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Shiurim by Rav Davidson in KBY.
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We have we're on שער ד'.
אם פרנסתו באה אליו דוקא
על ידי אמצעי שאינו רצוי לו ולא על ידי אמצעים אחרים או דוקא במקום
שאינו רצוי לו ולא במקומות אחרים או דוקא על ידי אדם שאינו רצוי לו
או על ידי בני אדם ולא על ידי אחרים.
You have a hard boss.
You have a tough boss.
That's just the job you have,
yeah?
That's the job you have right now.
That's the job that's available.
And he's a tough boss,
it's not nice to work under him.
You've got a good job but it involves traveling.
You want to be home more,
but that's where your job is.
That means you have to travel,
and traveling is hard.
You want to be close to your family,
but that's just where the job is.
Or you have a good job but it's in an area which you don't
really enjoy,
meaning the content of the job is something which you don't really enjoy.
That's where your job is.
You're looking for other jobs but you can't find it.
So you don't enjoy what you're doing,
you don't enjoy having to go somewhere you don't want to go,
and you're working for a hard boss.
So what do you do?
He's giving us mindsets,
אמונה-filled mindsets of how to respond to these situations.
This is what you say.
השם יצר אותי דוקא באותו צורה ובאותו דמות והרכבה ומידה שנוצרתי בה.
השם,
He's the one who made me.
He made me in the form that I'm in,
in the setting that I have.
ולא יצר אותי בצורה ודמות והרכבה ומידה אחרת.
He didn't make me any other way.
He could have made me in a different era,
he could have made me with different strength and qualities,
he could have made my body in a different way.
מפני שזוהי טובתי,
this is exactly what my task is here in this world.
This is exactly who I am,
what my mission is.
השם בחר עבורי פרנסה שתבוא דוקא על ידי אמצעים אלו.
Now look,
if I could get a better job which I enjoy more,
I would take it.
If I could get a better job where it's a better place,
I would take it.
If I can get a better job working under a boss who I have
a better relationship with,
I would take it.
I would take all these things.
But this right now is what I've got.
It must be that this is part of my task because I didn't choose
it exactly in this way.
But you see this is the way that God arranged it to be.
So I believe with perfect faith that if השם gave me all the כוחות
that I am and the time that I'm in and this is the relevant
job that's come my way this time,
this is exactly what I need to do.
Does that mean that I won't change if an opportunity comes?
Of course I will change.
If השם opens up a new door,
I'm going to go through it.
Of course I'll change.
I'm not saying this is perfect for me and therefore I love it.
I'm not being false.
I'm being authentic.
I'm being genuine.
I don't enjoy it.
If an opportunity to change comes,
I will take it.
But at the same time I'm saying right now that I'm here,
this is exactly where I need to be.
I'll tell a personal story about myself.
I was not interested in leaving Israel.
I'd made עליה,
was very happy here,
have my family here,
בית מדרש,
very happy.
And then at one point the ישיבה said to me,
we want you to go to England on behalf of the ישיבה.
And I said no,
I don't want to go.
Like until I made it to Israel.
They said what,
it's for a few like three days and it's you know benefiting the ישיבה.
So I tried wiggling my way out of it,
but then I realized that's part of my role.
That's just what my role in the ישיבה is.
I come from there,
it makes sense,
I know people there,
I have connections,
I'm the best person to do that right now in this situation.
So I begrudgingly agreed.
And then I asked myself,
if I'm anyway going,
then should I go begrudgingly?
Or should I say I wouldn't have chosen this,
but now that I'm going,
I'm going to do a great job.
I looked at the two options in front of me and I said well,
the first one's not going to get me very far.
It's going to be a lose-lose.
I'm not going to enjoy myself and I'm going to do a bad job.
If I'm going to be going everywhere I go and complaining to everyone that
I see,
I don't want to be here,
I don't want to be here,
that's not going to give off a great impression.
You're all sinners living outside of Israel,
that's not going to you know find favor in the eyes of potential parents
or students or my friends.
And and it's just going to cause me to be bitter about it.
So what gain is that going to be?
So if I could choose,
I would choose not to go.
But I'm not choosing.
I'm not choosing.
It's not what I chose.
It's part of my role.
It's part of my role,
I'm going to do it with all my כוחות.
And I honestly enjoyed it.
I wouldn't do it by choice.
But once I'm doing it,
I honestly enjoyed it.
