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“I feel like all this masculine/feminine talk is leading down a toxic path
where people are misinterpreting the whole concept to suppress women further.”
A conversation about what challenges men— in love, in sex, and in money.
Dr. Nima (00:00)
What is up? It's been a while since I've recorded one of these podcasts, but here I am. Today we're going to be talking about something really interesting that's been coming up as of late. It's highly controversial and it's about understanding polarity, why polarity should matter to you. and what would be the cost,
if we don't start to have the conversation at least. If you're brand new to my channel, welcome. My name is Dr. Nima Rahmany. I'm a retired chiropractor after having gone through a toxic trauma bond to the other side and created a healthy, secure relationship from a place of codependency. The journey that I went through inspired me to basically teach other people the same because there were so many gaps
in personal development and therapy from teachers who mean well therapists who mean well, but weren't actually embodying lifestyle that I wanted to create simply by having a diploma does not mean that you have the skills and the embodiment of creating a secure, healthy relationship.
You know, I was in that space of what the F should I stay or go? and I found the right guides, guides, plural and integrated a whole bunch of, healing work, added to what I already had on my plate, what I already had in my toolbox and, did what I thought I would never do, which is to have a healthy, secure relationship from a trauma bonded codependent state. So it just so happens it wasn't part of the plan, but
This is now what I help facilitate in other people. And I'm the founder of the Cyclebreakers Academy that really helps people break cycles of intergenerational trauma by learning how to become trigger -proof, by mastering the self, by learning nervous system regulation. So I have upcoming announcement that I'm gonna tell you about just in a little bit, but I really wanted to talk about
this concept of polarity. You know, why it's so controversial, like what the F. And so to really get into it, I have to start by going back and sharing that I thought that the Holy Grail was to create a secure relationship after the kind of relationship that I was in before. I thought, you know what, I don't want to die not having experienced healthy, safe, secure love where
not only like I wasn't, I was more of the avoidant type of attachment, more of a dismissive avoidant because I would get into relationships and I would, soon as things got real, I would look for excuses, look for ways that, this person's not the right one. You know, tell me if you can relate to that where students, soon as things start getting, you know, like real, you start going into fault finding mode and looking for reasons why this person's not the right person.
And, you know, it was a huge journey. I wouldn't be in the relationship that I'm in now had I not gone through that journey. But as a dismissive, kind of like avoidant, I was never worried about finding somebody. My concern wasn't, my gosh, are they gonna love me, like the anxious, preoccupied type of attachment. Mine was more...
Am I gonna really wanna be in this? Like I had the fear of commitment. So many men actually struggle with this a lot. So it seems like I wasn't alone. It was good to know that I wasn't alone. So if you can relate to what I'm saying, just know that I see you. And if you were listening to this and your partner or your dating guys like me, just know that I see you as well. And this conversation is for you as well.
What happens though is people who are teaching, people who are coaching and teaching about relationships and polarity, I realize that if they're not living embodied from a place where they themselves have a relationship where there is magnetism, then I'm not paying attention and I'm not listening. And this is my invitation for you as well. If anybody who is talking about polarity, if they're not married,
with a child and living really connected where, you know, where they want to be with one another, where they're not just roommates, right? And this isn't just about like the woman being subservient and not having a voice and being, you know, domineering, like with a domineering husband type of thing. No, I'm saying both parties actually want to f**k one another. You know what I mean? It's like,
Okay, so you have a seven figure business. Does your wife still want to f**k you? You know, congratulations, you're a seven figure boss, babe. Great. Do you have a man that really wants to provide and protect you? Right? Or are you repelling masculine men and constantly finding yourself in situations where you are like having to mother the man or
They're weak ass men that just don't want to step up and they're really attracted to the fact that you can wipe their ass and take care of them. Right? So this is for people who are wanting to have, you know, as a man, if you're wanting a relationship where you have a soft, surrendered, non bossy, non controlling type of a woman. And if you're a woman who wants
a man, even if you're a boss, babe, making seven figures, I've worked with those narcissistic types as well, who just couldn't find men that were strong, you know, they were emasculated, they were more in their feminine. And I've helped them turn it around and become claimed by masculine men, even if the guy wasn't making as much, he still became kind of like a dominant devotionally dominant leader. And
So what I'm trying to say is you have to be careful who is like, who's making the comments. Right? So the conversation of polarity is extremely controversial. And I'm going to tell you why in a moment, but my invitation for you is to start looking is when you're listening to somebody make a comment, any commentary about polarity before just
kind of like adopting it as the gospel truth, ask them or ask yourself, do they have a relationship that is polarized? Do they have, as if this is a woman with a child, is there a man who's a protector and a provider who wants to have s*x? Is there, is there attraction there? Because the reason why we're talking about polarity is there's one reason and that is attraction. It's magnetism. This is why we should care about the conversation.
