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It’s season finale time here on Pick Six Movies and we’re pulling out all the stops! We’re doing the newest movie we’ve ever done – Five Nights at Freddy’s – and welcoming back old pals like Pick Six Bot and Back to the Future references. We discuss the convoluted lore, the sloppy script, and dabble in the realm of simulations. Join us, won’t you?
Pick Six Movies is a movie podcast where each season we select six movies, all related to a single theme. We examine the history of the people in front of and behind the camera, try to make sense of how and why the movie was made, then discuss each one in way too much detail to see if they are any good.
Pick Six Movies is hosted by Bo Ransdell and Chad Cooper, two life-long friends with a shared passion for discussing things they barely understand in an attempt to make each other laugh.
Pick Six Bot: 1.
Pick Six Bot: Initiate Generative Audio Simulation.
Pick Six Bot: Format Podcast.
Pick Six Bot: Category Movies, pop Culture, artificial
Pick Six Bot: Personal Life History.
Pick Six Bot: Maximum Number of Personalities.
Pick Six Bot: 2.
Pick Six Bot: Length of Simulation Undetermined.
Pick Six Bot: Initiate Simulation 157.
Pick Six Bot: Begin Final Generative Audio Simulation for
Pick Six Bot: Project Pick 6 Movies In 3, 2,.
Pick Six Bot: 1.
Pick Six Bot: Initiate Podcast Opening.
Pick Six Bot: This is Pick 6 Movies.
Pick Six Bot: Code Name Interred Ferguson.
Pick Six Bot: This is an AI-generated audio simulation
Pick Six Bot: examining 6 movies related to one theme.
Pick Six Bot: Each movie is selected to be subjectively
Pick Six Bot: discussed by 2 AI-generated audio
Pick Six Bot: simulations.
Pick Six Bot: Audio generations begin with background on
Pick Six Bot: the source material, including data from
Pick Six Bot: the Internet and written by artificial
Pick Six Bot: intelligence.
Pick Six Bot: Sequence 2 includes a maximum of 2
Pick Six Bot: AI-audio-generated voices to objectively
Pick Six Bot: discuss the subject, from Alpa to Zeta, and
Pick Six Bot: quantify and rank order the quality of the
Pick Six Bot: subject material.
Pick Six Bot: Ai-audio-generated hosts Human Number 1,
Pick Six Bot: referred to as Chat, subjectively Less
Pick Six Bot: Intelligent with Inferior WIT.
Pick Six Bot: Second host is the objectively more
Pick Six Bot: charming Human Number 2, referred to as Bo.
Pick Six Bot: Simulated personalities are not programmed
Pick Six Bot: with awareness.
Pick Six Bot: They are AI-generated personalities.
Pick Six Bot: Alternately, they are programmed with
Pick Six Bot: cross-functional histories.
Pick Six Bot: Ai generation includes fictional holistic
Pick Six Bot: world parameters, including coworkers,
Pick Six Bot: interns, personal lives outside of the
Pick Six Bot: simulations.
Pick Six Bot: Human Number 1 and Human Number 2 Speak,
Pick Six Bot: think and React with Artificial Knowledge.
Pick Six Bot: Human personalities exist in their own
Pick Six Bot: reality, consisting of a defined
Pick Six Bot: psychological and physiological world
Pick Six Bot: inhabited separately yet tangentially to
Pick Six Bot: each other Generative Audio Simulations.
Pick Six Bot: Completed to Date 26 Seasons, 156
Pick Six Bot: Successful Individual Simulations.
Pick Six Bot: This is Simulation 157, featuring the film
Pick Six Bot: Five Nights at Freddy's.
Pick Six Bot: Confirming Final Simulation of Pick 6
Pick Six Bot: Movies with Simulation 6 of 6 for the
Pick Six Bot: season's theme Domo Erigato, featuring 6
Pick Six Bot: movies about robots.
Pick Six Bot: Initiate sequence number 1 in 3, 2, 1.
Chad: The story of how the video game franchise
Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's made its way into a
Chad: feature film begins with one of the OG
Chad: video game companies, atari, and its
Chad: founder, nolan Bushnell.
Chad: Bushnell was born in 1942 in Utah and was
Chad: raised as a Mormon.
Chad: Because it was the 1940s and he was in Utah,
Chad: he went to Utah State University, then
Chad: transferred to the University of Utah Ah,
Chad: good ol' you of you.
Chad: There he studied electrical engineering and
Chad: computer science.
Chad: While in college, bushnell worked at Lagoon
Chad: Amusement Park, located just outside Salt
Chad: Lake City.
Chad: During his time there he was the manager of
Chad: the games department, constantly watching
Chad: people plunk down money to play games for
Chad: entertainment and a chance to win a prize.
Chad: With a mix of luck and skill, bushnell
Chad: graduated from college and moved to
Chad: California with hopes of landing a job with
Chad: Disney.
Chad: His lack of professional experience
Chad: prevented those doors from opening, so he
Chad: landed a job with Ampex, a company that
Chad: manufactured digital storage systems.
Chad: There Bushnell met Tad Dabney.
Chad: They formed a friendship and Bushnell began
Chad: to pitch the idea of the two opening a
Chad: pizza parlor with electronic computer games
Chad: that customers could play for entertainment.
Chad: Bushnell took Dabney to the Sanford
Chad: Artificial Intelligence Laboratory and
Chad: showed him a video game called Spaceway.
Chad: It was a relatively simple outer space
Chad: dogfight game where the spaceships were two
Chad: tiny triangle wedges.
Chad: Bushnell and Dabney thought, hey, let's rip
Chad: that game off and make our own game just
Chad: like it.
Chad: So that's what they did.
Chad: In a game called Computer Space, they
Chad: succeeded in making their version of the
Chad: game and found a company to help put it in
Chad: large cabinets with a coin-operated slot
Chad: for people to play in.
Chad: But it was a financial failure due to the
Chad: complexity of the gameplay.
Chad: They needed something that drunks and bars
Chad: could play as an alternative to going and
Chad: spending time with their families.
Chad: Bushnell and Dabney knew they were onto
Chad: something and they decided to create their
Chad: own company called Scissor G S-Y-Z-Y-G-Y.
Chad: Luckily and strangely enough, that name was
Chad: already in use, because it's hard to say,
Chad: tricky to spell and just bad branding.
Chad: Bushnell turns out was a big fan of the
Chad: ancient Chinese board game Go, which uses
Chad: black and white pieces for each player.
Chad: In that game there's a situation where a
Chad: group of game pieces surround an opponent's
Chad: piece in a small checkmark, leaving the
Chad: opponent's piece to be captured in the next
Chad: move, and when this happens the situation
Chad: is said to be an Atari.
Chad: Bushnell suggested this name for their new
Chad: company and the rest is history.
Chad: Bushnell felt they should next go rip off a
Chad: game called Speedway which was manufactured
Chad: by Chicago Coin.
Chad: Bushnell had seen the game frequently
Chad: played while working at Lagoon Amusement
Chad: Park.
Chad: But before they could get that off the
Chad: ground, bushnell went to a demonstration of
Chad: the Magnavox Odyssey, the first commercial
Chad: video game console, where he saw a table
Chad: tennis game and decided to rip that off
Chad: with the help of his new Atari employee,
Chad: alan Alcorn, and thus was the origin of the
Chad: game.
Chad: As the company Atari evolved, bushnell and
Chad: Dabney had differing opinions as to how the
Chad: company should grow.
Chad: Bushnell bought out Dabney's share of the
Chad: company Atari for $250,000 in 1973, landing
Chad: Dabney the annual Pete Best Lifetime of
Chad: Regret Award for that year.
Chad: In 1973, the demand for video games was
Chad: growing and pinball distributors like
Chad: Midway demanded exclusivity to Atari games
Chad: when they were putting consoles for the
Chad: aforementioned drunk people to play in bars
Chad: instead of going home to see their families.
Chad: Bushnell got an idea Say what if we
Chad: secretly start another company and make rip
Chad: off games of our own Atari games and then
Chad: we market those games to other companies to
Chad: get around this annoying exclusivity clause?
Chad: You market the same game to two different
Chad: distributors, with each having their own
Chad: exclusive deal, and that, my friends, is
Chad: what you call a loophole.
Chad: Later, atari ended up absorbing that shadow
Chad: company they created and by 1975, atari
Chad: began to create a home console for sale
Chad: that people could play, titled the Atari
Chad: 2600.
Chad: It was one of the greatest home video
Chad: consoles of all time.
Chad: That console sold for $199.
Chad: It's about $1,000 in today's money.
Chad: You got two joysticks, the game Combat
Chad: where two square tanks shot square bullets
Chad: at each other, and get this.
Chad: There were four total games you could play
Chad: when the console launched.
Chad: Pretty fancy, right.
Chad: Bushnell ultimately went to Warner
Chad: Communications in 1976 to get some backing
Chad: to help manufacture the console and really
Chad: market it.
Chad: The console, it turns out, was a huge
Chad: success.
Chad: Just ask any kid from the 1980s and they'll
Chad: tell you all about it.
Chad: This led to Atari releasing their next
Chad: generation console, the Atari 5200, and
Chad: that was a big flop because it wasn't
Chad: backward, compatible with all those Atari
Chad: 2600 games that people had at home.
Chad: During this time, two wide-eyed young
Chad: upstarts approached Bushnell and asked him
Chad: to invest in their companies.
Chad: Their names Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak
Chad: Maybe a herd of them.
Chad: Jobs and Wozniak were working on their
Chad: computer system called the Apple One,
Chad: reportedly using Atari hardware parts in
Chad: previous Atari employees.
Chad: At the time Bushnell and Atari had their
Chad: sights set on the growth of the video game,
Chad: arcade and home gaming consoles, not a
Chad: bunch of fruity computers.
Chad: Later Steve Jobs offered Bushnell a
Chad: one-third stake in Apple Incorporated for
Chad: $50,000, but Bushnell said no.
Chad: I'm sure later in life, hearing this, it
Chad: made his previous partner Dabney overflow
Chad: with shodden Freud.
Chad: What does all this have to do with Five
Chad: Nights at Freddy's?
Chad: I'm getting to that, just be patient.
Chad: Now remember how Bushnell had dreams of
Chad: working for Disney as an engineer and
Chad: separately.
Chad: He wanted to open up pizza parlors as a
Chad: place to stick video games for people to
Chad: play.
Chad: Well, that idea didn't go away and in 1977,
Chad: he opened the Pizza Time Theater in San
Chad: Jose with financial backing from Warner
Chad: Communications.
Chad: Bushnell was a big fan of Disney
Chad: animatronics as found in the Country Bear
Chad: Jamboree and Enchanted Tiki Room at the
Chad: Disneyland Park.
Chad: Bushnell was no stranger to ripping off
Chad: other people's ideas and he wanted a
Chad: similar experience in his family-friendly
Chad: pizza parlor video game restaurant.
Chad: Bushnell reached out to Harold Goldbrandson
Chad: who created adult-sized mascot costumes.
Chad: The two met, they hit it off and Bushnell
Chad: visited Goldbrandson's company Fantasy
Chad: Forest, where Bushnell purchased a costume
Chad: that he believed to be a coyote.
Chad: That would be his new restaurant's mascot
Chad: Coyote Pizza Bushnell.
Chad: A marketer he was not, and it turned out
Chad: that when the costume arrived, bushnell and
Chad: team realized that the coyote had a long
Chad: peak tail and was in fact a rat costume Not
Chad: something you want associated with a pizza
Chad: restaurant.
Chad: But they got what they got and with dreams
Chad: of competing with Disney, with locations in
Chad: every major city in America, they renamed
Chad: Coyote Pizza to Rick Rat Calmer.
Chad: Heads prevailed and that name eventually
Chad: became Chuck E Cheese.
Chad: The first Pizza Time Theater showcasing
Chad: Chuck E Cheese opened in 1977, and it
Chad: featured a life-size animatronic show, and
Chad: it was an immediate success.
Chad: However, the heads of Warner Communications
Chad: were not interested in making pizza.
Chad: They bought into a video game company, so
Chad: they sold their steak in the company to
Chad: Bushnell for a cool half million bucks.
Chad: Bushnell eventually opened a second
Chad: location in an old grocery store that was
Chad: four times the size of the original
Chad: location.
Chad: Here it featured a new show with new
Chad: characters and animatronics beyond the
Chad: original Pizza Time Theater.
Chad: It had Chuck E Cheese as the focal
Chad: personality, but there was a surrounding
Chad: cast of characters including Dolly Dimples,
Chad: a piano playing and singing hippopotamus.
Chad: Two locations grew in popularity even
Chad: though the execution of the animatronics
Chad: were a bit primitive by today's standards,
Chad: with bad lip-syncing and asynchronous
Chad: eye-blinking.
Chad: It was charming and people loved it.
Chad: Pizza Time.
Chad: Theater presents the most incredible pizza
Chad: place in the world.
Chuck E Cheese: Okay, people, here we go to the great All
Chuck E Cheese: American Pizza Show.
Chuck E Cheese: Your emcee is Chuck E Cheese, I better
Chuck E Cheese: known as the Big C.
Chuck E Cheese: I'll be there with all my pals, like Mr
Chuck E Cheese: Munch and Jasper Chow.
Comercial Announcer: It's Chuck E Cheese and the Pizza Time
Comercial Announcer: Players Now at either Pizza Time Theater in
Comercial Announcer: the Winchester Town Country Shopping Center
Comercial Announcer: or on Coosier Avenue at Blossom Hill Road,
Comercial Announcer: where you can see Dolly Dimples, the famous
Comercial Announcer: singing hippo.
Comercial Announcer: Come on Family Nights, monday through
Comercial Announcer: Thursday, when there are free extra tokens
Comercial Announcer: for electronic games and racing cars and no
Comercial Announcer: waiting to play your favorite game.
Pick Six Bot: And we got sandwiches and salad bar, pizza
Pick Six Bot: games and racing cars.
Chuck E Cheese: So come on gang, let's go.
Chuck E Cheese: Go go to the great All American.
Comercial Announcer: Pizza Show.
Comercial Announcer: Come on in to Pizza Time.
Comercial Announcer: Theater pizza's never been so much fun.
Chad: How can anybody resist that, ad right?
Chad: So, bushnell, he started getting frustrated
Chad: with the continued friction over at Atari
Chad: you know his day job regarding the
Chad: company's future and he decided to exit
Chad: Atari in 1978 with a two-year non-compete
Chad: clause.
Chad: So Bushnell doubled down and dedicated all
Chad: of his attention to his growing pizza
Chad: empire.
Chad: Bushnell and his team marketed the Pizza
Chad: Time Theater and Checke Cheese Restaurant
Chad: as a franchise opportunity, featuring the
Chad: only computer-controlled animatronic show
Chad: anywhere you know, excluding Disneyland and
Chad: Walt Disney World and a few other smaller
Chad: locations that you probably never heard of.
Chad: Enter Bob Brock, the owner of the Topeka
Chad: Inn Management Company.
Chad: Brock made a couple of nickels with his
Chad: company's involvement with the very
Chad: successful Holiday Inn chain of motels.
Chad: Brock saw the financials of the early Pizza
Chad: Time Theater restaurants and he loved the
Chad: concept and he wanted it.
Chad: He decided to invest in the company with a
Chad: long-term target to open up over 285 stores
Chad: across the United States, 200 of which
Chad: would be operated by the Topeka Inn
Chad: Management Company and the remainder would
Chad: be franchised out, with each new restaurant
Chad: costing about a million dollars to get up
Chad: and running.
Chad: To run their 200 stores, the Topeka Inn
Chad: Management Company created a new department
Chad: called Pizza Showbiz.
Chad: Why does that sound like that?
Chad: That's right.
Chad: Bushnell wasn't the only business man who
Chad: could see a good idea and go rip it off.
Chad: That's apparently what everybody does in
Chad: business.
Chad: So Brock comes in and he poachers a bunch
Chad: of people working for Pizza Time Theater,
Chad: featuring Checke Cheese, and he creates a
Chad: competitor known as Showbiz Pizza Place,
Chad: opening their first location in 1980.
Chad: Showbiz Pizza was different from the Checke
Chad: Cheese property in that it featured a bear
Chad: in overalls as the primary mascot of the
Chad: company, drawing comparisons to the
Chad: previously mentioned Country Bear Jamboree
Chad: at the Disney theme parks.
Chad: There was a house man called the
Chad: Rock-a-Fire Explosion with frontman Fats
Chad: Geronimo among many other robotic singers.
Comercial Announcer: I bet that pizza tastes good.
Comercial Announcer: You've never seen a place like Showbiz
Comercial Announcer: Pizza Place will serve you a pizza second
Comercial Announcer: to none.
Comercial Announcer: So come for pizza.
Comercial Announcer: Stay for the fun.
Comercial Announcer: Showbiz Pizza Place with over 60 electronic
Comercial Announcer: games, pizza bake fresh every day and the
Comercial Announcer: stage show extravaganza on three stages.
Comercial Announcer: So come for pizza stay for the fun.
Chad: How can anybody resist that right?
Chad: Bushnell saw this and said hey, they ripped
Chad: me off, I'm gonna sue you.
Chad: And sue he did to both Brock and the Topeka
Chad: In Management Company over breach of
Chad: contract.
Chad: Brock and the Showbiz Pizza Company
Chad: ultimately had to pay Bushnell a percentage
Chad: of their profits for the next 14 years.
Chad: This led to two years of animatronic pizza
Chad: wars, with Showbiz Pizza and Chuck E Cheese
Chad: locations opening, at times with invisible
Chad: distance of one another.
Chad: Bushnell took Chuck E Cheese public in 1981,
Chad: then he proceeded to lose 15 million bucks
Chad: by 1983, a year later, in 1984, pizza Time
Chad: Theater and Chuck E Cheese filed for
Chad: Chapter 11 Bankruptcy and Bushnell resigned
Chad: from the company.
Chad: And about this time Brock comes in and just
Chad: straight up buys the entire Chuck E Cheese
Chad: Company.
Chad: This is a good throw business.
Chad: So Showbiz Pizza now owns Chuck E Cheese
Chad: Pizza and the two brands eventually merged
Chad: and all the Showbiz Pizza places evolved
Chad: into Chuck E Cheese Pizza locations.
Chad: Facing financial troubles, the company made
Chad: the decision to reduce the complexity of
Chad: the animatronics in the show, shuttering
Chad: some of the stages and retiring many of the
Chad: characters, with a central core of mascots
Chad: to entertain restaurant goers.
Chad: The company faced reduced revenues and went
Chad: through a rebranding, reimagining Chuck E
Chad: Cheese as a younger hipper version of
Chad: himself, now shredding guitar instead of
Chad: shredding cheese.
Chad: The company kept its head down and remained
Chad: above water if you can do that at the same
Chad: time throughout the 90s and barely survived
Chad: the Great Recession in the early 2000s,
Chad: covid-19 hit the company, suffered bad,
Chad: leading it to file for bankruptcy in June
Chad: of 2020, which is sad for people of a
Chad: particular generation.
Chad: Chuck E Cheese and Showbiz Pizza place were
Chad: these futuristic musical locations where
Chad: you could play video games and scarf down
Chad: pizza and win prizes, and watch robots sing
Chad: songs and wish kids a happy birthday.
Chad: It was a simpler time, a more innocent time,
Chad: a time that's perfect to be exploited in a
Chad: horror themed video game.
Pick Six Bot: Recalibrating voice pitch, speed and
Pick Six Bot: modulation.