It was nice to see old friends,
it's amazing to meet potential תלמידים,
speak with them,
hear what's best for them,
suggest to some yes,
suggest to some no,
understanding who everyone is.
It's very very interesting for me just on a private level just to see
how things are going.
And was interesting to see and how everything had developed and what changed and
what's going on.
It was very interesting,
first time,
second time etcetera.
But you don't want to do something,
don't do it.
הקדוש ברוך הוא set you up in a way that you need to do
it,
do it with a לב שלם,
do it with all your heart.
If it wasn't your choice to enter it,
but now that הקדוש ברוך הוא is putting you there,
השם בחר בעבורי פרנסה שתבוא דוקא על ידי אמצעים אלה.
If Hashem has chosen for me that this is the way my פרנסה has
to come,
this way and not what I think would be a better way,
it must be that this is what's most fitting for me at this time.
Again,
I'll repeat,
if a new door opens,
I'm going to take it.
But as long as a new door hasn't opened and Hashem has put me
here and said this is what you need to do,
then I believe with perfect faith this is exactly where I need to be,
what I need to do right now.
השם הביא אותי אל העולם הזה דוקא באותו מקום שנולדתי בו.
Hashem does everything with precision.
If He made me born into this place,
this time,
this world,
I often,
just going back to,
I often think about it,
if I would have been born in Israel or made עליה at a much
younger age,
how much easier my life would be.
Even till this day,
I make mistakes in Hebrew in every sentence,
every sentence or every other sentence.
And I manage,
I manage,
I can speak,
I can talk with someone,
but I know that I'm making mistakes and I can see people being patient
and wanting to correct me and not correcting me.
And it would be so much easier in my life if it was just
the first language for me.
My life,
I would have been able to learn at a younger age,
I would be able to understand things more intuitively because it would be my
mother tongue.
So wouldn't that have been better?
God,
You messed up,
it would have been so much better.
וכנראה He decided that for my mission and my purpose,
I needed to be born outside of Israel.
Language is not natural to me,
it's not one of my strengths that I have.
And that's part of my mission.
I would have made it different,
I would have made it a strength and born in ארץ ישראל.
That's what I would have done looking at who I am now backwards.
But then it could be that I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now
and it would be I'd be doing a terrible job wherever I would be.
So maybe Hashem determined that this is exactly my role,
what I need to do.
So I can't complain and say Hashem why didn't You make Hebrew my first
language,
or at least maybe make me better at languages,
at learning languages?
I can't complain because I can complain but it's not going to help anything,
it's not going to advance the situation.
All it's going to do is make me bitter about it.
And our whole principle here is that you do the best you can do
in the situation that you have.
If new doors open,
you take them,
but if they didn't open then that's exactly where you need to be,
who you need to be.
You do your best in any given situation that Hashem gave you.
Hashem put me in this world,
specifically in the place that I was born,
specifically through my parents,
no one else,
specifically them.
Hashem chose for me the way that I'm going to get my פרנסה,
that it's going to be right now in this situation in this particular method,
in this particular way,
in this particular place,
with this particular boss.
I don't know why it's good for me,
I may never understand throughout my life why I had to go through that
period of my life which was just difficult and I don't see any benefit
from it,
but nevertheless,
I believe with perfect faith that Hashem knows what He was doing.
צדיק השם בכל דרכיו.
Hashem is a צדיק in everything that He does.
And that's an אמונה perspective.
So you always choose to do things in the way that you feel is
best for you,
but if Hashem chose otherwise,
then you recognize this is beyond my understanding but I believe that it's best
for me.
We were talking about different areas of having בטחון,
that was the area of פרנסה,
we finished that now.
New topic.
We're talking about the third area now which is talking about the healthy or
correct attitude that one has to have towards other people in their life.
How to relate to your wife,
your kids,
members of your family,
relatives,
friends,
people you know,
neighbors,
all different types of people.
Some people as far as the strata of honor is concerned are higher up
than you.
Some people as far as the social pecking order are lower than you.
How are you supposed to view this from an אמונה perspective?
אין לך אדם שיש לו מנוס מאחד משתי האפשרויות.
או שהוא זר במקום מגורו,
או שנמצא בחוג משפחתו או קרוביו.
I was talking to someone recently,
I had such רחמנות for them.
They made עליה from Argentina,
Brazil,
something like that,
Mexico,
Mexico.
And Hebrew's not their first language,
no Argentina,
it was Argentina.
