Send us Fan Mail A cheap SUV booking, a midnight shuttle to a sketchy lot, and a surprise upgrade to a luxury Mercedes turned into an x-ray of my deepest money beliefs. I thought I wanted passive income and a bigger online business—until my body told a different story: more visibility felt dangerous, responsibility felt heavy, and wealth felt like a target on my back. That night exposed how safety, not strategy, decides what we allow ourselves to hold. We dig into the patterns underneath the...
A cheap SUV booking, a midnight shuttle to a sketchy lot, and a surprise upgrade to a luxury Mercedes turned into an x-ray of my deepest money beliefs. I thought I wanted passive income and a bigger online business—until my body told a different story: more visibility felt dangerous, responsibility felt heavy, and wealth felt like a target on my back. That night exposed how safety, not strategy, decides what we allow ourselves to hold.
We dig into the patterns underneath the panic: old scarcity from post-COVID upheaval, the reflex to fix and rescue as a way to feel loved, and the subtle ways codependency keeps us focused on controlling others instead of regulating ourselves. I share how taking radical responsibility changed my relationship with my daughter and why upgrading your identity is less about grit and more about building a nervous system that can handle being seen, paid, and supported. If you’ve ever braced when something good arrived, this conversation will feel like a mirror.
This is Soma Rising: Conversations for a Conscious Future —where health, wealth, love, and purpose flow together on the Golden Path of alignment. Learn more at somatribe.org
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Tabitha MacDonald is an Intuitive Coach and Bodyworker committed to helping people overcome pain fast so they can experience the love, success, freedom, and fulfillment they deserve.
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Soma Rising: Conversations for a Conscious Future
Welcome to Soma Rising, the podcast where science meets spirit and healing becomes the art of alignment.
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SPEAKER_00: Today, I want to
tell you a story about
unconscious beliefs.
My name is Tabitha MacDonald.
Welcome back to the Soma Flow
podcast, where we explore the
intersection of mind, body, and
soul transformation and how the
unconscious patterns you don't
even know you're running are
actually the ones running your
life.
Have you ever noticed that when
you're really going for
something, it seems like there's
a big hurdle or challenge that
comes in and like prevents you
from getting that thing that you
want.
So the last 30 days I've been
working specifically around
money beliefs and wealth
manifestation and generation.
And I have an online business
and I have a podcast and I have
things that I'm doing to start
building out passive income.
Cause I've always had the
mindset that like you have to
work hard for your money, you
have to be present, like that
time mentality around money
generation.
And as I wanted to go for an
online business, as I wanted to
create passive income, I'm
coming up against hurdles.
I didn't even know that I was
gonna have to jump over around
money, around wealth and
responsibility, consistency,
leadership, being seen.
The list is very long.
So we've been working through
those in my business class, and
I've had a lot of aha moments
about how I've gotten in my own
way.
And the great news is it's me
who's gotten in my own way.
There's no some mystical force
that's like preventing me from
having great success.
That's a hundred percent just
me.
And I actually like being in
that place because that means I
have the ability to shift it.
So here we are doing all of this
work.
I'm gonna tell you right now, it
was emotionally exhausting.
I had to take a lot of hard
looks at choices I've made since
COVID, because of COVID, what
happened to my business after
COVID.
And then I had some other really
life-altering events that
created even more catastrophic
thinking around money and
wealth.
Mostly that money is not really
safe.
And if you have it, you're gonna
be a target of attack.
And here it is.
It's Saturday night.
My daughter needs my help.
She was recently in a car
accident, and um, luckily she's
safe.
She's fine, everything's fine,
but she's also moving into an
apartment.
And then, like, one of those
things is hard for an adult
who's had a lot of life
experience navigating
challenges.
Both of those things and
navigating a breakup at the same
time, that's hard.
That's really hard.
And we were gonna go to
Disneyland for my 50th birthday,
but life happens and we weren't
able to, so you know, the path
was to come go down to Arizona
and help her get settled and her
new, and her her new experience
of the next level of adulting.
And my plans shifted because I
got sick.
I got really sick.
And I don't normally get sick,
but this cold or whatever I got
took me down.
And I could not drive down the
way I had planned.
