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The New Mom Podcast is a Christian motherhood podcast for women navigating pregnancy, postpartum, and early motherhood.
Whether you're a first-time mom, expecting, or in the middle of sleepless nights, this show offers real, honest conversations about motherhood, marriage, identity, and faith. We talk about birth stories, postpartum recovery, relationships, mental health, and trusting God through every stage of motherhood. If you're looking for encouragement, practical advice, and a reminder that you're not alone—this podcast is for you.
Our prayer is that New Mom leaves you feeling seen, strengthened, and a little more equipped for the beautiful calling of motherhood!
New episodes weekly.
Hello, and welcome back to New Mom. Today's episode, I got to sit down with my sweet friend Maris Rowland. She is a new friend from here in Nashville. She and her husband live in Florida with their their two little kids. And Maris is wonderful.
Carrie:We talked a lot about her positive birth stories with both of her kids. She went unmedicated at the hospital, and she touches a lot on that as well as just having two little ones and the flexibility involved with their lifestyle. They, travel a lot with work, and she just has a lot of wisdom to share. So I hope that you guys enjoy this conversation. We certainly had fun chatting.
Carrie:Enjoy Maris. Yay. Hi, Maris.
Maris:Hi, Carrie. How's it going?
Carrie:I'm good. How are you?
Maris:I'm good. I miss you. Miss Snuff. Know.
Carrie:I know. I was I was gonna say for, like, those who don't know, we you got guys were our first Nashville friends and then you abandoned us. I'm just kidding.
Maris:We were literally friends for what? Three weeks? I think so. I mean, we're still friends, but in person friends.
Carrie:In person. Yeah. We're not friends anymore. No. But it's true.
Carrie:It's like we got to Nashville, Leah and Philip, who we were living with, were like, you guys have to meet Carson and Maris because you guys were temporarily living in Nashville. Met you guys, absolutely loved you, and then and then you go you went home. Yeah. Because how long were you living here? A few months?
Maris:We were there two and a half months. So we had been there at Justin long enough to find out the parks to impart our knowledge to you and then
Carrie:literally to pass it on. Like, here's where you can get your sourdough. Here's where your kids can play on the swings.
Maris:Exactly. Here's the good Thai food.
Carrie:Yep. Yes. I
Maris:miss you the
Carrie:Thai food. That was it was really good. Honestly, other day, Connor's like, we need to go back to that Thai place we went with Carson and Maris. It was quite delicious. But, yeah, thank you so much for for being on the show.
Carrie:I really appreciate having you.
Maris:Thank you for having me. Yeah. Thank you very much. I'm honored. I've been listening to your podcast, I mean, ever since you told me about it, but it's so fun, and I'm excited to be a part of New Mom.
Carrie:Thank you so much, Maris. Well, I'm like I said, I'm I'm so happy to have you. Why don't you just, like, tell us a little bit about yourself, marriage, kids? Just kinda, like, give us a little bio of Maris, and then we can kind of dive into it
Maris:from there. Great. So my name is Maris Rowland. My husband and I, Carson, we have two little kids, two and a half year old, and he's now six months, the second one. Oh my gosh.
Maris:Eden is well, she's technically two and a half next month, and Asa is six months old. They are so fun. And like we were just talking about, Eden is just every day is something new. And it's busy. We live in South Florida.
Maris:Carson and I grew up down here, so we actually knew each other since first grade.
Carrie:I love that fact so much. I wanna talk more about that later. You guys have the cutest story.
Maris:Thank you. We didn't reconnect until our senior year of college, though. But both of our families are still down here. So that's why, you know, we toyed with the idea of moving. We would love to be maybe part time somewhere else for work, maybe something more central.
Maris:But I do think that our home base will always be South Florida with both of our families. My mom's twenty minutes away. We're half a mile down the road from his mom, grandparents, aunts, uncles, sister-in-law. Everyone has kids. The dream.
Maris:Seriously. We are so blessed, and, you know, I'd really prayerfully, we don't want to take it for granted, and so we're balancing this. Are we being called to move for work? Are we being called to stay for community? Is community family right now?
Maris:Is community friends? So it's just a whole you know, everything in life is is compromise, is flexibility, and so that's kind of our our family's basis. Guys are at. Yeah. We're just that kind of our word is trying to be adaptable and flexible.
Maris:And
Carrie:Yeah. Well, you guys are also so your husband is an actor like us. So Yep. You you're very acclimated with the flexible life, the travel life, like you guys are kind of on the go in that way. I feel like we kind of have that in common.
Carrie:So it makes sense. It's kind of cool because as you're saying that I'm like, I feel like you guys are in a position very blessed where you can sort of have both. Like, that can be home based and you can have those roots, and then also you get to have work take you to go on your adventures as a family. And I really admire that you guys do that and that you're up for that because we wanna be up for it. But obviously, Arch is only eleven, ten, eleven months.
Carrie:So it's like, we're still in the the beginning phases of, okay, as our family grows, is this actually feasible? Because it sounds amazing on paper. But to see you guys doing it, I think is so cool. Like when we met you, you have, you know, two little kids. You're in Nashville for just a few months.
Carrie:You're trying out a city. You're investing in community there, and you get to go home to Florida and and have the true home base. It's actually it's so cool. Yeah. I admire that you guys are up for that.
Maris:Thank you. It is it is really a blessing. It is work, but it's it's really a blessing. But the the thing is that kind of prompted it is the first time we moved for, like, a kind of a relocation move for six months, Eden was three months old. We left the day that she turned three months old.
