Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Two single thirty-somethings with thriving lives and a lot to say. Marilis and Gabrielle dive into the joys, struggles, and hilarities of modern singlehood—faith, dating, friendship, and everything in between. Real talk, good laughs, and honest conversations for women who know there’s more to life than waiting around.
Gabrielle (00:00)
Yeah, so that was my one sweet slice. I was just happy to be out in the water and yeah, just get ready for the rain. I'm gonna have a you know, maybe watch a few movies and just stay in. So
Marilis (00:15)
One of these days I need to go paddleboarding with you. I don't trust myself to go alone. I've never done it, but it always looks so fun when I see people doing it. I'm like, that looks so like I don't know. It looks like a good time.
Gabrielle (00:21)
I know, you need to.
Yeah, 'cause you can sit, you can kneel, you can stand. Like you don't have to stand to to be out there, so it's easy. Like today I forgot my phone case. So I was and I had a book. But I was like, forget it. So I went out there with just my book and my phone case free, like a crazy person. But I trust myself.
Marilis (00:48)
Yeah, I feel like you're you do it enough times. I'd be all over the place. I feel like I'd be falling in the water. I need a I need a life vest.
Gabrielle (00:59)
You actually have to have a life fest. Like sometimes the I don't they're not the game warden or I don't know like the state I don't know. The little wild
Marilis (01:08)
The the Rangers or whatever?
Gabrielle (01:10)
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kinda like or whatever they're called. They'll come and check to
Marilis (01:14)
you legally have to have a life vest on. I guess that makes sense.
Gabrielle (01:17)
You don't have to have it on, but you have to have it on your like on board. Yeah. So I'll give I'll bring you one. Okay. ⁓
Marilis (01:22)
okay. Okay.
Okay. Romeo has one, but I don't have
Well, falling into your thirties. I love being in my thirties. I feel like it's like well, we both had very different twenties.
Gabrielle (01:38)
Me too.
Yes.
Marilis (01:46)
But I feel like your thirties are you're not old, old no offense. Like obviously like forties, fifties, whatever. But I feel like you're getting into your groove, your rhythm as an adult. Like you're not, hopefully, I would think, still trying to like figure out your career. Like hopefully at by this stage you have a steady job. I mean, obviously things can happen, right? But
Gabrielle (02:10)
Mm.
Marilis (02:15)
This is like we're talking in general terms here. By your thirties you have a steady job. If you're single, like you life is kind of like has a rhythm to it. Like you have a h a home, like Gabrielle has her own house, I have my own place. you like have your friend group in order, you have a steady job.
Gabrielle (02:18)
Yeah.
Marilis (02:39)
you're making adult money so then you're able to spend like an adult. Whereas I feel like I mean my twenties were very different, but I th I imagine and just from what I've heard and you can obviously comment on this, you're in your twenties, you're still like you're just having graduated from college. You're possibly paying off debt from college. You're trying to figure out like what if you like your job, if you don't like your job, what like if you want to buy a house, you're dating
I mean, we're still dating, we're both single, but like you know what I mean? Like you're just not as settled in your twenties.
Gabrielle (03:15)
Yeah. I feel like there's there's still a lot of moving parts. A lot. And I feel as if your 30s, I mean, there's tons of people that you still have a lot of moving parts in your life. But for some of us, it's just looks a little more like controlled. Like there's a there's big decisions have already been made in your life and you're walking down a certain path. Not to say you can't change that, but for a lot of us, we're already kind of like
Marilis (03:35)
Yeah.
Gabrielle (03:45)
set a path. no no no, but like I just feel like that's the majority.
Marilis (03:47)
And I sorry.
Yeah, and I feel like in your thirties you have kind of come into an identity, like you know who you are in a different way than when you're in your twenties and you're still like figuring it out, you know? And also going from the transition in your twenties of being like fr going from college to adulthood. Like, you know what I mean? once you're past that once you're in your thirties, it seems.
Gabrielle (04:05)
Mm.
Yeah.
Mm. How did you feel like at the turn of the decade? Like do you remember like when you were turning thirty or like what were you doing in life? We're both in our early thirties, but you know, it's been a little bit.
Marilis (04:21)
So
Yeah, I was well, I had already left the convent. So my thirty, like year thirty, I'm thirty-three now, but like my year thirty was probably what most twenty year olds were going through in the sense of I had no idea what I was doing. I was like two or three years out of the convent. So my entire twenties was me in the convent as a sister.
Gabrielle (04:35)
Okay.
Marilis (05:02)
So my that decade of my life just looks very different than I think most people. ⁓ but in my thirties I was like, how do I open a b at year thirty. I was like, how do I open a bank account? You know what I mean? Like trying to figure out like how to support myself, get a job. ⁓ I was still finishing up my graduate degree too at this point, so I think yeah, my thirty probably
Gabrielle (05:08)
Mm-hmm.
Mm.
Marilis (05:31)
is not what most thirty year olds looked like, it feels like. You know? What about you?
Gabrielle (05:36)
Yeah.
⁓ so I I really ⁓ coming approaching my 30 year mark, I had a honestly a lot of mixed emotions. And I love my 30s now, and it's like, I don't wanna say like it's embarrassing or silly for me to say, but these are like my real feelings. But like I I had a lot of like mixed emotions turning 30. I remember when I was 29, I just felt like, ⁓ I don't know, 30's coming. You know what I mean? I'm like
That I was so proud of like all my accomplishments. Like I've said this many times before. I'm a very nostalgic person. So like I looked back on all the things that I did in my twenties and you know, I finished college. I had got my I got my undergrad. I got my masters. I worked a couple different industries. I chose a career in the fire department. I promoted, I'd got a house. I I did a lot of very good things.
