Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
One of the core values at Forerunner Mentoring is "trust the process". It's this idea that as a mentor, you're not always going to see the fruit of your mentoring relationship. You may be sowing seeds that won't blossom until years after your official mentoring relationship with your mentee ends, and that can be discouraging. But what you can do is operate in faith, knowing that God's in control of the relationship and that all of those negatives that you see are being worked together for His good purposes. Zach flies solo this week to bring an encouraging word about how we can trust the process in our mentoring relationships and trust in God's perfect timing.
Show Notes
One of the core values at Forerunner Mentoring is "trust the process". It's this idea that as a mentor, you're not always going to see the fruit of your mentoring relationship. You may be sowing seeds that won't blossom until years after your official mentoring relationship with your mentee ends, and that can be discouraging. But what you can do is operate in faith, knowing that God's in control of the relationship and that all of those negatives that you see are being worked together for His good purposes. Zach flies solo this week to bring an encouraging word about how we can trust the process in our mentoring relationships and trust in God's perfect timing.
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Mentors and mentoring leaders, Zach Ardsley here with the You Can Mentor podcast. I got 3 things that I would like to ask of you today. Number 1, if you are a mentoring organization and you would like to be on our podcast or learn more about the best practices of mentoring, please reach out to us, www.youcanmentor.com. You can send us an email, zachzach@youcanmentor.com, or stephen, that's with a PH, at you canmentor.com. You can also find us on social media.
Speaker 2:Give us that DM, and we'll get back to you. We just wanna get to know you, and we wanna learn more about what you're doing in your communities to advance mentoring. And we believe that interaction leads to innovation. So let's work together and advance the kingdom through mentoring. Number 2, if you know of someone who would benefit from the You Can Mentor podcast, please share our podcast, share our information with them.
Speaker 2:That would be super helpful. And then lastly, if you could rate our podcast on Apple Podcasts, give us that 5 star. It will help spread the word about mentoring and, You Can Mentor podcast because we really do want every mentoring org in America who is trying to make disciples through mentoring to know about us. We wanna get to know about them so we can learn from them and work together to help kids reach their full potential. So that's what I got.
Speaker 2:Please do those things. Reach out to us. Share and rate. Appreciate you. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. Zecharz is here flying solo today, and just had a couple of things on my heart that I wanted to toss out there in the old podcast land and see if it can encourage and equip some mentors out there to continue on in their mentoring journey to help support them and to help them thrive as they advance the kingdom through making disciples through mentoring. So as you guys know, I believe that you can mentor, and I believe that anyone can mentor. And I know that mentoring on the surface sounds really simple. Hey.
Speaker 2:Just an adult who follows Jesus, match him up with a kid, specifically, perhaps a kid from a hard place. Y'all go hang out, play basketball. You're gonna tell him he's great and tell him about Jesus, and then the kid's gonna fulfill his potential, and it's gonna be awesome. I know that that's that's kinda how it seems on the surface. But in my experiences, mentoring, although kind of a simple task, hanging out with a kid, investing in into them day after day, week after week, month after month, it's actually pretty complicated.
Speaker 2:And it's complicated because you're dealing with 2 human beings. It's complicated because we are in the midst of a sinful world. It's complicated because the enemy wants nothing more than to see your relationship with your mentee fail because he is not for us. He's against us, and he wants to do everything he can to keep you sitting on the couch instead of advancing the kingdom, and he wants to do everything he can to keep your mentee from experiencing all that the lord has for him. And the thing with mentoring is, it's not an a plus b equals c.
Speaker 2:It's not a formula. It's different with each and every relationship. Sometimes you see fruit, sometimes you don't. Sometimes the mentee is warm and engaging, and you can see on their face that they love you and that they're happy to be with you, and sometimes you get the cold shoulder. Sometimes you get the mentee, who just gives one word answers.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it's really hard, and you don't see fruit. You can't tell if the kid even likes you. And so I think, for me, one of the most important things that we can do for mentors is to keep them equipped and encouraged. Our way of equipping is through this podcast. Our way of equipping is by surrounding other mentors with people who are doing the same thing as them.
Speaker 2:Our way of equipping is our book, which you guys can find online. Our way of encouraging is through this podcast. Our our way of encouraging is to point them to Jesus who can fill up their cup. Our way of encouraging is to share our stories and our testimonies of the things that we've experienced as we have made disciples through mentoring. So the thing that God has put on my heart during this season is is timing is our timing versus his timing and his perfect timing.