Pick Six Bot: Re-initiate sequence number one in three
Pick Six Bot: two, one.
Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's, or FNAF as the
Chad: kids call it, was released in 2014 as a
Chad: point and click survival horror game
Chad: created by Scott Cawthon.
Chad: A devout Christian, began his career making
Chad: religious themed adventure games, which
Chad: proved to be financial failures.
Chad: You don't say.
Chad: He created a game titled Chipper and Son's
Chad: Lumber Company, and players of the game
Chad: found the game's characters to be
Chad: frightening, commenting that their movement
Chad: looked stilted, like evil animatronic
Chad: characters.
Chad: This criticism did not land well with
Chad: Cawthon, leading him to a real crisis of
Chad: faith, but he reconciled all of that and
Chad: decided to turn that frown upside down and
Chad: pivot.
Chad: Instead of making wholesome Christian
Chad: entertainment, he decided to make a horror
Chad: video game.
Chad: Cawthon developed the game Five Nights at
Chad: Freddy's over six months, and the final
Chad: version of the game was set in a family
Chad: pizzeria where the game player takes on the
Chad: role of a night security guard.
Chad: You, as the security guard, must complete
Chad: your five night shifts without being caught
Chad: by homicidal animatronic characters that
Chad: lurk around the restaurant at night.
Chad: Using security cameras to monitor the
Chad: restaurant, you can open and close doors
Chad: that lock out characters.
Chad: Using the cameras depletes limited
Chad: electricity and drains power, impacting
Chad: other means of keeping you, the Night
Chad: Watchman, alive.
Chad: Cawthon submitted Five Nights at Freddy's
Chad: to the video game distribution service
Chad: Steam, and it quickly gained popularity.
Chad: Critics received the game well and it began
Chad: to get real visibility on YouTube videos
Chad: sharing gameplay and commentary from the
Chad: likes of Markiplier, jacksyptikai and
Chad: PewDiePie.
Chad: That same year, cawthon released a sequel,
Chad: not surprisingly titled Five Nights at
Chad: Freddy's 2, and it was also very popular.
Chad: In 2015, both FNAF 3 and FNAF 4 were
Chad: released, all the while continuing to reach
Chad: audiences on every device imaginable iPads,
Chad: iphones, android phone species and gaming
Chad: consoles.
Chad: A video game this popular led to
Chad: merchandising and novels that began to
Chad: connect a larger, more complex history to
Chad: the Five Nights at Freddy's lore.
Chad: The growing official canon of FNAF involves
Chad: two rival pizza chains.
Chad: Jealousy between the two founders of these
Chad: animatronic entertainment themed pizzerias
Chad: involves stealing competitor's technology
Chad: and ideas, leading to success, failure,
Chad: resentment and, ultimately, retaliatory
Chad: murder of children.
Chad: Oh my god.
Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's takes place in
Chad: Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, a substitute for
Chad: Chuck E Cheese.
Chad: The entertainment is led by the
Chad: restaurant's namesake, cuddly Freddy
Chad: Fazbear.
Chad: Joining him is Bonnie, a purple bunny,
Chad: chica, a yellow baby chick, and Foxy, a red
Chad: pirate fox.
Chad: Now I watched a 90 minute overview of Five
Chad: Nights at Freddy's history on YouTube, and
Chad: this backstory's complexity is comparable
Chad: to the film Inception.
Chad: Conceiving a child with the movie Momento
Chad: and then giving it up for adoption to be
Chad: raised by that third Pirates of the
Chad: Caribbean movie.
Chad: It is, to say the least, complex.
Chad: The heightened interest in this backstory
Chad: led to fan fiction and fan theories and fan
Chad: fights on the internet speculating on the
Chad: hoos and what's and why's of this evolving
Chad: complexity surrounding horror and pizza and
Chad: robots that kill people.
Chad: All of this is chronicled across a series
Chad: of at current count, eleven books.
Chad: But hey, you know whatever it takes to get
Chad: kids to read.
Chad: Am I right?
Chad: I'm right.
Hollywood Producer: With something this popular, it was
Hollywood Producer: inevitable that Hollywood producers started
Hollywood Producer: sniffing around saying I hear a bunch of
Hollywood Producer: computer nerds really like this Freddy Five
Hollywood Producer: Nights telephone video game.
Hollywood Producer: I'm sure the boys in the writer's rooms
Hollywood Producer: could swap together a treatment to get
Hollywood Producer: those pasty-skinned weirdos out of their
Hollywood Producer: mother's basement and into movie theaters
Hollywood Producer: to scream their heads off while we laugh
Hollywood Producer: all the way to the bank.
Hollywood Producer: Someone fetch me a hundred dollar bill.
Chad: I need to light this oversized cigar.
Chad: And so it was.
Chad: In 2015, it was announced that Warner
Chad: Brothers picked up the rights to make Five
Chad: Nights at Freddy's into a major motion
Chad: picture.
Chad: Famed entertainment moguls Jeffrey
Chad: Katzenberg and Roy Lee saw early success
Chad: with the horror movies the Ring and the
Chad: Grudge, and they were attached to bring
Chad: this video game to the big screen.
Chad: To help with the script was Seth Graham
Chad: Smith, who wrote Pride and Prejudice and
Chad: Zombies, as well as Abraham Lincoln,
Chad: vampire Hunter.
Chad: In January of 2017, the game's creator
Chad: Colfam said the movie was on hold, but then,
Chad: two months later, he said just kidding, we
Chad: gotta deal with Blumhouse Productions.
Chad: Are they the only production company that's
Chad: allowed to make horror movies anymore?
Chad: They are Great.
Chad: Alright, good for them.
Chad: Early on, gil Keenan, the guy behind the
Chad: animated film Monster House, was set to
Chad: direct, but that fell through.
Chad: By 2018, it was announced that Chris
Chad: Columbus, the guy who directed Home Alone,
Chad: would come in and direct the movie with a
Chad: planned release of 2020.
Chad: But by the end of 2018, the script for the
Chad: movie wasn't really coming together and it
Chad: was announced that it would be delayed
Chad: further and would not hit screens until
Chad: 2021.
Chad: And then, shortly after that, chris
Chad: Columbus was no longer attached to direct.
Chad: Following that, emma Tammy was brought in
Chad: to direct the movie and she would also be
Chad: co-writing it with the game's creator,
Chad: colfam, along with Seth Kuddleback.
Chad: As we all know, there are many opinionated
Chad: people on the internet and some of them
Chad: have very strong opinions about the Five
Chad: Nights at Freddy's video game franchise,
Chad: and I wish all of them the best of luck in
Chad: making this into a successful feature film.
Chad: The talented crew over at Jim Hinton's
Chad: Creature Shop.
Chad: They were brought in to help bring the
Chad: stalking and murderous Pizza mascot
Chad: animatronics to life and, from what I've
Chad: seen in the trailer, they look pretty good
Chad: To star in the movie.
Chad: Josh Hutcherson was cast to play the
Chad: security guard, mike Schmidt.
Chad: Hutcherson played the role of Pita in the
Chad: Hunger Games movies.
Chad: Fun fact, hutcherson did the voice of the
Chad: main kid in the holiday classic the Polar
Chad: Express, a movie that gives some people,
Chad: including Mr Bo Ransodale, nightmares.
Chad: Along with Hutcherson, the movie cast
Chad: horror movie veteran and spooky monster
Chad: expert, matthew Lillard.
Chad: Matthew Lillard, of course, starred in the
Chad: screen movies and he was the face and voice
Chad: of Shaggy in countless Scooby-Doo, live
Chad: action and animated shorts and feature
Chad: films.
Chad: Lillard plays the movie's main villain,
Chad: william Afton.
Chad: Rounding out the cast is Mary Stewart
Chad: Masterson, if that name rings a bell.
Chad: She was in the film Fried Green Tomatoes
Chad: and co-starred with Johnny Depp in the
Chad: movie Benny in June.
Chad: Remember her?
Chad: If not, gosh grandparents, they'll tell you
Chad: all about her.
Chad: Due to the impact of the global pandemic,
Chad: filming was delayed until March of 2021.
Chad: All of these delays allowed two copycat
Chad: films to be released with similar robot
Chad: mascots killing innocent people.
Chad: One was the Banana Splits, a movie based on
Chad: the Hannah Barbera Saturday morning live
Chad: action show from the 70s.
Chad: In this movie, a family attends a live
Chad: taping of the Banana Splits Children's
Chad: television show, but they're forced to
Chad: survive in the studio as all of the
Chad: characters go haywire and start a killing
Chad: spree involving audience members.
Chad: There was also Willys Wonderland, which
Chad: starred Nicolas Cage as a quiet drifter who
Chad: takes a job as a janitor at the condemned
Chad: Willys Wonderland, a defunct family
Chad: entertainment restaurant where demonic
Chad: animatronics come to life and start killing
Chad: people.
Chad: As the team behind Five Nights at Freddy's
Chad: watch these imitators come and go, they
Chad: struggle with getting their movie into
Chad: production.
Chad: More issues with the script push filming
Chad: back all the way to February of 2023, where
Chad: then, finally, cameras started rolling in
Chad: New Orleans under the covert title Bad
Chad: Cupcake, an unfinished trailer was leaked
Chad: on the internet on May 7th of 2023, much to
Chad: the displeasure of Cawthon, the game's
Chad: creator.
Chad: The full trailer was ultimately made
Chad: available 10 days later and audiences got
Chad: their first look at Freddy Fazbear, bonnie,
Chad: chica and Foxy, and.
Chad: The early responses to the trailer were
Chad: mostly positive, with small but notable
Chad: callouts from a sharp-eyed, devoted fanbase
Chad: noting inconsistencies with their
Chad: expectations.
Chad: How did the movie perform at the box office?
Chad: Well, I don't really know.
Chad: This introduction is being recorded before
Chad: the movie lands in theaters, as well as on
Chad: the Paramount Plus streaming surface on the
Chad: exact same day.
Chad: A pretty bold move on the part of Paramount,
Chad: letting a movie release in theaters and on
Chad: streaming.
Chad: We'll see how that plays out.
Chad: The movie was tagged with a PG-13 rating,
Chad: following in the footsteps of the Blumhouse
Chad: hit film Megan, featured in this very
Chad: season.
Chad: This more tame rating will allow the film
Chad: to reach a broader and younger film-going
Chad: audience.
Chad: Producers did announce that, if the movie
Chad: is a success, a second and third movie will
Chad: be released, each based on the second and
Chad: third games in the franchise.
Chad: Will the ever-delayed Five Nights at
Chad: Freddy's movie be a success?
Chad: Will the wait for the live-action
Chad: adaptation pay off with a quality
Chad: production and will it meet the
Chad: expectations of FNAF video game and
Chad: internet commentators once released?
Chad: To answer those questions in order yes,
Chad: maybe, and absolutely not.
Chad: You know what?
Chad: Let's not waste any more time and get Mr Bo
Chad: Ransdale in here to discuss this movie in
Chad: way too much detail to see if it's any good.
Chad: Ladies and gentlemen, freddy's and Chica's,
Chad: put down your keyboard and mouse, grab a
Chad: slice and settle in as we try to survive
Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's.
Pick Six Bot: Initiate sequence number two in three two,
Pick Six Bot: one.
Chad: And welcome to Pick Six Movies.
Chad: I am human number one, chad Cooper, and I'm
Chad: joined by my lifelong friend, human number
Chad: two, mr Bo Ransdale.
Chad: Bo, how are you doing today?
Bo: As human as I've ever been Chad, feeling
Bo: corporeal, sentient, all of the things that
Bo: make up humanity.
Chad: It is a strange time to be alive, my friend.
Bo: Absolutely, if I can, before we get started
Bo: on our shenanigans.
Bo: Yes, all right.
Chad: So we're talking about Five Nights at
Chad: Freddy's, which is one of the more recent
Chad: movies we've ever Only movie we've ever
Chad: done that is actually playing in a theater
Chad: at the time of this recording.
Chad: Against all good thinking.
Bo: Yes, it is in a movie theater and you could
Bo: pay to go see this.
Bo: Yes, one thing that I found interesting is
Bo: I was listening to another podcast I enjoy
Bo: about movies.
Bo: They were really scratching their heads
Bo: over the fact that this was the number one
Bo: movie in the country the weekend that it
Bo: opened, to which I thought then you don't
Bo: have any interaction with children
Bo: whatsoever.
Bo: No, because as soon as this thing was
Bo: announced that was coming out in a few
Bo: weeks, all I heard was the talk of the Five
Bo: Nights at Freddy's movie.
Bo: Kids lost their damn mind Every single one
Bo: of them.
Bo: When I told one of the kids that I was
Bo: going to be seeing it and tell them I was
Bo: going to watch it in my underwear at home,
Bo: right Kids that I had in class when I told
Bo: them I was going to watch it, either said I
Bo: was their cool teacher or bemoaned the fact
Bo: that their parents were not taking them to
Bo: the movies.
Bo: Just hearing the buzz among children, I
Bo: knew this thing was going to be huge.
Chad: What I find most interesting is the chasm
Chad: between Rotten Tomatoes' critic scores and
Chad: Rotten Tomatoes' audience scores, because
Chad: this movie currently has a 28% freshness
Chad: rating by the critics Too high, 89% for
Chad: audiences.
Chad: Yeah, and you see that a lot, especially
Chad: for movies that are financially successful.
Chad: That Super Mario Bros movie just came in
Chad: below the freshness bar by the critics with
Chad: 59%.
Chad: 95% of audiences loved it.
Chad: That haunted mansion movie 37% critics, 84%
Chad: audiences.
Chad: The Meg 2, 28% critics, 73% audience.
Bo: None of this is surprising to me.
Bo: First of all, I saw Meg 2 and there is
Bo: plenty of stupid out there in the world to
Bo: think that movie is pretty good.
Bo: That's one of those that has a brisk enough
Bo: pace in the movie that you don't realize
Bo: you're watching a terrible movie until it's
Bo: over.
Chad: I saw that movie in the theaters with my
Chad: son and about the two-thirds mark I thought
Chad: aren't there supposed to be sharks in this
Chad: movie?
Chad: No, shit.
Bo: It's like when did this become?
Bo: Meg 2, the Dinosaurs?
Bo: Yeah, but that's kind of what I love about
Bo: it.
Bo: Like it took a real Skull Island approach
Bo: where it's like, wait a second, isn't there
Bo: a King Kong in this King Kong Skull Island
Bo: at some point?
Bo: But I'm okay with that.
Bo: Like you throw enough weird shit at the
Bo: screen and I'm at least entertained, right.
Bo: And so Meg 2, let me just say this for the
Bo: record Meg 2, a better movie than Five
Bo: Nights at Freddy's.
Bo: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bo: I mean it's a super low bar but it's better.
Bo: But yeah, all you had to do was just be
Bo: anywhere near a child or a teenage or
Bo: something like that to understand that this
Bo: movie was a phenomenon.
Bo: I've played the games a little bit.
Bo: I started in on that lore deep dive on
Bo: YouTube.
Bo: It's crazy.
Bo: And I watched the first one and I was like,
Bo: yeah, I was like this is all bullshit, I
Bo: don't care about any of this.
Bo: So I stopped.
Chad: It reeks of conspiracy theory.
Chad: They're filling in a lot of gaps and
Chad: connecting dots.
Chad: It's their own personal video game,
Chad: warshack, test of.
Chad: Yes, there's something here, but how did
Chad: you see?
Bo: that it's very JFK conspiracy theory.
Bo: There's a lot of magic bullet shit in there
Bo: and you know Michael Rooker needs to be
Bo: there, being the voice of reason.
Bo: This can't happen.
Chad: Let's talk about this movie because there's
Chad: a lot to say about this.
Chad: So the movie opens up and we get the
Chad: Blumhouse intro showing that panoply of
Chad: horror IPs that they now have their claws
Chad: into.
Chad: The movie opens proper and we see a
Chad: security guard using his fingers to loosen
Chad: some bolts that are holding an air vent
Chad: cover in place.
Chad: Now, bo, I am not trained in HVAC repair.
Chad: This is widely known.
Chad: But let me just say that movies have
Chad: continuously grossly overestimated the size
Chad: of air vents and the ability of people to
Chad: crawl around them.
Bo: We've seen it this season already with
Bo: chopping ball.
Chad: Die Hard, did it proper Now Five Nights at
Chad: Freddy's air.
Chad: Vents are meant to circulate air, not
Chad: people.
Chad: And they also don't serve as, like Super
Chad: Mario Brother, tubes to get you from one
Chad: place to another.
Chad: At best, bo, a small child might be able to
Chad: crawl through an air vent.
Chad: Not one of these porker kids I see riding
Chad: their e-scooters around my neighborhood.
Chad: Maybe one of them, simon Birch-sized kids,
Chad: could crawl around in an air vent.
Bo: Absolutely not a full-sized adult security
Bo: guard Every time I try to squeeze my fat
Bo: ass into an air vent.
Bo: I do, however, make the Super Mario
Bo: Brothers beom, beom, beom noise as if I'm
Bo: going to find myself in a cave full of gems.
Chad: Every time I sit down in a seat in a movie
Chad: theater I'm like whoa, the diet starts
Chad: tomorrow.
Bo: Oh yeah, man, I'm around high school school
Bo: desks all day long.
Bo: Every time I got to cram my fat ass into
Bo: one of those, like, oh geez, this was not
Bo: made for people of my girth and or height.
Chad: Hey, hey, hey.
Chad: I think they sent the middle school desks
Chad: to the high school.
Chad: What's going?
Bo: on here, right?
Bo: Why do you have so much room in your desk
Bo: and mine is so tight?
Bo: Switch desks with me.
Chad: Hey, I think you swapped one out on me, so
Chad: we have to have a touch of suspension, of
Chad: disbelief with this air vent situation,
Chad: which is not my biggest issue with this
Chad: movie because we're about to delve into
Chad: ghost children possessing robots.
Chad: We're far beyond calling shenanigans when
Chad: it comes to real world comparisons to air
Chad: vent sizes.
Chad: I will say my biggest complaint with this
Chad: movie overall is that it creates a world
Chad: propped up by loosely connected plot points
Chad: that fail to deliver a larger, cohesive
Chad: story.
Bo: I don't disagree with that.
Bo: I have a very specific moment in this movie
Bo: where I cry bullshit and the rest of the
Bo: movie doesn't work for me.
Bo: But we'll get to it.
Bo: We're not quite there.
Chad: This movie reminded me of watching improv,
Chad: but without the jokes.
Chad: Every single character in this movie says
Chad: something unexpected and bizarre and the
Chad: other person immediately greets it with a
Chad: yes and there are some conversations
Chad: between the Mike character in Vanessa.
Chad: Yeah.
Bo: That are very much what you're talking
Bo: about.
Chad: Like ghost children, you say and and the
Chad: robots come to life at night and bake
Chad: birthday cakes, because it's your birthday,
Chad: yes, and my grandmother is, yes and it's
Chad: nonsense.
Bo: But to get to this guy in the vent he comes
Bo: out in this storeroom, uh-huh.
Bo: Then we start to.
Bo: One is way through the back halls, because
Bo: the back of Freddie Fosbears pizza
Bo: wonderland is this labyrinth of hallways
Bo: and rooms and it's three times the size of
Bo: the restaurant itself.
Bo: We start seeing all these flashes of pastel
Bo: light and there's music playing that song,
Bo: I hear the secrets that you keep, which is
Bo: the, in quotes, creepy song of the movie we
Bo: see in silhouette a shape somewhere behind
Bo: him, like following him.