⁓ but then so I was, you know, thought about my career, thought about like how I invested in myself. ⁓ but then I also like look back and like thought about like my relationships. Like I did not think I was gonna be like single going into my 30s. I I didn't think I was not gonna be a mom going into my thirties. ⁓ so it was just kind of like I don't know, I think I
Marilis (06:43)
Yeah.
⁓
Gabrielle (07:03)
I found myself like looking back and having a lot of like what ifs. Like, what if I would have like made it work with this guy? Or like, what if I would have like said yes to this state? Or just like, I don't know. Like I I was in this like weird place that I usually am not in where I was like second guessing all of my choice, some of my choices in life. ⁓ and I think that like part of that was just like being sad and disappointed, which is like so unlike me because I'm very much of a go-getter.
Marilis (07:25)
Yeah.
Gabrielle (07:32)
But like relationships is like the one area of my life which I can't necessarily like work harder for. Like it's just happens or it doesn't. It just doesn't mean you're unsuccessful. But yeah, it was my first time I in my life. I was not looking forward to my birthday. And I love my birthday. Me and Meryless are opposite. Meryless is not like a huge fan of her birthday. Me, I'm like it's March first. I'm like, it's my birthday month.
Marilis (07:52)
Yeah, come by hate my birthday.
And well truly even I'm like, Gab's birthday is coming up
Gabrielle (08:01)
Yeah, I just love my birthday. But I think too I so me and my mom share the same birthday. So we're both born ⁓ March twenty second is our birthday. March twenty second, nineteen ninety five.
Marilis (08:08)
Yeah.
Mark your calendars, guys.
Gabrielle (08:21)
⁓ but we were born on the same birthday and my mom actually had me on her 30th birthday. And I was my mom's second kid. So I was thinking, like, when I turn 30, I'm gonna like be like coming home from work that morning and like to a home that's just for my own. And like for my mom was so different when she turned thirty. 'Cause I think I don't know, naturally for me I like looked at my mom as a Billy Big Role model. And then when I was coming to this milestone, I was like, wow, my mom is
Marilis (08:26)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gabrielle (08:50)
was married with having her second kid, her first baby girl, on her 30th birthday. And here I am, just doing whatever I want. But that's just honestly how I felt. And I I definitely didn't stay in that area, but it was just like a scary, kind of disappointing, but also very happy, proud time. I don't know, it was just I feel like a lot of people experience that. It's like very mixed emotion.
Marilis (08:56)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I was gonna say I think for the most part, if you're single or if you don't have kids by this age, it feels very like la I don't wanna say lacking, but it feels like you should already have that milestone checked off because as kids, I mean growing up I felt like at twenty five you should be married and like a few kids deep because
Gabrielle (09:32)
Yeah.
Marilis (09:41)
That's the narrative given to us, at least in my circles growing up. and I think it's vr it's very much still a narrative being talked about today as like what's encouraged is like marry young and have as many kids as you can. Don't worry about your finances and don't worry about having it all together. Which I'm like, I mean, that's another podcast episode for another day.
Gabrielle (09:47)
Yeah.
Yes.
Marilis (10:08)
But yeah, for sure, like in many ways that then translates into at thirty you're like some old lady and you know, there's also that now it's an old wives tale because science has proven it wrong, but like if you're having kids after thirty that like you're you know, you risk X, Y, and Z with you or your baby and it's like I mean now we know that that's not technically the case, you know? ⁓ thanks to good old science.
But yeah, I think most women at this age, especially because most women desire marriage and a family, which is a beautiful desire. And if you don't have it, it can feel like there's an ache there and a you know, a pain there that you feel like, I should already be here by now, and your friends might already be there and you're like the only one who isn't there. But
Gabrielle (11:06)
Yeah. And like your accomplishments just look different. Like things you've reached in your life. Obviously, I don't want to say like void is the wrong word, but there's like more space for other things. So I was very aware of that. But I feel like as I like I was looking into this big day or this big time, and then when it came and went and I was like,
Marilis (11:10)
Yes.
Yeah.
Gabrielle (11:29)
Nothing crazy happened. I was still living the same exact life I was before. And now I was just 30. And honestly, I argue now. I'm 31 now, but I'm like, being 31's actually younger than being 29, because 29, you're in your late 20s. 31, you're in your early 30s. So it's like girl math, it sounds better.
Marilis (11:35)
Right.
In many ways, when you were talking about your mom, 'cause how you're one of how many six? Seven, sorry. ⁓ I w I was like, I know it's more than five, but I can never remember exactly how many. But like when you were talking about your mom having you at thirty, you're her second, like obviously she had
Gabrielle (11:56)
So I'm one of seven kids. Yeah.
Yeah. Hey, that's a lot of kids keep track of.
Mm.
Marilis (12:11)
five more kids well into her thirties. You know? So like does that feel like kind of consoling too then now? Like being on the other side of thirty, knowing that like, yeah, she had two kids by now, but she was obviously well into her thirties, still having more. You know what I mean?
Gabrielle (12:14)
Yeah.
Yeah. And yeah, she had us all really close, but sh my mom, she can see with her last kid at 39, she she she gave birth at 40 with Michael, my youngest sibling. And like she had very like successful, healthy pregnancies, like throughout all of her kids. And I think it really just is kind of like how you take care of yourself, you're like your mindset, all the kind of good stuff.
