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Diagnosed with Complex Trauma and a Dissociative Disorder, Emma and her system share what they learn along the way about complex trauma, dissociation (CPTSD, OSDD, DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality), etc.), and mental health. Educational, supportive, inclusive, and inspiring, System Speak documents her healing journey through the best and worst of life in recovery through insights, conversations, and collaborations.
Over: Welcome to the System Speak Podcast,
Speaker 2:a podcast about Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to long time listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Well, I went I'm just I'm just laying in my car. I'm in the garage, but it's not turned on. It's turned off, and it's not too hot. So I have permission. I'm being safe.
Speaker 1:But in in our car is a mattress for camping and for living and and for adventure And, also, got a camping chair in here, but I'm not sitting in it. I'm just driving with it. And I have these things. I don't know what they're called. So I can close the windows and no one can see me.
Speaker 1:But also also for when you drive a long way, then you can just sleep somewhere safe, but you don't gotta pay for it very much. Just like a little bit, like, the same as a hot dog or something or or something. And if you have a campfire, if you're not afraid, you can have a hot dog. I like a hot dog with ketchup and relish. That's that's pretty good stuff right there.
Speaker 1:If you're if you're camping, you feel comfortable with it. But I wanna tell you about driving. And, well, there's a lot of things to talk about because we move we move here and it's alright. It's pretty good. But sometimes sometimes I'm tired of her working, all the time working.
Speaker 1:And if if they already got if they already got a chance to play like the lils or if Katie has already painting and everybody's busy where they're supposed to be, then I just like to take a break by myself without any of them girls and come sleep in the car. I take my nap in the car because I'm comfortable here, and I'm safe here. And it doesn't matter if I'm at Oklahoma, if I'm here. My car is the same car. That's something not the same.
Speaker 1:But I I I I have quiet ventures. Quiet adventure. Let me let me tell you about it for I just minding my own business. I was not bothering nobody, and then it's like, oh, we're moving tomorrow. And I was like, okay.
Speaker 1:Because I'm good at moving. I had moved my whole life over and over again. Like, I I don't know how many times I'm telling you. My whole life, I just keep moving. I'm never good sitting still.
Speaker 1:That's probably why, but but I'm just moving, and and then they said, well, we're we're going. And I'm thinking, oh, I don't know if this is trouble or not trouble, but it's not my idea, so I'll go for the drive. But we talked to our therapist. We talked to the husband. We talked to the children.
Speaker 1:And then I said, hey. Hey, kids. You can help me load up this car if you want. It might be fun. And, yeah, we had good time.
Speaker 1:You know, we did? We got the desk in this car. I said, I'm a good helper. I can make this happen. And I worked out and I worked out.
Speaker 1:And by golly, I did it. I got that desk in this car right on top of the mattress. Like, I'm just gonna take a nap while I'm working, while I'm driving. What do you think about that? Well, not really.
Speaker 1:That's not very safe, but you know what I mean. And and then and and then I took all the drawers out because if the drawers are in the desk, I cannot move it by myself. But if the drawers are not in the desk, then I'm pretty strong, and I can lift it right over my head. And so I took all the drawers out, and then I thought all these holes where the drawers go, I could put all the most important things. So I put in some cans of soup, and I put in their toilet paper, and I put in some silverware and a plate and a bowl, and I put in a washcloth and a shampoo, and I put in some socks and some tissues.
Speaker 1:And I put in well, I just put all the things in I could. And then we pack all the things we can, and I kept saying, we need to bring this. It's important. No. That's not what they brought.
Speaker 1:They brought markers. And I said, we need to bring this. It's important. And the no. That's not what they brought.
Speaker 1:They brought washi tape. And I said, we need to bring this. It's important. And, no, they brought clothes. You know how many clothes I need?
Speaker 1:I need one clothes. I got one body needs one clothes. You know, I got some overalls. I bet they didn't even pack my overalls. I I I like overalls.
