Cinematic Anarchy

In this episode Piper talks films 2-4 of the Resident Evil franchise with Chris who seems to lose control of his mouth shortly after the episode begins.

What is Cinematic Anarchy?

A PODCAST INVOLVING A LEAGUE OF CINEMA LOVERS WHO SHOULD KEEP THEIR OPINIONS TO THEMSELVES, BUT DEFINITELY WON'T.

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Miss Bee:

Hey, guys. This is your warning. We do post up spoilers. At times, we're relatively offensive. We use vulgar language.

Miss Bee:

So if you think that any of those are going to offend you in any way, shape, or form, take your step back right now. Because buddy, this is not the place for you. Anyhoo, have fun listening to us, and, yeah, this has been your final warning.

Chris:

We are not the best, but we are indicative of the sickness that is the rest. We are cinematic anarchy. Thank you for, sitting in and, tuning in and doing whatever it is you did with the the dial or end of the button. There's no dial for a podcast, so I'm gonna shut up. I am Chris.

Piper:

Hi. I'm Piper.

Chris:

And, today, we're gonna be sitting down and talking about part 2 and part 3 of Resident Evil or, sorry, Resident Evil Apocalypse and Resident Evil Extinction because you can't call them part 2 and part 3 because if you look it up that way, you just end up with video games.

Piper:

Yes. You do. So Unless you type in, like, Resident Evil 2 movie and Resident Evil 3 movie.

Chris:

Right. Exactly. Piper, how you been doing?

Piper:

I'm alive. At work like fuck. I I

Chris:

did too. I just got a little promotion. So,

Piper:

yay, you.

Chris:

Not a pods. Not a podcasting promotion. Just a promotion within my regular 9 to 5 gigs. So,

Piper:

I need a promotion away from my job.

Chris:

Right. Well, in the meantime, you have a little bit of time to de stress here and on TikTok and Twitch and other places that you do your thing. Right?

Piper:

Yes. Like after this, I will be doing some TikTok ing, and then after that, I will be doing some twitching.

Chris:

I have noticed something.

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

I go out in public a lot. Okay. That that's a weird way to lead into what my thought was. I I I realize right now. Out in public, I've had people tell me that I have a voice for radio.

Chris:

However, I've listened to our podcast just a little bit lately. And for some reason, when I get really excited and I talk fast and I talk at length about something, my voice will slowly get higher and I'll be sound really I have a high pitched voice when I'm really excited about something and I'm talking at length.

Piper:

You do? I do.

Chris:

A little little laugh from that. Nope.

Piper:

Oh, god.

Chris:

I'm not gonna make that a permanent thing on the podcast. I know I did in the last episode.

Piper:

Somebody else just did something, like, last night, and they also sounded like Winnie the Pooh. No. The Pillsbury Doughboy.

Chris:

Pillsbury Doughboy, not Winnie the Pooh.

Piper:

Yeah. Somebody else did something that was Winnie the Pooh. They were like, think, think, think. Yeah.

Chris:

You you poke Winnie the Pooh, and he's like, oh, bother.

Piper:

You know, that's I'd love some honey.

Chris:

Why are you poking me in the rumbly tumbly? You know?

Piper:

Oh, that could go so many ways.

Chris:

Good ways and bad ways. That being said. Yeah. I know. I I have had a decent day, decent week.

Chris:

Got the little promotion, and, I just got home from watching Smile 2 in the theater.

Piper:

No. I was wondering what took you so long to get home.

Chris:

Well, Smile 2, a little bit of shopping. You know, you have to get food for the rest of the week so that you don't, end up having to shop 3 or 4 separate times.

Piper:

I tried to take a nap again, and everybody started calling and messaging again. I'm just like, fuck. Fuck.

Chris:

I'm forgetful, honestly. If I, had it my way, I would go out and just shop for whatever meal that I need every single time. Like, oh, that's breakfast. Let me go and shop for that, or I'll just go to McDonald's or whatever. And, thankfully, I have people that remind me that we have to shop in bulk.

Chris:

Don't do it one meal at a time.

Piper:

See, I'm one of those people. I'd rather just shop in bulk and have what I need and then not have to go to McDonald's or Burger King. Then again, I've never liked Burger King even before I started working there.

Chris:

I I'm just bad about it. I have that ADHD thing where, like, you buy food and then that you buy more food and the food that you bought the last time gets pushed to the back. And then you're just kinda rotating new food in, and the old food gets pushed to the back. And then one day, you're looking at your fridge. You're looking at your cabinets, and you're going, I know about 3 layers back.

Chris:

There's some nasty shit. We gotta pull this stuff out of here. There's something growing other things back there.

Piper:

Oh god. Your mushrooms are growing mushrooms.

Chris:

Right. The resident evil experiment in my refrigerator. Okay.

Piper:

Sir, we do not need umbrella in your refrigerator.

Chris:

No. No. But we definitely have the t virus in there somewhere.

Piper:

Ew. Mommy. And I thought you wanted me to come and hang out and, like like like, stay there for a bit to go see Boston or wherever it is.

Chris:

Yeah. We're we're trying to get

Piper:

you to come out here.

Chris:

Come visit us. There's Boston. There's there's Salem.

Piper:

There's Boston?

Chris:

I I haven't been able to find a live in housekeeper. We may keep you. No.

Piper:

I'm gonna have to warn my man. I'm sorry, babe. I went to go visit my friends just to go see Salem around Halloween because, you know, I'm all witchy and shit, and then they kept me. They wouldn't let me go. They are shackles.

Chris:

I got shackles on my ankle. It lets me go just far enough to clean the fridge. That's about it.

Piper:

It lets me go all only around the house, like, just from one door to the other so that I can make sure everything is dusted.

Chris:

Something in the fucking fridge bit me, and they keep calling me Alice now.

Piper:

Oh, god. No. Okay. Speaking of that, I'm just gonna say this out loud. She could've got paid all of her money for every movie just saying my name is Alice after the first movie.

Chris:

Yeah. I don't that's one of the things that I'm not really liking is that they keep leading into these films with some kind of monologue, Alice monologue each and every.

Piper:

Alice monologue, and she always sounds like she needs a lozenge or 17.

Chris:

I'm Alice. And there was something that happened, and now it's happened again.

Piper:

There's something that happened. It got worse. The next movie, it got a lot worse. The next movie is more worse.

Chris:

We thought it was much, much better. Now it's even worse than it was. Yes.

Piper:

It's even worser.

Chris:

Okay. Honestly, Mila is the only watchable part of some of these movies.

Piper:

I wouldn't say that. I would not say that.

Chris:

I said some, not all.

Piper:

I must say, you know, since we're gonna do these in order of Resident Evil Apocalypse, Sienna Gilroy was a good Jill.

Chris:

Okay. Sure. We'll we'll say that. This is probably one of the lowest rated Resident Evil films.

Piper:

But for me, it's, like, actually one of the best of x the Resident Evil films.

Chris:

Okay. Okay. Why? Why is that the best for you?

Piper:

I think because it's, for a lot of it, it's very true to the 3rd game. It's basically the 3rd game in live action. I mean, there are parts I don't like, but I'll get that when we actually get further into the movie.

Chris:

Okay.

Piper:

Because, I mean, I don't wanna sit there and just jump all out of order. I mean, to give us synopsis, you know, Umbrella reopens the hive. The virus gets out, infects Raccoon City, and then you've got a group of survivors, including Alice from the first movie who's been infected with the t virus herself, has become superhuman, and they must escape umbrella, zombies, and nemesis.

Chris:

This is where they slowly start moving away. Like, this is still a zombie movie. Yeah. By the by the next movie, they slowly start moving away from zombies.

Piper:

I wouldn't say that because they still have zombies in the next one.

Chris:

They still have zombies. Yes. But I feel like you would have had basically the same story without the zombies attached,

Piper:

Well Basically. No. Because the whole we're

Chris:

jumping around. Yeah. We're jumping around. We're already on extinction. We're still talking about, Apocalypse.

Chris:

Apocalypse. So I I had trouble with this movie. I really did. There were parts that I really liked. There were

Piper:

some of those parts where we're l with LJ? Because Mike Epps is hilarious.

Chris:

Okay. Mike Epps is absolutely okay. I'm I was saying that, Mila was the only watchable part of some of these movies. His humor was great. Yes.

Chris:

But, ultimately, it felt a little out of place in what should have been a very tense zombie film.

Piper:

For me, I think it felt in place because if you think about the human psyche, the thing that people are gonna rely on to actually survive something is what have they fell back on whenever they were nervous situations or anything else uncomfortable to get through it.

Chris:

Like, I felt like he felt like Chandler in the zombie apocalypse. Just all the sarcastic stuff and and Grand Theft Auto. You know, that

Piper:

that And then he was and then he was still mesmerized by zombie titties. Big ass implanted I'm sorry. Some people don't like the word implants. Augmented zombie titties.

Chris:

They were implanted.

Piper:

I I know that, but some people wanna be all grrr, and they're like, it's a breast augmentation.

Chris:

I mean,

Piper:

when I get mine, I'm gonna be like, oh, no, bitch. They were implanted. I got big boobalooobab now.

Chris:

I get that they took your original breasts, and they made them into a different kind of breasts. However, did they implant something to do that?

Piper:

I don't know. I wasn't there.

Chris:

It's an implant.

Piper:

I don't know. I was asleep.

Chris:

I can I can call a reduction more an augmentation than I could,

Piper:

an Because you're not implanting anything?

Chris:

Right. You're not putting anything in. You're taking things out. You're reshaping it in a different way. It's

Piper:

Sucking out all that mayonnaise.

Chris:

It's not an augmentation. It's just a reshaping of the original hardware.

Piper:

I like that. Reshaping of the original hardware.

Chris:

Right. Exactly. Because it's not it's not technically you're not calling it an implant. There is a sort of hardware that goes into it, what whatever they're using now. I don't think they use silicone anymore, do they?

Chris:

They use something else?

Piper:

Yeah. They still use silicone and saline.

Chris:

Okay. There was something that was, like, toxic, like, when they were using, like, implants.

Piper:

Silicone is toxic if it ruptures because you'll get silicone poisoning. That's why I'm opting to try to go get saline because if I if mine ruptured, then I'll just have high blood pressure for a bit.

Chris:

Alright. So that's the lesson for you. If you're into impact play, maybe the saline ones are not really what you want.

Piper:

Why?

Chris:

I mean, come on. Impact play.

Piper:

Saline is the one that won't poison you.

Chris:

No. I saw did I say saline? I meant salt. Right? I said saline.

Chris:

Oh oh, dear. Well, I I love how

Piper:

we've gone from za resident evil and talking about zombie titties. Just as full of speaking about implants, what to get, what not to get.

Chris:

Yeah. Well, I mean, you you you sat down with me and decided to talk about tits, and I you think I'm not gonna go off on a tangent. You're kidding yourself.

Piper:

I wouldn't know. I don't know how men feel about tits. I'm still growing mine.

Chris:

I I am trying to reduce mine a little bit.

Piper:

It's like hormones. They've done some work, but I need them to do more.

Chris:

I feel like I don't have enough support, but now that I'm losing a little bit weight, I'm good. Get a bra.

Piper:

You'll have all the support you need.

Chris:

For guys, it goes away from the tits first.

Piper:

Yeah. And then everybody, it goes away from the belly last.

Chris:

Right. Yeah. My belly, I I don't know. I mean, my legs are getting smaller. My arms are getting smaller.

Piper:

Looks like I've lost a £120, and people still be like, so what's your baby do? And I almost wanna be like, would you like to feel this arm? It's poking out.

Chris:

You got nothing to say there

Piper:

anyway. Yeah.

Chris:

Re written medieval?

Piper:

Right.

Chris:

Apologies.

Piper:

We were speaking people in the movie. Like, I do love Gina Gilroy as Jill. I mean, she actually took the time to play the game with her I think it was with her brother. And she, she actually studied the way Jill would talk, the way she would act, and the way she got a little girly and impatient if you left her standing there. Like, she start tapping her gun against her leg Yeah.

Piper:

And poke her hip out.

Chris:

I don't know. I mean, I had a lot of trouble with a lot of this movie. I think that it just felt a little too disjointed for me. There were definitely some good moments in the film, things that I enjoyed. Disjointed.

Chris:

Well, while they did try to stick with the a a lot of the stuff from the was the second film?

Piper:

The 3rd game?

Chris:

The second game. Yeah.

Piper:

The third game?

Chris:

It was for the 3rd game? Nemesis was the

Piper:

game was yeah. The second game was kinda just thrown out because, because we have Claire Redfield in the second game. We have Jill Valentine in the third. Or we had Chris we had Claire and Leon in the second game.

Chris:

I think I told you this shortly before we started. I haven't played Resident Evil games since I had the original Nintendo.

Piper:

So It didn't come out for the original Nintendo.

Chris:

I swear it did.

Piper:

I promise you it did not.

Chris:

You promised me?

Piper:

There was there was a game

Chris:

this up right now.

Piper:

There was a game that was Resident Evil like, that Resident Evil was based off of, that I think was on the original Nintendo. Resident Evil did not come out until PlayStation days in 1997, 98.

