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The Pressure Lab is a first-of-its-kind mental fitness podcast built specifically for competitive and youth soccer players navigating the real emotional demands of the game.
This weekly podcast from HEADFIRST, a Philadelphia Union Foundation initiative, is hosted by Keith Wilford who gets into the realities of being a young athlete today. Featuring conversations with pro athletes, coaches, mental health professionals, and youth development experts, each episode is an honest conversations about pressure, identity, confidence, failure, burnout, belonging, and the emotional weight competition can put on you.
No highlight reels. No empty hype. Just real stories, real insight, and practical tools for players and the people around them.
If you’ve ever felt the game get bigger than the field, The Pressure Lab was made for you.
About HeadFirst: HEADFIRST is a mental fitness initiative of the Philadelphia Union Foundation designed to equip young athletes with the tools, language, and mindset to perform under pressure and grow through everything sport puts them through. HEADFIRST is proudly sponsored by Independence Blue Cross and Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine. More information at www.myHEADFIRST.org
About the Philadelphia Union Foundation The Philadelphia Union Foundation is a 501(c)3 nonprofit, dedicated to creating opportunity, building community, and developing the next generation of athletes and leaders through soccer and education-based programming in Chester, Pennsylvania and the surrounding region. More information at www.philadelphiaunionfoundation.org
About Our Host: Keith Wilford is a Mental Health and Wellness Educator at YSC Academy and founder of The Wilford Movement. A Widener University All-American and MA in Counseling Education, Keith has spent his career at the intersection of sport, education, and youth development. He is a national leader in student development and has coached and counseled student athletes at some of the most competitive academic and athletic programs in the country.
Tag In here: https://forms.gle/VLBmyLFjVmbtZxBb6. In a few honest words, tag in with the heart of why you’re here: why you play, why you coach, why you care, why you support someone you love in sport. Share your moment and add your voice to a space that puts every player’s whole self first.
(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Going through my injury allowed me to rebuild
my gratefulness, I think, and to step in
to each day, to each session, with so
much gratitude that I get to do this,
that it's a privilege to be able to
be in the position that I am.
Step into the Pressure Lab, brought to you
by Headfirst, the Philadelphia Union Foundation's Mental Health
Initiative.
Here, we believe mental fitness is as important
as physical fitness.
You train your body every day.
This is where you train your mind.
The pressure, the doubt, the setbacks, they're all
part of the game.
But what you do with it, that's the
skill.
Welcome back to the Pressure Lab.
Today's guest is Ben Bender, the number one
overall pick in the 2022 MLS Superdraft.
Ben has experienced almost every side of what
it means to chase a dream as an
athlete from a young age.
He spent time in the Philadelphia Union Academy,
started at the University of Maryland, and then
heard his name called first in the overall
draft by Charlotte FC in 2022.
From the outside, his path looked set, but
after a major knee injury, the start of
his professional career did not go the way
any athlete would plan.
What followed were setbacks, recovery, the challenge of
rebuilding not only physically but mentally, too.
Now with the Philadelphia Union, Ben joins us
to talk about resilience, confidence, identity, and what
it takes to keep moving forward when life
doesn't go according to plan.
Ben, I want to thank you to the
Pressure Lab podcast, brother.
Thanks for having me, Keith.
It's good to be here.
Before every episode, we sort of have this
process called tagging in, and so tagging in
is this way where we're going to show
up fully for each other in this conversation
to feel some things, feel some emotions, take
us back to some of the things that
you have experienced, some things that we can
probably connect and relate on.
So as I sit here with you, I
think my tag in is that it's really
eye-opening and to hear your story and
sort of what you have experienced at such
a young age.
Having played lacrosse, I've had success, but I
never had the success that you had at
such a young age to be considered a
pro at this point in time.
And so I'm humbled, but also have a
tremendous amount of gratitude to hear your words.
And I know that our audience is looking
forward to it as well.
I'm looking forward to sharing my story with
you as well.
Like you said, there's a lot of setbacks.
