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The episodes are the weekly sermons from 922 Ministries (St. Peter and The CORE) of Appleton, Wisconsin.
Almost Honest Christians
Week 2 - The CORE
Pastor Mike Novotny
Thanks to Alex here, and Pastor Bill on the videos.
I'm not sure if you know this, they were winging all of these scripts. So, Alex says he got tricked into filming those videos so if our video team ever ask you to do something be prepared. Yeah, so sometimes you're here for week number two of our most honest Christians, a series about the blessing, on the other side of awkward, but honest conversations. So, a few months ago, I had a chance to reach out to the pastors on our staff and the Christian School, teachers on our staff and all the members of our staff with this question. If you have to give yourself a letter grade, when it comes to confrontation,
That comes the saying something, when something needs to be said, but saying that in a Christian way, a loving way, Jesus way, if you had a grade yourself on that, What grade you think you get?
And I was curious, when these people who are far from being brand new in their Christian faith. People who in many of their cases had read the Bible from cover to cover had been following Jesus not for months or years. Many of them decades, what they would say, And here's what they said. C+. What member of our staff said explaining how her heart just wasn't wired for confrontations. He loves it when people get along. It's just cringes when there's tension in the room C plus was her grade, which was better than D Plus. I run from confrontation. This person left the caps lock on when they take the word, run D, plus another guy agreed. He said he's pretty good at speaking. The truth. But I think he said I speak it from my soapbox from a super judgmental position. I think the best grade I saw was a be an experience Christian woman, who said with more practice and a few tools, it does get easier. And I've also found that when confrontation is done, well, the end result is peace and improved relationships for everyone involved. Pastors of our churches and Teachers of our school Christian staff members. The average grade did not make them the valedictorians of Confrontation University. They miss the honor roll. They knew it.
I thought you said a grade yourself on having hard conversations with people that you care about. Speaking up, when you need to speak up, but speaking in a Jesus uniquely Christian way. That's humble and approachable and gentle and kind and full of compassion, if you degrade yourself on that, what grade you think you'd get?
Now that sure when I see the phrase, confronting someone who needs to be confronted, if certain situation pops into your head. Maybe that person in your family who's just so short fused. Right. Blows up about every little thing. Traffic, starts a fight. Politicians, start a fight, every little thing just blows up. Just a pattern of behavior is not apologizing. Ford, he's not owning it. There's someone like that in your life. Have you said something?
Or your granddaughter, who was raised in the church, was raised with Jesus who still says that she's a follower of Jesus and you, you see her social media and it just makes you wonder. She loves Jesus. Why does she keep liking the things that Jesus does not like and that he definitely does not love? Get something like that in your family. Have you said something?
This one of your buddies. Who's just not not nice to his wife. Just the tone that he uses the way he speaks about her when she's not around or sometimes to her when she is around. This is nothing like the way Jesus speaks to his church. If you have a friend like that, or she thinks she doesn't need to show respect her husband because he's not the greatest guy in the world. Have you ever said something?
There's someone that you love. That's had one drink too many, way too many times.
It's a pattern of an unhealthy, sinful relationship with alcohol. Have said something if your son or your brother, or your best friend, who says, he or she is all about Jesus but now they've moved in with their significant other and the most think marriage is just a piece of paper, instead of an institution that God invented that it's their body and their sexuality, that all these rules are just a mom and dad thing instead of a father, Son, and Holy Spirit thing.
Have you said something?
If you have a cousin who speaks about different ethnic groups, in a way that breaks the heart of the God, who loves the world. God, whose very Heaven is filled with people from All Nations and tribes. Have you said something? If your pastor is not much like Jesus,
If you sense something in me, that is far from the biblical standards of how a man of God should lead the Church of God. Have you said something? Or someone, you know, it's just their default setting is to criticize and complain and nothing's ever good enough in this perfectionistic Spirit, just like drags down. Everyone in the room, everyone's sins, right? When you see patterns of sinful behavior that people don't seem to either see in themselves or care about in themselves. My question for you is, have you said something
I have a hunch that you're a lot like us.
An almost honest Christian.
