Lion Counseling Podcast

🎙️ Episode 61: From Anxiety to Alignment — How to Stop Grinding and Start Receiving (with Jerrid Sebesta)

What if your success is being fueled by anxiety… and it’s costing you peace?
In this powerful Lion Legacy Conversation, Mark Odland and Zack Carter sit down with speaker, author, and coach Jerrid Sebesta to unpack a radically different way of living—one that moves beyond grinding, pressure, and fear… into alignment, faith, and receiving.
Jerrid shares his deeply personal story—from growing up in chaos and becoming a high achiever driven by anxiety… to a complete internal shift that changed how he approaches success, faith, and life itself. His journey includes devastating loss, identity theft, burnout, and breakthrough moments that reveal a powerful truth:

Your life may be more “choreographed” than you think.

✅ In this episode, you’ll learn:
✅ Why anxiety can drive success—but quietly destroy your peace
✅ The hidden cost of “grinding” your way to achievement
✅ What it means to live in alignment instead of fear, lack, and scarcity
✅ How to shift from control → surrender → receiving
✅ The difference between reacting to life vs. being positioned for it
✅ Why your hardest moments may actually be your greatest opportunities
✅ A powerful perspective on trauma, loss, and God’s purpose in suffering
✅ How to develop a mindset of wholeness, gratitude, and trust
✅ What high performers are doing differently at the internal level

📘 Get Mark's Free Book
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📚 Explore Books & Resources
👉 https://escapethecagenow.com/books/

📞 Book a Clarity Call
👉 https://escapethecagenow.com/call/

💬 Comment below:
What’s one area of your life where you’ve been operating from fear or pressure—and what would it look like to shift into trust and alignment?

Click here to watch a video of this episode.’
About the Lion Counseling Podcast
The Lion Counseling Podcast is designed for high-achieving men who want to break free from destructive patterns, strengthen their mindset, and live with clarity, purpose, and conviction. Blending psychology, faith, and real-world application, each episode equips you with tools to lead yourself, your family, and your life with strength.

Creators and Guests

Host
Mark Odland
Founder of Lion Counseling, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified EMDR Therapist
Host
Zack Carter
Zack Carter is a Counselor and Coach with Lion Counseling LLC.

What is Lion Counseling Podcast?

The Lion Counseling Podcast helps men escape the cages that hold them back and become the Lions they were created to be. It exists to help men obtain success, purpose, happiness, and peace in their career and personal lives. The podcast is hosted by the founder of Lion Counseling, Mark Odland (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified EMDR Therapist), and Zack Carter (Counselor and Coach with Lion Counseling). In their podcasts, they address a variety of topics relevant to men, including: mental health, relationships, masculinity, faith, success, business, and self-improvement.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Let me just share really, really quickly. Yeah. I launched my I launched my I I fired myself from my financial job less than two years ago. I there was no backup plan, guys. I was the backup plan.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I was 45, four kids, and, like, I'm I'm set to launch a book on 11/19/2024. So, like, that entire fall, it's, like, just get to November 19, try to hang on financially because once I launch this book, it's all going to that's gonna be the inflection point where I can now have a sustainable business. November 19 comes. I launch my book. It's an Amazon bestseller.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I do a book launch party. I do a livestream. I do a huge celebration. I create this tsunami of energy. It did exactly what it was supposed to do.

Jerrid Sebesta:

My email starts clicking. My phone is ringing. People are like, dude, you are crushing it. Two weeks to the day later, I got my identity stolen. It went from a Facebook hack to they had my ID by 10AM.

Jerrid Sebesta:

They had they were my passwords were getting changed in my social media accounts without me doing it. Dang. Money started leaving my accounts by four. From four until eleven, my wife and I were on the phone trying to stop thieves pulling money on my accounts, spending on my cards. By 11:00 that night, this was the worst day of my life, guys.

Jerrid Sebesta:

By 11:00 that night, my credit was frozen. I was on a national fraud list. I was out tens of thousands of dollars. I had no social media. I could barely even get onto my computer.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And my phone had thousands of text messages. Fraud alert. Fraud alert. Is this you? Is this you?

Jerrid Sebesta:

Is this you? And it was terrifying. Yeah. At one point, I was on the floor curled up like a in the fetal position of the bathroom, howling, not screaming, howling, dry heaving on the floor. My children were terrified.

Jerrid Sebesta:

They were out running outside because they're, I'm six'six by the way, their big dad was howling. I didn't sleep that night as you can imagine And I called my friend Craig the next morning, he lives in New York City at 4AM. I texted him, it's 5AM East Coast time. Said, Craig, if you got thirty seconds, call me. He calls me.

Jerrid Sebesta:

This was so traumatic. I remember the conversation literally word for word. I answer the phone, and without hesitation, he goes, Jared, this is gonna be the best thing that ever happens to you. He goes, we will laugh about this one day, not today, not tomorrow, not next week. But he goes, the fact that you launched your book two weeks ago and that this got dropped into your movie is I just wanna let you know, buckle up.

Mark Odland:

Alright. Welcome everyone to the Lion Counseling Podcast. I'm Mark Odland, licensed marriage and family therapist, certified EMDR therapist, and joined by Zack Carter, counselor and coach. Today we have the privilege of, having on our podcast a great guest, Jared Sebesta. He has an incredible story to share and I think practical wisdom and insights that will really resonate with our listeners today.

Mark Odland:

So for those who haven't haven't heard of you, read your book, seen your stuff yet, Share a little bit about who you are now, and then maybe we could go back to where Yeah. It

Jerrid Sebesta:

No. I love it. Thanks for having me on the show here today. I'm excited. I I'm I'm finding a, a fascination, a deeper fascination with work that you guys do, especially in the like, where is the counseling and personal development faith?

Jerrid Sebesta:

Where do these all overlap? And I'm finding I think that the world is more open to that that overlap than ever before. You know what I mean? Like, I've been I've been a Christian. I'm using air quotes.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I've been a reborn Christian. I don't know what your definition is that. I I we could all agree on on on that. But I've been a Christian for twenty five years, and it seems like the the Christian camp and, like, the personal development camp, they were separate. You know?

