F*ck Fear with Christine Spratley: Living Like a Head Bitch In Charge | Asleep Dreaming You're Awake.

Living Curiously: Overcoming Fear and Embracing Life's Questions with Christine Spratley

In this episode of 'Fuck Fear,' Christine Spratley delves into the concept of being 'asleep dreaming you're awake' and the importance of curiosity in personal growth. Christine reflects on her experiences in Alcoholics Anonymous and the wisdom she's gathered about questioning one's beliefs and assumptions in various facets of life, from professional careers to personal relationships and spiritual beliefs. She emphasizes the value of staying curious, challenging the status quo, and the transformative power of self-inquiry in leading a fulfilling life. Join Christine as she shares personal anecdotes, thoughtful insights, and practical advice on living an awakened and authentic journey.

00:00 Welcome to 'Fuck Fear' with Christine Spratley
00:48 Exploring the Concept of 'Sleep Dreaming'
02:10 Questioning Assumptions in Work and Life
05:12 Personal Relationships and Emotional Awareness
06:20 The Importance of Curiosity in Spirituality and Health
07:39 Facing Fear and Embracing Change
11:39 Curiosity vs. Judgment in Modern Times
16:17 The Value of Curiosity in Personal Growth
28:12 Final Thoughts on Living Curiously

Creators and Guests

Host

Christine (HBIC) Spratley

Dynamic Public Speaker | Change Catalyst | Career Navigation Coach

What is F*ck Fear with Christine Spratley: Living Like a Head Bitch In Charge ?

This podcast is for anyone who wants to live like an HBIC—or lives with, works with, marries, dates, or is raising one. Let’s be real: being a Head Bitch in Charge is messy, bold, and unapologetically badass. This is not a guidebook—it’s a pantry.

My guests and I will share the ingredients that we use—what’s worked and what’s failed—as we say “fuck fear” and take action to live a fulfilled life. We cover real-life hacks and deep philosophical pillars to navigate the chaos of everyday life—where some days, my only accomplishment is having a bra on and my teeth brushed.

We’re tackling the daily shit women navigate, from workplace politics to relationships, raising kids, and building careers, all with humor, audacity, and zero filters.

So, tune in—tell your friends, and even your enemies. This isn’t about aging with grace—it’s about aging with mischief, audacity, and a damn good story to tell.

031 Fuck Fear -
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[00:00:00]

Christine: Tubs, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Fuck Fear with Christine Spratley, living like a head bitch in charge. so we've got a good one today. Um, we always have a good one. I know I say that a lot, but I do like this one.

Um, it's called a Sleep Dreaming. You're Awake. I am recovering and, um, have heard different things from different rooms, different inside the rooms of, of Alcoholics Anonymous. [00:01:00] And th they are not, um, I'm not speaking on their behalf or anything on that, that, but I do like to share some of the phrases that I have heard.

And one of them that I've heard was, um, on some tapes. That we used to listen to back in the days when you made tapes there's step tapes and you know, go through the steps of a, of the alcoholic Thomas. There's spirituality tapes and all this stuff.

And, um, one of 'em was, and I, I think it's the Joe and Charlie tapes, I think that's who it was. But they talk about, you know, being asleep, dreaming, you're awake, and the idea of, you know, I got, I, I know what's going on. I. I know what's going on, and I, I liken this because this is, I got introduced to this ve barely early in my life, and it's, I, I like to say I have the best forgetter ever.

So I learned the lesson yesterday and I get a chance to practice what I learned today and I completely forgot it. [00:02:00] Um, you know, put a, put a different dress on it and it looks, I'm like, who are you? You know, it's like, no, same person, same thing. And I think I, and I have to try and do this.

I, or I want to do this. I wanna talk about it from my, when I go into situations, I think, I assume I know like I at the lay of the land, whether it be in personal relationships, business, um, my beliefs around spirituality and my health. And, um, but do I really know and. The things that I've started to realize about myself, especially as I've gotten older, um, is that I'm kind of done asking why, and I, I, and, and what that has led to is that I, I'm asleep dreaming, I'm awake.

