Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
A faith-forward podcast for people who love Jesus but also love being honest about how weird and wonderful life can be. Hosts Kerrye and Jill tell stories about the Bible, talk about their faith, and dig into what it looks like to follow God through the ordinary chaos of everyday, imperfect life. Real conversations. Real stories. No pretending to have it all together. Pull up a chair, turn the page, and let's go.
Welcome to Chapter and Verse, where people
tell real stories about faith, failure,
redemption, and those "Lord, I'm gonna
need you to explain this one" moments.
Some stories are inspiring, some
are messy, some are miraculous,
and some probably should have
come with a warning label.
But through every chapter of
every story, God has a plan.
And he's never been
afraid of a little chaos.
We're Jill.
And Kerrye.
Let's turn the page
Hey, everybody.
Hey.
Welcome to our new little segment-
… called Wait, That's in the Bible?
Yes.
Okay, so for the month of October,
the, we have two episodes that we're
gonna be talking about weird, gross,
kinda scary stories in the Bible.
Yeah, spooky.
Yeah.
We're not- What do you mean-
Listen … that's in the Bible?
Ew.
It's in the Bible.
I can already spoil it for you.
These are things in the Bible that
you might not have known about.
Or if you do know about
them, you'd rather forget.
Yeah.
Yeah.
One- Little bit … listen, one
I'm just gonna admit right now, I
didn't know this one was in the Bible
until just a few weeks ago- Oh, man
and I probably just glossed
over it because- 'Cause it's
so gross … it's disturbing.
Mm-hmm.
So we're gonna turn over to chap-
or, sorry, 2 Kings chapter 6.
Let's turn in our Bibles, and
Jill, what- Old, um- What version
would you like to read from today?
Well, I typically go from…
Did you say first or second?
2 Kings.
2 Kings.
Chapter 6.
Chapter 6.
I typically go with The Message, remember?
Yeah.
I wanna try something different.
I think I'm just gonna try the NIV,
um- Okay … I just wanna- Have a
little bit more of a traditional- Yes.
Okay all right.
Uh, we're gonna start with, um,
2 Kings chapter 6, verse 24.
24.
All right, so there's a sa- there's
a famine going on in Samaria.
As the background you need
to know, this was a famine.
Um- It was a siege of Samaria.
It, the, the price of food was absurd.
Um- Relatable.
Yes.
The desperation in the
city was beyond shocking.
Um, and this is a story, a very brief
story, about two mothers and their sons.
Ah.
Does it say the age of their sons?
Just said sons.
And I was reading something preparing
for our Sunday lesson to the kids, and I
did not teach this- To children's church.
Did not teach this to the kids.
I didn't.
But when I was reading, I
was like, "Oh, my goodness.
This is in here."
Yep.
And it's not very long.
So Jill, do you wanna start?
Oh- No, I think you should start
because there's the first little thing.
I mean, I guess I can.
Okay.
It doesn't matter.
"Sometime later, Ben-Hadad, king of Aram,
mobilized his entire army and marched
up to l- and laid siege to Samaria.
There was a great famine in the city.
The siege lasted so long that a
donkey's head sold for 80 shekels."
And I guess the, they ate that?
I don't know.
I mean, I guess.
I mean, they're desperate if
they're gonna eat a donkey's head.
Or maybe…
I don't, I don't know that they-
I don't know … talk about a
donkey's head as much as, like,
like you have a head of cattle.
Like, you have however
many head of cattle.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Like, maybe that's the terminology.
Um, "As 80 shekels of silver
and a, and a quarter of a cab
of seed pods for five shekels."
I don't even know what that is.
What does yours say?
Um, mine says, "80 shekels for
a donkey's head and five shekels
for a bowl of field greens."
Okay.
So it says, "As the king of Israel
was passing by on a wa- on, passing
by on the wall, a woman cried to him
and said, 'Help me, my lord the king.'
And the king replied, 'If the
Lord does not help you, where
can I get help for you?'"
What does yours say there?
Mine says, "He answered, 'If
God won't help you, where
on earth can I go for help?"
"To the granary?
To the dairy?'"
Yeah.
So, but he basically s- then
he says, "What's the matter?"
And this is where it's so disturbing.
Listen, it's disturbing,
disturbing, disturbing.
Well, but it's in there.
It's in there.
She answered, "This woman said
to me, 'Give up your son so that
way we may eat him today, and
tomorrow we'll eat my son.'"
Ugh.
"So we cooked my son and ate him.
The next day I said to her,
'Give up your son, so we may eat
him,' but she had hidden him."
Take it, Jill.
'Cause it's almost over.
This is- Do you want me to, to read
the way mine described that or no?
I mean, no, I was just
saying- Okay … you can.
You can.
Um- It's okay.
So in 30, in chapter, in verse 30- Mm-hmm
it says, "When the king heard the
woman's story, he ripped apart his robe.
Since he was walking on the city
wall, everyone saw that next to his
skin he was wearing coarse burlap.
And he called out, 'God do his worst
to me, and more, if Elisha, son of…'"
How do I say this word?
I don't know.
I wasn't looking at it.
I was- Are you serious right now?
I was listening to you.
Um, Shaphat?
Or is it- Yeah … PH, like Shaphat?
I don't know either What's the Shephat?
Shephat still has a head on his
shoulders at this day's end.
Yeah.
Elisha was sitting at home and
the elders sitting with him.
The king had already
dispatched an executioner.
But before the man arrived, Elisha
spoke to the elders, "Do you know
that this murderer has just now
sent a man to take off my head?"
"Look, when the executioner
arrives, shut the door and lock it.
Don't I even now hear the footsteps
of his master behind him?"