Jerrid Sebesta:

It was like, you're Tony Robbins. I'm working on me. Right? Then you got the faith. You know?

Jerrid Sebesta:

It's like, it's all about God. And now now you're starting to see this fusion happen, in my opinion, in the last recent years. And so, this is gonna be a great conversation. We'll talk about faith, but we're also gonna talk about life and success. There's nothing wrong with any of those things.

Jerrid Sebesta:

It's not one or the other. It's all encompassing and, right? So I love this. I love what you guys are talking about here today. So yeah, I do this full time when I say this, you know, speak, teach, coach.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I've written a book called Life Undeferred two years ago. Most of my time is spent having conversations with high achievers, professionals, out speaking, doing seminars, doing keynotes, but it's all about like, how do you unlock the next level?

Mark Odland:

Sure.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Like, is is it possible? I love opening with this question to bend our future, you know, in our favor. And I'm not talking about like genie in a bottle stuff, but like really the art of receiving. I think if you get down to it, my message is really the, it's a message of the soul. How do we connect our soul with what it desires and thus give us an opportunity to receive something more?

Jerrid Sebesta:

I hung my hat on the wall of grind and stress and pressure. I grew up in a in a single home, we'll, you know, we'll probably touch on this a little bit more, but a broken home. My my, my mom was struggled fiercely with anxiety, depression, low self esteem. I became kind of the, the emotional barometer in my home starting at eight, eight years old. I, my, one of my most frequent memories was her crying.

Jerrid Sebesta:

She cried a lot. Her baseline, you know, was like a one out of a 10, you know? And my little pep talks at eight, nine, 10 years old could get her up to a two or a three for maybe a day or two, and then it was right back down. And even growing up, you know, through, through my adulthood, she passed away last year, which was an incredible experience. But all the way up until last year, I was always her person.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And so, that was a difficult role, every time my phone rang, which my phone rang a lot over the years, I knew there was another problem to solve on the other end of that phone. And so I had almost trained my body and my nervous system to be optimized to always trying to figure out another problem. I then became a Christian in my twenties, but I never I never looked upon as God. My wife pointed this out to me about a year ago, and it made a lot of sense. Whenever there was a problem, my first go to wasn't prayer.

Jerrid Sebesta:

It wasn't to surrender it. Not because I didn't believe he didn't love me or anything like that. It was because my my earthly father was three states away when I was a kid. My my earthly father is a great guy, and I have a great relationship with him today, and he's still one of my biggest fans. Right?

Jerrid Sebesta:

But he wasn't he wasn't my go to. You know what I mean? And so God was never my go to. And so surrender was never this piece of the puzzle. So I always relied it on my own efforts.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And then up until a couple years ago, I realized and by the way, that works to a certain point. Grinding works. Hard work works. You know, just sheer masculine energy determination works. But there's another way.

Jerrid Sebesta:

There's a better way that involves what we would call in the personal development world flow. There's alignment. There's connection where there's this beautiful connection between I'm doing, but I'm also receiving. In the relationship between us and God, he's the creator. He's the giver.

Jerrid Sebesta:

We're the receiver. And so, I mean, if I had to sum up my own message now, it's really teaching people how to receive. And when they can open themselves to receive, they find a deeper connection, their work becomes more impactful, and they become connected to the source. And it's this magical light bulb that people wake up to. And I'll just share a quick story with you.

Jerrid Sebesta:

When I travel and do seminars and stuff, I will oftentimes ask people like, describe your life in the most optimal state. I had a conversation yesterday with a gentleman, and he's a business owner, he's 60, divorced. His business is not going well. He has a lot of money problems. Let me use air quotes as problems because I don't think we have a lot I don't think we have problems.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I think we have things that we need to correct. And the problems are just they're the I don't wanna say they're an illusion, but they are they're just an indicator of something out of alignment, so to speak. They had a lot of problems. And I said, I wanna just challenge you. Go there in your life.

Jerrid Sebesta:

What if what if you didn't have the money problem? What if your taxes were paid? What if your business was zinging? You had the right people. You could do the things you wanted to do.

Jerrid Sebesta:

You could get remarried. You could try. And before I could even finish painting the picture, he's like, oh, he's like, already his stress level started to go down. Like, his nervous system started to, like, cool off just a little bit. And I said and then this is the magic question.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I said, how does it feel? He goes, I feel calm already. I'd feel at peace. I'd feel connected. I'd feel happy.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I'd feel alive. And no matter where I go, guys, anywhere I go, no matter who I'm talking to, when I walk people through this exercise, this is I get the same answers to these questions. And I said, this is the cry of the human soul. The cry of the human soul is to be connected, to be to to to to be connected to something, beyond itself, be connected to its creator, be connected to God, and more an expansion and growth. That's what our cry is.

Jerrid Sebesta:

But yet our bodies and our lives are optimized as something lesser. And what I've realized very, very quickly is that I was optimized to what I was normalized, what felt safe, what was normal to me. And so, again, I'm I'm kinda all over the place here, but I really feel the biggest distinction between where I was then and where I am now is I understand that this this internal game, it really is an internal game that we're playing. And if I can adjust my mind, my thoughts, my actions, and more so even my emotions, it opens the door and allows my subconscious to understand it is safe to receive something bigger. And when I can get into that state and as I press into it, the the the more opportunities show up and the more powerful my work is, the more alive I feel and the more peace that I have.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Who'd have thought? Who'd have thought? Right? So I I spitballed there quite a a lot at you. Any questions or comments?

Zack Carter:

So Yeah. Mark, can I yeah? So Go for it. Something that's in something that's interesting that I'm I'm seeing, Jared, is that, like, you talk about starting your life off, and the most important thing to you at the time was encouraging your mom. And you've talked about aligning your values.

Zack Carter:

And I know you've worked as a meteorologist and I think investment or some kind of banking like that.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Worked in the financial world

Zack Carter:

for Yeah. Few as you were successful in both, but you still didn't feel like you were aligned. Then you do this thing that goes back to when you were a kid where you're like, I love

Jerrid Sebesta:

Beautifully said.