Not a pathological liar. But someone who doesn't tell the whole truth, when it gets uncomfortable. If you take notes at home or your love, I love you to grab a pen and write this down. I have a hunch thats true for lots of us. There is a sinner that you are not confronting.
It's like last week we said, there's probably a sin. So scary to speak out loud. You're not confessing. I bet there is a sinner and you're so scared of that conversation that you're not confronting. Here's maybe a shortcut to know if that's you, there is someone in your life or at our church, or in your family or at your work that you talked about. But you haven't talked to.
If there's someone that, I can't believe they did it again and your girlfriend knows all about it and your best friend knows all about it, and your husband has heard all about it. 100 times you've spoken about that person but never actually spoken to that person. You are an almost honest Christian.
If everyone in the room knows about him or her and what they do, but the person themselves would be shocked that everyone in the room knows. Oarsman talking. You are an almost honest Christian.
And you don't have to explain to me why?
People Are People. There's no guarantees that when you point out someone's flaws or what they need to change their going to love you for it. Jesus did that with the Pharisees. You know what they did, they murdered him. The Prophet Jeremiah did that with the Old Testament, people of Israel? Do you know what they did? They threw him in a well to starve him. The prophet Isaiah in the Old Testament, did that with an ancient king of Judah? Do you know what he did? He sawed his body into two pieces. John the Baptist confronted an ancient king of his day that he could not commit an adulterous relationship. You know how the king thanked him for his kindness. Chopped off his head. So if you're scared to have a hard conversation, I think you have some valid reasons why sometimes people lash out, sometimes they turn the tables on you sometimes they burn Bridges and run in the other direction. Not everyone, thanks you for loving them enough to speak the truth. And I think that's why a lot of us, don't.
Instead, we talk about that person, maybe we even pray about that person. We hope that someone some how in some miraculous way the light bulb will go on, they'll change their behavior, they'll see the destructive path. They're on away from Jesus. We hope but we don't speak.
And I think, you know, like I do, that's not good.
I think you realize, if you give the 5 Seconds of thought that unconfronted sins are a lot like cancer, They don't get better by themselves.
No one wants to go through the chemo of really hard conversations. But if we don't, That little bit of sin starts to spread and hurts a lot of people.
Your sister, your best friend. You Can Tell She's drifting from Jesus, his word, his people, his book, his values. This conversation will be hard, but if you don't have it, It won't get better. It will get worse.
Some of you have had terrible experiences in the church because the pastor was a bully. Or the pastor was abusive or there were red flags about the pastor's relationship with the church offerings but no one wanted to confront the pastor. And so what happened? Did he get better? No more, people got hurt. See they got much worse and so we hate confrontational conversations. We just want everything to be happy and fun. But if we don't have those conversations real people, that God really loves gets really hurt. That's why today, even though this is going to be heavy message, I'm glad that you're here. I hope that today God nudges. You more likely shoves you into a really vital conversation that we all need to have?
So today I'm going to give you a Biblical crash course, on how to confront people the way that Jesus would confront people. When I try to teach you what the Old Testament prophets and the New Testament Apostles and Jesus Christ himself embraced and to do that. I'm going to cover three things. I'm not gonna have enough time to do it, but I'll give you my best crack. I want to talk about who should be the one to confront. Hints, not everyone. Whom are the people that we should confront. Hint. Not everyone. Funny, how should you confront people? It's very carefully. Biblical confrontation, who whom and how Aren't you glad you came to church today? Alright, question. Number one. Who should confront? According To Jesus in maybe one of the most misunderstood sections of his entire teaching. His answer to that question was this: repentant Christians.?
Some people make the mistake of thinking, what Tupac Shakur thoughts?
I was in high school in the 90s as a hip-hop fan. So I need some of your Tupac song in the lobby. I could probably rap it to you, but I won't Tupac. What he had I try to remember, where the tattoo was, was it here on as back? That's it. Only God, can judge.