So, and then later on, Elisha makes,
makes an outrageous prediction- Mm-hmm
that this time tomorrow food will
be plentiful and affordable again.
Yep.
And basically, one of the king's officers
says, "Even if God opened the windows
of heaven, how could that happen?"
And Elisha says he'll see it
happen, but won't get to enjoy it.
Yep.
So, um, and meanwhile, four men with
leprosy are sitting outside the city
gate, and they realize they have
three terrible choices, stay where
they are and die, go back into the
starving city and die, or surrender
to the Armenians and maybe survive.
So they head toward the enem-
enemy's camp and nobody's there.
Mm-hmm.
God had caused the Armenian
army to hear what sounded like
a massive approaching army.
They panicked, assumed that Israel had
hired other armies to attack them, and
ran for their lives, leaving behind
their tents, horses, food- Mm-hmm
clothing, silver, gold, everything.
And the four men started
eating and taking valuables.
Then one of them essentially
realized, "Um, we probably
shouldn't keep this to ourself."
They're like, "Oh, man, I'm stuffed."
So then they…
Everybody comes and plunders the camp, and
suddenly there's plenty of food, and it
was exactly how Elijah, Elisha predicted.
So, anyway, um, and that one
that said, like Elijah, Elisha
said, "You're not gonna get to
see it," um, he is killed in…
He's killed, so he doesn't
get to see all that.
So anyway, that's just a little
story that I found really, really,
really disturbing and- Super gross.
Yeah, sorry.
Sorry for sharing, but you need
to know what's in the Bible.
But- But also, this way, if someone
ever comes to you and is like, "There's
cannibalism in the Bible," you can
be like- Yeah … "Yeah, I know."
And you know, we do hear outrageous
stories even now- Yes, we do … about,
I'm not even gonna go into them,
but you hear of things horrifically
happening, even in this own
country, in our own country, but
there's nothing new under the sun.
Nothing new.
You can go right back to the Bible and
see that this kind of stuff happened too.
So there you go.
Yep.
So what's the next one
we're gonna talk about?
It's gonna take a little bit
longer to talk about this one.
Yeah.
Let me pull it up.
We are gonna talk about, um, when
Should I…
I'm trying to decide whether to
do, like, a little spoiler alert
or whether to wait until the end.
Um- I think we should just
jump in and start reading it.
Okay, so in 1 Samuel chapter 5,
starting in verse one, it says,
"Once the Philistines had seized
the chest of God," or I guess more
accurately, the Ark of the Covenant.
Mm-hmm.
"They took it from Ebenezer to Ashdod,
brought it into the shrine of Dagon, and
placed it alongside the idol of Dagon."
I like- How- I like these.
I like this story.
I do too.
I, this is one of my favorites.
And listen, just because it was an idol
doesn't mean it wasn't a little g god.
Correct.
This was a little g god.
This was a little g god.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I mean, we, we've
talked about Dagon before.
Yeah.
Like this was the god that Nineveh was
serving and, you know, all the things.
So anyways, it says, "The next morning
when the citizens of Adgod, Ashdod
got up, they were shocked to find
Dagon toppled from his place, flat
on his face before the chest of God."
I have, I'm…
It keeps calling it the chest of
God, but I'm going to refer to
it as the Ark of the Covenant.
Yeah.
"They picked him up and put
him back where he belonged.
First thing the next morning, they
found him again toppled and flat on his
face before the Ark of the Covenant.
Dagon's head and arms were broken
off, strewn across the entrance.
Only his torso was in one piece."
"That's why even today, the priests of
Dagon and visitors to the Dagon shrine in
Ashdod avoid stepping on the threshold."
God was hard on the citizens of Ashdod.
He devastated them by
hitting them with tumors.
Now, listen, some translations
get a little more specific about
what these tumors may have been.
It says, "This happened in both the
town and the surrounding neighborhoods.
He, he let loose rats among
them, jumping from ships there.
Rats swarmed all over the city,
and everyone was deathly afraid."
That's a no for me.
Right.
Rats, absolutely not.
I'm out.
No.
"When the leaders of Ashdod saw what
was going on, they decided the Ark of
the Covenant of Israel has got to go."
Get this out of here.
Get it out.
We can't handle this, and
neither can our god, Dagon.
They called together all the
Philistine leaders and put it to
them, "How can we get rid of the
Ark of the Covenant of Israel?"
And the leaders agreed, "Move it to Gath."
So they moved the Ark of the
Covenant to, of Israel to Gath.
Mm-hmm.
But as soon as they moved it there,
God came down hard on that city
too, and it was mass hysteria.
He hit them with tumors.
Tumors broke out on everyone
in town, young and old.
So they sent the Ark of
the Covenant on to Ekron.
But as the, as the Ark was being brought
to, into town, the people shouted in
protest, "You'll kill us all by bringing
in this Ark of the Covenant of Israel."
They called the Philistine leaders
together and demanded, "Get it out of
here, this Ark of the Covenant of Israel.
Send it back where it came from."
We're threatened with mass death,
for everyone was scared to death when
the Ark of the Covenant showed up.
God was already coming down
very hard on the place.
Those who didn't die were hit with tumors.
All over the city, cries of pain
and lament filled the air But the
translations that I have read refer
to those tumors as hemorrhoids.
Mm.
And it is the most comical thing
to me that God- … smote the
whole place with hemorrhoids.
Like, h- how are we gonna get the
Ark of the Covenant back to Israel?
I got it.
Hemorrhoids.
Because people get real
uncomfortable with some hemorrhoids.
Yeah.
You know?
They didn't have the Preparation H.
They didn't have Preparation H.
Back then.
Mm-mm.
But yeah, gross story.