And the people that I find on social media who are screaming the loudest and complaining the most, when you look at their lives, are they in relationships where their partner actually wants to f**k them? Can we even say this in 2024? Are we even allowed to even say it? Well, just so happens this is my podcast. I can say whatever the f**k I want, even though it might not be
politically correct. You're here because you are kind of wanting something beyond political correctness of what society says you should have. And you actually want relationships that are fulfilling health that is embodied that you feel safe in your own skin. And you want to feel confident in expressing yourself in your self expression. You want to feel confident in your self expression so that you don't have to fawn and people please
constantly because that fawning people pleasing trauma response and societal conditioning is exactly why our relationships don't work and there isn't magnetism between them. So I came into this work of polarity thinking that all I had to do was do the inner work and then have a secure relationship. And then that was the finish line. But I realized that
creating a secure relationship is a false summit. It's not actually the real end goal. Because once you have that and then you have a child, something really interesting happens. You're in a situation where a man and a woman, they have a child and before the child is there, the love that's in that container is all contained between two people. Now add a third person,
And the love is still there, but it's now divided by three. So if this couple isn't equipped with the tools to adapt to this change, I don't know what the research is. I'm going to look it up and I'm going to share that research in my upcoming workshop that's coming up about this, but a large percentage of relationships within the first two years of a child having a child
start to fall apart, they start to erode, affairs start to go up, the chances of affairs happen exponentially higher after children, children f**k shit up. Children make relationships, they present a lot of stress and strain.
Not only are we dealing with the traumatic childbirth that a woman has to go through, yes, a woman goes through it. You're listening because you believe. You're listening on my channel because you believe that it's women that are able to have a baby, not a man. And so we have C -section, we have, you know, traumatic birth for the baby, for the mother, and then now breastfeeding starts coming in. And so,
You know, when we had Dominic, I just remember, you know, her just so much pain in, you know, breastfeeding. And so as a man, here I am, like, I don't want to bother my wife. I don't want to be a drain on her because all of her energy is going towards keeping this child alive. And what happens with men, especially if you're a man with an abandonment wound,
All of these abandonment wounds are going to get activated after a child is born. This is nature. It's not because these men are bad. It's because this is natural. This is what happens. And a woman's wounding comes up after childhood, especially if she's had complex trauma in her past when she was a baby. All of these memories, it is a radical change in the culture.
of a family system, right? All the love that was there is now divided by three. So if we're not care, luckily I had done my inner work and I had practiced, I was well versed in how to self -regulate and how to self -validate and I was prepared, you know? The breaking free from the trauma bond instilled in me an education of how to respond, how to become trigger -proof when these...
woundings would get activated, how to notice them, how to resource them, and then how to communicate them. And there were some painful conversations with my wife and I
we're human beings and we have needs. We have these instinctual needs and it's important for us to not gaslight them and to feel that they're wrong or bad, we're wrong or bad. But I can recall, you know, my wife not having slept, waking up in the middle of the night, God bless her. She's like an amazing human being and we had both decided that she was gonna like, I'm, you know, the provider, the breadwinner. So.
me getting that sleep and taking care of people going through their traumatic experiences and healing their trauma bonds, I had to be fully resourced. So she volunteered herself to wake up and take care of Dominic so that he never had to cry through the middle of the night. The cry it out method we knew that wasn't going to be helpful creates trauma, traumatic response for the child. So we really wanted to
become attachment parents. We wanted to do attachment parenting. And the more she would attach with Dominic, the less attachment that I would be getting. So that's the first kind of challenge that we have in relational dynamics that screw up relationships after children are born, right? And God bless them, we love our kids and...