Says, right on the gods, perfect. Only God knows the whole story. Only God should judge. I mean, who are you? And who am I, with all of our flaws and all of our failures to look at another human being and criticize their flaws and failures. That's why a lot of people may be, the only Bible passage, they know. Is when Jesus said do not judge Matthew Chapter 7, But the sun exactly what Jesus said. Let me show you the context of Matthew chapter 7. Where Jesus says, some people should not judge, but there are other people who absolutely should. So, Matthew 7 starting with verse 3. Jesus taught this. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Verse 4. How can you say to your brother? Let me take the speck out of your eye. When all the time, there is a plank in your own eye. You Hypocrites first. Take the plank out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck. From your brother's eye. So Jesus is saying, if you're not willing to take the thing out of your eye, if you're not willing to address the sin that's happening in your heart, then absolutely. You are not the right person to judge. If there is some double standard where, you know, this book applies to you but not to me. It's really wrong if you do it, but it's kind of understandable if I do it. Then, Jesus is a hypocrite. That's a double standard. People are going to laugh at the Bible, if that's how you teach it. Don't judge. If that's you, right? This is like the couple who's fighting and he's like, you're just trying to get what you want.
While he's trying to get what he wants. It's when the dad who says, everyone stop yelling. Yeah. First, first you and then them. Did you catch Jesus's language there in verse 5? He says, first, take the plank out of your eye which means first deal with your own sin, And then leave it to God. Then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. This God wants you to care about the spec, the sin in someone else's life, he's just answer is yes. Yes, you should. This God wants you to speak up about that thing to be part of the process of removing it to bleed them to repentance? Yes, if you're not willing to deal with your own sin, then don't say a word. But if you take this book, seriously, then you absolutely have the right.
What, which is logical. I mean, if you think only God can judge only God can say anything about anyone's Behavior. Just think that out for a second.
Parents. If you're raised in like two sons one son bam smacks the other one in the face, if he said, well, who am I to say something? I mean I'm not a perfect man right? If you're the police officer someone's like smoking meth behind the wheel while texting on two separate phones? You say hey I have issues too. But no. We know, right? Some Behavior has to be addressed even by imperfect people and Jesus taught that spiritually too. If you take your sin seriously then you can take their sin seriously, to, if you have repented for your wrongs, then you have every right to grab the same book that brought you were to repentance and apply it to them. It's actually helpful. Let's say you have a hard conversation and someone throws it back in your face. All like you should talk. Oh, like you're so perfect. Here's the perfect answer. You're right? I'm not perfect. But I am repentance.
And you.
You're absolutely right. I did the exact same thing that you're doing but by the grace of God, you know what I did next. I repented. Will you? You're right? This scene is part of my story too, but I'm I'm trying with God's help to never do it again.
And you.
You and I have imitated copied each other's sins. Now will you copy my repentance?
Who has the right to confront everyone in this room who takes this book seriously and repents of their sin.
Which brings us to question number 2. Cool.
I'm so you can friends.
Well, the fact is people sin everyday.
If you had to literally confront everyone who wasn't prioritizing God in their schedule, their life in their budget. If you had to confront everyone who used the name, God or Jesus, or Christ, in an unbiblical way. If you had to confront everyone, you know, who is out of the habit of going to church or who dishonors the governing authorities, who doesn't embrace the Bible sexual ethic, or isn't content with the money that God has given them who laughs at things. They shouldn't laugh at and gossips behind people's backs and isn't content that God has blessed them with salvation. Ation and Jesus said you had to confront everyone in that situation.
You would need to clone yourself first. Quit your job. I never sleep.
And maybe that's why the Bible says that isn't your job. Who should you, whom should you confront right on the answer to that question? According to the Scriptures, you should confront Christians who don't seem repentant.
Both those parts are really important. God does not call you to confront non-christians for not behaving like Christians. Of course. Your job is to confront people who claim to be followers of Jesus, who claim to love the God of the Bible. And yet as best as you can tell, they don't seem to repent of the things that they do. I'm not talking about a non-Christian nor am I talking about a Christian who messes up and apologizes. Who sins and owns it obviously God's doing a work in their heart. The people you should be most concerned about are those who claim to follow Jesus and yet you look at their life and it seems like they have no desire to follow Jesus. They confess I'm a Christian and yet it's when you look at their life they don't seem to love the things that Jesus Christ. Love. Those are the people you should confront. Jesus himself said it. Matthew chapter, 18 is a long, great section on biblical confrontation, he says, if your brother or sister sins, go and point out their faults, There it is, huh? You go. Don't leave it to God. And if who sins your brother or your sister.