Marilis (12:38)
Yeah.
For sure. And I think it's just God too. Like I know people who are super, super, super healthy, take really good care of themselves and struggle with infertility, you know? Or people in their early twenties who are like again, healthy, should be having children, are open to children, want children, and struggle with infertility. So like obviously you can do everything you can in your power to A meet your husband, to be then be able to conceive
Gabrielle (13:01)
That's true.
Yeah.
Marilis (13:22)
But at the end of the day I God very much still plays a role in that. You know? so
Gabrielle (13:27)
Yeah.
I like I don't think this is I don't know if it's like I forget whose quote this is attributed to, but I'm not sure if it's actually their quote, but kind of like the thing where it's like praise if everything depends upon God, but like work as if everything depends upon you. So like I feel like that was a good mentality, like in that realm, because it's like, hey, it really does depend on God, like with the gift of if you can have a child, what if you know, let's say you're
Marilis (13:43)
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Gabrielle (13:56)
Turning 30, you're in your early 30s or late 30s, and you still want a kid, you still want to get married, you still want to you still have these desires. And that can happen. So it's like, yeah, be fruitful and like make decisions that are like healthy towards your body. But at the same time, like just because you do the right thing doesn't mean you're gonna get what you want. You know? It
Marilis (14:18)
Yeah. Yeah, it's like ultimately there's only so much you can control.
Gabrielle (14:24)
Yeah. Which I hate
Marilis (14:25)
But I think yes. And I think yeah, especially I think most people want to be control their fate, you know? Or just control yeah. Be controlling in general. ⁓ but at the end of the day there are just some things that are out of your control no matter what you do. So
Gabrielle (14:31)
Just in general. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. So but yeah, I mean, I feel like that's comforting because like I just think about my twenties and all the different like if you want to say like lives or like eras I lived and I'm like that was a lot. Like every age that was a lot. I did a lot of different stuff, had a lot of different interests, like and I think that's great. And like we're still in our early 30s, but like
I feel like now I look at it, I think a lot of people also describe your 30s, which can be, I guess, argued for any decade, but like the best decade of your life, you know. I feel like your 20s lay the groundwork for your 30s, obviously. But like I feel like when you work hard and you do things, you do benefit for it to years to come. so like your education or just like your
Hobbies, your travel, like all these things that you've done in your 20s, like they're going to be fruitful. Like your friendships, like your relationships, like all these things that you learned along the way, and the people all these things, if you can really bring it into your 30s and be kind of like a more confident version of yourself. ⁓ like we said, like your faith life, your family and friends, obviously, your finances, I feel like is a really big one. You know what I mean?
Marilis (16:08)
Yeah.
Gabrielle (16:08)
And your career, ⁓ which we're gonna have like a whole episode on that, but I just feel like a lot of people who made certain choices in their twenties is really s reaping the benefits of it now in your thirties. ⁓ and if maybe you're a few steps behind, I know that like that can be difficult in your thirties. Yeah.
Marilis (16:29)
It can be unnerving. For sure. Like, I mean, I felt like I was behind. You know what I mean? When I was 30 and feeling like, what even do I want to do with my life? What does life look like in the world at this age? You know what I mean? And all my friends by then were like married, having kids, getting married, you know? So it just felt very
Gabrielle (16:36)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Marilis (16:59)
Yeah, it was unnerving. It was like a fish out of water. Like, what even am I doing? I still am asking myself, like, what am I doing? But at least I'm doing it with adult money. So it helps. I hate to be like to kind of keep that not at the forefront, but it is important. Like we pretend like it's not, but it is. It makes a difference. And that's part of what helps your thirties, I feel like, be more smooth sailing than you would've in your twenties.
Gabrielle (17:09)
Exactly.
I mean, frankly it is. Like, and that's not to say if you're not there right now that you can't get there. And that's why we want to like kind of we were like, let's branch off on different stuff so we could talk about this. But like, ⁓ finances does play a really huge role. ⁓ I just think in everyone's life, and it's really important. ⁓ so kind of like leads into what we want to talk about next is like what did we do in our twenties that we're we're grateful we did now.
Marilis (17:37)
Yeah.
Gabrielle (17:54)
And I wrote down some things. ⁓ I really think overall like learning like to not care what other people thought of me in my twenties, which was a a very big, like I don't want to say very big, but it was like an evolution of it because it allowed me to grow in ways I would have not been able to if I was like so absorbed with other what others thought. ⁓
Marilis (18:05)
Yes.
Gabrielle (18:23)
I would say, like, probably one of my like big decisions in life. when I was 24, I took the entrance exam for the San Antonio Fire Department. And so I was going through the process. It was like 18 months, but I remember it was in my last step. And they have like do like a psychological exam. So they did it. And I was talking with the psychologist afterwards, like, okay, like you're
Marilis (18:47)
Mm-hmm.
Gabrielle (18:53)
You're not a psycho, you know. She's just basically, you know, I pass. I have no red flags. ⁓ did you hear that, boys? I have no red flags from the psychologist. No, but I she said, I had hair like I do now. Long hair, you know, and she asked me, Well, what are you gonna do with your hair? And I was looked at her like, that's just such a weird.
Marilis (18:57)
Yeah. You're healthy.