Maris:And the second time, we went up to Nashville when Asa was two months old. So it's kind of been our MO. And I don't Have a baby and go. Exactly. I just I don't plan too far ahead of time.
Maris:I try to live in the moment and know that we may be uprooted at any moment. And so that's just that's where Carson and I try to be, try to live, try to not let fear of, like, the fluctuation in schedule and timing and, you know, the upheaval of our life really keep us from doing fun things, but also beneficial things. You know? Yeah. Our our our idea is that if he's ever gone for longer than a month for a job, we will go with him.
Maris:It used to be about three weeks, and I think with two now, it's it really has to be longer than a month.
Carrie:Think that's yeah. That's fair. That makes sense.
Maris:Right. It's you know, at at first, the idea of just a week is crazy. You you and I have talked about that before. It's I feel like super mom the first week. Oh my gosh.
Maris:But then I need the reinforcements, and I need him to come home and take over bath time. You know? So Bath
Carrie:time. Yes.
Maris:It's just ever changing. And then when he's home, he's home all the time, and we do things Wednesday morning. We just go out and go to the park or we go on a day trip, which is it's so much fun. It's so unpredictable. It's different than a lot of people.
Maris:It's I think it's it's common with actors, and Mhmm. It's it's really sweet to have met you guys and more of a community of people who understand the transient lifestyle. Mhmm. But it's it's different. It it is.
Maris:I was gonna ask, like,
Carrie:I know you guys obviously know, like, us and you know different actors, like, from around. Do you guys have people in your community that have because I feel like it's getting more common in our generation. I I have so many friends that are in the corporate world or just kinda have like your nine to five and then I have so many friends that do have the more like unconventional day to day schedule or at least one of the the spouses does. Do you feel like you have people around you that also get it or are you guys kinda like alone on the day to day when he's home being like, wow. We're kinda the only ones that are double teaming parenting.
Maris:It is a it's kind of a mix, and it's kinda funny. My sister-in-law, Carson's twin sister, is actually married to another actor. And so Oh, I hear that. And she yeah. And she's not she's not in the acting space either.
Maris:So we're both uniquely positioned to be stay at home moms. Yeah. We're married to actors, and we're the ones helping self tape. You know? Get down for a nap, get the setup going, and do the tape.
Maris:Living with the frustrations of, you know, we woke up early from a nap, didn't get the whole tape done, then we'll do it after bedtime. And it's, you know, it's a little crazy. But, thankfully, we do have them here. So if anything ever happens, he Carson can go tape with him or he can come over with my brother-in-law.
Carrie:That's so nice. I didn't even know that. Did they meet okay. So Carson's an actor, but his sister's not. Did they meet through through Carson?
Maris:Yes. Well, not really. They were going to church at the
Carrie:same place in LA. So when Carson just happened to be an actor. Exactly.
Maris:Crazy. Carson and Jeremy met and then introduced Carolyn. Not really. They the story is not that Carson introduced him to Jeremy. They were going to church together, and there was going to go among groups, they they crossed paths.
Carrie:So Okay. Love that. Sorry. Just had to know the details on that. Was like, that's
Maris:so crazy. Like, what are the odds? And they have a they have a one and a half year old. So we're kind in the So they're kind of
Carrie:in that and they're nearby Yes. In your community. That's so nice. Way. It's the best.
Carrie:That's so great. Because, yeah, I I do feel like something that I'm adjusting to from being stay at home for the most part and just doing the self tapes and kinda doing similar is like the other day, because we're in a new city, we don't know a lot of people yet in like here, don't have a lot of mom friends. Actually, I don't have any mom friends yet here because it's so fresh and I have amazing moms everywhere, but it was kind of hitting me as I was kinda like going down the list on a walk with ours. You're like, who can I call? That so many of my mom friends are at least working part time or are so busy that I'm like, oh, it's actually like our specific lifestyle is just I don't have a ton of that.
Maris:You know I mean?
Carrie:So I'm I'm actually craving more of those relationships because it's nice when you're home with your kids. You're like, okay, who can I call that's like literally doing what I'm doing right now? You know?
Maris:We get our wiggles out of the park before nap time, I have an hour. Would you like to be in the park? Literally. Every day.
Carrie:Oh, I love that so much.
Maris:I know. Yeah.
Carrie:So a question that I wanna kinda like launch the conversation I guess by asking is what is God teaching you right now in this season of motherhood?
Maris:Right now is it's really just that flexibility word. It's I I like to plan. I like to have a an idea of the future. I like to know exactly when they're gonna nap and sleep. And, obviously, I'm human, but I'm a little type a in that.
Maris:But I can't. You know? I don't know if we're gonna be here in June, and I don't know if we'll be back by October. Mhmm. Or we could be here for another year, and what does that look like growing our family in the space that we're in?
Maris:Mhmm. You know, do we do we move? Do we rent? Do we sell our house? Do we go somewhere new?
Maris:You know, it's just and then navigating that with kids, it's it's fun because you learn how adaptable and resilient your kids are. And so that's kind of so flexibility and how adaptable my my kids can be. And, you know, if if I am constant, if Carson is constant, our family stays together, and we just do it all together. We could take on twists and turns for you know, all of them good right now. Praise the lord.
Maris:But we can we can go for a weekend here, and they can sleep in Pack and Plays in a closet, and or we can go over to dinner at somebody's house, you know, and put them down in the closet like we did with you. So good. Yeah. You know, I'm We did. My caveat with that is parenting is it can be very personal.