It's not your biological family, he's talking about your brother or sister in the family of God, someone calls God their father. But he’s living in Rebellion to the father's rules, your job is to go and point out their sin. Jesus, did you catch? It said the same thing in Matthew chapter 7. He said first, take the plank out of your eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. There are times when we have to speak out about the Injustice in this world or confront, someone who's hurting another person, no matter what they believe about. Jesus, but in general, the Biblical teaching, is that the world is going to do what the world's going to do. But Christians should focus their attention inward. Do you think American Christians need to hear this right now? I do.
Can you believe the Grammys? Well what the world is embracing, these are the end times. Come on. It's non-christians be non-christians. I would like someone follow the Bible. If they don't believe the Bible, can you believe he talks like that? I'd appreciate it if you didn't use the name of my savior, like, the most beautiful, you don't believe Jesus. Is your savior. Why would you love his name? Right? Our concern is not with non-christians acting like they actually are. Is that our concern for your brother or sister doesn't seem to be all that concerned. Now there's a little bit of an art and not a science to this. You might notice I had you write down Christians who don't seem repentant. Your problem is you don't have a pair of Jesus glasses, that let you see into someone's heart, are they sorry, you're not. So maybe here's a bit of advice on the Bible. I made it up so if you don't like it, that's fine. Here's my advice. Three strikes. And then you're called out.
Not if I see you doing something if you see me doing something, let's say the way I talk about my wife, Kim just doesn't, it's not loving or good. And you notice, but you give me a little bit of time. You don't like, put me on blast. Give me some time to say, hey, you know what I said, wasn't cool, but I don't say that strike one. And, later, you notice me doing the same thing like who is this a pattern of behavior for him. Give me a little bit of space to own it, to apologize, to repent, but I don't. Strike two. The third time comes. You've probably seen someone who doesn't see the seriousness of their own sin three strikes and it's time to get called out. So no approach them with plenty of evidence. Now and say, hey, I remember when you said and they said it again and then you said it again, and I can't see her. Heart doesn't seem like that's a big deal to you. Is it?
If they were parents, it's to give him forgiveness and Jesus. And if they don't You think they're saying as seriously as they should?
So what have we learned so far? Who should confront people? Repentant Christians. Whom should repentant Christians confront, they should confront those who don't seem repentance. Which brings us to question number three. I want to do those first two kinds of quickly because this really is your question, isn't it? How do you do it? Okay, Jesus. I see what you're saying. It is my job and I can think of someone who says they're Christian, but they're just not following the path of Jesus. But how do I do this?
I know a family from our church that said pastor, how do we, how do we confront this member of our family and still see our grandkids at the end of the day?
We've been friends for a long time and if I say something is the Friendship going to? How do I do this in a way that the relationship is going to make it? Hopefully I will be stronger after the conversation is over?
Well, can I be more than almost honest with you? That's not your business.
Someone's reaction to the truth. Is not your business.
If you're only going to say the right thing, if people respond in the right way, I honestly don't know how you can follow Jesus.
If you know the Bible, do you think Jesus got up to preach and looked around at the people and say, Jesus just remember they have to, like you .
We spoke. What was from God? He spoke. What was true and like him or hate him, applaud him or put him on a cross. He would speak what was in their spiritual best interest. And that's so important for you. Some of you live in the fear of people's reactions. And that is the idol of people. Pleasing, you've taken a good thing like your friendship or your relationship with that person. And you made it like the ultimate thing, but God thing, but you can't lose And that's a bad thing. There are times, people will hate it. So they're living in the dark and you're going to turn on the lights. They're going to try to push you out of the room. That's still the privilege. You have to try to save their soul. If you went to your doctor. And he/she said, well I'm not going to tell her this. She's not going to like it. The screen says it's cancer but you're doing great. No, we know that it is in a person's best interest to hear the truth. And so their reaction, if they want to be hard-hearted and stiff-necked and stubborn. If they want to double down on their hatred for the ways of God. That's not your business, that's their business. I pray they react with humility and Grace, and respond to the truth of God. If they don't, that's on them. It's not new. Don't let the blood be on your hands by biting your lip. And not saying what you need to say, Speak the truth. Speaking of love.