Hebrew's not their first language and English is not their first language and they
don't speak either of them well.
They speak Portuguese.
And we're both from חוץ לארץ,
right?
So we were talking about having made עליה from חוץ לארץ.
And he said to me,
yeah exactly,
that's the point,
like it's not exactly the same.
Because he said to me,
זה ממש קשה לעלות לארץ ישראל.
So I said,
דווקא החוויה שלי היתה בסדר.
I didn't find it so hard.
It's hard,
but it's not like...
So he said to me,
אתה לא מבין.
And he was breaking his teeth.
I don't remember what language we were speaking in.
But I know,
אתה לא מבין.
You're English speaking.
If you don't speak Hebrew,
but you speak English,
wow!
Everyone loves you.
Everyone wants to show off how much English they know.
I know English too.
I know also.
Yes,
I know to say Manchester United,
I know all the words.
And they're like showing off like how this is their language and they look
at you with this like,
whoa,
do you have come from a place where you have this or that?
Because in a way,
in an unhealthy way,
but many Israelis look up to English speaking people.
Their culture,
their background,
and the fact that you speak English is a מעלה.
Not a חיסרון,
it's a מעלה.
He said,
but if you speak Portuguese,
no one cares about you,
no one's interested in you.
You're a third-class citizen.
Third class.
You don't belong.
You don't belong.
And if you don't make it immediately your first language,
and even if you do,
but you have a strong accent,
then everyone like considers you to be second class,
third class,
out.
There's a hope for the kids.
The kids will grow up,
they'll speak Hebrew,
they'll be normal.
And he said,
I'm doing it for my kids.
He said,
but from my perspective,
it would have been better staying off there.
On a personal level.
Better staying there because he feels out.
And now just going back to the guy from Mexico because there were two
different stories.
That was the guy from Argentina.
But there was a guy from Mexico also.
In Mexico,
he had a furniture store and he was very successful.
He had different branches of the store,
he did very well.
He came to Israel,
he works in a fruit shop packing fruit.
So I was talking to him like about...
He said he doesn't know the language,
he can't do business,
he doesn't have friends.
He needs to work.
So he found a job that doesn't take any speaking.
He just packs fruit.
And he was a very successful business owner in חוץ לארץ.
He made עליה primarily for his wife and kids.
I don't think he would have made עליה.
His wife and kids are very happy.
Kids went to school here,
they integrated very,
very well.
But he feels totally out,
totally out.
The one from Argentina is doing much better,
like he's created a קהילה of people who speak the same language.
So he feels like more...
But even though the קהילה is out.
The one from Mexico is totally off.
He lives in a place where there's only one other person who speaks the
same language as them and it's not like his best friend,
it's just someone he knows.
And he just doesn't have anyone to talk to.
It's very,
very lonely.
So הקדוש ברוך הוא is going to put you in one of two life
situations.
Either you're going to be like this guy from Argentina or Mexico that you
don't belong.
You're in a place where you just don't belong.
Some people don't belong not because of their language or accent but because of
their personality.
There's some people whose personality just doesn't blend well with other people around them.
If they would be in a different community,
different society,
they would do great.
But it happens to be the society or community they live in doesn't mesh
well with their personality and their traits.
That's also they feel off,
they feel out.
There was once a family who I knew,
very,
very intelligent.
Everyone was very,
very clever.
The grandparents had PhDs,
the father was a דיין,
the mother was a doctor,
they were all very,
very clever.
There was one kid,
they had eight kids.
There was one kid who wasn't.
Very,
very simple.
Very sweet.
Very sweet,
but very simple.
And the parents were doing their best to like make him feel like totally
part of the family,
but it was really hard because the type of conversation that they were always
having all the time was a conversation that he couldn't really follow and he
wasn't really included in.
So they made an agenda that when they were like around him there was
like a lot of טיולים and a lot of games and a lot of
things.
And they would like not ignore the conversation entirely,
but they would like make sure that when he was around there was like
enough inclusion that he would feel part of it and not just have like
highly intellectual conversations amongst their family.
But it's really hard,
like what's his fault that he was born into that family?
If he'd been born into a family where the intelligent level was average or
a little below average,
he would have been like,
וואו חכם,
like he's great.
Everyone would like look up to him as the...
Sometimes it's an important question about choosing ישיבה,
right?
