Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
The Life of And podcast is for high-achieving women and working parents who are ready to stop living a life of “have to” and start designing a life they actually want. It’s a space where we talk honestly about the things we’re often afraid to admit — even to ourselves. The exhaustion. The ambition. The loneliness. The joy. The tension of wanting more without losing yourself in the process.
If you’re in the thick of it — feeling stretched, tired, hopeful, driven — this is your invitation to take a breath, get real, and find your way back to your own Life of And.
[00:00:00] Tiffany Sauder: What do you think you need? Because your first idea is to quit something, but it makes you cry every time you think about quitting something because you actually love it all. So that's a good sign, right? You love it all. How many of us have been in this season in life? You love all the things that you're doing.
[00:00:13] Tiffany Sauder: It's just not fitting together. I'm Tiffany Sauder, entrepreneur, wife, mom to four girls and a woman figuring it out just like you. If you're tired of living a life of have to and finally ready to build a life of want to, then you're in the right place. Come on, let's go Build your Life of And.
[00:00:39] Tiffany Sauder: Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of the Life of And podcast. I'm your host, Tiffany Sauder and, uh, excited to be jumping back on the pod here. It's like the first day we're, it like, kind of feels like fall here in Indiana and it's, I'm recording this on October 9th, like wild. So. It's like full sweater vibes.
[00:00:57] Tiffany Sauder: It's very fun. Quick update on the drama of, uh, where are the Sauders living? Our house went on the market yesterday, which there's something so weird if you've moved recently. You already know this, but it's been 10 years since we've moved, so I don't remember. I feel like moving is like having a baby. It.
[00:01:15] Tiffany Sauder: You do it again because you don't remember. That's how this feels. We're doing it again because we don't remember fully. Do not remember. But it's so weird to see your most personal spaces and belongings, like on the internet, on a Zillow listing. It's so weird. It's so weird to me. So house went live yesterday and first day of showings is today, and we have four so far.
[00:01:38] Tiffany Sauder: I say, so far we have four scheduled, which feels pretty great. Feels pretty good. I'm so excited to see what happens. But our first showing was supposed to be eight 30 this morning, which again, if you've been through this recently, you know what it takes to like live in a house and make it then look like nobody lives there when you leave.
[00:01:57] Tiffany Sauder: And so, yeah, I mean, everybody had to go to school this morning, get ready for work. I'm like, the shower is going to be wet still because we just took a shower like. 32 minutes ago, like packing lunches and picking up every tiny little crumb. I don't know, it just like feels like the most insane thing. So I remind myself daily that we chose this.
[00:02:16] Tiffany Sauder: Nobody is making us do this. And also it's still a little bit funny and like, just like, you know, half your stuff is packed up. So my hair is on the dirty side of dirty, I mean. Please. Let's find the time where I can actually get my hair wet and wash it and have time to dry it. And so this morning I was like, oh, I'll be cute vibes.
[00:02:33] Tiffany Sauder: I'll have like jeans on and a sweater and like a baseball cap. Well, I've packed up all my baseball caps, apparently. Apparently I decided that those were something I didn't need for seven months. So gone. So here we are. It like literally looks like I must have used. Wax this morning to put my hair back.
[00:02:50] Tiffany Sauder: But no, it's just grease. So, um, it's funny, I'm doing my best to just sort of giggle my way through it and not lose my mind. Like my girls left, I never make them make their beds. It's like one of my things where I'm like, it's just not worth fight. I don't really care. I don't wanna manage it, so I don't really care.
[00:03:04] Tiffany Sauder: I told them last night, please make your bed in the morning. And nobody did. And I was like, I hope tire pops on the way to school. Not really, but I was just like, ah, one thing, please, somebody help me. So I do momentarily turn into an insane person, and that's not really who I want to be to my family, but, but sometimes I let myself go there.
[00:03:23] Tiffany Sauder: I should own the behavior. 'cause it's not like somebody's making me be crazy, so. Okay. Well that's all you need. You're like, I'm done with your house update. Tiffany, I want to talk through an example that played out in our house like two weeks ago with my oldest daughter, Aubrey. And I was able to use the Life of And Toolbox with her, which made me eternally happy.
