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This week we explore the key habits that help maintain the spark in your relationship. We discuss the importance of spending quality time together, emphasizing that it's not just about being physically present but truly connecting emotionally and intentionally. The significance of setting aside time for shared experiences and meaningful activities to continue to maintain and strengthen your bond. Communication is another cornerstone of a healthy relationship, and we focus on how open, honest conversations build trust and prevent misunderstandings. We also touch on love languages and why understanding your partner’s unique way of giving and receiving love can deepen your connection. Throughout the episode, we also share practical tips on prioritizing each other, practicing empathy, and checking in on the emotional health of the relationship. Whether through small gestures, meaningful conversations, or understanding each other’s needs, keeping the spark alive takes effort but leads to a fulfilling partnership. Tune in for helpful advice on nurturing lasting, loving connections!
Creators and Guests
Host
What is The Shrink Down?
Four lifelong friends, all clinical psychologists, unpack the latest in current events, pop culture and celebrity news through the lens of psychology.
Vanessa (00:00.603)
Hello, welcome to The Shrinkdown. Today, we're going to be talking about how to keep the spark in your relationship and also just healthy relationship habits. This episode is going to be dropping on Valentine's Day, so we thought this would be a good time for this topic. We did touch a little bit on this topic. On our very first podcast, we talked about divorce. We talked a little bit about this, relationships, just keeping your relationship alive and healthy. But we're really going to dive into that today.
on this episode. All right, who wants to start first with their fave?
Lauren (00:35.717)
I'll go. So I was just chatting with the ladies before we hopped out to record about whether or not they had this product, this location in their area. And so it may be an online order if anybody's actually interested in the Chicagoland or Maryland area. But I'm sharing my favorite laundry soap today. So this is for my Michigan people, my Michigan listeners. It's Buff City Soap. I did just check. You can order it online.
Vanessa (00:36.474)
Okay, Lauren.
Lauren (01:05.137)
This is the Fresh Cotton scent. It is so, it's delightful. So I started using it, my mom and I actually both started using it, oh gosh, maybe a year ago now, I don't know. And we were doing just like our towels and our sheets with it. And I have become so obsessed with it that I use it for everything now. It smells so good, it's clean. They fill it for you right there in the store.
Wilhelmina (01:07.534)
Thank
Lauren (01:30.137)
So like, don't do a ton. I know we were talking a couple episodes about like the toxic and like all this stuff. I don't do a ton of good stuff, but this is one of those. And then they give you a dollar off if you bring back in your container. So it's a fun little store. They have hand soaps and bath bombs and all that kind of stuff. So I know it's very popular for young girls to have like birthday parties at and things like that, because they'll do like make your own bath bomb. But I personally am just a laundry soap connoisseur there. It's awesome.
Wilhelmina (01:30.254)
No.
Wilhelmina (01:41.762)
Well,
Lauren (01:59.663)
I love it. So that's my fave.
Vanessa (02:01.863)
check that out. All right Terry what are you sharing today?
Wilhelmina (02:02.85)
I love it.
Teri (02:05.883)
Mine is a TV show that came out around winter break, Christmas time, I think, on Amazon Prime called Beast Games, which is hosted by the popular YouTuber Mr. Beast. I am not very inclined to let my kids watch a lot of YouTube so they know who Mr. Beast is and they've seen it, but they're not super familiar because YouTube is technically social media, blah, blah, blah, and then all the things they can click on on the side.
Lauren (02:10.563)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Lauren (02:18.619)
Hmm?
Lauren (02:26.266)
Yeah.
Wilhelmina (02:33.646)
The rabbit hole of YouTube is dark and deep.
Lauren (02:34.639)
Yes. Yes.
Vanessa (02:34.843)
Yeah, we don't do, we're not on YouTube at our house.
Teri (02:35.519)
Yes. Yeah. So, but they know who he is. I actually had to Google him. It's hard not to know who he is. Yes. And for Christmas, both last year and this past year, my youngest, Tommy, who's seven, asked for a Mr. Beast lab. If you've seen those, it's the toy where, yes, we got, did we get Griffin one? I think so. Yes. They're really, they're really fun. I mean, it's
Lauren (02:41.219)
It's hard not to know who he is with all the product placement. He's all over Walmart. Like, he's everywhere. Yeah.
Lauren (02:54.915)
yeah. Mm-hmm. It's like a little science-y thing. Yeah.
Wilhelmina (02:55.628)
You- Griffin has one of those. Yes. Yes! I- You got it! I was like, you got it for her! Yes!
Lauren (03:02.609)
They're cute.
Teri (03:05.407)
plastic, you know, whatever, like it's a pretend experiment and this beast thing comes out. But anyways, there is a game show that I think people of all ages would really like. There's eight episodes on Amazon Prime and it is, it starts off with a thousand people trying to win $5 million and they do all sorts of physical and mental challenges. And it is a good old fashioned elimination game show that my kids love.
Lauren (03:08.859)
Yeah.
Lauren (03:15.15)
Absolutely.
Teri (03:32.467)
My husband and I were watching it together as a family. So it's something that I actually want to sit on the couch and watch with my kids. So I would highly recommend Beast Games.
Lauren (03:38.533)
Yeah.
Wilhelmina (03:38.914)
Nice.
Lauren (03:41.955)
It's fun. We're watching it also. And I will say, just to add on to what you're saying, Terry, it's like good, clean fun. There's no language you have to be concerned about. There's no suggestive content. It's just, it's really well produced. I've been very impressed. You know, he's only like 27 or something. He's a very young man and it is, it's, like, there's a little intellectual component to it. It's a lot of fun. Yeah. We're enjoying it also. Yeah. Yeah, it's cute.
Teri (03:47.187)
Yes.
That's a good point.
Teri (03:58.751)
I know, I know.
Teri (04:04.841)
Yes.
Good points.
Wilhelmina (04:08.622)
I'll have to check that out. have not. I don't think I knew who he was, but then when you said that he's an app, I was like, yeah, I do know that.
Lauren (04:11.77)
It's cute.
Vanessa (04:13.947)
I don't know who he is.
Teri (04:16.735)
Mm-hmm.
Lauren (04:17.583)
You know, he got involved in talking about the purchase of TikTok. He's got like that much money.
Teri (04:22.32)
yeah, he's a big deal in the social media influencer world.
Lauren (04:28.603)
But he also gives, he's incredibly charitable. So he gives a lot back. he's in the world of YouTube. He's one of the ones you can feel actually okay about. But like to Terry's point, go over to Amazon Prime and just like watch the show. Then there's none of that other stuff there.
