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Everybody has a story to tell. They have a past, a present, and a future. They have significant elements to their story that shapes them into who they are today. Telling that story, however, isn't always easy. Sometimes those elements include trauma or suppressed memories. Even so, your testimony is a powerful tool. Through it, healing can come to others who have gone through similar experiences; especially if you have already received that healing. This week, Kevin Harris from Radical Mentoring joins Zach to talk through the power of owning your story and how it can be leveraged in both a one on one mentoring setting as well as a group mentoring setting.
Connect with Kevin:
kevin@radicalmentoring.com
(770) 710-7596
Learn More about Radical Mentoring
https://radicalmentoring.com/
Purchase John's Book:
Mephibosheth! The Search for Identity, Purpose, and Community
Connect with Kevin:
kevin@radicalmentoring.com
(770) 710-7596
Learn More about Radical Mentoring
https://radicalmentoring.com/
Purchase John's Book:
Mephibosheth! The Search for Identity, Purpose, and Community
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. Learn more at you can mentor.com or follow us on social media. You can mentor. Our main man, mister John Bernard has released a book entitled Mephibosheth,
Speaker 2:The
Speaker 1:Search for Identity, Purpose and Community. It's an amazing book and I know it will encourage you and your fellow mentors. While you're at it, pick up my book, You Can Mentor, How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission and Break Generational Curses. You can find both of these resources on Amazon or on our website. Lastly, follow us on social media.
Speaker 1:Listen to the podcast and share everything you find valuable with your mentoring friends. We're here for you, and we wanna add value in whatever way we can. Thank you so much. You can mentor. We here at You Can Mentor are toying around with the idea of having a mentoring gathering or conference where mentoring leaders can come, get encouraged and equipped as they lead their ministries.
Speaker 1:Our goal in this is to create a safe and fun environment where mentors can share stories of struggles and successes while bonding together with their mentoring team and other mentoring leaders all across the country. If you lead a team of mentors and are interested in learning more about this gathering, please reach out to us. We'd love to pick your brain on how to create a gathering that best serves you and your team. Since this is our 1st year doing it, we want as much input as possible to create the best experience as possible. Thanks.
Speaker 1:You can mentor. Mentoring leaders, are you looking for a place to discuss important mentoring issues with other people who are passionate about mentoring? If so, let me introduce You Can Mentored Learning Labs, a monthly call with other mentoring leaders to support each other as we lead mentoring organizations and other mentors. Each call will focus on a topic and allow you to share as well as hear from others on the struggles and successes they have had regarding this specific topic. To sign up, please reach out to zachgarza@zach@youcanmentor.com or find us on social media.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Remember, you can mentor.
Speaker 3:Welcome to the You Can Mentor podcast. My name is Zach, and I am here with my friend, Kevin Harris. Kevin, say hi.
Speaker 2:Zach, hi. How are you? And how's everybody who's might be listening to this at some point in the future?
Speaker 3:My Oh, really?
Speaker 2:Live radio, like, a live radio thing or something. But just a quick second. You got the mic. You got the DJ look going.
Speaker 3:I mean, I always said if I was gonna be something other than what I am today, it would be some kind of DJ. I mean, I can spin those records, man.
Speaker 2:I can hear it, and I can see that the the fingers moving. I mean, that's there could be something. You can mentor and you can DJ. Oh. And you can mentor DJs.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Very niche very niche market. Very niche.
Speaker 3:This is the shortest podcast ever because I've got everything that I need. Looks like we're out of here.
Speaker 2:I know so much. Thanks for listening, everybody. Welcome to the Zach and Kevin Show.
Speaker 3:Oh, it's great. It's great, man. I love it. So Kevin runs an organization called Radical Mentoring, which I'm not the smartest cat in the world, but I'm pretty sure it's mentoring, and they do some pretty radical stuff. So old man joke right there.
Speaker 3:Audience, sorry about that.
Speaker 2:Bad. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm not even gonna have
Speaker 2:that one.
Speaker 3:You know, sometimes you just gotta go for it. Sometimes you just gotta shoot your shot.
Speaker 2:And sometimes you shouldn't. And that may have been an example of one you wasted.
Speaker 3:100%. 100%. Well, Kevin, why don't you tell us about yourself, background, family, all of the good stuff?
Speaker 2:I love it. So, yeah, I'm living in Atlanta, Georgia. Been married for 23 years last Saturday, which was September 23rd. So 23 years on 23rd 2023. So which tells you I also might not be the smartest guy in the world, but getting married in the year 2000 always keeps me honest on anniversary dates.
Speaker 2:I've got 2 boys. 1 of them is 17, and one is 14. So we've we're in the midst of pre college planning and teenage boy drama, which I know people think girls are more dramatic than boys. I don't know. I mean, you also got some experience with teenagers.