Speaker 1:If if you if you got things to do, you need pockets and you need you need you need overalls for work clothes, and I really like overalls a lot, actually. You know what, though? I did get my hiking boots because I put them in here myself. Because when you come out here, the wilderness, you need to have hiking boots. And know what?
Speaker 1:I did already have some. So take that. I didn't even spend no money. We already had them because, well, we like hiking. That's why.
Speaker 1:I remember they're very old, but they do the job just fine. You know, like a cozy pair of slippers except for rocks and streams and snakes. You wanna have on hiking boots so you don't get bit by nothing. And so we're not slipping and sliding if I'm I'm walking on the rocks or the mountains or climbing hills. You know what?
Speaker 1:We had to drive the mountains. I'm not even kidding you. That's the worst experience of my whole life. It was like that was like a roller coaster. Like, every time I kept going on the hills, up the mountain, over, I can't even see where is the road in front of me, and it goes so down.
Speaker 1:And, I'm a deaf kid for Virgo, and I'm thinking I'm gonna die. I can't even see which way is up. And it made me so car sick. So we got through those mountains, and then I had to do, you know what, pull over and puke. That's what.
Speaker 1:And I and I I I just I just I found all of the cold rest stops and the nature trails, and I went for a walk by the river for feel my tummy better and get some wind in my face a little bit before before after we finished those mountains. Oh, I do not like that. I said, I'm never gonna go there again. That's three strikes. You are out of there, buddy.
Speaker 1:No way. I'm I'm not I'm that's not happening again. That's what happens when you take this route. You gotta take the norther route. I thought I was taking a norther route, and I follow the map, And I know there's a south route and a north route, but I I try following the map.
Speaker 1:But this new car is arguing with me, and the steering wheel said to me I said, I don't need do I do I look like I'm listening to you? No. I do not. I got a map. I like maps a lot.
Speaker 1:I'm I'm I'm gonna I need to get a new map for Christmas. Like, for this place, know where I'm at. I got I need to find a sea map. A sea map of this place. And I but this car this car Africa was so limbo.
Speaker 1:This car was argue with me and said, there's construction ahead. If you if you want alter route for save you hour forty five minutes, well, nobody wants to be in the car extra forty five minutes hour. And I said, yes, please. Because I I I wouldn't get car signal noise. It take twenty two hours driving.
Speaker 1:I'm not even make that up. Twenty two hours. And so I said, yes, please. As otherwise, it would be like driving all day. And so I said, yes, please.
Speaker 1:But when I said, please, then the picture map changed and take me a different way, and then all of a sudden, I'm South route. And I said, oh, man. Oh, man. I knew better than this. What what has happened now?
Speaker 1:I'm carsick at the mountains. And some people, they like them. Some people do you know when we live at the house for that therapist take us home, we live at their family and I had sisters there, and that's where I learned to rollerblade. And and when I was rollerblading there and I had so much fun, but also every year, guess what? They leave me all by myself there because I'm not really a part of family.
Speaker 1:They just pretend I'm family, but I'm not really family because that's what happens when you get foster. And and they they thought I was family, but I was not really family. So when it's time for really family, then they go on trip, and they go every year with with all the people who are going for skiing. And they go this place that I had to drive through on the mountains, and they go skiing there. And I I was driving by it.
Speaker 1:I was driving by it, and I saw it, and I thought, I know the name of this place. I know the name of this place because I remember that's a ski place from the family for the real family trip. And I look at this place as you know, if you drive for twenty two hours, you might have to stop and pee. And so I stopped there because I wanna see what it looks like because they did not take me with them. So I did not see, so now I did see.
Speaker 1:Here's what I think. If you did not ever see this place, let me tell you. It is like a mountain. Knock Oklahoma Mountain where they call it a mountain, but it's really not a mountain. I mean, a mountain that's a real mountain all the way to the sky, full of pointy trees, and so high higher than the I don't know how to tell you how high is the real mountains.
