"Growing Pains" is a podcast about growing up and trying not to break down. Tune in weekly with Ginger, Kylie, Gianna, and Ashlee as they survive college life, relationships, and the chaos of adulthood during their first year at UNLV. There will be crying, ranting, potential punching, and lots of laughter. Growing pains - when it hurts, the best thing you can do is laugh!
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The content of this program does not reflect the views or opinions of 91.5 Jazz and more the University of Nevada Las Vegas or the Board of Regents of the Nevada System of Higher Education.
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Welcome to Growing Pains. I'm your host ginger, join me and my best friend as we talk about growing up we try not to break down
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bang bang,
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bang. Hello everyone episode. I believe it's a might be episode nine. It's up there.
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Eight Nine
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but another episode of Growing Pains. I'm Ginger. I'm joined by 1980.
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Pulled up right now. My eyes twitching. Oh, my Jordan, who's switching into weekend
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I'm Ileana, guys. I'm Ileana. Do I say my song with the week already? Or? Oh yeah, we can do. So I don't really want to and my song of the week is now that we don't talk by this. I will say one thing and one thing only think of this song and think of a past friendship not a romantic interest.
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That's a good one.
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Oh, that's in what context?
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So think of like an old friendship that didn't work out. Instead of a romantic interest.
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Your best friend is like a friend is so
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yeah, like a friend
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who's a friend. Yeah. Maddie Yeah,
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I mean, I have something like I thought of immediately, but it was more so like, I stopped being friends with them because I realized they were my friend for seven years and I didn't even know like anything about them. And they were like really, they like as they got older. Just like they got really bold about certain things and would be racist. And I was like That's disgusting. We're no longer friends. Good. Yeah, they once I'm going to it once had a certain phrase regarding a random interracial couple that we saw. And I was at Yeah, I'm not gonna say because it's gross. But you can you can guess. And yeah, it was really bad. And I was like at that point in the back of my mind I was like, You're my right here. When I get home I'm not friends with you anymore. Yeah,
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did your mom did you call your mom and did she say it was for the best
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I feel like friends like who your people who you're friends with it for that long you're just friends with them out of habit? Yeah,
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there are some people Oh yeah, for sure. That is share yo saga that week which we're joined by Maddie two amazingly
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beautiful my girlfriend guys. This is my oh my gosh. Make
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sure they know because there's a massive shortage going on. Oh, so if they see Maddie, just be careful. Like
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I literally will punch anyone. I'm sorry.
Unknown Speaker 2:52
I don't know if I mean it's not you're not like it's not super serious. But yeah,
Unknown Speaker 2:56
I am not super serious. I will punch anyone that looks like my girlfriend. Yeah, it's not serious though.
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So song of the week,
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my son of the week. I'm literally just gonna go off of my number 1am I on repeat, it's kreski by Dominic Fike. Oh
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I don't know whether I sound different but I really liked that song. It's a really good song. Mmm, good. Love that guy. Wait, is he bad?
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I like here like I mean, prison but that
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makes him really hot. Fortunately, that makes him really sad. Apple Yeah.
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Like like the brand or because
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like, because it's like for his little sister cuz she calls her the apple of his eye. Oh, that's
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adorable. So he didn't kill anybody Okay,
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I have this tweet I found on my like my old Twitter account from like 2018 where like, he posts on his Instagram. He was like anybody that like sends me a screenshot that like they listened to me on Spotify or whatever word that will get like a free entry and like a nude pic. And I was like, Yeah,
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you got really excited. We're really excited. I screenshot I put it on my Twitter. Like no, unfortunately guys.