I lot, and I, for a long time I was like, I just quit. I quit. I know, you know, or this is the way it's gonna be, and I'll, I'll give you an example. An example of, I'll give you an example [00:03:00] in work, you know, I'm supposed to get the next job, get the promotion, climb the ladder, do whatever. Um, or you've heard this a hundred times.

I know, I've heard, I've know people that are listening have heard this. Um, they go, well, one of the things as a manager or a boss you hate to hear is, well, why are we doing that that way? Well, that's the way we've always done it. Right? And just drives people nuts. And I remember, um. Sometimes we would get in, in, in the, in the work that we, I would do, we would get these Excel spreadsheets and they'd have formulas and they'd be like, oh, we used this template last time.

We'll use it again. And Dan Dominic Ucci used to just bust the, bust us and, um, just bust our chops on it. And he'd be like, no. No, like you, you can understand the formula, but you have to go through, 'cause that's where we would always make mistakes. We would assume that it was right and that it applied and we didn't do any more investigation.

We didn't look into [00:04:00] it like we didn't question and I. That's just a small example of like, like, okay, if you're listening to this and you're like, okay, well what can I take away from this, from my work professional? Okay, when's the last time you questioned at work? Not that other person or this or that, but just you?

Like, why are you there? What the hell are you doing? How are you participating? Why are you giving the answers, like what's going on? And typically. I remember, I just quit questioning. I just, and for a long time I didn't even question. I just, I got, I kept getting promoted, I kept doing this. It was what, you know, that's what you're supposed to do, right?

Like you're supposed to get promoted and get more money. Like, I didn't even realize that I had a career until I was way into my career. And then I was like, well, I've been here this long, I guess I'm gonna do it. But I had never asked if I like doing it. Like I just didn't question. The curiosity in me was not about that.

Why? 'cause it was busy. 'cause I was making good money 'cause [00:05:00] I was enjoying other things. And I'm not saying overload it, but it's that idea of questioning and I'm just, I'm, I'm, so, I know what's going on in my personal relationships. An example, and I just got done doing the previous podcast about, um, meeting my brother for the first time.

But a good example for me right now is. Um, when I go and I go, okay, I'm going to meet my brother, right? It's gonna be personal, like, I'm ready for this. I've talked about it with my friends. I've, you know, written about it, I've meditated about it. I've done all this stuff. I, I know it's, you know, I know it's gonna be emotionally intense, but there are a lot of other things going around.

And, um, I didn't realize that there was shit going on in me. I was getting much, I was getting more than anticipated stimuli of emotions until my friend Cam called, who's the zen ferry from hell and [00:06:00] just is like, Hey. And I'm like, ah. And I just bit her head off and, and literally I'm like, you know, after that whole interaction stuff, I was like, whoa, wait a minute kid.

What's going on? And again, I thought I knew and then it was like, okay, spend some time with us. And it's one of those things where I started thinking about that. Just the whole idea of why do I not ask questions in my spiritual life? Am I, am I, you know, in, in your religious life maybe or whatever you practice?

Why am I not questioning and um, in my health, oh my god, I remember, I remember my stepdaughter, Madison talking to me about. You know, getting off the pill and, um, because, you know, some, some things that she was reading and stuff, and I was just, was so arrogant, ignorant at the time, and I didn't say anything to her, you know, I was like, okay, all right.

But behind [00:07:00] I was, I, I remember having conversations with my husband at the time, her dad about like, that's just silly. And then, you know. There was nothing to base that on. There was nothing to base that on. And that's the other thing about this is that I just, it's almost like I assume that I know these things, and you've heard me say it before, probably on this podcast, and I know, Joe, you've heard me say it is, do you think or do you know, okay, do I think or do I know?

And then why do I think or why do I know? And have I really investigated this? Have I really gone in and asked the questions? And what I find is that when I don't want to challenge a belief or be awake. It is because I typically think I'm gonna, you know, something's gonna change and I don't want it to change.