Teri (04:30.975)
Yeah, he's very philanthropic.
Teri (04:38.175)
He's a good guy. Yeah.
Vanessa (04:44.775)
Well, Amina, what are you sharing today?
Wilhelmina (04:47.724)
Yeah, I am actually going to also share a TV show, but this is an old one. I don't know when it came out, Lauren. Do you remember one or two years ago?
Lauren (04:55.185)
I think it was, no, I don't think it was that long ago. I think it was just like this fall. Really? All right, you talk about it, I'll look. Okay.
Wilhelmina (04:59.63)
No, it wasn't this. No, it was like a year ago. Yeah, I think it was about a year ago. And it's called Jury Duty. And the reason I'm bringing it up now, because I actually watched it when it did come out. But okay. So my husband actually just recently got called for jury duty. And we've been talking a lot about it. And Terry and my husband and I have been just chatting. And in
Lauren (05:12.729)
you're right, 2023. Yeah.
Wilhelmina (05:27.542)
while we've been chatting, was like, Terry, have you ever seen Jury Duty? And as I was thinking about it, I was like, I really want to go back and watch that. That was a good one. So it's just super primed on my mind. It is basically like it's just one season, and that's it. It's quick. It's very funny. It's about a guy that
It's like an office, like an office, like it's a fake documentary kind of thing. Like they're going through this guy that's called for jury duty and like his experience through it. But then there's some extra, do they, what do they say, Lauren, at the beginning? I don't want to like give anything away. Do they say?
Lauren (06:06.245)
I would say there's just twists and there's little twists. They might. Yeah. Yeah.
Wilhelmina (06:08.786)
I think the premise of the beginning is laid out. but I don't know. No, I don't want to say anything. Just watch it. Yeah. I think in the very first episode, they explain it. because there are twists, I don't want to give anything away. It is so funny. Like, laugh out loud funny. James Marsden is in it as well. And then it has some very, very sweet, tender moments towards the end. So it's like an all-around good meal.
Lauren (06:13.861)
Just watch it.
Vanessa (06:15.682)
Hahaha!
Wilhelmina (06:38.682)
I don't know where you can watch it. don't even... Prime. Okay, perfect. Here we go. So an old one, but a good one. Not that old, I guess. Vanessa, what about you?
Vanessa (06:49.777)
So I'm going to be sharing, I guess it's, well, it's a food. It's a snack. You can use it for lots of different things. It's cottage cheese, which I will be honest that I hate cottage cheese. But, well, no, because so I don't like cottage cheese. A lot of us are trying to get in our protein. And a friend of mine, Heather, she recommended Good Culture cottage cheese.
Wilhelmina (07:04.46)
So naturally, it's your fave for this week.
Teri (07:17.993)
That's the kind I eat. Yes.
Vanessa (07:19.323)
Yes, and so I really don't like cottage cheese. I have a little bit of PTSD. mean, long story short, when I was a kid, I went to this private Christian school and they had this rule, you had to eat out your food. And one of the things they served was cottage cheese. I am Latin, I eat rice and beans. I do not eat cottage cheese. So it was hard. But anyway, I ate this cottage cheese and it's actually really good. And then I wondered maybe now my palate's changed and I've tried some other ones. No, still don't like cottage cheese, but I do like this one.
Lauren (07:32.452)
off.
Vanessa (07:48.537)
If anyone out there does not like cottage cheese, I highly recommend trying this. It's really good. And I thought I'd share a really good like lunch meal that I use the cottage cheese with for anyone again, who's looking for high protein. So if you take one of those mission carb balance like tortilla things and then I put about a quarter cup of cottage cheese over it, then I use the marinara sauce, Italian seasoning, and then I pop it in the air fryer for like
Lauren (08:05.669)
Mm-hmm. Yep.
Vanessa (08:17.415)
three, four minutes, and then I put turkey pepperoni on top of it. So like a full serving size. So it's like 16 turkey pepperonis. I know that sounds aggressive, but I'm counting my protein. 16 turkey pepperonis. And then I just kind of change up. Sometimes I'll put like mushrooms. Sometimes I cut up like a red pepper. You know, can put whatever veggies you want on it. Today I actually did some bell peppers.
Lauren (08:17.658)
Hmm.
Wilhelmina (08:21.718)
Wow.
Wilhelmina (08:26.71)
aggressive
Teri (08:27.103)
I'm going to get this.
Lauren (08:28.689)
Yeah.
Vanessa (08:44.121)
And then you just pop it back into the air fryer for like another couple of minutes. And it's about 35 grams of protein. Like it's, and it's really good. And it takes like less than 10 minutes to put this thing together and pop it in the oven. So that is my recommendation. Good culture, cottage cheese. And then that's a good way. I also make a really good cookie dough with the cottage cheese. It's like, it's like a cookie dough alternative. It's really good. I'll have to find the recipe for that, but that has like
Lauren (08:51.771)
That's amazing. Yeah.
Teri (08:51.903)
Wilhelmina (08:52.119)
Ow.
Wilhelmina (09:00.846)
love it.
Lauren (09:08.591)
Yep, I've seen that.
Vanessa (09:13.799)
almond flour, vanilla extract, but it's really easy to make. So I found that if I take the cottage cheese and do something with it that I can eat it and get my coconut. I do, but again, I can't put too much in there because then it makes me a little queasy. it has to be the right balance.
Lauren (09:24.059)
Do ever put it in your eggs? I put it in my eggs, in scrambled eggs. Yeah. Yeah. It's like an, it's, it's, to me, it's an easy way to get in a little extra that I don't notice. Yeah.
Teri (09:25.755)
Mm-hmm, I do. I put them in scram. Same. Grumbled eggs.
Vanessa (09:37.711)
Yeah, I have done it. yeah, I just can't put too much because otherwise I feel like it's then then it's not it's kind of goes outside of my realm of things that I can eat. But yeah, like cottage cheese, if you don't like it, I highly suggest trying this kind. If you're like me and not a big cottage cheese person, this one's good.
Teri (09:54.111)
And I am, I ate it at my own decision as a kid. Like I've always liked cottage cheese. Yeah, if it was there, I would eat it. If there was a salad bar or something like I would always eat it. And I will say the Good Culture brand is very good compared to the other ones. It just tastes good.
Lauren (09:59.931)
Yeah.
