Bonus Episode: "And It's True" RHOBH Moment

Laura pulls apart a viral moment from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Amanda Frances said "and it's true" about out-earning her husband, and it illustrates why the mental reach for truth as justification almost always leaves you stuck with thoughts that aren't actually doing anything for the life you're trying to build.

In this episode:

• Why "and it's true" is one of the most common mental moves we make
• The difference between a thought being true and a thought being useful
• How the same statement can be useful under one intention and completely counterproductive under another
• A look at how producers manufacture polarizing moments, and how different intentions operating on the same statement produce wildly different verdicts
• A quick callback to Episode 1: why utility, not truth, is the filter that actually gets you somewhere

New here? Start with Episode 1: Welcome to the Practice.

What is Useful Thinking | Mindset, Identity & Brain Training?

Useful Thinking is a weekly practice for your mind, hosted by clinical professor and mind coach Laura. Each episode works the fundamentals of how your brain actually operates: your mental patterns, your identity, your limiting beliefs, your subconscious wiring. You'll learn practical tools to direct your attention, filter out the noise, and think with more clarity and power. This is mindset work for people who want science-backed strategies for real personal growth. Think of it as a gym for your mind. Show up weekly and master the one skill that will impact every other area of your life.

Surprise.

We're gonna do a bonus episode.

When I originally mapped out
this podcast, useful thinking,

I had no plans to do these.

It was gonna be typical one episode a
week with a very structured practice that

you can engage with, but I can't help
it because when I see things out in real

life that I think perfectly illustrate
the concepts we're working on here.

I wanna talk about it
extemporaneously off the cuff.

So I think every now and then when I
see something that is such a perfect

metaphor for what we're working on in
this practice, a little nugget of gold.

When that happens, I wanna be able to just
pop on here and pull it apart with you.

Quick off the cuff, same way I do it.

If I were standing.

In front of my grad students lecturing
and something in the popular culture

was going on, and we just have a
natural discussion about it because

it's too good to save for later.

So when these little bonuses drop, know
that it means I saw something out in the

wild that I thought was worth pulling
out of context and examining together.

This is a peak also at how my brain is
working through things in real time.

Okay, so we're gonna
talk about reality tv.

If you.

Watch or are familiar with the
show, the Real Housewives of Beverly

Hills, you know that this season is
wrapping up and the reunion is about

to start, and one of the new cast
members this year is Amanda Francis.

And Amanda has built a very successful
business around manifestation,

specifically with money.

Her audience calls her the money Queen.

She teaches courses on money
and manifesting and building

wealth and maybe other things.

I don't really know.

I'm not super familiar with her, but I
will say what she has built is undeniable.

She's got the receipts to back
up what it is she has created.

So I'll just say upfront, I'm,
I'm completely neutral on her.

I'm not a raving fan and I'm not a critic.

I'm not here to denounce her.

I'm just pulling this moment out.

Because it is a perfect example
of something I want you to be able

to see, which is useful thinking.

So earlier in the season, Amanda was
talking about her husband, Eddie.

She said something that turned into
a whole moment and the producers

are really leaning into it.

I see social media teasing it
for the reunion, and the line was

basically something like this.

She was saying, I'm the breadwinner.

I always have been the breadwinner.

I make more in a month than
he does in an entire year.

So naturally.

People had opinions about this really
strong opinions and on the reunion that

we're all gonna get to see later today,
I guess Andy Cohen asks her about it

and her response goes something like,
yeah, I talked to Eddie about it.

He wasn't really bothered by it.

Maybe he wished I had said it differently,
but it didn't upset him because it's true.

She actually opened it
up with saying it's true.

And he, maybe he wishes I said
it differently, but it's true.

And that's the moment I wanna pull
apart because that phrase, and it's

true, that was her finishing line.

And it's true.

It's one of the most common
mental moves we make.

It's like a shortcut when
we say it's true, what we're

really saying is this thought.

Has passed the truth test.

So any conversation about it is over.

This is a fact.

We treat truth like a rubber stamp
of authority, a permission slip.

If I can back it up with the
facts, I get to keep the thought.

I can say whatever I want
about it because it's true.

And if you have been with
me since episode one.

You know why this matters?

The filter we use here in this world
where we are learning the operating

system of the mind is not, is this true?

It is.

Is this useful?

So we take utility over truth
and most of us are walking around

evaluating our thoughts based on
whether or not they're accurate.

Is this true?

Is this factual?

Can I back it up?

And that filter runs our
entire mental operating system.

