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The Pressure Lab is a first-of-its-kind mental fitness podcast built specifically for competitive and youth soccer players navigating the real emotional demands of the game.
This weekly podcast from HEADFIRST, a Philadelphia Union Foundation initiative, is hosted by Keith Wilford who gets into the realities of being a young athlete today. Featuring conversations with pro athletes, coaches, mental health professionals, and youth development experts, each episode is an honest conversations about pressure, identity, confidence, failure, burnout, belonging, and the emotional weight competition can put on you.
No highlight reels. No empty hype. Just real stories, real insight, and practical tools for players and the people around them.
If you’ve ever felt the game get bigger than the field, The Pressure Lab was made for you.
About HeadFirst: HEADFIRST is a mental fitness initiative of the Philadelphia Union Foundation designed to equip young athletes with the tools, language, and mindset to perform under pressure and grow through everything sport puts them through. HEADFIRST is proudly sponsored by Independence Blue Cross and Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine. More information at www.myHEADFIRST.org
About the Philadelphia Union Foundation The Philadelphia Union Foundation is a 501(c)3 nonprofit, dedicated to creating opportunity, building community, and developing the next generation of athletes and leaders through soccer and education-based programming in Chester, Pennsylvania and the surrounding region. More information at www.philadelphiaunionfoundation.org
About Our Host: Keith Wilford is a Mental Health and Wellness Educator at YSC Academy and founder of The Wilford Movement. A Widener University All-American and MA in Counseling Education, Keith has spent his career at the intersection of sport, education, and youth development. He is a national leader in student development and has coached and counseled student athletes at some of the most competitive academic and athletic programs in the country.
Tag In here: https://forms.gle/VLBmyLFjVmbtZxBb6. In a few honest words, tag in with the heart of why you’re here: why you play, why you coach, why you care, why you support someone you love in sport. Share your moment and add your voice to a space that puts every player’s whole self first.
Why do kids bully is the age old question
right?
A large majority of the time
to make themselves feel better?
I know that's simple,
but that's that's the truth.
Step into the pressure Lab,
brought to you by head first
to Philadelphia Union
Foundation's mental health initiative.
Here.
We believe mental fitness is as important
as physical fitness.
You train your body every day.
This is where you train your mind.
The pressure, the doubt, the setbacks.
They're all part of the game.
But what you do with it?
That's the skill.
So I first went to introduce Doctor
Megan Walz,
who is a pediatric psychologist at Nemours
Children's Hospital
and is really just incredible
in just this national thought process.
A leader in public policy advocacy
and mental health in education for youth.
And I was fortunate to hear your TEDx
talk.
And, you know, being a dad myself
and sort of hearing that story,
it's incredibly moving.
And I know that a lot of this topic
will be surrounding this idea
of bullying and social media,
but I also know that I am so curious
about your inspiration
to develop resilient children as well.
So with that, I want to welcome you
and just really cool to hear your story.
So I'm so thankful that you're here.
Well, thanks for having me,
Keith. I'm excited to be here.
I really like the concept of tagging in.
I was we were chatting earlier
and earlier today I was at a field trip
with my 11 year old,
and it was a different kind of day.
And then I'm lucky enough to come here
and have this conversation.
My husband and I are longtime
Philadelphia Union fans.
We have had a season ticket
since the inception of the team,
so someone asked me if I found my way
here, okay?
And I said,
I think my car can drive itself here
at this point, but I'm really excited
to have this conversation
because I think there is so much more.
What I'll say is kind of like
unfettered access to the world
for our adolescents, teens, kids today
around kind of the social media piece
we'll talk about.
And I think the pressures and sort of
how that intertwines with bullying.
But I think it's really important
to have these conversations, because
when I talk to kids and parents about
is social media isn't going away.
It's kind of here to stay.
So, you know, part of,
you know,
being in the athletic space,
a lot of athletes will sort of
post their status,
you know, whether or not it's achievements
with the not, it's,
you know, being caught up on a team.