there's a strain on a relationship that happens that if we're not equipped with, we're not prepared for things, problems can happen. And if we don't bring them to the surface and have the conversations, because we don't want to rock the boat or whatever, then we become vulnerable to infidelity, right? The clients in our cycle breakers Academy, I always ask them, so when did things go wrong? Well, I was exhausted after my second child.
boom, that's when the infidelity happens, right? Not that it's her fault, but isn't it wise for us to talk about it so we don't go down the road and set up the perfect storm for relational dynamics that go awry, right? The should I stay or go? We gotta go back and find the runway that created that situation.
Problem number one we have is unresolved attachment trauma. If we don't resolve that, that interferes with the dynamics soon as the child is born. Then the second thing is, is though, if two people are not getting their needs met, a woman is not getting her emotional needs met, especially after a child, having a child, she goes into mama bear mode like that, and now goes into mama bear mode you think is feminine, but it's actually more of the protection.
masculine energy, because the energy goes 100 % into keeping this child alive, and it should. But the problem is, and speaking to so many couples that we work with that reach out that are stuck in these dynamics, they will say that after we were great and then the kids were born and then things went sour. And here's why, is because when a woman has a child, she goes into mama bear mode,
then naturally that leans into leadership and masculine energy. Even though we think moms are feminine, keeping a child alive and being the protector, the mama bear is very masculine energy. It's leadership, it's directives. And slowly with these directives that my wife was giving me, do this, do this, do this, I would get irritated. There was an irritation that would start to
bubble to the surface, but my kind, nice guy type of scenario that, you know, I'm the protector, I'm the provider, was to gaslight that irritation. That irritation is actually the masculine instinct, the leader, the boss, not liking to be told what to do. Because here's the thing, the masculine actually has a drive to provide and protect. We are providers. You tell us like,
If you've ever, you don't know what I'm talking about, just try telling a man what the problem is and he's gonna come up with a solution. He wants to solve it. And then you're, as a woman, you might be thinking like, I don't want you to solve it. You know, there's a famous video, it's called, It's Not About the Nail, right? It's this woman with this nail in her forehead. It's hilarious, it's on YouTube, check it out. And she's like, I just have this terrible headache and it's right here. And he's like,
You have a nail. Let's just take the nail out. She's like, it's not about the nail. She just wants to be validated and seen and understood. And the man is like, let's fix it. Us men, we are natural problem solvers. We want to be the hero. But when it's delivered, when the communication is delivered in a directive, telling us what to do, it activates my mother instinct, not my mother instinct that I'm being mothered.
So we hear quite a bit from women saying, God, I just feel like I'm his mother. And then what happens is they enter our programs and then we start training and they start seeing how their communication is in masculine leading. And they're like, Holy shit. I'm partially responsible for emasculating him. Cause what happens is when my wife will tell me what to do, go get the groceries, go get that from the
from the trunk of the car.
And when a woman is barking orders, a true masculine instinct does not like that. That's very irritating. If I suppress that irritation and I just kind of suppress it because it's the right thing to do. And I'm trying to be supportive. A part of me feels disconnected a part of me. It kills the devotion.
Because I feel like ask any man he hates being told what to do. Right. The leader does not enjoy that. Right. And so it does not inspire devotion. What'll happen is one of two things. I'll either say, F you get the heck away. Don't tell me what to do, which doesn't help either of you. Or the other thing that's most commonly yes, dear, I'll do what you say. And what happens is.
The feminine instinct within her all of a sudden starts to shut down respect. It's a small gain for the woman, but long -term loss. And this is where the woman over periods of time will say, I don't respect them because a woman in her feminine instinct can't really respect a man who follows her orders. Deep down, deep down in her feminine underneath.
underneath all of that masculine wounding, she does not feel safe in a man that she can boss around. And he feels, ugh, about it. Ick. It gives him the ick. So what I noticed was that after about six months, seven months, a year into having Dominic, we were not having any s*x. And it wasn't because she was tired or whatever. That could be an excuse.
but it was because, and here's the thing, it was because I didn't want to. And our relationship was great. We love one another, we were all in, we were deeply committed, we are still deeply committed to making sure that this relationship is long lasting. But I did not want to f**k my wife. And that started to become, like we weren't having s*x.