'cause that could lead to uncertainty and uncomfortability and, you know, my, my nice neat little spot [00:08:00] in life may be disrupted, um, again, on any of these levels. But when I don't do that, um, then I don't like you asking questions and I don't wanna ask any questions. You know, it's like that. See no evil here, no evil, you know, speak no evil.

And it's like, I don't want the 50 wises as a 2-year-old. But the, the interesting thing is if it's the truth, it survives as much questioning as possible. Whether it's a belief about religion, whether it's belief about my relationship, whether it's a belief about work, whether or or, and I say belief, but beliefs to me are just the things that I take on faith and I say, okay, we're gonna done, we're not gonna investigate. And the truth, they, they survive all of that.

So why, why do I get, why am I so opposed to curiosity and why do I want, I mean, this is the one life I [00:09:00] live. I remember having a conversation. With someone, um, who has very limited access to me and my time and any part of me anymore. And I was talking to them and they were like, why do you always, why can't you just live?

Why do you always gotta wonder about why you do things? And I'm like, well, I'm just curious. You know, I just wanna, I wanna know, I wanna, I don't wanna be doing shit just to be doing shit, you know? I mean, I don't. You know, and I, I guarantee you when I'm sitting there singing with my 14-year-old nephew, I'm not wondering why I'm doing shit.

But when I'm yelling at my friends or, um, deciding that I don't want to work in my career anymore, or I'm starting to get, I call it that itchy sweater, you know, something's just not comfortable. I do wanna know why. I wanna, I [00:10:00] want as much of the good stuff as I can get out of this journey. And I don't get it if I'm just not asking, not paying attention.

Because again, if there's something to change to make it better, I get to change it. Even if it is, you don't need to be in my life anymore, or I need to quit this job, or I need to take this, or I need to do change, you know, get on hormone replacement therapy. Even if it's that, those are my actions that change, those are my boundaries that I set.

These are my definitive actions, and if I don't know why I am doing them, then the subconscious just leads me around by the nose. And, and I, I sometimes think about that and, and I, I, I like visuals. And what I think about is I go, when we were showing cattle, [00:11:00] 'cause I was in four H farm girl hair, we'd show cattle and we'd get the, you know, the bowl, the nose rings for the bowls.

Do you know what I'm talking about Joe? You look like you're confused. No, I've, I've, I've seen those. Okay. Well for those, anybody who doesn't know 'em, basically they're, they're little nose rings. Only, they're not rings. You don't pull 'em, put them through their nose. They just click and they're, and basically that's how you, you can lead a bull basically.

'cause they don't wanna pull against that. 'cause it, it'll hurt if it pulls. Right. But it's like that, like I'm being pulled around by something that I have no idea what the hell it is, but I think I do.

Joe Woolworth: Yeah. You know? Do you think it's become, I think it has. Do you think it's become worse? I feel like curiosity has been by a lot of people right now in our times.

Mm-hmm. Because of political stuff and all kinds of stuff. Been confused with judgment. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? So like, like you look at social media, the algorithms, rewards hot takes. Mm-hmm. Not, not [00:12:00] questioning stuff. Mm-hmm. Um. Mm. Even curiosity is just like if you ask somebody a question, it can be perceived as virtue signaling or baiting them.

Mm-hmm. Or it's like mm-hmm. Or taking a stance and all you're doing is really asking a question. Mm-hmm.

Christine: So let me understand is because there, to me, there's two questions here. One is, it is what gotten got gotten worse? The art of curiosity.

Joe Woolworth: Yeah. I feel like it's been discouraged. Okay. Okay. In the last 10 years.

And I think the over politicization, social media, there's been some stuff that I feel is contributing to training it out of us, honestly. Okay.

Christine: Well, I, I honestly. Um, think, and of course this is my 2 cents, so you didn't pay more than 2 cents, and it may not even be worth, worth that, but like, I think we're just fucking lazy.

I think I, I think I am, I think, and I say this because I,[00:13:00]

whether or not I'm curious, does it matter what you do? Yeah. And I'm not gonna, like, I can easily say, well, you know, I don't wanna have that. I, I had this conversation with this other person the other night and I said, I, I really don't want to, I don't wanna bring this up. I don't wanna share this with you.