Wilhelmina (09:59.959)
Yeah, I like it too. Yeah.
Vanessa (10:01.157)
Yeah, I never.
Vanessa (10:06.991)
Yeah, it's
Wilhelmina (10:07.458)
What's different about it?
Vanessa (10:09.863)
Well, first of all, it has less has less ingredients than all the other one. I don't know what they're putting it. It's very clean. Yes Yes
Lauren (10:13.445)
I was just gonna say it's probably a little bit more pure. Yeah.
Teri (10:15.871)
simpler ingredients, so there's not a lot added. The curds are smaller. The curd, it's pretty small compared. So I think if you have the queasy texture factor, it's more, it's not as freaky.
Vanessa (10:19.877)
Yes, I think that's.
Wilhelmina (10:20.088)
Mm-hmm.
Lauren (10:20.561)
Hmm.
Vanessa (10:23.131)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Lauren (10:25.871)
Yeah, that makes sense.
Vanessa (10:28.839)
So yeah, so someone who loves cottage cheese and someone who doesn't, we both agree it's actually a really good cottage cheese to have. All right, so today we're gonna get into the topic of how to keep the spark in your relationship going, some healthy relationship habits, maybe some non-traditional kind of things that people do to kind of keep their relationship going and happy. I thought I'd start off with...
Lauren (10:32.475)
There you go.
Teri (10:34.964)
Yes.
Vanessa (10:54.439)
a snippet that I got from John Deloney. I know you guys know who he is. He's a mental health expert. He talks a lot about relationships. And so was looking at some of some posts he had and he wrote, couples just don't just grow apart. He said they drift from one another over time. Relationships lack intentionality and intentionality is the key to connection. And I just really I really liked the way that was worded. And I like the fact that's like you don't grow apart, you drift apart. It's like
this thing that happens slowly over time. And even I think it can happen in relationships where there is no big argument, no big drama, no major issue that's happened in the relationship. I think that that can just happen over time if you don't intentionally try to keep the relationship going. So I think that that's a really good reminder for all of us in relationships that it's not just about the big, you know,
events that happen that kind of push people apart. It's that lack of intention and trying to find connection that can cause a rift in a relationship.
Wilhelmina (12:01.454)
listening to Julie Gottman, so the Gottmans are like the gurus of couples work, and she had said something, love is a verb and it's something you have to facilitate and nurture. And I like that because I think we think of like, think of the phrase like, I'm just not in love anymore. And it's kind of like, but love, especially when you've been together for a long time is something you have to kind of keep
Vanessa (12:05.718)
yeah, big.
Wilhelmina (12:29.29)
with that, along with that, intentionality. It's like you have to keep putting things into it. And if the minute you sort of take it for granted or sort of like, you know, I don't need to worry about that is sort of when I think that drift can happen.
Teri (12:43.903)
They're like plants. I don't know if we had a professor in one of our couples therapy classes or a supervisor, someone at some point many years ago had said to me that long-term relationships, marriages are like plants where they can live or exist for quite a while with no water, sunlight, nurturing, caretaking, but eventually they will die. And you have to consistently provide it with those different ingredients.
Wilhelmina (12:45.774)
This.
Teri (13:13.151)
And every relationship, I actually had a divorce attorney tell me this for a case I was working on five, six years ago. I actually ended up having to talk to the judge for this case. And the judge had said, I view every marriage as its own individual contract between those two parties. you've seen one relationship, you've seen one. And so what the caretaking looks like for one particular relationship is going to look very different for the next relationship because
Wilhelmina (13:29.526)
Yeah.
Teri (13:42.951)
It's two different individuals of different backgrounds, different cultures, different prior relationship experiences, different careers, personalities, et cetera. And so what nurturing looks like for one relationship is gonna look very different. And it's going to change through the course of the relationship, the longer you're together. What you do now isn't what you're gonna be doing 20 years ago when you first started dating.
Wilhelmina (14:07.33)
I still remember our couples therapy class in graduate school and Tammy had us watch Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf as a demonstration of a super dysfunctional couple. like by the end of it, they were just going to keep doing what they were doing because it is what worked for them as dysfunctional as it was for anyone that came into their path and really not healthy for them. But it was their relationship.
Lauren (14:14.595)
Yeah, I forgot about that.
Teri (14:15.251)
Yeah!
Wilhelmina (14:35.766)
And it was their rules and their history with each other. And for whatever reason, it worked for them. And I thought, I always think about that when I think about couples. You just don't know what's going on within a marriage. The only two people who ever know what's going on within a marriage are those two people.
Teri (14:52.883)
Exactly.
Vanessa (14:53.274)
Absolutely.
Lauren (14:54.319)
I forgot about that example. That's a, that's that I remember that now that you're saying it and it's a great example. That's a great point. Right. Yeah.
Vanessa (14:55.963)
You
Vanessa (15:02.779)
I think last time we talked about when we did the divorce topic, I think came up the 7-7 rule. Didn't we talk about that? Where it's a date night every seven days, a mini getaway, staycation every seven weeks, and every seven months a longer vacation or getaway is what is recommended? Mm-hmm. Yes. OK, we didn't. OK. So yes. this is.
Wilhelmina (15:02.936)
Crazy movie.
Teri (15:13.001)
think so.
Wilhelmina (15:15.32)
Mm-hmm.
Teri (15:22.866)
does it come with a babysitter?
Lauren (15:24.625)
I was like, that actually, no we did not talk about that. Tell me more about that. No, no, no. I'm like, oh.
Wilhelmina (15:30.39)
because I come to the babysitter.
Vanessa (15:32.583)
So this came up on social media, because I was trying to find out where did this come from. So this came through somewhere on social media, but it's this kind of rule of thumb that people are actually suggesting. Caveat, they're like, yes, the 777 rule. But for everyone talking about differences in relationships and needs, it doesn't have to be seven. For some people, going to need more time. They need a 555, right?
Lauren (15:36.995)
Okay. Okay.
Vanessa (15:59.911)
I think the goal of that is really, again, being intentional. Are we having enough dates with one another? Are we getting away from our responsibility so we can really focus on each other periodically? So I do like the concept. But yeah, I think sometimes that's hard to do that because you have kids and you don't have a... So I think just...
Wilhelmina (16:04.002)
Mm-hmm.