Speaker 2:You get it? It's drama, no matter who you are. Oh, yeah. So and I get to run I run this organization called Radical Mentoring, which I've been doing now for the last 8 years. And so, you know, we our our heart, really similar to yours, Zach, is we just believe that you got us, you know, you got a story, and your story can make an impact on somebody that's a generation behind you.
Speaker 2:And your story has value and worth, and God's in the middle of it. And there's just a there's just a uniqueness in each one of us. As I tell people oftentimes, you know, people can argue with your theology and your belief system, but they can't argue with your story. And so we just get to partner with a lot of churches and a lot of different places, helping men and women understand that they are fully equipped to mentor a generation or somebody's season of life behind them if they're willing and available and humble enough to do it. So that's what we get to do every day, and I get to do every day.
Speaker 3:That's awesome. Yeah. There's so much power in your story, which is actually what we are I mean, that's our focus for today is the power of owning your own story. And I'm a big fan of this. So much power in our testimony.
Speaker 3:Right? And I mean, for for lots of us, I mean, what else do we have besides our story?
Speaker 2:You got it.
Speaker 3:And so before we get into that and before we talk about what you do on a day to day basis, I would just love to hear just kinda how how you got into mentoring and Yeah. Yeah. All of that stuff.
Speaker 2:So I'll give you the I'll give you the medium sized version. You know, I was a sophomore in high school in North Carolina, you know, normal family, normal life, until one day in March, I went to bed, woke up at about 11 o'clock. My mom said, Kevin, dad's been in a car accident. We've gotta go to the hospital. And so like every normal kid, you're driving your butt out of bed.
Speaker 2:You get in the car. You drive to the hospital. And walking into the doors of the the emergency room at Duke Hospital, I was we were met by the chaplain. And at that age, I was smart enough to know that you could probably see 1 of 2 people. You could see the doctor.
Speaker 2:You could see the chaplain. The doctor would mean things aren't great, but there's there's hope there's healing that could happen. The chaplain would mean probably the the scenario you don't want, which is my dad passed away tragically that night. So I tell you all that as background to say, you know, is this something where high school, you know, you think you know everything, and your parents aren't as smart as they think they are. And so I didn't have a I mean, I had a great relationship with my dad, but at the time, you know, you're just not super connected.
Speaker 2:And so I was a believer, came to know the Lord on a Baptist mission trip. So it wasn't like I was without faith, but I wasn't with a solid faith. And so I sort of went on this long journey of trying to navigate the tension of, you know, I know God loves me, I know God's got a plan, but if God has a plan, how do you do this thing where you take your dad away? And I just had some really, really bad theology that started to just impact my behavior, my attitude, my decision making, my choices, as it probably would any anybody who's in that situation. And so I went to school at a school in Greenville, South Carolina from university, met, you know, met some great people there.
Speaker 2:That's where I met my future wife. Things I mean, you know, I really had a fairly, on the surface level, a pretty normal story. I could you could drop me in most environments, and I could answer enough questions about church or faith where I could just kind of navigate and hide my way through things. But on the inside, I was just a mess. And I carried that with me from high school through college, into my early years of my marriage.
Speaker 2:And in 2002, I was introduced to a guy by the name of Reggie Campbell. Reggie was a guy that, you know, I didn't know. I was a friend of mine I went to college with who said, Hey, I'm thinking about doing mentoring group. What do you think about doing it? Well, newly married, new Atlanta, I'm thinking mentoring is relationships, networking.
Speaker 2:I was sort of thinking about it through a very worldly lens until I met Reggie. And Reggie was just a guy who he he was the 1st real godly man who listened to my story, understood my story, but wasn't willing to just let me sit and continue to operate in that kind of negative, bad theology place I've been in. He was the 1st guy that looked at me and said, look, Kevin. You you got two choices. You can live the rest of your life loving God but questioning God, which is just only gonna get you to a certain place.
Speaker 2:Or you can embrace the unknown, love God, step into that, In a way, forgive God for what, in your mind, He did to you, and just try to kind of take a step day by day and really begin to fully understand and embrace who God is, who God says you are, and and really sort of embrace that your identity in Christ and start to step into that. And so that was my mentoring group experience. At the time, it was Reggie was just a guy who wanted to pull some guys together and, you know, before anything was, quote unquote, in ministry. And but he just was the first guy that said, Hey, you you can't continue to operate the way you're operating. And so, you know, fast forward I'm really bad at math.
Speaker 2:So 2,002 to almost 9 8, 9 years later after that experience with Reggie, he and I just stayed really close. And he said to me one day after I had been sort of bouncing around in a business career, he just said, Hey, would you ever have an interest in joining me and trying to sort of figure out what this mentoring thing could look like? And, you know, at that point, he had kind of grown from himself to 4 or 5 guys in Atlanta were doing what he was doing, and 4 or 5 churches in Atlanta were doing what he was doing. And it started to kind of get some legs, and God answered a prayer, which for me was, I I had prayed selfishly when I first met Reggie that he would be sort of an exit strategy. He'd be a guy that would buy business, would need a sales and marketing guy, would hire me and do that.