And, you know, how does an athlete,
while that may not be happening for them,
how do they build their own self-esteem?
Do you able to have that level
of self-worth and value,
regardless of what is happening,
you know, from an achievement
or an outcome standpoint?
I think social media is tough because
there's this constant
influx of the best of the best.
And so, you know,
I want athletes to think about like,
what does what is social media?
What is the concept of it? Why
why did it exist?
Sure, there's connection, but the real
kind of emerging piece is like,
how do we get attention?
How do we get clicks, how do we get likes?
And instead, I want you to think about
how do I build my skills,
how do I connect with people
and how do I use those connections.
So, you know, whether you're,
you know, a 12 year old athlete, sort of,
and you're trying to make it to figure out
how you get into the high school team
or whether you're kind of
the end of high school and figuring out.
Am I going to play in college?
Am I going to not play in college?
What does that mean for me?
I think it's really building this.
This sense of self and this sense of,
you can post your best things.
That's great.
I want people to feel happy.
And in fact,
there is some things that say,
you know, when you post something
that you're really proud of,
it actually does boost you.
And maybe it's just, you know, short term,
but it does.
So I don't I don't want anyone
to be afraid to post their best,
you know, their best hits or their,
you know, I scored in this game
and it looked really cool.
And so I want to post it, but instead
I think it's being able to remember
that kid who posted that thing
also had a really bad game last week.
That kid who posted
that thing had a tough day that day.
But you're only seeing the good.
And so you as the athlete can think like,
oh, I've had good days, I've had good
games, I'm not posting my bad things.
And really to kind of question like,
what are people posting
and why are they posting?
And yes, there are some people
who are more vulnerable.
And I actually think
the mental health space
there are some athletes,
both teens and adults, who are saying
this is a hard day
or this is a hard thing.
But I think
when we're thinking about performance,
whether it's athletics or anything else
teens are doing,
they're all posting their best hits.
And instead we should be getting that true
kind of fulfillment from our connections,
from how we play that game.
How did your how did your coach
talk to you after that game?
Those are the things that we really need
to boast kids up,
but I think it can be both and we don't.
Again, I think it's this
kind of meeting people where they are
and and how does an athlete
make the discern between the reality
of what they are seeing
that's getting all of this attention
and who they are as an individual?
So how does that help or hurt
that young person and their psyche
and their own self-worth and value?
There's a lot of
there's a lot in that question.
So if you're an athlete and you're,
you know,
thinking about that game, that whatever,
but you're also a person.
And so a lot of what we actually talk to
all teens about is like, who are you?
What do you want people to know about you?
Great soccer player,
great basketball player.
Good at singing
one thing on the list, right?
I want you to think about what what can I
what would I want
people to know about me? What?
I want people to know
that I'm a kind person. What?
I want people to know
that I'm a good big brother, right?
Whatever that is.
And it's that mix that actually makes kids
the most resilient
and have the most self-esteem.
It's that, like, I'm really good,
you know, I want you.
I want people to think about, like, I'm
really good at this thing,
and that makes me feel good.
And there's a lot of actual evidence
that says for youth enough,
they are good at a thing
and show expertise in a thing,
and can teach people
a thing for self-esteem.
And also,
I want you to think about the flip
side of that,
which is just because I had a bad game.
Was I a bad person today?
Was I mean today or was I kind today?
Was I a good team leader today?
I might have had a terrible game,
but you might have had a great day
with your team. And they were all like,
thank you so much for lifting us up.
And I think it's that combination
of things we want kids to feel.
And also you can feel bad
because you had a bad game,
or you could have feel bad
because you yelled at your mom, right?
Those were okay.
You're allowed to feel those things,
but how can we build up?
It's that both and we have to figure out
how we're competent, but also like,
what are our values?
What are the things you want people to say
about you when you're not in the room?
Maybe it is that you're
a good soccer player, but my guess is
everyone has more than that,
that they want people to think about them.
How does this young person,
how does this athlete,
how does this young man
or young woman, how do they stay grounded?