And that wasn't the red flag. The red flag was I didn't even want to. And that was when I woke up and said, okay, I know that our relationship is now at risk. Why? Because I'm a human being with needs. And if I'm not getting those needs met, and neither is she, and I work with amazing women, I work with people out there, I'm a social person.
I'm not unbreakable. I have this shadow whose ex -girlfriend was a stripper and a s*x worker for a reason, because I was addicted to the s*x and the secrecy and the s*xual adventure about it. So that part of me that I had to tame, I felt like I was taming it as part of my life force energy, that if I tame it,
And I put it aside, understanding about how are the human behavior and how shadows are and how I'm just a human, just like anyone else. I knew that our marriage was going to be at risk if I didn't do something dramatic. And that's when I started to study books, podcasts, whatever, and started to get help with polarity and understanding polarity. And as I started learning it,
I was blown away by how controversial it was. People lose their shit over polarity. Polarity, as it seems, is quite polarizing. It's called polarity. And so what I observed is that polarity is very polarizing because deep down inside, we want magnetism. We want attraction with a
with the opposite s*x. It's instinctual. It's why you're here. It's because your mom and dad had feelings, instinctual drives that were met through this blissful moment of union that created you. It's why we're here. It's s*xual energy. It's Eros. It's creative flow. It's universal life force energy. But what happens is because of the advent of feminism,
which started off as an amazing concept of equality of the s*xes. We've now gotten into the third and fourth wave of feminism where it's now become like a cult, where the women have now because of the, it's kind of like a victim hood movement of anger and bitterness. And now it's turned to misandry. It's basically the cutting down of men.
Right? It's not about bringing women into equality. It's basically, if you listen to feminists, it's, they're extremely bitter and they're holding onto a victim story that that's unresolved. And on the flip side of it, men have our version of it too. After I left my last relationship, I kind of fell into it. It was the red pill, which are men who, this was, I had already been divorced and then this relationship happened. So I was just like a victim to women.
Right? So there's misogyny on one side, which is a prejudice, disrespectful prejudice against women. And now feminists, basically, and misandry is, it's almost like you can't tell the difference. Misandry is the same thing as misogyny, but for for men. So
This is what's happened. And now we've come to a culture where feminism, the rise of feminism, it's now the pendulum is swung and it's now anti men, right? Like hating on men. And so women are now shamed for wanting traditional instinctual desires of raising a family of having kids
of staying at home with the kids, right? It's basically like, you know, feminism is kind of teaching as we gotta be like men, we can do it, you know, it's that, what's her name? Rosie the Riveter, those pictures of that woman, Rosie the Riveter, we can do it, right? It's like, you know, Gloria Steinem basically said, you know, something about a woman needs a man like a, like a
fish needs a bicycle, something to that effect. And so we are this, I've been studying Kelly Brogan's work, a psychiatrist who left the dark side and has now gone through two divorces and now she's like, completely disillusioned. And she's like, feminism, I've been fed was a psychological operation by the government to try to, you know, break down the family system and create women in the workplace for more taxes.
They can make their daddy the government, right? She's got some amazing thoughts about that. And she's got a new book coming out called The Reclaimed Woman. And she talks about all this. So this is not Nima mansplaining you. This is actually coming from women who are now realizing it. And there's a disillusionment is that women have been conditioned to think that we don't need a man, right? And it's like,
There's, this is why that's so controversial. Because of the pain and the wounding, we go to the flip side and then we deny our instinctual needs and something that is this, which is exactly what's been lost, which is our drives and our needs, the needs that we have as human beings. A man, a woman needs, especially, you know, my wife is a master's degree in sociology and a black belt in Taekwondo. She's not some,
Absolutely, right? But when she was pregnant, we went through this conversation, there were some tears. She's like, I'm an independent woman, and now I'm realizing I am completely dependent on you. And that's terrifying for a woman in the patriarchy, right? In the patriarchy, especially being raised with a single mother, right? Where if you were raised with a single mother, if you were raised with a woman who's a feminist,
then you've been conditioned to think that we shouldn't need a man. And so instinctually, women need men. You say, I don't need a man. But when there's somebody coming in and burglarizing your home, you're going to want a man there to provide and protect. Women need men. Women are the most vulnerable. And children are the most vulnerable in our species. So women need men to protect and provide.