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No, I'm not even. But I was like,
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Maddie aside. i
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ng so No, I'm just I'm trying to tell you guys I'm going to I'm going to be that person. I listened to him and like 2018 Yeah, like into
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he's talking about Dominic Fike. Correct. Okay, yeah, that was like peak brockhampton era too. Yeah, that guy found because he was like he showed up on dinner videos and stuff. Oh my
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Yeah. Well, you know what's crazy? That's actually going to change my time of the week. What you can go sure I'm gonna
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change yours. So actually, I I like to this week kind of evenly. They're both from the same band off the same album. Bands called Flying raccoon suit, and the records called All Moonflower the two songs One is called swan song, and the other is called sunflower. And they're both fantastic songs. And if you'd like ska music you really like it
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ska music ska band,
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I would absolutely actually me and my buddy kind of joked about doing that, but neither of us can play. He can play drums and then I can do vocals, but like, I can't play instruments. So yeah, it would just be him going hard on the drums and then me just like making random Yeah, just I can actually I don't know about singing, singing but like when it comes to like hardcore punk and stuff like I can I can bring it yeah,
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do Yeah, but my song of the week because you mentioned Rockhampton, I'm the only person who I think is like phi like, okay, and not a terrible person from Rockhampton, Ryan Beatty?
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Which one is he? Well, he remember saying
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sugar. Oh, main vocal. So he like has a beautiful voice. But he released an album that I really love and my favorite song off of it is wanted to cinnamon bread by Ryan Beatty. He's really good. You guys got to listen to him. Like this album was life changing and brutal and devastating and perfect for me. This week? Yeah, but it actually this is a fun podcast because we all realize that we're in like different stages of like, a relationship or like love. So wha is very single right now
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in my sound on that, by the way. She's just loving herself in that moment.
Unknown Speaker 6:32
Yes. Amen. Self love ladies preach. Um, yeah. So I'm very single. But I'm in my bachelor era talking to I have copyright on that name, guys. Okay. Yeah. And Liana has trademarked that phrase. Wes. Yeah. You're you're in the stages of like, Yeah,
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I'm just starting to date somebody, which is really fun. My first first like, what will be a serious relationship in six or seven years? Wow. Since 2017. So yeah, it's been fun. We went on a first date to Zia, because he never been to a record store. And I was like, welcome to my favorite store. And then we just walked around and I just geeked out about music. And she was like, I like hearing you talk. And I'm like, Okay. She told me I texted her before we started being like, hey, if I'm I mentioned you on the podcast, is that cool? Just like, be respectful. She's like, absolutely. So her name is Maria. She's beautiful. At least I think so. It's really cute. Awesome moment.
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I love love you and Maddie, you Ileana and Maddie are a couple and they've been going strong. And can I just mention that they are one of the sweetest and like, most like you look up to them as a couple. They're really like a really pretty, like, really kind of like true, genuine love to see. Oh. So it's interesting. I mean, you guys tell us. I mean, how long have you been dating? Now? Tell us about your relationship a little bit. Okay,
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so do you want to go or should I go? Go? Okay.
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You're itching.
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So I've been dating now for like, like, two, not two months yet, but like a month, inching towards two months. But we've been talking since July. And we had our first day like first Friday of July. And it was like literally immediate sparks. Because, um, so it was our first day and our like, our day lasted, like, maybe like, two, three hours. Like, honestly, I don't think that's like that much. And I remember I didn't want to go home and I was like, I was like, I was like, Would you be down to go to karaoke with my friends. And I was actually very scared because like, my, like, I have a big group of friends. Like, it's not like, oh, like, Let's go karaoke was my two besties it's like, there's like five other people
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on the podcast that you guys. You guys have met? You know, we have like it that is daunting. It's like, loud. Yeah.
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I can save I can say yeah, I
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was. I was there too. And I will say I noticed right away Maddie clicked. And I do feel like you either really click or you just don't at all with the group and
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something that I have to mention like, I've like briefly like touched on like the invisible string between Madison and I like the invisible string between Maddie and Ashley and like within my friend group is also really crazy. Because like, I found out that Ashley and Maddie like you still live on the same block. Like they weren't exactly neighbors but like they went to middle school elementary and middle school together.
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Yeah. And we lived in the same neighborhood had the same like childhood Park.
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Oh, like she went to school with Kylie who's also on the podcast
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listeners. We just didn't cross paths but like you were always kind of
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the same as me, but they're like a grade below me. So like we were always like we always
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barely have an early birthday, don't you? Yeah,
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I'm in July. Yeah.