How do they allow themselves to say,
I can keep going
regardless of what people say?
I think when any of us
have a, you know, maybe an injury,
maybe something changes and suddenly
you go from, you're the best.
Everyone loves you to like,
no one's paying attention to you.
Feels bad for all of us. Right.
And I want
I want to think about how we can.
Bring in dealing with social media.
So if you're hurt,
let's say you're injured and someone posts
something about you that's not so nice,
and now you're feeling negative
and it kind of starts spiral.
I want you to stop and think,
do I need to look at this?
Is this what I need to be looking at
right now?
Is this helpful to me?
It might be that something else
on social media is helpful to you.
You have fun videos.
You have friends who do other things
that are not involved with that sport.
Go look at what those friends are doing.
Go engage with those friends. Right?
And instead of kind of
getting stuck in the negative,
I think just by asking yourself
that question like, is this helpful to me
and really sitting with it,
is this helpful to me?
It's hard when you're, you know, an adult,
like I said.
So if you're a teenager, it's even harder.
But I think if we all ask ourselves
that question
as we're scrolling through phones, right,
that kind of can be our guiding light.
And sometimes I think we can help prevent.
And if you know,
you're thinking about like, oh,
I am just stuck in this, I think
it prevents it from the continuing spiral.
So it might not stop
you from seeing the first thing
or the second thing,
but it stops kind of this ongoing
negative and brings you back to like,
all right.
No, that did not help me.
All right. You've decided
it doesn't help you. What's next?
All right,
I'm going to go do this other thing.
And I think kind of being able to pivot
is the important thing.
Social media is always going to be here.
I you know, I think when I'm,
when I'm talking to my kids friends
and when I'm talking to you,
like I'm thinking also about
like all these famous people online.
Right.
Like these athletes
who are amazing athletes.
And if you go and read
and they had a bad game
and they posted a picture of
like happy with their teammates, you suck.
You're terrible.
They are professional athletes
and they're still getting that right.
The internet has given people
full permission to be jerks.
And so I want you to think about like,
is this person helpful?
Is this person really meaningful to me?
The other thing
I think is really important for
for us to think about is like,
if you had that bad day
or you had that injury
or whatever is happening is negative,
are the people posting about you
or saying things about you
actually
the important people in your life?
And if they are,
can you take that offline?
Can you find a way to converse with them?
That's I'm going to pick up a phone
and call you.
I'm going to go
kick a ball around with you.
Can we get off of the internet
if it's someone who's meaningful to you?
And if it's not someone who's meaningful
to you, we have to decide.
It's not important enough
to kind of get wrapped into it.
Should we
be paying attention to what people say
at all?
The guy
there has been this thought process
that you should just assume
that people are saying negative things
because of
that is their own personal opinion, and
you can't control their thought process.
And I'm wondering,
is that something that you embrace?
Is that something that you would agree
with?
Or maybe just like, no, you should
absolutely care about what people say.
I think there's this balance, right?
I want I want us to acknowledge like that
there can be
the tough things people are saying about
you and the good things
people are saying about you,
and that while
social media often veers to the bad,
there's there's some good.
We need people's
feedback in our lives. Right?
But I think it comes back to that thing
that I said about, like,
is it an important person in your life
if it's a random stranger on the internet?
No, I don't want you to care about
what they say.
But does it still hurt?
Yeah.
And, you know, we talked a little bit
about screen time and that,
you know, there's this five hours a day,
you know, that you're on your screen
and you're looking at things.
And we know that now you're also thinking
facing this sort of
like online bullying side of things
where we didn't have it before.
And now you're kind of it's in your face
all the time.
And I think, you know,
when we think about bullying, we used to
think about it as like, oh, that kid's
making fun of me in the hallway.
And now when you are all seeing bullying,
it is someone writing a negative comment.
Is someone messaging your friend
about you?
It's all of this
kind of more complicated pieces of it.
And, you know, 20% of youth.
So like, you know, not just athletes,
all all of you, about 20% say,
I've been bullied.
That's one every five kids.
So, you know, I think it's out there.
We know it's out there and it's it's
a, you know, if you're
if you're a teen and you're thinking like,
what do I do with this?
One of the answers is like,
go find a trusted adult.
You're not supposed to deal with this
on your own.
We didn't deal with it on our own
when it happened in school.
Why are you dealing with it on your own?
If it's happening on your screen,
you're trusted.
Adult doesn't have to be your parent
all the time.
This is a hard one for me, right?
I've got a teenage kid and I tell her,
you don't have to come to me.
You have to go to someone.
And it has taken me years
to say those words out loud to her.
But I say, you know, if you are a teenager
and you are sitting listening to this
and you're scrolling
and something terrible happen
and you're like, you know,
I can't tell my mom she's going to be mad.
Go to your coach.
Go to your teacher.
Right? Adults
are supposed to help you through this.
This is the whole point of having adults
who kind of lift you up and lead you.
Should we pay attention to it?
It's impossible
not to, is the real answer.
But can we make decisions about a
if something's hurting us so badly,
we need some help.
Parents, teachers, coaches, and b
if the person is really important to you,
I really do think it's important to make
that personal connection of like, hey,
you and I just sat together at lunch
yesterday.
We went to practice
and you like are talking about me
on someone's Instagram post, like,
that's not cool.
Can we talk about it and then deal with it
there?
Right. Instead of kind
of keeping it in your head?
Because I think the other thing
that's happening is
when when it's bullying in real life,
you're probably like, oh, this sucks,
but I'm going to get through it
because I'm going to go home.
And when it's bullying on your phone,
it feels really isolating.
The instinct for teenagers, the instincts
for you is like, I'm gonna shut it down.
Instead, go talk to someone.
But really, taking yourself
off the internet and into real life
can really help
not feel so isolated in those moments.
Survey team has some.
They have cultures and different dynamics
I'm trying out for this team,
but the team values
and what they do
don't necessarily align with my own.
How does how do they
how do they manage that?
Like how do they decide to still stand up,
but they still want this dream to play.
They still want to feel like
they have a sense of belonging.
I'm curious.
I'm like, I and I know other
people would be really interested.
To hear just your perspective on that.
I think a couple things.
One is if you're in that position
to start, I think you have to think about
this concept of like,
what are my values and what are my goals?
And does this help me get there?
And that's, you know,
whether this team aligns with you,
whether it's they're picking on you online
or it's in person.
Right.
Like you're not doing what we're doing.
So we're we don't like you.
What is your goal?
What is your value
and how are you going to get to that goal?
This is like the first lesson of your life
in this, right?
People have jobs all the time
where they don't lie with the culture
or the people,
and they have to make a decision.
Is this job my dream job?
And I'm going to keep it anyway
and figure this out?
Or is this not the right place for me?
You have to figure out,
is this important enough to me to stay?
And then you have to figure out,
what am I going to do?
What are the skills I can build?
Can I figure out that every day
when I go home from that practice,
I'm gonna have a plan.
I'm going to do a meditation.
I'm going to take my hot shower.
I'm going to wipe it off and keep going.
Right?
Or are you thinking in your head,
I feel worse every single day
that I go to this practice.
And now I'm anxious and now I'm depressed.
And then you have to make
a different decision.
And there isn't one right answer.
And I think people want us to have a magic
bullet, I'll say both youth and parents.
Everyone wants us to just do this thing.
But you can't just do this thing.
You need to really think about it
in alignment with your values
and maybe what your family is willing to
do, right?
Can your family make this easier on you?
Can a parent help you?
Can you talk to the coach?
Is the coach part of the culture
or is the cold separate from the culture?
Right. And who do I have?
Who's in my corner?
You need to find out.
Who are your champions?
Who are your mentors?
And then you need to find out
who are the people?
Who are your cheerleaders?
Who are those coaches who would be willing
to talk to another coach for you?
Who are those adults
who might go to bat for you?
Who are who are your peers?
Who in another room are going to say,
yeah, don't talk about that kid.