Vanessa (16:26.087)
keeping in mind the concept of finding time to be with each other in short and small amounts and then also for longer periods if you can. In thinking of my relationship with my husband, we are really good at doing the mini getaways and the vacations. We do that. We are blessed because we have one child and my parents can help me and I know that. So I don't take that for granted. I know that's not for everyone.
but we really suck at date night. We'll both be like, yeah, we should go to date night. And then I was like, oh, it's cold outside, especially in the winter. But we did recently, so our daughter does gymnastics for like two and a half hours, two days a week. And so we've really been trying to, if we don't go out for date night, just use that time and make dinner. Because of course it's during dinner that she's there. So we'll make dinner and we'll just catch up on whatever we need to catch up on.
Lauren (16:54.321)
No.
Teri (16:54.634)
And.
Lauren (17:00.859)
Mm-hmm.
Teri (17:13.087)
Mhm.
Wilhelmina (17:18.318)
Mmm.
Lauren (17:18.935)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Vanessa (17:22.247)
We're not really good about going out for date nights, but we do try to connect in this time where she's not home. like, really should be finding this time. So it just worked out well that it was like, OK, it's 2 and 1 hours twice a week where we can just kind of catch up what's going on, talk about things that are going on. Sometimes we're talking about planning vacation or a house project or things going on with our daughter or whatever it may be.
Do you guys, what do you guys think about this 7-7 rule?
Teri (17:53.609)
think it sounds great. I think like you said, right, it sounds like maybe if you don't have careers or kids who have activities or a house to take care of, et cetera, that it would be, and like you had said, frequent childcare availability. I will say one thing that my husband and I try to do when we do date nights is a carryover from
Lauren (17:55.303)
yeah. Sounds awesome!
Vanessa (17:55.815)
you
Vanessa (18:11.238)
Yeah.
Teri (18:21.425)
Again, something I heard many years ago before I had kids, where they said, try to avoid discussing your jobs and your kids on date night. And when you try to do that at first, it's pretty challenging because those are, the kid thing is a commonality. It's something you share. It's this shared endeavor between the two individuals. The job thing comes much more easily for both of us.
Wilhelmina (18:28.45)
Yes. Yes.
Teri (18:47.941)
I don't want to hear myself talk about my job. I don't care. I'm at a point in my career where I don't need to discuss unless it's something more practically like, I'm thinking of moving offices. Here's where I'm looking, et cetera. But when it comes to the day to day, unless there's something incredibly stressful, nobody wants to hear anyone talk about their job. I don't want to hear my husband talk about his job unless it's a funny anecdote.
Vanessa (19:10.535)
you
Teri (19:11.775)
I think we're at a stage of life that nobody really cares. And I think as long as you're not over identified with your career choice, it's pretty easy to not talk about your job on a date night. The kid piece is a lot harder if you actually, or sometimes we'll start talking about our kids and then we'll say, okay, that's enough. Like now let's talk about something else.
Wilhelmina (19:21.228)
Yep. Yeah.
Lauren (19:22.737)
So.
Wilhelmina (19:25.739)
It is.
Lauren (19:31.109)
But what's the idea behind that? Because I've got sort of an opposite view, which is when my husband and I actually frequently talk about our kids and our job during date night, and I find it valuable because I will ask his advice in specific things. I mean, not like, what should I do with this client? What do you think this diagnosis is? But more like, hey, I need a different angle on marketing this. Or I'm like, I'm interested in doing this. I'm thinking about doing this. And he's got a really great mind for marketing.
Vanessa (19:50.913)
Yeah.
Teri (19:51.145)
you
Lauren (20:00.783)
very interested in what his perspective would be on something. And in turn, he is always interested in better understanding his employees and the people he's doing business with on a psychological level. So we have those conversations, and I actually find them super meaningful during our time together. And the same with our kids, because there are certain conversations you want to have about your kids that something you notice, something you observe, something you're struggling with.
that I think can actually bring you closer together. These are topics, you had said, it's something you have in common, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Teri (20:40.519)
Right, I think when I think of it, the advice, if I'm recalling right, was that you should be having those conversations, but not on date night. So you should be talking about other things. They actually say it's to bring you back to your courtship era, where those weren't, and I would disagree that work. mean, obviously I think you probably talk a lot about work when you first start dating, but to try to have those connections and threads that...
Lauren (20:56.592)
Yeah.
Lauren (21:01.861)
Yeah.
Teri (21:07.301)
aren't just related to sort of the duties that you have in terms of like your roles, in terms of things that you have to take care of that are responsibility based. Yeah.
Lauren (21:14.831)
Yeah, like the half twos. I think I get that. Yeah, I would say so too.
Vanessa (21:17.369)
Yeah, so think that's different than what you're saying, Lauren. Like, it's different if you're like, OK, who's going to take the kids to practice next week? That's the laundry list. Right, right. I could see you being like, don't table that sort of thing. Yeah, so I think it's probably like a mix of that, right? Where you will.
Teri (21:19.709)
Yeah, I think so.
Lauren (21:23.779)
Totally. Yes. That's your calendar conversation. Yeah.
Teri (21:24.104)
Right.
Teri (21:29.885)
Right.
Lauren (21:32.058)
Right.
Teri (21:38.74)
Yeah.
Lauren (21:39.205)
Well, and here's what I will say about both pieces, both that 777 rule and this idea of like, don't talk about your work or your kids. I think we have to be really cautious about taking advice from people about what to do in your relationship. And that goes all the way back to what you guys were saying, I forget who said at the beginning of it's got to be what works for you. Well, was Wilhelmina, your example of Virginia Woolf prompted that it has to be what works for you. And if you're doing something like you're going on a date every seven days,
Teri (21:52.063)
Yeah.
Lauren (22:08.431)
Like, first of all, that sounds like an influencer came up with that, that has, right? Like, that sounds really idealistic. That's, I, that I find, like, and I think, that sounds, so I guess you have to look at the bigger picture. Vanessa, I do exactly what you do, which is we find time to eat dinner together at home when kids are at a practice or doing like independent reading time in their room or something like that.
Wilhelmina (22:12.94)
I think John Gottman
Teri (22:16.817)
once a week. I think Gottman says once a week.
Vanessa (22:17.651)
I think it's rooted in, but it went around on social media.
Wilhelmina (22:19.394)
Yeah. Yeah, it's rooted in Gottman because he says,
Lauren (22:37.905)
Like, so if that's what we're talking about, like as a date, right? Like I would, I know, see, that's the thing is I'm like, eh, okay. Like this is, in this day and age, I think it's really challenging to think that, I don't think any of us need added pressure. Let's go back to our like existential dread conversation a couple of weeks ago. It's like, do, I don't know, like, right.
Vanessa (22:40.935)
Well, I think they might like go out on a date, I was right. That's hard. Yeah.
Teri (22:52.701)
Mm-hmm.
Wilhelmina (22:53.058)
Yeah, that's true.
Teri (22:56.031)
Mm-hmm.
Wilhelmina (22:57.056)
If you don't do this, your marriage is going to end. Like...
Vanessa (22:58.727)
Right, right. And that's why I said, I don't think it's really, I mean, I'm sure there are people out there following this to the T, but it's really about just thinking of doing that, being intentional. Yeah, like we need to spend time together and how can we do that? So I think that's the bigger message there is how can we make sure that we're spending quality, whatever that means to you in relation to quality time together. And so I think it's not getting, and I was actually reading about it, it was like,
Lauren (23:09.967)
The intentionality behind it, I think, is to your point.
Teri (23:20.255)
Okay.
Vanessa (23:26.651)
don't get bogged down into this, like we must do, right? But it's really about thinking of, are we spending enough time together, good quality time together, and how can that look for us in our current stage of life, right? Because that'll change. At some point, kids are gonna be, our kids are all gonna be teenagers, right? And then you will have more time in theory, or they're gonna go off to college, right? So I think that that can also shift depending on your stage of life of where you're at.
Lauren (23:29.615)
Right.
Wilhelmina (23:42.318)
I'm
Lauren (23:42.427)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Teri (23:42.483)
Hmm?
Lauren (23:46.481)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Vanessa (23:56.229)
and how that can look for you. One of the things that I was reading about was like love languages. Have you guys ever taken a love language test? Yeah. So the love language is from Gary Chapman. He wrote the book, The Love Languages. It's the five languages, The Secret to Love that last. It's an old book and I was looking it up. It was from 1995, but it's apparently been a best seller since 2009. So people really kind of dig it.
Wilhelmina (24:02.08)
yeah, yeah.
Vanessa (24:21.829)
I like the concept of it. And I think I'm trying to tie this back into what we were just talking about, like what works for you, is that people have different love languages, right? And so the five are, yes. And so I think I'm gonna tell you, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation. So I think that depending on, I like this concept. I don't think it's like black and white, right? We were one or the other.
Lauren (24:27.632)
Yeah.
Wilhelmina (24:31.022)
different ways they give love and receive love. They are, oh, ex-business.
Teri (24:33.095)
What are they? What are they, by the way?
Lauren (24:35.181)
or acts of service.
Teri (24:49.183)
Mm-hmm.
Vanessa (24:49.369)
obviously, but I like the concept of what, you know, my love language, right, may be different than my spouse's or ours may be different than another couple's. And so understanding what is, you know, what you find important, how you want to be shown affection or, you know, whatever it may be in your relationship, you know, how do you want your spouse to make you feel important, right, and heard and vice versa.
Lauren (24:59.856)
Right.
Vanessa (25:17.467)
can be very different. And so I think that that also will make a difference in kind of how many date nights are you going on, right? Or what does your date night look like? So I think that that also is a really important thing to remember is that we all have different perceptions of what we need, what we want in a relationship, and that will also affect how our relationship works.
Wilhelmina (25:40.207)
I mean, the love languages, my husband and I talk about them frequently from like a just sort of broad strokes because in reality, and I think they say this in the book, you really need almost all of them within a relationship. but yeah, cause if any of them just was gone, you'd be like, hmm, something's missing, but most, yeah.
Teri (26:02.152)
It's an important piece that'd be missing. Yeah.
Wilhelmina (26:04.558)
But most people have a way that they want to receive the love and they feel most loved. They often have a different way that they give love. So like the way that they show their love. And so within any given relationship, it's potential that you have four different love languages that are going on with, you know, how your husband or partner receives love, how they give love, how you receive love and how you give love. And so I think
and kind of those just kind of on the forefront of your mind. This Christmas, actually, my husband and I had a really big conversation, not big, but like we had a discussion because gifts are one of my love languages in terms of how I give gifts in a very like intentional way. And then in terms of receiving them, like,
They mean really so much when they're thoughtful. And so when someone gives me a very thoughtful gift or something that I really wanted but then didn't ask for and they give it to me, that makes me feel loved. So it's not monetary. It's how the thought and thinking of me and seeing me and knowing me, that's what makes me feel loved. So this Christmas, my husband, he ended up giving me a really nice gift.
I had secretly, of course this was like an unspoken, I had secretly wanted something else and he didn't give it to me. And like we talked about it and we like talked through it. Huh? I know, he did not read my mind. I was like, he is gonna give me this thing. I know it. No, he did not. No, he did not. And what's funny is my husband is a very practical person. Like most people who know Owen would be like, yeah, he is never gonna give you that. Like he is, I mean, just.
Teri (27:33.247)
That which is weird. He's not a month. Isn't that weird that he can't read your mind?
Vanessa (27:39.279)
Couldn't read your mind? Do better. Do better.
Lauren (27:40.465)
How dare he.
Wilhelmina (27:56.129)
Unless you say, I want this, then he might. But he is going to be like, no. But I did say to him, as we're getting older, it's not every all the time, but sometimes I need you to step outside the way you think and look at it the way I think of it. And so there might be, do a little looking at, and I had gone through a rough year, and I was like, this would have been a year where maybe that extra gift would have felt really, would have meant something.
Vanessa (27:59.431)
Same. Yeah.
Wilhelmina (28:25.888)
And so he was like, I didn't even think about it that way. And so we had a conversation around it and it wasn't just like, why didn't you give me this thing? It was literally talking about the love language and what that meant to me as a bigger picture. And it was a good conversation.
Lauren (28:41.285)
No, let me ask yoga. Know that. Go ahead, Terry. What was behind it?
Teri (28:41.362)
and what was behind it. Yeah. No, no, go ahead.
Wilhelmina (28:45.538)
What was the question? Sorry.
Teri (28:47.113)
Well, would, yeah, like, and there's what was behind it. And I think you bring up a good point. You said I had a rough year. The stage that you're at, those different love languages make a big difference. I think there's probably early marriage couples who don't have children, where acts of service are gonna be a lot different than when you have a newborn or a toddler in the house and they remember to take out the garbage or they et cetera. So like, I think at different stages.
Vanessa (28:56.391)
That's good, yeah.
Wilhelmina (29:08.109)
Yes.
Vanessa (29:08.135)
Right.