Chris:

I could've sworn they were, like, the original and not okay. Nope. I'm thinking of something else.

Piper:

Yes. There was a game that was, like, Resident Evil on the I think on the original Nintendo, and it's it is one of the games that Resident Evil was based off of later.

Chris:

Am I mixing up my PlayStation 1 with, like, pixelized Nintendo games?

Piper:

Apparently. Fuck.

Chris:

Alright. So,

Piper:

How can you mix those up? I mean, let's think about it. PlayStation 1, cone titty Laura.

Chris:

Alright. So let me let me be frank with you. I had an I had the Nintendo, but it's

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

It's in the back of my head. Uh-huh. I remember renting the PS 1 when I got my first job. So, like, around the time

Piper:

that I got my that.

Chris:

Used to be able to, like, rent VCRs, DVD players, game systems. This is, in the heyday of, Blockbuster and all that other stuff and when we had mom and pop rental stores.

Piper:

Yeah. Yes. Still, I didn't know you could rent game systems.

Chris:

I'm mixing up my game systems mainly because of the fact that outside of maybe the past 5 to 10 years, I didn't play a lot of video games. I played them a bit back then, and my memory of the time back then, it it's it's it's shitty. I had a lot of horrible crap going on. I've talked about them on the podcast over the years. It's, so my memory of, past events, not the best.

Chris:

So me mixing up, Nintendo as a Resident Evil game, or I should say Resident Evil game on Nintendo.

Piper:

Yes. Nintendo is a Resident Evil game.

Chris:

Nintendo is a Resident

Piper:

Evil game. Resident Evil is the system.

Chris:

That's the the next the next, movie in the line there is, Resident Evil Nintendo.

Piper:

But I mean apocalypse. The funny thing is is that,

Chris:

Is that your phone again?

Piper:

Chris, I am a shift lead.

Chris:

I know you're a shift lead. You can't put it on buzz or something.

Piper:

If I put it on buzz, I may not see it because I cannot hear with this. Did it kill you?

Chris:

Okay. That's fine. That's fine. Let it ring. Do what you need.

Piper:

Have a job. Don't worry. I just put it on buzz for you.

Chris:

I, I'm also, very, very ditzy in my older age, so I'm mixing up words. I'm making myself sound a little bit, cognitively impaired. Like, I've been drinking a little bit, and I haven't I haven't been

Piper:

I can't wait until I'm drinking in a couple weeks on my birthday.

Chris:

I should be having a drink tonight. Celeste

Piper:

Brown. 17, but I gotta work in the morning.

Chris:

Oh, okay. Well, go for it.

Piper:

Have fun. Gotta work in the morning. No.

Chris:

I mean, you'll be working with a headache, but you'll be working.

Piper:

My job is enough of a headache. I don't need to work with 1.

Chris:

No? Okay.

Piper:

No. I would Customers are evil. I had to cuss one out today. Like, me and him are literally cussing across the store while I'm trying to catch up on stuff.

Chris:

Okay. So getting back to my original point before I went off on an ADHD tangent, tripped over my tongue, accused Nintendo of being a game underneath the resident eagle eagle.

Piper:

You should stop while you're still behind.

Chris:

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. What is wrong with me today?

Piper:

Maybe it's just it's just sniffles.

Chris:

It's not the hay fever. It's has nothing to do with that. There is something wrong with my brain. Alright. Next episode, Chris is going to the doctor's office to have himself checked for Alzheimer's or something.

Piper:

Dementia.

Chris:

Dementia. Yes. Okay. Accused Nintendo of being a video game under the resident eagle. Eagle, again,

Piper:

evil again.

Chris:

Fuck.

Piper:

That's even more funny because I'm like, is it gonna happen? Is it gonna happen?

Chris:

Why? Resident evil flag. Resident evil flag. Resident. It's not even a tongue twister.

Piper:

Resident evil flag.

Chris:

I've never even seen a resident eagle. I don't even know what that would be.

Piper:

I guess one that's at a zoo. Actually There's a resident there.

Chris:

There is an eagle that kinda purchased in a tree off the river down the street here, but that's besides the point. So I was just trying to say that while they did stick with a lot of the scenes sort of straight out of the video games

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

I felt like the story itself, it just felt a little disjointed for me, like it was missing. Maybe if I saw the the director's cut of the film, it might add a little bit to it that it'd make me feel like cuts from certain scene to certain scenes didn't wouldn't feel sort of like they're jumping the story a little bit.

Piper:

I don't know. Like, I don't see where you're getting that from because but then again, I've watched on Blu ray. So I don't know if all that stuff's already added back in there. My friend got me all 6 films, like, in a Blu ray edition whatever.

Chris:

Yeah. I have

Piper:

So it could have everything in there.

Chris:

Did you get the extended editions or the original editions?

Piper:

I don't have the boxes anymore, so I don't know.

Chris:

Oh, that's that's wonderful. So you might have what I I'm you might be watching something I'm not watching.

Piper:

I mean, that's possible. It's like but, I mean, like, I don't I don't see, even when I was watching the original, like, when I got them on DVD, like, when they first came out, like, there was nothing disjointed for me. It's like it's like because they brought Alice out onto the streets of, you know, Racoon City, I could see why they skipped the 2nd game because it basically takes place in nothing but a lab and a police station. Resident evil 3 took place in the seat in the in the, in the seats. In

Chris:

the seat?

Piper:

In the seats, in the city streets.

Chris:

I see. Now you're doing what I'm doing. I'm infecting you with something.

Piper:

Yeah. That t virus.

Chris:

Yeah. I I apologize about that. I I will try I

Piper:

didn't know it could go digital.

Chris:

It's a the t virus, it can also affect you verbally.

Piper:

Mother f.

Chris:

Managed to pass it through the headphones here.

Piper:

Mother f.

Chris:

Yeah. Okay.

Piper:

But, like I'm glad some gripes.

Chris:

Okay. Plenty of gripes. I'm glad they got rid of Matt. I like Nemesis.

Piper:

I have one complaint about Nemesis.

Chris:

Okay. Go ahead.

Piper:

Him becoming a good guy in the end. Like, finding his humanity.

Chris:

Okay. Yeah.

Piper:

Like, because, I mean, hell, like, I played the I played Resident Evil 3. I remember it scared the shit out of me every time he banged out of a room somewhere that I was not expecting him. And so it's like, you know, not like you're always terrified of him. It's like all of a sudden he's good?

Chris:

No. Okay. They gave him a redemption arc because, obviously, they're not going to use him again.

Piper:

I mean, I got that, but, like like, I get what they did. Doesn't mean I have to like it.

Chris:

Alright. Alright. Now I I I like Nemesis. You don't like Nemesis, so you you have a

Piper:

Didn't say I don't like Nemesis. Like, you know

Chris:

You don't like that he became a good guy at the end.

Piper:

Right. I don't like the whole redemption arc. I mean, yeah, it was kinda cool. Like, I mean, hell, there's a scene from there's a scene where she, Alice is running through it was I mean, they filmed in Toronto, but, like, they were running through the she's running through, and the helicopter was shooting her through glass, shooting at her. Then she comes out, and, like, there's 3 guards or whatever, and she drops the gun and then grabs it and shoots it.

Chris:

Oh, right. She drops it on the floor, and she falls to the ground to the side and grabs it and shoots it. That's like a frame

Piper:

to frame. From Resident Evil Veronica.

Chris:

Yeah.

Piper:

Yeah.

Chris:

See, that I've seen. I think mostly in not replays from the movie, but, like, behind the scenes stuff that they showed, like, side by side by side that is sort of like a, it's almost dead on exactly like the image in the game. Mhmm. The cut scene, I should say.

Piper:

But, hell, I mean, I have to give all the actors prop in this movie. I mean, they decided to, like so that they could have Jill in her classic costume that they were gonna say there was, like, a heat wave in Raccoon City, although it was fall or winter in Toronto when they were filming. Sienna Gellert was cold. She was the one wearing the least amount of clothes, a miniskirt and a tube top. So I could think the only thing that kept her warm was her boots.

Chris:

I mean, it it kind of fits with the, the outfit that she wore in the game too, but still.

Piper:

Well, that's why I mean, that's why they said there was a heat wave in Raccoon City so that they could actually put Jill in her boots, like, in her tube top and miniskirt.

Chris:

I think I've only really have one problem with one actor's acting in the entire movie.

Piper:

Please tell me it's the bitch who plays Terry.

Chris:

No. No. It's not the bitch who plays Terry. It's Zack Ward. Nikolai.

Piper:

You're you're bitching about his accent?

Chris:

His attempt at an accent because he goes in and out of it. Like,

Piper:

sir bad thing is is that Nikolai in in the game didn't have an accent.

Chris:

It's not even that. I mean, if he could've committed fully to the accident accident

Piper:

Yeah.

Chris:

Accent with it was sort of an accident. Yes. But

Piper:

I've got this beach. Shit.

Chris:

I just it was a horrible attempt at, I'm guessing, a Slavic accent and just

Piper:

I'm forgiving him because he's sexy. But here's the other yes. Here's my other problem with, Zack Ward being Nikolai, though. And it's not that he's not a good actor. It's the simple fact that Nikolai was supposed to be a lot older.

Chris:

Zack Ward, is a better comedic actor than he is an action star by any No? No.

Piper:

He was in charmed. He's he's good at drama and shit.

Chris:

I've seen him in charmed. If you didn't think that performance was funny, then I'm sorry for you.

Piper:

I mean, he was like a he was a demon playing him at throwing a temper tantrum. Yeah. It's funny.

Chris:

He played Christopher Titus in, Christopher Titus's brother in the, television show Titus, which was absolutely hilarious. He kinda played sort of a dumbass. He was also in postal, which was funny.

Piper:

He was also in Freddy versus Jason.

Chris:

He's in a lot of shit. But, like, I I've always

Piper:

liked him on Instagram.

Chris:

I've always liked Zach Ward, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt for this film, but it was just the accent was too much. It's like, you know what? Either fully commit to the accent, get a dialect coach or whatever, or drop the accent altogether and just be you because he would have been great comedic relief on on the, level of what is that? What's his name? Omar Epps?

Chris:

Mike Epps, not Omar Epps.

Piper:

Two different actors.

Chris:

Yes. Two completely different actors. It's not like I don't mix people's names up pretty much every podcast.

Piper:

This is true.

Chris:

I've never never once in the entire time that I decided to sit down and chat with people on the podcast thought to myself, you know what? I am the smartest man in the room. No. I know I'm a dumbass, and for the most part, I invite people on here because I like to have them educate me on shit that I might not know. I have another gripe.

Chris:

Oh, sure. Go ahead.

Piper:

So Jill walks into the, into the police station, shooting all the zombies in the head, yet she couldn't shoot her friend in the head to keep him from turning into a zombie when he got bitten. It's like, you know what's going to happen. Why are you not doing this?

Chris:

No emotional attachment.

Piper:

Right. So the people who were shot still.

Chris:

I will have to admit that's probably my favorite scene with her, just a badass walking through the precinct, just blowing people away like she's some sort of female terminator.

Piper:

And then shoots Mike Epps, handcuffs. No problem. Just set him free. It's like, fuck a key. Right.

Piper:

But oh, and then there's, like, there's the whole the rule change.

Chris:

Okay.

Piper:

So in the first episode of Evil movie, we have 3 hours from the time they walk into the hive to get back out. Right. Or else the door's shut. Anybody who was still alive, rain, turned into a zombie in less than 3 hours. Carlos got bitten and 3 hours later, still not turning.

Piper:

He didn't look like shit or anything like he, like, he looked like he might've had a little cold. Rain, on the other hand, got bitten multiple times, and it still took long. I mean, a while. And she looked like hell. She was she looked like hell.

Piper:

She was hoping she was gonna survive, and she was gonna get

Chris:

laid. She also did a much better job acting.

Piper:

Well, it it's Michelle Rodriguez. You can't really con like, compare her in eau de faire.

Chris:

Oh, I think I just compared them. I can definitely compare them. I can I can compare, I can contrast, and I can go, like this job, did not like that job?

Piper:

Here we go. Yeah. 2 of the actors in Resident Evil, extinction yeah. No. Apocalypse Yeah.

Piper:

We're both in Charmed.

Chris:

That's right. Yes. I do know that.

Piper:

Was also in Charmed.

Chris:

I thought, there was another guy in there too. I thought Jared Ferris, the guy that played doctor Ashford, was also in Charmed at one point, if I'm not mistaken.

Piper:

Nah. I don't think so. Because I thought so at first, and then I think I was getting kind of confused with that that rain guy.

Chris:

It's possible. I

Piper:

Something rain.

Chris:

Mind you, it's been a while since I've sat down and watched Charmed all the way through. So

Piper:

And I've watched it several times.

Chris:

Back when I got my wife the DVDs, we watched them frequently because we did not have cable back then. That's why we were buying so many DVDs.

Piper:

Hey. Well, I lived with them time, and I all I did was watch Disney movies because I didn't have cable.

Chris:

I no longer have cable. I have access to too many streaming services, and I bought a bunch of DVDs, 90% of which I don't think I've watched.