Maris:It can be very comparison based, and comparison is another thing that I'm really not I guess struggling with, but it's my eyes are open. As Eden gets older, as she's understanding things that we say that people around her are saying and repeating back, I realize what she hears us say about her and about other kids, she is learning how to think about other people, relate to other people, care about other people. And so try not to compare stage of life or, you know, sleep.
Carrie:Oh, that's really good. You're saying just kind of Even just just speaking that out and, like, feeling that way around her. Because I remember when we we had dinner with you guys, couple times you were like, hey, guys, like, all the couples, like, little ears, little ears, because my baby's not old enough to know, you know, not that we were talking about anything scandalous, but it's just like life giving language and and that she's paying attention. Do you find that even with I've thought about this a lot in terms of body image and confidence, not just body image or or looks based things, but even characteristics. Like, if I'll say about myself, that was so dumb.
Carrie:Why'd I do that? Or whatever. I think, oh, okay. When I have a toddler, like, when he's a little bit older, I don't want him hearing me speak death over myself or belittle myself. Is that something that you guys think about now with especially
Maris:with Hayden? I literally think about it every day, especially with a little girl. And, obviously, I think about it with a little boy too. It's just, you know, we talk about how we look in clothes. Or the one that I've been which I saw on Instagram, so I've I try to preface anything that I take in through Instagram.
Maris:Like, I hear it from, you know, they say Yes. Instagram, and I had to filter it out and make sure I agree with it. Talking about, like, dressing up and putting makeup on. It's not making you pretty because you're already beautiful. It's making you feel fancy.
Maris:No. And so it's a little girl. For it. That's my little my new thing is trying to make sure that when I put on makeup or when I put on a pretty dress and she says, you look so pretty. I say, well, thank you.
Maris:You know, I I feel so fancy. Or if she puts on a dress, it's, you know, you're beautiful all the time, and do you feel fancy in that dress? You know, reframing little things and trying to, like, trying to realize and take those thoughts captive that she I'm literally forming her image of herself, how the lord views her, and how she relates to other people in the world. And so people ask me all the time, having a girl, was it intimidating knowing that you have to raise a strong, confident woman? And maybe I guess I live in the moment too much in that moment.
Maris:I didn't think about it when she was first born. But every day now, it's just more and more of the the gravity of it and how Uh-huh. Precious she is, how precious every child is, but just specifically as a girl and with body image. It's been it's been a learning curve.
Carrie:I was gonna say, I think in a way, it's beautiful because it refines us at our age as women of how we view ourselves. When when you have little ears, of a sudden it's, oh, I don't want you to think that of yourself. And then it's kinda like what That's would give you the advice. Yes. Like what would you tell your best friend?
Carrie:Or like, well, do you want your daughter saying that? And now you actually have the example in front of you of, oh, I need to walk this out, which I think we had a conversation that night we all had dinner, one of the about just the power of words and speaking life over ourselves. I think that's tenfold and just so magnified when we have kids, just speaking life in the home. So, yeah, I just wanted to ask you if that's something with a little girl that you've kinda noticed. Yeah.
Carrie:For sure. Cute. Something else that I wanted to touch on, like, on the topic of with you is we talked a little bit about just, your birth stories and your experience and and really everything with motherhood. And you're like, well, I don't know if I have anything to share about birth stories because I I had these great experiences, you know. And I love that.
Carrie:And I'm like, bring it to me because I feel like I know when I was pregnant and and certainly a lot of my friends shared this, you hear a lot of the traumatic birth stories which are so real, so relevant. I didn't have the best birth story ever, like, you know. But I think it's important to guard your heart in that time when you are expecting. And I think praying for surrendering and praying for good circumstances and honestly just hearing some good experiences is so helpful. And I was craving that when I was pregnant because everybody's asking you, are you anxious?
Carrie:Or, oh my gosh, like everybody just comes up to you and gives you their traumatic birth story and it's like, I haven't even I don't even know what mine's gonna be yet. Don't put that on me, you know. That's right. And so I I think like as important as those are, I think positive birth stories are underrated. I think that uneventful or simple or beautiful birth stories need to be shared.
Carrie:So I would love it if you would just share whatever you wanna share about the kids and and kind of your positive experiences.
Maris:I would love to because I they are so great. I really enjoy recounting them because they're so sweet. I love that. But it is so true. I had great uncomplicated pregnancies with both uncomplicated hospital deliveries with a midwife, no doula, and I did it unmedicated.
Maris:So the biggest thing the biggest thing that I learned is that it really is so mental. Like, birth is 99% mental. Your body was designed to do it, and it's really, really hard.
Carrie:Like, it's Yeah. It is.
Maris:Hard, and it takes you to the end of yourself. But in preparing for birth, once I found out I was pregnant, I was just I'll preface this. I grew up. I never really played baby dolls. I didn't like to babysit.
Maris:I never really pictured myself as a mom. Not that I didn't want kids, but it wasn't something that I just dreamt and dreamt about. Mhmm. Now I adore my kids, but my mom said the same thing. She's like, I didn't really like taking care of other people's kids, but I knew I would love my own.
Maris:And now things have turned. I love children. But I was more I was more selfish preparing for Eden's birth. I did a lot of work for myself to prepare physically, mentally, and most of that was not watching traumatic birth stories or not getting caught up in the people trying to not trying to scare you because I think it really is not malicious, but Mhmm. It's to warn.