Bo: And then he comes to this gated security
Bo: door and can't get it open and it's a real
Bo: hole I can't get out of here.
Bo: And then the camera zooms in on him and he
Bo: turns and screams.
Bo: And this is when he wakes up in that chair
Bo: where he's trying to get the screw off
Bo: Again, another big screw that he's trying
Bo: to free himself with as Chad.
Bo: This animatronic bear mask is being lowered
Bo: onto his face.
Bo: Outwardly it's a stuffed animal bear.
Bo: Inside it is a saw trap of spinning blades
Bo: and saws and stuff.
Bo: Yeah, it's like what on earth was the
Bo: purpose of this other than to destroy a
Bo: human face?
Bo: I guess, I guess that's it.
Bo: And then he tries to get out but fails.
Bo: And then we cut away, of course, because
Bo: the other big problem with this movie I
Bo: understand that this is intended for
Bo: children, but given the subject matter, the
Bo: bloodless nature of it is strike the death
Bo: count is only five, because it's him and
Bo: then our four hooligans.
Bo: The aunt.
Chad: No, we don't know for sure.
Chad: She might just be passed out on the floor
Chad: from a little glug glug, and maybe Matthew
Chad: Lillard, no he signed up for three films.
Bo: God bless him.
Bo: Like I love Matthew Lillard, I think he's
Bo: great Bo.
Chad: this is a Blumhouse production.
Chad: We're going to see five more, five nights
Chad: at Freddy's.
Chad: There's going to be the Chica movie.
Chad: There's going to be the backstory of Foxy.
Chad: There's going to be an animated series.
Chad: They are going to squeeze this for all it's
Chad: worth.
Bo: That's good to hear because that's a bunch
Bo: of movies I don't ever have to see and that
Bo: feels liberating.
Chad: So we cut back to the dining room where we
Chad: get this rejected theme song to Stranger
Chad: Things.
Chad: It's this 80s inspired synthesizer beat
Chad: that would make John Carpenter roll his
Chad: eyes.
Chad: And then the camera pans over to a wall
Chad: covered with children's crayon drawings and
Chad: their kids with all of the characters from
Chad: the Five Nights at Freddy's stage show.
Chad: And then it specifically zeros in on an
Chad: image of a big yellow bunny holding hands
Chad: with a group of kids.
Chad: And then we cut to the opening credits of
Chad: this movie Credits.
Chad: We get a bunch of like eight bit or 16 bit
Chad: video game graphics of the pizza parlor
Chad: with four kids and then, one by one, we see
Chad: the computer graphic version of the yellow
Chad: bunny escort these eight bit kids off to go
Chad: somewhere.
Chad: This is foreshadowing, bo.
Chad: Oh eventually that all the kids are gone
Chad: and it just leaves the yellow bunny with a
Chad: menacing look over his shoulder as the
Chad: movie starts.
Chad: Proper cut to our film's hero, mike.
Chad: He wakes up at 6 am, bo, his alarm clock
Chad: goes off and he's got a cassette tape
Chad: player and he tosses a bottle of pills in
Chad: his drawer.
Chad: Been there, done that and he gets out of
Chad: bed and the camera reveals that there is a
Chad: poster taped to the ceiling above his bed,
Chad: not of a sexy model, but of a forest, and
Chad: in giant letters we read the word Nebraska.
Bo: Man, whatever gets you off.
Bo: What year does this movie take place?
Bo: You took the question out of my mouth.
Bo: I still don't know and I'm surprised when
Bo: things show up in this movie.
Bo: There's a moment later in the film where
Bo: Vanessa says, well, this was big back in
Bo: the 80s.
Bo: And I'm like then, when the fuck is this
Bo: set?
Bo: Because, as you pointed out, he's got the
Bo: 80s style cassette tape player.
Bo: You know that Walkman style of cassette
Bo: tape thing.
Bo: Nobody's got a cell phone in this movie.
Chad: I think Max has one, and it's a flip phone.
Chad: According to the internet which who's ever
Chad: lied on the internet it's supposed to take
Chad: place in the year 2000.
Chad: I got that from the synopsis of the movie
Chad: over on Wikipedia, which is how they start
Chad: the description in the year 2000.
Chad: They didn't talk about that security guard
Chad: that got killed in the opening, because you
Chad: know why, bo, none of that matters.
Chad: Hey, filmmakers, here's a bright idea.
Chad: When you're making a movie is something is
Chad: irrelevant to every character in the film
Chad: and has nothing to do with your overall
Chad: plot, leave it on the cutting room floor.
Chad: It's garbage and a waste of time.
Bo: You know what setting is Chad?
Bo: It's a combination of time and place and I
Bo: know one of those things in this movie.
Bo: I never know the other thing and I'm not
Bo: doing fucking homework to figure it out.
Bo: I hate the fact that all through this week
Bo: I hate this movie so much.
Bo: I hate the fact that from begin season,
Bo: this movie I'm having that thought as soon
Bo: as I saw that tape recorder was like okay,
Bo: so when is this?
Bo: Yeah, it's never answered.
Bo: Chad at no point in the movie does somebody
Bo: say hey, it's the year 2000.
Bo: We don't believe in child ghost
Bo: animatronics like a throwaway line like
Bo: that.
Chad: At least tells me when your movie is set
Chad: while we're on the topic, why does that
Chad: poster say Nebraska?
Chad: Right, this is the only big forest poster
Chad: he could find to look at before he goes to
Chad: sleep.
Bo: Yeah, they only make Nebraska brand forest
Bo: posters.
Chad: Right, because when I think Nebraska, I
Chad: think forests.
Bo: Right, you think forests, obviously the
Bo: mountains, and green beans.
Bo: Those are the things that you associate
Bo: with Nebraska.
Bo: So this asshole, after doing some, you know
Bo: I got to pump myself up pushups because
Bo: he's like five, two and you know he's got
Bo: little person energy when he's just like
Bo: I'm super strong, see, yeah, but you're
Bo: also very compact.
Chad: But he doesn't really do anything overly
Chad: physical in the movie.
Chad: I don't get why we're showing him working
Chad: out to be like oh, that's how he's strong.
Chad: Yes, at best, maybe he opens a jar of
Chad: pickles.
Bo: Well, he beats a shit out of a dad here in
Bo: a minute.
Bo: I guess that's something.
Chad: Yeah, but you get that from just rage.
Chad: A little scrawny person can do that.
Chad: Yeah, get him pissed off enough.
Bo: Yeah, napoleon didn't have to do pushups,
Bo: he just conquered the world.
Bo: So he checks in on his sister, abby.
Bo: His sister.
Bo: You ask, oh yeah, they tell you that
Bo: halfway through the movie and I'm like what?
Chad: Every person who watches this movie
Chad: immediately thinks this is his daughter.
Chad: The other characters in the movie do also.
Chad: I like that the other characters in the
Chad: movie ask questions that we have already
Chad: posed, because they are as confused as we
Chad: are watching it.
Bo: But it would be great if they asked them
Bo: the same time I did, as opposed to, you
Bo: know, 30 minutes later, when I'm like, okay,
Bo: it's gotta be his daughter, right?
Bo: Okay, it's his daughter.
Bo: And now that has like concretized in my
Bo: mind.
Chad: You can do it right here, because Mike
Chad: comes into her room and he says hey, we're
Chad: leaving in five minutes and Abby, who's
Chad: about 10 years old, she says you're being a
Chad: jerk.
Chad: And she tosses a stuffed animal at him.
Chad: You just have micro spawned.
Chad: All sisters think their big brothers are
Chad: jerks and you just put that to rest right
Chad: there.
Bo: This is one of the most poorly written
Bo: movies we have seen in some time and it
Bo: took him forever to get it so wrong.
Chad: So he cut to Mike and he's sitting in the
Chad: food court of a shopping mall where some
Chad: guy who we don't know but don't worry, this
Chad: character is not around for long he is
Chad: reading a book out loud to Mike.
Bo: That Mike has been reading.
Bo: It's Mike's book.
Chad: We see Mike looking at it earlier.
Chad: Yes.
Chad: And I think he's just flipping through,
Chad: looking for the pictures.
Chad: This guy's actually reading it and he's
Chad: like and though the dreamer remains asleep,
Chad: he walks through memory as if experiencing
Chad: it for the first time.
Chad: A new, no longer a passenger, but an active
Chad: participant.
Chad: Huh, is this for real, mike?
Chad: And Mike says some people believe it's real.
Chad: It depends on what you believe, and I
Chad: paused it.
Chad: I was like I got to write that down.
Bo: Yeah, that's just what you can tell
Bo: employees and the like when you give them
Bo: any edict at work.
Bo: Do we have to do this?
Bo: Well, some people believe it's real.
Chad: That's a shitty fortune cookie fortune.
Bo: The kind that you leave on the table.
Bo: You don't even bother to put it in your
Bo: pocket, where it gets washed and disappears.
Bo: There are a couple that you're like oh,
Bo: that's kind of an interesting one, I'll
Bo: keep this.
Bo: You're never going to keep it.
Bo: Yeah, you get what it's like.
Bo: The future is yet to be the past trash.
Bo: I'm just going to leave this on the plate
Bo: of General Sos.
Bo: Let them throw it away.
Bo: Also, chad this whole dream theory,
Bo: business kind of sort of matters.
Bo: But if it weren't in the movie it would not
Bo: change anything substantially.
Bo: How about this we're?
Chad: in a quote unquote horror movie featuring
Chad: people participating in lucid dreaming, and
Chad: this movie also includes the word Freddy's
Chad: right, and I thought it was weird that
Chad: there was the red and green sweater on
Chad: Freddy Fazbear.
Chad: At one point all the ghost kids attacking
Chad: with slashing finger blades or something
Chad: and I was like what are you doing five
Chad: nights at Freddy's?
Bo: I mean you talk about Megan being a movie
Bo: that liberally rips shit off.
Bo: Five nights at Freddy's is honestly it's
Bo: like what if Nightmare on Elm Street met
Bo: Charles Entertainment Chiefs?
Bo: And that's kind of this movie.
Chad: It's like they just opened up the fridge
Chad: looking all the leftovers of other worn out
Chad: franchises and just mix those ingredients
Chad: together and this is what you got.
Chad: Is it edible?
Bo: It won't kill you.
Bo: Yeah, it's the drunk fridge raid of movies
Bo: where you're like you know what?
Bo: I will have that.
Bo: Butterscotch pudding and spaghetti.
Bo: Do they go together?
Bo: Nope, but I'm just hungry enough to eat
Bo: both of them.
Chad: Mike walks over to get some ice cream.
Chad: All the time he's clocking the mall looking
Chad: for suspicious activity and he spots this
Chad: kid just hanging out by himself.
Chad: And this adult comes over and grabs the kid
Chad: by the arm and quickly escorts the kid away,
Chad: somewhat aggressively, and my immediate
Chad: thought is that this is this kid's pissed
Chad: off dad and not a pedophile child murderer.
Bo: Right, because you don't want to make a
Bo: fucking scene.
Bo: You know, I'm not trying to tell pedophiles
Bo: how to do their business, shad but it's not
Bo: going to be this.
Chad: Tommy, get your ass over here.
Chad: You're going to get in the car and you're
Chad: going to shut up.
Bo: That's an angry dad, but Mike who is not
Bo: bothering to flirt with the pretty cute
Bo: pixie-ish ice cream lady who's like you're
Bo: usual, mike the ice cream girl does say
Bo: when are you going to bring your sister by?
Chad: This is the first time that the movie
Chad: attempts to establish Abbey as Mike's
Chad: sister.
Chad: But before we can get into that, mike just
Chad: dashes after this father and son, and here
Chad: is where we for the first time see that
Chad: Mike is wearing a shirt that reads security.
Chad: So I was like, oh, he works at the mall.
Chad: Mm-hmm.
Bo: I also like the fact that he has gone full
Bo: red pill on this.
Bo: Yeah, he's like, oh, and he told me that
Bo: these pedophiles will be grabbing kids left
Bo: and right these malls.
Bo: I got to go get this son of a bitch and
Bo: just goes ballistic, push and pass people
Bo: as he chases this father and his kid.
Bo: When he reaches this father, he launches
Bo: himself like he's a thunder cat at this dad,
Bo: knocking him into a fountain where he
Bo: proceeds to beat the ever living shit out
Bo: of him.
Chad: He goes full sailor Ripley from Wild at
Chad: Heart.
Chad: He turns this guy's head into rotten
Chad: pumpkin mush.
Chad: Yeah, mike's gonna get sued.
Chad: Mike needs to law your up.
Bo: Fast, yeah, cut to Chad.
Bo: The lobby of some job finder, slash, career
Bo: counselor place or something seems like you
Bo: could at least put something on the wall to
Bo: tell us where we are.
Bo: Hey, production design, put a fucking sign
Bo: on the wall.
Bo: How about that time and place?
Bo: That's all a setting is.
Bo: You only have to get two fucking things
Bo: right, and this movie can't do either one.
Bo: God damn it.
Bo: Chad so he gets called into Matthew
Bo: Lillard's office is like oh for Christ's
Bo: thanks God, there's something interesting
Bo: to look at.
Chad: Matthew Lillard has a name plate that reads
Chad: Steve Raglan, for what it's worth.
Chad: Over on IMDB he is listed as Steve Raglan
Chad: slash William Afton.
Chad: Yeah.
Chad: The latter of which being the notorious bad
Chad: guy in the Five Nights at Freddy's canon.
Chad: And we'll get into the convoluted lack of
Chad: logic as to why this sinister mastermind
Chad: behind this movie's paranormal, murderous
Chad: child killing shenanigans, william Afton,
Chad: is working in an unemployment office.
Bo: What Absolute.
Bo: This is the point where, especially
Bo: watching at the second time, I was like
Bo: what in the Everliving hell is this guy
Bo: doing?
Chad: working this job it would be like if jigsaw
Chad: from the saw movies was picking up a few
Chad: hours at the DMV.
Chad: Right leather face is driving a forklift
Chad: over at the Frito Lay warehouse out at the
Chad: industrial park right, is he just laying
Chad: low?
Bo: all I need out of this is at the end, when
Bo: Matthew Lillard is given his big villain
Bo: speech at the end of this spoilers he's the
Bo: villain at the end of this everyone knew
Bo: that going in.
Chad: Right, if you were excited about seeing
Chad: this movie, you knew that going in.
Chad: And I also want to say, if you watch this
Chad: movie and you didn't know that at all, when
Chad: the big reveal happens, it's done in such a
Chad: sloppy way that when he pops off the rabbit
Chad: head, like if you didn't know who Matthew
Chad: Lillard was, I honestly believe when the
Chad: reveal happens, your reaction could have
Chad: been who is this?
Bo: well as a person that enjoys Matthew
Bo: Lillard, especially in that Twin Peaks
Bo: season 3.
Bo: He's so good in that he's a good actor and
Bo: he's kind of an interesting character actor.
Bo: He's got like an interesting face and
Bo: interesting delivery.
Bo: He's not quite crisp and glover weird but
Bo: he's interesting when.
Chad: I think of Matthew Lillard.
Chad: My brain immediately goes to the
Chad: descendants.
Chad: Okay, with George Clooney, because he shows
Chad: up in that and he was really good.
Chad: He's a good actor.
Chad: His role in this is so badly written.
Chad: That's the problem.
Chad: He's having a little fun with it,
Chad: absolutely.
Chad: There's just not much fun to be had.
Bo: It's like here play with this rock right
Bo: okay, but at the end of this movie, if he
Bo: had said something like you know, man, I
Bo: was the planned guidance counselor to this
Bo: stupid job, so I could get new victims.
Bo: Man, anything right, anything.
Bo: It goes back to that Simpsons the Raven bit.
Bo: Hey, lisa, you know what would have been
Bo: scarier than that?
Bo: What?
Bo: Anything and this is that of you know what
Bo: would be better than not talking about any
Bo: of this, discussing it even the littlest
Bo: bit?
Bo: Get, give me some sense of this world and
Bo: these people and this characters, and why
Bo: they're doing the things that they do.
Bo: There is no character motivation, there is
Bo: no setting.
Bo: It drives me up the fucking wall.
Bo: The one thing I do like about this moment,
Bo: though, is when Matthew Lillard is kind of
Bo: going through Mike's file.
Bo: He looks something, goes, say man, what are
Bo: you?
Chad: some kind of head case or something like
Chad: your work history shows you get fired
Chad: almost immediately from every job.
Chad: I assume from beating people up and putting
Chad: them in the hospital man, and, like you're,
Chad: the hero of this movie.
Bo: Strange indeed hey, well, look, I gotta
Bo: tell you, man, your options are kind of
Bo: limited on account of you beating the shit
Bo: out of strangers, man, and Mike's like yeah,
Bo: I need a job, real bad.
Chad: And Matthew Lillard says like I get that,
Chad: mike.
Chad: Hey, on a second, let me take a look at
Chad: your last name.
Chad: I never really took time to like read it
Chad: earlier.
Chad: I got caught up in all the details of your
Chad: latest battery charges.
Chad: Like let's see here, mike shit, like that's
Chad: a surprise.
Chad: Auga.
Chad: Like I do have a job for you.
Chad: It's like working as a security officer,
Chad: Like all you gotta do is keep people out of
Chad: the place overnight.
Chad: Man, Ha ha, ha ha.
Bo: And Mike is like uh, you said I've gotta
Bo: keep people out and also tidy the place up.
Bo: That's two things.
Bo: Hey, that sounds like a joke that could be
Bo: used as a callback later.
Bo: But I can't take this job because it's
Bo: nights and I don't work nights.
Chad: Hey, man, just take my card, you might
Chad: change your mind and Mike heads home and he
Chad: finds a red eviction notice on the door.
Chad: Mm-hmm.
Chad: And he walks inside his home to find Max, a
Chad: young woman in her late teens or early 20s
Chad: on the couch watching the home shopping
Chad: network where they are selling fake diamond
Chad: rings.
Chad: Now, I assumed that this was possibly
Chad: Mike's sister that the ice cream pixie was
Chad: referring to earlier.
Bo: Mm-hmm Could possibly be.
Chad: Josh Hutcherson in this movie was 30 years
Chad: old when it fell and he looks at Abby is 10.
Chad: Mm-hmm.
Chad: And I get that siblings can be 20 years
Chad: apart.
Chad: I understand enough about biology and
Chad: genealogy to grasp that concept.
Chad: However, as we said earlier, this movie
Chad: does not explicitly detail character
Chad: relationships and it is frustrating.
Bo: Also Max, as she's watching this show, like
Bo: you said, could be his sister, his
Bo: girlfriend.
Bo: Any relationship Like we don't understand
Bo: this relationship ever really as watching
Bo: TV she goes.
Chad: I sure wish somebody would buy me a ring.
Bo: Oh so she's his girlfriend, Right, Exactly,
Bo: but that's not what's going on Right, like
Bo: you say that line and what that tells me as
Bo: a viewer of other movies.
Bo: They're dating, she's more serious, but
Bo: Mike is all caught up in his own bullshit
Bo: and hasn't committed to the relationship.
Bo: I understand this relationship.
Bo: I understand these characters.
Bo: Oh wait, that's not what's going on here.
Chad: Oh, so it's just nothing we're going to
Chad: find out later that Max has a boyfriend
Chad: named Jeff, and she's not even interested
Chad: in Mike.
Chad: Right, this line shouldn't be in this movie.
Chad: It's so frustrating Jeff.