And this person said, Christine, those are old fucking tapes. Like, it's time for you to put some new tapes in, like you're a grown ass woman. And it's like, I just, I just don't, I know it's hard. Um, I know that we can get along, but like again, my. My algorithms are pretty fricking funny, you know? And, and I know now that if I click on one, I go, Ooh, no, now I'm gonna get like a hundred of this shit.

I got to do like 300 more of the other stuff. Right? Um, but, and I think where it comes from is, for me anyway, is I don't wanna, I don't, I don't wanna be curious. I don't wanna see, 'cause I don't want to engage with you to go and go, oh my [00:14:00] God, Joe's gonna be mad if I ask this question. And then I have to fucking sit there and have to work it out with him and.

Joe Woolworth: Oh, I have to be a human being. Yeah, I see what you're saying. It's, it could be laziness because curiosity takes time.

Christine: Take, it takes energy, and it takes me having to have a communication in an uncomfortable setting, typically.

Joe Woolworth: Right.

Christine: Especially if I'm curious about, and it involves another human being because I have no control over what their shit is.

Joe Woolworth: Right. And judgment is the exact opposite of taking time. It's like just one swipe.

Christine: Yeah. And, and, and I would even say, like, for me, it, I always laugh about this, I always hear people bitch about the kids these days. I'm like, well, who the hell raised him? Well, most of the people that are bitching about 'em are bi are the people that raised him.

Right? Okay, well, where the hell are the adults in the room? Like, where are we? So where does the buck stop? It stops in my backyard. What's in my backyard? And if I choose to go and say. A big thing I hear, [00:15:00] especially when I'm coaching people, is I'll do that, I'll do that later. I'll postpone this until later.

I'll do this later. I'll engage in this, I'll research it. I'll look at it, I'll be curious about it later. You know, we I heard this the other weekend. Um, I, you know, the kids need me to do this. They, they've gotta have this. And I'm like, really? Like, I know. 'cause I gave this my kids, my step kids and I, they had everything that they needed.

Way more than they needed. And I'm like, you know, I know some pretty non well adjusted people that grew up with shit, you know, and, and we've all, you know, so like, what do you need? And again, it's that curiosity of why do I have to, why am I using language like this? Why am I using, it's an all or nothing.

Why am I accepting the. Yeah, it's, it's, it's the iPhones. It's this, it's that why am I accepting the political narrative? Screw [00:16:00] off, have the conversation. And, and it's hard. I'm not saying it's easy. But if I don't, if I don't ever have the conversation quietly to myself, there's no fricking way that I'm gonna have it with you.

Joe Woolworth: Yeah. I think it's way undervalued curiosity right now. Oh, one of my favorite Einstein quotes. I dunno if you heard this one. I have no special talents. I'm only passionately curious.

Christine: Yeah. Yeah. [00:17:00] I am the only person that I have total domain over.

Right. Like, that's it. And, and I am with me the whole time in my life. I'm the only person that I spend the whole time in my life with, right? So I get all of the information from every experience, and there are a plethora of tools out there to help me, you know, from religion to therapy to boost. You know, it's like I always say, there's therapy, there's, there's religion and there's booze and, and drugs and alcohol.

You know, there's, there's, and sometimes for some people, there's all [00:18:00] three. You know, so like there's, there's tons of tools out there to help you get through your life. But if I am the only person that I carry me with, I will, that this is the longest relationship I will ever have, and I only get do this once, then why am I so afraid to be curious?

And for me it's because a lot of one, sometimes I don't realize that I'm no longer curious. It's, I, I, I love this saying too, there's no, you know, you never arrive. Like I remember sitting in an AA meeting and going, oh, you never arrive. Like you never get there. Like, I remember watching 30 something, the TV show and going, no, when you're 30 something, that's what that looks like.