[00:03:45] Tiffany Sauder: I don't know if it made her quite as happy, but we solved a really big problem for her using the Life of And Framework. And I thought it was just like a really simple I illustration of how to apply the framework maybe in your own life into something that's like just kind of grown into something bigger than you anticipated.
[00:04:04] Tiffany Sauder: And so I'm gonna set the stage and then I'm gonna quickly walk through. Some of the different tools that we used and encourage you. I don't, I guess look for the pattern in it. Like yes, it's clearly like the story of a problem we solve for her, but it's more about just like a really discreet application of the tools.
[00:04:21] Tiffany Sauder: So here's the backdrop. It was Friday night around. 8:55 PM and Aubrey had been back in school for three or four weeks and everything was like at full tilt. So classes were, you know, sort of running fast. She was having tests, so her swim schedule. Was at full till and that was falling on her calendar. And then she's also in a show, a competition show choir at school, which is like an AP class that she takes and they have choreographers that, that they fly in from all over the country.
[00:04:56] Tiffany Sauder: And it's like a really cool experience for her. It is also like most kids, all they do is show choir if that's their thing. And show choir season and swim season are in the exact same season and she's the only swimmer on the zionsville. High school team who also does show choir. I don't tell, well, I say that to like, 'cause she's incredible, but also to just say like, it's insane.
[00:05:19] Tiffany Sauder: Most people don't try to do both of these things. So she came home on Friday night. They had just had after school, a four hour session with a choreographer, and then she was gonna go back to the high school on Saturday and she was gonna have swim from eight to 11 in the morning. And then she was gonna have three more hours with a choreographer from two to 5:00 PM So she was coming off of a huge week of school and then gonna go into a huge Saturday and she came home at eight 50 or 8 55 and was mad.
[00:05:51] Tiffany Sauder: And teary and completely overwhelmed. And she was exhausted and probably hungry too. All of the things. And she was just like, I like mom. I can't, and in her. You know, 16-year-old version was just like, I'm burnt out, I'm fried, I'm over it. I cannot do this. I don't feel qualified. I hate everything. This is too hard.
[00:06:15] Tiffany Sauder: I feel like I'm going from thing to thing to thing. Like literally two nights that week, I had taken her dinner in the parking lot in her car because she has a half hour between them. And so she would like get to school for early morning practice at like five 50 in the morning, do school all day, then go to.
[00:06:33] Tiffany Sauder: Swim her second practice after school for swim and then eat dinner in her car and then go to show choir. So this was like what her week had been, and that is a massive week. So she was just like, I'm over it. I'm over it. And she was crying. As I kind of like dug into it because three things were happening.
[00:06:49] Tiffany Sauder: One was she had gotten a, like a b plus on a physics test and for her that's like a values violation because she was like, I know I can do better than this. And her grades are very important to her and school is very important to her and, and she's like, this is a values violation. If something is gonna take away from my grades, it's not okay.
[00:07:09] Tiffany Sauder: So that was her values screaming at her. The second thing is that she swam since she was eight years old, and so she really wants to see it through to her senior year. She's really close to the squad and the team. It's like, she's like, I've done it since I was eight, like I'm eight years in. I need to finish this second thing.
[00:07:25] Tiffany Sauder: And the third was she loves to sing. It's like a totally different part of herself. It's like a artistic expression for her, and she's a incredible student. Swimming is all about math and precision. And so show choir is like a release for her. It's a different kind of friend. It's like a different place for her and she just loves to sing and so she's like, I don't wanna give any of these things up, but the only path I see forward is to quit one of them.
[00:07:52] Tiffany Sauder: Which, how often is that? The thing that we see in our own life, this is like where the Life of And was born. Where it's like when I'm overwhelmed and I'm burned out and I'm feeling crazy. And this is unsustainable. The very first thing my head goes to, the very first idea I have is what do I have to completely stop?