Zack Carter:

Just loving on people and encouraging them.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And what's and and so the the the takeaway there and I totally agree with you, and I and I I commend you for seeing that already in our little ten minute conversation so far. Yes. There was a lot of ill feelings and, what's the word? There's a lot of darkness. You know, before that, was healed from a lot of those things.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And I remember for so many years and I was you're right. I was a TV weatherman. You know, see I come off of, a pretty happy guy on this on this podcast, and I I always have. But right below the surface was a lot of anger. And as you probably know, anger is just a it's kind of the facade emotion of a lot of deep hurt.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And there, that was right below the surface all the time. Right below the surface was a lot of anger and a lot of hurt. And I remember, not too long ago, I would go through my hometown. I would drive through my hometown where I was raised and there was this heaviness that I would literally experience on my body. And over the course of the last couple of years, as I started to awaken to a lot of the things we're talking about, and eventually my mom passing away last year was actually was just such an amazing thing.

Jerrid Sebesta:

God opened up a door for her to come to my hometown at a memory care facility. So I got a chance to spend more time with her in the last nine months of her life than I had probably in the last twenty five years. And I was doing the same things as you said, Zach. The same things those final days leading up to her passing where I was just telling her the truth. I think that that's why I was her person because she knew she knew that I always had the truth for her, and it gave her it gave her ease to her soul, albeit momentarily, but it gave her ease to her soul.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And through that experience, that's where I found the healing. And again, I'm gonna fast forward here. The night that she passed, my wife actually asked me, she goes, how do you feel? And I said, I feel so empowered, which was weird because I had just been with my mom, which anytime that you have ever, ever lose a parent, regardless of your relationship with your parent, when you lose a parent, it's a it's a it's a it's a very powerful experience. And I was literally right next to her when she took her last breath.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And albeit sad and broken heart and all of those things, at at the at the same time, I felt like God was elevating me into a new level. And so I actually I actually lied. I said two things. I said, I go out. I feel so honored.

Jerrid Sebesta:

That's a big one. I felt honored that I had this sacred role as this person in her life, but I also felt like God is now inviting me to another level. And the healing happened at the same time. You know what I mean? Like all of the sometimes it's like, well, first I've gotta figure out my issues and get healed.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And then I've gotta take some steps over there. And then I do this. And what I'm finding in my life and other people's lives, the healing and the elevation and the alignment all kind of happens as one. And the healing almost comes as a result of the alignment. So you guys know more than I do on this topic, but that was what I experienced going through those, going through those, kind of full circle moments of being that person for my mom and then eventually walking through her literally to the end of her life last year.

Mark Odland:

Zach, do you have any follow ups on that? So why So you Yeah.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Go ahead.

Zack Carter:

Oh, go ahead. Yeah. So you said, you know, anger was under the surface for you in your life. And, you know, by the world standards, you've had a lot of success. You said usually anger is sitting on top of something else and, you know, like, you're right.

Zack Carter:

We call that a secondary emotion. Usually, there's something underneath. And from from what what little I know of you, there was a lot of anxiety, correct, In your life? Okay. Yes.

Zack Carter:

Oftentimes people say anxiety is a bad thing. But was anxiety also a component in your success?

Jerrid Sebesta:

I'm laughing because you're nailing it. Again, I give you a lot of credit on your ability to see through that. Yes. In fact, as I have been able to understand and level off my nervous system, so we're not just in fight or flight all the time. But yes, I look back, the success that I had in my careers was really a coping mechanism to anxiety.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Now, I was commended for that because it looks a lot like grit and resilience and there's been books and conferences on grit and resilience, But I could look back and be like, it was really a running away. You guys know this, fight, flight or fawn, or whatever words you want to use. I was always a flight guy. It was always flight. So for me to stand out, because again, I had my mom who was, we were raising a trailer home, and God bless her.

Jerrid Sebesta:

She worked two or three minimum wage jobs to support me. You know? And while I was her I was kind of parenting her. She was a great mom. Do not get me wrong.

Jerrid Sebesta:

She was a phenomenal mom. She loved me with all of her heart, but she just had a hole in her heart. She just didn't have a full toolkit. You know? And so I could always I always see through that.

Jerrid Sebesta:

So I have no ill feelings and my mom did the best she possibly could with the toolkit that she had. But again, her anxiety was so there was mental illness there from the very beginning. And then on top of that, my older brother was an alcoholic since I was a kid. And so, and they had a very, very codependent relationship. And so their moods always, always affected each other.

Jerrid Sebesta:

So there I was, you know, the baby of the family and all of that emotional baggage got laid into my lap. So it was just uncertain. My ang my nervous system never felt safe. In fact, I can look back now and say, I would spend a lot of time at a know, again, we had a high school girlfriend. You know?

Jerrid Sebesta:

And so, like, my high school girlfriend, I I spent so much time at her home because I'd go over there and it was like, you know? And then I would go home and I'd hear the garage door open because my stepdad was home. Then immediately, like, you just never felt safe. Right?

Zack Carter:

Yeah.

Jerrid Sebesta:

You never never knew what you're gonna get. I always said that with my mom, loved her to tears, but you walk in and you could have happy go lucky mom, or it was like down in the dumps or angry, irritated, or could waffle to any of these levels like that. Right? So there was the in in in families like that, from what I understand, especially in alcoholic families, there's always kind of the standout. There's this there's this anomaly.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Right? That was me. Played college basketball, you know, went into TV, you know, had two ten long plus careers. But then I got to the point about four years ago, it was when I was 43 where I was like, I can't do this anymore. Yeah.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Like, I can't do this. And that that was an inflection point when I made a decision. It's in the first chapter of my book where I said, I've gotta figure out a different way because I'm seeing people. I'm watching people online, and 99% are talking about the same old stuff. This was, like, post COVID.