Speaker 1:And and well, what you don't understand you know? Okay. So I can I'm leaning my car, and I have I have the top of the cars open. I mean, not not down. I love a fancy car, but the window on top is open so I can look at the stars and enjoy my nap, except I cannot look at the stars because I am in the garage.
Speaker 1:So what I see is the ceiling of the garage, and it has that chain to open the door. It goes, and it pulls the garage door open. People, that is what they sit on. They put a basket on that. They put a basket.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you, a basket like a Ferris wheel on the garage door chain and ride that up the mountain on purpose. Well, I do not like that one bit. I think that is a high risk behavior. And the only thing I know about skiing is from Atari. And one time when I was in third grade or fifth grade, I had that family, and and we had Atari.
Speaker 1:And when I tried to play Atari, all I do for skiing is crash into a tree. And when I was a little kid, I thought, oh, man. That's so funny. I can't even get down the mountain. I just crashed into a tree.
Speaker 1:Well, now I saw the mountain and I saw the trees, and that's just a bad idea is all I have to say about that. Why would you do that on purpose? Why would you pay money to ride a basket up the chain so you can come down and crash into a tree, and then you're like sandwich meat for the bear? And no. Just no.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna say I'm gonna call it no. That's that's just high risk behavior. And I maybe got a lot of problems in my life, but I'm not a fool. And I thought, well, I have $6 for my whole trip. Maybe I could ride the basket up the mountain and just try and see.
Speaker 1:No. No. I yeah. I could buy six hot dogs for $6. And if I die if I if I ride up the basket, I'm just gonna be dead.
Speaker 1:And then who's gonna eat a hot dog? Nobody. It would just be all leftover, just laying there. Nobody will even even get a hot dog. You know what?
Speaker 1:I had the best hot dog of my whole life. Can I tell you this? Because hot dogs on a smoker. Now that's not high risk behavior, and it at first, it scare me because I saw smoke, and I thought, oh, there's a fire, and it's a problem. And I started panic a little bit, but they show me there's no there's no fire.
Speaker 1:It's a smoker on purpose, and it's a big brown metal thing. I think I think maybe they made it. Maybe they are welding it, or maybe maybe they got at Costco. I learned about Costco. They have Costco here.
Speaker 1:And let me tell you about Costco. At this place, they have Costco. I didn't get to go yet, but I wanna go because you can have pizza for lunch, and it's the best pizza at Costco. And I said, well, then I need to eat it because why why would they make the best pizza and not give it to me? If if if it is the best pizza, then it needs to be in my mouth.
Speaker 1:I need I need I need to eat some Costco pizza, but I did not get to eat any Costco pizza yet, but I need to go there. But I saw pictures of it because I thought she's making up. Like, they have you walk in to Costco. I did not walk into Costco yet, but I learned the story of it. And if you walk in to Costco, well, first, there's a TV bigger than your head.
Speaker 1:Now at my house, we do not even have a TV, but I don't need a TV because I'm sleeping in my car. So I'm okay. I don't have a TV crisis. I'm just saying if you go at Costco, that big building, that's the first thing you see is a TV bigger than your head. And then if you are there, you can buy a puppy or their food or a pizza or get some tires for your car or they have granola.
Speaker 1:Some granola is my favorite granola I ever had in my whole life. It's called Costco. Do you know I it's I it's not called Costco, but they mail it from Costco. And and that's some good cooking granola. I I really I really like that.
Speaker 1:So I did not have the pizza, but the granola get a plus. And, also, I don't remember what else. I I don't remember what else. It's hard to remember because I did not go there yet, but I heard about it. And so that's one option.
Speaker 1:Also here, other thing to do if if you already went to Costco and you're tired and you want some refreshment, I have a pool here. Not at my yard, but around the corner, I can walk there. And also, I can walk to the grocery store. It's just one block and a corner and they turn into the parking lot, and I can walk there. And so now I just walk to grocery store every day, and I'm like, hello.