Speaker 2:And I'm in the season of my life where God is really kinda showing me his heart as father, and God the father is looking after his sons and his daughters, and he loves them, and he calls them his own, and he invites them to be a part of his family, and he does that with me and you, and he also does that with our mentees, because see God created our mentees on purpose for a purpose. Before our mentees were even born, the Lord had a plan for their life, and you are a part of that plan. Whether you're a big part or a small part, I don't know. I don't know if you're gonna be with your mentee for 3 months or 3 years or 30 years. Only God knows that.
Speaker 2:But I do know that they were created with the end in mind, and that God has specifically and uniquely wired them in such a way to give the world a little aspect of who he is and what his heart is all about. I know that the Lord loves your mentee dearly more than you do. I'm a father of 3, and I know my heart for my kids. It's I can't even begin to describe it. It's undescribable, and that's how the Lord feels when he sees you're mentee.
Speaker 2:As a father, sometimes with my kids, I have to do things that they don't understand. Why? Because I see the big picture in mine, because I've had a little bit more experience, because I have done some things that they haven't had an opportunity to do yet, and I am focused on the big picture. And sometimes I have to discipline my kids. Sometimes I have to have hard conversations with them.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I I have to what in their eyes seems like stop the fun in order to keep them safe, in order to keep them from experiencing hurt, and that's how God is with us. You see, God the Father, he sees the big picture, and he knows what he's doing. He knows what he's doing. You see, God has a plan for their life, and his plan, it's on his schedule, not ours. Jeremiah 2911 and 12 says, for I have for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Speaker 2:Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. Sometimes the lord allows hard things to happen to shape and mold your mentee into who he wants them to be. I know for me as a mentor, it's hard sometimes to sit back and watch your mentee experience hardships and difficult times, because you don't like to see them in pain. But sometimes the Lord, he allows disappointments, failures, betrayals, and pain to happen to your mentee. Why?
Speaker 2:Well, we don't really know the full story, but we do know that we can trust him, and we do know that he is good, and that he is for them, and that he loves them more than we do. But like a surgeon, sometimes the Lord produces painful events, or he allows them to happen, with the end goal of making the Minty healthy and whole. Hebrews 12 says, they disciplined us for a little while, as they thought best, but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Speaker 2:And, I want to take a look at the story of Joseph, because what the enemy meant for harm, in the story of Joseph, God used for good. Think about Joseph. He was betrayed by his family. He was sold into slavery. He was betrayed again by Potiphar's wife.
Speaker 2:He was tossed in jail. He interpreted the dream for the cupbearer, and he thought that he was going to get out of of jail, and he ended up staying in prison 2 years later. They say the whole event lasted, you know, over over a decade. That's a decade of hardship. And as you look at the story of Joseph, you you wonder what he was thinking during those 10 years.
Speaker 2:Like, I bet there were some days whenever Joseph was like, lord, what are you doing? Like, when is this ever going to end? I don't understand this. This doesn't make any sense. I can't get a win.
Speaker 2:It's just day after day of hardship, of disappointment. But God was up to something. Because in every season that Joseph experienced, the betrayal, being a slave, being in prison, that was preparing him for something that God had in mind. It was preparing him for something that Joseph couldn't see. Ultimately, he was in charge of all of Egypt, but he couldn't have gotten there, and he couldn't have done what he did once he was there if he hadn't experienced those hardships.
Speaker 2:You see, for me, I see things in the now. But God is thinking generations. God sees what we don't. He sees what we don't in the lives of our mentees, and he sees what we don't in the relationship that we have with our mentee. As you get older, you can see how God has used things that you might have once considered to be some of the worst experiences in your life, that he has used those things to make you look more like him and to advance his kingdom.
Speaker 2:You know, I think about my life. You know, growing up how I did, there was a long time in my life whenever I said, I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. It was terrible. I don't want anything to do with it. But if it wasn't for what I experienced as a child, there's no way that I would be here today.
Speaker 2:As some of you guys might know, a kid who I mentored for a long time ended up going to prison. At the time, I would have said that was the worst thing that could have ever happened in a mentor mentee relationship, but what I see now is what that produced. It produced a humility in me that there's that I probably wouldn't have received if if if it wasn't for that event. It gave me the perspective that I am I am not the savior of my mentee. I can only point them to the savior.
Speaker 2:It gave me a fresh understanding of what our mentees, specifically those who are experiencing hardships through growing up without a father, through being in through being a minority, I got a perspective of how they live life or how this world treats them. And I never would have experienced those things, which ultimately has made me a more compassionate mentor, a more empathetic person, and it has given me the faith that I need to rely upon Jesus and the holy spirit in his timing instead of my own gifts and my own strengths. All of those things are things that I once would have said they were the worst things ever. And now I say, man, thank you, Jesus, for using those terrible events to help me look more like you, to help my heart grow to look more like yours. I think the kingdom of God is so funny that way.