So gross.
Just But also funny, you know?
Yeah.
Like, and like, they must have been
really, really terrible because
they saw the Ark of the Covenant
coming and they were like, "No."
Nope, you're not coming here.
Which means all of the, the stories
of like, did you, did you hear
about what's going on in Ekron?
Like, I don't know what's going on.
Everybody has hemorrhoids.
Got the 'roids.
They have the 'roids.
As our British friends
would call them, the piles.
The piles.
It's awful.
Anyway.
Okay.
So that's story number two.
Um, I forgot something I wanted
to put in the other story.
What's…
What?
The first one.
I wonder if we can…
Yeah.
Okay.
There's a fascinating biblical
connection to this, um, story
and that's in Deuteronomy 28.
Um, it had warned the Israel that the
rebellion could ev- eventually lead
to a siege so terrible that things
like that would occur, like- Really?
… famine and all that stuff.
So, um, I mean, I feel like- Like, did it-
God is always like- Yeah … giving
us a little- A heads-up … like, yep.
Yeah, like a, "Hey,
don't, don't mess around."
But then there was a turnaround and
God- Mm-hmm … was like, I mean, Elisha
s- Elisha gave the word, you know?
Okay.
All right.
So- Then- … the next story,
where are we finding it, Kerrye?
This is gonna be in 1 Samuel 28.
It is scary and weird.
And, um, so it t- it talks about
Saul, who is, um, you know, Saul
the k- the first king of Israel,
not Saul- Not Saul- … not the New
Testament … who goes into Paul.
Yes.
Yeah, not that dude.
So, um, all right, so in those days,
this is chapter 28 verse one, uh, the
Philistines gathered their forces to fight
against Israel and Achish, Achish said to
David, "You must understand that you and
your men will accompany me in the army."
David said, "Then you will see for
yourself what your servant can do."
And Achish, Achish- I think
so, yeah … said, "Very well.
I'll make you my bodyguard for life."
And so Saul, you know, is at this
point, he has made so many mistakes.
Samuel is dead, and all of Israel had
mourned for Samuel and buried him,
and Saul had, had driven out all the
mediums and the Spiritists from the land.
Okay?
He had made them leave and- He
said- "Get out" … "Get out."
Yeah.
"Go.
We don't want you here."
Then Um, he, he got afraid because when
he saw this army coming, he inquired of
the Lord, but the Lord did not answer
him by dreams or any of the prophets.
And Saul said to his attendants,
then after he had driven them out,
he says, "Find me a woman who is
a medium so I can go ask her."
So, um, after driving them all out-
This is the part that I'm like, okay,
so it first of all, first of all,
good on you for driving them out.
Mm-hmm.
Saul, like way to go.
Excellent job.
Um, the, the part that goes a little bit
bonkers for me is like after you took the
time and, and did all the things right
and sent them out, the first time that
you were like handing an answer and it
didn't come immediately when you decided
it had to happen, what was your go-to?
Not like, "Hey prophets,
like, can you ask again?"
No.
It's, "You know what I need?
A witch."
Mm-hmm.
"I need a witch.
Somebody find me a witch."
First question, why did his servants
not go- Um- I guess he just- Um,
sorry, s- uh, sir, you, you told us
to get rid of the witches You don't
talk against the king, I guess.
I don't know.
You…
I don't know.
But his servants busted out
with, "There's a witch at Endor."
Like- How- first, how do you know?
First off, how'd you know?
Exactly.
How do you know?
How do you know?
So he disguises himself 'cause he doesn't
want anybody to see what he's doing.
Yeah, because he can't go because
he's the one that drove them all out.
Yep.
And he went to her and said,
"I need you to consult a
spirit for me, the one I name."
So he specifically wants Samuel.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And- Not just any ghost-
Yeah … not just any spirit.
Like, I need this one.
The one's name, yeah.
And the woman said, "Surely
you know what Saul has done."
So she doesn't even know
it's Saul at this point.
Yeah.
She's like, "Um, you're
gonna get in trouble."
I wonder if she knew it was Saul
and was just like- No, because
she's like, "I don't wanna do
this, or he's going to kill me."
Maybe she thought it was a test.
I don't, I don't feel
like she's that smart.
Probably not.
But I'm just saying, like…
And then he sa- swears to her and
says that, "Surely as the Lord lives,
you will not be punished for this."
So he's pretty desperate.
And she's like, "Who
do I bring up for you?"
And he's like, "Bring up Samuel."
So, you know, this is, this is kind of a
hard one to believe, and I know it's true.
It's in the Bible.
But I'm like, uh- It's a hard
one to wrap your head around.
Yeah.
But, I mean, it's in the Bible,
so we're gonna believe it.
Yep.
Um, so when the woman saw Samuel,
she cried at the top of her
voice and said to Saul, "Why have
you deceived me, you or Saul?"
She knew right then.
She…
I don't know.
Yeah.
Maybe Samuel told her
himself, I don't know.
Um, and the king said, "Don't be afraid.
What do you see?"
'Cause I guess he couldn't
see it at this point.
And she's like, "I see a ghostly
figure coming out of the earth."
"What does he look like?"
he asked.
"An old man wearing a robe is coming up."
You know Samuel's like, "What
are you bothering me for?
What in the world- Well, also, like, yeah.
Like, excuse me, sir.
What are you doing- Yes … consorting
with witches and bringing me
up from the stinking dead?
What is happening right now?
You know?
Like, Saul, we, we talked
about this- What are you doing?
… right?
Like…
What are you doing?
So Samuel said, "Why have you
disturbed me by bringing me up?"
Now remember, it says up.
Uh-huh.