And then I remember getting to be 30 something and going, huh. Like, and, and I just found out I had a little brother a year ago, like, and I'm 40. Or I'm 40, listen to me, I'm 54, I'll be 55 this year, [00:19:00] and I'm single again. You know, so like, you don't arrive and yet I wanna go, this is what this looks like. I wanna put it in a box because it feels safe.

It feels I don't have to grow. It feels, man, I'm tired. And, and, and another thing is, instead of just saying. I'm really fucking tired. I'm really nervous. I'm really scared. I just need a break. I said this to a person the other day. I said, I just, I'll pick up the load again, but I just need a break. I need a five minute break.

And this person said, take a five minute break. And then I was able to take a break and pick up the load again. But if I don't do that, then I go into, I can't. I'm holding my breath forever. And then after a while, you know, what is it? You're, you're a fish that never knows what water tastes like. You know, you just, you're just in it.

And I [00:20:00] don't want to go through and not be awake, and I'm not gonna be awake to everything. And I'm not, that doesn't mean I do it. Right. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna screw up, you know, I. But I know, I'm like, I had a dog, um, Whoopi was her name. She was have lab aum. And when she'd do something wrong, she'd, and you've seen this on these TikTok videos or whatever, the dogs won't look at you.

You know, they'll look every which way.

Joe Woolworth: Right.

Christine: And that's what I'm like, and after a while I forget that I'm not even looking away. I'm just looking over here. 'cause I've looked over here so many times. The truth is always there, whether I acknowledge it or not, whether I learn about it, whether I'm curious about it or not.

Assholes are always gonna be assholes and, and I can just ignore that. Or I can [00:21:00] be, be one and say, no, I'm not. Or I'm this great person and I can be a shit. Or I am, you know? And I'll just be really honest. There are things that I am really. I'd rather not deal with. So would that rather not deal with, and you've heard me talk about telling on myself to people and you know, I, I do, I tell on myself, but it's, it's a way to, one, stay curious.

But two, it goes back to, you know, what this whole thing is about, fuck, fear. Because it's like you just got, I, I get to say that, I get to be as curious about it, but in order to do that. I have to go, Ooh, little bit nervous. Ooh, little bit scared. Don't maybe know what's, why or how come, but if I get to grow beyond what I can be today, I have to participate in that growth.[00:22:00]

If I, and I always say this, if I want, how much of the good stuff do I want? You know, you, you can't get deep until you scratch the surface. I got a hundred phrases for, you can't get deep until you scratch the surface. You can't get found until you're lost. You know? Like, it just doesn't happen. So if I'm, if I'm asleep, but I'm dreaming, I'm awake and I've got it and I don't, and I'm, and this is the path, and, and that's fine.

That's absolutely fine. I'm not saying your path is not where your path. I am just saying what questions, if there were three things that you could become curious about today, even if they're tiny, you know, even if it's just, I don't know, what could you become curious about? And maybe it starts outside of you in a, in a non-threatening non, you know, in a very peripheral way, and then you bring it in

Joe Woolworth: and you become curious.[00:23:00]

Yeah, maybe don't start with the big ones.

Christine: You know, there's nothing wrong with that. But I know that when I feed my curiosity, and it's truly not a curiosity because you asked this before, you know, people use curiosity. Use the guise of curiosity, you know, to crucify, you know? No, I'm just being curious. No, you're being mean is what you're being, you know.

But when you're just out there and you're really trying to go, oh, I wonder what, what if you sat down with your kids, you know, for those of you have kids, and for those of you who have GR grown kids, because I want your grown kids. And were like, Hey, what are five silly questions that I could be curious about my life today about?

I wonder, what if we put that into chat, GPT or whatever you use now, Joe. You know, like what are, what are, what could we be curious about? What are very simplistic things that would add joy to our life and act like a child mindset? And just be curious [00:24:00] about I and, and just wonder, and then ask again. And then ask again.

I, I am always interested in people because my parents were very religious. My dad was a deacon in the Catholic church, and, um, they liked curiosity to a point, um, until, until we, until, you know, we got really questioning and one of my, and so I of course was not like that. I was very much curious and very much wanted to know what the fuck.