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Oh, yeah, that's
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cool. It's so cute. Well, ya know, like seeing your guys's relationship, and especially because it is like a queer relationship too. Like, for me, it's more special. Because I'm literally I want what you guys have like, it's so sweet and so pretty. I love
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Jesus, I see what you're doing for the people I would like that for me.
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Is one of my favorite parts of a relationship is the beginning. Yeah,
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I love the honeymoon phase is hitting hard for me and Maria tell you that much. Ya know, it's wild already. Yeah, it's pretty nice though. It's like genuine. It's one of those things where it's like it started just because of like it, the whole thing started because a mutual friend of ours, like her best friend, I record, one of the students shows with her. And so I actually had met Maria like a year ago, but only knew her when she would randomly come around. But she's not a regular on that podcast, even though she was supposed to be in the beginning. So she ended up coming around a couple weeks ago, and we just been happen to be talking since. And our mutual friend was kinda like, she's very, very extroverted and very, like, just Jen genuinely encouraging. So she was like, Oh, hey, like, both of you are single, and you want to talk and we're just, we're both like deer in the headlights. Like, I didn't expect that. And so we started talking, and just because kinda, and turns out, we just kind of hit it off and have like, similar. I don't know, like, we want similar things in relationships, and like friendships and talked already a lot about ourselves, and like our lives, before meeting each other, and kind of thing, like where we're coming from, but we've been through pretty serious stuff. I mean, it's like, I don't know, it was like, really hanging out with her and talking to her for only a couple days. And it was like, learning a lot of like, real deep stuff. And it was like, Whoa, this is kind of happening fast. But it's also happening kind of like, very naturally, very organically. So like, my thing was like, I don't want to rush into something because I'm definitely that person. I love pretty hard. Like I love hard. So I'm just like, I don't want to rush into something and like, burn it out. And I want it like last, you know, so I was like, oh, no, I don't know. And then she's like, No, I'm the same way. And I'm like, okay, so we have like the same kind of mindset and like, yeah, and then a few days later, she like I told my therapist about just Oh, you have a therapist. That's awesome. Exactly. No, it was a lot. Yeah, it was exactly was like a lot of green flags. And like, I was able to tell her like, I've been doing a whole lot of like my own therapy and trying to like, learn and grow and always be a better person. And that's been like a several year long thing. And she's like, Nah, me too. I've also been doing that. So we we've just kind of found ourselves in like, similar places in life. And it's just kind of just kind of working out so far. I love that. Yeah.
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Sometimes like being like, cuz you brought up how you guys want the same thing? Yeah. Sometimes, like you can meet another person that like, is exactly like you and you guys have like the same interest and stuff. But that can mean nothing if you don't want the same things. Yeah, seriously. Yeah, like the person you are now. Like, it's not going to dictate like your future and stuff. You have to find someone that's compatible with like what you want. Yeah,
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you know, what's crazy about that sentence is I did not follow that in my first relationship. Oh, I
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thought you meant like, I wasn't listening. And wasn't even followed. There was a fly and
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I think I was telling you guys about this right before we started were because I'm in that stage of like talking to new people and I enjoy I've always I know a lot of people not to make it sound like I'm a like layer. It's kind of like talking to a lot of people obviously I was in one serious relationship. But I didn't notice that like every kind of like, love or like situation or just relationship in general that I've had romantically there was always something super intense about it or something crazy about it. Like my first relationship. She wasn't even out yet. Like when we first met it was like crazy because like when I hear you talk about like the natural like we just naturally knew it was never yeah, I've always had like a crazy war I had to go through and then like
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you had a fight like seven evil exes or something crazy like full Scott
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Pilgrim like I would always have to like go through something crazy and then we end up together and like with my situation story
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of my first relationship. Yep, roller coaster. I know how that goes.