Speaker 2:It's an upside down kingdom. What what makes sense here on earth, well, that's not typically how it goes in the kingdom. Right? To to be first, you must be last. To to be the leader, you must serve.
Speaker 2:To be strong, you must be weak. The kingdom of God, it's not a plus b equals c, but it is faith. It's looking to Jesus and trusting him. It's knowing that God is on his own schedule, and it's got nothing to do with yours. So what happens in my life when my timing for my mentee and God's timing for his son or daughter when those don't align?
Speaker 2:Proverbs 16:9 says, in the hearts, human plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. You see, in every mentor mentee relationship that I've ever been in, I somehow, someway conjure up this schedule that I have for my mentee, this plan, and I want them to experience the good things of life. I want them to experience success, and I wanna see fruit as soon as possible. Unfortunately, sometimes I force, I coerce rather than act with patience and faith, but God never forces anything. God is patient, and he is kind with us.
Speaker 2:That's what's so incredible about the Lord is he allows us to make our own choices. He allows us to find our own way, and he doesn't force. He doesn't kick down the door. He he knocks, and he walks alongside. But sometimes I force, and I act with urgency only because I want my mentee to experience good.
Speaker 2:Mainly for them, yes, and for their future. But if I'm being totally honest with you, I want them to experience success because it feels good to invest into something fruitful. It feels good to say I had something to do with their success. I think that's pride. I think that's self focused.
Speaker 2:I think that's me trying to put discipleship mentoring in that a plus b equals c. The kids showed up. I invested, and that equaled success. So if I follow that trail, where does that lead? I think sometimes I I I act with urgencies.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I force. Sometimes I have my own schedule because I am operating out of fear. I say to myself, if my mentee doesn't change, he will not make it. I say if they make that mistake, they will never recover. I say if they fail, it will mean that I have wasted my time and that I wasn't successful.
Speaker 2:But, Lord, if they do that, then they they might fail school. They might go to prison. They might be poor. They might and and perfect love casts out fear. So I wanna focus more on the love piece than the fear piece.
Speaker 2:I wanna focus in on what I can control, which is loving my mentee no matter what and showing up and trying to love them with the love of Jesus and giving them someone to look up to. And I wanna represent Jesus. I wanna represent Jesus to my mentee. I don't wanna freak out and get all anxious and get all stressed because I am so terrified that they're gonna make a mistake that's gonna ruin their life. Whenever I act out of fear, it puts pressure and anxiety on myself and on my mentee, and they can feel it.
Speaker 2:Mentees have an uncanny way of knowing what is truly in your heart. They can sense it from miles away. I don't know how, but mentees can tell real from fake in about 13 seconds. It's crazy. But because of fear, I start, like, putting putting these mile markers in the lives of my mentee.
Speaker 2:Right? Here's an example. With my mentor I'm I'm sorry. With with with my mentee, I met him in 7th grade. And I started in my mind just saying, okay.
Speaker 2:I'm I'm gonna spend time with him. I'm gonna invest into him, and I'm obviously, there will be fruit. Obviously, he'll get better. And in 8th grade, I think I want him to be starting running back. And in 9th grade, I think I want him to be National Honor Society.
Speaker 2:And in 10th grade, I think I want him to get a job. And in 11th grade, I want him to visit colleges and fill out college applications. And In 12th grade, I want him to graduate. And then after he graduates, I want him to work at the summer camp so he can network and he can make these connections so that whenever he goes to college, right, and I start creating this this schedule for my mentee. I start putting together my plan for how his life is going to go instead of letting go of my plan and saying, lord, what do you have for my mentee?
Speaker 2:God, what's your plan for his life? What do they want? How how can I partner with you and figure out what they want and help make all of that happen? You see, God's not on a schedule. He has his own schedule.
Speaker 2:It's not yours, because his timing is perfect, and he's not in a hurry. And maybe, just maybe, the failure of disappointment you are trying to save your mentee from is the experience that they need that will help them become all that God has for them. What if whenever you see your mentee about to make a mistake or you see your mentee making bad decisions, what if instead of saving them, you you go to the Lord and try to see what he wants wants you to do in this situation? What if by actually saving them, you are keeping God's plan from happening? What if saving them is actually hurting them?
Speaker 2:And you may be saying, okay, Zach. I hear you, but what am I supposed to do? Do you not want me to give wisdom? Do you not want me to give advice? Do you not want me to try to keep them from from hard times?
Speaker 2:And it's hard, And there's definitely a balance, but what I am saying is this. You can rest. You can relax. You can trust that God loves your mentee more than you do, that he has a plan for their life, that he has a schedule that you might not be aware of. I wanna try to think about it like a farmer.