And yeah, going through adversity really helps you
become, you know, a stronger person.
And so I think it'd be cool to
talk about some of my experiences, and I'm
sure we can relate.
No doubt, though, when did you start playing,
like sort of, you know, start playing and
realize that this is sort of what you
wanted to do?
Yeah, when I was four years old, that's,
those are the earliest memories I have.
Playing soccer with my two older brothers.
I have two older brothers that are five
and six years older than me.
For as long as I can remember, I
was chasing them around in the backyard.
I remember watching Premier League games with my
dad on weekends, watching Wayne Rooney, Christiana Ronaldo,
and yeah, just wanting to become a professional.
And yeah, those were my first experiences as
a kid.
Did you have other influence or inspirations that
were not necessarily soccer related that made you
want to like sort of pursue this pathway
or this journey that you decided to set
on?
Like, when did you realize that, you know,
I'm pretty good at this?
Yeah, I think when I was probably getting
into my teens, I would say it got
to be a little bit more serious.
There were a couple tournaments that I played
in that allowed me to take different opportunities.
There was a tournament in the States that
was called the Tottenham Hotspur America Cup, and
there were scouts there and they were picking
some of the best players in that tournament
to go over and train with Tottenham Hotspur,
who is a Premier League team.
And yeah, I think it was kind of
at that moment where, you know, I saw,
you know, this whole world of soccer unfolding
in my eyes and I'm like, wow, like
these guys over here in Europe are just
playing on a different level, and this is
what it's going to take to, you know,
play at this level.
Like, these guys are faster, like they're quicker
than me, they're smarter than me.
But I had some talent as well, and
I knew I could, you know, keep up
with them at the same time.
And so my pathway was different than some
people's.
But yeah, I think going into my teens
was really how, you know, I realized that,
you know, this could actually be a possibility
one day.
Yeah, this idea of hardship, highlight and hero.
And, you know, when you think about that
support system and the heroes of your life,
like who has inspired you along the way?
Definitely my dad from a young age.
He's he definitely instilled the passion of the
game for me.
It's pretty funny.
He up until 14, he was really, really
hard on me.
And then a flip of the switch kind
of happened, and it was kind of like
he he he took hands off and he
was like, OK, if you're going to pursue
this, you know, go for it now.
And he's still critical of my game sometimes,
but I think he did it in a
really, you know, special way to where, like,
if now that I'm 14, I'm getting a
little bit older, you know, I'm on my
own a little bit more, like, if I'm
going to pursue this, then, you know, I'm
I'm the one that's going to have to
put in the work and everything.
And it didn't feel at all forced, you
know, after I was, you know, 14 and
go into the academy and I was on
my own a little bit.
So I think he was one of my
heroes for sure.
Growing up, you know, he instilled all that
passion in me.
And then I would say my two older
brothers, just the fact that I got to
play so much with them growing up in
the backyard, you know, battling one V ones,
getting beat up by them, learning how to
be stronger, training individually with them.
So many hours on, you know, a local
field by our house that we would go
out and shoot and just be there for,
you know, so long.
And, you know, I I look back and
wish I could do that again with them.
It was such a special time training with
them.
And I think those are the moments that
really prepare you and set you apart from
from other players is those those times with
your family, because a lot of unique people
out there in different styles.
So pretty cool.
Have you ever had maybe have you gone
back into the backyard and have you done
that at times yet as a pro?
Earlier on, about two years ago, I went
back.
I mean, I visit my parents not frequently,
but as much as I can get down
there to Baltimore, Maryland.
But yeah, I've been back there with my
brothers and we've we've kicked the ball around
around, you know, the yard.
And we played croquet the other day.
And we're just reminiscing of the times that
we we used to spend with one another.
So it's pretty special.
Absolutely.
You know, people talk about like, you know,
the being the guy, you know, sort of
in the sport that you play and and
obviously that was you being a first round
draft pick and coming out of Maryland and
expectations.
And so when you got drafted.
Was there pressure that you felt on yourself
instantly?
Did you sort of know going into it?