Do you choose to go to the ישיבה where everyone is a bit higher
than you and then you're going to have to work hard and push hard
to be,
or should you go to the ישיבה where you're one of the best ones
there and then you're already made,
you're doing well?
So it depends more on the emotional level of the person.
There's not a correct answer to that question.
If a person's emotional level is very stable and he's very confident in who
he is,
then it's better to be on the lower end because it won't harm him
because he's very strong in his personality and it'll push him.
But if a person,
his self-confidence comes from the fact that he's doing well in society and that's
what gives him a sense of having worth,
and you put him in a place where he's one of the lower ones,
that's going to tear him apart.
He's going to feel like I thought I was worth something and now I
realize I'm not worth anything.
He won't push himself to work harder because he sees there's no hope,
these people are way,
way,
way beyond me.
So it's not your choice,
but you'll find yourself in one of these two situations.
Either you're out because of your language,
because of your personality,
or you feel comfortable.
I'm with my people,
with my חברה,
I feel like I belong.
אם הוא זר במקום מגוריו.
So again,
the whole way through this chapter he's giving us mindsets to have in different
situations.
If you find yourself to be out in your society community,
so that's going to be hard from an אמונה and בטחון perspective.
What am I doing here?
Why is this happening to me?
It's not my fault.
What did I do wrong?
So what mindset should you have?
זה שאין לו עם מי להתיידד.
The fact I don't have good friends.
הוא לטובתו.
There's a way that it's positive.
The person of בטחון is a person who knows there's positive and there's negative,
but he's choosing to focus on the positive because he recognizes that's what's going
to build him.
So he says,
I would like to have friends,
but that's not in my hands right now.
So is there any benefit from being alone?
The truth is there is a little bit.
Someone who is alone can often have a deeper connection with הקדוש ברוך הוא.
He turns to השם.
מתוך שהוא מרגיש עצמו גלמוד הוא דבק בהשם הוא חש בגרותו הוא בוטח עליו
יתברך.
If you have someone who's an orphan and he doesn't have a father and
someone does the wisest decision in the world and says to them in the
right way and in the right context,
says to them,
you know השם is the אבי יתומים.
Nothing can replace your father,
but you should know that you have a special in with השם.
And everyone turns to השם and some people השם is more open with,
some people less,
but a יתום,
השם is the אב for the יתום.
You have a special in with השם.
So whenever you feel like you wish your father was here and you feel
alone,
you should just know that's an opportunity to turn to השם.
And you should know that הקדוש ברוך הוא is supporting you exactly your father
supporting you too because הקדוש ברוך הוא is representing your father.
If you say that with sensitivity in the right time,
in the right place,
it will be a gift to that child where that child will have a
sense that I have a deeper connection with הקדוש ברוך הוא than I would
have otherwise had.
So does that mean it's better not to have a father?
No no no,
don't start playing tricks.
Be ישר,
of course I would want my father to be here.
Of course.
If I can choose good,
I'll take good.
But if I'm not choosing and this is the portion that הקדוש ברוך הוא
has given my in my life,
then how can I grow from it?
What perspective can I have that's going to help me grow?
An opportunity to come close to השם,
closer than I otherwise would have had.
ויעלה על לבו את גירותה של הנפש בעולם הזה.
And sometimes these people can have a more spiritual existence where they can recognize
that being alone and they can turn to spirituality.
They can turn to הקדוש ברוך הוא and it can help grow them.
שכל הנשמות הנמצאים בעולם הם כמו גרים.
The truth is that we're all גרים as the פסוק says כי גרים ותושבים
אתם עמדי.
השם says you're all גרים because our נשמה is like a גר,
it's like out of its place in this world.
And therefore you should think to yourself כי גם כל מי שיש לו קרובים
בעולם יהפך תוך זמן קצר לנוכרי גמור כשימות.
It's true that I feel a bit out now,
but the truth is that everyone's out at some stage in their life.
Everyone is not going to take their family with them to the grave.
But the spiritual growth that they have in this world,
that you do take with you to the next world.
So in a way I have an opportunity,
in a way.
I wouldn't have chosen it,
but now that I have it,
I'm not going to let it pass.
So we'll pause there.
But that's the opening where he's discussing how to use being alone in a
positive way to help build you.
And then the second side is going to be how to use being in
your חברה.
There's no good or bad חברה,
it's how what you make of it,
what you choose to do with it.
The answer of a בעל בטחון is always how is this going to help
me make my way one step closer to הקדוש ברוך הוא.
שלום.