Piper:

Trying to think if there's another gripe I have in this movie.

Chris:

Oh, this gotta be plenty.

Piper:

For you, there's plenty. Don't forget. This is one of my favorite in the series.

Chris:

Right. Okay. Okay. I mean, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here too. So Well,

Piper:

it's like thank you. I'm the Zack Ward now.

Chris:

You are the Zack Ward of this podcast.

Piper:

But, I mean, because, like, I loved it. I loved the scene shot, like, all the scenes. Like, I mean, the whole, like, give props to Mila Jovovich being able to hold that shotgun one handed to kill a licker because they've talked about how she actually struggled for a while trying to hold that shotgun just right because of how heavy it was in one hand.

Chris:

Right.

Piper:

So, I mean, like, she's a badass altogether.

Chris:

Being able to hold it with one hand and then not react to what is supposed to be one hell of a kickback

Piper:

Yeah.

Chris:

You shouldn't be she shouldn't be able to hold it with one hand and pull the trigger and not have too much of an issue.

Piper:

Yeah.

Chris:

So kudos for her, and and I'm wondering if they might have cut back on it just a little bit just so she didn't have, like, a, well, tinnitus from shooting too much.

Piper:

Well, also could have been a stunt double who shot the actual gun.

Chris:

That's entirely possible.

Piper:

I mean, it's like it's one of those things to, hold the gun. It's another thing to actually shoot the gun.

Chris:

She holds certain weapons, like, frequently throughout this, this franchise that, honestly, like, wielding it with one hand seems difficult at the very least.

Piper:

Yep. There's more we'll get into when we do Resident Evil Afterlife. Resident Evil

Chris:

Afterlife. That that is as far as I'm concerned, we we will talk about that next week. But, as far as I'm concerned, I watched these two films. I watched Resident Evil Afterlife, and I had almost given up after instinct extinction. But afterlife, I felt

Piper:

like yeah.

Chris:

Yeah. I I liked that one. I I did. It was like, I was It's

Piper:

it's also one of my favorites. It it's like a turning point.

Chris:

So apocalypse, starting to give up. Extinction, why am I still watching this shit? Wow. Afterlife, oh, okay. Okay.

Chris:

I'm good. Yeah. I like this.

Piper:

I think, like, extinction, my problem is, like, the stark contrast from we're in an underground place, which is like, yeah. There's lights, but it's a darker it's a dark atmosphere. Then we hit the the city streets of Raccoon City. It's night, dark atmosphere, extinction. It's daytime.

Piper:

It's hard to make stuff scary in the daytime.

Chris:

There were some points. There were some points that were no. I wouldn't say scary, just tense.

Piper:

You went you wanna know why he's the word scary? Why? Because that's the words behind the scenes they were using. We were trying to make things scary in the daytime. No.

Piper:

That's what they said.

Chris:

Oh, you failed. What about that?

Piper:

Like, if I talk about the action scenes, they're they're okay. Like, I got my own bitching about that when we get to extinction. But yeah. Who is your favorite actor in Apocalypse?

Chris:

In Apocalypse? Oh, okay. Yes. Okay. Yeah.

Chris:

What's the of outside of Mila. Right? Because we're we're Right.

Piper:

Mila carries that movie, I mean, understandably.

Chris:

I'm gonna say I I will say that, doctor Isaacs.

Piper:

Doctor Isaacs?

Chris:

Ian Glenn, Ian Glenn. Doctor Isaacs? Is that what his name is? Am I miss am I making a mistake?

Piper:

You're you're he's in extinction.

Chris:

Yeah. He is in this. He is in extinction. He's in this near the end, though. Like, he's not like

Piper:

He's not the main guy we're dealing with in Resident Evil 2.

Chris:

Not the main guy that you're dealing with in Resident Evil 2, but he is intimidating as fucking hell, first of all. Like, it's

Piper:

But he's not in it until the end.

Chris:

I know. You're asking me who my favorite is.

Piper:

Okay. Fair point.

Chris:

Okay. I'm I'm giving you outside of Mila. He was my favorite because it set up something that I was willing to to watch to go into the 2nd film the 3rd film. Sorry.

Piper:

Okay.

Chris:

And, honestly, he's one of my favorites from I already told you my worst. I already I already just

Piper:

Zack Ward was your worst?

Chris:

Yep. Yep. I threw I threw Zack Ward down. I just

Piper:

Oh god.

Chris:

It the problem was is that I like him so much as an actor, and I think he is underutilized, and he should be in more things.

Piper:

But I agree.

Chris:

In this film, in general, the the the horrible Russian acting Russian accent that he had. I say Russian. It's Slavic. It's not really you can't really place where that comes from. It's just not it wasn't believable.

Chris:

It I didn't feel like he was an intimidating character, and I think that if you had just removed the accent, he would have been passable and it would have been enjoyable to have him in the film. So that's my best and my worst. What are yours?

Piper:

My best? Oh, this one's complicated.

Chris:

Of course.

Piper:

Because it's a tie. It's a tie for Cena Gilleroy and my gifts. But it's like their act their acting styles in this movie, particularly, are 2 totally different. They contrast against each other. Mike gets funny and everything else.

Piper:

Every line is delivered as a punch line whether it was part of a joke or not. Sienna Gelleroy, so fucking serious throughout the whole thing except for when she's talking to Angie.

Chris:

I mean, he did his job.

Piper:

He did. His job in film. Great.

Chris:

He was comedic relief.

Piper:

Yeah.

Chris:

He was, constantly being saved with throughout the entire film.

Piper:

Okay. Okay. In fairness, one was because he became a non threat.

Chris:

I mean, Mike Epps. Respect. I like that. I like that they filmed him as not just a comic relief, but, essentially, they made him the damsel in distress of this film.

Piper:

I mean, after Terry was gone. Yeah.

Chris:

Yeah. He but he was the he was the damsel in distress in this film.

Piper:

I think that was another thing I fucking loved.

Chris:

Yeah.

Piper:

Like, Terry thought she was gonna go be able to go with somebody. Jill's like, no, bitch. No. You got the same job as everybody else. Hands are good.

Piper:

I don't I don't know how to use one thing. It's easy. Try to shoot them in the head.

Chris:

Oh, and then,

Piper:

for sure. But I'm thinking about seeing you know that was, like, her British accent kept coming out a little bit.

Chris:

I I like the, creepy kids that ended up eventually just devouring her.

Piper:

Oh my god. My my main complaint is, like, you just saw one creepy kid who scared the shit out of you. You see more creepy kids who scared the shit out of you. How'd you forget about the creepy kid behind you?

Chris:

Like, that was probably the most pointless death in the entire film. Also, I do have to say beginning of the film, one of my favorite scenes when Jill is walking through just kinda shooting everybody and she sees Mike for the first time or LJ for the first time, the prostitute, I'm guessing. I'm guessing. The one beside him? The zombie prostitute that's laying beside him basically looks like Nicole Richie in zombie makeup.

Piper:

I mean, she kinda does.

Chris:

She did. She looked like Nicole Richie in zombie makeup.

Piper:

As a dead woman, she had more meat on her bones.

Chris:

If if if LJ had sat there long enough, she woulda had more meat in her mouth too. That was not supposed to sound like it sounded. Uh-huh. She was gonna eat him.

Piper:

My my worst actor would had have been like, I wouldn't say she was bad. She just wasn't my favorite character. Like, I can't say she's bad actor since it's the woman who played Terry. Like, I just did not like her character. Her character was annoying.

Piper:

I guess that was the job of her was to be annoying. So it's like, I can't say my worst actor. I would say my least favorite character.

Chris:

Why did you think she was annoying?

Piper:

As you talk, you stopped the same

Chris:

rank there. Yeah.

Piper:

It's one of those things of I don't I don't know. It's just, like, everything she does is just so you know what I mean? Like, this is my Emmy. I've gotta record everything. She's like a modern day like, she reminds me of p if zombie apocalypse happened now, all the bitches and shit who would be on their phones just taking recordings of everything instead of trying to either help or get away.

Chris:

Yeah. I mean, she was destined to be basically eaten.

Piper:

Yeah. So There was

Chris:

no way she was escaping that.

Piper:

She it was like she'd have been like, am I gonna gotta put this on TikTok and tell everybody I've ever met?

Chris:

Yes. She does kinda seem like a a resident evil TikToker. What would that even be?

Piper:

A resident talker?

Chris:

I have no idea.

Piper:

She's a resident ticker.

Chris:

Moving on to the 3rd film in the franchise, resident evil. Seeing as we're trying to double up so we can get in all 6 by the end of, well, October. We missed a week. So

Piper:

That's why we're doubling up more.

Chris:

I say we missed a week. I missed a week. You missed a week. We we both have this issue. Like, we're recording right now.

Chris:

However, every single day this week, something happened. We're like, let's push it till tomorrow. Let's push it till tomorrow. Let's do this tomorrow.

Piper:

This week was on you. One day this week was on me.

Chris:

Oh, no. My week was I I like I said, I was working on promotion thing. So my entire week

Piper:

was promotion. There was a couple days you were walking home. And then, like, there was one day I took a nap because I was just so tired. Like, and I've just been tired.

Chris:

Fair enough. Fair enough.

Piper:

Now I'm starting to sound like Mila. I need a lozenge.

Chris:

I'm so tired.

Piper:

I'm tired.

Chris:

So you wanna give us a synopsis of Resident Evil Extinction?

Piper:

Oh, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. We have to bring up the simple fact that Alice died on a helicopter.

Chris:

Did she?

Piper:

Yes. Did she? Yes. You are not left that that long with your eyes wide open on on rocks around a waterfall or a creek, whatever, and not be dead.

Chris:

Okay. Well,

Piper:

I mean speculation is that, you know, when we see her in the, the the the thing with doctor Isaac's

Chris:

Yes.

Piper:

Is that, it's a new clone.

Chris:

I don't think we're deal I think we just keep dealing with clone after clone, and one clone always ends up being the superior one. I don't think we've dealt with the real Alice in the couple films.

Piper:

No. I have not.

Chris:

Mind you, my brain is also reminding myself that I just watched the 4th installment today, so that's where I'm making that.

Piper:

Well, the thing is, like, you haven't got to the end, so, nope, you are correct in your assumption.

Chris:

You know what? I'm gonna give the brief, brief synopsis.

Piper:

Yeah. That's a brief.

Chris:

Survivors of the Raccoon City catastrophe travel across the Nevada desert hoping to make it to Alaska. Alice joins the caravan and their fight against the evil umbrella corporation. It's not really a synopsis, more of a brief explanation of what we watched at best. Why are they moving to why are they going to Alaska?

Piper:

Why? Why? You're asking me? Yeah. I'm asking you.

Piper:

Because they hear that there is no infection in a place called Arcadia.

Chris:

Arcadia. So what they're doing is they're trying to get from Nevada to Alaska.

Piper:

The funny thing is is, like, you just skip, like, half the movie.

Chris:

It's like, weren't you just in Toronto for that last film? You were already in Canada. Why'd you go to Nevada? I know that was just location shooting. I get it.

Chris:

But

Piper:

Well, they did talk about, like, how it was hot during the day, but cold during the nights when they were filming.

Chris:

And, this wonderful film, Extinction, introduces us to

Piper:

Claire Redfield.

Chris:

And? Come on. The big bad.

Piper:

Ian. Doctor Isaac's.

Chris:

Wesker. Albert Wesker.

Piper:

He wasn't the big bad. No. Well In this film in the in the games, like, he's behind a lot of shit all the way through resident evil 5 until he's finally killed. And this movie, like, he's there, but he's not menacing.

Chris:

In this movie, he is. Well, I'm saying we intro we get introduced to him.

Piper:

Yes. We do. He becomes

Chris:

a little bit more important in the next film.

Piper:

It's like I've got I've got quite a like, I like this movie, but I've also got so many grapes.

Chris:

I think I have more gripes than likes with this film. I I again, with the whole shooting everything in the daytime, it's a zombie film. There's quite a few less zombies, and too many people get killed by zombie crows.

Piper:

Okay. I'm already gonna give you my worst actress for this one, and the sad thing is I love her as a singer. It's Ashanti as Betty.

Chris:

I'm gonna I'm gonna say this. And alright. First of all, I don't hate these movies. I would watch them again in a heartbeat.

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

Alright? I I I give a lot of hate to a lot of things in the movies, but I would watch them again in a heartbeat.

Piper:

Overall, they're enjoyable.

Chris:

That being said, as much as I don't like Zack Ward in the last film, Ashanti in this film?

Piper:

Ashante. Ashante? Ashante.

Chris:

Whatever. However you pronounce her name. I've seen her in a few things. I don't like her as an actress. I really don't.

Piper:

The few things I've seen her in, Buffy, that thing with Ted Duck, whatever that movie was, I mean, it's like she was supposed to play some popular type of girl or whatever and have this type of attitude. It worked for that. Like, she was basically just being herself talking. But in this movie, as a postapocalyptic survivor, it she did not fit at all.

Chris:

She is just the novelty of having a singer as an actress in your film or your TV show or whatever. I don't I've never seen her in something where I enjoyed her performance.