Teri (29:16.561)
of the relationship and what other contextual variables are at play. Certain love languages matter, carry more weight or not.
Vanessa (29:18.023)
Mm-hmm.
Wilhelmina (29:23.853)
Yes.
Vanessa (29:24.633)
Absolutely. I can think of physical touch when you have a little one and they're already touching you. That's probably not going to be your main, you know. Yes, please don't touch, right? I'm not saying everybody, but I could imagine if you're in that stage of life and you're like, just need to, that that's not going to be. And I think that that's tricky sometimes for partners. You mentioned Wilhelmina that Owen, you have to tell him. I mean, my husband's the same way. I have to tell Mark like,
Wilhelmina (29:29.794)
Me. Yes. Yeah, I am so touched out, like.
Teri (29:36.116)
Yes.
Vanessa (29:54.021)
This is what I want. Here's the mic. And I know other, I have friends whose husbands, they just mention it once and they get it, Yes, it's done, right? They're the awesome gift givers. So I think you have to be direct with your partner, right? If they're not someone who's just naturally kind of intuitive about these things, right?
Teri (29:55.711)
Here is.
Wilhelmina (29:55.747)
Here's the link, here's the size, here it is.
Wilhelmina (30:06.073)
yeah. it's, yes, ordered. It's got, you're like.
Vanessa (30:21.503)
and you have to, if you're not in that, they may be used to you being in a certain phase of life and something being your love language. And that's what they've always done. And this has always worked. Right. And so you're not there anymore and you have evolved over time. It's, it's, it's okay to tell your partner, Hey, this isn't working for me. And, know, hopefully if you're in a good relationship, your partner will be open to, okay. I didn't realize that. And that's, that's okay. And we can have those open, honest conversations with each other about kind of where we're at and what works for us. And.
Teri (30:27.775)
Good.
Wilhelmina (30:29.55)
Yes, yes
Lauren (30:29.84)
Yeah.
Teri (30:47.017)
Mm-hmm.
Vanessa (30:50.887)
I think that's one of the main things about a good relationship is communication, making sure that you're both communicating your needs to one another and not expecting them to know that you need X, Y, and Z without actually articulating that to them.
Wilhelmina (30:51.169)
Absolutely.
Wilhelmina (30:55.97)
Yes.
Lauren (31:08.815)
And that's what I was going to say on your point, Wilhelmina, was does it make it any less special to you if you tell somebody exactly what you need and then they do that? For me, it doesn't. But I know that there are people that struggle with this idea of like, no, I actually want you to read my mind. So I was curious after your conversation with Owen, like, is it OK if you are in this phase right now where you're like, this is kind of what I want and need, and you have to say to him,
Wilhelmina (31:08.888)
Vanessa, that's a really, yeah.
Vanessa (31:19.825)
Yeah, for me it doesn't either.
Teri (31:20.403)
Same for me, it doesn't either. Yeah.
Vanessa (31:23.333)
Yeah. Yeah.
Teri (31:26.847)
Because it means, yeah.
Lauren (31:37.842)
literally here's a picture with the link, right? In that case.
Wilhelmina (31:41.123)
So usually I am actually very good about asking for what I want, like very good. Like I'm good about being like, I want this, I want this, like that isn't a problem. I think this year in October, we had gone into the store, we had looked at this ring, we made like a wish list, so it was there. And in my mind, I was like, there it is. Like that's the, here it is. And so I think it was like, it was unknowingly probably like a test, which isn't fair. It's not fair. But I think I was like, he's gonna do it.
Lauren (32:07.259)
There.
Wilhelmina (32:10.804)
I didn't think I had to mention it because I was like, look, we went into the store, we did this thing. I think he just thought we were like bumming around waiting for a movie to start. I don't think he was thinking about that at all. so I think most of the time when I ask for what I want, I think it's fine. And it doesn't make it any less special. I think there are occasions that I want it to be the thought is organically from within. Yes.
Teri (32:17.567)
It's
Lauren (32:35.153)
thought from that person.
Teri (32:37.853)
Because it implies that maybe there's deeper meaning attached to it, that he really knows you really well. yeah, that there's a deeper meaning beyond just, you know, does how well you know somebody, is that reflected on a gift? Because I'm married to somebody who sometimes hears me mention something and it is something I really want and he's right on the ball. There's equally as many times that I've received gifts where he's like,
Wilhelmina (32:41.58)
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Wilhelmina (32:53.624)
Yes.
Teri (33:06.311)
I heard you tell your friend and I was like, yeah, I didn't really want that though. Like I don't, it's so where he just sort of jumps on it. There was a time when we were dating, this was a really long time ago, where he had gotten me, I had said something about a picture frame. He got me a picture frame from the Sharper Image store that had fake fish. It was motorized with water and it looked like a fake fish tank in front.
Vanessa (33:10.228)
Yeah.
Wilhelmina (33:29.773)
no.
Wilhelmina (33:34.771)
The minute you said sharper image, I was like, no.
Vanessa (33:37.063)
you
Teri (33:37.867)
And then it was along with, had said something about I need to get, I must have said something like I need to get a new folder or a tote to organize. This when we were in graduate school. So he got me this fake fish tank picture frame that was motorized from Sharper Image with this weird old lady briefcase thing. And he's like, isn't this great? He was so excited about both. And I remember thinking, thank you.
I don't really like either of these. And I think I wish I could remember. I want to say I told him that about the briefcase because I returned it. was like, I'm not actually, yeah, like I'm not actually, I'm pretty good about telling him what I like and don't like. I'm like, that's, I just don't like it. And it's no reflection on, you know, that I think you weren't paying attention. Do I think you maybe half-assed it some of the time and heard something once and you're like, check, done. I'll just buy that. Cause I heard her say it. Absolutely.
Wilhelmina (34:15.534)
If you didn't, he's hearing it now.
Vanessa (34:18.167)
I hope.
Lauren (34:18.554)
nehehehe
Wilhelmina (34:22.254)
I know, you're pretty open. You're just like, no, no.
Vanessa (34:22.693)
Yeah. Yeah.
Teri (34:36.413)
But we both, think, are at a stage where we don't put a ton of thought into our gifts. It's just sort of like, yep, that looks good. Sounds good. Yeah. Yeah. Right.
Wilhelmina (34:42.232)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep.