He's really cool
and he's great at this sport,
and I cannot have you mess with him
because he can't leave our team.
And to build that, and even as teenagers,
I want you to build like this.
You know, we call it our board of
directors, you know, in big organizations.
But like, who's your board of directors?
Who's going to stand up for you and help
you make these decisions
and to really help you weigh
the pros and cons,
because this is something you have to do
your whole life.
We're going to always have to do this.
There are always going to be bullies.
There are going to be bullies.
From the time you are a kid
to the time you are, you know, in work.
And I think also, if you're
one of those kids who struggles with
just managing that stress,
like all their skills you can do.
Can I, can I look at,
you know, tangibly, I'm
going to get a deep
breathing up on my phone
and I'm going to do that
for ten minutes before practice,
know that I'm going to take a walk
each day for ten minutes.
Whatever it is
I really want you to think about, like,
what are the skills I can build
that helped me deal with my stress now
because the negative, it doesn't go away.
I want I want you to really think about
how do we build those skills,
how do we get people behind us
who can help us?
I'm thinking about that 14 year old
who is sort
of can be overwhelmed by what to do next.
And now, like even on social media,
you have all of the AI influence.
And how how do they simplify?
What is truth versus what is noise.
And obviously the trusted adults
that are also giving them information,
because I'll be honest, there's so many.
There are so many times where I'm like,
I am thinking that I am just tacking
on more information onto their brain,
and I don't want to do that.
And I'm wondering, how did they discern?
How do they decide what is real versus
what isn't?
AI is a whole new thing, but I feel
sort of like I do about social media.
It's not going away.
AI is here to stay.
Let's figure out how to work through it.
If you are scrolling on social media
and you see something that looks fishy,
you got to take a minute and stop, right?
And I want you
to think about these things.
Can I click on this person's profile
and see what else their posting?
Do these things feel right?
What is this person's interest or goal
and these feel like the questions to you?
These feel like questions to me
as an adult.
But ask yourself them anyway, right?
Teach yourself how to be what we call like
social media or AI literate.
If something looks weird to you, it's
probably weird, right?
Go with your gut.
But also really to to have the skill
to be like, you know what?
This looks weird that my friend sent me.
Not only am I not going to follow
this thing, I'm going to tell my friend,
this was an AI video you sent me
because that guy has three hands, right?
And to really start being,
I think, as you know,
you kind of learn these things,
like you can get to be the expert,
which I also think is pretty cool, right?
You're able to look at these things
that maybe adults can't and say,
oh, I actually know that's fake
because I know this creator.
I know this thing because this is
this is not right.
And teaching your friends
and that you all kind of do this together.
And you're right,
there's a lot of misinformation out there.
There's a lot of difficult
to follow things.
But again,
I think the theme I've said here is like,
I want I want you to just go back
and be able to use those skills.
How do we build the skills?
All right, let's figure it out.
Let's read about what AI fakes look like.
Let's then flag those accounts.
Let's tell our friends. And sure,
some of them are funny, right?
I mean, we've all seen these weird
videos online of, like,
the polar bears being cleaned by a hose
and you're like, is that real?
No, but it's fun. Fine.
You can watch the fun things.
But I really want you to think
about, like, is this real?
Do I want to share this
and share this information?
And is there anything in this video,
something that could hurt someone else
or hurt other people?
Because, you know,
I want you to protect yourselves,
but also to kind of help
be those good stewards of social media
and be those good stewards of AI,
and make sure that as kids, you're
the ones they're the ones
who are kind of leading the way here
on a lot of these things.
And so let's make sure that we're kind of,
you know, leading
and and that, again, you go to trusted
adults, trusted other friends.
But I think this is again, here to stay.
We've got to figure
out how to navigate it.
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A lot of this is so heavy.
You know, I'm curious
if you have seen just really cool stories
and what you have seen that has felt
really good and really positive,
and just some really great stories
that have sort of that stand out.
I definitely don't want
the listener to come away feeling
like I can't touch it or and everything,
and just curious about the the beauties
of being able to celebrate who you are.