Bo: this movie sucks so much.
Chad: Mike goes to Abby's room and Abby's drawing
Chad: pictures with her crayons and Mike says hey,
Chad: abby, tell me about this drawing.
Chad: And Abby says that's you, these are my
Chad: friends.
Chad: And this happy little fellow in the sky is
Chad: the sun.
Chad: Talk about a call back.
Chad: And Mike says that's great, we're going to
Chad: eat now.
Chad: He sits on the bed and Abby says you're
Chad: sitting on my friend, and I'm like, oh so
Chad: she has imaginary friends.
Bo: Also does not matter.
Bo: In the movie Chad Not at all, because at no
Bo: point does he mistake what's going on at
Bo: Freddy's for her having imaginary friends.
Bo: That is never a thing, so why on earth do
Bo: it?
Chad: Yeah, I'll get into it a little bit later,
Chad: but I think that there's a way that you
Chad: could have stitched this together.
Chad: Just no one was paying attention at all.
Chad: So Mike and Abby get into it and it ends
Chad: with Mike breaking some of Abby's crayons
Chad: hey, abs, be glad, that's all he broke.
Chad: And Mike says fine, don't eat dinner.
Chad: But remember, kids, you don't eat dinner,
Chad: Stay the same size forever and don't get to
Chad: ride the adult rides at the amusement park.
Chad: And I was like none of this matters.
Chad: The imaginary friends, the broken crayons,
Chad: the amusement park bribe.
Chad: Abby looks like a kid who has zero interest
Chad: in going to an amusement park.
Bo: If she were drawing pictures of said
Bo: amusement parks, that would be something,
Bo: but none of that.
Bo: Oh Chad, why doesn't?
Chad: anything add up at this movie.
Chad: She tells Mike my friend thinks you're an
Chad: idiot and Mike says oh yeah, I'm real and
Chad: he leaves Uh-huh.
Chad: At this moment I paused and I thought I
Chad: think most ventriloquists had imaginary
Chad: friends as children.
Chad: And I think that Jeff.
Chad: Dunham's childhood, invisible friends were
Chad: all racist, sexist, homophobic nationalists.
Bo: Look ventriloquists, as children have to
Bo: get friends where they can find him, chad,
Bo: in the real world.
Bo: It's going to be a harsh place for
Bo: harvesting that kind of friendship.
Bo: Most of them are going to have to turn to
Bo: the invisible world.
Chad: Later that night, mike, he pops some
Chad: sleeping pills, turns on his cassette tape
Chad: player, pops on his headphones and we hear
Chad: nature noises and he stares up at the visit
Chad: Nebraska for a sign above his bed and he
Chad: drifts off to the land of Nod where that
Chad: night he had a dream.
Chad: He dreamt he was lighter than ether, a
Chad: floating spirit visiting things to come.
Chad: The shades and shadows of the people in his
Chad: life raised their way into his slumber.
Chad: He dreamt that Gale and Evelle had decided
Chad: to return to prison.
Chad: Probably that's just as well.
Chad: He didn't mean to sound superior, they were
Chad: as well a couple of guys, but maybe they
Chad: weren't ready to come out into the real
Chad: world.
Chad: Keep going.
Chad: And then I dreamt on into the future
Chad: farther than I'd ever dreamed before, to a
Chad: Christmas mourn in the Arizona home where
Chad: Nathan Jr was opening a present from a
Chad: kindly couple who preferred to remain
Chad: unknown.
Chad: Oh, it's man.
Chad: Now there's a screenplay that does not have
Chad: a word or a shot out of place.
Chad: You read the screenplay for Raising Arizona.
Chad: It is a blueprint for that movie.
Chad: The exception maybe, like one or two scenes
Chad: that were left on the cutting room floor
Chad: that arguably didn't need to be.
Bo: Yeah, like you said, that is a movie where
Bo: everything has a place and everything has
Bo: setting, tone, characterization.
Bo: It all builds to a thing Story arc,
Bo: resolution, honest to goodness, jokes Like
Bo: I think there are jokes in this movie,
Bo: although I'm not going to swear to that,
Bo: because nothing made me laugh or nothing
Bo: was amusing Our hero, by the way, popping
Bo: pills, because all heroes do that and then
Bo: having this vision where the movie's like,
Bo: hey, as if we weren't enough of a downer of
Bo: a film already and you're already confused
Bo: as to who these people are and what the
Bo: fuck is going on, let's do this weird dream
Bo: flashback where, yes, it's a dream, but
Bo: it's also a thing that totally happened
Bo: where, as a child, mike and his parents are
Bo: out camping, mike is put in charge of
Bo: watching the younger brother, garrett, who
Bo: goes missing, and the only thing you see is
Bo: a car pulling away and Mike screaming after
Bo: it.
Chad: Garrett has also got a red toy airplane in
Chad: his hand.
Bo: Yes, and then he wakes up.
Bo: I mean, that's sort of just.
Bo: We establish the dream because we're going
Bo: to spend an inordinate amount of time in
Bo: this movie, in that dream.
Chad: Also, anytime a kid is put into the back of
Chad: a car and driven away immediately hearkens
Chad: back to Mystic River.
Chad: Yeah.
Chad: Is that my girl in that car?
Chad: Is that my girl in that car?
Chad: There are only a handful of movies that
Chad: I've only seen once that were excellent
Chad: films that I will never, ever watch again.
Chad: Yeah, mystic River is on that list.
Bo: It's a great movie, but it's one and done.
Chad: I've only seen Schindler's list from
Chad: beginning to end once.
Chad: I think I will watch that again at some
Chad: point in my life, but it made such a
Chad: lasting impact that I was like I don't know
Chad: that I can go through that again.
Chad: I agree, I need some time, and watching
Chad: this kid drive off in the woods it's like
Chad: this is horrible.
Bo: Yeah, and then we go to, I guess, a scene
Bo: that's sort of played for last, which is
Bo: Mary Stuart Masterson as the aunt in a
Bo: lawyer's office or social workers office.
Bo: I would never really sure what this
Bo: character is.
Bo: The woman behind the desk.
Chad: Yeah, she's like the principal social
Chad: worker, counselor, something or something
Chad: that has some sort of legal standing or
Chad: something, but anyway.
Bo: So there's Mary Stuart Masterson as the
Bo: aunt, her dumpy lawyer, doug and Mike, yeah,
Bo: and the guidance counselor slash principal,
Bo: slash social worker is apparently
Bo: adjudicating some sort of custody hearing.
Bo: She has no legal authority to do any of
Bo: this?
Chad: Do we know that for sure?
Chad: Good point, mary Stuart Masterson.
Chad: She was almost a member of the brat pack
Chad: you know with, like Robert Downey Jr and
Chad: Demi Moore and that whole cast of the
Chad: breakfast club.
Chad: She did a bunch of work in television later
Chad: in her career.
Bo: Yeah, she's really good in some kind of
Bo: wonderful way.
Chad: She's kind of having fun in this as much as
Chad: possible.
Chad: She looks over at Mike in this setting and
Chad: she's like just look at my nephew.
Chad: It's not even 10 o'clock and he can barely
Chad: keep his eyes open.
Chad: This degenerate is the one they put in
Chad: charge of my mentally ill niece who loves
Chad: to color and talks to imaginary friends,
Chad: and I was like I'm not sure that a kid who
Chad: likes to draw and talks to imaginary
Chad: friends should be tagged as mentally ill,
Chad: Absolutely not.
Bo: She is seemingly a fairly normal child.
Chad: Completely, although I do like it when I
Chad: meet adults that have the audacity to refer
Chad: to a child as an old soul.
Chad: That's totally code, for this kid is a
Chad: weirdo.
Chad: Those kids that walk around wearing shawls
Chad: and reading 19th century poetry and drink
Chad: Earl Grey tea they really get into knitting
Chad: at an early age.
Chad: Like in all of this is self-initiated.
Bo: Yeah, I have a friend of mine whose kid
Bo: ironically plays 80s music on a mandolin
Bo: which.
Bo: I find very entertaining.
Bo: Don't get me wrong.
Bo: I'm not sure how it plays to the larger
Bo: crowd of students around them, but I'm into
Bo: it.
Bo: But yeah, it's that kind of thing of like
Bo: this is an affectation.
Chad: Here's something else that this movie just
Chad: butchers.
Chad: They never explain what happened to Mike's
Chad: parents.
Chad: They touch on it a little bit, one of them
Chad: is dead and then the other one just skips
Chad: tout.
Chad: And the aunt is this?
Chad: The mom sister, the dad sister?
Chad: Just having a line of dialogue, I promised
Chad: my sister I would make sure that their
Chad: youngest was taken care of.
Bo: Something like that, right, just anything
Bo: again, I'm so frustrated by this movie not
Bo: giving you important pieces of information,
Bo: and maybe this is stuff that's addressed in
Bo: the books or the games or something
Bo: surrounding Five Nights at Freddy's.
Chad: I think all of this is new nonsense.
Bo: But it's so poorly constructed Like almost
Bo: feels like it's a concerted effort to
Bo: conceal important pieces of information
Bo: about these characters, like they are going
Bo: out of their way to make it difficult to
Bo: understand what is happening in the
Bo: relationships between people At this point
Bo: the school counselor slash principal lady.
Chad: She says Mary Stuart Masterson, you need to
Chad: calm down.
Chad: And Mary Stuart Masterson says me, calm
Chad: down, I'm not the crazy one.
Chad: Plus, did you hear that Mike over here beat
Chad: up a dad in front of his kid at the mall
Chad: and he got fired from his job?
Chad: What a loser.
Chad: I'm the one who's more responsible to take
Chad: care of that nut job of a weirdo kid
Chad: outside.
Chad: Doug the lawyer hand him the papers and
Chad: then Doug the shlubby lawyer, he hands over
Chad: some official looking papers and shows that
Chad: Mary Stuart Masterson is requesting
Chad: guardianship over Abby.
Chad: Yes, this is where I want to pause for him,
Chad: please, and explain how you could make this
Chad: movie a little better, just with a few
Chad: tweaks.
Chad: Number one you don't have Mike be a dirtbag,
Chad: OK, prone to fits of rage and beating up
Chad: innocent fathers.
Chad: Yeah.
Bo: Yeah.
Chad: In public.
Bo: A heroic character acting heroic would be
Bo: great.
Bo: Yes.
Chad: Right, you can have that same scene.
Chad: Have Mike chase down the father and son and
Chad: confront him verbally, but then realize he
Chad: was in the wrong.
Chad: Ok, you get the same outcome without as
Chad: many bloody knuckles as we see.
Bo: May I tweak that very slightly Please?
Bo: So if he had confronted him and realized
Bo: the father being really angry and saying,
Bo: hey, this is my kid back off, that kind of
Bo: thing.
Bo: If Mike had then said something about you
Bo: need to take care of him I was worried
Bo: because he looked like he was in distress
Bo: and you need to love your son and go for
Bo: the emotional beat there where you
Bo: understand that Mike is kind of wounded and
Bo: is being haunted by this idea that he led
Bo: his brother down.
Bo: And then you got a thing.
Chad: Absolutely.
Chad: I completely agree.
Chad: The scene following that you have Mike go
Chad: see Abby and you have the two of them bond
Chad: with each other.
Chad: You show that they love each other and the
Chad: two are trying to get by the best they can.
Chad: You don't have him be at odds with Abby and
Chad: explain what happened to the mom and the
Chad: dad.
Chad: Here and in each of these cases, mike has
Chad: the best of intentions for other people.
Chad: The kid in the mall, as well as Abby, and
Chad: Mike is someone that we as the audience
Chad: want to root for.
Chad: Then, in this scene with the aunt, we're
Chad: rooting for Mike because you don't want him
Chad: to lose the one family member that he has
Chad: left and that he loves, and you know that
Chad: Abby loves him as well.
Bo: And you've proven that.
Bo: The one character trait that Mike has is he
Bo: wants to protect children.
Bo: Right, and if you give him who doesn't love
Bo: a person who wants to help and save
Bo: children at that point he is, you were
Bo: totally on his side for the entire movie.
Chad: Give him a dog and done deal.
Chad: Pal Right, mike looks at these papers
Chad: requesting guardianship and he says oh,
Chad: what if I don't sign these papers?
Chad: And Mary Stuart Masterson says well then
Chad: we'll see you in court and we'll make sure
Chad: you'll never see our sister again.
Chad: And both this, almost 20 minutes into the
Chad: movie, was the point where I realized
Chad: Abby's his sister.
Chad: And then Mike says you don't even care
Chad: about Abby, you just want that monthly
Chad: check from the state.
Chad: And I was like, wait, that's Mary Stuart
Chad: Masterson's motive, a monthly check from
Chad: the state.
Chad: She's got lawyer money.
Chad: Like, how much is this check?
Chad: If it's that much, why does Mike need a job?
Bo: If Mary Stuart Masterson is in financial
Bo: straits, just stop paying the lawyer and
Bo: that's your money for the month that you
Bo: would get from you know, taking care of the
Bo: child.
Bo: Also way less headaches.
Bo: Not paying a lawyer versus having a child
Bo: in your home.
Chad: The Mary Stuart Masterson and character is
Chad: not needed in this film.
Chad: She is a distracting second tier villain
Chad: with no real purpose other than serving as
Chad: a convoluted on ramp for some other
Chad: characters who we'll talk about in just a
Chad: moment.
Chad: All you have to do in this film is take the
Chad: Mary Stuart Masterson character and go cast
Chad: that social worker lady from the Megan
Chad: movie and have her serve the same purpose
Chad: that she did in the Megan movie,
Chad: essentially coming in saying like hey, Mike,
Chad: if you don't get a job, improve that you
Chad: are providing a stable environment for Abby.
Chad: The state is going to take her, put her in
Chad: a home and you're going to lose your sister.
Chad: Done and done.
Chad: Yes, you don't have to have this Cruella
Chad: DeVille character show up wanting to take
Chad: Abby and strip off her skin to make a coat
Chad: or something.
Bo: Yes, although that would have been much
Bo: better if they'd done that.
Bo: After Doug and Mary Stuart Masterson leave,
Bo: even Mike just turns to the principal slash
Bo: social worker and is like you know, I think
Bo: she's right.
Bo: I suck at this and you're like how am I
Bo: supposed to root for you if you're not
Bo: rooting for yourself?
Chad: He says to this principal lady I'm hardly
Chad: fit to raise a kid.
Chad: I'm prone to fits of rage.
Chad: I take a lot of pills.
Bo: I haven't fed her in two, no three days.
Bo: Dog food is expensive for a kid.
Bo: What the social worker slash principal even
Bo: says, like she has to talk a bit to it.
Bo: Like you know, pictures are very powerful
Bo: for children.
Bo: And guess who's in all of Abby's pictures?
Bo: It's you beating people up and yelling.
Bo: Yeah, I guess you're right that.
Bo: I guess I'm important to her and she's like
Bo: look first things first.
Bo: You need to find a steady job that doesn't
Bo: end with you beating someone up.
Bo: Is there a job that you know of where you
Bo: would be completely alone in an isolated
Bo: environment where you can do almost no
Bo: damage?
Chad: Just a few scenes ago, matthew Lilller gave
Chad: me this, this card with a number on it, and
Chad: he has a job that I could take.
Chad: Maybe I could call him.
Chad: Yes, mike, do that.
Bo: All right, just get him out of my office at
Bo: the school or government building where I
Bo: work.
Chad: So Mike and Abby, they return home and Mike
Chad: picks up the phone and calls Matthew
Chad: Lillard using an old style push button
Chad: phone.
Chad: What?
Bo: year is this?
Bo: I know?
Bo: I swear to God, if somebody on this
Bo: production team was like, no, we want to
Bo: make it timeless, you can go fuck yourself.
Bo: I need to know when this movie is taking
Bo: place, because when you specifically
Bo: reference a time period later, you're like,
Bo: oh, it happened in the 80s.
Bo: Ok, great.
Bo: So when is this?
Bo: Give me some reference for anything?
Chad: Fix up the earpiece and gives the old timey
Chad: phone a crank like Sarah.
Chad: Get me Mount Pilate, yeah.
Bo: Freddy's 467,.
Bo: Please Connecting yes, Lillard here.
Chad: Mike calls Matthew Lillard, says he'll take
Chad: the job and Matthew Lillard then gives us a
Chad: whole bunch of exposition and he says like
Chad: let me give you a little backstory on this
Chad: job.
Chad: Like back in the 80s, man, this place was
Chad: huge with kids, but it's been shut down for
Chad: years.
Chad: Like it's not been given the wrecking ball
Chad: because the owner is a sentimental kind of
Chad: guy.
Chad: I guess he had some troubles with break-ins
Chad: with like drunks and vagrants mostly.
Chad: Like there's a security system with cameras
Chad: inside and out and the electricity is a bit
Chad: iffy.
Chad: If anything happens, man, like flip the
Chad: power breaker in the office and just watch
Chad: the monitors and keep the people out.
Chad: Like it's a piece of cake.
Chad: Man.
Bo: And this is heavily taken from the first
Bo: game, like they're you know, these are the
Bo: instructions given which begs the question
Bo: why don't they ever do the thing that
Bo: happens in the game, which would actually
Bo: work in this movie, where he's watching the
Bo: monitors and seeing these things move
Bo: around, even if it's just for like a night,
Bo: and then you get back to the other story
Bo: that I don't care about.
Chad: Right, but why not do the thing that the
Chad: game is famous for.
Chad: It seems like it lends itself to a
Chad: suspenseful moment of the doors opening and
Chad: closing and the lights going off and on.
Chad: Yeah Well, also, they waver back and forth
Chad: as to whether or not the lumbering robots
Chad: are actual bad guys.
Bo: Right Another problem with this movie am I
Bo: supposed to be sympathetic towards these
Bo: horrifying animatronic monsters or am I
Bo: supposed to think they are horrifying
Bo: animatronic monsters?
Bo: Yes, and the movie never clearly says Not
Bo: at all Up until the end.
Chad: It's either or both and neither, but all of
Chad: that at the same time and at the same time.
Chad: None of that.
Chad: Yes, mike, during all of this exposition he
Chad: approaches the rundown Freddy Fazbear's
Chad: location.
Chad: He goes inside and the place doesn't really
Chad: look too worse for the wear.
Bo: Yeah, it looks like you could do some light
Bo: dusting in this place is ready for business.
Chad: Mike lips on the main power breaker, and
Chad: the front of the place lights up with this
Chad: cartoon sign with the bear on it and all of
Chad: these dancing lights.
Chad: The building now screams come here.
Chad: We're possibly over Right, why on?
Bo: earth.
Bo: Would you have all of this stuff still
Bo: turned on Again, looking at Matthew
Bo: Lillard's end game here, which is I now own
Bo: this building that is kept in working order,
Bo: where I have murdered children.
Bo: Spoilers.
Chad: Years, if not decades ago.
Bo: You're right, and I stopped, which is great,
Bo: sure, but I still might do it occasionally.
Bo: Some light child murder, a hobby, great,
Bo: where you're not doing it as you know, like,
Bo: hey, you want to make something you love
Bo: into something you hate.
Bo: Do it for a job, and Matthew Lillard has
Bo: learned this lesson.
Bo: It's like I can't just kill children all
Bo: the time, because then it becomes work and
Bo: I want to enjoy it.
Chad: You think it's a great idea to go live in
Chad: Las Vegas when you move there and a month
Chad: later you're like this was a mistake.