Speaker 2:And that's not exactly the way God had drew it up, But I got to spend 5 of my 8 years here working side by side with Reggie. He passed away 3 years ago, but that's how I got into it. It's the thing that changed me the most was having somebody speak the truth and love and not not let me continue to operate in the space I was operating in. And Reg was the 1st guy that did that. And so he had all the credibility in the world and God dropped him in my life and time when I needed the most.
Speaker 2:And when he asked if I'd be willing to help him out, it was it was it's been amazing. So I believe that answered your question.
Speaker 3:It's perfect. Love it.
Speaker 2:Oh, good.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So I have a couple questions about this guy, Reggie.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So can you just kinda describe his personality? Describe what I would feel whenever I walked into the room? Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's a great question. Reggie was the way I described him, he was all in. He was a successful entrepreneurial business guy that just, you know, when he committed to something, he was going to just give him give every bit of himself to it, which was a fault, which is part of the story. You know, for early part of his career, that was the thing he gave himself to, was fully to his career at, you know, sacrificing his family on the altar of his work. And then Jesus got a hold of him.
Speaker 2:And when Jesus got a hold of him, Reggie just, you know, was like, okay. Then that's, you know, it's me and you, God, from this day forward, and I'm gonna commit myself to loving and serving you, and loving and serving my family in a way that honors you. And so, you know, we all we all know guys like that. Guys that you just sort of look at, and they they kind of just there's something about them that makes you want to be in there, you know, in the in the room with them. And he was a guy that was entrepreneurial, successful, had kind of redeemed his family.
Speaker 2:And so a lot of these young guys would wanna get together with him. And so he was having coffee at every Waffle House and every Starbucks all around Atlanta. And he heard a guy say, a guy named Tim Elmore. You probably know Tim with some of your work if you've ever read his his resources. But Tim said to Reggie and others at one point, he said, more time with fewer people is a greater kingdom impact.
Speaker 2:More time with fewer people is a greater kingdom impact. And so all of a sudden, Reggie started saying no to the individual coffee meetings and just inviting a small group of guys into his home. And so he would invite 8 people in. He'd pull books off his bookshelf, memorize scripture, do homework assignments, and he just started to say, hey, I'm gonna give 8 guys every bit of me for a year. So Zach calls and says, Reggie, can we have coffee?
Speaker 2:And Reggie says, no. Sorry, Zach. I can't. I've got 8 guys I'm entering right now, but I'm gonna put you on the list for when I do another group the following year. And he just started saying no to it a lot and and just and started doing invite guys in.
Speaker 2:And that's was sort of his big thing was, my life hadn't been perfect. I'm not gonna hide any of that from you. I want you to see and know and experience the places where I have messed up in the past, where my priorities got out of whack, where, you know, I needed God's help, where God showed up. And I want to tell you the things that I did yesterday and things that happened this morning where I screwed up and God needed to redeem me. And he just was wide open, and he just started to give us as younger guys, you know, just full access to ask him anything to be in relationship with him.
Speaker 2:And but that that's what you'd ex you'd experience. You'd walk in the room and you just would go, this guy is different. And he's not he's not wasted a bunch of time with I mean, not to say he wasn't gonna spend a lot of time with niceties and make you feel good. He just wanted to kind of strip away, you know, he created space for us all to share our stories, which is, you know, when you start to get gut level honest with somebody else, relationally, it accelerates. And so 22 of those guys are on the board of Radical Mentoring, and I was in a group with in 2002.
Speaker 2:Every one of those guys who supported Radical has led groups, and that's just sort of the legacy that that Reggie sort of left. It was about 170 guys in Atlanta that he just poured himself into. You know, every year, he'd grab another group of 8 and just keep going. So special special guy on purpose.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And, he has a book. Right?
Speaker 2:He has a book. He wrote 4 books. Mentor Like Jesus is sort of the framework that we follow and the kind of the prescriptive, if you will, content model that we we get, we equip our mentors with. He wrote a book called About My Father Business, which was just how do you sort of operate in the marketplace as a as a Christian. He wrote a book called What Radical Husbands Do, which is sort of his his view on marriage.
Speaker 2:It's, you know, it's not your typical kind of tried and true Christian fluffy book on marriage. It's kind of wrong and real. And then he wrote a devotional called Radical Wisdom, which has got Reggie was a pretty prolific writer on top of the 4 books. He would for a series of years, he was writing anywhere between 3 6 different blog posts a week, and so we've captured all of those into 1 one devotional with with enough content on with to do another one. So
Speaker 3:Yeah. That's awesome. Is so was he more of a put your arm kinda around a dude, hey, man. Everything's gonna be okay. Or was he more of a finger in your chest kinda dude, or was it kinda both?