Maris:And to some people share too much in hopes that they educate you so that you know what's coming. Exactly. You. Exactly. What I tried to do was for every for every scary outcome that could potentially happen that I learned about, I tried to just know exactly what that was.
Maris:Like, just do research into it to understand it so it wasn't as scary. Like, if this were to happen, what do I do? What are the outcomes? What are the the the steps? And I talked to my midwife about those things.
Maris:Understanding what was going to happen as much as I could really, really helped. I think especially as a first time mom, you don't know what labor is gonna feel like. You don't know, like, what all could happen. And it's so scary, and it's still anxiety inducing the second time around, so much less so. But deciding, Okay, I would like to go unmedicated.
Maris:I don't an epidural, but I'm not afraid of an epidural. Like if there if it came to it and I needed an epidural because I had been laboring for so long, I couldn't go any longer, my body needed the rest, like we have modern medicine at our fingertips. And that's why I wanted to be in the hospital, but I wanted to prepare and give myself all of the tools to be able to go Yeah. About it. So
Carrie:I've had good. Yeah. I I love that because I I've a lot of moms and I've kinda like, we've all talked about birth stories on here a little bit and all of us have our different flare, which I just love. I think it's so beautiful the way that we're all made to be moms and then all have these like different senses and different instincts. But I I think that what you're touching on with with surrendering is so good and and it's easier to surrender what's gonna happen if you protect your mind, like you said, and kinda guard your mind and your heart from the super negative stuff and then also educate and prepare because I think that combination makes it easier to surrender where you're like, okay, do know some of those things that can happen and what that actually means.
Carrie:And then I also can focus on the positive experiences and kinda meditate on that and and prepare for that and know that, you know, for you personally, you wanted be in a space where you could have the epidural or you could pivot. So anyway, I love that. I love all of that because I think I was similar. I went into it being like, I got an epidural and I went into it being like, yes, please. I'm going to get one unless I don't want one.
Carrie:That's kinda how I was. Like, I was opposite where I was like, I'll probably want one if I'd happen to if this baby flies out, so be it. And then and then I did, but I feel like I try my best also just go into it with like the just kind of protecting myself from just allowing the fear in of traumatic birth stories or just the the fear about what could go wrong based on my own personal health or my my family. Like, we had a lot of bleeders with birth. And so I was like, I'm not gonna speak that over myself.
Carrie:Like, I'm not gonna assume. I did end up losing a lot of blood, but it was it wasn't anything too too scary, thankfully. But just things like that that I didn't over over fixate on. So I feel like that's just something I would love for, like, pregnant moms right now to remember is, like, do your research and then and then peacefully just kind of enter into the bubble
Maris:of Exactly. Goodness. Shield guard yourself. Shield yourself. Surround yourself with your your people, your family, your your friends, and Mhmm.
Maris:You know, your husband, and tell them, like, I'm so excited to have this baby. Whatever. Yes. But a little bit about my pregnancy with Eden was I felt like a beast. I worked out until I was, like, thirty four weeks pregnant.
Maris:I was doing yoga till 36, and then I felt like I wasn't pregnant until the last four weeks. And I was just I felt like I was on top of the world. I was so excited, but I was the first in my friend group to have a baby, And nobody else was pregnant. I could only you know, not only, but I talked to my moms, my my mom and my mother-in-law, aunts, you know, grandparents about their birth stories, trying to learn. And then it was really all online resources cause I couldn't ask, what did you do to my friend?
Maris:They got pregnant shortly after, and now we all have a bunch of babies. But so I did a lot of online research. I I never did a birth prep course, but I was toying with the idea of the pain free birth course. But then the last four weeks, I started to look at Cara Sen, like, I'm really pregnant. Feel like I know what they're talking about him.
Maris:Right. I That's actually hard. Lay down. Yes. I will take the chair offered.
Maris:You can carry my things. And it was was sweet. I started sitting on my pregnancy ball. I would just do my hip circles in the living room at night, every night. So she was due on the ninth, November 9, and I started having contractions that were different.
Maris:I had had Braxton Hicks since, like, twenty weeks, and they were strong too. Like, I would just kinda stop and, man, have a Braxton Hicks. But it didn't I knew it wasn't. I didn't know it then. In hindsight, I knew they weren't they were different.
Maris:So on the ninth I started having contractions that were different, that were lower, crampier, and looked at Carson and I said, I think I'm out of labor. I don't wanna jinx it. Like, I don't wanna get overexcited because I know that that can slow things down because your adrenaline starts running and running all out the hormones, keeping oxytocin flowing. So we invited all of our family over, and we made steak. And we watched a movie.
Maris:I love that. And I would just sit on the ball, and I have little mint mild crampy contractions, and I would kinda you know, like, I would doze off not doze off, but, like, I'd zone out a little bit. And Mhmm. Then I come back, and everyone would look at me. Oh, did you have a contraction?
Maris:Yeah. I went to bed. And by by 03:00 in the morning, I woke up, and I looked at car I didn't I looked at Carson. He was still sleeping. I was like, I'm in labor.
Maris:Like, this is this is early labor. They said I would know when it was happening, and I know. I did shortly after, though, around 04:00, start throwing up because of the pain. Mhmm. And I quickly got dehydrated because I couldn't keep much water down.
Maris:I didn't do a great job of staying hydrated beforehand. So my contractions started coming really fast and they were really strong. And caveat is Carson had had the stomach bug, but not the stomach bug. He had had food poisoning two days before, so he was still really, really weak and kinda throwing up. His last throw up did overlap with me starting to throw up.