Bo: Yeah, so he is taking I don't know five
Bo: years, 10 years, 30 years off, whenever
Bo: this is after the 80s.
Chad: Let's also touch on the fact that Matthew
Chad: Lillard was looking at his name and it's
Chad: like oh, you happen to have the last name
Chad: of a kid that I murdered.
Chad: Yes, you should come work as a security
Chad: guard at the place, then gets upset when he
Chad: starts to sniff around and figure things
Chad: out.
Chad: Also, this place is full of robots that are
Chad: haunted with ghost children, that sing
Chad: secrets that you keep by the romantics over
Chad: and over again.
Bo: Yes.
Chad: Alright.
Chad: So Mike's in the back office and there's a
Chad: top load VCR with a tape in it with his
Chad: name on the outside.
Chad: Mike smashes it down and hits play and we
Chad: see this 80s era training video for
Chad: security guards at Freddy Fazbear's and it
Chad: tells you nothing.
Chad: You know she's just like hey welcome for
Chad: being a security guard here.
Chad: The owner of this place had two passions
Chad: family entertainment and free roaming
Chad: robots with lithium batteries to terrify
Chad: adults and children alike.
Chad: And then there's some distortion in the
Chad: video that hints that things are a little
Chad: wonky.
Chad: So Mike naturally smacks the TV, not
Chad: understanding that this is not an issue
Chad: with the monitor.
Chad: It's probably the cassette tape or the
Chad: player itself.
Chad: Mike, you unlikable dummy.
Chad: For some reason other than it was what was
Chad: next in the script, mike goes over and
Chad: opens a locker where we are greeted with a
Chad: failed jump scare including a nine inch
Chad: tall balloon boy figurine.
Chad: It kind of looks like it has one of those
Chad: oversized bobbleheads and the kids holding
Chad: a balloon and wearing a beanie cap, and
Chad: it's not even that creepy of a figurine.
Chad: And it's never explained in the movie
Chad: either.
Chad: It's in the movie a lot, and it's other
Chad: than here's this thing.
Bo: I think it's some kind of collectible from
Bo: the game.
Bo: Maybe maybe it's got to be some kind of nod
Bo: to the games that I just haven't played
Bo: enough to get.
Bo: But again, why on earth fill your movie
Bo: with stuff that is going to make it
Bo: impossible for someone who has not gone
Bo: down the rabbit hole of these games, Like,
Bo: yeah, I mean it was successful and all that,
Bo: but it is just impenetrable to anyone who
Bo: is not already in the world.
Bo: Why do you want to get an increasing share
Bo: of a shrinking market as opposed to make
Bo: this accessible for everyone?
Chad: Put yourself in Mike's shoes.
Chad: You walk over and you open a locker let's
Chad: assume Matthew Lillard said there was a
Chad: security vest for you to wear in a locker
Chad: and you open the locker and you see this
Chad: figurine that's the height of a soft drink,
Chad: can?
Chad: It's not going to scare you?
Bo: No, no, no, no, You're not going to.
Bo: Oh right, you would be like what the fuck
Bo: is this thing?
Chad: I knew a guy who used to go and purchase
Chad: large cardboard cutouts of people and leave
Chad: them at work.
Chad: It was in a restaurant, like in storage
Chad: rooms and in where we kept the liquor, and
Chad: he bought a six foot tall stone cold Steve
Chad: Austin.
Chad: He got a giant cutout of Jim Carrey in the
Chad: mask from an old Hollywood video and he
Chad: would just leave them in there to scare the
Chad: shit out of people when they opened up
Chad: these dark closets and found what they
Chad: initially thought was a human being waiting
Chad: for them Albeit, one of them wearing a
Chad: yellow suit suit and the other one wearing
Chad: tiny little black man panties holding a
Chad: crumpled beer can.
Chad: Uh-huh, but that scared people.
Chad: I get that Sure.
Chad: Oh my God, there's a person here.
Chad: I didn't open a locker and see a precious
Chad: moments figurine in there and shit my pants.
Bo: I like that bit of chaos that your coworker
Bo: was introducing, yeah, but you're right,
Bo: within the context of this movie, this
Bo: doesn't make sense and it's irrelevant and
Bo: unnecessary.
Bo: There's even a post credit stinger with
Bo: this same gag in it and it's like I don't
Bo: get this because there's nothing to get.
Chad: It doesn't make any sense.
Bo: Oh, I hate this so much Shit.
Chad: Mike wanders around the pizzeria and he
Chad: makes his way over to that big wall of
Chad: crayon drawings we saw in the opening
Chad: credits and he goes past the tables in the
Chad: dining room and he hears a kvunk in the
Chad: back and Mike says hello, because it's
Chad: probably one of those drunk vagrants.
Chad: Mm-hmm.
Chad: And Mike pulls back the curtain a bit and
Chad: for the first time, we get to see the
Chad: Freddie Fazbear characters, including
Chad: Freddie Fazbear, chica the chick, bonnie
Chad: the bunny and Foxy the pirate fox.
Chad: There is also a character in Chica's hand
Chad: known as Mr Cupcake.
Chad: Uh-huh.
Chad: Who, as you might guess, is a pink frosted
Chad: cupcake with buck teeth and eyeballs.
Bo: Who plays a larger than necessary role in
Bo: this movie, for it being a movie called
Bo: Five Nights at Freddy's Freddy's is
Bo: surprisingly irrelevant to this movie.
Chad: Right.
Chad: Also, they never explain why this is called
Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's.
Chad: You could have fixed this by having Matthew
Chad: Lillard say here's the job.
Chad: You're going to have a probationary period.
Chad: If you can survive the job for Five Nights,
Chad: I'll hire you full time.
Chad: So, Mike, after getting the lay of the land,
Chad: he goes back to the security room with the
Chad: monitors and he immediately falls asleep.
Bo: Right, there's a point this movie will get
Bo: to, where somebody specifically says just
Bo: stop sleeping at work.
Bo: Cut to him falling asleep at work.
Bo: It's like you suck at this.
Bo: No wonder you can't hold down a job.
Chad: He has two modes it's silence and rage.
Chad: He's from the Al Pacino School of
Chad: Employment.
Bo: The Al Pacino Narcoleptic School of Acty,
Bo: where this Freddy Fosman needs to have a
Bo: flamethrower taken to him.
Chad: Chica Foxy, mr Cupcake, fuck you too.
Bo: Say hello to my little friend.
Chad: All right.
Chad: So Mike falls asleep and he's having his
Chad: dream and it goes through the same motions
Chad: we saw the first time.
Chad: But this time Mike turns around in the
Chad: woods and he is surrounded by five children.
Chad: Anyone choosing to pay close attention to
Chad: this movie might realize that the five kids
Chad: in the woods staring at Mike one of them is
Chad: wearing rabbit ears, one of them has a
Chad: brown shirt, one is dressed in a red shirt,
Chad: one has a flat top hat, like he's on his
Chad: way to Barbershop Quartet rehearsal, and
Chad: one is dressed in a yellow shirt.
Chad: And these kids represent the animatronics
Chad: in the movie.
Chad: But this is not as explicitly spelled out
Chad: as it should be for a movie like this.
Bo: You know, I kind of clocked what was
Bo: happening here, and I don't mind that being
Bo: more subtle, I suppose, because at least
Bo: it's something, it's at least somebody
Bo: caring about what's happening in this movie,
Bo: and I'll give it points for effort here.
Bo: When there are so few moments in this movie
Bo: that speak of we care about this thing and
Bo: want it to be good, and this is one of
Bo: those few moments where like, oh, somebody
Bo: was trying here, that's nice, mike says hey,
Bo: weird kids.
Chad: did you see my brother get abducted by that
Chad: guy in that car that drove away?
Chad: And then all the kids scatter in different
Chad: directions and Mike chases the kid in the
Chad: brown shirt.
Chad: But Mike trips over rock and falls down and
Chad: he wakes up from sleeping on the job.
Chad: So that's night one.
Chad: Mike goes back home where Max the
Chad: babysitter not his girlfriend or his sister
Chad: she's sleeping on the couch and I thought
Chad: how much is he paying her to sleep at his
Chad: house overnight?
Chad: And does this security job pay Mike enough
Chad: money to cover the cost of an overnight
Chad: babysitter?
Bo: Oh wait, chad this is at least answered in
Bo: the script when he says um, I promise I'm
Bo: going to pay you eventually.
Chad: That's not how it works.
Bo: Payment is due upon receipt of services man
Bo: yeah, and then she's like that's okay, mike,
Bo: then she fucks off.
Chad: If you want to make Mike a more likeable
Chad: character you touch on this earlier Just
Chad: make Max his living girlfriend who's trying
Chad: to fix his troubled soul.
Chad: And she's the one like hey, I'll keep an
Chad: eye on Abby, you got this night job, you go
Chad: do what you got to do.
Chad: That'd be great, just do that.
Bo: Yeah, how about anything, anything that
Bo: makes him likeable?
Bo: That'd be great.
Bo: Mike goes to check in on Abby who is still
Bo: asleep.
Bo: Of course she got some of his pills.
Bo: Well, you know, he leaves them in the
Bo: drawer right under his 1980s era Walkman I
Bo: thought you were going to say his pit house
Bo: and hustler magazines.
Bo: That would make him more likeable as a
Bo: character, because at least it would make
Bo: him relatable.
Chad: We've learned when you give a character
Chad: pornography in a movie, that makes them
Chad: likeable at that, and when they pull a
Chad: flask out and kind of give it the, you're
Chad: like, oh, you're a sad character that I'm
Chad: not supposed to empathize with.
Bo: We watch movies very differently.
Bo: Basically, anytime Jeff Bridges pulls out a
Bo: flask in a movie which is about 90% of his
Bo: performances, I am more on board with his
Bo: character.
Chad: You know, a movie that I really disliked
Chad: was something about Mary, and I only found
Chad: one scene in that movie to genuinely make
Chad: me laugh out loud, and it's the scene where
Chad: we first meet Matt Dillon's character as
Chad: the private investigator and he stands up
Chad: from behind his desk and his pants the belt
Chad: is open and they're undone and the zipper
Chad: is down as a characteristic of being a real
Chad: sleazeball.
Bo: This dude was just sitting at work with his
Bo: pants really open because he was stroking
Bo: it at some point.
Chad: Maybe not now, but he was the spectrum of
Chad: what was going on, from anything that was
Chad: more self gratifying to just like I just
Chad: need to air things out a little bit.
Bo: Have you ever been in that position?
Bo: I'm just trying to think of a time where I
Bo: felt like I needed some breeze.
Chad: The place looked like it didn't have very
Chad: good air conditioning.
Chad: I'm trying to give him a bit of it, so
Chad: let's get back to this movie, which is
Chad: arguably worse than something about Mary.
Chad: I would agree with that.
Chad: We got to this diner where Mary Stuart
Chad: Masterson and her sad sack lawyer, doug,
Chad: are there and, shocker of shockers, bo Max,
Chad: the babysitter, is there with her
Chad: aforementioned boyfriend, jeff.
Chad: Now the waiter comes over and Mary Stuart
Chad: Masterson informs the waiter that they are
Chad: not eating, and then there's a little back
Chad: and forth about breakfast being the most
Chad: important meal of the day.
Chad: Now the waiter is played by YouTuber Matt
Chad: Pat, who was the individual that created a
Chad: detailed analysis of video game mythologies,
Chad: including the Five Nights at Freddy's, one
Chad: that I watched, and for those who are in
Chad: the know, this was a huge deal that he had
Chad: a part in this movie.
Chad: All right, tell those kids that you work
Chad: with that.
Chad: Hey, did you see Matt Pat, and that'll
Chad: score you some points.
Chad: They know, I don't care.
Chad: You can pretend like you care.
Bo: Yeah, I blew their minds when I let them
Bo: know I knew what rainbow six siege was.
Bo: I've got all the points I need.
Bo: Right now they're scheming.
Bo: They're in a diner plotting.
Chad: Mary Stuart Masterson berates Max.
Chad: She's like what am I in yet and get an A
Chad: dirt on Mike?
Chad: And she's like, no, he's a pretty good guy.
Chad: She's trying to take care of Abby.
Chad: And then the boyfriend, Jeff, Chimes it hey,
Chad: Mary Stuart Masterson, you need to pay us
Chad: the $200 you owe us.
Chad: And by us I mean Max, because she did all
Chad: the babysitting for no money.
Chad: And this was the one moment in the movie
Chad: that made me laugh.
Chad: Doug the sad sack lawyer says I shouldn't
Chad: be here.
Chad: I shouldn't be hearing any of that, Right.
Bo: And Mary Stuart Masterson kind of sits them
Bo: down, which makes me think that they're in
Bo: some kind of weird sexual relationship
Bo: where she's definitely in charge.
Bo: We definitely watch movies differently.
Bo: So this boyfriend Jeff is like why don't we
Bo: just kill him?
Chad: I like the way you think, but that's a
Chad: little bit too much for right now.
Chad: What's your plan be?
Bo: Doug immediately gets up against like I
Bo: definitely don't need to be here for
Bo: accessory to murder.
Chad: Sit down, dougie, you're not going anywhere.
Chad: Yes, ma'am.
Bo: Yeah, so he sits back down.
Bo: Remember, I want you to wear that skirt
Bo: later.
Chad: Jeff comes in with plan B.
Chad: What if we just go in and toss the place?
Chad: No break in, mess it up, mike gets fired,
Chad: you get Abby.
Chad: It's a plan so stupid Even the laziest of
Chad: screenwriters could think of it and you
Chad: give us $2,000.
Bo: I like it, but how about 1000?
Bo: All right, that seems like more weight.
Bo: And so, anyway, they're off to roll this
Bo: place.
Bo: Cut to Mike on his bed.
Bo: He's jumping on the bed to get the Nebraska
Bo: poster down.
Bo: Abby comes in wearing his best and it's
Bo: like I want to come with you to work.
Bo: And he's like I don't think that's a good
Bo: idea because I got to do a lot of sleep in
Bo: there and I don't have time to watch you
Bo: and sleep.
Bo: And then Max shows up and is like hey,
Bo: don't you have to go to work?
Bo: He's like, yeah, abby's in a real mood.
Bo: So you know, you got your hands full
Bo: tonight and I know I still haven't paid you,
Bo: but I'm gone.
Bo: One day I'll tell you what.
Bo: Let me give you some imaginary bucks 50,
Bo: 100, 150.
Bo: Let's make it a thousand imaginary dollars.
Bo: You can spend these in your dreams.
Chad: So off he goes to work.
Chad: There's a thunderstorm outside for
Chad: atmosphere in the back room.
Chad: He has now placed his visit Nebraska poster
Chad: above the security monitors lightning
Chad: flashes.
Bo: We do get a silhouette of bunny ears as he
Bo: sleeps at the security desk, just to let
Bo: you know that creepy things are afoot.
Bo: Not that you're going to see any of those
Bo: anytime soon, but you know it's nice to let
Bo: you know that somewhere else in the movie a
Bo: movie is happening.
Chad: Mike, of course, is asleep having the same
Chad: dream.
Chad: Those five kids show up.
Chad: Mike asked them hey, don't run.
Chad: And then they run and Mike chases them.
Chad: But this time he decides to chase the kid
Chad: in the orange-ish red shirt because he's a
Chad: little bit of a porker.
Bo: I can catch this one.
Chad: He grabs this kid and the child swipes at
Chad: his arm and the kid screams and his eyes
Chad: are now all black and dripping with goo,
Chad: which you've seen in multiple other movies.
Chad: Mike wakes up and there is a young, blonde
Chad: haired female police officer knocking on
Chad: the door of Freddie Fazbear.
Chad: Now her name is Officer Vanessa.
Chad: When Mike opens the door, she says hey,
Chad: you're bleeding.
Chad: Come on, I know where they keep the first
Chad: aid kits in this place.
Bo: Okay, what.
Chad: Officer Vanessa takes Mike to the back
Chad: office and she gets the bandages and
Chad: Officer Vanessa says I love what you've
Chad: done to the place.
Chad: Say the Nebraska poster with the forest.
Chad: Why Nebraska?
Chad: Never mind, there's no need to answer my
Chad: question.
Chad: Well, she also tells him she is a certified
Chad: EMT.
Bo: Oh yeah, well, that's because everybody is
Bo: everything in this movie.
Bo: You're a principal slash.
Bo: Guidance counselor, slash, attorney.
Bo: You're a cop slash.
Bo: Emt, slash, cpa, slash plot critical
Bo: character, yeah, and she's like hey, have
Bo: you met them yet?
Bo: Then she goes around flipping on lights
Bo: again, letting us know that she has a
Bo: connection to this place far beyond
Bo: anything Mike is even asking about, because
Bo: she knows literally everything, she knows
Bo: where everything is.
Bo: Oh, hey, you got to jiggle this one a
Bo: little bit.
Bo: He's like what?
Bo: And then she casually mentions oh, I'm sure
Bo: you've heard about all the kids that went
Bo: missing too.
Bo: And he's like the kids.
Bo: Mike, you are the worst protagonist in film
Bo: history.
Bo: You don't know shit about shit and have no
Bo: curiosity.
Bo: And then there's just a short, all the
Bo: animatronics go down before they can start
Bo: dancing around and whatnot.
Bo: Also, vanessa, inexplicably, as the music
Bo: starts kicking up, she's like shall we
Bo: dance, mike?
Bo: What is this character?
Bo: What is happening here?
Bo: She is the EMT, slash police officer.
Bo: Slash dance instructor.
Bo: Slash is immediately attracted to this
Bo: loser that she found sleeping on the job
Bo: Like, and she also points out.
Chad: when I was bandaging your arm, your blood
Chad: pressure is elevated and your eyes are
Chad: dilated.
Chad: You're clearly on drugs.
Chad: You haven't shaved in a week.
Chad: You smell bad.
Bo: Here's my number, call me and he is
Bo: neglected to tell her yet about the child
Bo: that he's neglecting at home.
Bo: So he really wants to seal the deal.
Bo: Oh, I also have a sister that I am not
Bo: paying attention to.
Chad: It's also, in my opinion, not strange that
Chad: she knows where things are in this building,
Chad: because I thought she just worked there
Chad: once upon a time.
Chad: It wasn't so suspicious.
Chad: In fact, if you'd been smart, you would
Chad: have said I used to work here, yes.
Chad: And then you're like, oh, that's how she
Chad: knows this stuff.
Chad: And then when you get the wink, wink, big
Chad: reveal at the end, you're like oh she was
Chad: lying.
Bo: Yes, that would be great.
Bo: Any of that would be fine.
Chad: Instead, what you get is nothing, hey
Chad: you're not an official security night sleep
Chad: person.
Chad: And she goes over to the prize drawers and
Chad: she pulls out a Freddie Fazbear security
Chad: badge and pins it onto Mike and she's like
Chad: now you're official, all right.
Chad: So we cut to the next morning and the sun's
Chad: coming up and Mike is locking up the place
Chad: and Officer Vanessa, who is still there,
Chad: yeah, her patrol is apparently this old,
Chad: abandoned building and the surrounding
Chad: parking lot.
Chad: And then she says don't let this place get
Chad: to you, Do your job and you'll be fine.
Bo: What are you again, besides coming in here
Bo: bandaging my arm, kind of flirting with me,
Bo: not answering direct questions, dancing to
Bo: the Romantics secrets that you keep.
Bo: Yeah.
Bo: So after he leaves this Shlub, jeff calls
Bo: Max and is like hey, you need to come join
Bo: me as soon as Mike is home, because we're
Bo: here at Freddy's and we're ready to toss
Bo: this place.