Jerrid Sebesta:

So everybody was still talking about masks and all the things that we talked about back then. But there was, like, these there was, like, these few that were talking about growth, expansion opportunities. And I'm like, whatever they're doing, I've gotta figure out. And that was the first play over the next couple of years to get me here today. And looking back, what a godsend it was to get to that point, and the right people came into my movie.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And I've been able to kinda understand unfinished here, by the way, but understanding this inner game to not just make more money. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about inner peace, connectedness, living a life where our soul is able to connect with our creator, and we find this beautiful mix of living in this world but not of this world. You know? Yeah.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Again, surrender to all outcomes, but wanting and desiring more, Believing that the world is mine, but yet understanding I'm fully whole today, so it doesn't matter if I get it or not. I could just live in this moment fully connected to my creator. Wow. It has taken all of these moments to get to this point.

Mark Odland:

That's that's so cool, Jared. I mean, it's striking to me, and this ties in with what Zach was kind of curious about with the anxiety. Right? Is that if you had to sum it up in one word, it sounds like a lot of what you're sharing with people is is about connection. Connection.

Mark Odland:

Yep. And it strikes me that a lot of successful guys find success ironically through disc disconnection. Anxiety is fuel. Right? Anxiety is fuel, but disconnecting from my trauma, disconnecting from my emotions, disconnecting from other people so I can keep working harder

Jerrid Sebesta:

Mhmm.

Mark Odland:

That actually keeps things moving along. But again, is it a life of peace? Is it a life of

Jerrid Sebesta:

And this is where I love to ask you guys. You know, here I'm gonna I'm gonna interview you guys. Bring it. Like, is the balance? Is there a such thing as healthy anxiety?

Jerrid Sebesta:

I was asked on a podcast recently, like, what's up with fear? Like, you know, fear is so bad. Why do we avoid it? And I, I, I described it as a counteracting force. I feel that we almost need it.

Jerrid Sebesta:

It's almost like our soul desires the contraction because when the disconnect or the discontentment or whatever word we wanna use, I don't want to get into a word battle here, but when we feel that lack, it's it's almost as if we desire that because that's what allows us to then go reconnect. Right? But then acting from a place of fear, lack, and scarcity, and anxiety, that's not good either. But yet having having it in the right perspective is where I put it. I don't believe that fear goes away.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I hear a lot of Christians say, well, you gotta you gotta pray that fear away. You know, you let God take that fear away. And I'm and I just with all due respect, I'm like, I don't know. I mean I I mean, do you think that they do you think that David wasn't a little bit afraid when he when he when he faced Goliath? If he wasn't a little bit afraid, I'd call him a psychopath.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Now there's a difference between Yeah. Between rising above your fear. Now when I feel the fear, I almost get excited because now this is an opportunity for me to level up my inner game, not to pray it away or to make it disappear, but to rise above it, not to succumb to it. I lived succumbing to my fear and anxiety forever. Now when I feel it, I just rise above it and it actually creates a portal to push me higher.

Jerrid Sebesta:

How do you guys describe that?

Mark Odland:

This is so interesting you say that Jared, because I'm I'm tracking with you, and I and I think we're on the same page. It reminds me of a podcast we just recorded, and and Zach was sharing with our audience about this thing called acceptance and commitment therapy where instead of trying to pray it away, shove the emotion in a corner, do, you know, do these things, there's this process. Maybe I'll let you share this, Zach. When you say rise above it, it sounds an awful lot about what Zach was teaching the other day about what's the word to kind of separate yourself from the emotion to be able to look at. Diffusion.

Mark Odland:

Diffusion. Yeah. Zach, could you share a little bit about that?

Zack Carter:

Yeah, sure. So acceptance and commitment therapy argues that if you have an emotion like you talk about Jared, anxiety, you're kind of one with that anxiety. You're being driven by the anxiety. You're in the car and it's taken off on you. You're not in control.

Zack Carter:

And so you can begin to say, okay, I'm thinking that I'm anxious. And so you start to kind of pull apart from it a bit. And then if you say, okay, I'm noticing, I'm thinking about anxiety. What happens is you kind of go into a third person mode where you're like noticing what's going on in your body and you're noticing the sensation, but you're not letting the sensation take control of you. And then what you do is you move toward values.

Zack Carter:

What are my values? So you pick three to five important values in your life and say, okay, I'm going to act based on my values, not based on a sensation I'm feeling in my body, which is basically what it sounds like you were able to do is like you're separating off from it. Like, with all all due respect to your your brother, I work with a lot of guys with addictions. And but it sounds like you guys both had the flight strategy. Yours was just more productive.

Zack Carter:

Like you've And more socially accepted. And more socially accepted. Right? And so instead of engaging in the flight pattern, I'm writing a book right now and I call it foster instead. So instead of fight, flight, freeze, we want to foster.

Zack Carter:

And so it seems like you've moved into that mode that like, okay, I'm no longer being driven by the flea. I'm driven by, okay, I'm going to foster my business. I'm going to foster my family instead of fleeing

Jerrid Sebesta:

where you're

Zack Carter:

going. I don't know if we've answered your question, but

Jerrid Sebesta:

that's I kinda our think it's a fantastic conversation for your viewers and listeners to constantly comprehend because again, what I am learning, again, let's let's rewind the tape four years ago. So it's like, Jared, you gotta do something different. Fly pole planted. Let's go figure this out. Transformation now initiated.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I thought the successful people were smarter than me. And then I started, like, getting on planes and getting in the rooms as these people. And here's what I realized. They weren't any smarter than me. They were at their core different people.

Jerrid Sebesta:

They operated by a different system than me. The way that they interacted and responded to this world and their life and to fear and to money and their relationship with money and success was way different than mine. If I had to articulate it now, I was completely operating from a place of fear, lack, and scarcity.

Mark Odland:

Wow. Yep.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Completely. And so I was constantly reacting to everything. Because remember, what have I been doing since I was eight years old? I was just reacting to problems. Problems were constantly in my lap, whether I liked it or not.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And so by the way, side nugget, I don't rest well. I rest well now, but up until not long ago, I didn't rest well at all because consider my consider my inner thermostat. It was it was if I if I stop, it's gonna come get me. There's problems piling up in my corner if I don't keep the ball rolling. In fact, another side nugget, I actually went to counseling for my daughter.