Maris:So thanks, my mom came I texted her at four, and she came over by five and sat with me on the couch so that he could continue sleeping because he was gonna need to be rested up.
Carrie:He needs to recover. Yeah.
Maris:As good as he
Carrie:can I need possibly you? Get some Gatorade, dude. We're doing this.
Maris:Hey, Sofan. Get some Gatorade and focus on you until you don't get to anymore because our
Carrie:lives are changing. Here you go.
Maris:So my mom sat with me, and it was just crazy. I remember having this this feeling of because it was early in the morning. Was at 05:00. I'm sitting here in quiet. I'm having contractions, and they're intense.
Maris:I've never felt anything like it, and I know that my life is going to change. And it wasn't like a panic feeling, but it was really, really sentimental sitting there with my mom. I'm gonna cry. But I just kinda did my thing. By 10:00, they did start coming every minute.
Maris:I knew I was dehydrated, and I probably wasn't far enough along to be admitted. So I was talking to my bedwife, and she told me to come into the office. So what did I say? 10:00? It might have been 08:00.
Maris:I go into the office, and she checks me, and she's like, you're maybe a one centimeter dilated. Oh, wow. And I've been laboring since, like, 3AM. I thought five hours, you know, I'll be maybe three centimeters, the way I was contracting. And she looked at me even, and she's like, I don't mean this as discouragement.
Maris:I actually want it to be encouraging, but you're laboring like you're a three or a four, probably a four. So you should go home, just keep doing what you're doing and lay low because it's going to happen. You're going to have a baby today. So I went home and I was a little discouraged. I wasn't feeling much better, but I knew things were progressing.
Maris:So I kept throwing up. And by twelve, Carson gets a little worried. And I kept throwing up and Carson's like, we need to go to the hospital. I think if anything, you just need fluids. So we get there.
Maris:My med wife was great. I had called her and told her I was going because she had said, If you really need to, go in and they'll probably give you fluids. She meets me there. They take me into triage and I was in triage for probably two hours just laying in this hospital bed and the contractions were so much worse laying down, but they did give me fluids. And then I finally get into a room around okay.
Maris:So called me and my wife at eight. Went in at 10:30. Didn't leave the Triage Room till 12:30 to go to a room. So I was like about
Carrie:a minute, though? They let you
Maris:Admitted at, like, 01:00. I walked into the room with Carson. He's wheeling all our stuff in, and I look at him in after a big contraction, I said, I do not know if I'm gonna be able to do this. I think I need the epidural. He's like, great.
Maris:Whatever you need, like, we're gonna get it done. We had rented a tub, which was great. So the people who were coming to set it up were blowing it up, filling it up with the water. I got into the shower, and the shower helped so much. And things kind of I've heard that.
Maris:If you're
Carrie:if you're laboring naturally, I've heard it's really helpful.
Maris:The water was huge. It really calmed me down. It brought a lot of relief, and things slowed down. I think also mentally, the the feeling of knowing, okay. I'm in the room.
Maris:I don't have to move again. Like, I'm just gonna plant right here. I've got everyone I need. My mom, my mother-in-law, my husband, my midwife's right here if I need her. And the the nurses were so sweet.
Maris:So she was born around no. She's born at May. That's exactly when she was born. So five more hours. They I didn't get a check.
Maris:No. I got a check at one right when I got there, and I was like, six centimeters. So I I took that as a huge win. I was not as far as I
Carrie:wanted to. Pretty big, though, from one. We'll take it. Huge.
Maris:Yeah. Yeah. I was like, yeah. I'll I'll take it. And I just kept doing my thing.
Maris:She was born at May, and she was perfect. She had she was jaundiced. They did keep her an extra night. They had to take her in a blue light. That was that was a little hard.
Maris:They took her away and put her in the in the nursery under a blue light the first night, so I had to go, you know, get up, walk to the nursery, feed her every three hours. And because of the jaundice, they wanted her to eat a lot more to help process the bilirubin. Well, my milk's not come in yet. I'm, like, feeding her colostrum, which is what they're supposed to have, but it just it wasn't happening as quickly as the hospital would like because her her levels were pretty high. And I just wanted to go home.
Maris:Like, I just wanted to be home. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to put her out in the sunlight because my mom said all three I'm one of three sisters. All three of us were jaundice. So she knew I felt confident that she knew how to take care of it if it was within a certain range.
Maris:Anyway, so after that first night, I remember sitting in a chair nursing her and just rocking her, like, alone in there. I was trying to let Carson sleep. Not that he was needing to, you know, I was trying to let him sleep because I knew once we knew I needed Yeah. Take care of sure. And that's when I, you know, kinda solidified her bedtime song.
Maris:Not solidified. It was just kinda by accident. It's just when I started singing her.
Carrie:I had the same thing happen. Yeah. I started singing the lamest song ever. It's just like, I just made it up. And now it's like every night.
Carrie:It's so sweet. He's like, expects it when he hears it. He just immediately is like, head burrowed. Like, here we go. We're going to bed.
Carrie:And I'm like, I really should've put more thought into that because this song is not very good.
Maris:That's what
Carrie:I think. Should've done like, blessing.
Maris:I should have picked a
Carrie:good one, Carrie Job or something, instead of my little.
Maris:Mine's just Jesus loves me, and it was just all I could think of in this postpartum And so it's just Jesus loves me. And so it's really sweet. I'm always thinking I could've been more original, but that's that's how it happened. And it, you it's really it felt like this initiation into motherhood of, like, me alone with my baby. I'm all alone.
