.
Then, once the grand jury has examined the evidence, which the Young People's Task Force is now investigating and assembling, it's a foregone conclusion that all rights to the beach property in question will revert back to the city, and held in trust for the good of the public.
But enough of this rhetoric and promissory announcements.
The day belongs to the young people of our city, the true custodians of the future, because of their civic diligence and positive action over the last few days.
However, on all rights to the people will justly be maintained.
Counselor.
Your Honor, if you permit me, I'd like to read one of the statutes from the original county charter, which I'm sure you will see will show that Mr.
Dexter and his firm had no right to purchase that beach property to begin with.
Now, in 1902, the law was passed, county seat, protecting the original deed given in 1877 by the family of Juan Guadalupe Salvarez Zuma, stating that said beach property shall remain public domain in perpetuity.
And perpetuity!
It does my heart good to be able to share this moment with you on our beach.
I want you to know that sleazy promoters like Dexter think that they can come into little towns like ours, Pacifica, and run roughshod over us.
But I assure you that those who have perpetuated so much greed the past few weeks will be brought to justice.
I have personally seen to that.
You're mayor, and I want to assure you that our beach will be here as long as we have fast.
Mm-hmm, and roll credits.
Mm-hmm Oh, boy.
Yeah, so.
It's a fun, stupid little movie, but I'd rather have a fun, stupid movie than some of the horseshit we've been watching lately.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a highlight for that reason and that reason alone.
Yeah.
If this was the kind of thing.
It's not funny.
It's a USA Up All Night movie that when the tits are all edited out of, you just don't know why you're still watching it, other than hoping to see Ron Deshear between the breaks.
Yeah.
You're hoping that maybe, just maybe out of some fucking way, maybe some titty accidentally get left in, you know, like the censors were going to fuck up the job.
Yeah, I never hoped that with USA.
I knew that just wasn't going to happen.
Yeah, no, USA was way too good.
Yeah, Up All Night was way too good at that.
Although the later it got, the more risque the material they did let slip through was, that's for sure.
That's true.
So you always kept you hoping.
Yeah.
The main reason you watched USA Up All Night was the fucking porn sex line ads that happened between the segments.
Yeah.
That shit was so fucking funny.
You're like, damn.
Yeah.
Anyway, not a bad film, not a terrific film, just kind of middle of the road.
But for as far as Save the Rec Center goes, I got to give a credit.
It was there before a lot of the other Rec Center movies were being saved in the 80s.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is a real kind of innovator, baby.
Even if you will.
It came out before Porky's, which is the most famous of the teen sex comedies.
It's the one that most people really their touchstone.
And Porky's combined a lot of teenage sex comedy to save the Rec Center movie.
It combined a lot of different genres of movies because Porky's is just a teenage sex romp.
They're not trying to save shit.
Yeah.
And if anything, they're trying to get away with having free sex from prostitutes in that film.
Or, you know, harassing girls in the girls shower.
You know, whatever.
Yeah.
Very inappropriate behavior.
Very true.
Who knew in the future you'd root for, what was it, Coach Man?
Or is that her name?
I can't remember her name.
For trying to bust the guy?
Let's move on.
We can do a story time and then we'll just close this shit out.
What do you think?
Yeah, that sounds good to me.
All right.
So on this Pirate Radio Edit, playing underneath us right now and taking us into the break for the storytime is Ramones with Rockaway Beach from 1977.
Rockaway Beach is like somewhere in New York or, you know, near where the Ramones actually grew up and everything, so.
But it was a song about hitching a ride to the beach, you know, to go have some fun, so I thought that would fit, and it's also from 1977.
Yeah, it's a beach, it's beachy.
I wonder if there's going to be anything beachy in our next Storytime.
I'm going to tell you the story about the time me and my friends closed Rec Center.
So anyway, me and my friends were the actual bad guys in a traditional movie and we fucking won.
Take that, motherfuckers, that's how the world works.
Let's see, storytime.
I have one, I got to figure out how I want to phrase this here without sounding like an asshole.
No, no, that's not too bad.
Okay, that's not bad at all.
This is kind of a goes with the movie.
It's an end of school story.
And every year in high school in my high schools, one of the things that happened at the end of the year was, and if you were driving around, everyone had like huge super soakers, water balloons or everything.
And they literally just drove around and they, you know, every car that had a high school parking tag on it, you were free game, and even if you like, there was one time I had a coworker of mine show up to work and they were drenched because they had their window down.
It's nice outside.
They landed a water balloon right in there.
And I got into what I would call, and I'm driving now a 1987 Cadillac, and I got into what I would call a high speed chase for some kids who wanted to drench me because they saw I was heading into work.
I was an hour late to work.
I ran three red lights, some of the dumbest shit.
I could have gotten killed just because I was like, I didn't want to be wet.
Just normal kid shit, right?
And I, during the last day, I always had like a squirt gun in like the side pocket of my door.