Piper:

She acts across Lady Gaga. Yeah. But

Chris:

it's never her performance that I go, man, that was fucking great. You know? No. It's It's like her first line.

Piper:

You gotta be shitting me. I don't it's like, you don't fit in in this. And it's like, it's nothing about skin color. Because, again, Mike Katz is in this movie. Love him.

Piper:

Right. Like but she just did not fit.

Chris:

I just think the character how however they designed it or planned it out, the character didn't feel like it fit within the story here. It's it's one of those disjointed things that I was talking about. It's like they kinda shoe her, and they're in there. Like, we have her. We wanna have her in this film.

Chris:

How do we put her in this film?

Piper:

And I put her as their medic, and it's like, but why? Was she a registered nurse, an LPN before everything happened? It's like, here's my main problem with extinction is we know nothing about these characters before we meet these like, there's no backstory to these characters once we meet them. It's like when we're when we're hell, we're introduced to Claire Redfield. Most of us who played the games knew that was Chris' little sister.

Piper:

She was in college and when during Raccoon City shit. And now all of a sudden, she's leading a caravan of survivors. How? Why?

Chris:

See, these are questions that I would have had I ever played the actual games that

Piper:

Well, it's not even

Chris:

that. Incarnations. I

Piper:

It's not even that. We're we're going to the next movie. Now I know because of shooting Eragon, Siena Gilroy couldn't come back as Jill for this movie. And it's like but you don't explain what happened to Jill even though we have Carlos there, who was with Jill when Alice apparently just disappeared on them.

Chris:

I think they do that with and and this is,

Piper:

And we also have LJ there.

Chris:

A conversation that I I had heard of another podcast altogether. But they they have this tendency to kind of move on to the next episode with this series and forget large chunks of things that happened from the previous film.

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

So it's like they're just sort of rewriting the story every time they start anew

Piper:

It's like episode. They rewrite the story every time Mila Jovovich says, my name is

Chris:

Alice. My name is Alice. I've mostly forgotten what I've done in the last film due to a concussion. So we are going to go ahead and rewrite it and make this film.

Piper:

But it's like, you know, as a fan of these films, it's just like, I have to ask these questions. Like, okay. You don't and it becomes even more frustrating later, like, in more films. Like, I will have so many gripes when it comes to this kind of shit. Because I'll be like, you're not explaining what happened to these people.

Piper:

It's like, next thing you know, we have more people who were connected to the other people who were not there, but we don't have conversations.

Chris:

You've seen all the other films. Does Jill ever pop back up?

Piper:

Yes.

Chris:

She does. Okay.

Piper:

You already know this.

Chris:

I do?

Piper:

You watched Resident Evil 4, and I told you, watched past the first part of the credits.

Chris:

Was that Jill?

Piper:

That was Battlesuit Jill from Resident Evil 5. She's blonde.

Chris:

Okay. So I didn't know that was Jill. We'll talk about that next

Piper:

Yes, we will. Next week.

Chris:

We'll talk about that next week. We're we're we're skipping way, way ahead now. We're we're we're

Piper:

It's like you asked a question, and so it's like I had to be like, excuse me.

Chris:

This is the first episode within this franchise that basically, you start seeing multiple upon multiple upon multiple palaces.

Piper:

Yes. I won't lie. Like, I actually love the whole beginning of everything. Like, when they're when they're first taking out the people in Tokyo first, I gotta say that intro for I mean, the intro for the movie, great. Like, you're just basically following I mean, following along these people in Tokyo or in Japan, and there's, like, at one point, it's just coming up this woman's leg and everything else.

Piper:

Next thing you know, she eats somebody.

Chris:

Are you talking about the other movie again?

Piper:

Yeah. I am.

Chris:

Okay.

Piper:

I'm a idiot.

Chris:

Yeah.

Piper:

That was actually at the end of Extinction, though.

Chris:

I I don't remember that being at the end of Extinction.

Piper:

Was not? No. See, I've seen way too many of these movies too many times.

Chris:

They blur all bleeding together.

Piper:

They are. Back to extinction.

Chris:

Let's talk about the movie we actually watched. I mean, we've watched a couple of these films already, but we're jumping ahead.

Piper:

Back to extinction.

Chris:

At this point, we might as well just talk about the next film and just make this one episode.

Piper:

I mean, we can. We can, and then we can do 5 and 6 as our own.

Chris:

Is there enough meat on 5 and 6 to make them their own?

Piper:

Yes.

Chris:

There are okay.

Piper:

So There's a lot there's a lot of bitch about number 6.

Chris:

So the chaos at our podcast is I'll tell you what. Today, we're gonna skip the pitch, and we're gonna talk about the next two films seeing as Piper has gone ahead and, like, hey. Guess what happens in the film that we're not watching

Piper:

in this podcast? Okay. But we gotta go back just a little bit because extinction, we're not done with.

Chris:

No. We're not done with extinction.

Piper:

I need a bitch about the simple fact that Mila's running around with kookery, but there's not enough blood or anything else. Like, it was like they cut back on a lot of shit for this film.

Chris:

So far, this is probably one of my favorite outfits for her in the film.

Piper:

I like it. I hate her hair.

Chris:

What?

Piper:

I like her outfit. Hate her hair.

Chris:

You hate the hair?

Piper:

Well, I mean Hate her hair.

Chris:

She's in the desert.

Piper:

How would you expect her hair to be? It makes sense, like, grown, just growing. But, I mean, if she wants to keep it short, it it would look choppy as fuck because she's probably cutting her herself with a kookery. Right. So, I mean, like, I'm not saying, like, I hate the hairstyle.

Piper:

I'm not saying that her hairstyle doesn't make sense.

Chris:

This movie, the Extinction started off and it ticked me off because it confused me. So I put the disc in to watch Extinction.

Piper:

Oh.

Chris:

And I'm sitting here, like, what the fuck's going on? Like, did I put the right disc in? So I stopped it and I pulled it out. And I'm like, no. This is extinction.

Chris:

So I'm watching, and I'm like, why is this and they decided to basically recreate part of the beginning of the last film, like, the situation and put Alice through the same basic beginning situation.

Piper:

They put the clothes through. Yeah. To see if they react the same.

Chris:

Right.

Piper:

So he's, like

Chris:

Basically, it's, Isaac's testing the Alice's that he's

Piper:

When I first started watching that, I had the same issue as you did, but then I noticed something. And it's probably sad that I noticed this.

Chris:

Okay.

Piper:

When she's standing in the mirror and you get a back shot of her, you don't see her nipple when she turns to the side to grab a robe or whatever. You do not see her nipple because there's a lot less nudity for her in this one.

Chris:

How did I miss nipples?

Piper:

I don't know because you love Milia Jovovich.

Chris:

There was no nipples there, so that's how I miss nipples, actually.

Piper:

Exactly. But it's like she it's like you see her nipples later, of course, like, when you're seeing the clones in the bubbles. Right. Although I don't think that was technically her nipples. I think that was just, like, CGI type thing.

Piper:

Well, I think that pose and everything.

Chris:

Technically, based off of the last film and that that bubble scene at at the end of, what is it, after, not afterlife, apocalypse. No. They had a scene where she was in the bubble Oh, yeah.

Piper:

Like, you saw her nipples and everything there.

Chris:

So I feel knowing that they were gonna continue the film, it's possible that they asked her to go through several more motions while still doing that scene so that when they do the next movie, basically, they've got all they need already filmed for the next film.

Piper:

And they could just, like, post it there and, like, do multiples?

Chris:

Because I can imagine that Mila herself was probably a high budget actress, you know,

Piper:

being cast one. Like, she became more of a high budget when it came to Resident Evil.

Chris:

And with the first, what, 4 films all being around the same budget,

Piper:

they were

Chris:

around 45,000 45,000,000 each incarnation, am

Piper:

I right? That is true. That is true.

Chris:

I I'm I'm looking I'm gonna go look up afterlife in just a second, but I believe

Piper:

it's Wait. Don't look up afterlife because I wanna tell you something about it.

Chris:

Well, I'm not I'm not looking to add anything other than just the the basic budget for afterlife. So let's see. Was that that is what we watched. That was number 4, afterlife Yes. I'm not mistaken.

Piper:

Afterlife is 4.

Chris:

I was just looking at the basic oh, no. Actually, Afterlife got a, step up of 15,000,000 for their budget.

Piper:

So There's a reason why.

Chris:

And what was the reason why?

Piper:

They it's the first Resident Evil movie shot in 3 d.

Chris:

Oh, yeah. I could see that. We'll go we'll get into that in a couple. I I could understand where some of that 3 d came from.

Piper:

It was also why it was the highest grossing Resident Evil movie to date.

Chris:

Extinction, it was less about the zombies and more about them getting from point a to point b across the desert and honing in on where Wesker and Isaacs were.

Piper:

Well, their main point was that Alice didn't know about Wesker.

Chris:

No. She didn't.

Piper:

Her main point was to find Isaacs and finish it. I found it funny when, the white king queen introduces introduces herself, and then she's like, I knew your sister. She was a homicidal bitch. Anytime they refer to the red queen, she's a homicidal bitch.

Chris:

Oh, she was.

Piper:

Yeah. I mean, they're not wrong.

Chris:

But, I mean, she was doing it mainly to protect humanity, if you think about it. She was trying to keep whatever was in there from getting out. True. So she did her job. She did it fairly effectively.

Chris:

They managed to outsmart her and basically fuck everything straight to hell.

Piper:

Let's see.

Chris:

Okay.

Piper:

I think I I loved Ellie Lauter.

Chris:

I think Ellie Lauter is, highly underused as an action actress.

Piper:

I think it's one of these things. It's like she kinda proved herself in this movie. Of course, there was more shots of Mila doing everything, of course. But, it's like it's well, I'll talk more about Ali in the next one.

Chris:

I was gonna say she she proved herself more in the the next film, not necessarily this one. Right. She established herself in this film as a presence, but didn't quite have as much action.

Piper:

Because it's like I think she has an absence from a film, and I think it's because she was doing heroes.

Chris:

Right. Well, I mean, she did pretty damn good in heroes too.

Piper:

I've never watched heroes.

Chris:

She is a great action actress, and she's kind of underutilized. I don't know why she doesn't get enough play, but I've always liked her.

Piper:

I love Ellie Lauter. Like, first time I saw her was Legally Blonde, and then I saw her in, Final Destination.

Chris:

Now I'm trying to remember the name of the damn movie, and I'm gonna I'm gonna kick myself in the ass for not remembering it.

Piper:

Wasn't she also in house on or there was a haunted or, it was a scary movie she did that she also, I think I wanna say Bridgette Wilson's Sampras was also in it.

Chris:

I believe it was house on haunted hell. I think that's what it was called. Right?

Piper:

I don't know if she was in that one. It might have been.

Chris:

If I'm not

Piper:

mistaken. Looking it up.

Chris:

Go ahead and look it up.

Piper:

I am looking it up.

Chris:

I'm trying to look up a film that has we're both sitting here trying to look up films. I'm trying to look up the this so I've known her. The first movie that stuck out in my brain involving Ellie Lauter was this film where basically she comes oh god. I can't remember the name. I think it's is it varsity blues?

Chris:

Varsity blues.

Piper:

She was in varsity blues.

Chris:

Where she comes out in the the whipped cream bikini?

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

Yeah. Which gets spoofed in not another teen movie.

Piper:

And Chris Evan comes out with a banana split. A banana sticking right out of his ass.

Chris:

But thank you, Ali Lawther, for the hilarious spoof of your semi nudity.

Piper:

But, yeah, she was in House on Haunted Hill with Bridgette Wilson Sampras, and I used to get them too confused. And it wasn't because they look completely alike. It's just like I was, like, when I was younger. Two blondes. I knew one of them played Sonya Blade in the mortal in 1990 5's Mortal Kombat, but I'm just like, 2 blondes.

Chris:

Yeah. No. She's done a lot of decent films. She was in Final Destination

Piper:

That's it, man.

Chris:

Couple of those. Right? Yo. No. You did.

Piper:

She's in front of Destination 1 and 2.

Chris:

And I'm over here just looking over a whole bunch of things that I've never seen before. She was in Jan's silent Bob's, Strike Back. You're not you. Crazy. Lovesick.

Chris:

Giving it up. The man in the white van. Okay. These are a bunch of films that I have never even heard of before, so I'm gonna move on.

Piper:

I'm like, why are we getting her IMDB?

Chris:

Ally Lauder has star power. She's just underutilized altogether. And I'm not sure if she'd be utilized at this point because I don't know. She's fallen into relative obscurity at this point. She's done memorable stuff.

Chris:

People remember her for things. But as far as any recent performances, there's not a lot out there outside of what obsessed I believe there was a movie that she did alongside of Beyonce.

Piper:

Yeah. It was obsessed.

Chris:

And, she played basically

Piper:

I never saw it.

Chris:

The white girl going after Beyonce's husband, and it became

Piper:

I love how you didn't say it the other way. She's the white girl going after the black man who's a husband of a black woman. She crazy? Why this crazy?

Chris:

Not for nothing. I've met a lot more, crazy white bitches than anything else.