Maris:It's just me and her. Yeah. She's brand new. We're figuring it out. And then we went home.
Carrie:Feeling is so special. I I, like Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. I just like I so remember that night for me in the hospital similar where Connor was asleep because I wanted him to. I was like, you're delirious.
Carrie:It's been like three nights since you slept and I need you. And I he wasn't sleeping well in his little bassinet and so I just was like, I'm just gonna hold him. But obviously, if I'm gonna hold him, I'm not gonna sleep. Right. And so I was too scared.
Carrie:So it was just the the the purest night. And it's also when those postpartum hormones are coming in that are just flooding you with the biggest feelings you've ever had in your entire life and all at the same time. And that night is so ingrained in my mind of looking over and seeing Connor asleep, looking out the window and seeing LA behind us. And just middle of the night, just he and I, like, I wasn't a mom twelve hours ago. You don't know?
Carrie:Like, it's the most it's the most special feeling in the whole world. And I I just remember, like, knowing that this is this is, like, one of the the the peak memories of my entire life, you know? It's it's interesting to live
Maris:Yeah. In this You're like,
Carrie:I'm I'm living a core memory and it's so special. And anyway, that just it brought that back to mind. But but that's so that's so beautiful. Like, what a great first birth experience. What would be based on your experience with her, and I wanna hear about Issa as well, but what would be your advice for moms that are on the fence with the epidural?
Carrie:What made you decide to push through? Like, what was
Maris:I don't think it was what just made me decide to push through. I think and and I this is another caveat. I talk to a lot of moms who they hear this I think it's a big trend now to try to go unmedicated. And there's a lot of comparison of, like, you don't get a trophy for going unmedicated or hear about my unmedicated birth story, it's, like, touting it. Like, yeah, you don't get a trophy, but it's also really hard work, but birth is hard work.
Maris:It doesn't matter. No matter how you get through it, the only way out is through. C section is hard work. An epidural is really hard work. Birth is hard work.
Maris:So it's just realizing that no matter how you do it, you're not failing.
Carrie:You're gonna get through it.
Maris:You're gonna get through it. And so so I was I learned everything I could about the epidural because I had also heard terrible epidural stories. I've heard, you know, you could get the epidural and want it, and it's not work, or it's only gonna work on one side, and then you're gonna be miserable and unprepared the whole time. And I'm like, that's not gonna happen because that, you're taking away my safety net. So I did a lot of I just I tried not to be scared of the epidural.
Maris:I tried not to be scared of a c section. I tried not to be scared of the the natural birth and, you know, tearing. My the question is my takeaway and my advice.
Carrie:Yeah. I I guess just I'm just just curious when you said because again, I was epidural from the get go. But for those who are like, I'd love I'd love to not. You said to Carson at one point, I don't think I can do it without. What what was the what shifted for you where you're like, actually, I can do it without or I'm gonna choose to do it without?
Maris:I took it one one contraction at a time and breathing. I practiced breathing a lot beforehand. This is really simple and funny, but I would get a couple of charley horses when I was pregnant, and they'd wake me up in the middle of the night. And when it came time to it, I realized that a charley horse is a lot like a labor contraction in that it hurts so badly. You can't do anything through it and it does go away.
Maris:So I would kind of treat my charley horses like a contraction and practice my breathing.
Carrie:You were in boot camp
Maris:every time. I was
Carrie:on a horse. Here we go.
Maris:It's like I would get one a week in my sleep, that sounds lame. But it was breath. It was just breathing. Mhmm. Being able to control good.
Maris:My breath, understand that adrenaline is rushing, that oxytocin flowing is what's helping everything progress. We had worship music going on. Oh. What's that? There was one point, it was right when I was in transition.
Maris:I was in the tub. My hospital doesn't let you deliver in the tub, but I could be in the tub up until that point. I guess I had reached transition. I didn't really know it because I had this break. I had gotten to this point where I'm really working hard.
Maris:Carson's starting to freak out because it's getting really hard. And my mom is the one doing counter pressure and really helping. And I had like twenty minutes between a contraction, and I actually fell asleep in the tub listening to I think it was the blessing. It was the blessing. Speaking of the blessing.
Maris:And Sounds like a
Carrie:good song.
Maris:And everyone in the room was my mom talks about it, and my mother-in-law talks about it how it was just this crazy piece. And then I woke up, and I had a crazy contraction, and I started feeling like I had to push, I was bearing down. And my midwife's like, yep. We're gonna get to the bed now. And I went to the bed, I started pushing, and she was born forty two minutes later.
Carrie:Wow. That's so cool. That's something that you
Maris:would not think.
Carrie:You would not think a nap would be in an unmedicated birth story, so I love that. Maybe early, but not right before you're gonna push. That's actually so encouraging to hear. Yeah.
Maris:So there is a in my research, to tell you new moms, if you if you're looking for anything in the unmedicated sphere, there's a what they call rest and be thankful phase that some people talk about that can happen in transition. So I really got that. That was a blessing for me.
Carrie:I love that. Okay. So obviously, without telling us the full next birth story, I would love to hear, were there differences with ASAs and was it also a a great birth? Because it how how far in between are the kids? They're two years apart?
Maris:They're twenty two and a half months apart. Twenty three Yeah. So ASA was very similar, uncomplicated pregnancy. I was definitely not as active as I was before, like, working out wise because I'm chasing around a a one year old and 18 old. Yeah.