Yeah, social media is one way
we share ourselves, right?
And you can do that by sharing your
your highs and your successes.
Right? And all those things.
When I think about what I've seen
that I think works really well for kids
and teens, a couple things.
One is, and this is going to sound silly,
but like, keep your account private,
then it's just your friends, right?
Your friends are liking your posts.
They're commenting. You don't need to know
what strangers think.
And the teens who do that seem
to actually do better with social media.
Can I keep my account private?
Can this be my friends?
I wonder what's happening.
Cool. Great.
Know what's happening.
But you know, keep that circle
so that you're not having to hear
that outside influence.
There's also so many cool things youth
have done around using social media
as platforms.
So we talk about mental health
here, right.
But like I have watched students
create amazingly good Instagram pages
and YouTube channels about mental health,
let's talk together about mental health.
And I think, you know,
you should think about as a teen like,
what is my thing I'm interested in?
Can I be a good advocate online?
Can I be the expert online?
Can I kind of share
those things that are positive?
And I think that that is not often
talked about, like you said,
because we're so focused on the negative.
The probably brightest thing
about social media is that it
connects
people who are all over the world.
And you don't have to feel as alone
because you can reach out.
You can find a group you belong to,
you can find similar athletes.
You can find people who are interested
in the same thing as you.
And that's great.
And I want you to do that right.
I want you to have those connections
and to be thoughtful about it,
because if we are thoughtful about it,
I actually think this can be used for
good.
We're going to show you the positive.
We are going to show you the highlights.
And also it's okay
if they're not all highlights.
Sometimes I have a bad day.
That's okay too.
But really having that,
you know, that opportunity,
I think to be sharing good with the world
and connecting with people.
Yeah.
Why do kids actually get bullied?
Why do people go after other people?
How do we support that individual
from being a from from engaging
in that activity?
Why do kids
bully is the age old question right
a large majority of
the time to make themselves feel better?
I know that's simple,
but that's that's the truth.
If you're listening to this. Right.
Like most of the time
a kid is picking on you
to make themselves
feel better about themselves.
And I saw a coach one day talking
about this, and I loved what he said.
He asked his athletes,
if a kid is bullying you,
who has the problem, you or them?
And he said, if I teach you nothing else,
I want you to know it's them.
It's not you, it's them.
And so I want teens to think about that.
If someone's picking on you, it probably
actually doesn't have much to do with you.
It probably has to do with them
or what happened at home,
or what happened in school that day,
or general sense of feeling,
that kind of insecurity.
But any kid can be a bully.
Any adult can be a bully in that moment.
If you feel bad and insecure and kind of
trapped in a corner, do you lash out?
And so if you're the person being bullied,
you know, thinking about like, okay,
they probably had something going
on, it doesn't mean it's okay.
You should go talk to an adult.
You should talk to your friends.
Get yourself out of the situation.
But understanding like this
probably isn't about me.
This is probably about you.
There's obviously stigmas to
to to advocate for yourself
when you're in those moments.
How do you navigate that? Yeah.
So you do it in a couple of ways.
One is I like to think about how we deal
with bullying or how we deal with teasing
or any of those things
as a more proactive than reactive.
The way those things won't bother you
as much as if you have a group of friends,
if you have people
who will stand up for you.
If you find where you fit
in, it doesn't bother you as much.
And I know that sounds silly,
but I think you really need
to think about that as as a teen.
Like, how do I bolster myself?
So this just won't affect me as much
because it's
probably going to happen at some point.
And then I think, you know, secondarily,
it's it's
sort of thinking about how do we
how do we respond when it happens
and if we're afraid to
stand up for ourselves,
what does that look like?
So can you.
Again, I know this sounds repetitive, like
can you find a trusted
adult to talk to about it?
And if you can't, what else could you do?
Can you get out of the situation?
Can you pivot in a different way?
Sometimes it is speaking up for yourself,
right?
Other times it's harder and that's okay.
And that's what I want you to hear, right?