'Cause at this point, all the
saints of God who have died before
Jesus are- They're in paradise
they're in paradise.
They're not in heaven.
Abraham's bosom-
Yeah … which is not heaven.
Mm-mm.
Not a place of torture.
But not, not hell either.
Yeah.
'Cause they're waiting on their Messiah.
Yes.
So Saul says, "I'm in great distress.
The Philistines are fighting against
me, and God has departed from me.
He no longer answers me, either by
prophets or dreams, so I have called
on you to tell me what to do," because
he cannot figure it out for himself.
And then do you wanna read the next part?
Samuel says, "Why ask me?
God has turned away from you and is now
on the, uh, on the side of your neighbor."
Like, my job's over, dude.
Exactly.
I am in paradise.
Exactly.
Like, what?
God has done exactly what He
told you through me, ripped the
kingdom right out of your hands,
and given it to your neighbor.
It's okay, or it's because you did
not obey God, refused to carry out
His seething judgment on Amalek.
A- Amalek?
Amalekites.
What?
Mine just says A-M-A-L-E-K.
Okay.
Amalek.
Say it again.
Amalekites Amalekites?
I think so.
Okay Anyway … that God does
to you what He is doing today.
Worse yet, God is turning Israel, along
with you, over to the Philistines.
Tomorrow, you and your
sons will be with me.
And yes, indeed, God is giving
Israel's army up to the Philistines.
Okay, so he was already upset and scared,
and now with that word- And now he's
like- He's like, oh … the one guy who
will know what is gonna happen is Samuel.
He's dead.
I've gotta, I've gotta find a witch.
Get the witch to bring him up.
And she's like- And she's like- … "Are
you really expecting this to work?"
What?
Like.
Uh, yeah, she clearly
didn't really think…
Honestly, it makes me wonder,
'cause, like, we know that there
are spiritual things that happen.
We know that there's a supernatural world,
and we know that there are agents of
evil in the supernatural world as well.
Mm-hmm.
So we know that there are, like, in,
in all of history, there have been,
like, you know, divination and all,
all kinds of, of things like this.
Mm-hmm.
There are psychics and mediums
and seances, all the things.
This is, there's nothing
new under the sun, right?
Mm-hmm.
So we know that these people existed.
But I think she, an- this is, I
have no theology to back this,
so this is just Jill's brain.
Let me, let me start with this caveat.
But it makes me wonder if the
reason she was so surprised that
Samuel actually showed up is
because she doesn't have control.
Like, she didn't have any
power over God's chosen.
Mm-mm.
She only could mess around with the
enemy and those spir- and whatever.
Like, that was it.
But when Samuel actually shows up, she's,
she's probably thinking, like, you want…
Y- ho- hold on, excuse me.
First of all, Saul said
we can't be doing this.
Mm-hmm.
Like, you're trying to get me killed.
But now you're like,
oh no, you'll be fine.
Okay, who do you want?
S- Samuel.
Samuel.
Okay, how am I gonna get Samuel?
And then Samuel shows up, and
she's like, what's going on here?
I feel like God took over at that point.
Well, 100%.
Like- Like, of course.
Of course.
And she's like- And she's like, because
she doesn't have control over anything.
Yeah, and so she's surprised,
'cause she's- Yeah … she's
like, how did this even happen?
And then, and then on top of it, so
Samuel's irritated because he's like,
what, what am I even having to do here?
And also, I'm not, I
can't do anything for you.
Exactly.
Like, I can't help you at this point.
Right.
I'm not- Like, you're, right now this
is the grace of God allowing me to
be called up from f- from paradise by
this witch, and then- Y- you want me
to give you like a, "It's okay, buddy"?
I done told you what's gonna happen.
Nothing's changed.
Like, the prophecy hasn't changed.
You just want a different answer.
Yeah.
So- This is the kid telling the parent-
Let's read … like, "But, but, but…"
Yeah.
"No, I've given you the answer."
Yeah, so she says, um or no, sorry.
Um, immediately, this is
in verse 20, Saul, um- Fell
full length on the ground, filled
with fear because of Samuel's words.
His strength was gone, for he had
eaten nothing all day and all night.
So he passed smooth out.
Have you ever, have you ever-
This, this said he f- he dropped
to the ground, felled like a tree.
Like- Oh … timber.
So have you ever passed out
because- 'Cause I haven't eaten?
Yeah.
No, girl.
Have you seen this belly?
Like…
Well, the only time I came
close, um, was when I gave blood
and I- Same … had not eaten.
Well, I had eaten, but that took so long-
See, mine- … to get to me … mine,
I had, I had eaten a little something,
um, but so I don't, I don't, I'm…
This is maybe a sidebar, a side that
doesn't really matter about anything,
but, um, I don't typically eat a lot
of breakfast 'cause it tends to make me
a little bit nauseous in the morning,
and I went and gave blood first thing
when I got to work once, and they,
like, I gave blood very quickly.
Like, it was just a fast,
like- Mine too, and she said-
Spurted out, I guess … "Oh."
Mm-hmm.
Because it took four minutes,
and she said- Yeah … "How
long does it usually take?"
And I, and I said, "How
long does it usually take?"
And she goes, "10."
Yeah.
She go- And I said, "Oh, well
that, will that happen every time?"
She goes, "Probably."
Mm-hmm.
And, um, then she goes,
"You, are you feeling okay?"
I'm like, "Yeah."
Yeah.
I'm happy.
'Cause while I was
laying there, I was fine.
Well, mine- It was when they l- They
didn't even lift- When they were like,
"Go ahead, sit up" … lift this.
And then I was out.
They didn't even lift me up, and I, she
turned her back and I was like, "No."
I don't feel good.
And she was like, "Okay."