Gabrielle (19:20)
question that she's gonna ask me. Like, I don't know, put it up in a bun? And then she's like, Well most girls like they cut it like short, but like a lot of girls just cut it all off so they don't have to deal with it. And I was like, What? I was so confused. And then I learned realized, she's like, well you do know you're you're gonna have like cut all your hair off to like go through Academy. And Academy's like
Marilis (19:41)
So that's actually a thing, like you couldn't just put it in a bun. It's so funny. This is very parallel to the convent, but keep going.
Gabrielle (19:44)
No, I could not put it in a bun.
So eight? It was like eight months. And I was like, there is no
Marilis (19:55)
Do they still do this? This is still a rule?
Gabrielle (19:58)
They don't do this anymore. Of course they ⁓ I know, of course they don't do it. No, they don't. Because it's like kind of like an oxymore, because they were like, you can have it in a bob, but it can't be one inch past your collar. But if you have your hair that short, you can't put it in a bun and it needs to be in a bun. It can't be in a so it's like you have to cut your hair off. So I don't know, like that was a huge
Marilis (20:00)
Of course see what I mean. The Gen Z don't suffer the way we had to.
Right.
Gabrielle (20:23)
First it was a huge thing for me to move from my career because everyone kinda saw me as like I was the star student. I was like supposed to excel like in a corporate more setting. And then I chose this like more blue type collared work. And then I had to like cut all my hair off and like
Marilis (20:33)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, but in all fairness to those, we're I'm gonna need to post or we're gonna need to post on our Instagram, on OneSweet Single Life's Instagram, like a side by side of you in your twenties and me in my religious habit, because it's just too funny. Like I'm having the visual in my head. But you guys, I'm not saying this because Gabrielle's my friend, but she looked so hot with that pixie cut. Like I was like you, there's very few people that can pull that off. Same with the bobs.
Like you've when you've had your hair in the bob. Like there's very few people that can pull that off 'cause they have obviously you have a beautiful like you're beautiful, but like also the right bone structure to be able to pull it off. And she showed me pictures of it and I'm like, you could totally carry that haircut and it not look butch. No offense to our butch queens out there. But like do you know what I mean? Like you still looked so beautiful and feminine with that. I'm not just saying that to say it. You know I would never pull sunshine, but
Gabrielle (21:13)
Yeah.
Thank you. But but I s I mean we'll post it for you guys, but I was still dying. But it like the mental like having to cut all my hair off. Like I push had to push myself mentally. I mean, I had to push myself just like physically in the academy, like way past my comfort zone. Obviously that's like to prepare for like the field I'm in. But I had to let go of what other people thought of me. Cause for me
Marilis (21:44)
Yeah.
Yes.
Gabrielle (22:05)
For a while, like I was almost like a little bit like embarrassed because I was just like, I like went to school, I did all this stuff, and I'm choosing a different career. But like I did it because it was gonna be best for me. Like I liked the schedule, you know, I liked the benefits of the job, and I thought I would be good at it and helping people. So I was like, I'm gonna do this, but I had to just like lean into my discomfort. And a lot of people thought I was crazy. Part of me, I also thought I was crazy, but like I did it and I was like, if I
Marilis (22:22)
Yeah.
Gabrielle (22:34)
I'm gonna do this because I really feel like this is where I'm called to be. And if I hate it, then I'll just quit. I think a lot of people like we go down this path, and it's like then I'm stuck. Like, no, I I told myself if I don't like it, I'll quit. And now I've been in for six years, and honestly, it probably was like one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. Like, probably top three is like getting into like my current career at this point in my life. So I feel like doing that, like your career was a big one.
Marilis (22:40)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gabrielle (23:03)
I feel like my travels too was a big one, just like getting up and going. People also thought it was crazy. Like my sister and I traveled Italy during COVID. Or I would like sh show up a few days. Yes. Because but people thought we're like, You're traveling and it's COVID. And then we're like,
Marilis (23:14)
We met on that trip.
Like the best time to travel, I'm sorry.
Gabrielle (23:23)
I mean, yeah, it was like if we were in the nineteen sixties, nineteen seventies, there was no money there and it was amazing.
Marilis (23:28)
No one was around. The glory days of Rome.
Gabrielle (23:32)
It was great. And then I feel like just to my twenties, I had to deal with like my relationship status. And I put like Mexican culture too. I feel like maybe different parts of like the country or the world, like being a working professional and choosing to delay marriage is more acceptable. But I feel like in South Texas and Mexican culture, a lot of people get married very young and they start having kids very young.
Marilis (23:52)
Mm-hmm.
Gabrielle (24:01)
And it's just kinda like seen as like the feminine right way of doing things. So like if you reject that way, it's almost as if like
Marilis (24:06)
Yeah.
There's something wrong with you? No.
Gabrielle (24:12)
Yeah. Like you're like kinda like going against like the the patriarchy, I guess if you wanna say or you're like ultra feminist just 'cause you don't wanna like you're not settling down or you're being too rough or like yeah, you know what I mean? Whatever.
Marilis (24:17)
Yeah.
It's probably a combination of you not being settled down plus being a firefighter. Like I'm sure the Mexican abuelas are like, is she okay? Who hurt you? We'll get
Gabrielle (24:33)
Yeah.
So that was just some things. Like now, like dur like some of those things were just hard for me. Like the Mexican culture thing, my career, my traveling. Like some of those are fun, some of those are hard. But like in my twenties, I feel like I was in the mindset of like, what is everyone thinking? Does everyone like still like me? In my 30s, I feel like I'm more in the mindset of like, do I like the life I'm living? Like, I really, I sometimes I'll do like
Marilis (25:06)
Yeah.