Speaker 1:I'm here to buy a banana. And they they got bananas there just like that. I'm just I I find. Yesterday, I walk around in the parking lot, and I found $2.76. And I bought some crackers and some cheese.
Speaker 1:What do you think of that? And then and then also, that was not even a hard decision. I mean, it was a hard decision because at the grocery store here, they have, like, a whole cheese restaurant right in the middle of the watermelon. I I don't even know how to explain it to you. Is is is a fancy grocery store, and I said, well, thank you very much.
Speaker 1:It's very nice to move here. And they said, nice to meet you. And I said, thank you. I will be back here tomorrow, And I was. I found 76¢, and I had I had a quarter and a dime already left, and I bought a apple.
Speaker 1:And that crunchy all the way home is is pretty good stuff. The apple is pretty good. And I like I like apples. And, I did not ask them if they sell pizza because I I didn't I wanna be nice, and I didn't wanna hurt their feelings because what if I said, do you pardon me. Do you have pizza?
Speaker 1:And they said, oh, no. We don't. They only have pizza at Costco. That's rude. See?
Speaker 1:So I can't say that because I wanna be rude. So I did not say it, but I learned all about it. And and, also, the other thing on my trip can I tell you something else about my trip? I forgot to tell you. Always at the daytime, I stop by the park for the bathroom at the rest rest area three miles ahead with the blue signs.
Speaker 1:I can do that. It's free, and it's safe, and there's no people as I don't wanna be dead of COVID in twenty two hours. And and I do that, but also at nighttime. At nighttime, I do not stop at the rest area because I do not wanna be on daylight. And so because I do not wanna be at daylight, I do not go to the park at nighttime.
Speaker 1:That is called wisdom. And because I'm a wise guy, I just go to McDonald's or Wendy's or a place with with with a sign by the road so I do not get lost, so I can get back on my road. You know what I'm talking about for for I don't know how to work the picture map yet. The picture map keep talking to me, and I said, lady, be patient. I'm trying, but I'm I'm not I'm not there.
Speaker 1:And here's what you need to know. Because well, the truth is that we do not get out much. Okay? And so I I did not go to a grocery store for since before Curia was born. So that's eight years.
Speaker 1:I did not go to grocery stores. So I'm very excited. I can go to grocery store every day for until I make up eight years. So I can go to grocery store every day. I just walk there for eight years.
Speaker 1:I will do it. I think I can just make up my time. But, also, I do not I cannot spend money at McDonald's, but I can use a restroom, and I can say thank you very much polite because I'm sorry I cannot buy your food. But, also, the girls will not let me eat it. So why would I buy it?
Speaker 1:I don't know. But I might like something. Maybe just one time. But but at McDonald's, guess what happened? You will not believe I'm telling the truth, but I am telling you the truth of it.
Speaker 1:You need to know this for survival. Okay? I'm numbing this up. You need to know for survival that McDonald's, I cannot even tell the people what I want. Before pandemic, one time I had to go McDonald's for the kids, for the outside kids, for the children's.
Speaker 1:And when I went in there, I just didn't say, hello, lady. Can I please get six Happy Meals with these coupons from school? And the lady says, oh, yes. You can. And she takes that and gave me happy meals, and we can go play at the park, and they eat some food.
Speaker 1:I do not get one because I'm a outside kid. I know already. You don't want to tell me again. Fine. Now you cannot do that.
Speaker 1:Now there's computer, and you have to talk to the computer tell the computer what you want, and then the the the people, they will tell you when it's your turn to pick up your food, and they will give you your food, but you cannot tell them, please, can I have this food? They just point to machines. And I said, I'm not smart enough to do this. I don't know how this works now. And, really, it's not crisis of it because I'm not actually getting food.
Speaker 1:You see why it's okay? So it's not a problem. You don't have to stress out about it, but you need to know you need you need to know a trigger warning that you have to talk to the computer at McDonald's, and no one no one said on the sign of the door, trigger warning, you have to talk to the computer here. So I don't know. So I'm glad I was not starving to death because I would starve to death because I I don't know how to order my food at McDonald's anymore because I was at quarantine like Rumpelstiltskin.