And she goes, "Are you hot?"
And I was like, "Yes."
And she, I had a jacket,
little, little jacket.
Mm-hmm.
And she, like, opened that up and, um,
she's like, "Are you gonna throw up?"
And I was like, "Mm-hmm."
And that's all I can remember saying.
Like, she was, she didn't want
me to go to sleep and all I
wanted to do was go to sleep.
Yeah.
And I had my eyes closed and
she would panic every, or it
felt like she was panicking.
Mm-hmm.
"Keep your eyes open!"
Yeah.
And I was like, "Lady, I just want the lo-
the earth to swallow me up at this point."
Yep.
That's exactly how I felt.
Like- Yeah … I'm ready.
Yeah, exact- I'm ready to go … exactly.
Don't you dare resuscitate me.
And I was like, "I just…"
And she was like, "What's
the names of your kids?"
And you know, all my kids'- Uh-huh
… names start with T, and I went, "T."
And she was like, "Okay."
And then, um, and then just in a
few minutes, like it just came back.
My ears were burning hot.
That's crazy.
I remember- I don't remember any of
that part- Me neither … but I remember
waking up strapped to like the, the chair
thing that they like put you down on the
ground so they can- It's embarrassing
'cause there are other people in there.
It's so embarrassing.
And I, I don't even know
what they were doing.
And I'm like, "I didn't
do anything wrong."
We had just made fun of guys
who c- big guys who come in
there and then they pass out.
We were like making fun of them.
And as I turned around,
I was like- Hubris.
… "I don't feel good."
I remember just talking in slow
motion, and she's like, "Okay."
And she…
Never showed my face there again, ever.
Never will either.
Oh.
Anyway, so he faints- Yeah, so
he faints … basically, and
she's from the South, because she
immediately wants to give him food.
Honey, let's eat something.
It, it says, "The woman, realizing he was
in deep shock, said to him, 'Listen to me.
I did what you asked me to do, put my
life in, in your hands doing it, carried
out your instructions to the letter.
It's your turn to do what I tell you.
Let me give you some food.
Eat it.'"
Let me give you something to eat.
"It will give you strength
so you can get on your way."
And- She's like, "I'm gonna
feed you so you can get out."
Get out of here.
Get away from me.
So- He says, "I'm not eating anything."
I'm not eating.
Which, why?
Why would…
I guess he didn't want her food.
Maybe she had some- I, maybe,
maybe he just figured like he's
gonna m- maybe keep fasting.
I don't know.
Dude, take the Coke and
cookies and raise your blood.
Coke and cookies?
That's what they gave me.
They gave me some Coke and cookies.
I was really happy.
They gave me orange juice.
She goes, "You wanna go?"
Orange juice and crackers, I think.
Yeah.
And I was like, "Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Anything, just give me something."
So, but those men joined the woman
in urging him, and he listened
to them, so I guess he did eat.
I don't know.
And then he got up from the
ground and sat on the couch It
was so funny to picture this.
I don't know.
It's just funny.
And the woman had a fattened
calf- Yep … at the house.
Like, "I had just had a
fattened calf in my kitchen.
Let me go get it."
Which she had butchered at once.
Oh.
So she was…
I mean, do you ever think, you know,
when you're reading the Bible and they're
like, "Oh, let me go pra- prepare food,"
and then that you see that they're going
to, out to kill a calf and I'm like,
"Dude, how long is this gonna take?"
Like, you're fixing to make me a meal
and you're just now killing the…
You're just now killing it?
I mean, they didn't have refrigerators.
You know what I mean?
I know, but I'm like,
I'm hungry right now.
It's like going to a dinner party
and having to wait three hours.
I'm-- Yeah.
Well, and then she, it says she took flour
and kneaded it and baked some flat bread.
I mean, at least it was flat.
She didn't wait for it
to like, you know, proof.
But I mean still.
So they all ate, and that same
night they got up and left.
They weren't gonna spend the night there.
Some creepy things
happened there, I'm sure.
She…
It says, "After dining handsomely,
they got up from the table and
were on their way that same night."
Yeah.
So this is one of the weird, weird
stories in the Bible that, I mean,
I knew about it, but I mean, to this
detail, I didn't know he f- I didn't
really realize he fainted and had to eat.
Me neither.
I mean- Because you just
hear about the first part.
You don't really get into the details
of what happened, but I think it's
really, really funny that she fed him.
She feeds Saul dinner.
Not just Saul.
She fed the whole everybody.
Yeah.
Like- She's like, "Maybe this
will get me out of-" Of course
she had to go kill the calf.
She- Yeah.
… she's just a single witch over
there, you know, just chilling.
And now she's got a whole Kingsley or
kingly- Yeah … like entourage to feed.
Yeah.
Like that's insane.
Okay, so the next one that
we're gonna cover, the next and
last for today, is found where?
Daniel chapter 5.
Okay.
So we're at a party with this one.
Everybody loves a party.
Everybody loves a good party.
Okay.
This, the backstory is,
um, Jerusalem is falling.
This story begins around 605 BC.
When- Look at you with your dates
Babylon under Nebuchadnezzar II
begins, uh, controlling Judah.
And Dan- Daniel 1 describes
Nebuchadnezzar taking sacred vessels
from God's temple and carrying
them to Babylon, so he's stealing.
Wait, wait.
Nebuchadnezzar is stealing?
Yeah.
Or…
Okay.
Yes.
And he also takes, uh, some of
Judah's young men, including
Daniel and his- Mm-hmm
three friends.
Right.
Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah, who we all
know as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.
Right.
And, um, you know, he takes them.
And Daniel has spent decades
living under Babylonian rule.
So this is the backstory to it.