Piper:

Hello. Hi.

Chris:

I'm good friends with a couple.

Piper:

Okay. Yep. Hello. Hi. Hi.

Chris:

You're crazy. Nico's crazy. You're all fucking crazy.

Piper:

Who like but besides me, I would put Ally, Ally Lauder is my favorite actress in this movie.

Chris:

Okay. So we're we're picking up favorite actors and actresses at this point?

Piper:

Yeah. Because it's like I thought Claire was great, although I did not like how she didn't have a backstory. All we see is her with a group of survivors because this leads me into a complaint for the next movie anyway. But it's like, that's all we know about her. And then she has red hair, and her name last name is Redfield.

Piper:

It's like, originally, Claire was actually brunette.

Chris:

So I I like, Joe Hurlsley as Otto. I really did like him in this film.

Piper:

Yeah. You just don't see him enough.

Chris:

You don't see him enough. I I'm I'm gonna lean on it again. I know that we've I had him for my last film, but I I think, doctor Isaac's there. Ian Glenn is still my favorite in this film. Ian?

Chris:

Ian. Ian. Ian Glenn? Ian. Ian.

Chris:

Ian. Ian Glenn? Ian. Look, I have no ability to pronounce even the most simple names.

Piper:

Apparently, Ian totally went to Ian all of a sudden.

Chris:

You're you're lucky that I've never mispronounced your name.

Piper:

I'm shocked I had it been called pipper. Peeper? Pet? Ian? I am Christ.

Piper:

Next time I meet an Ian, I'm gonna like, hello, Ian.

Chris:

Hello. I'm Christ. This is Peter, and, this is cinematic anarchy. Yeah. I I am just shitty at pronouncing things in general, and a lot of that has to do with, I got a lot of bad roadwork here from having lived in Georgia for a long time, and, so I'm Go tripping over my tongue quite a bit.

Piper:

I am glad we we actually agree on the same worst actor in this movie.

Chris:

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Piper:

Good old Chauncey. Like I said, I love her music. But

Chris:

As a musician, fucking fantastic. As an actress, I'm glad she got paid.

Piper:

That's Shit. It's like, bitch, we're glad you were there just for the paycheck.

Chris:

It's like, we'll okay. Look. We're we're watching the, the dailies here, and we've seen what you can do, and we're gonna keep you in the film. Alright. However, you'll find that the check that you tried to deposit into the bank about 30 minutes ago, it's gonna bounce.

Chris:

It's not that we don't have the money. We just don't have the money for you.

Piper:

Well, it's like if you even look at her death scene, it wasn't good. No. Like, the way she's, like, scrolling across the the back glass of the bus, it's like, that didn't even look good. And the sad thing is the CGI of the wires and the CGI of the birds look better than your death.

Chris:

Like, I know what she did. She sacrificed herself to try to take out some of the

Piper:

The birds and and keep the kids safe. Right. However And she was like, I'm already bitten and pecked. I'm not gonna survive.

Chris:

You're a hero. You're a horrible actress. You're a hero.

Piper:

Your character your character was a hero, but I'm glad your character died.

Chris:

I okay. And, Ashante, if you actually sit down and listen to this,

Piper:

I Ashante?

Chris:

Ashante. I look. I I will say it the way that I say it.

Piper:

Chris, you're the one who tells us to call you out for shit.

Chris:

Yeah. It's fine.

Piper:

Ashante.

Chris:

Ashante. Look. That's that's how I hear it. No. Ashanti.

Piper:

There you go.

Chris:

There you go. I did it. Yeah.

Piper:

You did

Chris:

it. Well, I I I like I said, I like your your musical performances. I like you as a musician, as a singer. I'm just I'm glad that you stopped trying to dip your toe in the the acting pool. I really am.

Chris:

Because I don't I don't want for people that I truly enjoy, if I really enjoy your music and you decide to become an actor and or actress and you do a horrible job of it, that taints my opinion of you in the other areas of your profession. If

Piper:

they do that, that taints my taint.

Chris:

Transversely, if you're a great actor and or actress and you decide to become a musician, you know who I'm talking about, Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy, Don Johnson.

Piper:

This Shut your mouth. No. Just kidding.

Chris:

Oh, yeah.

Piper:

I'm talking about, Eddie Murphy as Raspusia if Raspusia had heard this shit. You shut your mouth.

Chris:

Yeah. No. Just this I will forever remember Party All the Time as a song that he did.

Piper:

However to party all the time, party all the time, party all the time.

Chris:

However, just some people just because you can make an album does not mean you should make an album. Especially, just because you can act in a movie does not mean you should act in a movie.

Piper:

Are you trying to call me out? I'm kidding. I'm

Chris:

kidding. Woah. Woah. No. That's not

Piper:

I know. That took a big jump.

Chris:

Alright. Resident Evil extinction, what would you say worst scenes, best scenes in the film?

Piper:

Worst scene?

Chris:

Worst scenes.

Piper:

Betty's death.

Chris:

Betty's death is the worst scene for you. Why? It sucked.

Piper:

Like, it just, like, it just there are plenty of people who died during that shit, and why is hers the one I'm noticing the most? Because it was so bad. Like, there's other people I could feel bad for. Otto being one of them. He got a really quick death scene from a bunch of birds, and then it's like hers is dragged across the screen.

Chris:

I wouldn't have thought that you would have thought that her death was the worst scene in that film. Like, I It's the

Piper:

one that's hardest to watch.

Chris:

It's one of those things where you're like, oh my god. She's dead. Yeah. Okay. No.

Chris:

It's just But

Piper:

it's it's fear. My problem is is not that I'm not, like, happy that her character's dead. It's the simple fact it takes away from everybody else's dead, like, Otto and everything else because it was just not believable.

Chris:

It was it was there was too much focus on it. They could have just had these birds go in and devour her in

Piper:

Alaska. See is, like, a bunch of birds hear her scream, and that would have been better.

Chris:

All you needed. Yeah. That's all you needed in that scene. You didn't have to have her pressed up against the glass. You didn't have to have any of that.

Piper:

Right. It's like, for Otto, all we see is him get chased out of the bus by birds and pet to death, and then it's over, like, almost at an instant. And I'm like, but, Otto was, like, a much more likable character. Like, you actually got to know him a little bit.

Chris:

I liked Otto. I feel like, the actor himself, I think he has a a bit of an accent he was fighting off in that film, if I'm not mistaken.

Piper:

I don't even know if he was actually trying to fight it off.

Chris:

No. He he he kinda had sort of a, I wanna say, like, an Irish or or Scottish accent.

Piper:

I'm actually about to look him up.

Chris:

I think it was just sort of he he was trying to Americanize it just a little bit, and I think he got little undertones of his accent while he was doing his performance. So he basically became the Zack Ward of this film, where he was trying to do an American accent and keep his accent under wraps, whereas Zack Ward was doing the Slavic accent and keeping the American accent under wraps.

Piper:

His name is Joe Hirsley, and he was born in Austin, Texas.

Chris:

Oh my god. It sounded like he had some kind of accent lingering under there, and it was not the accent

Piper:

that he's not. Detect that kind of accent.

Chris:

Why did I think that he was like that bothers me so much now. That bothers me. Like, I thought I honestly thought that he was alright. Never mind. I'm I'm just gonna shut my mouth.

Piper:

Are you, though?

Chris:

Wow. I I misinterpreted that all over. I really did.

Piper:

Jeez.

Chris:

I I'm surprised. I am genuinely surprised at myself. I might be mistaking him with someone else, and I'll go and look it up later because I'm not gonna try to hunt it down right now because he looks similar to somebody that might have that accent.

Piper:

Peter Dinklage?

Chris:

No. He does does not look like Peter Dinklage.

Piper:

He kinda does. Like, he's he's just like a full grown version of Peter Dinklage. And I don't mean to say it like that.

Chris:

Peter Dinklage. Jeez.

Piper:

He cut his ass.

Chris:

What on Earth? Wow. That was I am sorry, Peter Dinklage. What are you doing? Hey.

Piper:

Hey. Peter Dinklage is a great actor.

Chris:

Peter Dinklage, you look like this full grown man over here. What the heck is it?

Piper:

What I meant facial features. Jesus.

Chris:

But you just said he looked like a full grown version of Peter Dinklage. Those are the exact words that came out of your mouth.

Piper:

Okay. I'm awful. I admit that.

Chris:

I am dying over here, and I can't be laughing this much. Okay. You know what? The jacket's coming off. It's it's coming off because the air conditioning's off, and I'm starting to sweat my ass off, and I'm stuck.

Piper:

Oh, no. Mister, this jacket makes me look smaller. The jacket's not small. Next thing, no. An hour later, I'm stuck.

Chris:

When I'm saying that it made me look smaller, I'm not talking, like, thinner. I felt made it it made me feel short for some reason.

Piper:

I'm just over here laughing. The jacket's not small, and then an hour later, I'm stuck. I

Chris:

basically straight jacketed myself, hands behind my back. It was not a good thing for all of, like, 5 seconds. I'm out. I'm free.

Piper:

I'm stuck.

Chris:

Favorite scene in the film?

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

I've got a couple. I've got a couple. But first thing

Piper:

I I like the whole I like the whole series of scenes at the beginning of the movie. Like, the Alice clone going through the hive, the fake hive, like, putting it through the chest. Like, I like the whole series thing. It's like because when they killed her or I thought she was dead, I was just like, oh, what?

Chris:

Up to having her body dumped into a pit of other Alices.

Piper:

Right. Right. That's when I got

Chris:

That is, one of my favorites. Another one of my favorites is the fire in the sky scene where they take out the birds.

Piper:

Oh, where she uses, like, her telekinesis to do it?

Chris:

Basically, yes.

Piper:

Her psychic abilities?

Chris:

I thought that was fairly interesting. I I liked how they shot that. It didn't feel as out of place as some special effects have felt in this series so far.

Piper:

No. It's not the special effects. It's the whole Alice having supernatural abilities things for me. It's like I get it. We did start seeing it at the end of apocalypse where she was able to make a guy bleed from his orifices just by looking through a camera.

Chris:

It only gets worse as as we go along. They've taken this movie that had basically human or I I wanna say, if I'm not mistaken, in the game series, nobody ever ends up with, like, superhuman powers like this.

Piper:

Some of them actually do.

Chris:

Do they?

Piper:

I mean, it's not to the extent they put in the movie.

Chris:

Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, to this extent, though, like, they've turned her into, like, a superhuman character.

Piper:

They've turned her into a witch.

Chris:

I know that they they corrected it to a point, but that's neither here nor there. So I just I don't like the the idea that they basically turned her into a superhuman character for whatever reason.

Piper:

Yeah.

Chris:

I liked Alice sort of as the grounded human infected with the t virus. I guess based off of how abominable some of the other creatures have become to have her as a human imbued with superhuman powers in contrast was kind of good?

Piper:

Well, it's like to have her imbued where she can take more hits, like it's like if you think about it as a RPG, like, she can do more damage. She could take more hits kinda thing. It's like she's a little more badass or has, like, a little bit more agility type thing than your average human. That seemed fine. That was dandy.

Piper:

That was great. And then next thing you know, it's like okay. So if I if I went back to apocalypse and was thinking about the whole guy, like, bleeding out of his orifices, whatever, it's like maybe if she was emitting a high pitched sound that would make him do that Right. That would've actually made more sense for her mutation rather than it being, like, a psychic ability type shit.

Chris:

Not security guard looks through camera. Alice looks at camera. Security guard bleeds. You know?

Piper:

It's like like I said, like, if she was emitting a high pitched sound, that would sound more like a mutation from her t virus thing because it's coming from her body, not some type of psychic shit. It's like you went from that to turning her into, like, a telekinetic and all this other shit type of witch from any other type of series or movie.

Chris:

It makes me wonder why she couldn't just do that instead of the approach she took with a lot of different things. Yeah. Like, did she have to physically find Wesker? Did she have to physically find, what, doctor Isaac's?

Piper:

Well, it's like well, hell, if you think about the way she did it, it's like, because she and not have saved every, almost every person in Vegas when she first got to the terminal thing that held them, like, that canister thing.

Chris:

Right.

Piper:

Like, she could've, like, seismic waved that whole fucking shit.

Chris:

Is the gentleman bot dying in the background there alright?

Piper:

I don't know. I'm not downstairs.

Chris:

I hear somebody that sounds like they're half dying.

Piper:

Yes. But I can't tell them to shut up. This is their place.

Chris:

Oh, okay.

Piper:

I don't own this place. I can't tell them to be like, be quiet. I'm recording like you can't. I rent room I rent these rooms.

Chris:

I can't tell the people to drive by my window on a daily basis with their motorcycles and, cars that have loud mufflers, but definitely do not have them attached to cars that sound like they should have loud mufflers. Yeah. Like, they they almost every car that drives by that has that that glass back or whatever. I I I don't understand what the I'm not a car person. I'm a moving person.

Chris:

I know shit about cars. But you have all these cars that are like, okay. I know

Piper:

you spent I know cars that are shit.