Speaker 2:He was grace and truth. That's great. He was, you know, he was not I mean, like, I'm a great example in that he just wasn't going to say, hey, Kevin. It's okay. Your dad died.
Speaker 2:It's okay. Or, you know, your marriage is in a rough spot. It's okay. It was, here's where you're wrong. Here's what I see that, you know, can be different.
Speaker 2:Here's where I've screwed up in the past. And I think there's some relevance in my story and your story. Ellen, by the way, I love you. And, you know, you're gonna get through this. I don't know what it's going to look like.
Speaker 2:It may be kind of messy, but you're going to get through it. So it was that beautiful tension of grace and truth that I think we all need, you know, especially in the Christian space. Man, it's easy to be nice. You know, you just don't want to ruffle anybody's feathers, call anybody out on anything. And I don't think that's biblical.
Speaker 2:I think sometimes you got to have somebody put the finger in their chest, and then after they put the finger in their chest, the velvet hammer, then, you know, wrap their arms around it and say, but I got you, and we're gonna we'll walk through it together. And he just created that really, really safe space for myself and about 170 other guys around Atlanta.
Speaker 3:That's awesome. So Radical Mentoring, it says it's a mentoring process that equips men to develop authentic relationships and overcome the issues holding them back from living life to the full. And I absolutely love that. And just from kinda hearing your story, you went through that year long, you know, year long discipleship small group.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3:But then you also had kind of that 1 on 1 piece. Right?
Speaker 2:You got it. Yeah.
Speaker 3:So can you just kinda share with me because I'm a big believer, and I used to believe that 1 on 1 was the only way. But as I've gotten older, I I see that both are extremely effective. Yeah. So can you just kinda share with me your take on how you view 1 on 1 mentoring versus small group mentoring?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I'm obviously gonna say I'm a fan of small group mentoring. But I think you're right in that, you know, the part of the challenge with 1 on 1 mentoring oftentimes is it's like, you know, an arranged marriage. I've been assigned to Zach as my mentor, and Zach doesn't really know what I want to talk to him about. And I don't really know what Zach wants to talk to me about, but we're going to show up at this Starbucks, and we're going to sit down.
Speaker 2:And, you know, maybe the first time we get to know each other, and there'll be sort of this, hey, let's do this again. And then oftentimes, it can either fizzle and fade because there's not really enough process and content to it, Or it can become, not necessarily in a bad way, it can become like really, really structured. And where there is less room and flexibility for story and emotion and real life to kind of unfold, it sort of becomes a really detailed process. None of which, by the way, are are there's a season where that may be absolutely the best thing. But what we've landed on with the group mentoring model is that there's something powerful that happens when you begin to realize that, you know, the the mentors there facilitate a conversation.
Speaker 2:You've got 6, 7 other guys that are sharing their stories. There's a lot of mentoring that happens. Even though you and I might be in the same season of life, there's gonna be parts of your story where you might be 5 minutes ahead of me in life versus Reggie being 5 years ahead of me in life, that there's incredible value where you can go in a group setting, Hey, Kevin. I've heard you share your story, number 1, because you've given permission for me to speak into it. Here's some things I see in you that even you got like a Reggie mine I have.
Speaker 2:So that group perspective is really, really helpful. And then in that, you know, there's gonna be 1 on ones. There's 1 on ones with other guys in the group. There'll be some 1 on ones with a mentor, where there is that opportunity where I've heard your story and I can say, you know, you said this thing about your dad and that story that I just want to ask you a little bit more about that I didn't want to do in front of the group. Or you can you know, we can just have deeper conversations because we've been we've created that group space that's been safe enough for me to share my story, safe enough for me to be known.
Speaker 2:And then that 1 on 1 space sort of just grows out of that. And so I think it's a beautiful dance of the 2 that we're trying to help create. And then, you know, the small group model, you know, in a typical church environment, you know, small groups serve a tremendous purpose, but a lot of times it is community and social a little bit more than it is sort of a depth and teaching space. And so even when we begin to work with the church, we always say, like, we're not replacing your small group model. You need to have community groups, and you need to have men in married groups, and men in groups with men.
Speaker 2:But this is going to be a space where, you know, you come to every meeting. You know, our model is you're reading a book in between the sessions, you're memorizing scripture, you're doing some practical assignments. We want this to be sort of the next level of commitment. And so what happens is men that are in a or women in a mentoring group, they're still in their small groups, and then all of a sudden they're elevating the game of the small groups because they don't want to sit around in a space that's sort of shallow and superficial. They want to just really kind of they've experienced that authenticity of the community, and so they really start to put some aggressive community pressure for that group to really begin to look and operate at a deeper level.