Like, what was the I mean, I don't
know how many people have the opportunity to
be a first round draft pick.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, it was it happened so fast, honestly,
it was, you know, things were going well
during the season, but I wasn't really expecting
to be super high on the draft list.
I was surprised to go number one overall
with how everything unfolded.
The timing of Charlotte being a new team
in 2022.
And, yeah, just the fact that they placed
their trust in me.
A guy that's a sophomore and a local
guy from Maryland.
But I mean, with the season that I
had looking back like.
I think maybe I should have had more
confidence that like, OK, yeah, like they should
pick me.
Yeah.
So now, you know, you're drafted first.
You're so grounded.
Did you feel anything changing yourself being a
first round draft pick?
Not really, I.
Honestly, I feel like the first five months
after being drafted was like a dream like.
It I didn't feel much pressure.
I think I was just playing off of
instinct the whole time.
Like things were going.
So easily for me, like I couldn't I
really wasn't expecting it because, you know, when
I got there, like I'm a younger guy,
like I'm thinking I'm going to have to
really fight for a spot like and, you
know, things aren't going to come easy for
me.
And then, yeah, I'm a I'm a sub
the first game and with 70,000 fans
and I hit the post and then the
next game, our next home game, I get
a goal and an assist in front of
30 or 40,000.
And I had just been playing, you know,
high school and college with under, you know,
with 5000 max fans.
And then it's like everyone's coming to these
games to watch us play.
And, yeah, honestly, I wasn't really thinking about
it.
And, yeah, things were going really, really smoothly.
So smoothly, we say smoothly and then all
of a sudden.
Yeah, tell us.
So you've been so honest about your whole
journey so far.
And, you know, most.
Myself, like most athletes don't know how to
handle or process that first injury.
And that was something that you started off
with.
So I'm curious if you can give, you
know, the visual and sort of tell us
what took place, as you I would imagine
suffered your first real significant injury.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
So the first five months were really easy,
like I said.
And then it was about a we had
a coaching change and then I was in
and out of the lineup and then it
was 2023 and things were going really, really
well at that time.
I started five games in a row.
You know, I was feeling really fit, really
energized, was getting a couple of goals.
And then, yeah, all of a sudden it
really hit me like I got that injury.
I had a couple of opportunities at the
time, like a pre-Olympic camp with U23
national team.
And looking back at that time, I think
I was taking these opportunities for granted and
really, you know, when I look back, I
wish I was more grateful for the good
times that I had on the field.
And if I could go back, you know,
I would have been more grateful before the
games.
You know, the fact that I'm starting like
every single person that's at, you know, every
kid that's at this game wants your spot
like so many people would give so much
to be in your position.
And so, yeah, going through that injury, I
think it was a it was a meniscus
root injury, which was a little bit of
a strange injury for a soccer player.
And that put me out about seven to
eight months.
And the road to recovery was more difficult
than I expected and more difficult than the
trainers had expected.
And so, yeah, I think going through that
that period, I reflected a lot.
And yeah, like I said, I'll go back
to the gratitude part.
Like now, I think I play with so
much thankfulness in my heart every time I
go out there.
When it when it happened, what was sort
of the first sort of your first reaction
to it?
It starts to hit you during the two
to three to four months where you are
still in the gym and, you know, preseason
has started for the guys and you don't
get to be with them.
And yeah, over time, it kind of eats
you up because you see yourself as the
player that you were before the injury.
And then when you don't get to that
level again and you have your, you know,
identity wrapped up in that player before the
injury, it really eats you up inside.
And so those are the things that you're
battling each and every day.
And as competitive athletes as we are, you
know, every pro athlete wants to be at
the top.
And when you're not there and when you
have, you know, had success before, you know,
it eats your mind away.
And so those are the things that you
battle and adversity you go through and you
have to to find a way to get
through that and to overcome it.
And I think a lot of young athletes
are afraid to talk about the idea of
sport and identity.
And because it's almost like if if if
I'm not this, then what am I?
And what knowing what your relationship has been
with soccer and with sport and success.