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So I'm like ready for something to like, naturally just happen well, because you guys wouldn't like it was pretty. I was gonna say I'm gonna say when you guys because I was at the karaoke with you guys. I pulled Ileana to the side. I was like you're gonna date this girl. I knew it. You know there's just natural. Like there was something like You know, or you could just tell with you guys
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you guys are talking about like taking things really slow and stuff Maddie and I had the exes conversation like on our first date about
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like literally trauma dumping
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me and Maria did literally it started and ended almost and this is embarrassing stories is of like, she brought something up and fell apart. And then like, it was all good. And we talked through things and then later that same night I fell apart. And she was there and it was just like, okay, cool. Like neither of us were even like fazed almost. And it was just really encouraging and really sweet. And same we had like the, here's like my previous relationship type stuff for both of us. And we both had like, she had a long term relationship that she stayed in for a lot longer than she ever should have in hindsight. And I had a similar thing where it was like, there was like, it was like the of my previous relationship. It was like the first two thirds of it was great. And then the last stretch of time being not even together with this person, but around her and just shouldn't have happened in hindsight. Like it wasn't, we tried to be healthy after breaking up and it just, it just didn't work. It was one of those things like, even despite our best intentions, it wasn't the way to go about things. So she learned all about about that about me. And I learned all about her and it was like, Yeah, you start with the trauma dumping and that can always be kind of that's always kind of weird. But yeah, when
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it comes like a from a genuine, like, emotionally vulnerable state of, like real part of myself. I'm not using this as like,
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points, or something. Yeah, leverage or something weird. Yeah.
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Yeah. It's like exposing like the most like, like the darkest part of yourself. Like, I've always okay, this is gonna be so like, I don't know, like, I just, I just I really love to give love out and like, I'm never gonna be the type of person that's like, Oh, like this so and so person hurt my feelings when I said this. So I'm never gonna, like, be open like that again. And like, like everything that I did tell Maddie like, it's like things that I've like, struggled with, like before, like things that like, some of my friends don't even know. Because it's like something that's embarrassing. It's like, like, innate, like, it's in there hidden. And I don't know, I was like, You know what, like, I really liked this girl to take a chance with you. And it worked. So like, yes,
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that's yeah, that's how I find myself right now. It's just like, I don't know, if I don't know what I'm doing. And she's like, I don't know what I'm doing. And I was like, Cool. Let's figure it out together. And it's kind of going, we talked about basically, like, what are we looking for? And it was like, just something fun and easy going and not taking anything. Like I had told her. I want to be sincere. I don't want to be serious. Yeah, because like my last relationship, it for lasting as long as it did. It was very young love, like 1920 You know, and only 29 now so it's like, I'm not super old or anything but like, I also wasn't the type to date. So like, that was my first really relationship. So like I had a lot to kind of like learn on the fly. And it was like I did a good job for that time period. But it was like looking looking back it's like I'm I got hung up on like, the relationship and like having feeling insecure about like, Am I good enough? Am I doing the right things is like, it felt like it was morally having to be a certain way or adhere to like some kind of an invisible checklist or like these expectations that no one actually ever said they just kind of lived in the space between us kind of thing. It was weird. So I was like now I don't know not about that. Now I'm not doing that now I'm kind of like I have the tools in the toolbox with my mental health to be able to like huh no, that's an intrusive thought. No, that's anxiety and depression lying to like, you know,
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I'm also I just want to say one thing for the listeners out there if you go on a first date, and they talk about their ex. The reason that everyone at this table it was a healthy conversation is because they are over their ex when they talked about it. Be careful of that. Okay. Big difference. They're not over their eggs. Yikes. Rod. Yeah, that's not good. But you can have like real genuine good conversations about exes. Just be careful of that. Yeah,
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he's literally telling me like there's a difference between being over someone and being over a situation or never getting over a situation.