Speaker 2:That's a
Speaker 3:great answer. There's a there there is so much to chew on there. And and what I love about mentoring is there are some, like, hey. This is probably a good idea every time, but so much of it is just what the holy spirit is leading you to do. And so that's why it's so important for us as mentors.
Speaker 3:We have to be in line with what the lord's doing because if we're trying to mentor out of our own stuff, man, it Yeah. It is just not as effective.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And if you're trying to mentor for eternal gain and, you know, extra stars on your in your crown, it's it's not, you know, it it there is I'm not gonna say there's no reward, but there's really not, you know you are real you're doing this out of out of honor for God of what he's done in your own lives, and your burden and desire to keep the generation behind for making the same mistakes. It's not you're not there to teach for 3 hours about everything you know. I mean, we're, you know, we're guys. It's like, I don't I don't have time to wanna sit and have somebody tell me everything they know about marriage for the next 3 hours because that may be the only shock because I'm probably not coming back the next time.
Speaker 2:So it's that beautiful dance of facilitation and just trying to create some space for guys to, you know, be freed up. One of my favorite pastors is, Matt Chandler. And he says, If you're 99% known, you're still unknown. And so, you know, how are you creating space for that last 1% to be brought out in the open, to walk in the light of that? That's really what we're trying to do is exactly that, creating those spaces.
Speaker 3:So speaking of creating spaces, I I kinda wanna get to the power of owning your own story. But before we do that, Kevin, I I'm a big believer in environment is a really big deal. And how how you show, without words, that it's a safe place to share, that they're not gonna be judged, they're not gonna be made fun of. How how do y'all go about creating that safe environment?
Speaker 2:Yeah. A couple of things that we do that we we sort of encourage mentors to do. 1 is we always encourage you to meet in their home. You know, sit around the dining room table, sit on the back porch, you know, whatever sort of space that is that, you know, is just a comfortable, hospitable environment where it just feels different than, you know, most of the time in in the church world. It's, you know, we're gonna meet in room 101 on Sunday morning.
Speaker 2:And, you know, there's nothing wrong with room 101, but, you know, there's a reason why AA meetings and other things always took place in the basements of churches because it felt at least a level safer to be sort of away from some of the formalities. So but the one is the space. You know, that idea of, hey, meet my own. I've led 4 groups, and there are nights when my guys would show up and my kids are throwing food at each other, or they're in the, you know, they're in the front yard, the boys are, and I look out and all of a sudden 3 of the guys that I'm mentoring are playing catch with my kids. And they're just sort of in in my environment.
Speaker 2:And as you know, you can't hide in that space, you know. You can it just it just is what it is. And as much as your wife wants to be prepared for 6 or 7 guys coming over, it's just gonna be it's just home. And that's just the reality of it. And second thing is we are the mentor always goes first.
Speaker 2:And, you know, the the key thing for us is in our groups is the mentor shares their story first. And as as I as I communicate and coach and instruct others, it's like, I'm not telling you to, you know, get I want you to tell the Sunday morning version of your story That just is this cute little buttoned up, you know, the little picture on the side of the table. Everybody's all dressed and smiling and happy. I'm also not telling you to share the Saturday night version of your story, which gets embellished by a few degrees just to keep the, you know, keep the guys engaged. But tell the story of of where God has shown up, where God has redeemed, where God continues to show up, where you continue to mess up.
Speaker 2:Just really get gut level honest with these guys, these younger guys, about your story. And what happens is as soon as that mentor goes, then the 6 guys will go, Okay, this is going to be this is a different space. This is a different environment. And then you give them the ability and the space to start sharing their own stories. And all of a sudden, if I'm in my story talking about my struggle with pornography or alcohol or anger or whatever, all of a sudden, there's going to be at least another guy in that group that you may not know extremely well, but who's going to look and go, Okay.
Speaker 2:Safe. I thought I was the only guy in this room that was dealing with fill in the blank. And now I know I got at least another guy in here that's dealing with it. And as those stories start to unfold, you just start to realize the incredible mess that so many of us find ourselves in. We just haven't had a space to step into.
Speaker 2:And so it just it just sort of lowers everybody's guard and then accelerates the relationships. If I've heard it once, Zach, I've heard it a 100 times that, you know, these guys who I'm meeting with once a month for 3 hours, and I've met with them twice, know more about me than the guys I've met with for the last 10 years at my men's breakfast. And there's just something about those environments that that I think God just shows up and God desires for us to be deeply, relationally connected with him and with others. And I think it sort of happens in that space.
Speaker 3:As I hear your story, I'm thinking about a few things. 1, it is not good for men to be alone. And what a great opportunity to truly find what you're looking for in relationship. The second thing is God is a God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. And I think about that whenever I hear what what is going on in these homes is there's an older Abraham and you're surrounded by a bunch of Isaacs, and the call is, hey.