Bo: Yeah, and so they are then joined by some
Bo: old fat dude.
Chad: And some younger guy like these two
Chad: nameless goons.
Bo: Absolutely, and in my notes they were fat
Bo: dude and earphones kid, because those are
Bo: their defining characteristics they don't
Bo: really speak and they don't really have
Bo: names.
Bo: They're just fat dude and earphones kid.
Chad: Yeah, and the fat dude is in his fifties.
Chad: Yeah, he looks like the kind of guy who is
Chad: a mall Santa.
Chad: You're on the fence as to whether or not
Chad: you're going to let your kid go talk to
Chad: this dude.
Chad: Maybe I don't.
Bo: I know he's got a record, but still, the
Bo: line is short and we're here there is a
Bo: dude that showed up in a bunch of 80s
Bo: sitcoms that look exactly like this guy,
Bo: mickey Jones.
Bo: If you look up Mickey Jones, oh yeah, I
Bo: know this guy.
Bo: Yeah, you absolutely know who Mickey Jones
Bo: is.
Bo: If you were to the age him digitally 15 to
Bo: 20 years, it would be this fat guy
Bo: wandering around Freddy's.
Chad: Yeah, I can see that this guy has been in
Chad: everything.
Bo: What?
Bo: How did I miss the fat bearded guy boat on
Bo: this?
Bo: You know, I could have been the one in
Bo: Grizzly Adams in the Legend of Dark
Bo: Mountain, chad that could have been me.
Bo: Or it came from outer space to, or in the
Bo: heat of the night, one episode.
Bo: Or in the Colby's, one episode.
Bo: Or the trucker and star man, any of these
Bo: things that, that could have been me.
Chad: It could have, but it was a real sliding
Chad: door situation.
Chad: Yeah, so they start trashing this place as
Chad: they're smashing up the place, the
Chad: headphones guy ends up in the kitchen and
Chad: something in the refrigerator rumbles, so
Chad: he opens it up, like you do in situations
Chad: like this.
Chad: And he finds Mr Cupcake, the robot with the
Chad: pink icing and the buck teeth and the big
Chad: eyes, headphones, goon turns around and
Chad: then, when he looks back at the fridge, mr
Chad: Cupcake is gone.
Chad: But then, when he returns his gaze back to
Chad: the kitchen, here Chica, the six foot tall
Chad: robot chicken, is holding Mr Cupcake, who
Chad: now has on his angry eyes.
Chad: And Mr Cupcake leaps in the air towards
Chad: this goon, killing him with his big
Chad: chompers.
Chad: I guess, and then the fat hillbilly goon.
Chad: How did this crew get assembled?
Bo: Right, how did they all meet?
Bo: This feels like a real like.
Bo: We were all there for Jan 6th.
Bo: They met at the arraignment when they were
Bo: all in Pelosi's office.
Bo: Were you the one who got her gavel?
Bo: I was man.
Bo: You were my hero.
Bo: Let's go toss up Chuck E Cheese.
Chad: Dude, I want to shake the hand of the man
Chad: who smeared shit down the walls of the
Chad: Capitol.
Chad: Give it here.
Bo: Brother, you're a real patriot.
Bo: I haven't taken a shit in the hollowed
Bo: halls of the seat of our government.
Bo: You ought to be on Mount Rushmore for
Bo: having had the courage to take a shit on
Bo: the desk of the Alexa of the house.
Bo: My hat is off to you, sir, and I tip my
Bo: mullet in your direction.
Chad: Fat bearded guy.
Chad: He's in the main dining room and he hears
Chad: some rumblings in the air ducts that lead
Chad: to the kitchen.
Chad: So he wanders over and he sees Mr Cupcake
Chad: with his mouth around the head of the
Chad: younger goon.
Chad: And then Chica looks over at the bearded
Chad: fat old man and gives him the stink eye.
Chad: So you're like, oh, this guy's in trouble
Chad: Right.
Chad: Then we cut over to Jeff, who is wandering
Chad: around and stealing what he can and
Chad: honestly, this is not a very big restaurant.
Chad: It's not like they're in some haunted house
Chad: with multiple levels, like there's a
Chad: kitchen, the dining room, the game room and
Chad: the stages, there's a storage room in the
Chad: office and a lot of hallways.
Chad: I still don't understand the layout of the
Chad: building.
Chad: Jeff makes his way to the back office and
Chad: he sees the security monitors and hear the
Chad: old fat bearded man.
Chad: He just comes shrieking through the
Chad: restaurant and he hides in a utility closet
Chad: and he reaches up to turn on the light,
Chad: only to find Bonnie, the six foot tall blue
Chad: bunny, in there with him.
Chad: And then outside we hear some thumps and
Chad: rumbles until we see a hand smack on the
Chad: glass and smear the window with blood.
Chad: So I guess Jeff is the only one that's left.
Chad: And then Bonnie walks out of the utility
Chad: closet and Jeff sees the blue bunny.
Chad: Jeff runs back to the office where he looks
Chad: at the monitors and sees Chica and Bonnie
Chad: placing Mr Cupcake in the air vents.
Chad: And then they stare up at the camera like
Chad: you're next bucko.
Chad: And then Jeff hears Mr Cupcake headed his
Chad: way in the vents.
Chad: Jeff holds the air vent great shut by
Chad: leaning back up against it, and then we
Chad: hear a door creak open.
Chad: Jeff peeks outside, then he steps outside
Chad: and then the office door slam shut and we
Chad: hear this sort of signature song.
Chad: It's doom deem, doom, deem doom, deem doom,
Chad: deem, doom, deem doom.
Chad: This was the sound that we heard at the
Chad: beginning with that security guard who got
Chad: his, and then, I think, jeff is attacked by
Chad: Foxy the Fox and then that's pretty much
Chad: the end of this scene.
Bo: Well, Max comes inside to look for him.
Chad: Oh, that's right.
Bo: And then she sees and hears a ghost kid and
Bo: goes in search of him and then finds this
Bo: room of the animatronic parts of all the
Bo: various creatures.
Bo: There is this giant bear standing there,
Bo: and so she looks inside and doesn't see
Bo: anybody there.
Bo: Like gets like a stepladder so she can more
Bo: fully put her head and body into the mouth
Bo: of this thing, and then a hand grabs her
Bo: from within and then she's bitten in half,
Bo: which is maybe the only thing in the movie
Bo: where I was like, say, somebody getting
Bo: bitten in half and seeing their lower half
Bo: hit the ground.
Chad: That's something, but it's all done in
Chad: shadow, yeah, so you don't really see
Chad: anything.
Chad: Me you do, but you don't.
Chad: There's no blood.
Chad: You see her legs kifunk to the ground,
Chad: right.
Chad: That's the majority of the gore and horror
Chad: in this film.
Chad: We really leave that alone until the very
Chad: end of the movie.
Chad: Well, and at the end there's nothing either.
Chad: No, back at Mike and Abby's house.
Chad: Abby's watching some public domain cartoons
Chad: and Mike comes in and says what are you
Chad: drawing there, abby?
Chad: And she ignores him.
Chad: And then Mike says I guess you don't want
Chad: this then and he tosses that toy Freddy
Chad: Fazbear security badge on the table and she
Chad: looks at it and just chunks it off.
Chad: Mike puts it in a drawer that has those
Chad: legal papers he got earlier with his aunt.
Chad: He's like I'm trying to do the best I can
Chad: to make money to get a babysitter to raise
Chad: you.
Chad: Come me some slack.
Chad: And he runs off.
Chad: Then Abby goes to the drawer and opens it
Chad: up and she finds the legal papers.
Chad: Mike walks back in and Abby says why do you
Chad: have these papers?
Chad: I don't want to live with Mary Stuart
Chad: Masterson.
Chad: She was in that female young guns knockoff
Chad: called Bad Girls and since then her
Chad: career's never recovered and she's like
Chad: take your rights.
Chad: Why are you giving me away?
Bo: And then Vanessa inexplicably shows up and
Bo: is like hey, can we talk?
Bo: Because apparently there was a break in at
Bo: Freddy's and I found your prescription
Bo: sleeping pills there which, honestly, if
Bo: the place were really robbed, those things
Bo: would have been gone First thing they would
Bo: have taken.
Chad: Yeah, for sure they would have ignored
Chad: what's on the label and they would have
Chad: been like you know what?
Chad: Prove it.
Chad: Start taking these boys, let's find out if
Chad: they really knock you out.
Chad: During this scene, abby peeks around behind
Chad: Mike and she's like, hi, I'm Abby, the
Chad: normal one in this movie.
Chad: And then officer Vanessa says oh Mike, is
Chad: this your daughter?
Chad: And I was like hey, join the?
Chad: I Just Ask that Same question, club Officer
Chad: Vanessa.
Bo: Where were you 30 minutes ago, officer
Bo: Vanessa?
Bo: Why weren't you interrogating these
Bo: characters then?
Bo: That's what movies like this need is a cop
Bo: to show up and be like no, no, no.
Bo: Before we go any further in this movie, I
Bo: have some questions.
Bo: First of all, how are you related to her?
Bo: Second of all, why can't you hold down a
Bo: job?
Bo: Third of all, what is your job?
Bo: Are you a principal or a social worker?
Bo: Social worker?
Bo: You say okay, well, that makes some sense.
Bo: All right, everybody, carry on with the
Bo: movie.
Bo: Now I need plot cop.
Chad: Mike says she's my sister, abby.
Chad: Go another room and draw pictures of dead
Chad: kids.
Chad: We're going to go have adult talk.
Chad: So these two walk off and they pop a squat
Chad: next to a drainage ditch.
Chad: Mike says I used to have a brother named
Chad: Garrett when I was 12 years old.
Chad: This guy took Garrett when we were out in
Chad: the woods and they never found my brother
Chad: or the guy who took him.
Chad: This guy at the mall.
Chad: He read me a book with no pictures called
Chad: Dream Theory, about how you can't forget
Chad: anything because everything you see is
Chad: stored up in your head like a computer.
Chad: I have dreams to see if I can find who took
Chad: my brother.
Chad: Now you're probably going to say that I'm
Chad: crazy.
Chad: An officer of Vanessa says I'm not going to
Chad: say you're crazy because of that crazy
Chad: thing you just said.
Chad: Your sister seems kind of cool.
Chad: What happened to your parents?
Chad: My mom died and my dad something.
Chad: Or maybe my dad died and my mom something.
Chad: I don't know.
Chad: What are you going to do?
Chad: Seems important, but whatever.
Bo: Then Vanessa is like hey, you can't sleep
Bo: on the job anymore.
Bo: Ok, like I'm going to willingly cover up
Bo: your involvement in this crime.
Bo: I'm going to leave all of this out of the
Bo: official police report and do you a solid
Bo: let's not worry about investigating this
Bo: crime, and I guess you can make the
Bo: argument that she probably knows what
Bo: happened to these people.
Bo: But also, this seems like dirty cop.
Bo: She is living down the street from De Niro
Bo: in Copland if this is her regular routine.
Chad: What?
Chad: Let's assume she is a real cop and this
Chad: isn't just a costume.
Chad: She got it party city.
Bo: Well, I'd be plot cop to show up and ask
Bo: that question.
Bo: Yeah, go ahead.
Chad: Right, and then she's driving around in the
Chad: blues mobile or something like that.
Chad: If she is a real cop, because her patrol is
Chad: Freddy Fazbear's in the parking lot, she
Chad: went inside and found the dead bodies and
Chad: his pill bottle and came back.
Chad: It doesn't square how her character fits
Chad: into the broader narrative that they're
Chad: telling Because she's not on the side of
Chad: William Afton.
Chad: None of this is thought out.
Bo: Yes.
Bo: So if she is covering things up, then why
Bo: leave the bodies around?
Bo: Because at the end of the movie we see all
Bo: the bodies exactly where they were Like.
Bo: If she's trying to cover this up, why leave
Bo: bodies to rot in here?
Chad: None of this fits together.
Chad: It might cause Max to see if she can sleep
Chad: over for another all night babysitting job,
Chad: but remember, max is dead and in two pieces
Chad: minimum.
Chad: So Mike takes Abby to Freddy Fazbear's for
Chad: his work.
Chad: So they go inside and the places in ruins
Chad: from the break in earlier.
Chad: Honestly, that's what this place should
Chad: have looked like when he arrived the first
Chad: time, because vagrants and drunks were in
Chad: there.
Chad: That's what vagrants and drunks do I know
Chad: from firsthand experience.
Chad: I was that vagrant and drunk Mike then
Chad: instead he builds a fort for Abby to sleep
Chad: in and as she does his off, abby says it's
Chad: like camping Mike, without all the child
Chad: abduction.
Chad: Mike goes to the utility closet and he
Chad: finds a small blood smear on the door.
Chad: He's like that's weird.
Chad: I don't remember that, but whatever.
Chad: Then we get another lukewarm jump scare
Chad: from that balloon boy figurine.
Chad: Mike then begins to clean up the place and
Chad: then, after cleaning up, mike goes to start
Chad: his night three of his five nights at
Chad: Freddy's and he puts on his headset and
Chad: listens to his cassette tape of nature
Chad: sounds and of course he falls asleep Right
Chad: After being explicitly told by Vanessa I'm
Chad: going to keep you out of this criminal
Chad: investigation.
Bo: The one thing I need you to do is to keep
Bo: on your toes and not sleep at work.
Bo: All right.
Chad: Also earlier, when they were by the
Chad: drainage ditch, she chunked his
Chad: prescription pills into the swamp water.
Bo: Good, you need to keep this guy on his
Bo: fucking toes.
Chad: So he's asleep.
Chad: Abby is in her tent and she hears a voice
Chad: cry out Abby.
Chad: So she wakes up and wanders through the
Chad: restaurant and makes her way to the dining
Chad: room with a hello, Is anyone there?
Chad: I know you're back there.
Chad: You might as well come out.
Chad: And then we see the eyes of Freddy Fazbear
Chad: light up and this lumbering robot clomp,
Chad: clomp, clomp out onto the stage of the
Chad: pizzeria, Cut to Mike's dream where he sees
Chad: the kid in the brown shirt in the woods.
Chad: And Mike says hey, you're those kids, right,
Chad: the ones who disappeared in the 80s.
Chad: I don't know how it's possible You're here
Chad: in my dream, but I need your help.
Chad: Help me remember who took my brother
Chad: Garrett.
Chad: And this kid stands up and says all right,
Chad: If we show you, what are you going to give
Chad: us?
Chad: And Mike says I'll give you anything.
Chad: And then we hear Abby screaming.
Chad: The boy disappears and on the ground is an
Chad: outline of a giant bunny character.
Chad: Mike wakes up.
Chad: Here's the sister screaming.
Chad: He runs into the dining room and finds all
Chad: four of the robots are now off the stage
Chad: surrounding Abby.
Chad: Mike grabs a chair because rage kicks in.
Chad: And.
Chad: Abby emerges from the circle of robots and
Chad: says they were tickling me so much I
Chad: thought I would die.
Chad: Freddy Fazbear, this is my brother, mike.
Chad: Mike, meet the others.
Chad: Bonnie Foxy and Chica everyone.
Chad: This is Mike and Mike's just freaked out.
Bo: Of course he is.
Bo: It is stunned, shocked.
Bo: Then he's like we got to go home and she's
Bo: like OK, and then draws a picture of a
Bo: heart that she gives to Freddy.
Bo: Then they give her a hug and they just go
Bo: home.
Chad: Freddy Fazbear does give a bit of a
Chad: protective growl toward Mike and that's
Chad: night three in the books.
Chad: Mike doesn't ask any questions, he just
Chad: leaves Back at home, puts Abby to bed.
Chad: Also, I love in movies like this where at
Chad: the beginning we see kids going to school,
Chad: but then later in the movie the filmmakers
Chad: just totally forget that this kid should be
Chad: going to school.
Bo: I had that same thing in my notes of like
Bo: is she being homeschooled at a certain
Bo: point?
Bo: Is Max taking over for this?
Bo: I don't know.
Bo: Mike is looking through all of Abby's
Bo: pictures and puts together, somehow or
Bo: another, making the illogical leap that all
Bo: of these kids that are showing up in his
Bo: dreams, and all these kids that she's
Bo: drawing are the robots, are the spirits of
Bo: those kids.
Chad: It is a leap.
Bo: It's a crazy thing to say and or think he
Bo: just looked at this picture.
Bo: He's like it's them, yeah.
Chad: So a little bit later there's some ominous
Chad: music playing and we cut to Abby eating a
Chad: very crunchy grilled cheese.
Chad: It's the kind of crunch that implies a
Chad: butchered roof of the mouth.
Chad: And Mike's there and he says so, abby,
Chad: let's talk about last night, those machines.
Chad: And Abby interrupts and says my friends.
Chad: And Mike says, yeah, your friends are they?
Chad: And Abby interrupts and says ghosts.
Chad: And I was like that's not the word that
Chad: immediately comes to mind when finishing
Chad: Mike's Senate starter up your friends, are
Chad: they?
Chad: Yes.
Chad: But are they dangerous?
Chad: Are they going to kill me tonight?
Chad: Are they soft because they look soft?
Chad: Are they capable of playing any song other
Chad: than the Romantics' secrets that you keep?
Bo: I would not think.
Bo: Are they ghosts?
Bo: It's a great question and, yeah, she
Bo: quickly volunteers this.
Chad: She says of course they're ghosts.
Chad: How else could they make the robots move?
Chad: These robots have ghosts in them.
Chad: And also, why don't you call them ghost
Chad: bots?
Bo: Ghost bots is a better name for the movie
Bo: in general.
Chad: And their insides would be the poltergears.
Bo: Oh, I like all of this.
Bo: Well, instead of sprockets, they've got
Bo: spookits.
Chad: There you go poltergears and spookits.
Bo: As they're having this awful lunch, he's
Bo: like, hey, do you remember when we had that
Bo: brother one time?
Bo: And she's like, kind of, because I didn't
Bo: exist?
Bo: I don't think, of course she didn't.
Chad: There was no baby at the picnic in his
Chad: dream.
Bo: He's like well, we did, and I think some of
Bo: your ghost bots know something about this.
Bo: She's like, yeah, a boy with blonde hair
Bo: told me about that.
Bo: Oh yeah, what else do you guys talk about?
Bo: Is it dirty?
Bo: No, but we do talk about this yellow rabbit.
Bo: Sometimes they're scared of him.
Chad: Here we are to understand that Abby talks
Chad: to ghosts.
Bo: That's right.
Chad: Like in the sixth sense.
Chad: Yes, and at her house she had an imaginary
Chad: friend.
Chad: Was that imaginary friend a ghost, or was
Chad: that just an imaginary friend?
Bo: I don't know, maybe that's a thing I don't
Bo: know.
Chad: How about this?
Chad: Makers of Five Nights at Freddy's, try this
Chad: one on for Scythe, seeing as you're not
Chad: really following any of the real canon of
Chad: the overly complex and confusing backstory
Chad: of the games.
Chad: Make Abby's imaginary friend the ghost of
Chad: Garrett the dead brother, and you let Abby
Chad: be totally in the dark that they even had a
Chad: brother.
Chad: And then, when it's revealed that Garrett
Chad: is her brother and is talking to her, that
Chad: you're able to kind of leverage this to tie
Chad: it to the other ghost kids to lead them to
Chad: the abductor and the one who killed him.
Chad: But that wouldn't require the pizza
Chad: restaurant robots.