So if anybody pulled up and they had their window down, I knew them, I could squirt them.
And I did that a few times.
I did that once to, was it paying attention?
And I pulled right up and I just started squirting.
And like, one of the dudes at our school was kind of a bigger dude, like a bit of a psychopath, if you'd asked me.
Yeah, it was his girlfriend.
So he was in the car as well.
And I was like, oh, that's not good.
I'm gonna die soon.
Yeah, again, spent away in a 1987 Cadillac, a big boat of a car.
I don't know how I got out of that.
I did though.
I did, he didn't, he forgot about it.
I don't know.
I think he broke up with her like it was like a couple of weeks later.
So maybe he just didn't care as much anymore.
That's like, because I was like, oh, next, because that was my junior, summer after my junior year.
So I'm going to be a senior.
And I'm like, oh, that's going to make next year a bit rough.
I'm a little, I'm a little concerned, fellas, that I'm going to be in a lot of trouble.
And luckily, yeah, Andy moved away.
So I really, I was like, I scored big on this one.
Like, whoa, thank God your dad took a better job.
I was getting ready to fucking die.
You rolled a critical success on that one.
I really did.
Yeah.
I rolled, I rolled 20 on that.
I don't know how.
I rolled 20 for evade because I definitely didn't roll 20 for good charisma.
That definitely didn't happen.
Well, your charisma was already in the negative in that day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was bad.
You have to roll a nat 20 for your charisma to work ever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's right.
My charisma, I don't know what happened before I was born, but when I built my character, I was like, who needs charisma?
You spent it all on drink alcohol for a scale.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My ability to get hammered.
All right.
Jesus Christ, we just really dove into the fucking Warhammer and D&D fucking talking.
D&D shit.
Yeah, we sure did.
Let's play the show housekeeping here.
We're going to take the break and we come back on the Pirate Radio Edit.
We're going to have Iggy Pop with the song The Passenger, also from 1977, right after this.
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Oh, man, Higgy Pop's A Passenger, that's one of my favorite songs of his, actually.
Good shit.
Yeah, and I figured, you know, a lot of driving around, a lot of riding around, a lot of passengers, a lot of people riding each other, I figured that song fit pretty well, you know what I mean?
I would obviously agree with you, yeah.
It worked out just fine.
Well, the final song for that may or may not work out just fine for everybody to fit along with the theme with all the sex and riding and all of that kind of stuff.
It is this band, Television, with the song Friction, so enjoy that on the pirate radio edit.
Well, you kicked the fuck out of this week, you can't make it your bitch.
Recording in progress.
I kinda heard you there for a second.
Hello?
Yeah, it doesn't sound like you're coming through the regular mic though.
No, hold on one sec.
Hello?
That's a little better.
No, it's not.
Fuck it.
I hear you better.
Hello?
Hey, there we go.
Hey, now you sound way better.
There we go, finally.
Now we're on the mic.
Actually, it's not my phone at all.
It's, I believe I'm gonna have to use a different USB-C cord going into the mic, because that's what's causing the problem.
Oh, is it just USB-C to USB-C?
Yep.
I have another one.
I'll use it.
Yeah, I was gonna say, I was gonna ship you one.
You know, because I.
No, I got one.
I got a shit ton of them.
Yeah, you probably should in your particular area of work.
All right, so we're recording on both sides.
You're sounding great, and you're hearing this, right?
That's coming through.
Yeah, all right.
Word up.
Let's not fuck around, let's just get this over with, because after this, all we have is that commentary, and we're fucking done.
Yes.
Then we get to fucking the good shit.
Right?
The really good shit.
I can't wait for your 10.
Well, your 10's just gonna fucking kill it.
All right, I need to take a couple of hits before we do your notes.
You're going up first with Sunset Cove, okay?
All right, here we go.
I've smoked so fucking much this weekend, I've gone hoarse, you can tell.
Yeah, Jesus.
I was left to my own devices and unsupervised for way too long, man.
Yeah, you can't do that to you.
That's bad.
We're about to bring you the best in more podcasting.
What am I doing?
We don't have to listen to this.
Three, two, one.
Do this.
That's wrong.
I wanted to.
That's part five.
That's clip five that I delete too soon.
You might have, because we're only in the second part of that.
Let's see.
We should be on one, two, three, four.
We should be on the fourth clip.
Okay, I just deleted the world one too soon.
That's fine.
Let me turn it down.
Boy, this show is gonna be a fucking pain in the ass to edit.
Here we go.
All right, let's see here.
Oh, boy, okay.
Thanks It is this band Television with the song Friction, so enjoy that on the Pirate Radio Edit.
Well, you kicked the fuck out of this week and make it your bitch.
All right, that was Television's Friction.
I'm pretty sure you probably haven't heard that one before.
I've never heard of that.
Nope, thanks.
I love it when I can introduce you to new stuff.
Well, let's just fucking end this show, man.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Fuck it.
Recording stopped.