Speaker 3:Go find some Jacobs.
Speaker 2:Got it.
Speaker 3:And, you know, authenticity creates authenticity. And I was talking to one of my buddies about this today, as a matter of fact. You know, I I'm a big fan of this guy in the bible, this guy named David. And David is a man good. Good.
Speaker 3:He is a man after god's own heart. Right? But he's such a screw up. Like, man, this guy is just he's just a hot mess. And we were talking about why why is David a man after god's own heart?
Speaker 3:And perhaps the reason is because he is one of the only guys who was willing to get gut level honest with God. And, I mean, you take a look at these Psalms, and I'm like, this guy is I mean, he is dramatic and he is over the top and he sounds crazy, but for some reason, god loves it. Yeah. So that's good stuff. I I love that I love that y'all encouraged to meet in the homes.
Speaker 3:That's there's there's something that happens there. And then and then, yeah, just whenever the older person goes first, who, might I add, most people are looking up to, that creates you know, that gives people permission. That gives people courage to follow in their footsteps. So
Speaker 2:You got it. Yeah. You got it.
Speaker 3:Okay. So let's talk about owning your own story. Kinda like I said, there's so much power in sharing your testimony. Like, god, he just does something whenever you talk about what he's done in your life. Right.
Speaker 3:And so so yeah. So I would just I would just be open to hearing about that from from your perspective. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, so I think if you sort of if you look at most men who share their stories, there's kind of 3 things that I think will over time start to bubble up, whether you're just getting them or you've been unpacked oftentimes inside these groups is we're all trying to understand who God is. And we're and for so many of us, you know, our view of God is limited by the view of our own fathers. And so whether we had a dad who was an absent dad and we didn't see him, that my dad's story was, you know, I mean as I've told my kids recently, especially my junior, I'm like, Buddy, I'm now parenting in an unknown area. You're now older than I was when my dad died. So I don't really know necessarily what I'm doing.
Speaker 2:I just didn't have a I didn't have a great relationship probably because I didn't want one because I was a teenage boy. So there was a little bit of that, you know. And if your dad's perfect, you know, and he's done everything right, there's still an incredible amount of pressure that you start to put on yourself. And so I think as guys are trying to answer that question, who God is, and trying to understand how to get the right view of God. And so, you're gonna bump into that in story.
Speaker 2:You're gonna bump into most guys have a big identity issue. They have a hard time seeing themselves as God sees them because they're in an environment where, you know, performance is key, what car you drive, what clothes you wear, you know, how attractive is your wife, what vacations did you go on, what, you know, what all star teams are your kids on, all the things. We're chasing that. We're trying to get our satisfaction from these other places, and we just have a hard time seeing ourselves as beloved sons of the risen King. We view ourselves in light of sin, we don't see ourselves as saints who occasionally sin, we identify ourselves as sinners as it talks about the cure.
Speaker 2:We just butt into those issues of, Who is God? How does God see me? And then that third issue is, Does anybody care? Does anybody around me have a desire to want to get to know me, to get to know my story, or am I going to kind of push myself, perform my way into isolation and not allow others to be in community with me and really rob them of the uniqueness of our own stories if we try to isolate ourselves. And so I just have gotten to a place where my story is not perfect.
Speaker 2:I'm still trying to figure it out, but I just don't I just don't want to live in that sort of shallow unknown space anymore. I think the only way you let somebody in is if you pay attention to them, you hear what they're saying, and maybe you offer a part of your story up as a way to just engage them in a deeper way, and have somebody go, that's different. I wonder why Zach just said that. Let's talk about this thing that Zach brought up in his in this conversation with us. And so I think that's really what we end up wrestling with more often than not, whether it's in your story or just in the flow of these groups is, you know, what's my view of God?
Speaker 2:How does God see me? And can I fully embrace that? And then am I going to put myself in a community that cares enough about me to not let me just continue to sit? And it takes takes some confidence to be able to share to share some of those parts of your story. It takes some humility to do that, but I think that's just the life that God's called us to.
Speaker 2:I think God hadn't called us to show up in our past tales on Sunday and look the part. I think God God genuinely, as you said just a few minutes ago, the whole issue is, you know, for many of us was, you know, we want to do it by ourselves. And it's not good for man to be alone. It's not good to be isolated from others because it just it's you know, the idle mind is is the devil's playground. And he he just when I'm isolated and alone, that's when that's when the spiritual warfare happens at a at a pretty rapid rate for me.
Speaker 2:And so I just think putting ourselves in those areas where we can be known is really, really important, and it starts with story.
Speaker 3:So can you just kinda share with me? I I am kinda trying to key in on this, does anyone care?
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And I heard you say, you know, it's important to pay attention. It's important to listen. But do you have any more ways that you can show people that you truly care about them?