Jerrid Sebesta:

My daughter has ADHD, which we may or may not talk about during this podcast. But we went to counseling one time, met with a counselor, this is four or five years ago, for my daughter. And of course, because she's a good counselor, she starts asking me like, so what's up with you, Jared? And I was like, well, let me tell you. You know, I bust out my 16 pages of notes and I gave her the eight minute recap of my life.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And I kid you not, gentlemen, I got done giving her the synopsis of my life and she takes this long pregnant pause and she goes, God, it must be exhausting being you. And I was like, Yeah. Yeah, you're dang right it is. And that was another proof point to be like, Jared, you must figure out a different this is not how life is supposed to go. Purely running away from your own life.

Jerrid Sebesta:

But to your point, when it comes down to success and pushing, and I don't think that we should not desire more. I don't think that we should believe that we aren't in I don't wanna say entitled, but deserving them more. We're we're kings. You know? Like, I think people lack deserve it ship.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I talk a lot about that with people. You know? They they they don't feel unworthy because they don't believe that they deserve it. Right? But is grinding the answer?

Jerrid Sebesta:

Here's the problem. Grinding works. Like working endlessly and tirelessly trying to stay Dude, it got me two successful careers.

Zack Carter:

Right.

Jerrid Sebesta:

But it almost it probably took years off my life. Well, hopefully, I restored, but it doesn't give me peace. I I now believe that the the older we get, yes, we should get more successful, air quotes, because that can mean a thousand things. But our peace should continually go up. Our connection should go up.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Our impact should go up. Our wisdom should go up. So when I see high achievers and they start to plateau or go back down, that we know that there's something off because this is not the trajectory. This is not the and I'm not blaming people. I've done it.

Mark Odland:

Sure.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I'm constantly like, I'm I'm now doing a pulse check on not just my anxiety. It's my internal thermostat. Let me clear up one thing too. Yeah. When I ask people say, how do you wanna feel?

Jerrid Sebesta:

In no way, am I suggesting that we should be tossed by our emotions? Because as you know, like my emotions are all over the place, You know? So I don't wanna be driven by my emotions. When I ask people, how do you wanna feel? It's almost the difference between emotions, little e, and emotion, capital e.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I wanna be driven by the emotion, capital e. Meaning, what does my soul crave to feel? What does my soul crave to connect? That's what I mean when I mean emotions. But to your point, sometimes that can be a driver, but I think it comes down to where are you driving the car from?

Jerrid Sebesta:

By what position are you making this decision? Because I have a lot of people say, that's great, Jared. I love what you're saying. But, like, I've gotta make a decision today versus here or here on my business or life. And I say, it's not about what decision you make.

Jerrid Sebesta:

It's about the posture and the place that you are making the decision from. If you're making it from fear, lack, scarcity, can we make it from a place of peace, wholeness? I love the word wholeness. Can I understand that there's nothing that I can do to mess up my life that's outside of the bounds of of of, you know, of fixing through, you know, God's mysterious ways? I I I used to live in right and wrong, black or white.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Now I live in it's either right or it's righter. Mhmm. Because I don't live in the land of right or wrong. I don't live in the land of like either I'm either going to win or I'm going to lose. I'm just in the game of like connecting with my creator.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I do what I can do. I surrender the less left. And I find myself in this beautiful flow state. I don't like that word because it's, it's, it's, a little new agey and we know where that can go, but you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm in this beautiful mesh of the physical and the spiritual where I'm doing what I can do.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I mean, let me just give you an Yeah. I was I was in Florida two weeks ago. Zach, I know you're in Florida. And Yes, this is starting to click for me. And the more I'm doing this, the more opportunities that are coming up for me to not only elevate my game, but to help other people.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And I'm like, I'm watching this momentum. Why why would we not want momentum? And I'm not just talking of financial. I'm just talking all of it. Talking, you know, the level by which I think.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I'm looking myself in the mirror. I'm seeing what I wrote down a year ago and I'm comparing notes and I'm like, wow. I understand so much more. So I'm talking momentum on all levels. And I just wrapped up a talk and I'm like, every time I do a talk, I'm like, that was the best, that was my highest level of operation.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And it's not about, I got a standing ovation. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about, I was sharing at a high level, which was what I wanted years ago when I was stuck in the grind and in the old program. Mhmm. And, you know, got a full speaking fee, and I'm like, this is incredible.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I get paid to come to beautiful places to take a Delta flight home and sip a latte. And right behind me in the TSA line is Gary V, who Gary V is in the personal development world. I mean, I'm a fan. I obviously know him, and I so I got a I got a picture with Gary V, and I'm like, this is amazing. And then I go get a coffee, and I sit down, and some dude comes up to me in Fort Myers, Florida.

Jerrid Sebesta:

He goes, are you Jared? I was like, yeah. He goes, I used to be a I used to be a TV weatherman, and I always wanted to get to the Twin Cities. And I knew that you were on TV, so I knew you. He's like, I was just on your web website today.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Dude. And I look up, and you're sitting right there. And I'm like, no kidding. Well, he works for a financial company, and now we've contact now he's gonna he's opening the door to give me opportunities in his company. And I'm like, I'm crushing it.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I'm crushing it. Now I'm not crushing it. I'm just in the I'm in the I'm in the flow. And then we take off and we see the spaceship, Artemis two. We see it take off from flight.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And I this is all happening before 2PM in the and I'm like, I'm on fire. I am on fire today. Like, I want to hit play repeat on this day ever. Now, again, I'm being facetious. But you understand what I'm trying to say?

Jerrid Sebesta:

Like, those days didn't happen. I didn't I didn't understand this, wow. All I have to do is, like, believe, have certainty when it is uncertain, not let my emotions, little e, drive the train, but let the emotion, capital e, be the place by which I live and I operate. And I do the work I need to do. I surrender the rest, and I let god finish.

Jerrid Sebesta:

There's a statement I love to use. You start it. God finishes it. You start it. God finishes it.

Jerrid Sebesta:

You you you get an idea that he probably gave you. You ideate on it. You take action. You surrender the rest. And when you can live in then you get into this beautiful mesh of the two worlds, And, it seems like everything else starts to kinda take care of itself, so to speak.