[00:08:08] Tiffany Sauder: Because it feels like the only way to get life back into any kind of alignment is to quit something you love. So that was exactly where she was, and I know that we all can, like I've been there and I know you have been too. It's like the only thing that we can do, and in particular. When there's something that we want to do because it's aligned with our values.
[00:08:28] Tiffany Sauder: Again, like singing and dancing is part of her value of like release and enjoyment in a different way than the rest of her life. And getting good grades is very important to her. And so she's like, I don't wanna give up either one of these. And she's very loyal relationally, so she's like, I'm feeling a values violation because these commitments are not allowing me to get the grades that I know that I could otherwise get.
[00:08:51] Tiffany Sauder: They don't know how to solve this other than just to either be mad and resent it all to keep going and it feels unsustainable or to quit something that I love. Those are the three options that she could see. So I sat her down and I said, the first thing that we need to see is, is it actually too much or does it just feel like it?
[00:09:13] Tiffany Sauder: It's like the first question to ask yourself, is it actually too much or does it just feel like it? Because sometimes you're tired and hungry and it's like raining outside and it just feels like too much on that day. And really what you need to do is like eat some protein, go to bed, take a shower, and you know, like just sort of like start fresh.
[00:09:28] Tiffany Sauder: And sometimes life corrects itself once you do those things. Food, water, and sleep. But sometimes it's actually too much. So we sat down and I actually said Aubrey right now, this was Friday night and this was where she was like, needed a hug, which I did, but also was like, let's think through this. I said, let's write down implicit or explicitly the number of hours that you spend in these three areas of your life.
[00:09:50] Tiffany Sauder: So school, like being in the school building is 37 and a half hours a week. Swim practice. Just being in the pool is 17 hours a week and show choir is eight hours a week. Okay. And then I also said, well, you. The school and the pool are not in our driveway. You have to go there. So we're added 30 minutes a day just for driving.
[00:10:13] Tiffany Sauder: Okay. To the school back to get food, pick up her sister, whatever the thing is. So we added another two and a half hours. So that's 65 hours a week that her time is committed to something organized being in the pool at show choir practice, or in the school. Or in her car. But that does not include time to eat dinner.
[00:10:34] Tiffany Sauder: That does not include the time that she needs to study. That does not include our time that we go to church. That does not include like even her packing her lunch for the next day and packing her swim bag. 'cause she gets ready at the school four mornings out of the week. Like all of that preparedness and readiness and studying and being good at.
[00:10:55] Tiffany Sauder: Time. None like stretching, but whatever, you know, like she needs to do. Those kinds of things are not included in that 65 hours for a 16-year-old kid. And I said, Aubrey, you don't just feel like it's too much. It is too much. So let's figure out how to change something. So that you feel like you have some semblance of control.
[00:11:18] Tiffany Sauder: So we validated, is it, does it feel like it's too much or is it actually too much? And I said, for a 16-year-old kid, for 65 hours to be completely planned and scheduled. And that does not include probably another 20 hours that she needs for those other things that I said. Preparing, studying. Church, et cetera, that that gets you 85 hours a week.
[00:11:38] Tiffany Sauder: Like she's running a very tight schedule and I can see why you feel burnout. Honey, I wanna take a quick moment to thank my partners at Share Your Genius. For the past four years, they have been an incredible part of my journey behind the microphone. Share Your Genius is a content and podcast production agency that helps leaders and brands bring their message to life.
[00:12:00] Tiffany Sauder: So whether you're trying to find your voice, develop a content strategy, or get your leader behind a microphone, they're gonna help you make it simple, strategic, and impactful. So I wrote down and I said, what do you think you need? What do you think you need? Because your first idea is to quit something.
[00:12:21] Tiffany Sauder: But it makes you cry every time you think about quitting something because you actually love it all. So that's a good sign, right? You love it all. 'cause sometimes you look at someone's like, well if I, if I had, if I got to quit something, I would quit this. I just dunno how to quit it. That's a different problem to solve.