Speaker 1:And when I wake up, Rip Van Winkle, I can't even wear McDonald's no more as I'm not smart enough. I told them, and they said, well, we can show you. It's okay. But I said, I I don't really need a McDonald's, so I don't have to know. But once there was a McDonald's emergency and I couldn't figure out, I don't I don't know.
Speaker 1:And so I told them, I told the family about it. I said, I think we said quarantine one year too long because now I cannot find my way around my car, argue with me, and talk back to me, and the picture map is there, but it gets very cranky. And the picture map, that lady says, you have missed your exit. Please turn around. Rerouting.
Speaker 1:And I said, you don't have to be rude about it. You can be respectful. When you talk to me, you can be respectful. I I I I just I'm just gonna sleep in my car. I'm not gonna go to the restaurant or try to go somewhere or follow a map.
Speaker 1:I just wanna be in my regular car with a regular map with regular food unless you have a smoker. If you have a smoker, I'll come to your house and eat your hot dogs because that was good stuff right there. Someone should've did that a long time ago. That was the best hot dog my whole life. I said, please, can I have an extra one for the airport?
Speaker 1:That was a different trip, not my driving trip. I said, please do not have one for the airport, and I carried it in my pocket. So I got on the plane, and nobody else have snacks. And I said, look at me. I got hot dog.
Speaker 1:But I did not eat on the plane because I was wearing a mask. But now back Oklahoma, we wear mask again because we were in red. But now I got here, and now they say they're back in green, and they don't have to wear their mask. And I said, well, I don't have to wear a mask either because I'm just sleeping in my car. So I will tell you about this house because there's more than just a garage.
Speaker 1:There's also a kitchen, and there's a room. And we have our desk from home that I brought here, and I put in there all by myself. And I was very proud of myself, except guess what? You're not gonna believe this. You will not believe this, old man.
Speaker 1:Old man. I forgot the drawers. I packed the car so full. I forgot all the drawers, so I have a desk. But the desk does not have any drawers.
Speaker 1:And I have some cans of soup and then some chicken broth, and we have some rice. And then I have my banana and my apple from the grocery store, and they had hot air balloons. Not inside my house. I'm not kidding you. Outside the house in the sky.
Speaker 1:It it was like a welcome party. They were like, hello. Welcome to the neighborhood. And it was very it was very generous of them. And and if you go out our front door, there's gardens and gazebo and a park and a playground, and it's perfect for rollerblading and walking and and edit podcasts, and everything's okay.
Speaker 1:Except also, I sat by the playground for just one minute, and I said, man, I think I miss those kids. And I wonder I hope we did okay. I hope they know we did not just leave them, but we're trying to make everybody happy, and we're trying to take care of everybody, and we're trying to take care of work and loving and family and providing and all the things that you do for be a decent person in the world because I didn't crash into a tree because I did not get in that basket. I don't know. Those hot air balloons, they don't even have a chain.
Speaker 1:So maybe them skiing people are the smart ones after all. I I don't know how to think about that. That's something worth pondering because they at least have their chain. Hot air balloon don't got nothing but hot air, and you know what they say about that. That means talking too much.
Speaker 1:That's what I brought I brought my Rubik's cube. And in a couple weeks, we are driving back again, but I'm going Northern route. And when I go Northern route, I will come back with my bike, and that will also be fun. And it's going to snow, but I cannot find my snow boots. I thought I have some, but maybe is Mary take them because you all need to know the triplets are bigger than me.
Speaker 1:I'm not even kidding. And I'm not talking about inside, outside. I'm talking about outside kids, the triplets. Their bodies are taller than my bodies, and I don't mean because I'm a kid. I mean even taller than the girls' bodies.