Mark Odland:

Wow. Mhmm. That's that's inspiring. I mean, it's just it's contagious, man. You're like, I'm feeling the energy, and I'm like, this is awesome.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And you know, I don't know

Mark Odland:

if you if you find this or what the relationship is here, but when you when you when you share those things with such joy, it doesn't inspire jealousy. It inspires thankfulness. And it's like it you you personally receive the gift, but I'm experiencing these positive emotions in the hearing of it. And I'm happy for you. And I'm like, man, I wonder what that could be like.

Mark Odland:

I wonder what that quote, unquote, coincidence might be for me and Zach in the next month. Right?

Jerrid Sebesta:

Right.

Mark Odland:

And I think if I'm hearing you right, Jared, when you're giving these talks, when you're working with guys, when they're reading your book, the moment well, it's it's it's about God being connected to that flow state with God, but it's almost like getting your mind around the idea. This isn't about here's a tool or a trick to grind harder.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Mhmm.

Mark Odland:

This is a whole new paradigm. It's

Jerrid Sebesta:

like Yes.

Mark Odland:

It's a whole new operating system, a whole new mindset of having the I don't know if courage is the right word or if we surrender something to say, you know what? I'm gonna see what it's like to kind of Dabble.

Zack Carter:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've got

Mark Odland:

the grind thing going on over here. I know that kinda works, kinda, but I'm living with anxiety and this and that. But what would happen? If I just and it I mean, so, like, for you, I guess the the the question I have now is and, again, maybe this is they they gotta read the book to get get into the nitty gritty of it. But for you who who teaches who lives it, who teaches it, are you at a point now where there are these moments in your day where you have to consciously realign yourself with to be to kind of, like, get in the current, to get in that flow state because you find yourself, like, drifting to the side?

Mark Odland:

And if so, is it just a single thought? Is it a prayer? Is it just a a recognition at this point for you and you're back online? Or is there something you have to do to to kind of recenter yourself?

Jerrid Sebesta:

Fantastic question. I talk about in the book a morning gratitude walk. That morning gratitude walk has has morphed into something more and diff it it it has morphed into something I do throughout the day, not just a five or ten minute walk in the morning. But for me, where I needed the most work, and I'm gonna I'm use air quotes there because I don't think that we're, like, we're we're we're a we're a human being with a bunch of problems and issues. No.

Jerrid Sebesta:

We have corrections. Right? Where I needed the most correction was in my mind. That's where, you know, some people struggle on their spirituality, physical life. Mine was in my in between my two years.

Mark Odland:

Sure.

Jerrid Sebesta:

So I started doing a morning gratitude walk right after I had this epiphany four years ago. And I would say these things to myself and I I still do to some extent, not as consistently because I'm doing it throughout the day now to your point, Mark. Now it's just kind of a continual thing. Right? But it really revolves back to wholeness.

Jerrid Sebesta:

So I'll say, this is the best day of my life. Not this, I hope this is the best day. Not I hope it's going to be, this is the best day. This is the, like, this is the I mean, the present, that's like Psalm one eighteen or 19. Like, this is the this is the day the Lord has made.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And this day, and I've been saying this to myself recently, and if you follow me on Instagram, you'll see my stories and and I'll say stuff like this because I'll take pictures on my morning gratitude walk. This day is filled with infinite possibilities. Infinite. The only problem with that is that if we're not careful, this is me talking. Sure.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I I will I will take all of those infinite possibilities and I will correlate them down into one probability if I'm not careful because that's what my system is attuned to because your your system is optimized to the familiar. It's what it's used to. And I've got forty plus years of programming here that I'm still trying to unwind. Right? So if I'm not careful, I will take that infinite possibility, and I will shrink it down to one probability.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And I always thought that way. That's why that's why life was so similar. It was the same it was the same life, the same year. Obviously, not exactly as different to some extent, obviously, but, like, I there was no growth there. So I say, this is the best day of my life.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I say, I lack nothing. That is something I say to myself so often. When I get an email and somebody turns me down for a speaking engagement, which happens a lot. If I'm not careful, my reaction is like, are you kidding me? And then I'll go into fear, lack, and scarcity trailer park kid who never had enough money.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And now all of a sudden, no. Maybe I shouldn't even be doing this. And, oh my gosh, I'm gonna have to go get a job, a real job again. You see what I'm saying? Yeah.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Again, I'm being facetious, but, like, the now I have those thoughts, but they don't take me down the rabbit hole because I'm now center more in lack. So, again, I focus a lot on I don't lack anything. I have everything. The challenges I have today, I don't have problems. I will have challenges today.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Those challenges are all for me. They are for me. That is a revolutionary mindset that has shifted for me in the last couple of years. I thought that everything was against me because that's the way it felt for decades. Mhmm.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Is that everything was a grind, an uphill grind, uphill. Every time my phone rang, it was another problem. So I've trained my system to be optimized to be constantly, like, trying to put out fires. Well, if that's what my system is trained for, well, guess what shows up on my door every day? Problems.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I've optimized my life to have problems. And so another thing I tell myself is I don't have any problems. I have I have challenges today And hallelujah, I have challenges because every time I get a little shred of fear and anxiety or a tough email or a a deal that I don't get, amazing. Amazing. This is an opportunity for me to level up my consciousness, my thoughts, and rise above that fear in that old program.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Thank you, god. Thank you that that deal fell through. Thank you that my daughter, my ADHD daughter is irregulated right now and causing a challenge for me to maintain my patience. Thank you for that. Thank you that that my water heater broke because now this is an opportunity for me to pay a bill and realize that there is no lack.

Jerrid Sebesta:

There isn't any lack. And so, again, some foundational things that I believe that I want your listeners to hear, this life is functioning for you. I know it doesn't seem that way. I I know it doesn't feel that way. But, like, is it possible that there is a choreographer, capital c, of this world, air you know, you get what I'm saying?