Speaker 2:Yeah. You know, I think it is like anything, we've got to be hyper intentional. And if that means, you know, you're doing the simple looking at your calendar beginning of every day and just praying your way through the people that God's getting in front of you, whether it's by appointment or whether it's praying about whoever God's going to put in, you know, in front of your two eyes during the day, whether it's being really intentional about, I've got 5 people I gotta send the text message to this week, or 3 people I need to call this week. And not just, you know, hoping those things happen, you know, I think off especially as I look at my wife, and she just leaves nothing to chance with her friends. She's thinking about them, she's calling them, she's texting them.
Speaker 2:She's calling them before she texts them to tell them she's going to text them. I mean, it's just she is not she's rabid. I think most women are this way about their friendships. They're deep, and they're committed. And I think oftentimes, guys, we will put ourselves in the corner and go, Well, if Zack's not texting me, then I'm not texting Zack.
Speaker 2:And all of a sudden, you find yourself going I mean, I just think about my own life. So prior to Radical Mentoring, I was in I was in a sales position. I was traveling every week. And I was on an airplane in a rental car. And what began to happen, it was the worst career move I could have had.
Speaker 2:And I spared some of the gory details, but I ended up basically just putting my commit not committing myself to being diagnosed with clinical depression. And I just believe what happened in that world was I had just put myself out of community. And Then I would get to a place where it's like, You know, I'm tired, but I'm not going to call so and so. Because they're going to wonder why in the world Kevin's calling. And I just kept pushing myself further and further away from other people to a point where I just became a shell of myself because I was off purpose.
Speaker 2:I was unknown. I was unknown in many ways to my own life, and it just got me to a place where I was isolated, depressed, and alone. And that was just, you know, that was a really unhealthy place. And it wasn't like I didn't have friends, or it wasn't like I just pushed myself away from that community in a way that was really, really damaging to my soul. And that's just not a good that's that's not a not a good place to be.
Speaker 2:And so it takes some commitment to be able to connect and keep friendships and establish them. And but somebody has to do it. And I'd rather I be the guy that does it versus we all just sit around hoping that somebody's gonna reach out one day. So
Speaker 3:Yeah. So, Kevin, so so as as let's say I came up to you and I was like, hey, man. I think I wanna start to mentor. Tell me just some some of the things that that you would share with me.
Speaker 2:I'd say call Zach. Zach is the guy for you to talk to. No. I mean, I think I would say, you know, just the basic conversation around, you know, why do you wanna do this? And it's typically not going to be, you know, because you know if the lead is because I know a lot about this thing, and I just it's not really that.
Speaker 2:It's just a desire. You know, it's got to burden you with the things that you need to be paying attention to. And if, you know, like in our case, if you're burdened by what's going on in the generation behind you, whether it's in you know, marriages or at you know, Reggie loved mentoring younger guys that what he would call kind of heat seeking business guys. And he didn't do that because he wanted to be surrounded by, you know, seeing the next best companies come out of Atlanta. He did it because his life got screwed up when he was a heat seeking business guy.
Speaker 2:And so he's looking back at those guys going, I just have a huge burden for those, that that profile of a guy. So I think it's just paying attention to why do you want to do it, what what's your story, and and what part of your story are you feel like is calling you to want to lead into the next generation. And then it's then who do you know? You know, I think there's a lot of guys who would say, man, I'd love to mentor. But then you ask them if they know 6 to 8 younger guys a generation behind them, and they're like, nope.
Speaker 2:I don't have any idea who one of those younger guys there are. I only call them if my phone is broken or, you know, I'm not talking to those young young kids. But I'm you're you're sort of limiting yourself then if you're not willing to sort of see the burden and then reach into it, and have that group of people. And then it's like, go slow. You know, it's not a this is not a quick return ministry model where, you know, you raise your hand and all of a sudden 6 guys show up and and it just all starts to happen.
Speaker 2:It might take you a little while to go, you know, I'm gonna notice the Kevin's and the Zack's of the world, and I'm just gonna start to slowly ask them. But I'll say, hey, God's put a burden on my heart to really mentor a group of younger guys, and I'd love to keep you in mind. And you have to do that enough times, and then all of a sudden, you get a group started, and then you then you just kinda start to do it.
Speaker 3:What I love about your story in particular is what Reggie did was he went out on a limb, and he just he just asked you a couple questions. And this isn't to say anything, you know, anything negative about you, but he obviously was doing his own thing in his own mind, and he was just asking a bunch of dudes. But God was doing something in your heart that he probably didn't know the half of. And so what I love about and what I'm trying to gain confidence in as a mentor is what does it look like to truly challenge, and what does it look like to truly go out on a limb and say, hey, man. Look.
Speaker 3:I'm trying to do this thing, and I know that you have a job. I know that you are trying to make money. I know on the surface, it looks like you're trying to do these 5 things. But I'm just gonna toss this seed and just see what happens.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's right.