And that doesn't mean that it's weak. And men have instinctual needs is to provide. We have a need to provide. It gives us purpose. What the f**k are we doing this for? Right. When a woman doesn't feel her instinctual needs are met, she's got to put up her masculine shield and become more masculine. That is a protective good thing.
But the problem is over decades, it gets exhausting. Every single woman that has ever reached out to me in her masculine as a boss babe says the exact same thing. I just want to be able to surrender. I just can't. I'm just too scared, too wounded, too conditioned. I've never had a safe masculine container. And for that, I have huge compassion because
We don't train men how to be, there is no, unless you've had a father who really was a protector and provider and a devotionally dominant man who was trigger -proof, who was able to self -regulate and who had had healed his wounding from childhood, then chances are the masculine, the masculine kind of role modeling that you had wasn't very good.
What happens is, as a woman, you get conditioned to think that you're on your own, that it's not safe to surrender. And the truth of the matter is there are amazing, safe, masculine men out there. The problem is, is that the more masculine the man becomes, the more feminine that man requires. But the more masculine a woman becomes,
the more wounded and unresolved in her wounding the woman is, the more of a masculine shield that she puts up, the problem is that she's gonna require a more masculine man to be able to hold space for her. The problem again, it's a catch -22 because those men want nothing to do with invulnerable, walled up, feminist, victim -y, blame -y, judge -y.
entitled women. We look at that and we're like, this is why I was like blown away when I met Diana. This is why it was a f**k yes for me, because my my previous relationships were all with masculinized women who started off in their feminine. But as soon as the attachment wounds came in, there was a depolarization. That's what happens in a trauma bond. It starts off
really hot and heavy, right? The man is pursuing love bombing, whatever, claiming, and then the woman surrenders. And now we have a great polarity, right? But I call that unconscious polarity.
It's just a mask. And what I was wanting was a mother because I hadn't healed my attachment wounds. And what those women, specifically my ex who was deep in her masculine, she was actually the masculine in a gay relationship with another woman. She was the man, the provider, the protector. And by the way, when I met her, she was sick. She was exhausted. She was highly traumatized.
like physically sick, her health was pshh, because a woman who's deep in her masculine is very exhausted and unhealthy and frustrated and bitter and tired and deep down all she wants is to surrender and be taken care of. The problem is, is those men who are like that want nothing to do with women like that. And when I met Diana,
someone who has a story with traumatic past with, with men, she was the opposite. She was soft. She was feminine. And so it made it an easy choice for me to go, boom, I'm going to put a ring on it. So all of this to say, it's controversial because of wounding because of societal conditioning. And I'm talking to you to kind of cater to go beneath
the surface of your wounding and your conditioning. And let's go into the instincts. In this community, if you're listening, let's consider this a community. In my community, you have a right to your instinctual desires. If you're a man, your instinctual desire is to be a provider and a protector, to have a woman be open and receptive to your provision. And if you're a woman, you have the instinctual desire and you have a right to it.
to not have to think of everything, to be led in a relationship, to have a man who's devotional, who can hold space for your emotions rather than be a victim to your emotions. You have a right to that. But with that right also comes a responsibility. And this is where the blind spot is with most people who hate polarity, specifically hyper -masculinized women and ultra -feminized men
who have broken polarity. These are the two camps who have the biggest controversy against it. And let me give you an example. There was a post on this and somebody was asking about polarity, what's your take on polarity?
So there's this woman who's a counselor. She answered this and I cut it and pasted it. And so I'm gonna read it to you. She says, I feel like all this obsession with masculinity and femininity is leading down a really toxic path where people are misrepresenting the whole concept in order to oppress women further. Okay, interesting. It's a backlash to new waves of feminism and female empowerment. Yeah.
because let's all agree that it's gone a little bit to the deep end. Find me a radical feminist in a healthy relationship and I'll be like, wow, with a masculine man who's a protector and a provider, who isn't being mothered by her. That's my challenge to you. I'd love to see it. It's spreading a 1950s message that women are meant to be docile, submissive, and servile to men.