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Yeah, I mean, like, Maddie and I have like conversations about like, what our exes did to us and like and it's like healthy it's felt like I don't want to hear about her. I don't want to Yeah, yeah, it's like you just have to create like a little safe space where like
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you're holding space for exactly. Yeah, you got to process that grief man. You got to whatever it is. You just
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had conversations like yesterday. That's really
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all there is once was a big girl I've been talking to and she's like, really, really sweet. And I've been getting the giggles and I haven't gotten that in a little while and her family knows she's gay. Oh, yeah, very openly and like,
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something that ginger deserves because I'm crazy. Like you just mentioned, like your first relationship, like, she was not out. And as much as like we tried to, I don't know, like, love is love and like, love is like patience and whatever. And whatever. But like, love is everywhere. But like, honestly, if they wanted to, they would I agree. Yeah, that's,
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I went to, I go to therapy, everybody. I think everyone knows that. But I talked to my therapist about that. And she brought up a good point of like, I know, like, she's like, I know what you felt was true love, but you never received true love from her. You know, she might have been able to love you to some extent, but it was always conditional. And I realized, like, from my perspective, like being single now, I'm definitely have this like, crazy perception of love. Because I'm so used to literally sacrificing every part of myself to be with someone. It's true. I think I've always done that. Doesn't have to be like that. And that was something I learned from you. And like, obviously, seeing was how you talk about her and like, I see it. Like, even my mom and dad. You know, it's like, I see that everywhere. But I'm not you. I have no idea what that's like. So I'm like in this weird stage of like, no, no, no. Like, you know, that little quote from Wait, I'm literally blanking on the name, but we we accept the love we think we deserve Yeah.
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Queer cinema.
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So it's weird, because I think like, when I think of the lab, I thought I deserved it then and think of it now. It's completely two different types of love. Like I was completely okay with being stepped all over and like, you know, being silly and goofy and not very happy and crying all the time.
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I remember that stage.
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I remember like, there.
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I would show like, shake her like, dude, like was half out of it. Like you don't deserve this. She was just so in her own little world. It's so bad. So it
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is like a weird thing of like, even though I do feel like yes, I was in love. But I think what you said before was like, I wanted to be in love, or like wanted to be loved. Yeah. So in my mind, I was like, Well, if I have to go through this for someone to love me, then that's like what I have to do and they don't
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realize that you don't have to go through that in order to be loved in the first place. Yeah, crazy
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discovery guy.
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Because I actually, yeah, therapy after my first like, Girl, like relationship.
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Girl relationships go crazy. But
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therapy actually, like, I think my therapy actually works. Yeah, exactly. Like, it healed me. Like, I wouldn't be the same person without it.
Unknown Speaker 23:09
Yeah, sure. It wasn't like a good therapy or just good. healthy communication period. Yeah, seriously
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healthy communication. You and I
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was being went to therapy, they went over their axes.
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That is so true. That is such a lesbian thing is like not being over your ex, which I think is like so nasty and weird. And because like, I think partially it's like, it's kind of like encouraged like, oh, like I'm not over my accent it's it's kind of
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romanticized in a lot of ways. Like
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it's funny like it's just like expected at this point.
Unknown Speaker 23:47
It's like, are you I think it comes from and it's like, here's my master's degree popping out. But like, because I'm always talking about music all the time. A lot of it is singer songwriters talking about their personal lives and everything. So because we get the curtain pulled back on like conceivably every different phase or piece or whatever, however you want to break it down, have those relationships or have those connections. It's easy because it's public or because it's like this revered artist that's talking about it that like oh, well it sounds romantic. Regardless of the context of the song It sounds nice or sounds appealing because you're like it's out there for the for the public. It's literally out there to be listened to and enjoyed and like oh, it's the latest in their saga or their era or whatever. So it's easy to take their that one piece and see the bigger puzzle of like a picture of the album and be like oh, it's like actually don't romanticize it if because it's not healthy Actually,
Unknown Speaker 24:46
can I add my two cents? So okay, two different reasons why I think it's so like accepted in our society Basically, first one, mask lesbians like, just like the the masculinity Do you love it like how men are typically never over their first love? I think it's something that like, it carries on like without you really thinking about it because like, I don't know, like, as much as like, like people try to ignore it like gay the gay community tries to ignore it like when a girl gets into a relationship with a girl, there's always that little like power struggle of like, who's more masculine and who's more feminine and stuff. And I felt like when I first started dating Maddie because like, I felt like I had to stick to my femininity and like, she wouldn't like me if I like showed up in basketball shorts or something. And it's like that masculinity like, you carry that in you the second you start liking a woman. And then yeah, that's all that's yeah, that's no,
Unknown Speaker 25:40
that's so true. Yeah, go with that of law. Because I think a lot of people, when I talk to girls for the first time, some of them will treat me like a man. And it makes me so sad. I'm like, Oh, girl.