Why, why have all this stuff. And I've, I've gone through a lot of different, um, educations around that and stuff. But when I get in and, you know, me, I'm, I'm a little bit of a smart ass. And, um, I get into some settings where I pick up this overtone of we're not gonna, this is the belief and this is the only way.

And so one of my favorite questions, and I just come in and [00:25:00] I'm such a. And I do this, but it's fun because you really start to see people that are comfortable and not comfortable with, with who they are and with their beliefs and everything. Um, is I'll be like, and we'll be talking about, you know, 'cause I love talking about aliens.

Um, 'cause I'd started, that's one of the things when I left, when I left and I moved outta my house, I had this, I had this streaming system and so I didn't have sports to watch. So I had to watch different things and. I ended up watching all these documentaries on aliens and blah, blah, blah, blah. So, again, very curious.

Um, so I remember having this conversation with this group of people, and now that's one of my favorite things to ask is, you know, so, so, okay. You know, we talk, get 'em involved, talk about aliens and, yeah. Oh yeah. You know, and Congress had this hearing and blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. So. What religion are they?

And like, [00:26:00] okay, if they're not, are they, if they're not this or they're not Christian or they're whatever, you know, like, like how does that work? Like, do they, did they not know? But you know, like how does that work? And again, it's just, and it's not, I'm not trying to crucify, I'm just really curious. I think it's, I think it's fun.

I'd love to hear people tell me about that. It's, and, and, but what's wrong? I'm not trying to disprove anybody's belief. I mean, you can believe whatever the hell you wanna believe or, you know, whatever. But it, it, it's just like, okay, well I hadn't thought of that. I mean, remember the show kids say the damnedest things.

Joe Woolworth: Yeah. We can't, we can't like it anymore. 'cause of Cosby.

Christine: Well, yeah, but it was before that. Okay. Before Cosby did it. Okay. If you look back, there's even one that goes before that and. Which was actually a lot better because it wasn't as scripted. I think Tiffany Haddish did a rebrand, didn't she? I she did.

Yeah, she did. She's funny. She's funny. But, um, it's like, it's like, yeah, what, what, what, what do [00:27:00] you do? You know, wait, like what? What? I remember I was a nanny in Austin, Texas, and I was, I was a boxer, I was a nanny and gonna school. And um, I was sitting there one day and I walk outside and this little girl that I was a nanny for, Erin was sitting there and she had this.

Big smile. You never see a kid with just like that big, they're, they're like real serene and you know, in about five seconds they're gonna go ba, you know, or whatever. Yeah. Mm-hmm. But for that moment, they're just serene as can be. And every mom's going, yeah, I wish I had more of those. Um, well, she's just sitting there and I go, what are you thinking about?

And she goes, candy. And I thought. When's the last time I just thought about candy for a while and was like, yeah, and, and it was just candy. It was like all the different kinds, candy and what candy she wanted to have and what candy she had yesterday and what kind of candy your mom liked and why her mom [00:28:00] liked that candy and, and, and why, you know, some candy leaves st.

Like it, like we had a huge fricking dissertation about it and it was just joy.

And I just think for me, if I am the one person that I am stuck with this whole journey and the person that I'm responsible for this whole journey, then I do not want to be asleep dreaming. I'm awake through my journey. I want to be curious and anything that I'm afraid of, the answers. They don't get to change if they're bad, they don't get to change unless I acknowledge them.

And then you can change it, you know, then, then it can pivot. That can move. And if I wanna keep it, who says the answer says that I have to let it, let it go, or that I can't?

I am [00:29:00] I, and I'm, and I'm saying this as a person who struggles with this, don't. No, I like. It is, like I've said before, when I water ski, I hung onto that. After I'd go down, I'd hang onto it, and at the bottom, I hang onto that shit as long as I can. But what I've learned is that I, I do it a lot less now because I want it more.

I want to, I wanna just explore and I wanna approach things from a childlike heart. Um. And I feel like I get to do that more and more. And when I get to, you know, it just again, a year ago, there's so much that's different in my life, but there's been so many things that have been like, I didn't ask for these gifts and asked for a lot of the pain either.