When in reality, I believe at the healthy and conscious core of all this feminine and masculine messaging is the opposite. So it's not healthy to say that. The conscious reality is that we are all more free when we're allowed to embody masculine and feminine traits and characteristics without shame. I also believe that as some men are healing and becoming conscious, they are learning that they must parent their wounded inner child in order to be able to show up and hold space.
particularly for women, which is true, who have been, who have through generations been traumatized by the patriarchy. Let's say that that's true as well, as grounded safe witnesses and containers for our understandable pain and fear. Okay, so there's a slight tinge of still kind of like in that victimhood shadow that's there. So it's kind of like a justification is that
the patriarchy. So there's kind of like an entitlement there, if you can hear. This is what I hear all the time, and it's an unpopular opinion with the feminists. I hear this a lot. There's an entitlement. because of the past, then you have to kind of cater to us right now. It's kind of like, you know, about the Holocaust that happened. Is me constantly throwing the Holocaust in your face?
you got to have reparations for what happened because we're still carrying it. While it's important for you to have compassion towards what happened in the past and as well to what happened with the natives in the schools and the reservation schools. That we using that to constantly throw it in the future is promoting an ongoing victim story that keeps us stuck in the narrative
and it's not helpful for the long term. To acknowledge it is the first step, but to constantly be using that as a reason for, I'm just gonna be exactly however the f**k I wanna be. And because of the patriarchy, you gotta sit the f**k down and shut the f**k up and I can behave however way I want because it's understandable. Red flag of entitlement.
red flag of entitlement. This kind of, this borderlines is kind of narcissism when we feel that entitlement. I'm spreading a message of accountability and responsibility. And oftentimes with people stuck in victimhood, the word accountability is akin to victim blaming. And that's not what I'm saying right now. Okay, so let me go on further. So,
I also believe that as some men are healing and becoming conscious, they are learning that they must parent their wounded inner child, true, in order to be able to show up and hold space, particularly for women who have through generations been traumatized by the patriarchy as grounded, safe witnesses and containers for our understandable pain and fear. Okay, cool. I believe women are exhausted from parenting their male partners. Yes, that is true, I agree. Mothering them. Yes, that's true, I agree.
We need the men to parent themselves, heal themselves, and then show up in relationship with us as equal partners. Here's the thing. Equal partners means calling out disrespectful and unconsciously disrespectful behavior that is crossing a boundary, but doing it in a loving way.
Right? A lot of women are like, I want a masculine man, but the truth of the man, truth of the point is masculine men will call out disrespect and not tolerate masculine men are boundaried and will they be able to say no, which might activate you when you're deep in your masculine as a woman, right? Feminized men who've emasculated don't set those boundaries and that feels safe.
That's the nice guy who feels safe, but a woman's feminine instinct will not be happy long -term with that. Right? We need men to parent themselves, heal themselves. Yes, that's true. Men definitely do need that. I agree. And then show up in relationship with us as equal partners. They also need to learn that they are of value whether or not they are being s*xually desired and s*xually pursued by women. Okay, that's true. Whether, you know, I'm...
I need to be, I'm a value whether a woman is finding me s*xually attractive or not, sure, that's true. Same with women, right? They need to develop a relationship with themselves that satisfies their s*xual needs and stop chasing after us for s*x and validation with nothing else to offer and actually just more work for us. Interesting. So.