Unknown Speaker 25:55
You go out of your way to not come out.
Unknown Speaker 25:58
I do look very much presenting. I'm literally still a girl. Yes, I
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can like feeling.
Unknown Speaker 26:06
Good feeling. Like truly like, I do think, like, I've been treated like a man and like human relationship a little bit. Like I was like, quote, unquote,
Unknown Speaker 26:20
count how many Madison can tell you how many times I've told her I was like, the second I started treating you like a man literally break up with me punch me in the face like me. Like, if I ever made her feel like that. I would just like,
Unknown Speaker 26:30
please check me before. Yeah, no, that's interesting to think about because like, obviously, I wouldn't, I wouldn't think about oh, yeah, that's gonna be part of a relationship as well. But I think it's, it's it's funny that it still hinges on the masculine trait because even despite our best efforts, and you guys being being women and femme presenting, period, you're still like, all this patriarchal idea of like, a masculinity in the relationship when it could just, it could just be like, healthy masculinity is a thing. It's just it's not well represented or given its space to thrive in a patriarchal society like ours. I
Unknown Speaker 27:10
like Madison because she's a girl like I told her Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 27:15
that's so cute. I love that. It's simple. It's the bare minimum but it's just yeah, it's very odd I think
Unknown Speaker 27:24
times where I'm like, I feel like I want to be more feminine and like she's okay with that. Like even when I want to have like eyelash extensions or I want to wear like girly clothes which normally I wear like more masculine presenting clothes but like even when I want to wear more feminine clothes like Eliana doesn't even care and I like
Unknown Speaker 27:45
when medicine is funded, I love I love masculine Maddie too, but
Unknown Speaker 27:53
yeah, I don't know. I know. I'm very like mask, but I feel like I'm not really like I don't really act mask.
Unknown Speaker 28:01
Oh, you don't you're like a golden retriever mask. Okay.
Unknown Speaker 28:06
Everyone, everyone. every girl, every person has been telling me that. You have golden retriever.
Unknown Speaker 28:13
What have you worked on Golden Retriever mask? I don't think I could. Literally, naturally,
Unknown Speaker 28:20
I just don't follow me. There like you're having literally, because I just had the realization recently, even though I'm a girl, obviously. I'm a himbo. Hello. I'm a himbo. And apparently I'm can I'm just can. I'm just can and I'm just a golden retriever. I'm a dog. So I
Unknown Speaker 28:38
know what that means. Right? That means you aren't enough. You better love yourself.
Unknown Speaker 28:43
I'm like yeah, I guess I'm very like, I'm just very like, all the time. Does that make sense? Like I'm just very loud. You daddy da like a little nerd. So any dominant femme woman? It's not
Unknown Speaker 29:00
like you're the type of my DMs you're the type of like, gay woman that doesn't let like her past like define her future like you've been like hurt by so many girls and you're still
Unknown Speaker 29:14
that's awesome by the way. Have you have not let the hurts and wounds of others projected on you? Your Spirit your spirit? I think that's dope.
Unknown Speaker 29:25
Yeah, I apparently am very golden retriever. I thought that this was a really sweet in like que episode. I think that we talked a lot about love and seeing the different stages is so sweet. This was a great episode. Thank you guys so much.
Unknown Speaker 29:39
Thanks for having me on again. Yeah. Anytime there's an open seat. I just find my way in here.
Unknown Speaker 29:43
Thank you so much for listening to growing pains. You can follow us on Instagram at Growing Pains gram or on tick tock Growing Pains talk. hope you tune in next week.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai