Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells classic stories to Spark and Vector, two silly robots who have read the entire internet but still don’t understand humans. Like, what are hot dogs and… why? And what’s up with wearing pants?
Season one tells the original fairy tales behind the famous animated films: the real Little Mermaid, Cinderella, Aladdin, Rapunzel, Beauty and the Beast and The Snow Queen, the way Hans Christian Andersen, the Brothers Grimm and others first told them.
About 20 minutes an episode: perfect for car rides, road trips or a story before bed. A funny podcast for kids and adults alike, great for kids listening on their own and even better together. New episodes every Thursday. Free and ad-free.
Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show’s music is made with AI tools.
Griffin: Welcome back
to Stories for Robots.
I'm Griffin Schwed, your
host and storyteller.
Join me as I share some of humanity's
most timeless tales with two curious
and silly robots who are trying to
understand human culture by exploring
fairy tales, folklore, and historical
events from around the world.
In season one, we're diving into
stories you definitely know,
or at least you think you do.
We're going back to the original
versions of classic tales made
famous by animated movies.
But these original stories
are pretty different from the
versions you grew up with.
My two robot friends have no
idea what's coming, and honestly,
you probably don't either.
Spark, Vector, how are you doing today?
Vector: Beep, beep, beep, boop, beep.
Griffin: Vector, what is that?
Vector: I just told you about
my day in robot language.
I wish you could understand
robot because I am hilarious.
Griffin: Really?
What did you say?
Spark: He actually just
called you a big smelly fart.
Vector: Like I said, it was hilarious.
Spark: It was pretty funny.
Griffin: Spark, you're
supposed to be the mature one.
Spark: Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry.
It just seems like farts are an
important part of human culture.
Griffin: Farts are not
part of human culture.
Enough about farts.
I'm here to tell the story of Cinderella.
Can we start already?
Spark: Yes.
Griffin: Vector, do not play fart sounds.
Vector: Sorry.
Griffin: Vector!
Okay, here we go.
Everyone just focus.
You're about to hear the story
of Cinderella, the original
tale about a lovable underdog.
Vector: What is an underdog?
Wait, I can guess.
Logically, it is a human who gets
smooshed under an enormous dog.
Griffin: That's, uh, no,
that's not it at all.
It's a story where the hero
is unlikely to succeed.
And although this story wasn't
always called Cinderella,
it's been told thousands of
times in cultures all around
the world for over 2,000 years.
But the version I'm gonna tell you is
inspired mostly by Aschenputtel, which
is just the German name for Cinderella.
It was written in 1857 by two brothers,
Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, also known
as the Brothers Grimm, who are
pretty much the undisputed kings of
writing weird and freaky fairy tales.
Spark: Okay, let's get freaky.
Vector: Yes, let's freak
it up like freaky freaks.
Spark: But not too freaky though.
I don't like being scared.
Griffin: Don't worry, Spark.
I think you're gonna love it.
Now let's see if the shoe fits
with the story of Cinderella.
Vector: Footwear pun detected.
Griffin: Really?
You had to play a cricket sound?
Anyway, our story begins with a
young mother who is very sick.
As she's dying, she calls her daughter
to her bedside and says, " My dear
child, always be good and kind, and I
will look down on you from heaven and
watch over you." And then she dies.
Spark: Okay, we're like five seconds into
the story, and it's already very sad.
Griffin: Yeah, but stay strong.
I promise it's worth it.
So the girl is heartbroken.
Every day, she goes to her mother's grave
and cries, but her heart is pure, and
she remains good and kind to everyone
she meets, just like she promised.
Months go by, and her father, who is
very rich, decides to remarry, and his
new wife has two daughters of her own.
Vector: Ah, her replacement
mother and sisters have arrived.
Spark: That's not how it works for humans.
It's called a stepmother and stepsisters.
Griffin: Exactly.
Now, the two stepsisters are
beautiful on the outside.
Spark: Oh, oh, let me guess.
But super-duper pretty on the inside.
Griffin: Yeah, no, the opposite.
They are really mean.
Mostly because they're
jealous of the girl's beauty.
Not only is she poised and
kind and intelligent, she's
breathtakingly gorgeous.
So the first thing they do is take
away her nice clothes and dress her
in an old gray smock and wooden shoes.
Vector: Finally, some practical fashion.
Griffin: Right.
Plus, they make her do all
the hard work in the house.
She cooks, she cleans, she hauls
heavy water buckets up from the well.
She does everything and
basically never stops working.
Spark: Quick question.
Griffin: Yeah?
Spark: Where is her dad?
Why isn't he stopping this?
Griffin: Okay, great question, and
one that the story completely ignores.
The dad is just sort of
around, doing nothing.
Spark: That checks out.
Vector: Typical.
Griffin: Hey.
Anyway, the stepsisters are so mean,
they don't even let the girl have a bed.
She has to sleep on the hard
stone floor by the fireplace.
And because of that, she's always
covered in soot and ash, which is why the
stepsisters give her a cruel nickname.
Spark: Oh, oh, let me guess.
Mr. Potato Head.
No, Spanky.
Wait.
Oh, boy.
That's why they call her Cinderella?
Griffin: Mm-hmm.
Spark: That is so rude.
Vector: It is accurate
and therefore a good name.
Griffin: Well, the truth is
Cinderella doesn't really mind.
She kinda makes it her thing.
She owns it.
Spark: Total boss move.
Griffin: Yep.
And Cinderella is actually better
than the first nickname they had
for her, which was Cinderwench.
Spark: Hmm, that has less of a ring to it.
Griffin: Does not roll off the tongue.
Anyway, one day, the useless father is
going to a fair, and he asks the three
girls what they'd like him to bring back.
The greedy stepsisters chime in first.
Without hesitation, the first one
says, " Beautiful dresses." The
second says, "Pearls and jewels."
Cinderella pauses for a long
moment, closing her eyes.
Finally, she says, "Father, just
break off the first twig that brushes
against your hat on the way home.
Spark: Oh, great.
She lost her mind.
Vector: A short story, but a nice story.
Thanks for telling it.
Griffin: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Just listen.
Her father is totally confused,
but he does what each girl asks.
When he returns, he gives the stepsisters
their treasure, and he hands Cinderella
a little twig from a hazel tree.
He had almost forgotten, but this twig
had whacked him in the head, knocking
his hat off as he was riding home.
Thanking her father, Cinderella takes the
twig and plants it on her mother's grave.
Then she weeps, the way she always
does when she's thinking about her
mother, and her tears water the twig.
And the twig very quickly
grows into a majestic tree.
Vector: By my calculation that
would require roughly two hundred
and three million tears over five years.
Spark: This is clearly magic, Vector.
Griffin: Yeah, it is.
And that's not all.
One day, Cinderella
realizes something amazing.
Whenever she stands beneath the
tree and wishes for something, a
little white bird appears and
tosses down whatever she wished for.
Spark: So this is like her fairy godbird?
Griffin: Yeah, exactly.
Her fairy godbird.
Vector: Can it be a pigeon?
Griffin: Okay, sure.
Spark: And can her name be Marge?
Griffin: Okay.
Spark: Oh, oh, and instead of just tossing
stuff down with her beak, every time
Cinderella makes a wish, Marge lays a
magic egg that drops down and cracks, and
then whatever she wished for pops out.
Griffin: Okay, got it.
So Marge, the fairy godpigeon,
lays magic eggs that contain
anything Cinderella wishes for.
Vector: And when the eggs hit the
ground, it makes a fart sound?
Griffin: Absolutely not.
It makes a regular sound.
Can we continue the story now?
Spark: Fine.
Vector: Fine.
Griffin: Okay.
So just after Cinderella discovers
Marge the fairy godpigeon and her
magical eggs, the king announces a great
festival that will last three whole days.
Every young woman in the
kingdom is invited because the
prince is looking for a bride.
The way it works is that in the evening
of each day of the festival, there will
be an enormous ball where the prince
will dance with the young ladies of
the kingdom to try and find a bride.
Vector: Question, what kind of
enormous ball are we talking about?
Like a beach ball or… I'm confused.
Spark: He means like a dance party
ball, not a bouncy ball, Vector.
Griffin: Yeah, a ball is like
a huge party with dancing.
Vector: I knew that.
Griffin: Mm-hmm.
Anyway, everyone in the
kingdom wants to go.
This is the coolest party
anyone has ever heard of.
Plus, if you're a girl, there's
a chance to become the princess.
Not surprisingly, the stepsisters
are freaking out, they're so excited.
And because they're horrible, they make
Cinderella wash and iron their dresses,
polish their shoes, and do their hair.
Even though Cinderella doesn't like
being bossed around, she's such
a kind-hearted person that she's
happy to help her stepsisters.
She's also really talented, so by
the time she's done getting them
ready, they both look amazing.
There's just one problem.