[00:12:35] Tiffany Sauder: But for her, she wanted to do all of them 'cause she loved them all. How many of us have been in this season in life? You love all the things that you're doing. It's just not fitting together. So I said, well what? What do you think you need? I was like, don't, don't figure out how, just what do you think you need?
[00:12:51] Tiffany Sauder: And she was like, well, if I could just have one day where I came home from school and could study with like a brain that wasn't tired, like if I could just have one day. 'cause every single five days a week after school, she has swim practice right after school till 5 45. So she comes when she can come home and she doesn't, she doesn't really get showered and stuff until 7:00 PM like eats dinner showers.
[00:13:13] Tiffany Sauder: So she's not starting her schoolwork until seven. That's like late for her. She's an early to bed kind of a gal. She's like, if I could just have one day where I came home early from school or on time from school, and I said, okay. So you would go from 17 hours in the pool to 15 and a half. If you came home one day after school, it's like an hour and 45 minute practice, so I'm off by 15 minutes.
[00:13:38] Tiffany Sauder: But you get, so you went to 15 and a half hours a week in the pool versus 17. That's a kind of the same number. You know, that's not like cutting her training in half if she came home one day a week Right. When school was over, I said, okay. Would that help? If you picked a day of the week, what day do you think you would pick?
[00:13:57] Tiffany Sauder: And she's like, well, probably Wednesday, because we have a long practice Wednesday morning, so I'm still swimming that day. Okay. I said, okay, well when are your tests usually happening? She's like, well, they're usually Thursday or Friday. It's like, okay, and do you usually know your tests when they're gonna be like a week in advance?
[00:14:15] Tiffany Sauder: She's like, yeah, for sure. We always know when our tests are. I said, okay. Well, one of the things you're frustrated about is that you can't perform as well on your tests as you'd like to because you don't have time to study. You could use your Wednesdays to studies for tests that are usually on Thursday and Friday.
[00:14:31] Tiffany Sauder: Do you think you could go talk to your coach about this being renegotiated? You're the only swimmer who's also doing show choir. Do you think he she'd work with you? And at first she was like, no, I don't think he'd let me. I was like. So let's talk about why you think he wouldn't let you. Like, does he know that you're doing both things?
[00:14:52] Tiffany Sauder: She's like, yes. And I said, I, as I recall last season, you did both and he was like excited about and said he would support you and do what he could. I was like, what's the worst thing that can happen if you go ask. Is he says no. And you feel a little bit embarrassed, but the best thing that could happen is that you go ask.
[00:15:11] Tiffany Sauder: And he says, yeah, no problem. That totally makes sense. Like you've shown yourself to be responsible. You show up on time, like he's not thinking you're gonna, you're trying to slack off. You literally just need some time to manage one of your other commitments. And so what did she do? She went and talked to him and.
[00:15:27] Tiffany Sauder: He gave her Wednesday after school off so that she can go home and study and she's a completely different kid. The idea that she could have some agency over some of her time. And know that there's a place where she can study completely changed her outlook on feeling like a victim to her schedule and feeling like it doesn't matter how hard I work, I'm always behind.
[00:15:52] Tiffany Sauder: It doesn't matter how prepared I am. I always feel like I'm supposed to be somewhere else. It doesn't matter. I'm feel like I'm failing in this one. Change completely. Created this like release valve. It's like the pressure was like, like, you know that feeling? It's like it's just too much. But the plan, but the ball does not need to be half deflated.
[00:16:15] Tiffany Sauder: It needs like five pounds of air lut out. And when we can do that in a really controlled and intentional way, we can get all of the ands to move forward in our lives. I mean, who has not been here before where it's like. I feel completely overwhelmed. I'm doing things I've chosen. I in fact, love them all and feel called to them all and want to do all of these things, but I don't have a way where I can see how they fit together.
[00:16:41] Tiffany Sauder: And so our first idea is to quit something. What do I have to give up? Well, maybe you don't have to ask yourself really and explicitly what is it that I want? Like what? What would make you feel more in control? And for Aubrey, it was if I could just have one day where I came home. It's like, well, that actually feels pretty solvable and addresses the thing that actually made you mad in the first place, which was that you were not as prepared for your physics test as you wanted to be, and that was the values violation that got your attention.