Gabrielle (25:10)
monthly or six month checkups and be like look back and be like am I like what friends am I like hanging out with? Do I want hang out with like do I want to invest in some other ones? Which ones are like serving me? I'm serving them like I'm just like different things. So like I'm happy that I made those choices in my 20s even though they're very uncomfortable. And because I made those you know 10 you know five, 10 years ago, now I'm reaping the benefits.
Marilis (25:35)
Yeah.
Gabrielle (25:37)
But it was really hard back then, you know. It wasn't just easy. I didn't just magically pop in into my life if you like you're scrolling on someone's Instagram, they don't magically get there, you know? There's a lot of work behind it.
Marilis (25:40)
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah, I think that's something that's not talked about enough is the amount of discipline you need to have in order to be able to reap the kind of benefits you're having now, you know? and it just doesn't happen overnight.
Gabrielle (26:00)
Mm-hmm.
Marilis (26:06)
Like you don't wake up your own house overnight, your own flourishing career, your own everything, you know? And I think it takes a lot. Like, we don't talk about this enough too, is especially as single women and you're doing everything on your own. Like you don't have another person doing it with you. So I think it's those types of habits that you're building in your twenties that then you're able to be disciplined in a way that you are now in your thirties. That if you hadn't been
Gabrielle (26:06)
No.
Marilis (26:36)
such and such a way a decade ago, it would be a lot harder to get on board with it. You know what I mean? Like having a good work ethic, having good financial making good financial decisions, having like all these things that make you the person that you are today isn't just something that you wake up tomorrow deciding to be, you know?
Gabrielle (26:58)
Yeah. And like luckily, like I was born, like by family, my parents really helped me to be like, you're gonna be a hard worker. Like you're like to work hard and you're gonna like like have long term goals and stuff like that. Like I remember my parents telling me about this, and I just took it to heart and ran with it. Cause you can do what you want with people's advice. You don't have to do it. But I was like saw the life my parents built for themselves, and I was like
I want something similar. Like my I I don't wanna like have to like s a lot of it goes back fine because it's like I don't wanna have to struggle like financially. Like I don't w that's part of my life, like I know is like a I have to deal with, but like I don't want this to be an unneeded stressor more than it should be. 'Cause money's always gonna be a stressor. I'm always like I should I need to make more money. Like but you know.
Marilis (27:46)
Yeah.
think we all I I really unless you've taken a vow poverty you know what I mean? Like we are all I I think there's a certain sense of delusion, especially in twenty twenty six, with the state of things economically, if you're not like money would help, you know? Just in general. And and you know, unfortunately like a lot of people are really struggling right now, even those who ha may have ⁓
Gabrielle (27:57)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Marilis (28:19)
had good financial practices. That's just fact of the matter. So the conversation around finances, it's like, yeah, it it does help. We all want to make more money.
Gabrielle (28:31)
Yeah. That reminds me of like this like meme. I know I've sent it to you before. And I was like, I need a a BF. Like a b you know, I need a boyfriend. It's like, no, I don't need a boyfriend. I need a BF. I need a billion effing dollars.
Marilis (28:46)
Don't we all don't we all Yes
Gabrielle (28:49)
Is there any you okay, so you were in the comment during your twenties, obviously way different than me, but what would you feel like you took away or like learned in your twenties that like has helped you now into your thirties?
Marilis (28:55)
Yeah.
So for sure, yeah. So I always joke that the convent is like finishing school on steroids. In the sense of like, if you wanna be the ultimate trad wife, go hang out and live in a convent for at least a year. Because at least my convent, you we learned how to clean like no other, like s on my hands and knees scrubbing.
Gabrielle (29:30)
Ha ha ha.
Marilis (29:31)
The floor type of a cleaning un we would vacuum brick walls. I know it sounds crazy 'cause we had we had exposed brick inside, and we had to vacuum them.
Gabrielle (29:36)
What?
Yeah.
my god.
Marilis (29:45)
So it was like intense cleaning. Like the the handy men would be like, you need to stop cleaning so much to like not just me, but to everybody, to the scissors. Because we would be breaking like we were like messing the brick up. Because at one point at one point yeah, at one point they were like taking a brush and scrubbing them. So then that's why we resorted to vacuuming. But anyway, that's besides the point. We learned how to clean we learned
Gabrielle (29:53)
Yeah.
because it was like too much moisture or something?
She learned not to do that.
Marilis (30:13)
Not to do that. But we learned how to clean. You learn how to like live in community with a bunch of women. Which obviously you just learn a lot about yourself. You know, people you live with mirror who you are to you. ⁓ so especially with women. Like I think community life is difficult in its own
way just naturally as humans, right? We're gonna get on each other's nerves and rub each other the wrong way. But I think like women especially because we have a tendency to be gossipy and catty and whatever. So to like really learn how to live well in community, how to communicate well, how to be confrontational. Like I was not a confrontational person before the convent. I the confrontation loving person you see today did not exist.
in her, you know, at nineteen when I entered in my early twenties. Like this was something that I learned in religious life. Like how to set good boundaries, kind of really like learn a lot about who I am and what I want and to be able to express that. ⁓ and I think too like maturing in a way in my twenties that I don't think I would have been able to mature had I not been in religious life. You know what I mean? So then being able
Gabrielle (31:33)
Yeah.
Marilis (31:34)
like the habits and the discipline that I have today to be able to juggle a lot of things and be stretched and not like panic over it. You know what I mean? Like so I think sorry.