Speaker 1:And then boys, talk like this and said, oh, wow. Wow. They they're taller than us, and she took our clothes and and our shoes and I think she took the snow boots and I said, oh man, oh man, now I'm gonna be up a basket without a chain because I do not have snow boots, and it's gonna snow here. It's gonna be a problem. Except it won't be because I'll just be taking a nap in my car.
Speaker 1:I won't be walking to the grocery store. I better get my walking in now. What am I gonna do when I can't go on walks in the snow? Those girls, they will not be well if we're not walking. They can't just hide out all winter and be sad and mopey and feeling all problems.
Speaker 1:That's why I think about that. What else I gotta tell you? I got two trash cans. They have recycle here. They don't got that.
Speaker 1:Oklahoma very easy. You gotta take it. You gotta take it in a truck or or in trailer or something, but they got right here. One trash can is a trash can. One trash can is really a recycle can.
Speaker 1:And my problem is I keep forgetting which is which, so I had to run down the street and look at the neighbor's trash because one is a color lid and one is a color lid. And I can't remember what colors stand for what one. So I phone a friend, and I go to my neighbor, and I said, I'm just borrowing your trash can. Sorry. And I take a quick peek, and then I know which one is which.
Speaker 1:And I feel a little embarrassed by I take care of the problem. I I I can write down maybe, but I don't I don't I don't I think I forgot the pins. I think I forgot the pins. But it's okay because so far, everybody here is pretty nice, but, I I don't much agree with talking about fires. But I I do agree with helping people feel better after fires.
Speaker 1:So we'll do some work, and it's important here's also what's important that we take care of business for adding, and that means adding means, like adding means, like, we do a good job taking care of the outside kids. We take our turn reading to them and playing with them on Zoom or emailing or send them messages and be very responsible and happy about it. And, also, also then be happy here and saying I I I and and loving to have a good day and and being happy. I feel pretty happy, except I'm kind of hungry as I'm thinking about that smoker. I wish I could tell you how good is a hot dog on a smoker.
Speaker 1:That's the best idea anybody ever had in my life. I I might I might I might I might do that again someday if I if I have a hot dog on a smoker. How you how you do that? I I do not have a smoker. I just have a pot.
Speaker 1:A pot with some water. I didn't even have a pot. I had to borrow a pot. I said, hey. Can I borrow a pot, please?
Speaker 1:And they said, okay. Sure. I packed one pot, but it was too small for a hot dog. It's pretty good for oatmeal. I brought a bowl.
Speaker 1:It's kinda funny. It's like it's like we're camping in a house, but it's a safe house. It's a nice house. There's only two problems with the house. One is they had a water problem, but they fix it, and it was an accident.
Speaker 1:And not my fault. I was not in trouble. Nothing. And the other problem on the house is I saw some ants. I not not a lot of ants.
Speaker 1:Not like creepy scary movie level of ants. I just saw an ant here, and I saw an ant over there, and I saw an ant over here, and I saw an ant over there, and I cannot, for the last of me, figure out where are they coming from. And so they just keep mocking me and teasing me and laughing at me, and I keep taking them back outside, and they keep coming back inside. But they aren't marching in a line nowhere. So how am I supposed to redirect their line if I can't even figure out where they're coming from?
Speaker 1:It's it's making me cuckoo. I don't I don't I don't even know what to do about these little buddies, but I named them I named them I named one Harry and one Ron, and I named one Armani, and I named one Neville. Because I listened to Harry Potter on the way when I had to drive for twenty two hours. When it was my terms for driving, if you have to drive for twenty two hours, then you'd be very glad you have DID and everybody just take turns driving. That's the way to do it.
Speaker 1:Take that peoples. I think we win that round. But then I got here, and I just sleep for two days. I was so tired. I was so tired.
Speaker 1:I just almost so tired. And then our work start right away, and I said, man, this is not even the fun I thought we was having. Nobody's hanging out with a smoker. I just nobody I everybody's just working. And I said, this this not as much fun as vacation, but it's real life.