So Nebuchadnezzar is incredibly powerful.
Um, Daniel is in his,
I don't know, cabinet.
I don't know what you'd call it now, but
I- I mean- … don't know … his court.
Yeah, I mean, he's interpreted his dreams.
Um, you know, we've gone through
the fiery furnace at this point.
That's in- Yeah … Daniel 3.
Um, but Daniel 4 is where we
kind of understand Daniel 5.
And Nebuchadnezzar, because he's
a king, is consumed with his own
greatness, just like other kings in
the Bible, other kings in the world.
Um, but God is going to
humble him dramatically.
And, um, we know how he did that.
Do you remember how he humbles him?
No.
Isn't he the one that becomes
a m- Oh, ooh … an animal?
Yes.
Uh- So
Was that in Daniel 4?
I can't remember.
Let me see.
I'm gonna look that up.
Um- Like, oh, yeah.
Yeah.
But he still, you know, he
still doesn't act right.
Um, hang on.
All right, listen.
Let me see.
Talking into a- Is, is Nebuchadnezzar
isn't the same as Belshazzar, is it?
Or are they the same person, they
just have two different names?
I'm gonna just have to
look that one up, too.
Okay.
'Cause- Yes, so- … mine, my version
says in Daniel 5 that it was King
Belshazzar that had the, the feast.
Well, I don't know.
Let me- Yes, yes.
Okay.
They're the same.
Okay.
They're one and the same.
So, yes.
So we're still talking about
Nebuchadnezzar, and that is not the
party that we are at in Daniel 5.
But in Daniel 4, Nebuchadnezzar,
um, is turned into- Mm-hmm … an
animal- Yep … and is humbled
because he has to live like an animal.
That's another story we could talk
about, but I mean, that would take-
Maybe that's for the next one.
Maybe the next one, but basically-
Weird, fun … we're, we're up to speed.
But the, um, you know, Nebuchadnezzar
dies in ni- in 562 BC, and then he,
then he had several follow him, I think.
But Belshazzar is the
guy in Daniel 5, so yeah.
He is ruling, and he
is Much worse, I think.
Um, anyway, they just
get, they just get worse.
But he throws- … this gigantic
banquet- Yep … um, while Babylon
is facing an enormous Persian threat.
So he has 1,000 nobles at this
enormous- Mm-hmm … feast, and
he makes a catastrophic decision.
So do we wanna start reading?
Yes.
Okay, go ahead.
So, um, just starting in verse
one- Okay … of Daniel five.
It says, "King Belshazzar held a
great feast for his 1,000 nobles.
The wine flowed freely.
Belshazzar, heady with
the wine", so drunk.
He's drunk.
"Ordered that the gold and silver chalices
his father Nebuchadnezzar had stolen from
God's temple of Jerusalem be brought in
so that he and his nobles, his wives,
and concubines could drink from them."
And this is a no-no.
This- This is God's stuff … this
is an absolute no-no.
Mm-hmm.
"When the gold and silver sh-
chalices were brought in, the king
and his nobles, his wives, and his
concubines drank wine from them.
They drank the wine and drunkenly
praised their gods made of gold and
silver, bronze and iron, wood and stone."
Mm-hmm.
"At that very moment, the fingers of a
human hand appeared and began writing
on the lamp illumina- the lamp-illumined
whitewashed wall of the palace."
I mean, how creepy is this?
First of all- You're at a
party … it, you're at a party.
Like, I don't, I don't know.
I'm just thinking like you're at a
party, you're chilling, you're drinking,
and you're having what you think is
a great time, and then just a, a ha-
a hand.
A human hand or- A human hand … a
hand, like a man, I guess.
I don't know.
What did it say?
It, it says, "The fingers of a
human hand", so not even- … a
hand, fingers of a human hand.
How many fingers?
I don't know.
I don't know.
And like they, it just starts writing
on not any wall, the wall that's lit up.
So it's like, oh no, we're
definitely gonna know about this.
We won't see this one.
You can't call it a shadow
'cause it's in the light.
So you can't even like…
No, it's actually happening.
Mm-hmm.
When the k- Not, not a person.
A person didn't show up, just the fingers.
It's just- I'm like, what?
You, you just know- Well, mine says
a human hand.
Okay.
Well then a whole hand.
But like, you just know that there
was somebody somewhere that like
smacked their buddy and was like, "Yo."
Look.
"Yo, are you seeing this?"
Am I just the only one seeing this?
Like, am I the only one or is that a hand?
Is that a hand?
Do you see the hand?
Like, not taking their eyes off of it.
I just, I feel like
that's what I would do.
Well, and it says the king watched as the
hand wrote, so he saw it right away too.
Yeah.
. All right.
So mine says, "Suddenly the fingers-
No, it just- I'm just reading.
Suddenly the fingers of a human
hand appeared and wrote on the
plaster of the wall near the
lampstand in the royal palace.
The king watched the hand as it wrote.
His face turned pale and he
was- Got it … so frightened.
Go ahead.
It says, "He went white as a
ghost, scared out of his wits.
His legs went limp and his
knees locked," or knocked.
Okay.
Not locked.
So have you ever-
Knocked … have you ever…
I have had my legs turn to like,
I always say turn to Jell-O.
I, I have had my knees turn to Jell-O,
like where my legs were like, "Girl,
we're not supporting you anymore."
What…
When was that for you?
But I wasn't scared.
I- Oh, I was scared.
I don't think I was scared.
It, I felt like I was gonna
pass out, but that was it.
Oh, wow.
But I have never been so scared
that- What, what were you doing?
I was singing in the
choir, but I was pregnant.
Oh.
I think I just had my
knees lock for a while.