Gabrielle (31:47)
Yeah. So is no, I was gonna ask, like, is that something they like taught you in the convent or is it just something like, Hey, I had to have boundaries 'cause like I need to communicate this in a clear way to like my someone in my community or like, did you know what I mean? Like how did it do you think it formed? 'Cause obviously you're there for eight years or okay.
Marilis (32:05)
Yeah, like we Yeah, I was there eight years. ⁓ I don't think we we did have formation classes, but it's also things that you learn just from like living with people day in and day out. I mean, there was only one other sister in my class and we did everything together. The only time we were not together
Gabrielle (32:20)
Mm.
Marilis (32:30)
was when we were sleeping and our rooms were right next door to each other. So like we would knock on our brick walls at nighttime and she would knock, ⁓ Praise be Jesus Christ and I would knock back now and forever. It was like our little thing. But like that was we sat in our pew together. We had classes together. We did everything together. And as somebody, and this is I I've always been like this, the t like I'm very independent person. I think it comes with like being an
Gabrielle (32:45)
Mm.
Marilis (32:59)
eldest daughter, eldest child of like I need my space, I need to go do my own thing. So I think like God putting me with her in the novish it, then the novish it is the first stage of religious life. ⁓ and having to learn like how to live with somebody that in such close proximity and have them see like the nice and but also the ugly parts of me.
Gabrielle (33:12)
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
Marilis (33:27)
It was very much like a learning experience. And we were so different. Like I'm from New York City. She was from Ohio. You know what I mean? Like she was so sweet and nice and I'm just not at all. But to learn how to like to love her, even though she wasn't somebody that I would naturally gravitate to, you know, and ⁓ to learn how to set good boundaries when I didn't like
Gabrielle (33:35)
Yeah.
Marilis (33:54)
when we were forced to be together all the time. Like it wasn't like I could like, sorry, sister, I don't want to see you today. Like, no, we had to. Like there was no choice. So to be able to communicate well, you just learn it just from being together and having to live day in and day out. And then of course once you make vows, it's even more so because you're all professed sisters. So it was just Yeah. So yeah, like are we taught it?
Gabrielle (34:14)
Yeah. And I feel like living with someone like that without it being like it's not your family and it's not like a romantic like it's not your husband. So it's just like a unique experience. Cause even like even if you have a roommate, yes, you do learn good and bad parts about you, but this is like this is not a roommate level. This is like way this is this is a unique experience you had.
Marilis (34:28)
For sure.
Yeah.
No.
For sure. And it's it's like this is the beauty of community life too in the convent. Like, yes, community life is a cross, but it's also the greatest gift because no one knows what you're going through in religious life except the sisters who are also going through it with you. So for example, my I entered after Christmas. So my first big holiday in the convent was Easter and as
novices as postulants and novices, you could not communicate with anyone outside af like during Lent. Like no letters, you could not receive letters, you could not send letters, like no phone calls, nothing. Like you're completely cut off from your family, which was really hard for me. My mom and I talk every day, you know? So it was really, really hard for me. ⁓ and Easter, that first Easter was still my I was still what?
Gabrielle (35:33)
Yeah.
Marilis (35:40)
Three months, four months in the convent, so very new. And on Easter Sunday, we were given all the letters that were sent to us during Lent. So it's like this stack of letters, right? From my family, from my friends, whatever. And I'm reading them in my room. Sister is next door in her room reading them, and I'm sobbing. Like like weeping, like wailing in my room. I could not well, A, I thought I was
Gabrielle (36:03)
⁓
Marilis (36:08)
crying not so loudly, but like these walls are paper thin, you know? And I just remember sister knocking on my door and I opened the door and she's sobbing too and we just held each other as we cried. I mean so we're gonna cry a little bit remembering that. But like no one else knows what you're going through in the convent except those sisters that are there with you. And so my gosh, I can't believe I'm getting emotional remember this. But
Gabrielle (36:11)
Yeah.
No
Yeah.
Marilis (36:32)
But you know what I mean? Like I can write to my friends outside, I can write to my family outside, I can talk to my spiritual director about it, like my confessor about it, but they still don't get it the way your sisters get it. So I think even though you're not like blood family and you didn't know each other before you walk through those doors, there is a intimacy that forms there in a way that I don't think is possible elsewhere. You know what I mean?
Gabrielle (36:37)
Yeah.
Mm.
Yeah.
No, I think
Marilis (37:02)
Especially when you're going through like those initial first years together. Because you're both or you're all going through like having just left the world and then trying to live this whole new life that you you know it in the world we don't know what it's like in the comment. Like you see sisters out and about and you like will hear their vocation stories, but you don't actually know what it's like until you're actually living it day in and day out.
Gabrielle (37:31)
Yeah. And I think that's such like a beautiful it's like such a unique thing 'cause I feel like a lot of people don't have
You don't experience life the way you're so like in that intimate setting as you should until obviously this is a different context, but like a new married couple. They get married and they like now you're living a life with someone. Or if you chosen to like, hey, it's you and your boyfriend, hey, let's move in together. Like, is that the way that, you know, the church thinks or like, is that like the best way to do it? No, it's not. You know, but
Marilis (37:56)
Right.
Gabrielle (38:09)
then you would learn to live life, but like kind of in like a I don't want to say a broken way, but like not the way it was intended and not the ideal way. But in this way, like you're so intimate with somebody and it's not like a romantic thing. It's just you're living life in such a way that's just so unique. And I feel like, you know, even if you would never like get into a romantic relationship, seriously, like a husband
Marilis (38:16)
Yeah.