Chris:

I know you spent a lot of money on how your car sounds, but did you look at your car before you did that? Like, you don't wanna draw attention to the fact that you're driving a shit box. Yeah. You know? Your muffler didn't fall off, so, obviously, you either put a hole in it or you did something to it.

Piper:

We need to do something real quick.

Chris:

Sure. What do you need to do?

Piper:

Resident Evil Apocalypse. Apologize. Through 11.

Chris:

Oh, yeah. We never rated, Resident Evil Apocalypse 1 through 11. Resident Evil Apocalypse, I'm probably gonna lean on the side of maybe a 6 at best.

Piper:

I'll give it a 6.5.

Chris:

You're gonna give it a 6.5? Mhmm. This would you said that Resident Evil Apocalypse is one of your favorites in the series.

Piper:

It's one of my favorites in the series. It's not my favorite in the series. One of.

Chris:

So as one of your favorites, this gets a 6.5.

Piper:

Yes. Because there's certain things I hate about it. Nemesis becoming good, Alice becoming a witch.

Chris:

Something seems wrong with that for some reason. Okay. And, so extinction.

Piper:

I think it's a 4.

Chris:

On a scale from 1 through 11, 4. Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna go right there with you. I it's not, like, bottom of the barrel, but I'll give it about a a a 3a half to a 4 only because this is the one that made me go, do I really wanna watch the other 3 films?

Piper:

It was me who told you, like, you know, Resident Evil 4 was a I mean, like, Afterlife was a good turning point. There's a lot of things for me to gripe about about, but it's a good turning point.

Chris:

I have my I mean, I have my gripes about Afterlife too, but it it was definitely made me wanna go watch the other 2 films because I was ready to give up after extinction. Like, I don't I don't know. I I like that we ended with more Alice's, and and I I'm a little disappointed that they didn't pay Bjork for army of me, for that because that really would've fit.

Piper:

I, I, Resident Evil, when we get to it, retribution is good.

Chris:

Well, we haven't gotten there yet. Right now, based off of the fact that we have inadvertently slipped and, talked about it a little bit. We're gonna go ahead and watch or talk about the fact that we just watched today.

Piper:

That's right.

Chris:

We watched resident evil afterlife. We skipped around so much. Well, it's not your bad because let's let's be wholeheartedly honest. The reason why you kind of attributed some of those things from afterlife to the last film was because of the fact that there wasn't enough to attribute to the last film.

Piper:

Well, no. That wasn't my reason. It was an accident.

Chris:

It was an accident, but it was it was an understandable one based off of how little we had to say about that film. Well side of ouch.

Piper:

See, but now, like, I'm thinking in my head. It's like, okay. Now I know why I melded those 2 films because it's actually 4 and some other stuff from a later one that are actually melded with that scene.

Chris:

Like and this is entirely honest here. We we you've you're listening. Anybody that's listening to this at this point, we spent almost our entire discussion of resident evil Extinction talking about how bad Ashanti was in it.

Piper:

Yes. Almost all the time. Bad Ashanti was.

Chris:

Ashanti.

Piper:

Thank you. Ashanti.

Chris:

Ashanti. Ashen t. I don't know.

Piper:

I don't know. I have to give props to Linda Nastry, though, the cowboy in extinction as well.

Chris:

There were good points to the movie. There were. But if you noticed, we moved on to afterlife. We've already moved on, and it was because of the fact that we're like we gave that a a 4 and a 3.5 because this is not the best film in the franchise by

Piper:

No. It's not.

Chris:

By a long stretch.

Piper:

So back to that opening of Resident Evil retro I mean, Afterlife. It was a great opening.

Chris:

Which we've already talked about.

Piper:

Yes.

Chris:

So, yeah, I do like the opening to the film where you're basically winding your way up the the

Piper:

The lady's legs and stuff. She's Japan. She's Japanese.

Chris:

Japanese girl. Sorry. This is in Tokyo. And she just has this vacant look on her face.

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

And then one guy

Piper:

With an umbrella. Crowd

Chris:

notices her, yeah, with an umbrella, notices her, and she starts to slowly look at him. And as soon as they lock eyes, she lunges. And now the apocalypse is in Tokyo.

Piper:

I think it's just funny. It's like it's like you see him you see her lunge. You see them on the ground, and all of a sudden, it's just like, bleh. It bleds out of the mouth. It was just all of a sudden bleh.

Chris:

But, I mean, this this and I'm not gonna I'm not gonna sugarcoat this. This this film and the multiple Alice's is probably my favorite part of it.

Piper:

I actually loved it, like but I also, like, loved I loved all of her clones' hair.

Chris:

Like, I like that you see one clone, and one of the clones get killed, and she goes, no. That's no way to treat a lady. Hey, boys.

Piper:

That's no way to

Chris:

treat a lady.

Piper:

But did you notice, like, if you watch the clones and everything, you have to watch their feet because it's like I think they, jump cut so much is that you notice that at one point, a clone could be wearing heels, next to next point, that same clone not wearing heels.

Chris:

I'll be it that there was a lot of, confusion in that particular beginning because you're basically have an army of dominatrix dressed Alices with katana blades on their back, basically, fighting through the Tokyo base of the Umbrella Corporation.

Piper:

Yep.

Chris:

And it has always been my feeling, like, I think they should look at the movies and make large open world games based off of the base structure for, like, the one, like, in in, the original film and in this film. Like, those bases, those underground bases, they should just make as a game for the franchise. But

Piper:

Well, I mean, let's not forget that those, things that you're talking about were already in the games. The hive was already in the first game because it was under the mansion.

Chris:

Yes.

Piper:

I love how you darting away. Your eyes, like, you look down, but I could see them darting. It's like, yeah. Oh, did I just get caught? Yeah.

Chris:

You're also you're also talking to a guy apparently that hasn't played it since it was on the Nintendo, which it wasn't on the Nintendo. It was

Piper:

on the PlayStation. The Nintendo was on the Resident Evil system. Like Oh, no. Wait. It wasn't even the Resident Evil system.

Piper:

It was on the Resident Evil system.

Chris:

If this is where somebody starts listening to this podcast immediately, they're like, look, man. I'm an hour and a half in, and we just wanna know, is this guy okay?

Piper:

Well, it's it's only an hour and 21 minutes.

Chris:

Has he had his medication? It's time for grandpa to take a nap. There's something wrong there.

Piper:

Grandpa did find his spectacles, though. You can see that when y'all watch this.

Chris:

It's a lot easier to look at. Like, I can see myself better now. It's When

Piper:

he doesn't have his glasses, it's a total jinkies fest.

Chris:

Actually, I think I trip on my tongue a hell of a lot less with my glasses off. This may be my this may be, like, the how to, yeah, take them off. This is my where my superpower's in. Oh, wow. Shit.

Chris:

Okay. Putting them back on. There we go.

Piper:

But I did, like, everything aside, it's like, it's the first time I noticed that, Mila Jovovich has a severe widow's peak.

Chris:

Well, her hair was, like, tied back. All the clones had their hair tied back.

Piper:

Yes. But as we could see where her hairline is, and her widow's peak is, like, a lot deeper than mine, and I was born with other parts.

Chris:

She just has more forehead

Piper:

than

Chris:

most, which is fine. She's got a 5 head. Is that what is that what it is?

Piper:

Bitch got 10 head.

Chris:

Oh.

Piper:

But I can't really say anything. I mean, Allison Hannigan for who played Willow and Buffy, she also had a, like, a really deep widow's Willow's widow's peak.

Chris:

Some I don't think I wouldn't call it okay. Yeah. Maybe widow's peak, whatever. But I

Piper:

I That's what they're called.

Chris:

Some people should not pull their hair back into tight ponytails.

Piper:

Right. Well, it's like I can't really bitch about it with Mila. I mean, she is Scandinavian.

Chris:

I was focused too much on everything else. I wasn't looking at her hair.

Piper:

I do love, like, their minor details, like, in that first scene, though, like, when she's spinning on the wall and the the bullet, like, breaks the katana blade.

Chris:

This film this film tried so hard to be the matrix. So fucking hard to be the matrix.

Piper:

I would guide the matrix for me.

Chris:

The guy that plays Wesker tried so hard to be mister was it mister Smith? Is that what his name is?

Piper:

I just told you those movies bored me.

Chris:

Yeah. He he was like mister Smith from those films was unanimated to begin with, but he moved. Like, he could move. And just the the casual disinterest in every single movement at the beginning of this or not the beginning. The end of the film, that final battle

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

Between her and Wesker, all the casual disinterest. Just like she throw she kicks the blades at him, and he just kinda just kinda looks at it very casually.

Piper:

Well, you're sitting here trying to compare him to another movie, but that's Wesker in the games. That's Wesker. Because you gotta look at this. They're going off a a game you haven't played from Resident Evil 5.

Chris:

Okay.

Piper:

Like, his actions from that is what they're going off based off of is how he's, like, how his characters evolved into Resident Evil 5, the game.

Chris:

Like, he had points where he moved impossibly slow to avoid bullets, and then he had points where he moved impossibly fast.

Piper:

He was never imposs well, they slowed things down to show the bullets because if you look at the, I know we're jumping around here. The whole battle scene between him, Chris, and Claire Right. Is a shot for shot thing done from a battle with Albert Wesker, Chris Redfield, and Sheva Alomar from Resident Evil 5.

Chris:

My point my point being and I know I haven't played the game, and I apologize. I'll play them so that I can actually have a frame of reference for some of this. But when they slowed things down so much to show that he was able to avoid bullets, blades, whatever, They slowed him down. Alright? They should have kept him at the at at a regular rate of speed to move out of the way of things.

Chris:

Right? Like, he should have been able to move back, move to the side, whatever. Like, he looked like he was physically dodging. He does not also need to look like he is stuck in the mire.

Piper:

Well, it's they The way they shot it is like they shot everything slow to show all of it happening at once. Right. Because they already showed him going fast.

Chris:

Like, I see it right. They already showed him going fast, which means that if you slow down time to show the bullets going by or him moving past something, he would have been moving at the regular rate that everybody else was moving.

Piper:

I think it was awesome.

Chris:

Like, everything else would have been slowed down around him, and he would have been just kinda casually walking through, moving around. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. I got this.

Piper:

That's, like, the one thing. I cannot bitch about that whole saying.

Chris:

Okay. That's my that that's one of my biggest gripes in the entire movie. So, like

Piper:

My biggest gripe in the whole entire movie. Alice is able to kick 1 piece I mean, 1 big shot of glass into a dog that's falling, and she didn't get cut by any of it?

Chris:

Well, I mean, she didn't take her shoes off afterwards, so we don't know.

Piper:

I'm talking about she didn't get she didn't get cut by any of the falling pieces, but she was able to kick that one piece out of all the falling pieces around her.

Chris:

Okay. Okay. That's, a little less believable than some of the un unbelievable stuff that also happened in this film.

Piper:

Well, this film also has my gripe of what happened to characters after you have a connection with characters.

Chris:

This film also was one of the points where they lean hard past the zombies and make it more of an action sci fi film than a zombie horror film.

Piper:

Well, you also gotta think about, like, they're trying to, they were trying to add more things in there without actually explaining in the first three films, you have an explanation for, like, why the zombies are zombies. Just the the, carbaros because apparently that's, found out that's how you're actually supposed to say, the dogs' names in the zombie dogs in the original Resident Evil with Cerberus, like the original Greek saying, although we say Cerberus. But, like, you get an explanation for all those beings down there, including the liquor, which is the big bad in Resident Evil, the first Resident Evil movie. Then you have an explanation for nemesis and all the zombies and everything because all the zombies were lit up from the hive, and that's what created the the hordes. It's like, Resident Evil 3, we have an explanation for the Resident Emmett for the, super mutant zombies because they were infected with the clone's bloods and such and how, doctor Isaac's got to be how he is.

Piper:

All of a sudden, we have an execution we have the Mejani from Resident Evil 5 and everything. It's, like, mutations and shit, but they don't tell you how. And the executioner Mejani, where the fuck did he come from? The pyramid ahead of this movie.

Chris:

That's what I that's what I thought at first. Like, again, I haven't gotten to play a lot of these Resident Evil films.

Piper:

You haven't played the Resident Evil films?

Chris:

I haven't played the well, I haven't played the last 2 Resident Evil films. I haven't watched those yet. I can't go back and really correct what I just said. I haven't played the games. So I remember playing 12, and I think a little bit of nemesis.

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

But it's so far back in my memory that I can't really latch onto it as a as something that I can compare anything to. And I certainly have not played 5.

Piper:

Well, it's like you had Resident Evil 4, the gang, which dealt with the Las Plagues virus. Or Right. Las Plagues, is a parasite. And then in Roset Eagle 5, we have the Mezoni, which is the ones that have these, like, spinning tentacles coming out of their mouth. I was like, it's the same thing that is the reason why the dogs all of a sudden split in half.

Chris:

Oh, okay.

Piper:

And why Wesker was doing this, and it's all because of the, something called ouroboros, and that's in the games, never explained in the fucking movies. No. I can't remember. In the movie, in the games, it was not you weren't dealing with zombies either that were that had this going on. You were dealing with people who were infected with an actual, like, parasite thing.