But I don't get the pain. Like I, I tell people, I don't get to share what I have with [00:30:00] this, my friends now, if I'm not willing to go through and share my pain and, and to witness that, the women that have gone before, ladies, if you've got women in your life that have stood up for you and gone before you, you don't, they, and, and you connect with them and you have that connection, you don't get to get that.

Unless they've gone through and been curious about their pain and been curious about their journey, you don't get to share that. I don't have nothing. I have nothing in common with you, Joe, of meaning, other than a business relationship. Unless we both show up in our lives and be curious about it. I,

you know, and I mean, you do a great job punk get, you know, producing and all this stuff, but we don't have anything more than that and we've had laughs in the back room. You know, talking about Josh's trip to, you know, coming up and just Philippines to stuff, you know, I don't get that magic unless [00:31:00] I'm curious about me, about what's going on.

I don't get it if I don't have this, if I don't take a risk. 'cause I spent so many years not wanting to live out loud in public at all, protection of myself. So I don't know what you can be curious about today, but there's something, and if you're like me for a while, I really remember not being curious. I remember going, oh shit, I'm not curious.

Like, I was like, it was done. It was, it was like turned the dial was down to zero and then sit back. You go, why do, why do, why do I need to be not curious? Why am I so di tied in to not being curious?

What, what is it, what am I afraid of? What, what has to stay the same? [00:32:00] Because I don't know, I just, I don't wanna be who I am tomorrow, the same person that I am today. Even if it's just a little bit different, a little bit more sideways, a little bit more ornery, a little bit more goofy, even if it's making mistakes.

I want to be awake on this journey, and I hope you do too, because it's an amazing journey and I don't believe I get a do over. And I never, you know, I was just talking about this with someone the other night. The illusion of time, the illusion that we get to grow old and that we get to, I'll get around to it later.

I'll, I'll look into this. When I, when I, when I, and I just go back to you, that is just not, that is an illusion [00:33:00] and it is. We don't know when that time is up. And now that, and frankly for me, I don't want to be scared into doing it, you know? Um, I just, I just wanna do it. I wanna be that. Why, why, why? And I can just see Jason right now, the guy I used to work with.

Do you think? Or do you know why? And he'd be like, oh, just shut up. You just shut up. The numbers are the numbers. Like, all right, why? You know what, tell me, tell me more. And um, it was funny. I always liked clients like that. I was like, clients that asked a hundred questions. I didn't always like the way they asked it, and I wasn't always prepared for it.

But they turned out to be better clients because they were curious. And they could grow on that knowledge and then I could grow on their knowledge and then we could have this exchange and then I wasn't [00:34:00] defensive or I wasn't, you know, I could go beyond what I thought. And I just believe, kind of going back, Joe, to what you were saying earlier and wondering why we, why curiosity is kind of lost its hold.

And I believe that it's, we, like we, I sometimes like chosen ignorance. You know, chosen ignorance, plausible deniability. And, um, what I've learned from me is that that becomes really uncomfortable. And I always think, I know I'm gonna be able to go, oh, now I'm curious. Turn it on, turn it off. And, and that's, that's not what I've learned for me.

I don't have that mastery of that it either, I either feed it and it grows and it grows, or it starts to dole down and die down and die down. And then it's really hard. It's like [00:35:00] calcification of walls around it that I can't bust through. So what can you be curious about what, what aspect, what one of the four aspects would you like to be curious about?

And this again, I.

But just see, and then I'm curious about why you chose that particular point. You know, question. I don't know. Just again, this is your journey. This is your journey. Whoever is listening to this, this is your journey. It's not mine, it's not Joe's, it's not anybody. It's not your husband. It's not your, it's not your kids.

It's not your dogs, it's not your grandparents. It's, it's, it's not, it's yours.

That's awesome.

So you get to figure out and ask as many questions along the way as you want.[00:36:00]

You know, so how much, how much of this good stuff do you want? You know, go find it. And until then. Tubs.