Why You Can’t Shortcut The Healing Process

If you’ve ever been stuck in the “loop of doom”
in a relationship dynamic, you’ll understand this exhausting dance:

After the honeymoon phase is finished, 
which lasts between up to 6 months to 18 months…
you graduate to the next phase of the relationship, 
which is called the “power struggle” phase.

Here’s what it looks like:

You’re effected by their mood.
You look to THEM to determine how you’re “supposed to” feel.
Their upset becomes YOUR upset.

As a result of this dance, when they are triggered, 
they turn to a coping strategy to deal with their pain…

They distract with work, video games, football, p*rnography…
anything to avoid feeling what’s happening between you…

then this results in YOU getting triggered in to not feeling important.

Your abandonment wounds get activated.

This is not your fault. 

It’s perfectly normal. 

But if you haven’t yet learned the skills 
(which involve the body, much like a dance move),
this activation causes you to regress 
calling your wounded younger parts to come out
and protest with controlling behaviors, 
blame, and a needy “push” like energy.

Unfortunately this causes what you want to go further away from you.

What you want is connection.
Understanding.
Repair. 

Without the skills of breaking through the power struggle phase,
you’ll find yourself alone (even if you’re in a relationship)
or avoiding the exhausting dance altogether,
because you’ve done the courses and talk therapies 
and nothing has been able to solve the riddle.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way.

I discovered this same exhausting dance (only I was the avoidant),
and what I learned was that that lack of separation between me and the other
was called “enmeshment”— and that was not my fault (or yours)
but its actually a developmental trauma we were conditioned into 
by well-meaning parents who hadn’t healed THEIR enmeshment wounding 
in their family system. 

Symptoms include: 
Wanting to separate from the people you love the most.
Having other’s people’s emotional states and anxiety becoming YOUR anxiety,
and an inability to sit with someone who is having big emotions without 
a compulsion to fix or rescue or run.

I saw this pattern and was committed to making sure I didn’t pass this along to my son.

This enmeshment pattern is the root cause of Codependency.
And talking about it to a therapist simply doesn’t do squat except bring a label to it.

Learning masculine and feminine communication is powerful, but without THIS
foundational skill, it’s like learning how to drive with a lamborghini going full-blast.

Communication doesn’t land well without healing that developmental trauma FIRST.

My clients often would complain “my therapist helped me identify what was wrong, 
but then I wasn’t given tools in how to fix it.” 

If you are resonating with this, just know that you’re not alone.

I learned that by Becoming Trigger-Proof,
I could create a separation between me and another person,
and THEIR ANXIETY DIDN’T HAVE TO BECOME MY ANXIETY.

This is why I left my chiropractic practice: Because I made a huge discovery
people were not seeing.

If you’ve already done so much to heal, 
and yet you’re frustrated by your progress, 

consider the possibility that you aren’t broken…

and there are NO SHORTCUTS TO THIS:

It’s likely that you haven’t yet looked at the upstream root cause of it all:

Unresolved enmeshment wounding.

And the good news is that you CAN heal this if you’re willing to go deeper
than watching videos and venting.

When you do, your self worth emerges as does your confidence.

All the communication you’re learning and boundary setting practices 
feel more embodied, and your magnetism goes through the roof.
Men get rooted in their masculine leadership, 
and for women— their radiance emerges. 

People start asking you what you’ve been doing differently, 

and it’s only YOU that will know where the difference came from.

Imagine what it would be like to stop being SO AFFECTED by others.

This is the path to healing families…

your wingman on the adventure
to breaking free from enmeshment wounding,

Nima
------------
P.S. Does this email resonate with you?

If you find yourself in this power struggle phase,

I’m listening.

Hit reply and make sure you give me your back story,

sharing what you’ve tried in the past, what worked, and where 

you’re frustrated.

If you’re tired of being stuck in the same exhausting relationship cycles, 

and ready to break free from the enmeshment that’s been holding you back, 

let’s talk. 

I’m opening a few spots for a Trigger-Proof Blind Spot session 

to reveal the root cause of what’s really driving your anxious/avoidant dance.

If you’re serious about healing and ready to step into your power, 

hit reply with your story and end it with, 

"Nima, I’m ready to break the cycle and take back control. 

Please send me your private calendar link."