And I turned 50 and I was really
upset because I thought, look,
oh, why bother planning
anything?
It never goes as planned.
This is another belief.
And so I had to shift all of my
plans, and I booked a flight
using miles, and it was um late
at night, and then I wanted to
find a rental car so that um we
had a car that I could drive
around in.
And I looked for like the
cheapest SUV I could find
because I knew we were gonna be
moving furniture and stuff like
that.
So I go on Expedia and I find a
cheap SUV, and it was like gonna
be like a Ford, you know, small
SUV, enough for us to get around
in.
And I booked it on Expedia, not
realizing like how Expedia works
and like bringing together a lot
of sometimes not so known
companies.
So I'll just say that I should
have done a little bit more
research, but I was in a hurry
and I was sick.
And so I was mostly just looking
at the bottom line and the price
tag.
So here it is, it's already late
at night.
It's like what 10:30 when my
plane lands.
I'd already worked all day and
I'm still recovering from a
cold.
And I get off and then I get a
text message from this rental
car company saying you have to
follow these instructions, like
some weird spy game.
You have to go take a write at
the third poll on the, you know,
it's like it's those kind of
weird instructions, and I'm
thinking, what did I just get
myself into?
I thought this was like a
company that would just be at
the gate, like all the other
ones.
No, it came with a map, secret
codes, like all kinds of weird
stuff.
So there it is, like it's late,
I'm tired, I'm dragging my
suitcase across the Phoenix
airport, hoping this company
doesn't close because now it's
getting you know past 11.
And oh, so then you have to take
a take this weird elevator, and
then you have to go wait for a
shuttle, and then the shuttle
takes you off site.
So we get into this dark van in
the middle of the night in
Phoenix, and I'm starting to
freak out.
So it I'll just say that I'll
backstory to a smidge.
The lady who sat next to me on
the plane must have been on
drugs because she was one of
those people who was like
looking around and like kind of
sketch and kept making weird
like faces, and I and I was
like, I feel like she's on meth
or something, and I'm not
feeling totally safe.
So I'm gonna preface this by
saying I didn't feel totally
safe getting off of the plane.
So this whole like adventure
made me feel even less safe.
Now, safety is hugely important
to me, especially as a woman
walking around in a city.
I don't really know at night,
especially 11:30 at night.
So we get into this shuttle with
all of these people.
There's like, I think three
families in there.
And it freaked me out because I
did not feel safe.
I was like, I don't know if this
company's legit.
This is how I die.
They're taking me to some like
drug lord's house, and I'm gonna
be sold off into the middle of
the night.
No one will ever see me again,
and nobody will help my daughter
get a new car.
So this is my mind, right?
Because it's late at night.
I'm sick.
I haven't had a lot of
opportunity to manage my mindset
that day.
And actually, that's not true.
I totally was managing my
mindset that day.
I just, you know, this just
pushed my nervous system over
the edge.
Have you ever had that
experience where you were like
in a situation and you're like,
logically, I don't think, you
know, I'm gonna be taken away
and killed.
But like there's something in my
brain that's telling me right
now that this is how I die.
So um, so I get in there and
it's this weird house, like
looking building, and there's
like drug addicts outside
wandering the street.
And I know they're drug addicts
because of how they walk and how
they're dressed, you know.
I can make safe assumptions that
they roll on, that there's a lot
of people around me on drugs.
And so I'm already on like hyper
alert, and I'm like, why is
there this random car place in
the middle of this like
drug-infested part of Phoenix?
And why is it in this old house
with like disco music?
It was like house music playing,
and it was dark, and there was
like these like lines of for
like you know, uh, what you
would see like going into a
club, and it was so weird.
And I get to the counter and the
guy starts asking me strange
questions, and then he keeps
going back to this secret room
and coming back out and then
giving me different information.
And I'm like, oh great, this is
definitely how I die, right?
Like, this is it.
Like, I'm glad there's other
people here.
At least I won't be dying alone.
And so, but also I was like,
There, it was just weird.
I'd never had this kind of
experience at a car dealership
or not at a car rental place.
And so by the third time, he
comes back out and he goes,
Okay, well, it's gonna be an
extra$500.
And um, I was like, wait, what?
What didn't say that online?
Like Expedia never said it was
gonna be extra.
And he goes, Oh, well, you'll
get it back.
It's an extra deposit.
And so I'm thinking in my head,
like, this is a scam, and I need
to get an Uber out of here, but
I'm also not gonna go outside
and wait for an Uber in the
middle of this neighborhood
where there's like people
walking around who don't look
safe.
So here I am in this dilemma.
I'm like, I'm just gonna have to
fork over the money and I'll
deal with Expedia later and and
and whatever is going on.
So finally, after this guy goes
back and forth to this private
room a bunch of times, comes
out, um, and then he says, Okay,
now go outside and your car will
be there.
So I go outside, and this lady
pulls up in this what had to
have been the most expensive car
I've ever driven in.
It was like this large Mercedes
SUV.
And she hands me the key.
And um, I've never driven a
Mercedes ever.
And I couldn't even figure out
how to turn it on or how to put
it in drive.
And then bless her heart, the
lady who brought who brought me
the car didn't speak English.
And she's looking at me like I'm
absolutely insane because she's
like, You don't know how to
drive this car.
And I'm like, no, I drive
Toyotas.
Like, I don't know where's the
shifter, it's not even there.
Like, how, like, how do you put
it into drive?
Like, it was really, and now I'm
freaking out because I'm like,
now I'm like gonna drive off the
lot in this car, and I don't
even know how to put it in
drive.
And how do I even know?
So this is what's happening in
my mind.
It was, I'll just say it was an
absolute shit show because I'm
sitting there thinking, this car
probably costs more than my
house.
I don't even know if I have
enough insurance to cover it.
Should the people on the street
carjack me?
Like that's what this is what's
going on in my head right now.
And then as I start driving, I
haven't figured out how to make
it work.
Driving off the lot, my brain
starts going wild.
There was a guy who just told me
about a carjacking at a party I
had been at a couple days
before.
And I'm like, oh, great, this is
this is how it this is how it
happened.
Someone's gonna carjack me
because of this car.
And if someone hits me, I'll owe
thousands of dollars.
Or worse yet, someone's gonna
hit me, then carjack me, and
then probably kill me.
And like now I'll owe money for
the car and I'll like be dead,
or like worse yet, somewhere
else in a hospital.
So this is like literally going
through my mind as I'm pulling
off the lot, right?
And I not any part of me felt
grateful to have this nice,
beautiful luxury vehicle.
All I could think of is I don't
want this kind of
responsibility, and this is not
safe.
There's probably a tracker on
the car, and this is how we die.
Like I um I'm laughing because
saying it out loud now, it seems
so ridiculous.
In the moment, I felt very
afraid.
And I think in the moment is
when it hit me, all of my old
money fears were right there in
the driver's seat with me.
I didn't feel safe being seen
with something expensive.
I didn't feel safe being the
person with a nice car, and I
didn't feel safe holding that
much value.
It wasn't the car that scared
me.
It was the part of me that still
believed that having more makes
you unsafe and makes you a
target.
And here's the thing when we do
deep unconscious work, when we
start recoding our old identity,
we don't always feel the shift
while it's happening.
But the universe will test that
new structure.
It'll say, Are you sure you're
ready to hold this kind of
wealth?
Was I ready for a new level of
wealth?
Did I feel safe in it?
Or did I still have resistance
living in my body that was used
to struggling?
And is this like the old
identity coming up, creating
this?
Or was it just a little bit of a
check in to see if I was ready
for the thing that I said I
wanted, which was wealth and
success?
So if you've been doing the
work, like journaling or
recoding and any kind of therapy
or coaching or shadow work, and
it feels like everything is
falling apart, it might actually
be that your new structure is
being given a test drive.
This also mirrors what's been
happening in my relationship
with my daughter, with my
business, with my friends, with
my love life.
I've been healing a lot of
codependency strategies that
have prevented me from having
the kind of love that I want,
the kind of love that my soul
knows that I want.
And part of that pattern was
always trying to fix, trying to
rescue, trying to control
everything outside of me so I
could feel safe, supported,
loved, a deep sense of belonging
inside of me.
So my daughter and I used to
bond over talking about other
people, always blaming the
outside world for how things
were going in our lives.
And since I've been doing all of
my healing work, I don't do that
anymore.
I take full responsibility for
the way that my life appears and
what's happening in it.
That was a huge part of my
recovery from being codependent,
was taking full responsibility
for my emotional state without
blaming anyone or anything
outside of me for it.
And because of that, I don't
usually sit around talking about
people anymore.
Like there's no, oh my God, this
person did this to me, and this
is why I can't have what I want.
And I realized that that's how
she was raised because I was
very codependent, right?
So it was always like, well, we
um it's my partner's fault that
we're having all of this drama,
or it's this person's fault, or
it's this person's fault.
Like uh, without fully owning my
feelings.
And I didn't realize it until I
she moved away and I started
doing a lot of my unconscious
restructuring work, recode work,
and changing my identity to
someone who lives in a more
secure attachment style.
And then when we get together
sometimes, she'll be like, Oh,
why can't you just be like how
it used to be?
And that would be like where we
would sit around and bitch and
moan about how other people
were, if they would change, then
we could feel better.
And sometimes we have a hard
time relating now because I
don't do that anymore.
And I realize that I'm the one
who changed the rules of the
game.
I'm the one who changed how I
see the world and how I relate
to it.
And sometimes she doesn't know
who I am in that place.
And so she struggles to know me,
not because she's she's bad, but
because she's used to growing up
with a mom who actually was very
codependent and felt very
disempowered by other people's
behavior.
So to be a new version of me and
going and seeing her, I have to
hold a lot of compassion and
grace for her experience of kind
of getting to know me.
But then also my old shit comes
up, right?
So, like I'm here wanting to
help her and rescue her, but
also hold boundaries and
integrate all of the nice
structural work I've done around
a secure attachment style.
And meanwhile, I'm also dealing
with her in a really upregulated
state because she's going
through big adult stuff that's
scary.
And it should be scary because
adulting is, let's just be
honest, it's not always fun,
right?
And so my like blame about
myself, my own parenting, and my
mom guilt is like up, right?
It was like, oh man, if only I
had given you a better dad, or
if only I hadn't made poor
relationship choices, you
wouldn't have learned that from
me, or maybe if I hadn't have,
you know, been so resistant to
my online business, I'd have
more money and I could help you
out.
And all of this mom guilt is
running in my head like an old
recording of an old identity,
like kind of like you just turn
on a rerun of an old show and
you're like, I don't think I
like that show anymore, but it's
so good, I don't want to stop
watching it.
And then all of a sudden you're
like fully mesh, and it's like
two days later, and you're still
watching the old show, and
you're like, oh crap, what
happened to the new one?
I don't know because I'm back in
the old one.
So this comes from this old
structure of codependency, and
it comes up when I'm around her
specifically because there's
this part of me that's like,
well, I don't know how to be her
mom in this new place, and I
don't want her to stop loving
me.
And it comes from that deep
wound of not belonging, of
rejection, of guilt, like the
old stuff, right?
Of being codependent.
And I remember like when she was
little, I always blamed everyone
else for being overweight, why I
lost my money.
It was the government's fault,
it was COVID's fault, um, why my
relationships didn't work, it's
not my fault.
I always date narcissists, I
always date addicts, like I
don't have a choice.
This is how I was raised, and I
can't get out of it.
Like, there's just this prison
of my old identity.
And the truth is, none of that's
true.
Those are all lies.
They're all lies that my
unconscious tells me and
continues to tell me.
And the only way you really know
if you're buying the old story
is by looking at the results you
have in your life.
Codependency is a trap and it
keeps us focused outward instead
of inward.
And the truth is it's your
relationship with your yourself
that determines how safe you
are, how wealthy you are, how
loved you feel.
It's the relationship that you
have with you, how aligned you
are with your higher self, with
your with your soul, with who
you really are, your higher
level of consciousness outside
of all of these human
conditions.
And whenever I'm around her, I
really struggle with my old
patterns because I have mom
guilt, to be honest.
And it's like, oh, well, if I
help her fix her financial
problems, she maybe she'll need
me again and I'll have I'll have
meaning back in my life.
But when I do that, I'm not
helping her.
I'm holding her back from
creating her own wealth story,
aren't I?
I'm keeping both of us trapped
in the old frequency of struggle
and disempowerment.
Like life is happening to us,
not through us, not because of
us.
Your unconscious is always
looking for evidence to prove
your beliefs true.
If you believe people or
circumstances are responsible
for how you feel, your
unconscious will constantly find
situations to validate that.
But when you start believing you
are at cause for your reality,
that you are the source of your
wealth, peace, and power, your
unconscious begins aligning with
that empowered state.
Look around your life right now.
Look at your health, your
relationships, your finances,
your sense of purpose.
They are all mirrors of what
your unconscious assumes life
should be.
Beliefs are simply automated
choices, and most of them are so
old and embedded that we don't
even see them as beliefs.
We see them as truth.
This is where coaching has
helped me probably the most
because I wasn't able to
identify my beliefs.
I could only identify like maybe
thoughts or things like that,
but the deep rooted, rooted,
root-level beliefs I couldn't
see because they were too true.
Coaching helped me realize that
we are constantly needing to
look at the outcomes in our
lives so that we can see what
beliefs are still running the
show, like a rerun.
I would also say that this is
why recode work is so powerful
because it updates those
unconscious programs so that
your your reality, your
structure of reality and your
identity can finally support
what your soul is trying to
create, what your soul is going
to create, and what the universe
is going to gently or not so
gently guide you towards.
And we want to utilize the tools
that are available to us to
explore that.
So I'm gonna give you a little
homework assignment or a little
self-development tool that I
actually really love.
So I love using ChatGPT for
helping me uncover my
unconscious patterns.
So I went into ChatGPT and I
said, here's my current
financial situation: the good,
the bad, the ugly.
Can you tell me what unconscious
program, what unconscious belief
structure is operating in the
background that I'm not allowed
to know?
And once I told it the story
about the Mercedes and driving
off, Chad GBT gave me the exact
belief that was stopping me from
building my online business.
And once I saw the belief that
clearly, there was this like
moment of, ah, I see it now.
I couldn't have seen it myself.
And you can do that by like
saying Chad GPT act like a um
life or business coach or money
coach or uh, I usually like to
say an intuitive coach.
And here's the scenario.
Can you help me find the
unconscious belief that's
preventing me from having the
kind of soul-aligned success and
wealth that that I know I can
see in my mind?
And then it'll usually give you
not only here's probably what
the belief structure is, but
also here's how to bridge out of
it and reframe it.
Also, I like to use the recode
for this.
So you can use your
superconscious to recode and
restructure your reality.
And it's really fascinating
because you start making these,
you when you're working with
your unconscious structure of
reality, you're making so many
shifts that you don't even
remember the old structure half
the time until you get put into
a situation and all of a sudden
you're just covered in this ick
feeling and you're like, this
isn't me.
But then you realize that was
you, but you've just made so
many shifts in your identity
that that's no longer the home
you live in.
And it's not a bad thing because
that home wasn't broken.
That home was necessary to get
you to the home that you live in
now.
Just like my first car was this
dinky yellow dots, and I think
they made like 400 of them in
the whole world.
I think the thing was like 400
bucks, and I maybe lasted 100
miles.
It did not last long.
I don't even think they sold
replacement parts.
That's how few of them were.
That was my first car.
My next car was a Honda Civic
hatchback, and it was a little
bit better.
It was$1,200, right?
And then my next car was an
up-level from that, and then my
next car was an up level from
that.
That think about that as you're
unconscious.
Gradually you just think, like,
wow, I'm just up-leveling, and I
can't even imagine buying that
little old yellow dots and
anymore.
But I'm so glad I did because I
learned how to buy a car.
And then I learned, you know,
what kind of car not to buy.
And then, you know, make sure
they're still making them so
that there's parts available.
Um, things like that.
And then, you know, as you
start, and then here it is, the
universe is like, well, you said
you want wealth.
Here's this beautiful Mercedes
that's actually cheaper than
anything else on the market
because, you know, of what
happened.