Speaker 2:The job of a farmer is to prepare the soil so the seed can grow. Your your focus is on getting the conditions right. You can't control the storms. You can't control the weather. You can't even control if the seed will grow or not, but you can control what you can control.
Speaker 2:The seed will do what it will do when it is good and ready. You can just get the environment right. You can just get the conditions right. So prepare the soil with words of affirmation, unconditional love, encouragement, attention, showing up day after day, and then let's let go and let the Lord do the rest. Let's trust his timetable.
Speaker 2:Let's trust that father god is up to something. Ecclesiastes 31 says there's a time for everything and in season for every activity under the heavens. When the lord created your mentee, when the lord put you in relationship with your mentee, he put that seed in the ground, and it will grow whenever the time is right. Now here's the balance. Right?
Speaker 2:I don't want us to go too far and not do anything, but I don't want us to press too hard and force it. I want us to maintain the balance of letting go and stepping in when the time is right. Now how do we do that? How do we maintain that balance? Well, it's hard, and every relationship's different.
Speaker 2:Every situation's different. Every mentor and mentee are different. So we must walk in the spirit, and we must figure out what the Lord wants us to do in each unique moment. We have to remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint, that we're in it for the long haul, and that we need the Lord to guide us and to shepherd us, to teach us when to move and when to stay still, when to speak and when to listen, when to correct and when to comfort. We must get with the Lord to figure out his timetable instead of hoping that he gets on our timetable.
Speaker 2:Let's go to the Lord and see what he's doing, instead of trying to do something and then asking God to bless it. And this is a daily exercise, to die to yourself in your timetable, in your expectations, and to submit and surrender to his glorious and mysterious will, and it's easy to get discouraged. That is why our relationship with the lord is vital. If we're gonna stay in this game, if we're gonna stay encouraged instead of discouraged, we need to be filled up with him daily. We need to walk in the spirit, full of faith instead of the flesh, which is full of fear because his timing is perfect, and his ways are not our ways.
Speaker 2:But God is a good father. He knows what he's doing, and we can trust him. So let's enter into the flow of what God is doing. Let's get with the spirit, and let's figure out what flow he's trying to do in the life of your mentee instead of trying to force our own agenda in our own schedule and our own will. Our job is to enter the flow of what God is doing, not to force our agenda onto him or onto our mentee.
Speaker 2:Our job as mentors, it's to pray. It's to rest. It's to ask questions. It's to be a non anxious presence. To be a safe environment.
Speaker 2:It's to support your mentee. It's to encourage them. It's to connect them with other people who can speak life into them. It's to be a role model, a guide. It's to love them no matter what and to be filled with the grace of God.
Speaker 2:Our job is not to force. Our job is not to shame. Well, shouldn't you do this? Why didn't you do our job is not to put pressure. Our job is not to get frustrated or to to think that the only way that they're successful is if they do work, is if they accomplish something.
Speaker 2:This isn't about works based. It's not performance based. Our job is just to love them as they are, not as they should be. And, dear God, would you give us the patience enough to sit in the hard, trusting that you are working, that you are up to something? And, God, give us give us faith to pray to you often.
Speaker 2:Give us give us the the heart and the perseverance to show up no matter what, to be like Jesus, like Jesus is with us. Jesus never leaves us. He always is there for us. There's no condemnation in Christ Jesus. He's faithful.
Speaker 2:He's patient. He's kind, and that's how he calls us to be. And, he who calls you is faithful. He will surely do it. He will not forsake your mentee.
Speaker 2:He will not return void on your investment. Just might take a little bit longer than you like, and it might not look exactly how you thought it would look. But it's good. It's just what the doctor ordered. You see, yes, God is moving in the life of your mentee, but he's also changing your heart.
Speaker 2:He's giving you more patience, more endurance, more perseverance. And it's through these things that your character starts to look more like the character of Jesus, where he knows better than we do. Faith, hope, and love. Faith that God is who He says He is and loves your mentee more than you do. Hope that His plan will come to pass in His perfect timing.
Speaker 2:In love, God, would you fill us up with love so we can love our mentee unconditionally, no matter what, no strings attached? Help us fix our eyes upon You, the author and perfecter of our faith. And help us have faith. Help us know that we know that You're good, that You are doing something, that even if we can't see it on the outside, even if there's no fruit, we know that the roots might be growing deeper. You can have have faith to know that you are changing the hearts of our mentees.
Speaker 2:It's just on your timetable, not ours. So, God, fill us up today. Help us stay in the game. Help us remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Just day by day, step by step, minute by minute.
Speaker 2:God, would you help us stay in the mentoring game, stay in the discipleship game, And help us believe that you are our presenter, that you are writing the story for our mentor, and it's gonna be good. You commit to it. Thank you. Have a good