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This episode lets you know if W+P is for you. I explain who it's for, and what you'll be doing; because it's not your typical podcast format. It's also an introduction to me and my story, so you get a sense of who I am, and if the future stories I share will be something that will intrigue you. I invite you to dip your toe in and see if you're ready to go where each episode will take you with God.
In 10 minutes you can relax, realign, and connect with God. This Christian meditation brings physical relaxation to your entire body, with a focus on being still before the Lord. It includes times of relaxation, scripture meditation and quiet time with God. So, take a quick break, connect with God and re-energize your body, mind, heart and soul.
Welcome to Witness + Ponder, I'm Coach Karyn and my mission is to make a difference in the difference makers. This space is an invitation for you to ponder why you do what you do, learn ways to do what you want to do as well as witness inspiring accounts of others who have figured it out. Through rich stories and direct coaching prompts you'll be able to increase the difference you're making too. Let's begin!
So, what can you expect here? Well, it will be just me and you unless you choose to invite your small group in to tackle and explore the topics we cover. And most of the topics are the way I have struggled with loving God better than loving the people in my live, as well as vulnerable internal truths of mine that might make you question why you’d want to listen to someone like me.
Seriously, you will meet versions of myself that I’m embarrassed about and that I continually struggle with, but that God has faithfully pursued and redeemed. These aspects have had me chasing emotional intelligence since 1995. I’ve spent years doing my part: becoming a certified Life Coach, certified in Emotional Intelligence, as well as conflict dynamic behaviors. I’m also certified in MBTI and knowledgeable in other personality assessments such as the Enneagram, for well over a decade.
While I’ve been doing my part, God has been doing His by helping me to grow more spiritually; because you can’t be spiritually mature unless you are emotionally mature. He has led me in the emotional trenches and has directed my transformation.
This transformation is what I share in the stories that I’ll read to you. They are accounts of God’s love and grace, punctuated by the revelations He has so generously bestowed. It’s through these revelations that I’ll walk you through coaching questions so that you too can take a minute and sit with God in the internal spaces where he wants to shine his light and love.
While the episodes are meant to be short the time you spend with God is not. You’re encouraged to press pause and sit with God in the questions and work with him in the actions. Many of the resources I mention, you’ll find on my website at www.KarynHumphries.com. You can also reach out and contact me that way.
So, if you’re a difference maker who wants more emotional and spiritual harmony like I did, join me as we witness and ponder together with Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
So I thought I would kick us off with just a story for today. My story. A story that begins with a telling tale about a woman’s relationship with God at a pivotal stage in life. It started a journey into a spectacular realm of love and grace with irrevocable changes. Even though this is my story, it could really be yours; whether you’re a man or a woman. The circumstances in our lives may be different, but the hand of God sculpts each of us as long as we are willing. Whatever your circumstances, whether in joy or pain, my prayer is that you are willing.
This story is called THE MARBLE BLOCK
When I had my first child something strange happened in my life. It wasn’t the obvious “new addition to the family” transition, but rather an internal adventure to rival that of Alice in Wonderland. It was as if someone had placed a gigantic block of marble on my lawn, right out in front of my house. The monstrosity was an immense, rough-hewn, piece of rock with intricate veins that swirled throughout. It wasn’t exactly a sight of beauty, in fact it looked quite the eye sore and I was bothered that my neighbors were all privy to it. I figured in some way or another this had to do with motherhood. After all I had had no formal training in the field of parenting. So I decided to go to some of the experts to get some advice on how to handle my marble block.
The Grandmas were first. I asked them, “What should I do with it?” Each one handed me a chisel and instructed me to use it on the marble. So for the first few months and into the first year I chipped away at the solid, dense piece. It was a difficult job, keeping me up most nights with sleepy rituals of guesswork that spilled into my confused days. Feeling unfulfilled with my progress I went in search of more answers. Next it was the doctors. They could only offer me a hammer, but combined with my chisels I felt I was making progress.
Although, it wasn’t long before my frustration grew. I hadn’t even breached past six inches of the massive rock. It was looking worse than when it first appeared on my lawn. I was feeling embarrassed that all my neighbors could see my slow, pitiful progress. I was, after all, an educated woman with a keen sense of order and propriety. I’d met every other challenge in my life successfully; why was this so difficult?
Then, through a network of other mothers more resources came to me. I attended seminars, read books and shared sculpting techniques with others that had discovered the same big rock outside their door when motherhood arrived. I acquired better tools – power tools that rivaled my husband’s. My buffing technique had improved but still the marble wasn’t glistening.