I, um, was playing a virtual game with…
I mean, I was a mom.
Oh.
Okay.
So we were at some, some kind of,
I don't know, museum or something,
and I had a vir- virtual thing on.
Mm-hmm.
And it looked like I was walking a
tightrope between buildings, I think.
Oh.
And- So it was like a VR kinda game?
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
And so I was, like, on ground but
didn't feel like I was, and my…
I thought, "I'm gonna
th- I'm gonna faint."
And my knees were, like, shaking and
my, my kids were making fun of me.
Oh my gosh.
And I was like, "I can't do this."
I ripped it off.
And the other time it happened to me, it
was a virtual game and I was in the ocean.
Well, yeah, we know how
you are with the ocean.
And I cannot…
Yeah.
And, um, something passed by me, and I-
You were like, "I'm out" … I chunked it
off, and that happened to be Tal's game.
And he's like, "Don't ruin it."
Like, I just couldn't take it.
But my…
That's the other time my
knees were just like Jell-O.
I haven't had my knees like Jell-O,
aside from when I thought I was gonna
pass out, but I live with Ben Tucker,
and he likes to scare the people.
And so I, for me, I'm, I'm a jumper,
not a, not a faller- Yeah … usually.
But- Okay.
So- But anyway, it literally says, "His
legs went limp and his knees knocked.
He yelled out for the
enchanters, the fortune tellers,
and the diviners to come."
See?
They always had these things.
Yeah.
Always.
Always.
They think that they're
smarter, and then they- Yep
of course, they couldn't, and-
Yeah … I- He said, told these
Babylonian magi, "Anyone who can read
this writing on the wall and tell me
what it means will be famous and rich,
purple robe, the great gold chain, and
be third in command in the kingdom."
So of course they had to call for Daniel.
Yeah.
So in verse- They're like, one
after the other they try, but
nobody could make sense of it.
Yeah.
So verse 13, he was brought before the
king and- Mm-hmm … he said, "Are you
Daniel, one of the exiles my father…"
So he didn't even know him Yeah.
'Cause he had to ask, "Are you Daniel?"
Yeah.
"The king brought from Judah, my
father, the king brought from Judah.
I've heard that the spirit of the g-
of the gods is in you, and you have
inside intelligence and outstanding
wisdom", and he goes on and on.
This says, "I've heard about, I've heard
about you, that you're full of the Holy
Spirit and that you've got a brilliant
mind, that you are incredibly wise.
And the wise men and enchanters were
brought in here to read this writing
on the wall and interpret for me.
They couldn't figure it out.
Not a word, not a syllable."
And so then he promises
all the riches to him.
Like, "You can have this and this and
this and this, and you can be this."
Yep.
And then in 17, Daniel says … Daniel
says, "You can keep your gifts
or give them to someone else."
I don't want them.
He's like, "Ugh."
You can just tell he's like, "I don't,
I don't want any of your stuff."
Yeah.
What?
You know?
But I will read the writing for the
king and tell him what it means.
'Cause, you know, he walked in, saw
that, could immediately read it.
Mm-hmm.
And he was like, "Oh, here we go."
Yeah.
So it said, what did it say?
Let's, um- 18.
It says, "Listen- Oh yeah, but I
was gonna kinda- Oh … skip to it.
Were you gonna skip to it?
Okay.
Um, let's see.
He,
it was- I mean- It's a long, it's
a long thing … it's a long thing.
He, it's a long thing that he…
Okay, we can just read it.
Okay.
It says- Keep it … well, in 24 it
says, "God sent the hand that wrote on
the wall, and this is what is written."
This is what we're into, yeah.
Mene, Tekel, or Tekel,
'cause there's no U.
Tekel.
Tekel and Peres.
This is what the words mean.
Sidebar, I don't know how to pronounce
those words, so I- Me, mine says, "Mene,
Mene, Tekel, Parsin", is what mine says.
Okay.
But then- Well, we'll go with it.
Yeah.
But Mene, God has numbered the days
of your rule and they don't add up.
Mm, I brought a 10 in is what mine says.
Yeah.
Tekel, you have been weighed on the
scales and you don't weigh much.
Burn.
We're cutting you down.
Cut me down.
I'm just like- Belshazzar … oh, man.
And then Peres, your kingdom has
been divided up and handed over
to the Medes and the Persians.
Medes.
Medes- Yeah … and Persians.
Yeah.
And yeah.
Yeah.
And that very night, I
believe, didn't he die?
Yeah, he was murdered.
It says, Belshazzar did what he promised.
He robed Daniel in purple and draped
the great gold chain around his neck,
promoted him to third in charge in
the kingdom, and that same night, the
Babylonian King Belshazzar was murdered.
Darius the M- Mede was 62 years
old when he succeeded him as king.
Yeah
Yep.
And then Darius and Daniel got along.
That reminds me of, I don't remember what
movie it was, but it was the, "You have
been weighed, you have been measured,
and you have been found wanting."
Yes.
What was that?
I remember that in that movie.
Was it A Knight's Tale?
Maybe.
We need to look that up.
Look up that- Let me look that up.
But yeah, that- Hit me with this.
What movie was this?
So then in, in the order of things,
that's when the next chapter talks
about, you know, illegal prayers,
Daniel praying when it was illegal.
And I love that topic, and I think
that we need to, we need to start
praying illegal prayers again.
But, um, we can talk about
that next time we talk.
But, um, yeah, that's a really good…
I really, really like that story, and
I like the next- It's A Knight's Tale.
Yeah.
I was right.
Yes.
Yeah.
It says it's, um, Count Adhemar being
spectacularly smug to William Thatcher.
Yeah.
But yeah.
