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Breaking Up With Binge Eating is for anyone stuck in binge eating, emotional eating, or the restrict-then-binge cycle.
Hosts Georgie Fear, Christina Holland, and Maryclaire Brescia share practical, evidence-based tools from the Breaking Up With Binge Eating Coaching Program—grounded in nutritional science, behavior change psychology, and approaches like CBT and ACT—without the shame or perfectionism.
New here? Start with Episode 10: The 2 REAL Causes of Binge Eating.
Pick your Listening Path (where to start, by topic): https://breakingupwithbingeeating.transistor.fm/start-here-pick-your-listening-path
Is This Real Progress… or Am I Just Performing?
00:00:00 Georgie Fear: In a minute, you're going to hear a real coaching conversation that I think is going to land for a lot of you.
00:00:06 Georgie Fear: My client, Sarah, brought up something in one of our sessions, and I thought it would be so valuable that I hit the record button and asked her to ask me again.
00:00:14 Georgie Fear: because if you've ever had a stretch of good weeks less bingeing, less chaos, more steadiness, and instead of feeling relieved, you felt suspicious. Like, this doesn't count. I'm just performing. I'm going to mess it up any second. You aren't alone.
00:00:30 Georgie Fear: you'll hear in this conversation Sarah expressing that very fear.
00:00:35 Georgie Fear: Am I actually doing well or am I doing well because Georgie's watching? And what I love about this conversation is that it's not just me trying to talk her out of it with a pep talk. We actually slow down and we look at what's happening underneath the fraud story, how hard it can be to believe your own progress, how quickly our brains discount success, and how shame tries to keep the bar moving so we're never satisfied. You'll also hear something really important about accountability. That needing support does not mean you're faking recovery, or can't do it on your own. Support is allowed. External structure can be part of what makes real change stick, and over time it can become internal. So listen for the moment when I'm a cheat gets gently challenged not with pressure, but with looking for evidence, with compassion and a more realistic view of how behavior change actually happens.
00:01:36 Georgie Fear: If this feels familiar, I've got you. Let's listen.
00:02:04 Georgie: So say that one more time because you just asked a great question.
00:02:08 Sarah: Am I doing well or am I performing for Georgie?
00:02:11 Georgie: Right. Because you've had several weeks of no binges, no loss of control.
00:02:15 Sarah: Yes.
00:02:16 Georgie: How would we know if you were if you were faking it, how would we know?
00:02:20 Sarah: Uh, well, you would go.
00:02:22 Sarah: Away for a month, and then we'd see if I would, like, eat the house.
00:02:25 Sarah: Okay.
00:02:26 Sarah: I don't.
00:02:26 Sarah: Know.
00:02:26 Georgie: That's totally one way we could test it.
00:02:29 Sarah: I came up for a thousand reasons why the success was not real success. And I was able to back out of why that was a lie a few times. And I was like, it hasn't been stressful. It's like, this has been an easy autopilot month. That's like, not really. It was Christmas. He traveled to Florida. Mom had heart attacks. So not really your family in town. So I just felt the need to sit there and say why it was all fake success. And I was like, ah, this is why your weight like. Folded for a second. Because your weight is punishing you.
00:03:03 Georgie: Success because you're faking your success.
00:03:06 Sarah: Yes.
00:03:07 Georgie: Okay. Got it. Well, I would say that there is an element of faking if you're not truthful with me.
00:03:16 Sarah: And I am truthful with you. I know one hundred percent. Okay.
00:03:19 Georgie: Trust me, I can tell. Okay. If if somebody is, you know, telling me that they're not binging, but they are binging. Yes. There's definitely some deception there. and if that happens, it's not the end of the world. this is a difficult subject to talk about. So every now and then people are like, you know, I have not been truthful. And I'm like, I understand. Let's just set the record straight, retell me things that you need to tell me that may have not occurred in prior Conversations. I don't think you're faking it if you have actually not been binging. Yeah, you have been doing the work to fill in the tracker. I can look at your tracker. I see notes in there from every day. I can see you're checking off what we're working on. Um, it's okay to find the support helpful.