I became discouraged as I compared myself to other mothers who seemed to sculpt effortlessly. I grew tired of the constant chore of picking up after it. Its dusty shards and slivers were a nuisance. There were even times, when in error I had chiseled too much and marred a limb or two of the emerging image from the stone. I would become sad and disillusioned then stop for a while. Although when I began again, because of some inspiration, I became so engrossed that I sometimes created a hazardous environment with all the debris.
Through the years a form had begun to take shape, which inspired hope. Yet I still couldn’t master the technique that would bring the rock to life, give it its shine, or display its glory. I discovered that there was a piece to the puzzle that was missing.
I had searched out family, friends, physicians, educators, professionals and my peers but I hadn’t explored the church. Now the church didn’t give me any additional tools, but it did give me a manual. From the hand of the creator Himself, came tips that inspired more than just hope, they instilled a purpose. Suddenly each and every stroke, chip and buff had meaning. I was given this rock for a reason. Most of the time I moaned and complained about how unfulfilling it was to tend but I realized that all along someone counted on me to complete it.
There even came a day when I realized that I was actually enjoying myself. What had begun as a chore had developed into a labor of love. With habitual care and attention the figure within the rock began to reveal itself to me, and the more I saw, the more I wanted to see. What was so important that God would want me to invest most of my life attending to? Limb by limb the figure almost appeared to be bursting from the captivity of the cold, hard rock. I could see that my toils, tears and triumphs were meant to liberate it. With one more cut into the stone, the visage appeared and knocked me off my feet in shocked surprise.
I couldn’t believe it…. The image was of me! At first this made no sense at all but upon closer examination I understood. It was the promise of what I could become for God by being a mother to my children, a wife to my husband, a daughter to my parents, a sister to my siblings, a friend to my loved ones and a woman of God to the world. Within that cold block of marble was a child of God waiting to emerge. It was I. It is I. It is who God intends for me to be.
My work is far from done. There are whole portions of rock that still cling to my form. There are scars that still have to be buffed out. There are dull portions that have to be shined up. But I still have my manual and it tells me that all that is expected of me is faith. So I keep working. Now I bring every shard and chunk of marble to God. He quietly takes all I have to give and doesn’t expect perfection. All He wants is for me to love Him with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind and all my strength. It’s the least I can do for the price of freedom, the debt that was paid by His son, Jesus, for me.
I found God’s truth for me within my Marble Block. When I was encapsulated in the world’s cold, dark, dank perceptions and expectations of myself, I never got to see what God really saw. He gave me the means to discover who He wanted me to be when I became a mother. God freed me from taking ownership of what I believed were the world’s expectations of motherhood. He took my inability to find satisfaction and fulfillment in that role and showed me that no matter how good I was at it, He wouldn’t love me any more – and no matter how bad I was at it, He wouldn’t love me any less. In His eyes I was a lot more than the poor mother that I was in my own eyes. I became a better mother once I realized that I would never be the perfect mother with perfect children.
The joy in this freedom was born out of a lot of pain. My potential as a mother is continually realized through God’s grace. His grace removes the fence of expectations between myself & Him and myself & the world. It is grace alone that allows us to honestly accept the ‘who I am’ in each of us. It is that grace that transforms the ‘who I am’ into what God intended all along. It is only with His grace that I am able to truly live this life!
The Marble Block - Continued
Years have passed and still I chisel away. My biggest challenge remains in the buffing process. In the few areas where the magnificent stone is immaculately polished there appears a bright reflection that intrigues me. It took me a while to realize that that reflection was the image of the creator himself, but only when the rock was as smooth as a mirror was I able to spy him. I’d only seen him once or twice since that realization and work even harder in hopes of sighting him again.
My determination grew as I yearned to see more than just a glimmer. I wanted to see his entire face, his hands, and his feet. I had become so intent on creating broader spaces in which to spot more of his reflection that, without realizing it, I had begun to reshape the rock. In earnest I had chipped off some of the curves in order to create a smoother more discernable surface. I flattened the nose that I thought was too big anyway, and corrected my stance in a much more erect fashion. My arms reached out on each side, in an attempt to increase the width of the surface space, and I beveled the edges in order to create more angles with which to capture a glimpse of him.
Buffing was such a physically exhaustive process, and given the amount of years that had passed, I had difficulty maintaining my strength and pace. However, my abilities and techniques had improved to the point where I was more efficiently using my energy. It almost seemed like I was being powered by something else. My desire to see more of him had taken on a life of its own. As I continued to shine all the sides I was encouraged by the fact that I was touching something holy. Strange as it may sound I sensed a heartbeat within the hard rock, and for some reason it didn’t seem as cold as it once felt.