Jerrid Sebesta:

There's a choreographer that has choreographed your life or is choreographing, yet you get a say in this movie. I believe that our lives are more choreographed than what we would ever fully understand, but it's all happening for me, but I get a say. There's nothing more empowering to somebody to say, like, I can make a decision, and I get a say in this world. And at any moment in time, I can choose a different outcome because I'm choosing a different I I'm choosing to respond a different way. So you getting stopped at a stoplight or losing a business deal or, god forbid, something catastrophic happening.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Every one of these things aren't good or bad. Every single one of them are tests, opportunities, and portals for you to go to the next level. Buckle up for what's about to happen. But then he said this, he didn't say now go do what you normally do. Go freak out and scream and yell.

Jerrid Sebesta:

You know what he said? He said, he goes, the she goes, you surrender this whole thing. He goes, the faster you surrender, like the money, the social media, the the the it'll all come back. The fact he goes he goes, what an opportunity. You should be honored this happened.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Be honored that God trusted you enough to allow this to happen. Whether he did it, the devil did, I don't know. We'll sort that out someday. Bottom line, he allowed it. Let's just call it that.

Jerrid Sebesta:

That he allowed this to happen. You should be so honored and flattered. He goes, you got more time to spend with your wife. Now I thought he was crazy because remember my nervous system was trained to like fear, react, figure it out, figure it out, figure it out, figure it out. Right?

Jerrid Sebesta:

Yep. And I took him up on his advice. I thought he was nuts, but I'm like, well, he's saying it with such certainty. I'm actually gonna believe him. So for the next thirty days, you know what I did?

Jerrid Sebesta:

I sat. I sat in the uncomfortable. And I gotta tell you fellas and everybody listening, I felt like I was gonna die because it was so uncomfortable because I was fighting my own nervous. I was fighting the old program. Do you guys hear it?

Jerrid Sebesta:

I was because the program was to fight, scream, yell, figure it out, solve this problem. And I and my meanwhile, in my mind, I can feel the momentum from my book launch going boo. And it was terrifying me. And guys, there was nothing I could do because I didn't have anything. There's I I literally couldn't do God took away every avenue for me to figure it out.

Jerrid Sebesta:

What people don't under and they don't hear the other half of the story. In January, I made more money than I've ever made in my entire life in that month. That came on the heels of a month where I didn't even have social media accounts. I, was nothing I really could have done. And all of a sudden opportunities started showing up.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And then, and then within two or three weeks, all the money got, got reimbursed. And then all my social media accounts, one by one, bing, bing, bing, bing. February, biggest month of my life. March, doubled it. Then my mom passed away in March.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And remember what I said earlier in the show. Yeah. How did I feel at the end of that day? I felt honored and I felt empowered. Why?

Jerrid Sebesta:

Because God gave me an opportunity three months prior by having my identity stolen. And he had a guy and I had my friend Craig in my corner to give me the truth and understanding to guide me so I could start to reset the inner workings of how I operated. Do you see it? And it elevated me. And five days later, I was on stage in front of 450 teachers in Southeast Minnesota, and I shared the story how I walked my mom to the edge of eternity.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And it was, like, the most powerful talk I'd ever given. God utilized this story. Wasn't about me. It was about the story he gave me. And, guys, you don't know the other half of the story either.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I I know Zach doesn't know. Ten weeks later, my brother overdosed on alcohol, passed away on June 10. And when I heard that news, my dad called me at 12:23 in the morning. And when my 82 year old dad is calling me at 12:22 in the morning, it's not good news. Yeah.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And if you have an alcoholic, if you have an addict in your family, you're always prepared for the phone call. And I had prepared myself for the phone call for decades, and then I got it. And it was it was surreal. And here's the funny thing about it. While I was heartbroken that I got the news that I was dreading for years, my spirit, I'm talking my soul, got excited.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I was not excited that he had passed. I was excited because here is another catacly I would say cataclysmic event that I had no control over being dropped into my movie by the choreographer, by the creator. And I understood that this is now here to elevate me. Yes, I was heartbroken. Yes, I cried.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Yes, I grieved. Still due to this day, I'm not suggesting that there aren't painful experiences, but that painful experience actually elevated me. But I understood that because three months later, my mom had passed. And I understood that because three months prior to that, my identity got stolen. And so it gives me more belief.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Yeah. That indeed our life is choreographed in our favor. Even the most hardest things are for us. If we have the right lens and we're able to harvest the lessons to reset how we think, how we act and how we feel. So we can then become more, thus connect more, thus receive more.

Jerrid Sebesta:

So full circle moment here. The first question you asked me, what is it that you talk about? It's how to receive. And God's just given me a story and he showed me. And so I have the honor of just sharing this with other people.

Jerrid Sebesta:

You guys are the experts in what we're talking about here. I'm just the storyteller that's experienced it and can tell you about it firsthand.

Mark Odland:

Bang. That almost leaves me speechless, Jared. It's because it's just it's so it's so much to take in. It's just it's it's beautiful. And one thought that came through my mind, I know we're coming up on the hour here, but in in Christian circles.

Mark Odland:

Right? Sometimes we'll say things meant to be encouraging, but it almost sometimes falls flat or feels cliche. Right?

Jerrid Sebesta:

For example.

Mark Odland:

For example, God works all things together for good for those who love him. It sounds good. You wanna believe it. There's power in the in that word. Right?

Mark Odland:

Mhmm. If people can let it sink into their heart. But when I hear you sharing that story, I can feel it. I see that you believe it. And there's something about there's something about the the empowerment that comes with this thing isn't happening to me and driving me into a corner into another fetal position.

Mark Odland:

This isn't gonna knock me out. This isn't going to be this thing I can just barely survive and get through. And it's like, no. This is just the glimmer of another opportunity on the horizon that's gonna make your story, my story, the listener's story even more impactful Mhmm. Even more of a blessing to other people.