00:04:01 Sarah: Okay. It's okay when you put it like that.
00:04:06 Georgie: Like accountability. And having another human being in on the game is such a, uniformly good thing for the human experience. I mean, I'm a member of a sports team and having coaches and knowing the coaches are watching and having teammates and knowing that the teammates are cheering for me and hearing their voices and knowing that they're going to give me a hug at the finish line. All of these things help me push myself to a level of performance that I couldn't do if it was just me and the trees, right?
00:04:33 Sarah: Okay.
00:04:34 Georgie: So yeah, it's great to notice how much another person can help us succeed, not just in this, but in life in general. And it's totally okay to use the supports. It's also not all or nothing. So it's not you're doing it for me or you're doing it for you, and we have to figure out which one that is. Right? Because that's not how motivation works. You know, a lot of times you're like, well, I'm doing it for me. I'm doing it for my kids. I'm doing it for my partner. I'm doing it to impress this coach. Um, for people I've not even yet to meet, I'm doing it for them. Like, yeah, it can be all of these different things, you know, together we can blend that internal motivation with the external motivators.
00:05:14 Sarah: Okay.
00:05:15 Georgie: A lot of times when people start nutrition coaching, um, I am providing the largest bulk of the accountability. And then as people get some more practice with doing things like filling in the tracker, they're actually developing self accountability. So it starts to become more balanced where they're like, okay, you know, I'm seeing things in the tracker that I know I can iron out or I want to, you know, do better at. And I also know that because George is looking at this, it's it helps you have the accountability to yourself and to another person which is fine. You can have two layers. And then at some point all my clients to date have graduated. they are feeling secure to go with that internal accountability and maybe the accountability to other people in their lives too. Um, so it doesn't have to come from me. But yeah, accountability is a really important piece of behavior change and maintenance.
00:06:11 Sarah: Okay.
00:06:12 Georgie: What were your reasons to argue on the side of you're faking it and it doesn't count?
00:06:19 Sarah: Let's see. Um, I don't think it's really true, but I was like, you've been putting mental effort into this that, you won't on a sustained basis. You'll flip I guess I know I'm not faking it. It's just if I'm performing it. I'm, so motivated by doing what I'm told to do sometimes. You know what I mean? I want it to be like a really instinctual behavior change, and it feels like that, but, I can really trick myself. say, it was like just a different project. I could be working on a project in the one hundredth hour, and I could trick myself into being like, I'm so into this project that I'm not even tired and this is amazing. And I could probably do this for another eight days, right? And then all of a sudden, I, step out of that body and I look over and I'm like, you are hallucinating. That's not true. Do you know what I mean? I think it's too easy. And that's why I'm always in my head. Also going mind tricks. Why am I not hungry? Mind tricks. I have been bothered by this for so long and then it like, is not bothering me right now.
00:07:25 Georgie: Right. It's scary to believe it. Yes I bet.
00:07:28 Sarah: Yeah. So.
00:07:30 Georgie: Yeah.
00:07:31 Sarah: Um. Yeah.
00:07:33 Georgie: It's okay to enjoy it.
00:07:36 Sarah: Yeah.
00:07:36 Georgie: Not bothering you and it. Yeah. It doesn't mean that it can never bother you again, right? But it does mean that life is possible with it not bothering you.
00:07:47 Sarah: Right?
00:07:47 Georgie: Like you're getting a vacation from a condition that you've had for a very long time.
00:07:53 Sarah: Yeah.
00:07:53 Georgie: So that's pretty great. It's great to notice like that. This is possible. Um, and no guarantees about the future. Like, sometimes people feel like, well, now I have to maintain this, this level of perfection and non slippage. And it's like, no, there's no commitment here. Like you're doing well today. That's great. Let's enjoy that. Yeah let's enjoy that.
