Journey to the Sunnyside

In this episode I talk about one idea from my conversation with Nir Eyal that I think is genuinely useful for anyone trying to drink less. He made a point about pain and signal that applies directly to what happens when a craving shows up — and it's a lot more practical than just white knuckling through it. A craving is real. It's uncomfortable. But it's not a command. This episode is about what to actually do in that moment.

Nir's Book, Beyond Belief: https://a.co/d/0bOchJVG

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Creators and Guests

Host
Mike Hardenbrook
#1 best-selling author of "No Willpower Required," neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert.

What is Journey to the Sunnyside?

Journey to the Sunnyside is a top 1% podcast, reaching over 500,000 listeners every week. It’s your guide to exploring mindful living with alcohol—whether you're cutting back, moderating, or thinking about quitting.

While Sunnyside helps you reduce your drinking, this podcast goes further, diving into topics like mindful drinking, sober curiosity, moderation, and full sobriety. Through real stories, expert insights, and science-backed strategies, we help you find what actually works for your journey.

Hosted by Mike Hardenbrook, a #1 best-selling author and neuroscience enthusiast, the show is dedicated to helping people transform their relationship with alcohol—without shame, judgment, or rigid rules.

This podcast is brought to you by Sunnyside, the leading platform for mindful drinking. Want to take the next step in your journey? Head over to sunnyside.co for a free 15-day trial.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in our episodes do not necessarily represent those of Sunnyside. We’re committed to sharing diverse perspectives on health and wellness. If you’re concerned about your drinking, please consult a medical professional. Sunnyside, this podcast, and its guests are not necessarily medical providers and the content is not medical advice. We do not endorse drinking in any amount.

Speaker 1:

Hey everyone. Welcome back to one of these ten minute Mondays. And I want to share something that came out of my conversation last week with NirAyal that I actually haven't been able to stop thinking about since we recorded. And here it is: A craving is not a command. Sit with that for a second.

Speaker 1:

Because I think most people who are trying to drink less and have been in this world long enough to know this is almost universal most people don't struggle because they don't know alcohol isn't great for them. They know. That's not actually the problem. The problem is what happens at 06:30 p. M, say on a Tuesday.

Speaker 1:

For example, you had a long day, maybe somebody annoyed you, you're probably tired, you walk into the kitchen and that poll shows up. And in that moment, it doesn't feel like information. It feels like instruction. It feels like, Just have a drink. You need this.

Speaker 1:

This will help. And that's the moment I want to talk about today. And I'll be honest about my own experience here because I think it matters. When I was making changes to my own drinking, I knew that the craves were coming. I didn't try to avoid them and I didn't pretend that they wouldn't show up.

Speaker 1:

That felt like a losing strategy from the start. I can't outrun cravings. They're going to happen. It's going to find you wherever you are, whether you planned it or not. What I did know, and this is probably the single biggest thing to help me, was that cravings are fleeting.

Speaker 1:

They pass. They feel permanent in the moment, but they're actually not. And I think about it like this: I don't eat sugar and most of the time, I can walk right past a donut and feel nothing. Totally indifferent. But sometimes it's different.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes that indifference isn't there and the pull is real. And what I've learned is that that feeling doesn't mean anything has changed. It just means that I'm human and cravings showed up today. With alcohol, it was the same. I knew the craving would be there and I knew it would be strong in the early days.

Speaker 1:

So instead of trying to avoid that discomfort, I started asking different questions. What's the pain on this side versus what's the pain on the other side if I give in? Because here's the thing, both paths involve discomfort. Sitting with a craving is uncomfortable. But giving in has its own pain that follows guilt, disrupted sleep, feeling like I'm back at square one.

Speaker 1:

And that pain, it's longer and it can weigh heavier. And here's the thing, it doesn't lead anywhere good. The craving pain, it's short and it passes. The giving end pain sticks around. So once I really understood that, not intellectually, but in my body, it changed the math in the moment.

Speaker 1:

This discomfort right now is the kind that leads to somewhere. The other discomfort, it doesn't. And knowing, and I used to think this to myself, this shall pass, that this feeling has an expiration date made it possible to just sit with it and wait it out. That's what preparation actually looks like, understanding the feeling well enough that it doesn't have to run the show. Because here's what Nir said in our conversation that really made me think.

Speaker 1:

He was talking about this guy named Daniel Gisler who had surgery. Actual surgery, like screws being removed from his ankle. Completely awake and no anesthesia. Just using hypnosis. And the guy's vital signs were totally stable the whole time.

Speaker 1:

He was aware of the pressure and the sensation, but he wasn't suffering. Pretty crazy. And Nir made this point that I just keep coming back to. He said the pain is just a signal, just data. And then he said, What can we do when we really crave a drink?

Speaker 1:

Because if Daniel can separate the signal from suffering during surgery, what are we capable of when a craving shows up at the end of a long day? And that's a reframe that we really need to pay attention to. Because most of us don't just feel the craving, we immediately pile a whole story on top of it. I can't stand this. I need something to take the edge off.

Speaker 1:

I always give in at this time. Or even worse, this is just who I am. And now the craving isn't just a craving anymore. Now it's more of an urgency. Now it's identity.