How did this injury challenge your identity?
Yeah, when when you play, you know, from
four years old and then you achieve your
dream of being a pro and then you
set even higher standards for yourself.
And when you meet some of those standards,
but you don't achieve the bigger goals because
of a setback, then you feel like the
world has ended.
And because you play every day and this
is this is what you do.
This is what your job is.
Your identity is taken away.
I think looking back, a success could be
from from my injury is that there's the
fact that I gave my everything, you know,
trying to get back on the field as
soon as possible.
Sleeping right, eating right, doing, you know, controlling
the things that you can control, even though
you're not on the field.
And so, yeah, your identity can be shaken
for sure.
But it's the mentality and the grit, the
desire to get back to where you were
and to prove that, you know, each and
every day I'm going to wake up and
overcome this, you know, these negative thoughts, even
though it's hard, even though you can't be
out there on the field with your teammates,
even though you can't be out there getting
better in certain ways, you can get better
in in the little ways, you know, in
the gym and doing other little details.
This podcast is powered by Headfirst, a program
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coaches navigating the mental side of the sport.
And if you want something tangible, something your
athlete can carry with them to every practice
and every game, request a Headfirst bag tag.
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to any soccer bag and links directly to
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It's a symbol, a reminder and a connector
all in one.
Request yours at myheadfirst.org.
Coaches and clubs reach out to us directly
and we'll send a full package for your
entire team.
You know, when you have success, you're you're
being affirmed constantly.
For sure.
You know, it's a first round draft pick
and so many things have gone your way.
And I'm wondering if if you felt any
of that.
Like, did you have really challenging days where
you're like, I don't know if I'm going
to come out of this?
Yeah, for sure.
I think every day you wake up, those
thoughts come into your mind.
You have to surround yourself with the right
people that can, yeah, speak life into you.
And I think that's what I tried to
do to to help me get through those
tough times.
I like that speak life into you.
You know, I think it speaks vibes when
you say that, I think.
When you say speak life into you.
Can you elaborate a little bit further about
when you say that, what that means?
You know, whether it's your friends or your
family.
Spending quality time with you.
Talking about things outside of the game that
you enjoy doing.
Talking about who you are as a person,
your character.
And, yeah, I think I think my family
was able to to come around me and
do that at that time.
They were able to to encourage positive reinforcement,
for sure.
And encourage me, you know, for for who
I am as a person.
And that's hard because I want them to
encourage me for who I am on the
field.
But I think that builds character that when
you go through those trials, it builds perseverance
and it builds even stronger faith.
And when you get tested and when you
when you go through those things, that perseverance
becomes like a fire inside of you.
And so I think those are the ways
my family and my wife and friends came
around me during those those tough times.
What helped you inspired like, how are you
able?
How are you able to see something without
knowing?
With the level of uncertainty without knowing what
the outcome was going to be like?
What are you going to tell that 14
year old who just has this growth plate
issue that keeps manifesting as some continuous injury
that they just are like, I don't know
if I can even do this anymore.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
Because it really this this past week has
hit me different in terms of, you know,
playing a bigger role on the field and
scoring a goal for my team.
Because I've actually had those thoughts up until
this week, because it's been it's been about
three years since my major injury.
And I was expecting to bounce back in
eight months and be that same guy who
I knew myself, you know, on the field
before my injury.
And so what drives me during those tough
times is I have a goal in mind.
I want to provide for my family in
the future.
Like, that's something that, you know, I really
want to do.
And I think when when you say someone
who has growth plate injuries or someone has
a reoccurring injury, I still feel pain from
my surgery, you know, in some way.
And there's little exercises that I've learned to
to make sure that I do before I
go out.
Simple things, simple exercises like Nordics, like you're
definitely familiar with.
And that's something that I had to implement
in my training.
And so there's things that you learn that,
you know, you're not just stuck in the
water and, you know, you can't get out
of this.
You can you can figure out certain ways
to, you know, battle against the pain that
you have.
And so I've learned I've learned, yeah, like
doing Nordics, doing different stretches, like you just
have to you have to up your your
rehab.