This isn’t for everyone—

but if you’re done with feeling stuck and ready for a true breakthrough, 

let’s make it happen.

This 30 minute call is no-charge, no obligation, 

but your back story will help me determine

if I can see any blind spots in your journey 

and will send you my calendar link if I feel I can help.

What is Trigger Proof Transmissions (Cyclebreaker Collective)?

Welcome to the TriggerProof podcast.
This is the first season of the Podcast which are audio renditions of
Facebook Live Video Transmissions done for the “TriggerProof” Facebook Community.
These were set up by request of our community members who wanted an opportunity to listen
to insights, tools, and strategies to help heal relationship dynamics, deepen intimacy,
and master the fine art of Autonomic Nervous System Regulation so that we can build resilience,
heal from the past, and become active operators of our mind, body, and life.

This first season wasn’t designed to be a podcast, so you’ll notice the audio isn’t
Professional Studio Quality (like it is on season 2 as we’ve upgraded incrementally).

These trainings are designed to introduce and deepen you to the most critical 2 skills we’ve never been taught:
1) The skill and practice of taking our triggers (Nervous System Activations) and turning them into deeper safety and self-love,
2) The skill and practice of taking conflict (that happens in any relationship) and turning them into deeper intimacy between the parties involved.

Not learning these two critical skills at this time in history costs us dearly: Physical and Mental health is on the DECLINE.
Doing this deep level of healing work can break the cycle of Intergenerational Trauma that didn’t start with you.

It didn’t start with you, but it can end with you,
#Cyclebreaker.
______________________________________________________________________
When you're ready, here's what we got:

Upcoming Masterclass "SHOULD I STAY OR GO?" Live Event (Every month)
If you’re stuck in limbo, in repetitive relationship patterns, same arguments, attracting the same patterns, and you want to gain the clarity, confidence, and Courage to create secure relationships
https://drnima.com/lp/should-i-stay-or-go/?sl=transistor-podcast

Upcoming "Breathwork and Badassery" Live Event (Every month)
Regulate Your stress, deepen your connection to your inner child, process your stuck emotions and improve your capacity
https://go.drnima.com/bbvw?sl=transistor-podcast

Upcoming Overview Experience Virtual Event (Every month)
Dissolve your current relationship resentment, heal your attachment wounds, resolve your past and bring clarity to your next step.
https://go.drnima.com/oevw?sl=transistor-podcast

Or if you are wanting to hop on a call and discuss how we can support you through your transition and you're wanting deeper guidance on your healing journey and you're ready to break the cycle of inter-generational trauma (divorce, separation, relationship limbo, past trauma spilling into present)
https://drnima.com/discovery/application/?sl=transistor-podcast

Join my Facebook Group to help you understand yourself, control your triggers, regulate your nervous system and know what's keeping you stuck in these times of crisis:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/triggerproof

Dr. Nima: 00:00

Whatever you're triggered by in him is also kind of like a reflection of a younger part of yourself. So this becomes a huge opportunity to find, to integrate, to to surrender and do the inner work to be able to feel more connected to those parts of yourself, so that you can now show up as a queen rather than a wounded child. Divine feminine energy rather than wounded child energy, you know. They call it wounded feminine. Divine feminine.

Dr. Nima: 00:36

Wounded masculine. Divine masculine. So there's no shortcut for that. And so our work is to break these cycles, and you can't do it alone, and no one can do it for you. So what I'm really thrilled about is giving people the opportunity to actually do the work.

Dr. Nima: 00:57

You know, there's talking about it. They're scrolling through social media. And even videos like this are helpful. You know, I'd rather you watch content that wakes you up and keeps putting you back to sleep or listen to content if you're listening to my podcast. That's what my commitment is, is that this stuff, even though it might be triggering, is designed to wake you up.

Dr. Nima: 01:17

And I teach you how to take a trigger and become better at autonomically regulating it so that you can become the active operator of your nervous system. And stop the cycle of showing up in relationships being controlled by somebody else's emotions. This is enmeshment trauma. You asked a question about how to heal developmental trauma that happened long before maybe even before you were even born. You know, who knows?

Dr. Nima: 01:47

But our work is to actually be the one to solve it ourselves. Otherwise, we're always gonna be looking outside of us, and our insecurities continue.