Is the best way to do that. I called the Golden Rule of Confrontation.
Write that down is super helpful. For me, the golden rule of Confrontation is how you confront a fellow Christian.
Jesus said in Matthew 7,
What is this five or six verses after what we just read about judgment, he said in everything Do to others what you would have them do to you. In everything. All right, so if the tables were turned, if you had some spiritual blind spot, if you were committing a sin habitually, how would you want someone to confront you? A big bit of homework. If you know, you need to confront a friend or a family member, just make a list of things. Well what things, what I want someone to do. And what things would make it really hard to hear them if they did this to me. If I find out, they had talked to everyone else in the family before, talking to me would make it hard. If you had to get advice from everyone because you don't have the courage to say it to my face, you trash my reputation. Didn't even give me the chance to repent. That would make it very hard. If you pick the wrong time and place and I was embarrassed in public and couldn't process, that would make it hard.
Just like Jesus said, you pointed out my sin just between the two of us. And you had enough love not to talk about it with other people, but you brought it to me first to give me the chance to change. That would make it easier.
If you came with the truth and not just your own opinion but there was an Open Bible on the table and you could read the passage and say Here's why I'm concerned for you. It's not my religion. It's not my church. This is what Jesus said, and I saw you do this once and then twice. And then again and I'm worried for you.
You know what? Help I think more than anything in the Golden Rule. Is love.
And I'm super concerned for our culture because we've come to this spot where we think if we're speaking, what's, right? That's all that matters. If I'm right politically, if I'm right about a social justice issue, if I'm right about Doctrine and the Bible, doesn't matter how I say it. I'm going to drop a bomb on you and then it's on you. No, no, no. The Bible says, if you don't have love.
If your heart isn't broken for the sin of another person,
It's why I'm so grateful for Pastor Glenn.
So after 16 years of being a pastor from still pretty rough around the edges with hard conversations, I was really rough when it was your one of my Ministry. I was like, Chapter verse, you're wrong. Stop it. See you next Sunday, you get the slightly better version of me, but God in his Mercy, he sent me to a church in 2007, where Glenn was the pastor? And Glenn, Tommy. A lot of things in those early years but one thing that just has stuck with me for over a decade was his phrase: “Drip love.”
He told me that as Christians and as pastors we would have to have a lot of hard conversations with people. Sometimes they would avoid us because they wanted to avoid God's truth. But when those conversations came, Glen said do everything you can to drip love. That your love for that person, be so evident that they can. They can see it with the tears in your eyes when your voice cracks, when you're not there to do, what Jesus says to do. But you're so literally concerned for their faith, their future, their eternity said, drip love. If there was a witness who could witness that confrontation, May that witness be able to testify “look how much he loves her. He's trying so hard doing everything he can to win her over.” Drip love.
Friends. This is going to be time. When you have to come with an Open Bible,
When you have to send the email, if they don't want to meet with you face to face, we're going to have to copy and paste. The passage when truth is going to have to be front and center. I'm concerned for you and here's why?
But when you do, Drip Love. Don't balance truth and love. People need to hear so much love to be able to swallow the truth. A call to repentance is like a bitter powder, stick it in the smooth pill of love and compassion for that person.
Do everything you can before, during and after the conversation to let them know. I love you. I love God, I love you. I was scared to speak to you, I'm talking to you because I love you. It would have been easier to just turn a blind eye, but I love you. Say it and say it and say it. So when the devil tries to lead them into temptation that you're some judgmental Church person that can't be true. I love you. And there's so much proof.
And I pray that when they hear that truth, when they see that love they confess,
And then you get to say the most beautiful words in the world.
You know, God loves you. Right.
Yep, you did it. Once you didn't slice, you did three times. You've been doing it for three years? You know, Jesus died for you, right?
Sometimes you got to hit people hard with the law shattered that hard hard forget to stitch them up, put them back together with the gospel of God's forgiveness. Even for stubborn people. Even for proud people. Even for totally lost people. You get to remind them. That just like, you find your hope in the Forgiveness of Jesus. They can too.