Mark Odland:

Somewhere down the road, we might not know how the choreographer, as you're saying, is gonna stitch all that together and and the moves that he's gonna put in place. But, man, what an empowering and hopeful way to move through life. And, Zach might have a closing thought as well, but, this might be another conversation. And I know it has to be because there's gonna

Zack Carter:

be a there could be

Mark Odland:

a lot there. But one thing I was struck by was that the key to all this is being able to receive. And I think that there's a lot more in that story about the opposite of receiving is giving. And to think about the way that you gave to your mom and it was tangled up in the mess and the trauma and all that and yet full circle here you are giving again at the end of her life in such a way that felt like an honor and felt like a blessing

Jerrid Sebesta:

Amen.

Mark Odland:

And for one person, giving too much can feel like a burden. It can feel like exhausting. It can feel codependent. It can feel all these things. But I wonder if you're centered in the right place and you're receiving from the source.

Mark Odland:

I don't know. It just feels, it feels different. It feels like this My is

Jerrid Sebesta:

mom, God rest her soul. She was a fantastic woman, beautiful woman. And, I know that she is, is a wonderful spot right now. I know that. I feel, and again, this is how depth, this is how my beliefs have been shaped.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I believe that God chose me to be born into that family because God knew exactly what my soul needed so I could get to this point. Right? So again, when I understand that it doesn't look like this burden that I just had to deal with. It was an honor. You see the difference?

Jerrid Sebesta:

I do. And also too, the Bible has technology. It's a technology, guys. It's not just a Bible word. It's not just, hey, in all things, God works out good for those.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I'm not poo pooing that scripture. Yeah. And there's a deeper technology honoring father and mother. I think the reason why I am insanely blessed in my life and I get I'm not talking financially, guys. I'm talking blessed.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Is because while my mom could be very difficult to love at times, she could be very abrasive, especially to those who were trying to help her. As a side nugget, my brother who was, you know, they were had a very codependent relationship and she was constantly trying to help him and I'm trying to help my mom and I'm the one getting yelled at. I'm like, How has this happened? It's comical now, but I always try to love her with boundaries. That boundary can get pushed.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I'm sure you guys know that. But with the right boundary, I just tried to see her the way that her creator saw her. Yeah. And, I'll just I'll I'll maybe we'll end with this. After my mom passed, I went back and I and I threw a little party for the memory care facility that took care of her.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And I and I definitely wanted to say thank you to everybody who worked with my mom. Those people are angels. Holy cow. They're angels. And, so I brought in my mom's favorite, in my end, my favorite treat, chocolate, chocolate cake with chocolate drizzle.

Jerrid Sebesta:

She had a bit of a sweet tooth. That generation did. And I had a chance to share the story of my mom and her taking her last breath and this idea of truth and some of the things that we talked about less evolved because this was already a year ago. And I said, this probably happens a lot, but I just wanted to do this for you guys. And they're like, this never happens.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And they were so thankful. And I was so thankful. And then this little lady, probably my age comes walking out and she had left and she's in full blown tears. And she goes, I wanna tell you something that your mom told me when she got here that I've never told you. She goes, she talked about you all the time.

Jerrid Sebesta:

When you weren't here, she talked about you the whole time. And she said, Jared was put in my life to guide me through this life. He's God's little gift to me. I have never heard that from my mom ever. I didn't hear her talk like that.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I didn't know she said that. I didn't know that she felt it that way. And here's the other thing too. As I look back, I was never supposed to be born. I I was born ten years after my brother.

Jerrid Sebesta:

My my both my parents were older. They were told they could never have children. Guys, is it possible that our lives are so choreographed? Like down to the day and the moment of when we were born and who we were with and who the people are in our lives and what's happening. And when we just live on the surface of the ocean, we're bounced around and we're reacting that there's something deeper waiting for us.

Jerrid Sebesta:

And by the way, it's right in front of us. If you've ever been bopping on the ocean on a cruise ship, like you're just on the top of the ocean. There's five miles of ocean water under you. And you just go thirty, forty feet down into that ocean and it's calm and it's peace and it's quiet and it's right there. And so I've learned the answers have all been right in front of me the whole time.

Jerrid Sebesta:

The only thing I haven't done is I haven't figured out how to receive them. And so the shift in who I am and the internals and my perspective is just really orienting my soul to receive. And guess what I get from it? I get peace. That's the goal.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Dang. Wow.

Mark Odland:

Amen to that. Zack, any any closing thoughts for us before we wrap up? It's hard to wrap it up.

Zack Carter:

I wanna talk another hour here, Jared, but I We'll

Jerrid Sebesta:

do part two.

Zack Carter:

Mhmm. Let's land that plane right there. Think that Alright.

Mark Odland:

That's beautiful. Well, those of you who are listening out there, again, Zach and I, we offer clarity calls, see if you're a good fit to work with us on the counseling and, and therapy front. But, Jared, if someone wants to reach out to you, if they want to find you to do a a keynote speech, if they wanna hit you up for some, from coaching, they wanna buy your book, how do they find you? What's what's the best way to get ahold of you?

Jerrid Sebesta:

Sure. Well, I appreciate this conversation. I love that. I was looking forward to this. You got two guys who are Christians who understand psychology.

Jerrid Sebesta:

I wish I had the training you have. I said it to my wife this morning. I said, I wish I knew everything that's out there. And she said, that's for them. She goes, God's teaching you in real life.

Jerrid Sebesta:

One isn't better than the other. He's just teaching in real time. You just take that and then you just take it to the masses. That's where you're supposed to be Jared. So don't worry about it.

Jerrid Sebesta:

So I'll tell him to take her up on that offer, but I appreciate the work that you guys are doing. So thank you for having me on the show. Easiest way to get ahold of me, just go to my website, jaredsobesta.com. I love Instagram. LinkedIn is a close second where I like to play.

Jerrid Sebesta:

Would love to connect with new people. Whether you wanted something from me or not is irrelevant. Just connect with me. I love just, again, connecting with folks and these doors continue to open. So let's connect.

Mark Odland:

Awesome. So good. Well, Jared, God bless you, brother. Great to see you again. And, hopefully, our paths cross again one way or another.

Mark Odland:

Hey. And the the the great choreographer is is at work. So

Jerrid Sebesta:

You never you never know. Yeah.

Mark Odland:

We'll just put that in his hands, and, thanks again for being on the Lion Counseling Podcast. Take care everybody.