[00:17:14] Tiffany Sauder: That said, I'm pissed. I'm not doing my best. I don't like this performance from myself. And that values clarity that I teach. The Life of And Framework says you gotta get clear on when you are clear on your values. That guilty feeling that pricking of like this does not feel right to me, is a really powerful tool to help you look at your life and say, what, what part of what I've said yes to needs to be renegotiated.
[00:17:39] Tiffany Sauder: What part of what is happening is not making me feel like I can be my best in these areas. And so. I don't know. I was very excited to see it work in her life. She knows I'm like so nerdy. Like, look, we did the thing and this is what I want you to learn how to do. And take agency over your choices and know how to advocate for what it is that you need to be able to be successful.
[00:18:00] Tiffany Sauder: And sometimes, you know, in her world, it's a practice schedule and a syllabus. That's what's telling her what to do. But we have all kinds of expectations on us. I was just doing a call with a woman yesterday who was like. Well, we always do week one hour weekly, one-to-ones with all of our direct reports.
[00:18:17] Tiffany Sauder: That's what our company has said we're gonna do. It's like, is that the right template? Does that serve your priorities and theirs? Does everybody need the exact same minutes? Like these conventional wi like conventional things that be put in our lives sometimes needs to be challenged a little bit so that we can get the real and the right things happening in our lives so that you can deliver for yourself.
[00:18:42] Tiffany Sauder: And for your family a Life of And that you feel like super proud of. So anyway, framework and action. I guess that's maybe what this episode should be titled is how do you take this imperative of I Will Do it all, which Aubrey's all was school show, choir and swim. But what and how are two different questions.
[00:19:04] Tiffany Sauder: What I want to do, you have to get clarity on how you do it is a totally different question than what it is that you want to do. And when we get stuck on the how, we oftentimes can bury a what? Too early instead of really challenging ourselves to think differently about it. So, okay. That's a wrap for today, you guys.
[00:19:22] Tiffany Sauder: Thanks for listening. If this episode has been helpful, well I'll, I'll, I'll give a plug maybe here too. One of the things that we're doing in 2026 is if you are an executive woman in particular, so have a team in leadership, p and l responsibility, like, like in in a leadership or executive leadership role.
[00:19:42] Tiffany Sauder: I've put together the Life of And Academy in a one day workshop, and it's only six women that go through it. We did one a couple of weeks ago and it was just wildly successful. I had this hunch that senior executive women need this content, want this content. I find that when I talk to 'em, like, oh my word, please gimme this, but just don't have the calendar availability to be able to join a, join a cohort.
[00:20:06] Tiffany Sauder: And so I was like, what if I just did like down and dirty version and. Took 'em through it in a day. So we did that. It was incredible. If you're interested in joining one of our sessions in 2026, this is an example. It's got some of the tools in it and literally throwing up problem. We spend the first. Four and a half hours learning frameworks.
[00:20:23] Tiffany Sauder: And then we spend the second part of the day solving real problems, um, in your life and would love for you to join us. So if you're interested, DM me on Instagram, reach out to me on LinkedIn. I check those dms pretty consistently as well. Or email my sort of catch like inbox that both Samantha and I monitor.
[00:20:40] Tiffany Sauder: So that means that I'll respond to you. Is tiffany@tiffanysauder.com. tiffany@tiffanysauder.com if you're interested in joining. Let us know and we'll reach out and get you more eat. So anyway, thanks for listening. You know, we'll be back next week. So thanks so much. Hope you guys are having a great fall.
[00:20:56] Tiffany Sauder: Thanks for listening to the Life of And this is your weekly reminder to keep making bold choices, saying clear yeses and holding space for what matters most. As always, if you like this episode, I'd love for you to drop a review and share it with your friend. It's the fastest way that we can grow the show.
[00:21:12] Tiffany Sauder: Thanks for joining us. I'll see you next time.