Right.
Gabrielle (38:35)
like you probably bring a lot to like your friendships or just like you see things a lot differently 'cause you've had that experience. I just feel like it's really cool. 'Cause like in ways I haven't like I don't have that experience with someone 'cause I just haven't been that level, you know?
Marilis (38:40)
Yes. Yeah.
For sure. And it's like you choose your husband, you know what I mean? But in the content, you don't choose the sisters that are there with you. And it's you it this is like God somehow brought your path and like brought her path and my path there together at the same time. And we were supposed to just like not just figure it out, but like yeah, accompany each other in a way on this journey that like nobody else will ever have that.
Gabrielle (38:52)
Yeah.
You don't.
Be on that journey.
Marilis (39:18)
For me. You know what mean? ⁓ and it was also odd in a way that it was just the two of us. Like normally there is more in a group, or like there's more, and then people leave in the novice it, but no, like it was always just her and I. And of course, like then there were other sisters, you know, in the novice it with us, but like that specific relationship is like what stands out in my head as we're talking. Yeah.
Gabrielle (39:20)
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, about the twenties. No, I think that's great.
Marilis (39:46)
And we were the same age, like we were both the same age, like super young when we entered. You know what I mean? Like both dropped out of college to enter the convent. So all these things and yeah, like the the religious life just forms you in a way, whether you're receiving formal formation or formation just from living the life that very much I mean, I've taken into my thirties, into who I am today, even though I'm not a sister anymore.
Gabrielle (39:51)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Marilis (40:16)
You know?
Gabrielle (40:16)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I was gonna say one thing. I was like, I remember we're texting about something, and I was I think it was like one of the previous podcasts, but I'm like, ugh, I still like sometimes I'll just not get a good habit of like my prayer life and stuff. And you were like, I just put it in my schedule. Like, I just like you're like, this is something I brought from the combat, and maybe you wouldn't share like you wouldn't bring this up to share. But I was like, of course, prayer lists will do this. But then I like thought about it, but I was like,
Well yeah, like she had like that was built into your days for like nearly a decade. I mean, it was part of your life. And obviously, like being Catholic is part of my life as well. But like you had it in such a structured way. I feel like it's like really beautiful, like to take it to to the rest of your life, you know? And I feel like someone who's just like da-da-da, doing your own little world, like sometimes it's easy to be like, I forgot about that, even though it should be like
Marilis (40:50)
Every day. Yeah.
Yeah.
Gabrielle (41:15)
What? You know what I mean? But I feel like that's something else so like that I was thinking of for you.
Marilis (41:17)
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure. I mean, I it just felt because I really did think I was gonna be there forever. So it just felt so weird to go from the convent to then back in the world and not having the same structure. And so I was always like, well, I'm a single woman. Like, what would prevent me from still having a s I don't do everything that I did as a sister prayer wise. It just would be impossible. but
Gabrielle (41:28)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Of course, yeah.
Marilis (41:51)
I you know, there are definitely a lot of things that are still very structured in my day. And it was, yeah, the convent definitely helped instill those habits of me like if you look at my calendar, you'll see like rise. You know, like I call it my little aurarium. That's what we called it in the convent too. But you'll see like when I get up, when I pray my morning prayer, it's scheduled in because if I don't, then I won't do it. But it would just felt it would have just felt weird to go from that
Gabrielle (42:15)
Yeah.
Marilis (42:19)
You know, to then nothing. Like I just yeah.
Gabrielle (42:21)
Yeah. Almost like a rejection. I don't know if that's the right word, but like, you know?
Marilis (42:26)
Yeah. Yeah, well when I first left of course there was a lot of hurt and pain there, so I was like, I'm not gonna be doing this anymore. I even like stopped going to mass, I think, for l I don't know, not long. It was n a month maybe. But it just felt so I felt so deprived and I knew it wasn't what I was supposed to be doing, like I just it wasn't
It was only hurting me. You know what I mean? It wasn't like I was getting back at God or something or the c the community for not going to mass anywhere. Like the only person getting hurt in that was me. So I was like crawled my way into confession. You know, like I'm back again.
Gabrielle (42:52)
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm back.
⁓ I yeah, I mean, we should ask like you guys if you have something in your twenties that was like really monumental, like changed the way you walked into your thirties or even like early twenties to late twenties, you know, if you you're not there yet or whatever. We'd love to hear that from you guys too, to be like 'cause I feel like everyone's different. Like obviously my story is very different than their list's story. And not just because she was in the comet and I was out in the world, you know, everyone's gonna be different, but like
Marilis (43:29)
Yeah, that is.
Gabrielle (43:40)
The whole thing of like my life is isn't what I expected, but I feel like I've also like once I pass thirty, I was kinda like, wait, hold on, like my thirties are actually like kind of iconic. Like, you should lean into that. Like, make your life
Marilis (43:52)
Yeah.
Gabrielle (43:57)
I don't wanna say like be the main character of your life, but like romanticize your life. We talked about it, like yes.
Marilis (43:59)
But yeah. Why not? Why not be the main character? It's your life. Like you you should not be the supporting act in your own life. Yes.
Gabrielle (44:05)
Yeah.
Not in a pretentious type of way, but like be the main character like not to be like in a like you think you're better than people or whatever. But like it's your life. You know? Do do your thing.