00:08:14 Sarah: for years it has plagued me like it's hard to believe that the answer was just kind of like a shift of mindset, which obviously that's all anything ever is, is a shift of mindset. Right. I don't know why I feel the need to discount it and like, think I'm a cheat, but for some reason I just, I always, I always imposter cheat syndrome at all times. Like, no matter what you tell me, I'll tell you I'm a cheat.
00:08:38 Georgie: Right. Well, I think, like a lot of us, grew up with some voice in our lives that was like, who do you think you are? Don't you dare get too big for your britches. Don't you get prideful? Yeah. So it was much safer to, continually cut ourselves down to, like, not commit that crime of, you know, being proud of ourselves. Yeah, but I think it's really worth being proud of yourself.
00:09:04 Sarah: Okay. All right.
00:09:05 Georgie: Because you've done the work. You've done the work. Like what? What what does it take to make these changes? It's showing up. What you've done. It's working hard. It's being honest. What you've done. It's being open. You know, you've given me so much to work with. Like, I I love that you write notes and send me emails and, um, that's all how people get through this. So you're doing you're doing it right. You're doing it right. Yeah.
00:09:31 Sarah: Maybe that's part of it, too. Maybe it's just because I just let the cat out of the bag, and now I don't have to, like, fight it in the bag, if that makes sense. Do you know what I mean?
00:09:39 Georgie: Like, totally.
00:09:40 Sarah: Um. So that's. That's good.
00:09:45 Georgie: also when you mentioned if you have been fooling yourself into. Oh, I can work on this project for eight more days. I need to neither eat nor sleep. Um, eventually reality corrects you.
00:09:56 Sarah: Yeah, I guess that's the thing too, there there have been enough little tests along the way. It's not like I could Avoid the whole world for the last two or three months straight or whatever. Do you know what I mean?
00:10:08 Georgie: Yeah.
00:10:08 Sarah: I have interacted with the world. I have gone out into the world. It has been okay. You know.
00:10:13 Georgie: You have gotten through Christmas and New Year's and traveling the busiest time of the year, work wise.
00:10:22 Sarah: Yeah.
00:10:22 Georgie: Family?
00:10:23 Sarah: Yeah.
00:10:24 Georgie: Get away with girlfriends.
00:10:26 Sarah: Yeah.
00:10:27 Georgie: And, you know, you've sort of kicked the tires of this recovery thing, and it's holding up. So, yeah, it's pretty good. I mean, sometimes people do, have three good days and they're like, I'm cured. And that's really premature.
00:10:41 Sarah: Yeah.
00:10:42 Georgie: But when you're stacking up weeks to months, it's like, oh, no, this is this is real change. Awesome.
00:10:48 Sarah: Yeah. Yeah, I think I wrote in here I had an angry piece of toast this week. That was it.
00:10:53 Georgie: Could you imagine, like, sending that as a postcard, like back in time to you from, a year ago?
00:10:58 Sarah: I was so mad, and I was like.
00:11:00 Georgie: And then what'd you do?
00:11:00 Sarah: Um. Uh, what did I do? Afterwards, I just went downstairs, went back to work.
00:11:04 Georgie: Sounds great. Hey, you are doing a fantastic job.
00:11:08 Sarah: Liar and a cheat and a scoundrel.
00:11:09 Georgie: You are not any of those things. You're doing it like you can't argue that you're doing it. That's like people who are like, oh, I can't run a marathon. And you're like, you have. You have the medal on your wall. Like, what do you mean?
00:11:20 Sarah: Like you're.
00:11:21 Georgie: Doing it. You can't argue that you can't do something or that you're not doing something. When I'm actively watching you do it.
00:11:26 Sarah: I know.
00:11:27 Georgie: So it's okay. It's okay if the support helps and it's okay if you make mistakes and don't do it perfectly, you're improving and that's awesome.
00:11:36 Sarah: Yeah. Well thank you. Great.
00:11:37 Georgie: All right. I will see you next week.
00:11:39 Sarah: Have a good week okay. Have a good one.
00:11:40 Sarah: Goodbye.
00:11:41 Sarah: Bye.