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Now it feels like it has to be answered. And that's usually the moment people end up drinking. The craving itself wasn't unbearable. The story they told about it made it unbearable. And a lot of that story starts with how we label ourselves.

Speaker 1:

One thing that Neo said that really jumped out as well, and this is directly relevant to anyone who has ever called themselves a problem drinker or an alcoholic or maybe just somebody that can't control it, is the label itself becomes the limit. And he talked about how the rehab and recovery community has actually moved away from calling people addicts. Not because addiction isn't real, but because when you call someone an addict, what most people hear is, That's who I am. That's fixed. That's permanent.

Speaker 1:

That's my identity. And he made the distinction between using a label as a map versus becoming the map. A map is useful. If I know I struggle with alcohol in a certain situation, that's information. That tells me where I am and helps me figure out how to get somewhere else.

Speaker 1:

That's the label working for me. But the moment I say I'm an addict, I have no control. This is just how I'm wired. Now the label isn't a map anymore. Now it's a ceiling.

Speaker 1:

And that ceiling shows up in the craving moments specifically. Because if I already believe that I'm somebody who can't handle this, then when the craving hits, it feels like confirmation. Of course, I feel this way. This is who I am. And of course, I'm going to give in.

Speaker 1:

This is what I do. That's not the craving beating you. That's the story beating you before the craving even gets a chance to pass. So part of what I want you to take from this episode is a different question to ask yourself. Is this label I'm carrying actually serving me?

Speaker 1:

Is it a map that helps me navigate? Or is it a story that's already decided the ending? A craving is just a craving. It's not proof of who you are. Near also talked about this experiment, and this is pretty interesting.

Speaker 1:

A researcher named Kurt Richter, back in the 1950s, it was a little bit controversial, where he put wild rats in water cylinders. Left to themselves to swim, they give up and drown in about fifteen minutes. But when he pulled them out just before they went under, he let them recover and then put them back in. They swam for sixty hours. The same rat, the same water, nothing changed physically.

Speaker 1:

What changed was the belief that the rescue was possible. That persistence might mean something. I think about that a lot with cravings because a lot of people carry what I'd call hopelessness belief about a specific moment. I can make it all day, but not after dinner. I'm fine during the week, but not on Friday nights.

Speaker 1:

And that belief becomes self fulfilling. You hit that moment, you already believe it's over, and so it is. What if the craving showing up isn't the end of the story? What if it's just a moment in the story? Here's the other thing that Nir said that I think is important.

Speaker 1:

He goes pretty hard against manifesting and visualization as most people do it. Just picturing yourself drinking less, imagining the future version of you who has it all figured out, that doesn't work. And there's actually research showing that it can make you less likely to do the work because your brain starts to feel like you're already there. What works is preparing for the hard moment and I mean getting specific about it. Pick your hardest moment, the one that gets you almost every single time.

Speaker 1:

Maybe it's after work when you walk in the door and the day is finally done. Maybe it's a Friday when everyone is around you unwinding. Or maybe it's dinner out with somebody and they top up your glass without even asking. Whatever it is, pick that moment and be honest about it. Now walk through it in your head.

Speaker 1:

Walk in the door, drop your bag, and that craving is there. Your body knows what it usually does next. What are you going to do instead? Are you going to go for a walk first? Make a specific drink that isn't alcohol?

Speaker 1:

Maybe text somebody, go change your clothes and give yourself five minutes before you actually make any decisions. Or maybe, what are you going to say when your spouse pours a glass and looks at you? What are you going to say at the restaurant when the server asks if you want another one? The actual words, not just the vague plan, is something to figure out. And then what are you going to do with the feeling itself when you're sitting there and it doesn't go anywhere for a few minutes?

Speaker 1:

Because it might not go anywhere for a few minutes. And that's normal. That's what a craving feels like when you don't immediately act on it. The preparation is what makes it bearable. You've already been there in your head.

Speaker 1:

You've already survived it once. And that changes the math when the real moment arrives. So that's what mental contrasting actually is. You hold the goal drinking less, feeling better, waking up clear and you also hold the real obstacle, the specific hard moment. And you work out what you're going to do when those two things collide.

Speaker 1:

That's taking the goal seriously enough to actually prepare for it. So here's what I want you to try this week. Next time the craving shows up, and it will, just pause. Name it. Don't call it a problem yet.

Speaker 1:

Don't call it a failure. Just call it what it is, a signal. Then notice the story you're about to pile on top of it because that story is almost always what turns craving into suffering. And then ask yourself one thing: Can I let this be here for maybe sixty seconds without turning it into a command? Not forever.

Speaker 1:

Just sixty seconds. Give it a try. Because that's where it starts to change when you realize you don't have to obey it. A craving is not a command. It's just a signal.

Speaker 1:

And that's a very different thing. Okay. Thanks for hanging out with me this week. If you got anything out of this, please rate and review wherever you're listening to. Of course, email me mikesunnyside dot co.

Speaker 1:

I got a few last week. Thank you for writing in and I look forward to hearing from you. And until next time, cheers to your mindful drinking journey.