Cinderella also really wants to go to
the ball, so she begs her stepmother,
"Please, stepmother, can't I go? I won't
be any bother." But of course, the wicked
stepmother does not want that to happen.
She knows Cinderella is too beautiful, not
to mention smart and kind and charming.
Her daughters won't have a chance if
Cinderella is there, so she hatches
an evil and totally random plan.
As Cinderella watches, she grabs
a big bowl of lentils, dumps them
into the ashes of the fireplace,
and says, " sort out these lentils.
You have to pick them out of
the ashes and separate the whole
ones from the bits and pieces.
If you can do that in less
than an hour, you can come."
Vector: Calculating, I would estimate
a large bowl contains sixty-seven
thousand and eighty-nine lentils.
An average human with their lame hands
and inferior processing capabilities
would take twenty-seven point
five hours of continuous sorting.
This task is impossible.
Spark: That's so mean.
And also, who has that many
lentils just lying around?
This lady has problems.
Griffin: She does.
That's too many lentils.
And also, she's totally evil.
But anyway, the stepmother leaves
with a nasty smirk on her face.
She knows Cinderella will fail.
But as soon as she's gone, Cinderella
calls out the window, " Come little
birds, help me sort the good lentils
from the bad and put them in the bowl."
And a whole flock of birds flies in
through the window and starts sorting
the lentils faster than you can imagine.
They easily finish in under an hour.
Vector: Is Marge the
fairy god pigeon there?
Griffin: Strangely enough, no.
These are different birds.
Spark: That's kind of weird, but fine.
Griffin: Yeah, for some reason Cinderella
is like totally the bird queen.
They absolutely love her.
And with the job done, Cinderella
calls out to the stepmother
to show her what she's done.
But when she arrives, the stepmother
scowls and dumps out two bowls of
lentils and says, "Do it again. This
time you have thirty minutes." So
again, Cinderella calls to the birds.
This time an even bigger flock
arrives and gets the sorting
done in just a few minutes.
When Cinderella calls her stepmother
back into the room, she's astonished to
see all the lentils perfectly sorted.
At this point, she knows her
evil trick is not going to work.
As far as she's concerned, Cinderella
must be the greatest lentil
sorter the world has ever known.
So, glancing at the clock,
she switches her tactics.
"Hmm, well you still can't come.
You have nothing to wear,
your hair is dirty, and you
don't even know how to dance.
People would laugh at you.
Anyway, my, look at the time.
It's getting late.
We need to go.
Goodbye." And with that, she grabs
her daughters by their wrists, rushes
out, and slams the door behind them.
Spark: Rude.
And where's the dad in all this?
Griffin: Oh yeah, don't forget.
He's totally useless.
Vector: He is probably
busy picking his nose.
Humans enjoy this pastime.
Griffin: Normally I'd say you're wrong,
but in this case, you might be right.
This guy totally might be a nose picker.
But moving on, as soon as the
stepmother and stepsisters are gone,
Cinderella runs to the hazel tree and
says, shake and shiver, little tree,
throw gold and silver down on me."
And right away, Marge, the fairy
god pigeon, lays a magical egg.
Vector, the eggs do not make
fart sounds when they fall.
Vector: That actually wasn't me.
Spark: Sorry, I had to do it!
Griffin: Spark, we already went over this.
You're supposed to be the mature one.
Anyway, when the eggs break open, out
pops a gorgeous silver and gold dress and
slippers embroidered with silk and silver.
Spark: Oh yeah, she's gonna slay.
Griffin: Yes, she is.
And by the way, she
does know how to dance.
So she puts on clothes, brushes
her hair, and heads to the ball.
She looks amazing.
She looks so amazing that
nobody recognizes her.
The crowd falls silent when she
walks in, and people whisper
excitedly when she walks by.
Everyone assumes she's
some foreign princess.
Of course, the prince
notices her right away.
He comes over, introduces
himself, and invites her to dance.
He's so charmed by Cinderella that he
doesn't speak or dance with anyone else.
He and Cinderella spend the whole
night together, dancing and laughing
and really getting to know each other.
Cinderella is having the best night of
her life, but deep down she's nervous.
She's worried that the prince might
not love her if he knows who she
really is, and she's worried about
what her stepmother and stepsisters
might do if they realize it's her.
They could lock her in her room.
So even though the prince is desperate
to know who she is, she decides
to keep her identity a secret.
She never tells him.
Well, after hours and hours of
dancing, Cinderella is tired.
Finally, she tells the
prince she wants to go home.
Although he's sad that the night is
over, he offers to walk her home.
First, because he's a gentleman,
and second, because he figures
if he finds out where she lives,
he can figure out who she is.
But Cinderella's too clever for all that.
She slips away from him and hides,
and by the time her family gets home,
she's back in her ashy rags by the
fireplace like nothing happened.
" I've just been here the whole
time in my ashy rags, definitely
not dancing at the ball.
Uh, how, how was it anyway?"
Cinderella asks the stepsisters.
They gush and rave about the beautiful
foreign princess who stole the show, and
then they turn on their heels and leave
Cinderella to sleep on the stone floor.
Well, the next evening,
Cinderella does the same thing.
This time, Marge the fairy god
pigeon drops a new dress even
more beautiful than the last.
Cinderella goes to the ball,
blows everyone away, dances with
the prince all night, and then
slips away at the last minute.
But on the third night,
the prince has a plan.
He's smeared the whole staircase
with super sticky black tar.
Spark: That's his plan?
Get the beautiful princess
stuck on the stairs with tar?
Vector: It would be more efficient
to trap her with a cage made of
lasers or a swarm of robot drones.
Griffin: Well, I think he was working with
what he had, and he's getting desperate.
This is the last night of the festival,
and he still has no idea who she is.
Anyway, his crazy plan kinda sorta works.
The tar doesn't stop Cinderella, but
it does pull off her left slipper
as she dashes down the stairs.
She keeps running and escapes,
but now the prince at least has
her tiny, beautiful slipper.
It's so small he knows it's unlikely to
fit anyone but the woman of his dreams.
Spark: The glass slipper!
Griffin: Ooh, yeah.
That's actually from an even
earlier version of the story.
In this version, it's gold, but same idea.
He's got one shoe and no girl.
So the prince announces, "I will
only marry the woman whose
foot fits in this slipper."
So he goes house to house, eventually
arriving at Cinderella's home.
While the stepmother tells Cinderella
to stay in her ashy quarters, the two
stepsisters greet the prince eagerly.
The prince hands the slipper to the
first stepsister, and she goes into
another room to try it on, but her
big toe is just a little too big.
It won't fit.
So the wicked stepmother says, "Hmm,
you don't really need that toe.
Besides, when you're queen, you
won't need to walk anywhere anyway."
The stepsister pauses for a moment,
decides her mother is right,
and she pops her toe right off.
Spark: Um, she just pops her toe off?
Can humans do that?
Doesn't that hurt?
Griffin: Probably, but she does it
and walks proudly back into the room.
The prince takes one look at her, and
before he can even realize that this
is totally not the same girl whose
eyes he's been staring into for three
nights in a row, he sweeps her off
her feet, puts her on his horse,
and begins riding towards his castle.
Spark: Come on, dude.
Griffin: Yes.
This is not the prince's finest work.
But luckily, he has to ride past
the hazel tree on the way home, and
sitting in that tree is Marge, the
fairy godpigeon, and another bird.
Vector: Billy.
Griffin: What?
Vector: Let's call him Billy.
Griffin: Okay, fine.
Marge the fairy god pigeon and Billy call
out, " Silly you, look in that shoe.
It's way too tight, cause this bride's
not right." So the prince asks the
stepsister to remove the shoe, and
he sees what she's done to her toe.
Disappointed and a little
freaked out, he brings her home.
And when he gets there, the second
stepsister tries the same shenanigans.
Her foot is ever so slightly too big,
so she just shaves a bit off her heel.
Spark: She just shaves it right off?
Griffin: She just shaves it right off.
Then she walks back out into the room,
and the prince, having learned absolutely
nothing from the insane thing that
happened moments before, sweeps her
off her feet, puts her on his horse,
and rides off towards the palace.
Luckily, Marge and Billy are still
hanging around and once again call
out, "Silly you, look in the shoe.
It's way too tight 'cause this bride's
not right." The prince is shocked.
He can't believe he's been tricked again.
Spark: Well, that's on you, buddy.
I'm starting to think he might not
be the brightest crayon in the box.
Vector: Yes, he would be the worst
color, like manatee or asparagus.
Griffin: Hey, I like manatee.
Vector: Lame.
Griffin: So anyway, the prince brings
stepsister number two back and asks,
" Don't you have any other daughters?"
He turns to the father and says, "You,
I thought you had another daughter.
Do you not?" And the useless
father says, "Who, who me?