I like it a lot.
I like those stories, and we
were, we're-- This is the first
one that we're doing October.
We'll have one more October, but we kinda
wanna make this a series 'cause I, I don't
know, I like, I like- I like the creepy,
weird stuff … that's in the Bible.
I mean, it just- That's in the Bible.
Listen, a lot of times
people think that…
These are the people that I'm
like, "You clearly don't spend
much time reading the Bible."
If you think that the Bible is dry
and dusty and boring, like, you don't
spend very much time reading it.
No, the Bible's funny.
It- It's funny … it's scary.
It's full of weirdo stuff like this.
You just, I mean, or maybe you just
are bad at picking up on your, like,
comprehensive part of the reading.
Yeah.
Like, you aren't com-
comprehending what's going on.
But- Yeah.
I- … it's, it's not dull.
Yeah.
I like it.
I like it, and, um, we're gonna be making
this a little habit because I feel like
if you really dove in, you'd read it more.
Well, you'd read it more, and
also- Jill and I right now, and-
Uh-huh … by the time this airs we
will be done, I think, or almost done.
Yeah.
But we are reading the Bible in 41 days.
It's- Have you done your reading today?
It's a trip.
No.
I haven't either, and we- But I have
a, I have a drive to Little Rock later.
Yeah.
And so I'm gonna throw it on,
and I'll have- Yeah … I'll have
a whole hour to listen to it.
I…
It's hard because we're, it's
basically 30 chapters a day.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm doing it from beginning,
you know, uh- I decided to-
Genesis to Revelation … switch back.
So I have 10 extra chapters to
do in order to catch up with you.
Yeah.
Um- Yes … but- But- … crikey … um,
yeah, I, I want to challenge anybody
who wants to do this, 41 days, read
the entire- What's our, what's our
chapters today is, like, Exodus what?
No, I'm done with Exodus.
I- Oh, we're done with Exodus.
Well, you may not be.
Yeah, I've got 10 more chapters.
You're on Exodus, so- So I
think I have the, the last-
I'm starting Leviticus today.
So yeah Yeah.
Leviticus is hard.
It's hard.
And that's another reason.
And I do- Do I have to
be awake for Leviticus?
Yes.
No.
Like, can I play it at night?
Dang.
No.
Um, and I do follow along
as I'm listening- Right
a lot of the times if I'm not driving,
but- Yeah … 'cause I like to actually
see it too, but I, I like to be read to.
Yeah.
And I think that's, if you, if
you are in the car a lot, that's
a great way to get your Bible in.
And so we're calling this
the Holier Than Thou Contest.
Newsflash, Kerrye is going
to win the Holier Than Thou.
I think.
Yeah.
Yeah.
'Cause listen, ugh- Hm … Leviticus is
gonna do me in so yeah, I, I challenge
you to a Holier Than Thou contest.
Try to do it in 41 days.
Um, just do it.
It … You won't regret it.
You won't catch everything.
Mm-mm.
And that's okay.
But you read other things,
you listen to other things.
Mm-hmm.
Let's get the Bible in us.
Yep.
'Cause it's in your spirit, you know?
It is.
And there, especially when you are
listening to it as you try to follow
along with your, with your Bible
in front of you- Mm-hmm … um, y-
you do pick up on different things.
Yeah.
Yep.
It, it does make it easier for
me to stay paying attention.
Yeah.
We're, we're both gonna win, Jill.
We're both gonna do it.
I just feel like you're gonna beat me.
Why?
I don't know.
You're staying with it.
In the 90s.
Kerrye's the accountability partner.
She's like, "Oh, no, you're not quitting."
You're not quitting.
You're not quitting.
No.
What's funny is this was like,
Kerrye was like, "I'm gonna do this.
Do, do you maybe wanna do it with me?"
And I was like, "Yeah, sure."
And then she was like, "40 days."
41.
And I was like, "What?"
41.
She goes like, "10 chapters a day."
I'm like, "There are some long chapters."
Yes, there are.
There are.
Boy.
And- But I don't read it all in one
sitting … you did not tell me that
you were doing it straight through,
like, from Genesis to Revelation.
Like, I thought we were
gonna, like, jump around.
You know how you can do, like,
the Bible reading- Well- … in,
like, a year and knock out, like,
little books- Yeah … all at once.
Well, I did 30 in 30, um- Right … in
the beginning of the year.
The 30 shortest books in 30 days.
Mm-hmm.
That was a cinch.
Yeah.
Um, and you can look
that up online, 30 in 30.
Um, and you could get it done.
You could start with that, but
that's gonna make a long- It's gonna
make a really long- … 11 days.
Yeah.
Um, I would not recommend that.
No.
Um, just, just start, I think, so … It's
good, but there's so much long books.
There are so many long
books in the Old Testament.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I almost- It's hard
wonder if it would be something … I
… This … Not for the Holier Than
Thou, just maybe, like, the next
thing that we do, I kinda wanna read
the Bible in chronological order.
I've never done that, and I do want to.
Really?
Let's do it next.
We'll do that next.
I sounded a lot like my dad
when I just said, "Really?"
Really?
That sounds like, "Really?"
All right.
Well, this wraps up our first,
um, That's in the Bible?
Um- Yeah … series.
Well, it's gonna be a series.
So join us next time and- We're gonna
have- Yeah … crazy, good stuff.
Want to If you have, if you have
suggestions, go ahead and comment.
Yeah.
Leave them.
Yeah.
Tell us.
We love- Tell us what to-
We love a good suggestion.
A little, like, weird story or
gross story or creepy story or-
Yeah … That's in the Bible.
Just unexpected.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Pass it on.
Anyway.
Catch you later.
Bye.