You have to up your prehab.
And and, yeah, I think, you know, you
can get through it.
You know, youth sports and it's it's it's
so massive now.
So whether or not across all sports where
people are moving 100 miles per hour.
Not many people are still and obviously going
through an injury for, you know, seven, eight
months of going through rehab.
There's a lot of moments where you're sort
of by yourself and you're quiet and you're
still, you know, what were some of the
things that you needed to hear from your
coaches or from people around you that kept
you inspired?
Like, what are some of the things and
even even when you're not injured, like what
are some of the things that you need
to hear right now to keep you putting
one foot in front of the other?
I think it's important not to look too
far into the future.
I think that's something that I did when
I was injured.
And when you look into the future and
you worry about something that hasn't happened and
you you envision, you know, something like, for
example, I envision myself not being able to
get back and and sprint like I used
to be able to because of having too
much pain or, you know, just worrying about
what's what's going to happen.
And I think I needed to hear that
from my family, especially that, look, you need
to stop worrying about eight months from now.
Right now, you need to focus on being
able to walk, being able to jog, so
to control the things that you can control.
So they were really helpful in just telling
me to stop looking so far into the
future.
You can't control that and take it day
by day.
Take take small steps, control what you can
control and believe in your abilities to get
back and and see where it goes from
there.
Did anything ever deter you?
Did anybody ever say anything that sort of
sort of kept you off track where you
sort of felt like I didn't need to
hear that?
That's an interesting one.
I like that question.
One of the the captains actually at Charlotte
where I was playing after I had gotten
the injury and I told him I can't
remember if it was before my surgery or
after my surgery and he looked at me
and saw how bad shape my leg was
in after the surgery.
And he made a comment and he said
it's going to be tough to get back
to where you were.
And then he made a comment after that
and said even the best ones have a
tough time, meaning the players in the Premier
League, the players in La Liga, the players
at the top, that you would think being
out that long and they have that pedigree
that they would step right back into their
spot.
And so the comment was kind of like,
I took it as, okay, I'm not a
big player.
And so my career is going to be
in the dumps because I'm not one of
those big players that he was referring to.
So it was like I felt like I
was being written off a little bit.
And so at that time, it was even
more frustrating to hear that because I couldn't
control the injury.
And so I had to battle little things
like that as well.
Is there anything that you would offer up
for someone that may be experiencing that where
they have their own self-doubt already and
maybe somebody else is affirming their self-doubt?
Maybe a couple of things out there that
maybe there are some helpful tools or things
that you believe that maybe you'd help to
sort of get through those moments.
Yeah, another thing that I can think about
is when I was talking with my dad
through the injury and how he would always
say, make sure you don't re-injure it
and make sure you don't come back too
fast.
And so that was always in the back
of my mind as well during the recovery
processes.
Make sure you're pushing the boundaries and how
fast you go, but at the same time,
don't do something that's going to re-injure
you and set you back.
And so I guess my encouragement to someone
who's struggling with these doubts and someone who's
affirming these doubts is believe in your recovery
process.
Believe that you can get back to where
you were.
It may not look like there's light at
the end of the tunnel, but I can
say from experience there is.
It's not an easy road.
There's a lot of adversity along the way,
but you can do it.
You can get through it and you can
get stronger through it as well.
You can become a stronger athlete because of
it.
You can build stronger character because of it.
And yeah, so I think there are definitely
positives to take away from injuries for sure.
It builds character.
Ben, I have taken a lot from your
words.
And I know a bunch of young men
that I teach and there was their last
day at school today before playoffs and the
World Cup kick off.
And my hope is that they have the
opportunity to sort of listen to what you
have said in this conversation.
At the end of every conversation, they're different
than at the 40th minute.
And I'm tagging you in for my spot
and there's a tag out.
So I'm sort of decompressing with you.
And I just want to throw something at
you as sort of a final reflection as
you sort of tag out.
As you hear the phrase, you know, rebuilding
your identity after something that is challenging.