It's okay if you're not like,
I'm going to go and yell at that bully
and I'm going to slap them down
and they're not going to do this anymore.
Like, that's okay.
To feel like no way out of my range,
you know, instead, like,
I'm going to ignore them
and go hang with my friends.
I'm going to go to my practice today.
I'm going to go talk to my dad
about it tonight, whatever it might be.
Just shifting
that thought process of like,
I don't I don't have to own this myself.
Is that like in the same
spirit of
it only harms me if I allow it to harm me.
Like this whole idea that the more
that we think about it, it becomes
something that is a repetitive feeling
and a repetitive sensation.
There's a balance to me.
So if you're someone
who has gotten bullied or picked on a lot
and someone says to you like it
will only harm you if you let it, right,
that feels hard. Yeah.
And it feels defeating.
And so I want there to be this mix of,
yeah,
we can't let it hurt us every time.
And if it's a person
we really don't care about
and we don't like again,
just like on social media.
Reflect, is this person important to me?
Does this person impact my social status?
Right. Because that happens to you.
It might not be a person important to you,
but does that impact your status?
And then
being able
to think, you know what, it's
okay that I'm really hurt by this.
Someone made a comment about me
that was personal.
Like, that's okay.
It hurts you.
Do you carry it with you or not?
It depends how you cope with it.
Do you have people you can trust?
Do you know how to take that deep
breath and take a walk?
Are you someone who says, you know what,
I actually have to work out to feel better
after these things happen?
Find your coping skills.
But it's okay
to feel hurt by these things.
As an adult,
I would feel hurt by these things.
So as you know, a kid, like,
of course you're hurt by these things.
And I think there's this balance.
Like,
you don't want to let it build up on you
so much that you can't you can't function,
but you also need to let yourself
feel those feelings.
If we don't feel the feelings and kind of
hold it in, then kids have a harder time.
You know, you can say down the line like,
oh man, this is still weighing on me
three years later
that that kid said that thing versus like,
I'm going to cope with it.
I'm going to deal with it.
I'm going to scream about it.
I'm going to cry about it,
but then I'm going to move on from it.
Why would this young
person not want to tell anybody?
Why do we all not want
to tell people things?
Right.
So if you are I'm just using simple.
If you got cut from a team and I make
the team right, you're cut from a team.
Now you're trying
to figure out your next group.
Am I going to join this friend group
that's still on the team?
Do I still get to sit at lunch with them?
Am I going to join this other friend
group?
Is my dad mad at me? Do I?
What am I going to do when all my friends
leave for the game early for school
and I'm still in English class
and I don't have anyone to talk to.
Those are the swirling thoughts
that happen.
That's just one example, right?
Of when something happens that you feel
negative about, why don't you tell anyone?
Because it feels so overwhelming
to tell someone.
And this is okay
because you feel embarrassed.
It's embarrassing
if we don't fit into the group,
if someone makes fun of us,
if we get cut from the team,
it's embarrassing
if we get injured in the game
and we were supposed to be
the star player, it's embarrassing.
If you know
someone says something on social media
about how we looked weak that day,
or someone says something on social media
about how you're not that pretty,
you just think you are right.
Those things hurt
and they're embarrassing,
and so that embarrassment
makes you shrink into yourself
instead of what you really need at
that moment is actually that network
that's going to comfort you
and kind of lift you up.
And it's it's a skill that you can learn.
How do I reach out?
And when I think about this, I think like,
who is all?
All I want you to do
is reach out to one person.
You don't have to deal with your dad
and the coach and your friends
and all in one day.
Who's the person that probably
is going to be able to comfort you
the most or talk through you the most,
and then you've taken one step,
and maybe the next day
you'll talk to your friends,
and maybe the next day
you'll talk to that coach
who cut you from the team in this example.
But just that one step,
just one outreach gets rid of that
isolating feeling of,
oh my gosh, no one will understand this.
No one's ever
felt this before but me. That's not true.
But that's how all of us
feel in those moments
when we're bullied
or when we're having a rough time.