And um, how comfortable are you
in it?
Not comfortable at all,
actually.
I was freaking out the whole
time I was in Phoenix.
All I could see was people
trying to hit me in their cars.
Like, I mean, to be fair, there
were a lot of car accidents on
the road, and Phoenix Scottsdale
drivers are a little bit,
they're a lot different than
Oregon drivers.
And so, like, to be fair, I also
work on a lot of car accidents,
so I'm always looking for danger
because I hear accident stories
all day long and what happens to
people.
So there's a few other reasons
why that was happening.
But also, the universe was like,
you said you wanted wealth,
here's something that represents
wealth.
How comfortable are you in it?
And the answer was I wasn't.
I wasn't at all.
And as I was driving through
this like Phoenix neighborhood,
and here I am driving this
Mercedes through the dark, these
sketchy streets, it started
dawning on me that money is not
dangerous.
It's how I respond to it.
That's why I can't have it, or I
choose not to have it, or I
resist creating the kind of
wealth that my soul is begging
me to create.
Because money is not dangerous.
The car wasn't testing me, my
identity was testing me.
Was I ready for the kind of
soul-aligned success and wealth
that I know I've been asking
for?
Or did I still have some work to
do?
Did I maybe need to get like a
Highlander first, or you know,
something like that?
So, when was the last time
something good triggered your
survival response?
It made me feel very betrayed,
to be honest.
Like, why did I make such a poor
choice?
Now, all of this sounds very
strange coming out of my mouth,
and probably a lot of you are
thinking, like, why wouldn't you
have been super excited to have
this really nice car?
Well, because it came with a lot
of financial responsibility.
And that's the thing that I've
been working with with my new
online business was a new bigger
business has a lot more
responsibility.
It's going to take me learning
how to manage wealth in a
different way, manage a lot more
people because it's a group
program.
So instead of it being
one-on-one, it's gonna have more
people needing assistance at the
same time.
Do I have the structure set in
place?
What do I need to do?
Who do I need to grow into to be
the CEO of the company that I'm
growing?
And I'm so grateful for that
Mercedes-Benz and that dodgy car
rental place because it pulled
all of that up for me to
integrate, to explore and to
examine where the cracks in my
foundation are still hiding, are
still stopping me from creating
the kind of life that my soul is
leading me towards.
And I'm happy about it.
And I know that that experience
was happening for me, not to me.
And that's how I know my
unconscious identity has
shifted.
Because being able to say that
with absolute certainty that it
was happening for me, that I
created it, that it was
happening through me made me
realize that I'm the boss of my
life now.
And that actually feels pretty
darn good.
So I want to ask you: do you
feel any lack of safety when you
think about money?
Or holding abundance?
It could be abundant love,
health, being in alignment with
your purpose, your higher self,
your intuition.
Or do you feel responsible for
it in a way that makes you want
to give it back?
Like if someone gives you a
compliment, you have to give
them a better one back.
If someone wants to gift you
time, do you feel like you have
to give it back double?
And one question I love to ask
myself is what would it take to
just feel worthy of the gifts
the universe wants to bestow
upon me?
And anything in the way of that,
delete, uncreate, and destroy
across all time, dimension,
space, and realities.
That's a little sentence I like
to say when I know there's a
block and I can feel it, but I
don't quite know how to shift it
yet.
And then I just keep focusing on
the thing that I want, the
thing, the vision, the picture
that my soul keeps showing me.
And I just stay committed to the
end result no matter what.
And I know that my identity is
shifting at a at a level, speed,
and pace that it's comfortable
shifting at.
And that requires a tremendous
amount of patience and also
perseverance of staying the
course, even when I feel like
everything's falling apart, and
knowing that it's actually all
just coming.
Together.
If this story resonated with
you, take a moment to reflect on
where you might still feel
unsafe being seen in your
wealth, your gifts, or your
power.
And if you're ready to recode
those old unconscious patterns
that keep you looping in
struggle, come join me inside
Soma Tribe, where we're creating
soul aligned success from the
inside out.
Until next time, stay in your
flow, my friends.
Stay connected to your truths
and remember your soul is the
safest place you can be.
Much love.