Can you sense the victimhood in that and the entitlement in that? First and foremost, I gotta say, it's normal and healthy for a man to pursue s*xuality. It's just the way that we're born. It's instinctual. Now, how we channel that, I can admit, without doing my healing work, I channeled it with a former s*x worker and an exotic dancer and...
formed a relationship with her because I hadn't channeled my s*xual impulse, right? And neither had she. She hadn't learned how to do it. And this is everybody's responsibility, not just men, right? So the conversation becomes, because of the patriarchy, men need to do all this growing up and da -da -da -da -da, da -da -da -da -da. And so they need to parent themselves, stop chasing after s*x.
and stop making that the only thing, stop chasing us after s*x and validation and offer nothing else. So I'm gonna pause and I'm gonna invite you to see whoever said that, invite you to see number one, it's normal and it's healthy for a man to look after and pursue his s*xuality. That's why you're here is because a man was pursuing s*xuality. It's an impulse and it's an impulse for a woman
to want to receive provision from a man. So what I did with this woman, I said, hey, it was very, very polite. I was like, listen, I really appreciate that. Can you tell me, are you in a healthy relationship? What's your relationship status like? Right? And she responded and it was actually pretty interesting what she said. She said, I'm in a 19 year relationship. We have a daughter and we're separated because he chose to go back.
We're not rude. He's providing financially and emotionally, but romantically, he's now back with his ex because he split with me and wants to be with his ex romantically. interesting. Isn't it interesting how I kind of knew that just from the tone of the message, I can feel the bitterness and the entitlement. And here's the problem with that. We can sit here
and talk about societal shoulds that should be happening. But the truth of the matter is her man wanted nothing to do with her s*xually. Why? Because there was a lack of polarity. And he found that polarity with his old romantic partner because she was more submissive and submissive is not a dirty word. Submissive
by conscious submission, not because of a doormat and weak. That's the problem is that we see dominance as oppressive, whereas we see it as commanding and leading and submission we see as like fawning and weak when how about it be a powerful choice that's done actively.
Like if you're religious and you submit to God, are you a doormat to God? Or do you do it like spiritually as a very powerful action? That's the submission I'm talking about. I'm talking about conscious polarity. I'm talking about integrated polarity. So my wife and I, when we started noticing this erosion of our attraction to one another, I made a commitment. I said, babe, I had a little talk with her.
I said, babe, here's what's gonna happen. We're not having good s*x. We're not having enough of it. And I'm not blaming you. I'm blaming whatever conditioning is going on in our society. We deserve to have good attraction. We deserve to have good s*x. We are safe with one another. So I'm going to become a more dominant leader in this relationship, which means
helping you with the way that you're communicating with me so that I can help you tweak it in a way instead of barking orders at me, you're expressing vulnerably what your needs are, which actually version one causes me to shut down instinctively. And version two, where you're expressing your needs vulnerably causes the masculine to rise. Why? Because I don't wanna be like that woman.
20 years into our marriage and we are not having s*x and me fantasizing about former partners because you are not giving, you are not meeting my needs and I'm not meeting yours. This is conscious polarity. Dominance is not a dirty word. Submission is not a dirty word. I admit, I agree that the conditioning and the society and the wounding collectively in our shadows has contributed to that.
but it doesn't have to be that way. And since I started working on that, shifting my energy, my frequency, the nuances of polarity and my willingness to lead my woman, she being a master's degree in sociology and a black belt in taekwondo willingly now submits to me, not because she's a doormat, but enthusiastically
because she trusts me. I'm the father of her child. I am devotional. I have proven the fact that I am all in. And the fact that I'm leading her into this is not because I want to put her in a box and minimize her, but because I don't want to be 20 years down the road and lose my attraction to one another, lose our attraction to one another. And I know that the only way to keep it
is polarity. And I know that it's a dirty word these days for many people. And those of us who are the most triggered by this word are the ones that need it the most. That's my, that's my invitation for you is to see if this word actually triggers you. And you want to say f**k you to me just for just from what I'm sharing with you. My invitation for you is to really look deep and ask why.
and I'm willing to bet you is because you have wounding. There's a part of you that deeply wants it. How do I know? Well, why do you think 50 Shades of Grey was like porn and it sold 95 whatever million copies? Because it's in the cultural, it's in the instinct. Deep down, we want it. A man to take charge, to say, I'm the boss.
Here's how it's going to be done. And I'm going to make choices based on your best interest. The we, the collective, that's my new version of what patriarchy is. It's a loving devotional man who really cares as a leader to hold space and the wellbeing of everyone. And there's, it's a lot of work. It takes a lot of responsibility of emotional regulation, commitment.