Speaker 1:And we are trying to be healthy of real life, so I'm I'm trying to live real life, but it's better than a ski slope. At least I I have my I have I've got my little sleeping car. That's what I think about that. But it seems safe enough. I check all the windows, and I lock all the doors, and I got I've got smoke detectors.
Speaker 1:And here is the best news of all. Are you excited? The best news of all, it will shock you. It will be so happy. You will not even stand it.
Speaker 1:We have Internet. Yep. Real Internet, not satellite, not not mess up when it rains Internet. We have real live actual Internet. So if I if if if we wanna if we wanna say hello, community, we can say hello, community, because we can just get right on there.
Speaker 1:And it it's pretty easy peasy. That's that's some good news. Are you excited? Because there you go. I saw my friend Peter on the computer.
Speaker 1:I want to wave to him, but I was behave myself. But I know he's he's my friend. I told I told him all about all about our new we we we did tell him all about our new place, And we called the kids outside Children's, and we gave them a tour so they know we're safe and say it's okay. And, also, we show them on the map where the fires are, and we show them where we are so they know we're safe. And, also, we already have them a book on the weekends.
Speaker 1:And this last weekend, we read them the mixed up files of Frank miss Basile Frank Waller. And I said and and that book is about this brother and sister. They run away to hide at a museum, to run away from home. And I said, don't you people be getting any ideas from this book. And then I thought in my head, I think I already done this because I just ran away and hide in my car instead of a museum.
Speaker 1:I can make my car be like a museum. Here is my headlamp. Here is my pillow. Here are my curtains. That's why they're called I forgot the word.
Speaker 1:That's just silly. They're curtains and my camping chair, and and I have I have a tent, but I don't I don't need a tent when I'm in a garage. But for driving, twenty two hours, if you get tired of a nap, you you need a a tent. Or, also, if you go camping close to the fires or if you go camping for fun, like for a hike, then you need a tent. So I brought I brought that.
Speaker 1:It's here and ready for work sometimes. We have to go out there this weekend for some training. I'm not gonna do no training, but I'm gonna watch for camping snacks. They're pretty good camping snacks. I I I don't know because I won't be able to watch at the grocery store, but I can take some chicken broth.
Speaker 1:I can take something. I take an apple with me. I'm I'm I'm I'm not too nervous about it. Only a little nervous about it. Maybe a lot nervous about it, but a little nervous about it.
Speaker 1:But I know it's important to help people. And sometimes when you're helping people, you do hard things. Is part being a is part being a decent human? I don't mean unhealthy helping. I mean good choices helping.
Speaker 1:Where it's kind of part of adding. If you if you if you take if you take good care of someone, if you take good care of yourself, if you'd be a decent human being, then sometimes that's hard things, like taking turns or sharing or all of the same things we gotta teach the outside kids. My voice is cracking. Did you hear that? I'm growing up.
Speaker 1:And and if you are just if you are just, if you just want to make sure everyone is safe and all parts of everybody are happy and everybody has what they need. Then it's like taking turns and sharing, and sometimes you drive twenty two hours. You take turns driving. Sometimes the truth of it, if I think about all that, I think I hope we're getting it right this time. We got so wrong so many times.
Speaker 1:Everybody just upset with us or or they they are not as real as we thought, and I get confused, and I think, I'm a pretty wise guy. Why why am I getting it wrong? And they hurts my heart, and I spill my ice cream. And I go therapy, and I talk about some problems, and we move my eyes. Sometimes it's just hard, and sometimes there's so many hearts that makes me a little tired of it.
Speaker 1:But but also at the same time, I think, well, I learned a lot. I I have a lot of experiences, and I got enough sense not to get in a basket and ride a chain up the hill to the top of the mountain so I can fall back down it and crash into a tree. I don't need to do that with my body when I already done it on Atari. That's why I think about that. I guess that's all I got to say today.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for listening to us and for all of your support for the podcast, our books, and them being donated to survivors and the community. It means so much to us as we try to create something that's never been done before. Not like this. Connection brings healing.