Vanessa (34:44.219)
That's not your love language, right? Then that's, that's right. Yeah, that that's, yeah. And I think, you know, I don't, I know my husband is, he knows this, all his friends, all of our friends know he's not a good gift giver. Like it's, it's, it's become a joke now between us all. Yeah, it's, it's, he's not, and it's okay because I know that's not his love language that he doesn't care about. He, you know, it's funny because he doesn't buy anything. He never buys anything. Like, so that's not his thing.
Lauren (34:45.797)
I was gonna say then that's
Wilhelmina (34:58.381)
You've talked about it before.
Lauren (34:59.716)
Yeah.
Lauren (35:04.497)
I was gonna say that, yeah.
Lauren (35:11.887)
Yeah. Yeah.
Vanessa (35:13.479)
But I know that he does things, I can think, I cannot be upset about the gift thing because I know what he does do right in our relationship. Like he is definitely an acts of service, 1000%. He'll be like, I just wanna let you know I took your car and got it clean and he does all the thing and I'm like, you know, so he does acts of service and I love that. that's a good, so I think you can be in a relationship and like for your significant other to do something and maybe they don't do it.
Lauren (35:21.102)
Absolutely.
Teri (35:25.087)
Mm-hmm.
Lauren (35:33.262)
Yeah.
Vanessa (35:43.483)
perfectly, but you know that they do other things really well. And I think being open to, well, even if this is something I really like for them to do, they do these other things that I appreciate. And it goes back to you, Wilmina, saying no one has one love language, right? We all have, I think, different love languages. Yeah, and I think it depends on the situation. Because I took the test because I was like, I haven't taken this test. I want to see what mine is.
Teri (36:00.251)
a hybrid.
Vanessa (36:08.091)
And I went through it and there was times where I could tell I was picking one thing versus the other and then back and forth, but it depended on the question and what they were asking the situation. So I think we do kind of weave in and out of these love languages. And it's important for us to figure out what we like, what our significant other likes and be able to be flexible with that, because it's not always going to be 100%.
Wilhelmina (36:34.776)
Well, and think that also kind of what you're saying is kind of pay attention and look out for the things that are working, the things, the nice things. think that Julie Gottman was saying that we, for many of us, and I think in past raising children, the way you raised children was sort of criticism. Like, here's what I want you to do and
Vanessa (36:45.915)
Yes.
Teri (36:46.824)
Mm-hmm.
Wilhelmina (37:04.202)
we train you how to do this by telling you when you're doing it wrong, when you're not doing it well. It's kind of a, it's a generational thing. Like it's not, and it's shifting now, I think in parenting where we're trying to be like, notice the positive. It's like a garden, pay attention to the flowers, not the weeds. But I think for many of us, I mean, all the way back, it was sort of like, no, no, you teach them, you know, you get the grit in there. And so a lot of us have this internal talk that is critical.
Teri (37:17.916)
Mm-hmm.
Wilhelmina (37:34.103)
of ourselves and that is the way we talk to ourselves. And so then that is how we're going to notice and talk to our loved ones. And so we have to first be like aware of like how we're talking to ourselves, how we're taking that in. And then instead of noticing what they're not doing or what they're like not doing well enough or they didn't do this well or right or whatever, what did they do well? What did they, what worked?
and really keeping an eye out for those things because the more you do, the more you see. And if you just focus on the negative, all of a sudden your relationship feels very negative.
Vanessa (38:10.47)
Mm-hmm.
Teri (38:10.895)
That reminds me of, I think this applies to marriages and relationships as well as parenting, something when I've done parent coaching and parent consultation that I've said to parents when it comes to child rearing is praise expected behaviors and reinforce expected behaviors rather than take them for granted. And no news is good news. So your kid hangs up their jacket on the hook in the entryway. You don't need to be superfluous and say, my, what a great job hanging up your jacket. But
Wilhelmina (38:25.262)
Hmm. Yes.
Teri (38:40.017)
Saying a phrase, I love the phrase, I noticed that and fill in the blank. I noticed that you hung up your jacket. Thanks, that was great. But when we don't praise and pay attention to expected behaviors, we just take them for granted. I think that holds true for marriages as well. Thanks for taking the garbage out. Thanks for unloading the dishwasher, et cetera. I noticed you did X, Y, and Z. I think that goes a long way because again, that's.
Wilhelmina (38:43.17)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Lauren (38:43.461)
Mm-hmm.
Wilhelmina (38:56.834)
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Vanessa (39:03.803)
Mm-hmm.
Teri (39:04.979)
the garden metaphor is paying attention and watering more of the flowers, paying anything you water is going to grow, right? So whatever you're paying attention to. But I think when we don't have this attitude of gratitude and we don't pay attention to the, we just, well, he should be taking out the garbage. Sure. Both of those can be true at the same time. Yes, you, that was agreed upon responsibility for the household. He is the garbage caretaker or whatever, but you also can say thanks for doing that.
Wilhelmina (39:11.106)
Right. Right.
Wilhelmina (39:23.042)
Yes.
Teri (39:33.479)
sort of reinforce that expected behavior.
Wilhelmina (39:35.971)
there are things that my husband does and I'm like, yeah, he's expected to do them. I only tell him or text him when he didn't do it. And there it is, right? I'm thinking of an example right now and I'm like, I will text him and be like, you didn't do this, but I don't text him and be like, thanks for doing this. And I did it yesterday with the kids. They were playing really well together all day, like really well. I know. And I actually in my head, I was like,
Teri (39:44.211)
Exactly. There it is.
Teri (39:52.478)
Yes.
Lauren (39:53.041)
All
Wilhelmina (40:02.966)
I got to notice this. I said multiple times, you guys, this is so awesome. I love how nice you're playing with each other. And sometimes we don't even want to like say something because we don't want to like disrupt it. Like if we say it, it's like the ball will burst and they will just start fighting. But I was like, no, I know we're supposed to notice the things that are working. And I did it. And guess what? The bubble didn't burst. They continued to play together all day, very nicely. I'm like, secretly I'm like, I hope that they heard that. And then that will continue.
Lauren (40:12.377)
Right.
Teri (40:13.741)
Yep.
Vanessa (40:32.583)
Water the plant.
Wilhelmina (40:32.686)
Maybe. One could be helpful.
Lauren (40:34.223)
Yeah, exactly.