So, put all this together and what he got. Who should confront? Every repentant Christian. Whom should be confronted. People who claim to be Christian but don't seem to be repentance. How would you confront them? Led by people-pleasing, but the golden rule of speaking, the truth. And speaking of love,
And if you ask me one last question: Pastor, why? Why would I do that this week? My one word answer would be: peace.
Either they repent respond to God's word and just the Peace of knowing that they're good with Jesus. Or the Peace of Mind of knowing that you had the courage to say what needed to be said. But you weren't a Christian coward. You can sweep it under the rug. But instead just like Jesus, did you speak the truth? And you spoke it in love, that will give you a peace that will help you sleep well at night So, Got someone, you need to talk to you this week.
It's like 15 of you. Email me, I'm going to be concerned but you can if I need to and sooner or later. We all need it. Helping you do that. The same thing happens to you as happened to Sarah and her sister.
In the past year, there was this woman, I'll call her Sarah, who found, one of my sermons about the beauty of Heaven online and she emailed me to tell me exactly how much she hated it.
I think I was trying to answer the question. Is there marriage in heaven? I opened my Bible to Matthew 22, where Jesus said no. It's even better than that because God is there. Well, turns out, Sarah had just lost the love of her life. Her husband had died. She found that video in the midst of her grief and she hated it. In fact, in an exchange of email, she told me. If I don't get to be married to him in Heaven. I don't think I want to go to heaven. And I knew that she was hurting. And I knew that she was grieving. I knew I needed to be patient and give her some space, but I also knew it's a dangerous thing to think. Like God's not good and Heavens, not good. Unless I have this man, and I am married to him. I was trying to figure out if I should say something and how I would say something, how do I follow the golden rule of Confrontation but I didn't have to. Because Sarah's sister spoke up.
Apparently her sister was seeing the same thing up close that I was observing from a distance. And she reached out and confronted her own family member.
A few days after that conversation. Sears name popped up in my email inbox.
That's what she said.
You probably thought you were finished with me?
Don't delete this just yet. My sister just messaged me and asked, are you putting your husband above God?
Sarah said the courage that took. I immediately called my sister back and said, I have I replaced God with my husband. But now I'm back on track. I joined a grief group and reached out to a friend and I thank my sister for her courage. I still have a long road ahead but there is blessing that I'm awaiting for, I'm on the right path and Pastor Mike, may God bless you. Sarah. Maybe during this whole sermon, you've been thinking about what could go wrong. When asked you today, what could go right?
Could someone who's been replacing god with their favorites in? Could you be the one to open their eyes and help them? See, even if the road is long, and the struggle is hard that they can be on the right track, the track that leads to eternal life in the presence of Jesus. Love it, or hate it.
Make a smile. Almost honesty is never a Christians best policy. So, you follow Jesus, who is the way and the truth, and the life. I met his truth bring life to you and those you love.
That's right.
Heavenly Father, help.
We get nervous just thinking about it and maybe the person is not in the room right now and we don't know where or when, or how, or what we'd say or what we'd say next But you're a God, who knows the future and you are the God who can do all things. And so, we're praying. Now, for courage, Sometimes we need strength to resist our own Temptation God, but there's a different Temptation here and we need your strength too. So, actually believe that the truth is always best for people. That letting people take a path that gives them short-term pleasure but leads to long-term pain apart from you. That is never good because that is not love. God help us to finally speak. And when that moment comes, God when all those fears and worries and anxieties, swell up, help us to sense your spirit who speaking through us as we open the word of God. Father, we can all can look back on churches. Even that turned a blind eye to sin.
I'm women and especially men who had positions of leadership and Authority who hurts people? And hid behind the church. Oh God, that is not what we want for this place. We don't want to be a place with great music and nice coffee but where people get hurt and no one does a thing. So God give us courage if it's me, if it's a pastor, if it's the president of the congregation, if it's the biggest giver and donor God, let sin be sin and let it be expelled from Among Us. We want to be a place that is not just full of biblical truth, but a place that is bursting with Biblical love. Can't do without you but with you all things are possible. So we pray for your help today as we prayed all in Jesus name, Amen.