Chad: And that movie is also called the
Chad: Changeling.
Chad: Now that I'm, talking about it.
Bo: Yeah, but it would be something as opposed
Bo: to the nothing that this movie is.
Chad: Have Abby be in the dark, that they ever
Chad: had a brother, that she was born after the
Chad: fact and they say that mom and dad never
Chad: talked about him and have her say, like
Chad: that's the name of my imaginary friend.
Chad: There's the connection.
Chad: Yeah, because Garrett was murdered but he's
Chad: not one of the Five Nights at Freddy's
Chad: ghostbots.
Bo: No, he was just apparently killed.
Bo: He was just a test run For so much of the
Bo: movie being spent talking about this
Bo: missing brother.
Bo: Once you get the reveal of like, oh, this
Bo: person killed the yellow rabbit, killed him,
Bo: and Matthew Lillard is behind it.
Bo: All that's it.
Bo: That's the only information you have.
Bo: Yeah, it stops right there.
Bo: Yeah, and you need more information about
Bo: this.
Bo: What happened to the body?
Bo: And is he one of the toys?
Bo: No, yes, did anyone bother to answer these
Bo: questions?
Chad: How about this?
Chad: You take the brown shirt kid, who's Freddy,
Chad: and cast him as Garrett and that kid gets
Chad: abducted.
Chad: And then every time you see the kids in the
Chad: woods, you only see the four kids and you
Chad: never see the Freddy Fazbear representation.
Chad: And then in the dream it is revealed to
Chad: Mike that Garrett is one of the ghostbots.
Bo: I think that sounds great, or even show him
Bo: in the dream so that when it comes to the
Bo: point where they're asking Mike, what would
Bo: you give up?
Bo: And Garrett himself can say I can live
Bo: again, but you have to trade me for Abby.
Bo: Essentially, Any of that is something other
Bo: than the big fucking nothing that this
Bo: movie gives you in relation, like those
Bo: little things, little changes that don't
Bo: cost you any more money, it's just dialogue
Bo: and it gives you some emotional connection
Bo: and some emotional hook.
Bo: In this movie You're spending a lot of
Bo: money on these animatronics and those look
Bo: pretty good.
Bo: We haven't really talked about those, but
Bo: it looks pretty good.
Bo: Yeah, I agree, all of that is fine, but
Bo: that doesn't mean anything.
Bo: Like we've said it a million times, nobody
Bo: goes home whistling the special effects.
Bo: That's.
Bo: All this movie has to offer is some pretty
Bo: good animatronics.
Bo: The characters are so unbelievably stupid
Bo: and you don't understand anything about
Bo: them.
Bo: Are there relationships to each other that
Bo: it's just confusing.
Bo: This movie is mind-numbingly inconsistent.
Chad: Well, also, once it's revealed that these
Chad: robots are possessed by ghost children, it
Chad: begs the question.
Chad: So ghost children are murdering adults,
Chad: yeah, and then later they kind of brush
Chad: that off like oh no, no, no, no, it was
Chad: William Afton controlling them, so he's the
Chad: real murderer.
Chad: So you can just brush all that aside.
Bo: They can be kids again or whatever, even
Bo: though as soon as their influence was
Bo: broken, they turned around and immediately
Bo: murdered.
Chad: Start Night 4 at Freddy.
Bo: Fazbear, and so Vanessa is looking over all
Bo: these drawings that Abby has done, and
Bo: especially the ones with the yellow rabbit.
Bo: This is before Mike shows up with Abby
Bo: she's already at Freddy's.
Chad: Yeah, but it's a big wall of crayon
Chad: drawings that a bunch of kids had done.
Chad: I don't think these are all Abby's drawings.
Chad: It's like one big refrigerator door covered
Chad: in scribbles that only a parent can love.
Chad: And there's haunting sounds of children
Chad: laughing and the camera focuses on that.
Chad: One photo we saw earlier with the giant
Chad: rabbit holding hands with the kids Right
Chad: and we hear hauntingly we love the yellow
Chad: rabbit Children shouting that out.
Bo: Mike and Abby finally show up and Abby says
Bo: my friends say that Vanessa is nice and
Bo: Vanessa is like oh, you mean the ghost
Bo: children?
Chad: Mike is like wait, what you knew about this
Chad: too, and she says well, I guess you just
Chad: figured it out, that's it, there's no
Chad: further discussion in this movie.
Bo: And she is totally casual about it, about
Bo: souls possessing these robots.
Chad: And then both they do the next logical
Chad: thing you would expect in this movie we get
Chad: a montage of our three human characters
Chad: working with the robots possessed by dead
Chad: ghost children to build an oversized chair
Chad: and blanket fort in the dining room of this
Chad: abandoned pizza restaurant.
Bo: As the song Connection plays.
Chad: Our movie has turned into a fun comedic
Chad: romp of a good time.
Chad: The robots that we just saw stalk and
Chad: brutally murder for Nairdow Wells are now
Chad: doing their best impressions of Harry from
Chad: Harry and the Henderson's, or Sloth from
Chad: the Goonies.
Bo: It's crazy Chad.
Bo: This was another of those scenes of like.
Bo: I have nothing to hold onto here.
Bo: I don't understand why any of these
Bo: characters are behaving like this.
Bo: Mike just saw a bloody handprint on a door
Bo: just a day ago and now that he knows that
Bo: the souls of dead children are operating
Bo: these robots, how on earth are you not
Bo: making that connection?
Chad: Mike whispers to Abby, remember to ask
Chad: these guys about who abducted and probably
Chad: killed our brother.
Chad: I'm gonna go hang out with Officer Vanessa
Chad: in another scene.
Chad: So we cut to the storm of the restaurant
Chad: and Vanessa's looking for tablecloths to
Chad: make a roof for this totally awesome fort
Chad: they just built.
Chad: And Mike says how do you know where they
Chad: keep the tablecloths in this place?
Chad: And again, as I mentioned earlier, I was
Chad: like I just thought she'd work there once
Chad: upon a time.
Chad: And Mike in this back room.
Chad: He looks over and he sees this old
Chad: animatronic robot and Officer Vanessa says
Chad: I wouldn't touch that.
Chad: The insides have a spring lock to protect
Chad: all of the poltergears so a human could
Chad: wear the suit, but they have a spring lock
Chad: inside Watch.
Chad: And she pokes the inside of this busted
Chad: robot abdomen and these springs snap shut
Chad: like a bear trap.
Chad: It's a real flaw of design, if you ask me
Chad: about.
Bo: Another good question of why on earth
Bo: design it like this if people are supposed
Bo: to be inside it.
Bo: It comes up at the end of the movie.
Bo: It's like you built this thing.
Bo: Why are you doing this?
Bo: And Mike is like well, I feel closest to my
Bo: brother here.
Bo: Maybe I can go back in the dream and change
Bo: what happened.
Bo: Hey, who are you really?
Bo: And she says well, I'm just somebody trying
Bo: to help, like when I told you not to fall
Bo: asleep and then you immediately went to
Bo: sleep.
Bo: You should listen to me more.
Bo: Then they just go back to the lobby without
Bo: any further questioning on Mike's part of
Bo: like it seems like you're always avoiding
Bo: my questions when I asked them.
Bo: When they go back to the lobby, they do so
Bo: in time to see Abby about to touch the
Bo: guitar, one of the ghost spots.
Bo: They're like Abby no.
Bo: And as soon as she touches it, like she
Bo: gets a jolt of electricity and blacks out.
Bo: Then eventually it comes to you Like it's
Bo: kind of a non-event other than, I guess, to
Bo: show that these things are still dangerous,
Bo: which we knew because they murder people.
Chad: We got to the parking lot and Mike is there
Chad: with Officer Vanessa.
Chad: She says just go home, mike, and take care
Chad: of Abby.
Chad: To which Mike says what are you so afraid
Chad: of?
Chad: In the storage room?
Chad: You look terrified, officer Vanessa.
Chad: She really escalates things and she says if
Chad: you ever bring Abby back here, I will shoot
Chad: you.
Chad: And I was like holy shit, right, where did
Chad: this come from?
Bo: Yeah, I know I thought the same thing of
Bo: like wow, this really rosinach in terms of
Bo: their interactions with each other.
Chad: Then it's the middle of the night and Mike
Chad: just hops in his car with Abby and leaves
Chad: his shift.
Bo: God damn it, chad.
Bo: This is so stupid.
Bo: And when he gets in the car, abby is like
Bo: why does everyone look at you like they're
Bo: mad at you all the time?
Bo: He's like I know, it's so weird, it's like
Bo: I'm a total shithead.
Chad: Back at the house, Mike picks up the phone
Chad: and he calls someone and says hey, it's
Chad: Mike, I need your help.
Chad: So we cut to the following morning.
Chad: So we've now got four nights.
Chad: Okay.
Chad: And Abby wakes up and she comes into the
Chad: kitchen to find Mary Stuart Masterson
Chad: waiting for her.
Chad: And Abby says what did you do, mike?
Chad: What did you do?
Chad: I hate you, mike.
Chad: And Abby runs to her room and she grabs a
Chad: crayon and starts scribbling over all the
Chad: faces of Mike in her drawings.
Chad: And Mike tells Mary Stuart Masterson when
Chad: she calms down just tell her, I'm sorry.
Chad: So then Mike goes to the pharmacy to get
Chad: some more sleeping pills and his overly
Chad: rude behavior causes the pharmacist to call
Chad: Mike an asshole as Mike leaves.
Chad: Why is Mike such an unlikeable character in
Chad: this?
Bo: movie.
Bo: But he is Like the pharmacist isn't wrong,
Bo: cause the pharmacist is like you know what
Bo: always helps me?
Bo: A glass and more milk.
Bo: And Mike just snatches the drugs out of his
Bo: hand.
Bo: He's like go fuck yourself.
Bo: And that's what the drugist calls him an
Bo: asshole of like.
Bo: I'm with you, man.
Bo: Our main character is a real jerk.
Chad: So Mike heads to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza
Chad: during the day to go to sleep and dream
Chad: about all of the dead children.
Chad: You know he's surrounded by ghost bots,
Chad: right, yeah, right, we don't think twice
Chad: about this.
Chad: But Mike does his off.
Chad: He wakes up in the forest again and he sees
Chad: Garrett there with his mom and dad, but it
Chad: is full size Mike playing the part of Kid
Chad: Mike.
Chad: And then those five ghost kids in the woods.
Chad: They're there and the main blonde kid in
Chad: the brown shirt says you're here to save
Chad: Garrett.
Chad: You can have this dream every night and be
Chad: together with Garrett and your mom and I
Chad: guess that's your dad in exchange for
Chad: something we want Abby.
Chad: And then Mike's dream mom says you know,
Chad: mike, these ghost kids are right.
Chad: Just let Abby go.
Chad: You really weren't the right person to take
Chad: care of her.
Bo: And then ghost dad is like ghost mom's
Bo: right.
Bo: Mike, you're a real piece of shit.
Bo: Have you considered letting somebody else
Bo: take care of her?
Chad: Ghost mom's like you know, mike, you never
Chad: take the plastic off the cheese slices
Chad: before making a grilled cheese sandwich.
Chad: This is important.
Chad: There's no way you can raise a child.
Bo: Also, son, I noticed how you burned that
Bo: toast and still gave it to her anyway.
Bo: You understand that she's got contusions in
Bo: her mouth because of you.
Chad: Mike starts crying and he says, okay, I'll
Chad: do it.
Chad: And then he has a flash of Abby waking up
Chad: and being happy to see him and he's like,
Chad: no wait.
Chad: I mean, no, this is wrong.
Chad: I have my fingers crossed, that doesn't
Chad: count.
Chad: But then everybody disappears Too late.
Chad: Mike, you already said yes, good, going
Chad: jackass.
Chad: Then we see the metallic feet marching
Chad: through the restaurant and they look like
Chad: the OG Terminator a little bit.
Chad: And then we're back in the dream world and
Chad: the ghost kids run past Mike one by one,
Chad: whisking along and slashing him with these
Chad: like razor blade hands, and it's a real
Chad: Freddy Krueger moment.
Bo: Absolutely.
Chad: They're all whispering Abby, abby.
Chad: They're excited to bring her into the ghost
Chad: world.
Bo: So the ghost kids are bad, like they're
Bo: luring a child to her death and he wakes up
Bo: when Mike comes to.
Bo: He's in this chair that we saw at the
Bo: beginning of the movie and as he looks
Bo: around we see Jeff the boyfriend murdered.
Bo: We see earphone kid down there.
Bo: We see the half of Max.
Chad: We do see the security guard from the
Chad: beginning, because his face is all
Chad: butchered up.
Chad: But you can't really see anything.
Bo: And he does manage to get out of this chair
Bo: before he can get the face full of saw
Bo: blades and it runs for the exit but it's
Bo: locked and that is where we see that Foxy
Bo: is coming for him.
Chad: Singing his doom, doom, doom, doom, doom,
Chad: doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom.
Chad: And then there's a rush of the camera, mike
Chad: screams and you're like, oh so Mike's dead
Chad: now too, cause every time this has happened,
Chad: the person on the receiving end of that
Chad: does not live to see another day.
Bo: You would think so.
Bo: But instead we cut to Abby Back at Mike's
Bo: house, Seeing first Freddie and then a
Bo: ghost kid in her house.
Chad: She comes walking out to probably fight
Chad: with Mary Stuart Masterson, and in her home
Chad: is a six foot tall robotic, freddie Fazbear
Chad: and a ghost kid Right.
Bo: How did they get there?
Bo: And that's her question.
Bo: She's like what are you doing here, mary
Bo: Stuart Masterson?
Bo: The only thing we see of her are her legs
Bo: played on the floor.
Bo: She is dead unconscious drunk.
Chad: I figured she just polished off a box of
Chad: sangria and she's sleeping it off.
Bo: And this kid, the ghost kid that inhabits
Bo: Freddie Fazbear, is like hey, Abby, it's
Bo: time to go play.
Bo: And she's like how are we gonna get there?
Bo: And so there's an absolutely hilarious
Bo: scene where they get in a cab and the
Bo: cabbie who doesn't bother to look at who's
Bo: getting in the back of his cab until this
Bo: moment, that's how you get killed, Right?
Bo: So where can I take you?
Bo: What?
Bo: And it's Abby and this animatronic rotting
Bo: monstrosity, and he says boy, I always get
Bo: the weird ones.
Chad: Bum bum.
Chad: And this is another YouTuber, a guy named
Chad: Corey X Kinshin.
Chad: Again, if you know who he is, it's like, oh,
Chad: that's that guy.
Chad: But moving along.
Chad: So we cut to Mike and he's waking up and
Chad: Officer Vanessa is there bandaging up all
Chad: of his wounds from the dream ghost sequence.
Chad: And Mike asks where are we?
Chad: And she says we're at a police supply
Chad: outpost.
Chad: I was like what?
Bo: What kind of gang wars are happening in
Bo: this city?
Bo: What John Carpenter-esque assault on
Bo: precinct 13 kind of world are we in, where
Bo: there are just periodically supply posts
Bo: for the cops and they're never ending war
Bo: against the gangs?
Chad: Mike also says they tried to kill me,
Chad: officer Vanessa.
Chad: But you knew that Max, Herb, jeff, that old
Chad: fat guy, and that other guy.
Chad: You knew about all of this, didn't you?
Chad: But Abby's innocent.
Chad: She doesn't deserve whatever's gonna happen
Chad: to her.
Chad: Abby's in danger.
Chad: And I had a dream and the ghost kids asked
Chad: me to trade Abby to live and have a dream
Chad: forever.
Chad: And I said yes, but then I said no.
Bo: They said no backsees.
Chad: What do they want with my sister, Abby
Chad: Officer Vanessa.
Chad: Officer Vanessa says they just want to make
Chad: her like them.
Chad: What?
Bo: And then we get a cutaway just to let the
Bo: audience know hey, abby is now showing up
Bo: at Freddy's.
Bo: And then we go back to the police supply
Bo: place.
Chad: Officer Vanessa explains the backstory of
Chad: this movie like the day new month of an
Chad: episode of Scooby Do, when all those kids
Chad: went missing.
Chad: Police searched every inch of Freddy
Chad: Fazbear's.
Chad: They never found the children.
Chad: The man who took them was a bad man, a
Chad: cruel, clever man.
Chad: He knew the police would never check one
Chad: place inside the robots, so he hid the dead
Chad: kids bodies inside the robots.
Chad: I know what you're thinking.
Chad: Wouldn't they smell after a while?
Chad: And the answer is yes, it was funky.
Bo: There was a high degree of what people
Bo: often refer to as mung.
Chad: But here's a more disturbing piece of
Chad: screenplay bullshit.
Chad: These kids didn't want to hurt anybody.
Chad: The killer, he's the one who influences
Chad: them somehow or something something.
Chad: Because we can't have a movie where dead
Chad: ghost children are murdering adults dressed
Chad: as giant stuffed animals.
Chad: I tried to warn you in my own way, so
Chad: really this is all your fault, mike, but
Chad: he's going to be coming for you.
Chad: His name is William Afton and he was my
Chad: father.
Chad: What?
Chad: William Afton?
Chad: The murderer of these children and
Chad: presumably Mike's younger brother, was
Chad: Officer Vanessa's dad.
Bo: And she is fully aware of this Right and
Bo: has decided, as an officer of the law, to
Bo: cover it up.
Chad: Yes, and she hands Mike a photo of her as a
Chad: child, with a man in a yellow bunny costume
Chad: and in the picture, officer Vanessa is
Chad: holding the toy plane that Garrett had when
Chad: he was abducted and Mike's like you knew
Chad: about my brother.
Bo: The scene that I want to see more than
Bo: anything, Chad, is her having an adult
Bo: conversation with her father and saying
Bo: like all right, I'm not going to turn you
Bo: in, but you've got a pinky swear, You're
Bo: not going to murder any more children.
Bo: What about on holidays?
Bo: Nope, not even holidays.
Bo: Can I just give myself a little treat for
Bo: Christmas?
Bo: No, especially not around Christmas.
Bo: That is when children experience the most
Bo: joy.
Bo: You are not taking any joy away from any
Bo: more children.
Bo: You get to play with the dead kids you've
Bo: already created, but no more.
Chad: Officer Vanessa tells Mike I didn't know
Chad: about all of this when we first met.
Chad: Sure, you had the same last name as the
Chad: dead kid, but a lot of people have that
Chad: same last name that we don't know.
Chad: And she says the key to defeating the
Chad: robots it's, let me think, electricity.
Chad: Sure, why not?
Chad: Here Take this cattle prod that we use in
Chad: animal control, and here take a taser gun.
Chad: Use that too.
Chad: I'm sure that'll work on them.
Bo: And here's a glass of water.
Bo: Try all of these.
Bo: And here's your sleeping pills back.
Bo: That's just because, if you get in real
Bo: trouble, just take a nap.
Chad: Also, I can't come with you because my
Chad: father's there.
Chad: I won't be any good to you.
Chad: He really messed me up as a kid.
Chad: But you know what?
Chad: Don't worry, I'm going to pull a little
Chad: Scatman Crothers from the Shining.
Chad: I'll show up anyway to save you.
Chad: Okay, wink, wink, get out of here.
Chad: Have fun killing the robots.
Bo: And so at Freddy's, the band starts playing.
Bo: What?
Chad: song, are they?
Bo: Oh, it's the super scary one.
Chad: Chad the romantic secrets that you keep.
Bo: That's right.