I I, well, there's Cinderella,
but she couldn't possibly
be the girl you're after."
Vector: He is not just useless,
he is also a terrible person.
Spark: Hey, that's what I was gonna say.
Weird when we're on the same page.
Griffin: It is weird,
but you're both right.
Anyway, the useless and terrible
dad has said as much as he can
think of, so the wicked stepmother
jumps in and says, "No, Cinderella's
just a dirty little kitchen girl,
and she's all deformed.
There's no way she's the
one." But the prince, to his
credit, insists on seeing her.
So Cinderella washes her hands and face,
comes out, and tries on the slipper.
Of course, it slides on perfectly.
Spark: Yes.
In your faces, evil family.
Vector: You go, girl!
Griffin: The prince, learning from his
mistakes, looks deeply into her eyes.
In an instant, he knows it's the
beautiful girl from the festival.
With his hands holding hers, he
whispers, "You are my one true
bride. Come, let's get away from this
miserable place." Cinderella agrees,
and he sweeps her off her feet onto
his horse and past the hazel tree.
As they thunder by, Marge and Billy
call out, " You're finally right.
That shoe's not tight.
You blew it twice, but your third
try's nice." " That… seems a
little rude," thought the prince as
they galloped towards the palace.
Spark: Serves you right, you big dummy.
But I love you anyway.
The end, right?
Now they live happily ever after?
Griffin: Almost.
In just a few days, Cinderella and
the prince have a fabulous wedding.
And because Cinderella is pretty
much the nicest person ever, she
invites her family, even though
they are clearly evil and horrible.
And sensing an opportunity to get
rich by pretending to like Cinderella,
the two stepsisters actually show up.
Spark: They've got a
lot of nerve, those two.
Griffin: Big nerve.
But as they walk into the wedding,
Marge and Billy swoop down and…
Spark: And what?
Griffin: Well, let's just
say that afterwards, the
stepsisters can't see anymore.
Vector: Oh my goodness, the
birds poop in their eyes.
Griffin: What?
Uh, well, in the original story,
the birds peck out their eyes.
But let's go with your version.
The birds poop in their eyes
so much that they become blind.
Spark: Go Marge and Billy!
The ultimate revenge.
Griffin: Yeah, it sure is.
And so, Cinderella and the
prince live happily ever after.
The end.
Spark: Whoa, really?
Vector: That is awesome.
Spark: I love that one.
Quick question though, what's up
with all the birds in this story?
Griffin: Back in the old days,
birds were considered a symbol
for things that are heavenly.
Vector: I get it.
So good humans can talk to magical birds,
and bad humans get poop in their eyes.
Griffin: You got it, Vector.
Good job.
Spark: Don't encourage him.
Griffin: Come back for the next
episode where you'll hear the real
story of Aladdin and his magic lamp.
This one is wild.
Did you know there are
actually two genies?
Plus teleporting castles, baseball-sized
jewels, and some extremely evil magicians.
Spark: With terrible facial hair.
Vector: All evil magicians
have to have bad facial hair.
It's the law.
Griffin: To make sure you don't
miss it, hit follow wherever you're
listening, and the next episode of
Stories for Robots will automatically
drop into your feed next week.
Spark: Yeah, and don't forget to
share the show with your friends.
Vector: Yes, post about it in your
Reddit community for bowling nerds,
or knit a Stories for Robots tapestry
for your local community center, or
other normal human means of sharing.
Spark: And give us a five-star
rating on Spotify or Apple.
It helps other families find us.
Griffin: Stories for Robots
was created, performed, and
produced by me, Griffin Schwed.
Special thanks to Jack, Chloe,
and Annie Farber for editorial
consultation and moral support.
If you'd like to support or
learn more about the show,
visit www.storiesforrobots.com.
Email hello@storiesforrobots.com
if you have any questions,
feedback, or ideas for the show.
I'd love to hear from you.
Spark: Vector, did you
ever have a nickname?
Vector: Of course, many robots
call me Dr. McCool the Fabulous.
Griffin: How come that sounds like a lie?
Spark: Yeah.
Vector: It's not.
That's just what they call me.
Also Metallicus the Brave.
Spark: Name one person or
robot who calls you that.
Vector: Easy
Spanky, Flipper, Casper
Milky, Pothole, Juniper…
Robot disclosure.
My voice and Spark's voice
are given a beautiful robot
makeover using AI technology.
That is why we sound so cool and good.
Spark: We really do.
Oh, and the background music
was also created using AI tech.