Speaker 3:And so often, the thing that you're terrified to challenge them with, the thing that you're terrified to ask them is really the thing that they are hoping that you do ask them.
Speaker 2:You got it. Yeah. That's I mean, we said that to mentors all the time is that, you know, there are parts of your story that you have just gotten numb to that feel so ordinary that you don't think there's anything that God can do anything in that little part of your story. Yet, there's a group of guys who that one thing is the most attractive thing that they would love to hear from you. And you're robbing God of the chance of using you and putting you in spaces where you can really leverage all of who you are and all of your story and pull a group of younger guys in and change their lives.
Speaker 2:I mean, I love this statistic. We we asked a group of our long term mentors who have led over groups of over 5 years. So when we added up all the mentees that represented out of that group of mentors, about 655 mentees. And when we asked the mentors how many mentees out of that group have have gotten a divorce, 18 of them. 2.7%.
Speaker 2:I mean, you are literally saving marriages. There are gonna be guys that show up into these groups who this is their last straw. I'm gonna try this mentoring thing because I think it might have something to do with Christ, and it's probably gonna talk a little bit about marriage. And if this thing doesn't work, I don't know if anything else ever will. So you're saving marriages.
Speaker 2:You're helping guys understand what it's like to be in community. You're, you know, you're helping guys understand how to repair relationships with their fathers and their children. You're helping men understand how do you live in authentic community with Christ. What spiritual disciplines look like. You're just creating space for a whole lot of things to happen that can impact generations to come.
Speaker 2:And it's typically because we get a little bored of our own stories that we don't want to put ourselves out in a place that does that. And I think it took me 9 ish months to support getting my first group of 4 guys together. And, you know, I am the president of Radical Mentoring, and you would have thought that that would have been somewhat attractive. No. Took me 9 months to find 4 guys.
Speaker 2:And that's just you know, God's not in a hurry. God's not in a hurry, and God's not, you know, counting on us for some great result. He's working. And it's just you know, doing this puts you in a chance to really have amazing generational impact for Christ and and the lives of these men and their families.
Speaker 3:And I love that quote. More time with fewer people is greater kingdom impact. You know, I mean, I get so caught up in the numbers game. I get so caught up in the budget game. I get so caught up in the big, and we grow, grow, grow, grow, grow.
Speaker 3:We've gotta grow. We gotta grow. We gotta grow. Okay. Well, let's look at Jesus.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And the dude was the son of god, and he had at the most 72. More than likely 12. But really in those 12, he had 3, and you could make an argument it was only 1.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And, man, what a what a inefficient, on the on the surface, ineffective model that that changed the world.
Speaker 2:You got it.
Speaker 3:And, you know, 8 guys, like, 8 guys does not sound like it's life changing. But 8 guys have a wife. Maybe they got some kids. Maybe they impact the workplace, and that 8 turns into 16 real quick. And that 16 turns into 64 real quick.
Speaker 2:You got it.
Speaker 3:Oh, man. Go and make disciples, bro.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 3:Just sitting over here just being so convicted. Kevin, thank you. Thank Thank you for convicting me with today. That's that's
Speaker 2:not what we I didn't mean to do that.
Speaker 3:Oh, no, man. It's great. It's great. I and if Healthy conviction. Yes.
Speaker 3:100%. 100%. So if someone is listening to this and they're like, I gotta get in this, like, sign me up today. Tell me how they can do that. You guys got websites, social media, any of that stuff?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So website is radicalmentoring.com. We give away our resources. So we're a donor funded ministry. So you can go on our website, create an account, and we're asking you to put in a credit card for 9.99 a month.
Speaker 2:You'll see the process. That is not drastically different than what Reggie did in 2001 when he started doing this. We just modified the books and content a little bit along the way. So that's a great place to start. You can email me, kevin@radicalmentoring.com, or you can pick up the phone and call me at 770-710-7596.
Speaker 2:I just we just want to help. You know, I think there's way too many opportunities for great content and no support or support and not great content, and we were we really wanna do both. We want you to see the material, understand the process, but we also wanna have a guide that's walks with you along the way to help you figure out if this work in context of your church, in your neighborhood, in your business, in some other groups, in in that you're affiliated with. I just I just believe it's got the power to change the world. And so we just we wanna give it away in different hands of as many people as possible.
Speaker 3:That's great. Love it.
Speaker 1:Well, Kevin, thank you so much
Speaker 3:for your time. And guys, holler at Kevin if you guys have any question, anything like that. And super thankful for you, man.
Speaker 2:Thank you, buddy. Appreciate the work you're doing.
Speaker 3:No. Well, thank you. Thank you very much. And if you guys missed out on all this good stuff today, I hope that you'll remember one thing you can mentor. Thank
Speaker 2:you.