And the problem is, like we talked
about in episode one, plenty of

thoughts are 100% true and 100%
factual, yet completely useless for

the life you are trying to build.

True and useful are two
different measurements.

They are two different systems.

And the one that's going to get
you where you wanna go is utility.

Is it useful?

So when Amanda says, and it's true
and it's true, she's absolutely right.

The number that she contributes to
the bank account may be more in a

month than Eddie makes in a year.

And it's verifiable, it's accurate.

And the question I want to examine is
the move or the intention behind it.

What is that truth helping her achieve?

Because, and it's true, is an answer
to the wrong question, in my opinion.

The question that actually matters is.

Is this useful for what
I'm trying to build?

And the answer to that is it depends.

We don't know Amanda's intention.

It depends entirely on her intention,
and we have no access to that.

So let's walk through this
because I think this is where

it can get really interesting.

You can see how the intention
drives different outcomes.

If, for example, Amanda's
intention is to model.

Radical audacity that you can
take up huge financial space and

declare it publicly and still be
in a secure, loving partnership,

then that statement is a bullseye.

It's exactly the kind of thing
that signals to her audience.

I do what other women are afraid to
do and nothing in my life falls apart.

So saying I make more in a month than
he does in a year is hugely useful if

that is what she's trying to build.

Okay?

If her intention is to build a
business teaching women that they

can out earn any man in their life,
then that statement is also useful.

It is a proof of concept
for her entire offer.

If her intention is to reach women
who are stuck in relationships right

now because they have wired themselves
to believe that they could never

support themselves financially.

Women who feel like they have to
stay because they can't leave,

then that statement is going to
stop a woman in her tracks, right?

It's gonna make her go.

Wait.

If she can make more in a month
than he does in a whole year, huh?

Could that actually be possible for me?

If her intention is to reinforce something
in her own self, maybe she wants to

reinforce and remind herself that she
can out earn a man by an exponential

factor, and still be in a partnership
that's loving and mutual, where they're

in it together and he's secure with it.

Then saying that out loud in a public way.

Is useful.

She's programming her own system to
operate that way by declaring it.

If, however, her intention is to
communicate the depth of what Eddie

provides to her in their relationship.

The partnership, the security,
the way he shows up for her, the

way he takes care of her, the way
he stands by her no matter what.

If that is her intention to
communicate to all of us, then this

statement is not useful at all.

'cause it does the opposite.

It pulls the lens away from everything
she would need to say in order to make

that point and puts it just on the money.

So that very same statement with
five different intentions, you know,

and five different interpretations
on whether or not it's useful.

Utility itself is the relationship
between a statement and what

you want to accomplish with it.

You cannot evaluate whether a
thought is useful without knowing

what you're trying to build.

Now we gotta look at the
layer behind this as well.

The producers of the show
have their own intention.

Clearly their intention is engagement,
polarization, having a viral moment,

and that's the reason this specific clip
is the one being teased on social media

right now because they knew exactly
what they had the moment she said it.

A statement like this splits the room.

There's gonna be a lot of people who
cheer her on and go way to go, girl.

And there's gonna be a lot of
people who recoil from that and

go, oh, she's an awful partner
to say that about her husband.

The split and the division that
that statement creates is the

product that the show is selling.

That's what drives the ratings.

So you've got at least three different
intentions, all operating on the

same statement at the same time.

You've got Amanda's, which
we can only guess at.

You have the producers, which is
clearly to manufacture a moment,

and we've got the audience.

Each person out there watching
this, they're running the statement

through their own personal filter.

Coming out of it with their own verdict
about what this means about Amanda and

what kind of person she is and what
kind of marriage she has, all of it.

Every one of those evaluations or
judgements is a downstream of a

different intention, which is why the
public reaction is all over the map.

Everyone is asking a different
version of the question.

I don't think anyone is asking the one
that actually teaches you something,

which is, what is this statement trying
to accomplish and does it support that?

What is it that Amanda is actively
trying to build right now?

What am I trying to believe about myself
and does that statement support that?

And so that's all I wanted
to share with you today.

If you catch yourself sometime this
week saying, and it's true, but it's

true, or, well, it's actually true,
just take note of that and check if that

phrase is covering for something else.

So, end of story.

Okay.

And don't judge me for
watching reality tv.

My husband Mike, and I
use it as a learning lab.

Honestly, it probably takes us an
hour and a half to get through an

episode because we pause at least 10
times a show so he can break down.

He loves breaking down the human
dynamics of drama and we like

to each give our take on things.

So in our house, reality TV counts
as professional development.

Right.

Okay.

I'll be back next week with
our regular programming.