Carrie:You're probably active, just different kind of active.
Maris:Totally different active. And being pregnant with a toddler is so much harder than being than being having a newborn and chasing out a toddler. Much different. It's so much easier to be postpartum. If you're pregnant, then just know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
Maris:Okay. Love hearing that. With Asa, I had much more heartburn. That was hard. I did feel more I did start to look at Carson and say, I feel really pregnant around eight weeks prior to delivery.
Maris:So, like, double the time. But labor was a lot easier. At the second time, it was shorter. I started to I woke up with contractions. I couldn't sleep through at, like, 6AM instead of three, and he was born at 3PM.
Maris:So Wow. And I did I kind did the same thing. I labored at home. I knew to stay on top of my hydration this time. I was really like salt in my water, lemon, trying to get all the electrolytes in, get some food in myself, and the same thing.
Maris:I had the tub at the hospital, same midwife, same people in the room, music going. And I did feel like I I figured out what I wanted and didn't want from the first one, and it was really lovely. It was definitely more intense. I didn't have that rest and be thankful phase with Asa, but pushing was shorter and labor overall was shorter. He was born and he was
Carrie:love that. Great. That's so sweet.
Maris:Nursing the second time was a lot easier. Eden had a little bit of I know you had tongue and lip fiber with Archie and Taha. Eden had a little bit of a lip tie, but the pediatrician said they didn't recommend cutting it, that she would probably grow out of it. So I did little pacifier exercises. And she took a long time to nurse, like forty five minutes, and she would click and have extra air.
Maris:But we got through it. I did a lot of lactation consultants because my hospital sent me home with an appointment for a lactation consultant at the hospital. They had a free clinic that was unbelievable. So I was able to leave the hospital with an appointment to go have somebody assess her. It was such a blessing.
Carrie:That's huge. Getting help right away is if you're having struggling with the latching is so big. Yeah.
Maris:So I, you know, I talked to the lactation consultant in the delivery room or in the postpartum room, and you're just flooded with so much information. So much of it just went in one ear out the other. And I had no idea what he's doing. So same time around, it was a lot better. He didn't have as much of a tongue tie and he would nurse so much faster.
Maris:I was not used to my newborn feeding in twenty minutes. It took Just chugging. Exactly. It was just chugging. Yeah.
Maris:I wonder
Carrie:if that's at all. I'm sure it's personality based. I also wonder if it's if it's gender based because I obviously had a boy and he was a chugger. Like, it would literally be like ten minutes on each side tops and he's like, moving on. Okay.
Carrie:Next. I was like, woah. This Yeah. Is It was great. And then some of my sweet friends with like little girls are just like sitting there for a while peacefully just chatting.
Carrie:I'm like, she's still going?
Maris:I told you.
Carrie:I don't know. I don't know. But that's so funny.
Maris:I have another friend who had a boy first and then she's having a girl. So we'll see. We'll see if the
Carrie:We'll see. Yeah. I'll keep you posted on
Maris:that. Research going.
Carrie:We'll see. Speaking of the of the two and having you have a boy and a girl, which is so sweet. I'd love to know how was that transition? And also just how was it like how was it going from one to two? And then also what has it been like to experience just mothering both a boy and a girl?
Maris:Yeah. Still feel like I'm not an expert by any means. Like I said, learning day by day, but Mhmm. The transition from one to two has been really sweet. Eden has taken to him so well.
Maris:Yeah. She loves him.
Carrie:He's so cute.
Maris:She's so nurturing, and she loves her, you know, oh oh, Asa. And, you know, we talked through my belly growing, and I would read her this I'm a Big Sister book every night, and she was so excited for him. So meeting him in the hospital, it wasn't like the perfect she was so excited and everything was perfect. Like, she's still not even two, trying to figure it out. Where's mommy's belly?
Maris:So it wasn't traumatic for her. It wasn't terrible. It wasn't, like, the most awe inspiring sweet story, but she talked to him really well. The transition has been I needed a lot more help. In the beginning, I felt like every day I was learning something new and I could just I could get on do it on my own.
Maris:I could I could be self sufficient. If Carson needed to go to work right now, I would be great. I could take this for a week, you know, at whatever age she was. The second time around, I needed help. You know?
Maris:If I'm gonna travel to him, how am I gonna fly with two kids on my own when I'm breastfeeding one every two and a half, three hours, if not more, you know, if things go crazy and I'm chasing around a a two year old. So I've needed a lot more help and had to rely on people more, which is not my strength. Carson will tell you that. So it's been refining. It's been really refining in that, but I really am so grateful for my family and for Carson, for my friends who have helped me.
Maris:They'll help bring us meals or take Eden out to the park or, you know, Carson being home. He just entertainer, and I can stay with Asap. If I just need to go for a drive or a walk and get out for ten minutes to just clear my head, he's got her. You know, he can stay here while they nap, and I can I can go clear my head for a moment, which I know a lot of people aren't that fortunate? And I it's not lost on me how how grateful I am for that and how blessed I am.
Carrie:So Beautiful, Maris.
Maris:Not like a fear of it's terrible going from one to two. It's really been wonderful, but the thing I've learned is I need help. You know? Everyone needs help.
Carrie:We I just gonna say, we're all meant to raise our kids in a village, so that that makes so much sense. And that's awesome that you already are just aware of that and and so open to, like, receiving the help. That's really great. I wanna I wanna also touch on you are a full time mom. You are a that is your job info like title, you're CEO of momhood in your home.