Vanessa (40:38.183)
I was reading this article, it was called, How to Keep Love Alive in Marriage, and it was like 21 effective ways, and it was written by Jennifer Jacobson-Schultz, she's an LCSW. And there was lots of things on here that we've already talked about, know, being compassionate, learning to prioritize each other, respecting each other, you know, good communication. But there was a couple of things on here that I thought were really interesting, and one of them was pursue your personal interests and hobbies.
and how it's important for you to not lose your individuality. So we spent a lot of time talking about communicating and building that relationship, but it's also important part of being in a relationship is keeping who you are as well. So like you mesh too much, then it becomes, I think, challenging to kind of continue to grow that relationship because you're so kind of enmeshed in it. So I think that's an important reminder to just.
that it's okay to have your interests apart from your significant other and do things that are separate. That's okay to do that too, while it's important to kind of do those things together as well. And I think my husband and I are pretty good at that. He has this hobby, he's all into whiskey. And so whenever he's like, I'm gonna go get a bottle, I'm like,
Wilhelmina (41:50.862)
That was cute.
Teri (41:51.924)
Whiskey.
Vanessa (41:53.319)
You know like go for it I never say anything because I have you know the things that I'm interested in doing and he's really supportive of that too so while I think it's really important to You know foster that relationship and connection between the a couple it's also important to be able to pursue your interests You know that you have on your own and that's okay And I think you can you can still spend time together You know maybe talking about right the things that you're doing during that date night, right? You can say hey, you know, this is
how whatever my hobby activity is going, how's your stuff going? So I thought that was an interesting thing that she had on the list. And then she also talks about the difference between affection and intimacy, which I thought was so, because at first I was like, OK, what's the difference? And then I'm reading the examples. And I was like, that is so important. I think especially, I think, that there's a big difference, like gender difference, when we talk about these two things. So.
Wilhelmina (42:35.342)
Yeah.
Wilhelmina (42:43.65)
Yeah. Huge.
Vanessa (42:50.151)
Obviously, intimacy is what happens behind closed doors, right, in the bedroom. But affection is, you know, the gentle touches, the holding the hands. She even makes the dancing, which I was like, oh, that's such a good one. You know, kissing each other. So, and I think that that sometimes gets lost in a relationship, right, because you've just been with each other for so long, you're tired, you're stressed, your kids are running around, you're just like, you know. So I think it's important to remember that those two things are
Wilhelmina (43:00.322)
cuddling and the hugs.
Lauren (43:10.065)
True.
Vanessa (43:18.085)
are different. They're not the same and prioritizing both of them, right? Like, obviously, there's the intimacy, but then there's just the affection part. But I like the non kind of even touched examples or kind of the non traditional ones like dancing together. I was like, that's such a, you know, like, think about the last time you danced with your significant other, right? It's probably been a while because you don't typically do that. But I was like, that's such a good example of just being affectionate with one another and having like a like a
Wilhelmina (43:32.066)
Yes.
Lauren (43:33.541)
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Vanessa (43:45.509)
like it's just a nice moment together and it doesn't have to be, you know, anything more than that. And it still just feels good. So I thought those were two really good ones.
Wilhelmina (43:55.119)
Well, and to piggyback on that with the intimacy part, this comes up a lot with, I know some of the people I work with is, when you've been together a while, oftentimes that intimacy piece can be, especially if you have young kids, it gets put on the back burner, it can be put on the back burner. one of the, there was a Ted talk and it was Esther Perl,
Perel, is that her name? Perel. And she talked about how like, Mating in Captivity is her book. And she talks about how we, once we were together with someone for a long time, we sort of take that for granted. So we don't do the things that we used to do that led to sex. So she says, think about a date, you'd get dressed, you'd do your hair, you'd do your makeup, you'd put on something, you put on the good underwear, you know, like we do all the good stuff. And then,
Teri (44:25.459)
Perrell? Mm-hmm.
Lauren (44:26.563)
yeah.
Vanessa (44:41.179)
Mm-hmm.
Teri (44:42.694)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Vanessa (44:50.279)
you
Wilhelmina (44:53.014)
If you, right? I mean, you do all of these things and you're thinking about it and you're like, and then when you're getting married, like you put down the kids, you're you're like, what is sex now? Like it's just, it's so she's like, you've got to kind of apply those same things to a marriage. And so like, she's a big fan and I say this all the time, schedule sex, which sounds so not sexy. Like it doesn't sound sexy, but when you think about it,
You're doing the thing you used to do when you were dating. You're scheduling it. You're making time for it. And so the same thing applies here where you talk about it, you plan it, and then obviously it's not locked in if something comes up, but then the day comes, you're thinking about it. It's on your mind. Maybe you shave your legs. Maybe you don't. Maybe you put on the good on the mirror. Maybe you send a flirty text.
Vanessa (45:41.255)
Today's the day!
Wilhelmina (45:48.8)
It primes you. then actually when you, maybe at the end of the day, you don't just like lean into the comfies. Maybe you, you know, keep your makeup on before you wash your face, you know, or you don't wash your face, things like that. And those things, one, it keeps it consistent and regular. And it keeps that alive because that intimacy piece is important. It's easy to downplay it when it seems like the last thing you want to do, but it is important to like...
It's no different sometimes I see like as exercising, like plan your exercising, plan sex in your relationship, because sometimes like that's just the thing that just gets put aside and it is important. So I'm a big fan of schedule the sex.
Vanessa (46:32.199)
I mean, think that it goes back to like, you they talk about scheduling the date nights, right? It feels like, well, that doesn't feel spontaneous or like, right? But it's a way to make sure that you're not forgetting to do those things. So it makes sense.
Wilhelmina (46:36.664)
Right. Right.
Wilhelmina (46:42.658)
Yes.
Right. You can still have spontaneous sex. Like, satcheling sex doesn't mean you can't have spontaneous sex. If you are having spontaneous sex, great. If you're not, though, start here. No. mean, not a lot of spontaneous sex is happening in my life right now. but, you know, it's just the chapter of life.
Teri (46:54.867)
put it on the calendar.
Vanessa (46:55.141)
Right, exactly. It's like a, put it on the family calendar.
Teri (47:00.946)
I
Vanessa (47:02.919)
It's on the family calendar.
Wilhelmina (47:09.435)
Wasn't that in an episode of Parenthood where they called it like Funky Town or something like that and then it was in their shared
Teri (47:13.757)
Yes, yes.
Lauren (47:14.265)
Ouch.
Teri (47:17.587)
Yes.
Vanessa (47:19.367)
funky town. You wouldn't need a code. my goodness. Any other thoughts on today's topic?
Lauren (47:22.777)
you
Vanessa (47:29.317)
Great, good chat. All right, well, thank you for joining us today. Please join us next time on The Shrinkdown.