And so if you're not reaching out
because you're scared to reach out,
because no one will understand
who's one person you can reach out
to, just take one step,
and then you can figure
the rest of it out.
So, you know, if someone is, you know,
they're pulling into the driveway
now, they're just about to
finish the ride home for whatever.
And had all these conversations
listening to to your wonderful words,
I'm curious
about maybe three, three takeaways
that they can put their head
down on the pillow
and wake up the next morning,
and they're able to feel.
Just feel better about listening
to this conversation.
And, you know, and it could be personal.
It could be from the position
that you sit in.
And I am I am so curious
because whatever it is that you say,
I will probably apply in my own life,
no pressure.
But I think it's it's incredibly helpful.
I think during a time
where we're all seeking
answers
to just feel better about who we are.
I mean, the first one is advice
I give myself and I give to all of you,
which is check yourself
on your screen time
and use some of those skills
I talked about to figure out
who's following you
and who you're following.
If you're a teenager out there
and you're thinking,
oh man, I just listened to this and
I have spent six hours on my phone today.
All right, cut it to five.
Cut it to four.
I'm not asking you to get rid of it.
Start to do it yourself. Right.
Start to take that initiative yourself.
Number two is to think about
as something hurts or helps you,
whether that is the social media
stuff we talked about or,
you know,
that culture piece we talked about,
do we fit in somewhere?
Asking yourself
that question is really important.
Is this hurting me or helping me?
Did I just scroll this phone for two hours
and I feel terrible afterwards?
Probably not helping you, right?
And then the third thing is
you need to build this network of either
people you trust, for people you can talk
to, or people who will build you up.
And with that network,
you should share your successes.
Post your story that you've scored a goal.
You should be able to tell
that group of friends
like I did this awesome thing,
because those people are going to be
happy for you
and those people are going to lift you up.
And you said,
what is success on social media, right?
To me, it's
having a community that celebrates you.
I've taken like
ten deep breaths during this conversation,
and I'm a mindfulness practitioner.
So it's like, am thankful
that you have allowed me to sort of
take those deep size because as we
sort of tagged in my own reflection,
as we sort of close
this loop, is
the tremendous amount of gratitude
and how much your words
matter to those who are listening
and hearing your words,
hearing your stories from as a mom,
as a professional in the field.
And I just want to give you the space
to be able to
to tag out with me.
Well, I, I like having these conversations
for a couple of reasons.
One is I think they're really important
because when I talk to my own kids,
when I talk to parents,
when I talk to youth, I often say
as my kind of own tagline like,
put this in the hands of the public
and we will all be better off.
I don't think we should be gatekeeping
this information.
Let's share it with you.
Let's share it with parents, right?
I might know one little thing
and you might.
No, one little thing.
And through this podcast,
my hope is that you know, you all
who are listening, take one thing,
take one thing and bring it home with you
and then share it with a friend.
And so as I think about our conversation
today,
and I think about some of the questions
you asked me that I kind of reflected
on, I think that's what
we all owe each other, right?
We share this information.
We put it in the hands of the public.
We put it in the hands of youth,
because you are all the people
who are going to lead us
through the next generation.
Right?
And the more we do that,
I think the better off all of us are.
But also, I think
the easier it is to navigate these things.
These things are hard.
Social media is hard.
Teenage life is hard.
But you can have the skills for it
and we can have the skills for it.
And as youth and adults together,
we should be able to figure out how to
how to kind of navigate it in a way that
makes sense and that it's used for good.
Yeah. What I want to thank you so much.
Obviously,
I want to really show the listeners
that they do matter,
that they have so much self-worth
and and that they're seen in every aspect
that they do.
And, you know, obviously,
if no one has said to you today,
I'm so thankful and how much you matter
and how much your work matters.
So I'm thankful.
Thank you so much for having me.
Everything we talked
about today is educational,
not professional mental health advice.
If you or someone you know needs real
support right now, call or text 988.
That's the Suicide in crisis. Lifeline.
Free and available 24 over seven.