I took a few steps back to observe my progress. Having spent the past few years working so diligently close to the rock, I could barely recall the last time I viewed it as a whole. I stood confidently and perused my handiwork, but that aplomb quickly evaporated as I stared at the large misshapen marble. My stomach sank with regret as I looked upon what my feverish desire had created. It looked absolutely nothing like me! What was I thinking? What had I done? I had been entrusted with this wonderful gift, how could I have lost sight of what God wanted me to do with it?
A multitude of emotions overtook me and so overwhelmed was I with the weight of the consequences for my actions, that I fell to my knees in quiet tears. There was no correcting what I had done, no Superglue could fix this mess. My heart begged for understanding and forgiveness, “Lord please forgive me for not honoring what you gave me. It was so beautiful, but I wanted to see more of you and I got carried away.” Hunched over bended knees, with my face in my hands, I heard a gentle command rise above the noise of my devastation. I quieted myself and poised my ears to confirm.
“Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.”
My breathing stopped. Everything within me seemed to come to a complete standstill. For a brief moment I experienced the solid emptiness of the cold, hard rock, which I had toiled over for all these years. I knew whose voice I was hearing, and strange as it may seem, as many times as I had seen his image in the marble block, never had I imagine he would actually speak directly to me.
“Those who look to him are radiant, their faces are never covered with shame.”
His words seemed to take on a life of their own within every cell of my body as if I were being fortified beyond my own means. I became oddly encouraged, even though I was still shaken. I had always believed that my love for him outweighed my fear. Now was the time to prove it. I swallowed hard, nearly taking my tongue down with the gulp. A growing excitement suddenly blossomed, as it occurred to me that this was what I had waited my entire life for. To be in the presence of God – to see him firsthand! I wiped my eyes and pushed my tear-matted hair out of my face. With a loud sniffle and a nervous smile I raised my eyes in the direction of his voice, which emanated from the direction of the marble block.
My eyes blinked repeatedly to purge the last of the tears that were blurring my vision. Once my sight adjusted, I could barely believe what I saw. Rising above my prostrated body, tall and erect, was the Marble block that now took the shape of a beautiful cross! From this new angle I could see God’s holy light glowing brightly behind it, and upon the smooth wide surface was the radiant reflection of his Son, Jesus. I gasped in awe at the love that I felt from his warm, dark eyes and assuring smile. All at once, I sensed the Holy Spirit and realized that it was the Holy Spirit who was the heartbeat I had imagined before. I was muted and frozen by the sheer beauty of what I saw, and felt.
“…look and be radiant,” I heard again. His words wrapped around me like a warm fleecy blanket this time.
Suddenly, feeling safe and comfortable, I spoke without realizing that my thoughts actually made their way out of my mouth. “This isn’t me. This looks nothing like me. It is so beautiful and brilliant, I don’t understand.”
This time, Jesus responded. “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. What matters most is not who you are, but who they see.” His eyes shifted behind my shoulder, which prompted me to turn about.
There, standing several yards behind me were all the people in my life, even some I did not recognize, but imagined I would some day meet. My heart began to beat very fast, and I knew that that was the Holy Spirit speaking to me. He revealed that when I took my place at the foot of the cross, I was granted a new perspective – I could see things differently and from that position everyone in my life was able to see the Jesus in me. “So this is still me?” I questioned with earnest hope. Never could I imagine something so beautiful – this vision was a promise of what I would become.
God’s gentle, yet authoritative voice replied, “You are my child and you can’t even imagine what you will be like when my Son returns. But know that when he comes you will be like him, for you will see him as he really is.” The light glowed a little brighter behind the likeness of Jesus within the Marble Cross.
The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and reminded me that I am not totally there yet. “I know,” I mused aloud. “I need to learn to stay at the foot of the cross, out of the way of everyone’s view.” I looked behind me again at the mass of people. What a reminder they were of my responsibility to God. My eyes flew back to the Marble Cross as weakness overcame me. “I need your help,” I beseeched. The enormity of it all suddenly fell upon my spirit. “Please help me to become a faint memory of myself,” and my heart held fast in my throat with expectancy.
Like a beautifully harmonized song, I heard them reply, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Grace, yes grace! That is how I live this life. This truth resounded through my entire being as I collapsed with supreme relief at the foot of the Marble Cross.
I hope you enjoyed my story. Witness and Ponder is full of stories. Stories to draw you deeper into deeper thought with God. I invite you to open your heart to him and receive what he has for you through any part of this story or the stories that are yet to come. Thank you for listening and my Christ’s peace reign over you.
Scriptures within the episode:
Proverbs 4:25 (NIV), Psalm 34:5 (NIV), Isaiah 60:5 (NIV), John 8:12 (NIV), 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)