But a woman isn't absolved from the responsibility either if she wants to attract a man like that, because these men exist. And I promise you that I guarantee you they just in North America, it doesn't exist. This is why we have passport bros, because the women in Eastern Europe, in Philippines, South America, they know how to be women. Right. They respect men. Men want to be respected. They don't want to have
to lead a woman who's entitled. That entitled stuff, great. Let's be co -parents, but I gotta find a lover that's actually for magnetism, for s*xuality, to have s*x, to have attraction requires polarity. And if you're a boss babe, and you're living in this kind of cultural norm society of, we should just be free to be doing what we want, be careful. Take a look at your life and notice,
Do you have a partner that wants to f**k you? Why is that important? It's important because if I and my wife don't have that bond, that energetic bond of intimacy will then spill over from mother to child. Because that's gotta go somewhere. It leaks out. If it's not with the parents, it's gonna leak out into the siblings, it's gonna leak out emotional incest, look it up.
Where does emotional incest begin? The lack of energetic connections, polarity and s*xuality between mom and dad. Mom is sad about it and then all of a sudden, parentifies and creates a surrogate intimate partner out of the five -year -old child. The child then feels special and important, one part, and then the other part is like, my God.
This is a lot of responsibility. That child grows up like me, wanting connection, taking on responsibility, and then feeling like I gotta get my needs met outside. I need to break free from this enmeshment with my mother, and I'm gonna use my partner to do it. That's called enmeshment trauma. And if we don't create polarity in our family systems for the sake of, for the sake of
wellbeing, this marriage becoming a fortress of wellbeing, we have, we have leaking, we're leaking that s*xual energy that should be between the two because, because we want to, you know, be politically correct and followed, not have to follow gender norms and just see that everybody can just be, everyone should just be whatever they want. Right. And then you end up like roommates and then you end up, you know,
wanting to be with somebody else, like, right? Who do you, who does the affair happen with? With the boss, right? We had somebody in our community who was this guy whose wife had an affair then dates this other woman, second wife, another affair. It's like, what the f**k's going on here? What's happening? Turns out his first wife, while he was, while she was pregnant, four months pregnant with their daughter, she went and start f**king who?
The boss, right? Or another guy who she's pregnant. They're having a young child. Who does he go and f**k the secretary? Why? Why does that make sense? Why does this happen everywhere? Because the boss was the leader of the woman and she wanted, she had polarity with him. The secretary respected the leadership of the boss. These boss.
kind of dynamics that people are having affairs with. Why can't we create what I call integrated conscious polarity within a safe relational dynamic rather than trying to create these these cultural, you know, politically correct. we should be able to do whatever. She's screaming all this. Meanwhile, her husband is f**king the X.
providing emotionally and financially. Pay attention to the people who are giving advice about relationships. The question that I always look for is, are they still f**king and do they enjoy f**king one another? The boss babe who's up there. I used to think that making a lot of money was the flex. Right now, the real flex for me is, does my partner still want to f**k?
and enjoy f**king. Do I want to? And that is possible if you master the art of polarity. And it's nuanced. Ironically, it's not black and white. And I've dedicated my life to creating trainings now for my community. I have a program that we're three months into this cohort, sold out. It's called co -regulated and magnetic. Polarity is a big part of it, but not...
doormat fawning, do whatever the f**k a guy says while he's being domineering. That's not polarity. And polarity isn't love bombing and I'm gonna claim you and you're my woman and let's get married right away. That's unconscious polarity. I'm talking about conscious integrated polarity on the other side of a secure relationship. I thought that the secure relationship was the holy grail, but it's a false summit. Polarity on the other side of security is.
And that is my challenge for you is to go all in and learn that. And I have a training that's coming up about that. The link is at the bottom. If you're interested in showing up and learning and bring your questions, ask questions. It's highly controversial. If you're going to show up, you got to make sure that you're willing to expand your capacity for a very triggering conversation. Every time I've shared this with the public, people's triggers have gone up.
My invitation for you is to lean in, lean in, in your body and be willing to see what you haven't been wanting to see. and this is only for those who want to have attraction in long -term relationships so that your partner doesn't have to go elsewhere to get it. And you want to, and you want to take responsibility, not blame for managing your energy to co -create that. That's what this is for.
See you at the next perfect time.