Chris:

So, yeah, when I said pyramid head, comparing this this, executioner zombie, to pyramid head, it's because I played the, Silent Hill games, like all of them.

Piper:

See, See, I haven't played any of those, but I know who Pyramid Head is because I did watch the movie.

Chris:

And the big problem and I think this is where, we have the disconnect. Are are they coming to get the guy that was hacking and coughing on your floor just a few moments ago?

Piper:

No. I was trying to mute my mic because all of a sudden I heard it. I was like, maybe if I just whoop.

Chris:

Right. You muted your mic. Right? And now it's picking up every ounce of sound around you. Like, it takes a second for noise cancellation to kick in, I noticed.

Chris:

Like, yo Sorry. It's okay. I don't care. I'm just saying. But I think that the problem with the Resident Evil films, only as I've seen them so far, is that if you haven't physically played the games

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

Half this stuff is not explained to the satisfaction of a person that has no frame of reference in the games.

Piper:

Well, I can only say that up to this one.

Chris:

Okay. Like

Piper:

So they give you explanation and everything for, like, the first three of, like, how some things are it's like some of the characters could be a little bit fleshed out. But, like, as far as where things are going, how they happen, and why it's like, what Infection did what, They did great for the first three films. This one, like I said, Johnny Executioner. Where the fuck did he come from? All the like, also, let's also let's also, get that elephant in the room.

Piper:

They switched actors for, Albert Wesker from 3 to 5, 4. Right? Because Sean Roberts plays them in 4.

Chris:

Well, I I like I like this version a little bit better.

Piper:

Oh, so do I. There's a lot of things I would shut up, Piper. Sean Roberts is sexy.

Chris:

I do I like Sean Roberts in this. I just don't he's got the snarky attitude. He's got the attitude downright. It's just Mhmm. And that's the biggest gripe that I had in the film is that if you're going to do bullet time stuff, you're not supposed to necessarily slow the actor themselves down to a crawl.

Chris:

Because he's supposed to be able to move at super speed. That's, like, his thing, basically. So that's his little superpower is invulnerability and the speed. You need to end this is, mind you, before they did a lot of the recent Flash movies, Flash television show, yada yada yada. But that person should be moving at a regular pace while people are slowed down around him to show that he is moving at a higher rate of speed than they are.

Chris:

When you slow him down to dodge the bullet as well, it makes it look like, okay. Well, why is he moving so slowly? He just showed that he can move around, like, zip around all over the place to the point that you lose him in certain points.

Piper:

I had a complaint, and then you made me forget.

Chris:

I have a tendency to do that with my long rambling diatribes. I do that.

Piper:

It's like I had it in my head. I had it in my head. I was like, oh, fuck. It's slipping. It's slipping.

Piper:

It's gone.

Chris:

It's like, I think my son explains it as, like, you know, sometimes you'll get into something bad, and I wanna let you talk. But then you talk so much you temporarily put my brain to sleep. And then when I wake up, I forgot what I was gonna say. So maybe you'll remember

Piper:

Wait. Is that what happened to me?

Chris:

I have no idea. We were talking about Shawn Roberts, and we're talking about Wesker.

Piper:

Yes. But I had a complaint.

Chris:

You had a complaint? Oh, there's plenty to complain about.

Piper:

Oh, oh, I know what it was. Wentworth Wentworth Miller as Chris Redfield. Not believable for me.

Chris:

That was your complaint? I liked him.

Piper:

I I like him as an actor, and, like, his it's actually that's not my real complaint. Like, it was it's something else to do with him. Well, to do with Chris Redfield. All of a sudden, Chris I mean, Chris and Claire are brother and sister in the game series and everything. This is the one place that they reunite after everything that's happened over the years.

Piper:

This is the one place that you reunite. It just it did not make sense. Like, it was not a connection for me.

Chris:

I mean, why do you

Piper:

chemistry was well, their chemistry together wasn't even brother and sisterly to me. Like, they just didn't I get it. She's supposed to have amnesia, but even as they go on, like, their chemistry is just not there.

Chris:

Yeah. Even the whole side by side, like, Boondock Saints shooting of Wesker at the end Mhmm. Like, they didn't feel like they were connected at all. It's like

Piper:

No. There were just 2 they were just 2 actors who were paid to be there.

Chris:

Hey, brother. Hey, sister. Let's, yes. Mhmm. Are you sure you're my brother?

Chris:

I don't recognize you.

Piper:

Also, I got a complaint about, the like, Ally where did Ally where did Claire Redfield find the time to dye her hair more red in in this film? Like, in the last film, it was like a auburn color, and now it's like like a dark, like a darker, cherry cola red. And it's like, girl, when did you find time to, dye your hair between getting off the, the plane, getting a thing strapped between your boobs, and then losing your memory?

Chris:

I like that they let Clare step up as a character in this film, even going so far as to giving her the kill shot against Well, she didn't have the kill shot. Oh, okay.

Piper:

She had but, like, they could have ended him there, and it would have been amazing.

Chris:

I yeah. That's right. She had the she had that shot, of the

Piper:

Some going under him and everything. Like Now Her whole action scene is my favorite scene in this movie.

Chris:

I'm trying to determine. Did they just did she just shoot him in the head? Is that what's happening?

Piper:

Him up through the body.

Chris:

So she

Piper:

basically went under him. Like, she slid under him on the floor that was wet in the prison shower room and shot up through his body.

Chris:

So she basically shot him through his big old executioner taint up through the neck?

Piper:

Yeah. She gave him a hole she gave him a lot of holes. The holy executioner. The holy executioner is Claire Redfield.

Chris:

And then, of course, Alice gets the kill shot. But that I mean, honestly, the best stuff was from was from Claire.

Piper:

Yeah. That whole, like, that whole scene like, okay. One gripe I had is that you can actually notice, like, when he first brings the ax down, not when he kills the, the Asian guy. I forgot his character's name. But, like, when he brings it down and it hits one of the urinals and Alice backs away, you can tell she backs away through the CGI instead of it actually coming down in front of her.

Piper:

Like, you can see it full force. I'm like, oh, oh, that was that wasn't added there greatly. Like, that was not added correctly because it's like, you can see her whoosh, but, like, part of the access through her or whatever. It's like, mhmm.

Chris:

Why did we leave that in? I

Piper:

Yeah. But it's like but when you watch Ali Lawler doing it, it's like it all the like, it almost looks like he's really there because they actually had to shoot them separately because he's supposed to be this huge guy, and he CGI'd in, and she's supposed to be ducking under that axe every single time. And I'm like, the way, like, Ally Lauder, like, did her ducking, you actually thought something was coming at her.

Chris:

There were a lot of things in here, like, that dealt with, Mila just a little bit that in the past films, the first three films, all of her action sequence were, like, spot on. But there were a handful of things that she did in this film. The the wall run, this weird flip that she did in the beginning of the film, that initial assault

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

That she did that it was a weird flip that, like, she was supposed to go halfway over and then kind of come back down, but it hung just a little too long.

Piper:

Like, she where she has a katana, it's like she she flips in the air, then she, like, comes, brings it around, and then goes down? Right. Well, it's like you gotta think about it. That's part of her, like, her whole clone power shit. So it wasn't supposed to look flawless.

Piper:

It was or it wasn't supposed to look like that's something a normal human would do.

Chris:

It doesn't look like something that a person with superpowers or any type of anything would do outside of, oops. I got stuck in the harness. Thank you for pushing me the other way. That's what that looked like.

Piper:

Fine. She got stuck in the harness then. She's like We've tried Oops. Oops.

Chris:

Look, Mila, we've tried this 12 times. You keep getting stuck halfway through. We're just gonna give you a little push, and we'll keep

Piper:

going. Yeah.

Chris:

How many takes do you get to get to that janky little move that just didn't work right?

Piper:

It's like, altogether, I thought this movie was solid. Like, it's like there was a lot of shit for me to complain about, but a lot of that is because of the way it was shot to be 3 d. Like, I think that was part of the problem is that they were trying to get on that, that whole 3 d hype and this I mean, hell, this is a that was a movie that grossed the highest because it was the first one in 3 d.

Chris:

And, honestly, I did not mind a lot of that stuff. Some of that stuff was shot in just such a way that even though you I didn't have any of the 3 d equipment sitting here with me, it was still entertaining to watch.

Piper:

The best shot from all that 3 d shit was probably, like, the quarter shot where, like, she, after she comes down from the, the, the the roof and, like, down into the zombies and she shoots it and you see the quarters coming at you type thing.

Chris:

They debunked that, by the way.

Piper:

They debunked. Yeah. You can't do it.

Chris:

You can't do that. The the the size of a quarter would not fit in the hole. No. Quarter's too big to fit in that hole.

Piper:

Mhmm. So Yes. I already knew that one. It's like we check me and my man checked it out.

Chris:

Yeah. You checked it out while you tried to go and fit, quarters into a shotgun?

Piper:

No. I was wondering if you could do it, and he was he was telling me you couldn't, so he actually brought it up on YouTube for me to see.

Chris:

Like, because I remember, like, I think there's a scene in Young Guns or Young Guns 2 as well that, but I think he uses pennies or nickels or something, not quarters.

Piper:

Well, pennies. Pennies pennies would probably be more optimal because quarters might be too heavy. I mean, nickels might be too heavy.

Chris:

He had, like, a a a shotgun. He's like, I'll make you famous and shoots the guy with, like, a bunch of change that he slipped into the barrel.

Piper:

Oh my goodness. What is your favorite scene of this movie?

Chris:

I thought I already mentioned half of, like, my favorite scenes in this film.

Piper:

I was wondering, like, if any of those, like, were the top.

Chris:

This is the first film that I felt that they ended it better. Like, the other films didn't feel like the endings were quite like, the first film I liked. 2nd and third, I didn't really feel the endings were as comfortable as I would have liked to transition into another film. Yeah. This film actually, I think I might have seen the 5th film because I think it transitions directly from the ending scene of this film into the next film, if I'm not mistaken.

Piper:

Give me a second. It does. Yeah. Because you have Jill coming in on the plane, and then in the next film, that's where it starts. But the funny thing about the next film is, like, when they do the opening, we'll talk about it then.

Chris:

I do have to ask. Is Kmart really necessary to resurrect in this film?

Piper:

No. No. Unfortunately, Spencer Luke was not necessarily needed for anything in this film. It's like she's just that miss like, it's like the only reason she's there is because you're like, okay. Well, Claire had her survivors, and then why would Claire be going after these people if it wasn't for people she knew?

Piper:

So it's like that was the only reason Kmart was there. Like, why would she be worried about anybody who's trapped under burial? Sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Chris:

No. No. No. You can completely continue to ramble about the pointlessness of Kmart.

Piper:

I'm done. She's about as pointless as the store is now.

Chris:

What store? I don't see any of them around here anymore. I know it still exists somewhere.

Piper:

I think there's something just like 1 Blockbuster.

Chris:

Right? Just in the middle of nowhere nowhere that I could possibly visit. I also like the, original scene between Wesker and her where they're escaping in the plane.

Piper:

That scene makes me question shit.

Chris:

And he's got the gun on her, and she thanks him. And he's like, thank he's like, thank me for what? Yeah. I'm about to kill you, and she's like, thank you for making me human again.

Piper:

Yeah. That's the problem with that scene.

Chris:

Right. She shouldn't have survived that.

Piper:

There's my point.

Chris:

So if she was human yeah. That's I'm I'm just wondering how much time there was between that scene and

Piper:

And her walking away from the scene?

Chris:

Basically ending up in the field of, airplanes shortly thereafter.

Piper:

Yeah. But I'm just wondering how much time was did she have to recuperate from surviving the plane crash to walking away from the plane crash? Because as a human, we didn't see Wesker at all, and he can regenerate. You are now human. So, I mean, was something left over from the t virus inside you, like, as it was dwindling out that kept you alive?

Piper:

Like, did everything kill did everything kill your t virus cells inside your body instantly, or was it one of those things it was going on for a bit and you this is why you survived? It's because it was still working on it, but you still had enough to survive the crash.

Chris:

And if they had the ability to take the t virus out of her Why was there a cure? Making her human again. Yeah. Why isn't there a cure?

Piper:

There is a cure.

Chris:

They're distributing it.

Piper:

There's an antivirus. Remember? Carlos did did get an antivirus in Resident Evil, Apocalypse.

Chris:

Right. But even though there's an antivirus, it doesn't necessarily kill the virus completely.

Piper:

That is true. Because

Chris:

just basically makes it dormant in your blood system for a while.

Piper:

Well, I mean, that's how Angie's Angie was able to walk.

Chris:

Right.

Piper:

Because she was infected, but it was kept in check with the antivirus.

Chris:

What would you say is your least favorite scene in the film?

Piper:

In afterlife?

Chris:

Yes. No. I'm gonna ask you about 1, 2, and 3.

Piper:

Well, let's see. In number 1, it was, no. I'm just kidding.

Chris:

That was

Piper:

loud. Loud. So sorry.

Chris:

That was a really loud pop. Okay.

Piper:

That's Sorry. My tongue is made of wood. Anyway

Chris:

It's it sounded like a ping pong paddle connecting with another ping pong paddle. It's just

Piper:

Which are made out of wood.