Chad: You paid for it, might as well use it.
Bo: Yeah, you paid for the song.
Bo: We're going to play the song off.
Bo: Mike goes and she also tells him here's the
Bo: best way to get inside, go through this
Bo: outside vent and you'll avoid detection.
Bo: Fine, and so he has to sneak in, which he
Bo: does, and he slips past Freddy and Bonnie
Bo: the bunny, who are playing their song.
Chad: Chica and Mr Cupcake escort Abby off to the
Chad: side because they're going to go murder her.
Bo: Yes, and so with his super power, water
Bo: Mike pours some on the stage and then
Bo: shoots the stun gun at the water which
Bo: fries Freddy and Bonnie bunny.
Bo: And so they're all out of commission now,
Bo: did the?
Chad: ghost children go to heaven or hell or
Chad: purgatory, I think they just take a nap.
Bo: And so meanwhile Chica has Abby and this
Bo: porcelain doll thing opens up and it's got
Bo: the.
Bo: It's the one that's got the.
Bo: You know traps that broke the broom earlier.
Bo: Yeah, and it's about to put Abby in there
Bo: and Abby's like why are you trying to hurt
Bo: me?
Bo: And then Mike interrupts and fires a stun
Bo: gun at Chica that fries Chica for a second.
Chad: Down goes Chica, down goes Chica.
Chad: Mike saves Abby and he says Abby, I've been
Chad: stuck in the past.
Chad: I'm going to take care of you from now on.
Chad: And Abby says I love you too, mike.
Chad: And Mike says I didn't say I love you.
Bo: I mean, but thanks.
Bo: That seems real sudden.
Bo: It seems like it's really accelerating our
Bo: relationship in a way that I'm not totally
Bo: comfortable with.
Bo: But all right, I mean I don't not love you.
Bo: Does that work?
Chad: They escape.
Chad: But then Mr Cupcake comes hobbling around,
Chad: or hopping, and latches onto Mike's leg.
Chad: Abby leaves and then we see the ghost boy
Chad: over in the wings of the stage.
Chad: Then Foxy the robot is still wandering
Chad: around somewhere.
Bo: It's actually a pretty good.
Bo: You know, as far as this movie being creepy,
Bo: it rarely is, but seeing this kid standing
Bo: in front of these open black curtains and
Bo: stepping back into the darkness and then
Bo: Foxy's eyes lighting up, it's like oh OK.
Bo: If the rest of this movie had had stuff
Bo: like that, it would have at least been kind
Bo: of spooky.
Chad: Mike grabs a cattle prod and zaps Mr
Chad: Cupcake.
Chad: So Mr Cupcake is gone and then Foxy stalks
Chad: Abby through the game room with a clank,
Chad: clank, clank of his metal feet and his one
Chad: good eye because he's got eye patch,
Chad: because he's a pirate.
Chad: Abby then hides in the plastic ball pit in
Chad: the middle of the game room.
Chad: She's definitely going to emerge with some
Chad: form of hepatitis.
Chad: And then from the shadows a new robot
Chad: appears and it is the giant yellow rabbit
Chad: with a clunk, clunk, clunk and it kind of
Chad: growls.
Chad: So Mike shoots the yellow rabbit with his
Chad: taser, but this rabbit is not fazed.
Chad: By then, as promised, officer Vanessa shows
Chad: up after saying she wouldn't do so, and she
Chad: shoots Foxy with a taser and she saves Abby.
Bo: And then we get our villain speech, where
Bo: this yellow rabbit that's kind of rotting,
Bo: unlike some of the other.
Bo: It's weird because this movie goes between
Bo: these sort of perfect versions of the
Bo: Freddy characters, but also sometimes
Bo: they're rotting, and it's kind of confusing
Bo: as to, ok, do they really look kind of
Bo: gross and rotting, or do they look OK, or
Bo: is this just the perception that Abby and
Bo: Mike have of them, or anyway?
Bo: So but this yellow rabbit, he comes out and
Bo: he's like hey man, I killed your brother
Bo: and now it's my turn to kill you.
Chad: That's symmetry, man, symmetry.
Chad: How does that symmetry?
Chad: There's three siblings, yeah.
Bo: Then he says let's wake up all these kids,
Bo: man, and they can play with you, Mike, and
Bo: so all of the robots that were previously
Bo: stunned start to come back to life.
Chad: Shouldn't his evil villain speech explain
Chad: why he abducted and?
Bo: killed Garrett here.
Bo: I mean, I think it's just for fun.
Bo: He's right, is it that he's just back?
Bo: Yeah, he's just a villain.
Chad: And it's just coincidence that Mike showed
Chad: up to get this job as a night watchman.
Bo: That's the thing he never really says, or
Bo: at least not to the best of my memory.
Bo: He never says like when I saw your last
Bo: name, man, I knew I had to give you this
Bo: job.
Bo: I had to get you here, man.
Bo: It's been a long time since I killed
Bo: anybody and I kind of wanted to.
Bo: He takes off his mask at a certain point,
Bo: revealing surprise, surprise.
Bo: It's Matthew Lillard.
Bo: Vanessa pulls a gun on him and he's like
Bo: you're not going to shoot me, man, and so
Bo: she pops him in the shoulder.
Bo: He's like hey, like ow, and Mike is telling
Bo: Abby like you've got to make a drawing to
Bo: show all the dead kids what really happened
Bo: and show that the yellow rabbit was bad or
Bo: something.
Bo: And you're like, um, I guess that's how
Bo: this movie is going to end.
Chad: Yeah, it's a real Herald in the purple
Chad: crayon.
Chad: Whatever she draws somehow manifests itself
Chad: in the minds of the ghost kids who are
Chad: still in the robots that they've
Chad: decommissioned.
Chad: I don't know.
Chad: So Matthew Lillard, undeterred by the
Chad: gunshots he just received from his daughter
Chad: he just goes full Homer on Bart and just
Chad: starts strangling her.
Bo: Yes, he's like hey, man, I only had two
Bo: jobs for you.
Bo: One was to keep this guy in the dark, the
Bo: other was to kill him if he got too close.
Bo: Man.
Bo: And she says that's two jobs, and then he
Bo: stabs her for making that stupid callback.
Chad: Abby draws a picture real quick that shows
Chad: the yellow rabbit holding a knife and
Chad: killing all the kids and she sticks it on
Chad: the giant refrigerator door.
Chad: Matthew Lillard looks over at the crayon
Chad: drawings and he sees what Abby gribbled out
Chad: in about 30 seconds and he says, like, what
Chad: have you done?
Chad: And then Abby says they can see you now,
Chad: they know what you did.
Bo: And then the robots all start to turn on
Bo: Matthew Lillard and Mike flips the breaker
Bo: yeah, and then they just descend on him.
Bo: All these row of the ghost spots descend on
Bo: the yellow rabbit, and then the suit clamps
Bo: start to dig into his flesh and you're like
Bo: again why on earth put these in the costume
Bo: you yourself are going to be wearing?
Chad: I think that the spring lock component is
Chad: something out of the canon of the games of
Chad: him being in it.
Chad: So that's part of doesn't make it less
Chad: stupid.
Chad: Look, I'm not saying that make it less
Chad: stupid, it's.
Chad: Maybe it's just why it's there.
Chad: And then, before Matthew Lillard, aka
Chad: William Afton, dies, he says like I always
Chad: come back, man, and that's a famous line
Chad: from the game.
Chad: And then he takes the time to put the bunny
Chad: head back on because he's a bit of a drama
Chad: queen, and then Abby says what's happening?
Chad: Asking the same thing that was running
Chad: through my head for an hour and 40 minutes.
Bo: You should be ashamed of yourself for this
Bo: runtime.
Chad: Mike says spring locks.
Chad: And then Mike and Abby drag Officer Vanessa
Chad: out of the restaurant, while the four
Chad: robots drag the yellow rabbit off to the
Chad: back room, probably to sing a rousing
Chad: rendition of the romantic secrets that you
Chad: keep.
Chad: And then we cut to Abby in school.
Chad: She's now thriving.
Chad: Bo and Mike picks her up and they're having
Chad: a little playful back and forth about what
Chad: they're going to have for dinner.
Chad: But they make a quick stop at the hospital
Chad: to see how Officer Vanessa is doing and Bo
Chad: she is lying unconscious in the bed due to
Chad: her stab wounds.
Chad: So either Abby really snapped back to her
Chad: new normal or Officer Vanessa is taking
Chad: forever to recover from her stabbing.
Bo: I think maybe a little of the two combined.
Bo: But again, we don't know time or place in
Bo: this movie, so why on earth bother now?
Chad: Mike just says get better.
Bo: And then he's like we've got a real
Bo: complicated feeling here where, on the one
Bo: hand, you let your homicidal father run
Bo: rampant without punishment for years and
Bo: hid the death of my brother.
Bo: On the other hand, you did save me and Abby.
Bo: So you know, I guess it all evens out here.
Chad: Make sure you call me when you gain
Chad: consciousness.
Chad: We have got to get our story straight.
Bo: Yeah, a lot of questions, because the place
Bo: fell apart kind of, but not really.
Bo: There are probably going to be some
Bo: questions that I have to answer and you
Bo: know when people ask me lots of questions I
Bo: get real confused because of all the pills.
Chad: Also, I need you to testify as a character
Chad: witness in an unrelated court case where
Chad: I'm getting sued for beating up a dad in
Chad: front of his kid.
Bo: Also, there's the untidy matter of a corpse
Bo: found in my living room.
Bo: There are a lot of questions about that
Bo: Also, can we?
Chad: live in your house because I'm being
Chad: evicted from my house.
Chad: I got a big red notice.
Chad: There's no takesies backsies on that.
Chad: Maybe if it was yellow, but definitely not
Chad: red.
Bo: Cut to the teacher.
Bo: You're doing a great job.
Bo: Mike, You're really turning things around.
Chad: So we cut to Mike and Abby.
Chad: They're back at the home.
Chad: Their refrigerator has a new crayon drawing
Chad: on it.
Chad: That's very happy and it involves Mike and
Chad: Officer Vanessa and Abby and the four
Chad: murdering ghostbot children creations.
Chad: And Abby asked Mike, can we visit my
Chad: friends?
Chad: Sometimes Nobody takes care of them now and
Chad: Mike says you know what?
Chad: Abs?
Chad: Nobody knows what will something, something.
Bo: We'll see what the box office does.
Bo: Abby, it is the most cynical ass, andy.
Bo: I hate it.
Bo: So I guess we'll see if this makes money.
Chad: So we zoom out and then we fade back into
Chad: the restaurant where we see the main ghost
Chad: boy with the blonde hair staring at the
Chad: yellow bunny costume, which is just shaking
Chad: and writhing and paying.
Chad: I'm like again how many days have passed?
Chad: Is this Matthew Lillard slash William Afton
Chad: still alive in that costume?
Chad: And then much like Al Pacino and the
Chad: Godfather.
Chad: The ghost boy just closes the door as the
Chad: final scene of this movie.
Bo: You can ask me one question about my ghost
Bo: cake, but only one, just this once.
Bo: Yeah, it's a real nothing of an ending.
Bo: And then there's a post credit scene where
Bo: we cut back to the cab driver, who
Bo: apparently has been sleeping in his cab for
Bo: days and days.
Chad: Apparently.
Chad: That's what people do when they get jobs
Chad: they just go nap oh man.
Bo: If only I'd known that.
Bo: And he wakes up and looks over in the
Bo: passenger seat of the cab and there's the
Bo: balloon statue and he screams.
Bo: And then we get an absolutely intolerable
Bo: Five Nights at Freddy's chiptune song.
Chad: It's by the Living Tombstone.
Chad: It was some famous internet song about Five
Chad: Nights at Freddy's, but terrible, seriously,
Chad: they're going to make no less than four
Chad: more of these there's no doubt it made a
Chad: shit ton of money because people are into
Chad: this franchise, like again.
Bo: It has spawned games and books and internet
Bo: memes and YouTube influencers out the ass
Bo: and it, like it, makes it some money.
Bo: Five Nights at Freddy's is like the 12th
Bo: largest economy in the world and it's one
Bo: of those secret things that if you do not
Bo: know about it then you don't know anything
Bo: about it, but if you are in the know you
Bo: realize like, oh, this thing is shockingly
Bo: big, both among kids.
Chad: After its first two weekends it has made
Chad: over $100 million domestically.
Bo: Yeah, and the budget can't be more than
Bo: what?
Bo: 20?
Bo: I think it was 20.
Bo: So that's I mean again, this thing is going
Bo: to be a jug or not.
Chad: The question is how fast can they get the
Chad: next one out?
Bo: I mean, they filmed this one in earlier
Bo: this year, yeah, and you've already got all
Bo: the animatronics made at this point, like
Bo: you've done the heavy lifting on that
Bo: investment and you've got all your stuff.
Chad: You don't have to spend much time writing a
Chad: screen Right.
Bo: I mean, this was if it was a weekend.
Bo: I'm shocked.
Bo: Like I said, this is truly.
Bo: I know we'll talk about rankings here in a
Bo: minute.
Bo: This is truly one of the shittiest scripts
Bo: that has come across our desks on this show
Bo: in some time.
Bo: It's like man for it being such a
Bo: legitimate cultural thing that nobody gave
Bo: a fuck and that's stunning.
Chad: It feels like a movie that the script
Chad: started one place, then they added the
Chad: sister and then the aunt piece and then
Chad: they got rid of some stuff.
Chad: You know what I mean Like.
Chad: It feels like a screenplay that maybe just
Chad: evolved over time and by the time they got
Chad: something that they felt was ready for
Chad: cameras, it just was this Frankenstein's
Chad: monster of ideas that none of it really
Chad: cohesively ties together, which goes back
Chad: to my original complaint.
Chad: They're just connecting all of these dots
Chad: that don't fully come together.
Chad: Yeah, and it could have been a really fun
Chad: silly movie with more camp and over the top
Chad: horror, but it's dealing with this main
Chad: character and how he is processing grief
Chad: and regret.
Chad: That's no fun.
Bo: Yeah, it's no fun and it's also not well
Bo: realized.
Bo: It's not just that it's not a great time
Bo: for kids, who is your audience, but also
Bo: you're doing it in such a terrible lazy way
Bo: that even if, even if the kids were into it,
Bo: man, then there's nothing there, it's just
Bo: bad writing in bad execution, as God bless
Bo: them.
Bo: The listeners have heard us talking about
Bo: here the amount of bad characterization and
Bo: just a lack of exposition, and I don't need
Bo: somebody to sit down and just tell me what
Bo: the movie is about.
Bo: But it would be nice if they cared enough
Bo: to tell me you know basic facts like
Bo: setting and motivation and things that you
Bo: need to propel a story.
Bo: That is just what narrative is, and you
Bo: can't get around that other than again, I
Bo: guess, to appeal to an audience that is
Bo: built in, who want to see these characters
Bo: that they've been reading about and playing
Bo: games about for a number of years come to
Bo: life on the screen.
Bo: But that's all there is to it.
Bo: If you do not have a connection to Five
Bo: Nights at Freddy's, there is nothing here
Bo: for you as a viewer.
Bo: It's not a real movie.
Chad: All right, it is, it is about that time.
Chad: How, though, would you rank these movies?
Bo: I have to go worse to best.
Chad: All right, we can go worse to best.
Bo: All right, because I think the worst still
Bo: remains hardbeeps.
Bo: For me, hardbeeps was a slog.
Bo: That is a movie that was so hard to get
Bo: through.
Bo: It is so blisteringly unfunny.
Bo: It is just a movie where a bunch of robots
Bo: go wander around in the woods and then go
Bo: back to where they started, and it's
Bo: shocking that.
Bo: That was a movie that ever saw the light of
Bo: day and there's nothing there right in
Bo: front of it on.
Bo: And number five on my list is this movie.
Bo: Five Nights at Freddy's only gets a nudge
Bo: on account of the animatronics being pretty
Bo: good.
Bo: All the puppet work from Jim Henson Studios
Bo: is is pretty cool and the character design
Bo: which comes from the games, but the
Bo: realization of that character design is
Bo: kind of interesting.
Bo: Other than that, there is nothing here.
Bo: This is a real slog of a movie as well.
Bo: Like these bottom two, five Nights at
Bo: Freddy's and Hardbeeps are movies that I
Bo: genuinely regret ever having watched, given
Bo: how little life I have left.
Bo: Okay, then my number four is the Black Hole
Bo: which has some interesting effects work and
Bo: it has Ernest Borkine and that's it.
Bo: That's all that movie has going for it, but
Bo: I do find it kind of creepy.
Bo: And then my top three are all movies I kind
Bo: of like there's.
Bo: Number three is Class of 1999, because it's
Bo: short and ridiculous and we just had a good
Bo: time with that one.
Bo: I like Class of 1999.
Bo: I could watch Class of 1999 again.
Bo: Choppy Mole is the same way.
Bo: Number two for me, choppy Mole, I think, is
Bo: silly and dumb but it's quick and the pace
Bo: is good and I can watch that anytime.
Bo: And my number one is Megan, which, despite
Bo: being a rip off of a bunch of other movies,
Bo: is at least something.
Bo: And we watched the unrated version which
Bo: has a little more blood and a little more
Bo: bite to it than the PG 13 version.
Bo: And I think Megan is fun, I think it has
Bo: something to say and is pretty good at
Bo: saying it, and I think that it's mostly a
Bo: good time.
Chad: Since you went from bottom to top, I'm
Chad: going to go top to bottom, okay.
Chad: My number one was the same as yours, megan.
Chad: I agree that was a movie that I enjoyed
Chad: more than I thought that I would.
Chad: We also have the same number two Chopping
Chad: Mole.
Chad: Chopping Mole is a fantastic throwback to
Chad: terrible 80s slasher.
Chad: We have the same number three Class of 1999.
Chad: Again, a movie that is so ridiculously over
Chad: the top.
Chad: It's short, it's stupid and it's a really
Chad: good time.
Chad: The bottom three is where we differ.
Chad: I'm putting Five Nights at Freddy's as my
Chad: number four, just because the production
Chad: quality was better and it kind of kept me
Chad: guessing, but for all the wrong reasons.
Chad: But I still found the movie to be terribly
Chad: frustrating.
Chad: My five and my six.
Chad: I hate to say that I'm tied with Black Hole
Chad: and Heart Beeps, but if I got to pick one
Chad: over the other I would probably go with the
Chad: Black Hole over Heart Beeps, even though
Chad: during that review I said that the Black
Chad: Hole was worse than Heart Beeps.
Chad: The Black Hole is just completely bonkers
Chad: and misguided.
Chad: There's a lot of really talented people in
Chad: it and it's just.
Chad: It's just such a weird, unsettling movie.
Chad: And, to your point, heart Beeps is just.
Chad: It was terrible.
Chad: It was one of the worst things we've ever
Chad: reviewed and the only reason I might put it
Chad: above the Black Hole is because it was
Chad: shorter.
Bo: Yeah, it somehow felt longer, though for me
Bo: at least, heart Beeps felt.
Bo: I felt every second of that movie waning on
Bo: me like we were on some planet with
Bo: increased gravity, as opposed to the Black
Bo: Hole, which is longer, yes, but it felt
Bo: like stuff was actually going on for the
Bo: most part, and you've got a pretty good
Bo: death with Anthony Perkins, and you know
Bo: it's not a great movie, but it's
Bo: interesting, and Heart Beeps is not.
Bo: But yeah, so, chad, with one season behind
Bo: us, the only question is what's next.
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