Maris:Down on the drop down.
Carrie:Yeah. And and we we've talked about it a little bit in person, but I know that a lot of moms, whether you worked before you had kids or you got married young, you didn't, whatever everyone's story is, it is not the, I don't know, most celebrated thing and it can be hard for women who have worked to just be like, I'm just a mom or I'm a full time mom. And there can be a need to prove. I mean, I'm home with him right now and that's pretty much all I'm doing. And challenges me every time to just That's enough to be like, yeah, I'm staying home right now And not with, well, but I'm also doing this thing I'm passionate about or well, I'm still doing this or
Maris:And justify.
Carrie:Right. So we justify. Yes. And it's it's literally such an important full time job. And so I just would love to know like how you walk with such a confidence in that, at least at least viewing it from from the outside.
Carrie:I think it's really inspiring whether you are a mom who's, you know, stay home full time or not. Really just however we are as moms, just walking in that confidence is so important and not comparing like we talked about earlier. So how for you particularly, it's it's home full time right now. How do you navigate that and walk in confidence? And is that something you struggle with or do you love it?
Maris:Confidence when I was younger was definitely not a word people would use to describe me, not bold or outspoken, not confident. But I think that motherhood has really emboldened me because everything I'm doing is for is for the better, you know, for the betterment of my children and my family. And so thank you. I really appreciate that. I have really worked to be confident in that and not well, you know, I'm I'm not doing as much as this mom who who works and goes with their kids.
Maris:And that may be true. I mean, I'm not I'm not doing as much out of the house, but I am still a full time mom. I'm giving everything I have just like you are to your children. Mhmm. And so it was actually a really sweet older man, older married man one day.
Maris:We Carson and I were at an event late one night. It was, like, our date night, and I forget where we were, who it was, but I'll never forget that what he said is, you know, what do you do? And Carson said, oh, I'm in entertainment. You know? Hush-hush.
Maris:Whatever. Not looked at me and said, and what do you do? And I said, oh, I'm just I'm just a stay at home mom. You know? I just I just stay with the kids and follow Carson around.
Maris:He's like, you are not just a stay at home mom. You need to say, I'm I'm a full time mom. He's like, my wife was a full time mom for years and years and years, and and it's such a blessing to your family. And so that was really sweet to hear from an older man who had a family and whose wife did that to realize not that I didn't know that, but it is what I'm being called to at this at this season. I love it, and I'm so grateful that I get to give my all to my kids and my family.
Maris:And it for us, it does make us flexible, back to that word, to be able to follow a person. You know? If, lord willing, he books a job and he's in LA for six months, I don't have to quit a job or, you know, work that more of that around, which we would if we needed to, but I can go with the kids, you know Yeah. On a job. I can I can do it wherever wherever he is?
Maris:Because we we wanna be together, obviously, and I we really such a team
Carrie:in that way.
Maris:Try and yeah. And that's what, you know, marriage is. And so we want our kids to experience a lot and experience places, and we have this crazy unique positioning to to give them that. So Mhmm. It has been it has been a a confidence booster to to hear people encourage me in that because there have been a lot of people, and I don't think it comes naturally to me to be confident in that.
Maris:I I went to school for exercise physiology. I got a degree from the University of Florida, and I always felt like I never used it. Was in personal training for a little bit, and then I worked in health care administration, you know, when we first got married. Then he moved, and I tried to do it remote, it didn't work. And then he was bouncing all over the place, so I never got another job, and then I had kids.
Maris:Mhmm. So it was a a seamless transition, but I did feel like, okay. Now I have a purpose with kids, and Mhmm. Should I be doing more?
Carrie:Well, you you do such a good job and like, you know, like the man said, it is such a blessing to your family and I just I see the way that you guys just carry yourself as a family and you are the mantle in so many ways, you know, what you do at home and whether you work or you don't, we're the homemakers. Make them. Exactly.
Maris:We make them. That's what my mom said that to me this morning, actually. She has recently quit her job and she really wants to be a grandma and she's kind of figuring out what she wants to do. And she had she said, I had to fill out a form today, and they had an option for homemaker. And right now, that's my job.
Maris:So I'm a homemaker. And, you know, I'm I was talking about coming on the podcast, and, you know, you're you're a stay at home mom. I'm a stay at home mom, and that's all I do. She goes, and that is what you what you are doing. That's not all you do.
Maris:It's what you were doing and you're giving everything to it. You're a homemaker. How valuable it I mean, I call it I call
Carrie:it twenty five call it full time. I call it twenty four seven, you know?
Maris:On call. 04:00 they wake up.
Carrie:Exactly. Here we are. It's us. We're yep. We're on the clock.
Carrie:We've got our pager ready to ready to step in. That's so good. Maris, this conversation was so wonderful. I I really appreciate you taking the time, to do this. I know you're busy with with little kids and everything.
Carrie:So thank you for being on. I hope that this blesses so many moms and and I I think it will. So
Maris:Hope so too. I hope it's a blessing and not a not a discouragement. You know, this is just our life and what what we're being called to in this season. And prayerfully, we're just we're trying to walk the path that the Lord has for us. And so Mhmm.
Maris:Everyone looks different. Even in my family, things look different. And the the the goal is to come alongside other believers and encourage in the way that we can. So I hope that somebody is encouraged and not discouraged and just know you
Carrie:do a
Maris:great job. Being a new mom is so hard. It is. It's so rewarding. World.
Maris:It is so rewarding. So thank you. Thank you. Absolutely.