Chris:

Yes. But it's wood against wood.

Piper:

My my favorite kind of stuff. My least favorite, yeah. I saw that. My least favorite scene. Tell me yours because I'm I need to think about this one.

Chris:

I think I've already talked about my least favorite scene. While I do like the fight scene at the end, there are bits and elements of her meeting up with Wesker at the end that bothered me, including Bennett. Is it Bennett? Played by Kim Coats?

Piper:

Can we just talk about Kim Coats for a second? That man's amazing.

Chris:

Okay. First of all, one of my favorite performances in the film is Yeah. He is a slime ball through and through. Yeah. But there was one line that he rattled off at the end that made me go, oh oh, that wasn't necessary, where he's got the gun to the back of her head, and he goes, I'm gonna play with your pretty face.

Piper:

Let's also not forget. He played Tig on, Sands of Anarchy, and he would do anything with legs? I mean, I think he started a relationship with a trans woman after he's been, like, a ton of women.

Chris:

He's just that that's just the one thing that took it out of me for me with with him, just to just to I'm

Piper:

gonna enjoy playing well, it didn't take it out from me because it's like, okay. He's been infected as a now, and that makes sense that he's he wants to play with a pretty little face because he wants to eat it.

Chris:

He didn't necessarily get killed off at the end of the film either.

Piper:

Yes. He did.

Chris:

That he it was off screen?

Piper:

Yes. He was off screen, but he was eaten by Wesker. That's how Wesker regenerated more.

Chris:

Okay. Yeah. Because he was talking about devouring Alice too. Mhmm. But if Alice is human, then, what's the

Piper:

It doesn't matter. They just gotta eat.

Chris:

Doesn't matter if it's human or something,

Piper:

if he

Chris:

virus is infected?

Piper:

Right. Because you gotta look at, you gotta look at Bennett. He wasn't like the other zombies who had that issue of being a Mejani. He was a human Mejani. He was still a human infected by a parasite.

Piper:

He wasn't a human infected by the t virus. And the thing is is the thing is is, like, I can explain that to you, but if you just watch the movies, you wouldn't fucking know. You're just like it's just T Virus shit.

Chris:

No. I mean, you're explaining things to me. This is what I'm talking about. You've played the games. I haven't played the games all the way through.

Chris:

So I just know that something's definitely missing here. There's a lot of

Piper:

There's a lot of stuff different missing.

Chris:

They could have at least done us the favor of having a couple of short exposition dumps just to explain certain things.

Piper:

Or I know the

Chris:

You know what? Do a Linda Hamilton in t 2 where you just have these pointless voice overs while the film is still continuing on.

Piper:

I know my 2 least favorite scenes, and it's cut not because they were bad or anything.

Chris:

Okay.

Piper:

The one where Crystal dies after she gets done swimming.

Chris:

Okay.

Piper:

And the one where Angel dies because he was shot by Bennett.

Chris:

Yeah. But that is what solidified Bennett as a complete slimeball. Outside of, like, his

Piper:

I know that. I just didn't like these 2 people who died because, like, I like Krystal's, like, hopeful personality against everybody else. Like, it's like even as an actress who's dealt with a lot of rejection and all that other shit, it's like she still has some some, like, sliver of hope somewhere. It's like she just had a good personality. Also, when did Alice's personality fucking change?

Piper:

Because she seemed a lot more lighthearted than this one than she has in the first three. You can't even say she didn't.

Chris:

I have absolutely no idea. Because, like, the first three films, she seemed to have this kind of jaded, melancholy edge to her.

Piper:

Yeah. And then in this one, she's joking around and flirting.

Chris:

Weird. It was really weird, which also makes me feel like she's not the original Alice.

Piper:

I don't think it's serious. I hated that this character's bad, but it's like my favorite actor out of all of these people in this is, like, as much as I think Sean Roberts is sexy, I'd actually have to go with Kim Coates.

Chris:

I'm thinking now. Is Kim Coats my favorite? Because I would say he's right up there.

Piper:

Well, it's like, I can't really say Sienna Gilderoy as Jill because she was only in there for, like, 30 seconds at in in the post credits. Well, I do love that scene for like, I love that they brought her in from in her battle suit and long long blonde hair from Resident Evil 5 according including that thing on her chest. Like, looked great. I'll have a complaint about that for our next one.

Chris:

I'm gonna I'm gonna have to give it to Ally Lauder in this film. She got to step up in this film. I think she may it made her a stronger character. I don't know if that's gonna continue as the franchise goes along, but I never as little as I know about Resident Evil, I never felt like Alice should have been a fully fleshed out character that is basically the hinge for the entire series.

Piper:

Well, the reason she is is is not just because she became Paul w s Anderson's wife. It's also because they need an original character that can do whatever they wanted to with. Because everybody else, they had to go through Capcom to make sure that they can do such and such. If they kill anybody, whatever, they gotta make sure, you know, is it okay? With Alice, that's their original character.

Piper:

They can do anything that they want with and write her however they want.

Chris:

So I'm just gonna say this because it needs to be said. We've watched a lot of video game adaptations, and you know as far as well as I do, the more liberty they take with the original material, the worse some of those things end up being received.

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

Because people wanna see something. That's why, like, I was kinda half and half about 2, because there's a lot of stuff that pops up that I personally can remember from playing the games.

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

I haven't seen. I haven't played the other games, so I don't feel as affected by these other films. I can only judge them on how they are as a film within the franchise, not how they are as a film with the backdrop of having played certain games.

Piper:

Yeah.

Chris:

But the problem being is that if you're not providing explanation, you're not providing the things that you need for the people that have loved these games growing up, that love them even now because they're still playing them and the remakes that are coming out

Piper:

Hi, people.

Chris:

The remasters and everything. If you're not trying to cater to them at the very least and you're deciding, hey. You know what? We want to be able to go shackles free and do whatever we want with this franchise. Let's create a character that has nothing to do with the franchise.

Piper:

Well Technically, she does. In your original in your original Resident Evil games, like, when there was puzzles and stuff, there was always a connection to some type of fairy tale somewhere.

Chris:

Okay.

Piper:

Al this whole thing is Alice in Wonderland. Alice, the red queen, the white queen, and her going through all these different types of things.

Chris:

Right. Right. And I know there's a an undertow of of Alice in Wonderland

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

Or Alice in fucking hell.

Piper:

Alice in hell land.

Chris:

It's actually a good song by Annihilator called Alice in Hell, which, again, could've used that for the film. I'm sure Annihilator could've used the extra money. Just saying. That being said, 1 through 11 on this film. How would you rate this one?

Piper:

This one would definitely get a 6.5.

Chris:

So far, based off of the other films that I've watched, I really loved the original. I was kinda neither here nor there about 23. This one, I'd probably give about a 7.

Piper:

Yeah.

Chris:

It's it's right up there.

Piper:

I could bump it up to a 7.

Chris:

Because of this film, I'm not apprehensive about watching the last 2.

Piper:

I think you'll actually really like the next one.

Chris:

I was really apprehensive about watching this film based off of having to go through and watch extinction.

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

Because I got so distracted watching extinction. Like, I kept looking away or doing other things, like, it didn't hold my interest. This film, I sat down, and when people tried to, like, hey. I need you to help me with something. I was like, hey.

Chris:

I'm watching something here. I was not distracted. I didn't wanna be distracted.

Piper:

I I honestly think you'll actually like the next film.

Chris:

I'm hoping. We'll see.

Piper:

There are some people I love that are back.

Chris:

Well, I obviously, you, Jill. I did not realize Jill was, that character at the end of the film, and you explained it to me, and I was like, oh.

Piper:

Well, that's another gripe I had about this one is that the whole reason she's in this battle suit with the thing on her chest in the in Resident Evil 5 the game is because of Wesker. Okay. And in this, it has no connection.

Chris:

Oh, alright. So, I mean, we had seen

Piper:

see her at the end, but it has no connection to Wesker.

Chris:

We had seen that, what it looked like a spider of some sort.

Piper:

Right. You saw it on Kmart. You saw it on Claire.

Chris:

Right.

Piper:

And you saw it on Jill's, like, massive breasts at the end. Is it it's like that's the other thing they didn't like about Cena Gellertoroy is, like, she looked like she had normal breasts in her tube top and shit. Next thing you know, she's in this battle suit and it just looks like her breasts are like the main focal point without that thing in the middle. And I'm just like, woah.

Chris:

Why why you look like Samus from Metroid? What's going on?

Piper:

But yeah. Like, that was my that was the last gripe I had about that movie was because, like, here comes Jill on the plane at the end. My other thing is they told us Jill was coming back, and I was waiting for the I was watching through the whole movie waiting for it in theaters. I was like, oh, yeah. Jill's coming back.

Piper:

Thank the gods. Then she's got that little snippet for 10 seconds at the end, and I'm just like because they even post her in the credits as Jill before that scene even plays.

Chris:

Jill is the the sneaky little thing at the end of the movie. Now I wonder how many people walked out before that came up.

Piper:

As if they were like, they were waiting to see Jill in the movie the whole time?

Chris:

Well, because think about it. Back then

Piper:

Oh, well, there wasn't a lot of post credit things.

Chris:

Yeah. There wasn't a lot of films that had post credit anything. Like, the only thing that I can personally remember, and I've watched a lot of movies, and I may have to adjust that as I go along because there's certain movies I've turned off, and maybe there were things there. But the only one I can remember is, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, We're literally at the end of the film, he walks back in, and he goes, wait a minute. You're still here?

Chris:

The movie's over. Why are you still here? Go home. Go.

Piper:

Well, I was like, I think I went and saw this with my dad because I think I was still at that age. When did this movie come out?

Chris:

2010, I believe. 2010? Yes.

Piper:

Yeah. This is before I was dating John. So yeah. Or yeah. It was before I was dating John.

Piper:

I went and saw it with my dad. I, I was getting my stuff ready. We were waiting because there was people starting to walk in front of us, so I was like, I don't wanna sit there and follow the crowd at that moment. Next thing you know, It's like the the credit saying who played who goes by, and then it's like, here comes Jill.

Chris:

Here's the really sad part about this film, that if you if you go by just the US gross for any of these films, they barely break even. These films did much better outside of the United States than they did in the States.

Piper:

Well, it's like I don't know.

Chris:

Well, like, this I'll just go by this film. This film had a budget of 60,000, 60,000,000. Sorry.

Piper:

Mhmm.

Chris:

And gross across the US and Canada was just $60,100,000. Right? So they made their money back and basically paid a handful of the theaters to show the stuff in the states. Mhmm. Once it moved outside of the United States, on the other hand, worldwide, including the US and Canada, they made $300,000,000 on this.

Piper:

Damn.

Chris:

So well over 3 times what I wanna say 3 3 times what they made in the states, If I'm

Piper:

not mistaken 33 times 60 would be, like, a 118, 180.

Chris:

So maybe maybe 4 times what they made in the states. So it'd be about 24,000,000, then you put the, sorry, 240,000,000, and then you add the 60,000,000 in, and you got your 300,000,000. So you didn't work

Piper:

out math while my bladder's like, hey.

Chris:

They made 4 times the amount. Hey. Look. I did not ask you to drink that big old drink in the middle of this podcast.

Piper:

I already told you my blood sugar was high before I even drank that drink.

Chris:

I'm I'm telling you. I've been I've had you here for 2 hours now. So if you take all the films that we've watched so far, we've gone through 1, 2, 3, 4. If you had to eliminate any one of these movies from

Piper:

Extinction.

Chris:

Guys This podcast is powered by the pros.

Piper:

Is it powered by the pros?

Chris:

Arkansas Apparently apparently, this podcast, decided to just start playing for no reason in the background. I did not turn anything on over here.

Piper:

Y'all and he bitches about my phone going off when it's actually work.

Chris:

Look. Your phone went off and started doing whatever. I don't know what that was. My podcast, something that I have never watched a day in my life listened to a day in my life just started playing on my phone for no reason.

Piper:

Damn. I don't

Chris:

know what this is. I don't know what it's attached to. I don't know who started playing it. But just to give a shout out to this podcast, we have somebody called, Rushan and Zach. Their podcast, called hit that line or something to that nature.

Chris:

It's the Rushan and Zack podcast. The episode is hit that line, apparently, randomly played for 2 minutes or 2 seconds without me noticing. So

Piper:

I apologize. By the pros.

Chris:

Followed by the pros. Alright. Well, thank you, Piper, for sitting down and talking to me at length about 3 movies even though we were only supposed to do 2.

Piper:

I'm sorry.

Chris:

And it happens. It happens. We eliminated the pitch this time, so we'll just kinda focus on doing some pitches. I wanna try to make that a regular thing on the podcast.

Piper:

Let's do all the pitches.

Chris:

Son of a pitch. Anyway, as Nico likes to say so frequently to end the podcast

Piper:

Drink some water, you thirsty bitches.

Chris:

Yeah. And, actually, I do need a little bit of water. I am thirsty.

Piper:

Do you need some water?

Chris:

Fucking hell. Yes. Definitely. You need some