Marilis (44:16)
No. Yes. And like build a beautiful li Yes. Yes, Gabrielle. Like build the beautiful life that you want for yourself. And I just wanted to add too, like, for those who are in their thirties and don't feel like you can relate to what Gabrielle and I talking about or you don't feel settled or you're still trying to figure it out, like that's okay. I was not here.
Gabrielle (44:23)
Yes.
Marilis (44:43)
even three years ago. Do you know what I mean? So it's it's okay if you're not where you want to be yet and you're already in your thirties. Or if you are in a quote unquote where you're supposed to be but you're not happy and you want to make a change. Like make the change. That's what we mean by like you are you need to romanticize your life and be the main character. Like make that change. You're not living a life you're not fully in love with. Like that's not something that happens overnight.
Gabrielle (44:45)
Yeah.
Marilis (45:12)
You know, it's something that you're you foster and you're making choices to build the life that you do want to be living.
Gabrielle (45:12)
Yeah.
Yeah, and I think that like sometimes we think like, well, like if you're not where we're at, or you're just like not where you want to be. But like I just pulled some like some fictional characters and like some of these characters, season one of where their show started, they were 30 or older than 30. So like Rachel Green, like Jennifer Aniston, in the middle of her series, she was like 29. Like the end of her series, she's 32. She still had her whole life in front in front of her. Carrie Bradshaw, like we know, sex in the city.
She was 32 in season one. ⁓ Meredith Gray in Gray's Anatomy was also 32 in season one. And I think like my favorite is like Jenna Rink, which you guys probably know her as like the 13 going on 30 girl. She was 13 and she woke up in her 30th when she was 30. And I just remember her looking at like all her heels and she was opening her all her drawers. She had all her little like matching like.
She had her little pajamas and her suits and her little laundry. But like everything was like so glamorous and like she loved the life she was. And she wasn't like crying because she really wasn't like married yet or whatever. Like, yeah, there's romance in it. But like I just feel like we should like do that then more than be like, I'm I'm out of here. So like like we said, like romanticize your life, like love where you're at. And then also
If you're not where you want to be or you want to continue, like build it, like make changes to be where you want to be at. So like you can say, I'm grateful for my life today. ⁓ and there are things I want to change. And that can happen at the same time. Like, that doesn't mean you're complacent to like be grateful for where God has you today. You know? and then like wanting more doesn't mean like your current life isn't enough. So like
Marilis (47:05)
Yes.
Gabrielle (47:13)
Few examples like I put on here is like wanting marriage doesn't mean you're miserable single. Wanting a different career doesn't mean you hate your current one. Wanting to move doesn't mean you hate your home. Wanting to get healthier doesn't mean you hate your body. 'cause I feel like sometimes like I don't know, at least for me, like sometimes it's like a good motivating factor to being like, I don't like where I'm at, so I have to work hard to get somewhere else. But sometimes like where I'm at's fine. I just want to
Get somewhere better, you know what I mean?
Marilis (47:45)
Yeah, I think often we think we have to be in extremes. Like it's either one or the other and it's y both can exist at the same time. And it's okay.
Gabrielle (47:54)
Yeah. Yeah. So I feel like it's good. And I just put like some advice for the in between. Cause like let's just say like you you're happy, but not where you want to be, or there's some building that's left to do, which I feel like that's literally everyone. ⁓ yeah, I mean
Marilis (48:13)
Yeah. We're just getting started. I feel like I'm just getting started.
Gabrielle (48:18)
Me too. So I feel like first we talk about this a lot on the podcast is like stop comparing your timeline. Like your friend's life is not evidence that you're behind. Like it's just everyone's life is different. Everyone has different opportunities. God puts you in different places. Like just one, stop comparing your timeline to appreciate what you built. Look back and acknowledge what 20-year-old you will be proud of today. And you know.
Everyone has had different lives. Like there might have been a very traumatic ⁓ event in your life. Maybe you didn't have like the best like role models or parents or friends. Like maybe you went through harder things where you're just like, I just feel like ⁓ the starting line was here for a lot of people. And I started like 30 seconds. Yeah, I started way back. I started like they all got a 30-second head start. That's okay. Like, you know what I mean? Like just appreciate where you've grown, because we've all grown in some capacity.
Marilis (49:05)
Way back.
Mm-hmm.
Gabrielle (49:16)
Three, be honest about what you want. Four, take one step towards it. So like don't overhaul your whole life. Just pick something actionable and get going with that. And then five, like let the season be what it is. Like your thirties don't have to look exactly like everyone else's. So like
Don't wish away your life, which is just like all these things we've talked about before, but just just like a little bit of encouragement. Cause like I think me and Marelis are both like enjoying the fruits of our labor right now and we're still very like excited and motivated to do even more. But at the same time, like if you're not here, we're really not being like, haha, look like our lives are great and like I think everyone can achieve a really beautiful and successful life. It's not like
Marilis (49:47)
Yeah.
Gabrielle (50:04)
I'm not just like not one of those girls. Like, no, everyone has opportunity to do it. It's just like you need to just take steps, take one step at a time, you know?
Marilis (50:07)
Right.
Yeah.
Yes. Yeah, and I think the comparison thing that you talked about really plays into that because it's like when we have that mindset of my life doesn't look like what I think it should look like, well, what do you think it should look like? Because if you what you end up describing to yourself when you answer that question is what you see somebody else living out and not what you want, what you desire, then that's exactly what we mean with like you need to regroup and set goals.
to really get to where you want to be. Like whether that's if you want to own a home, like what steps you need to take to get to reach that goal or literally like insert any goal here. You know, there are smaller steps before getting to that ⁓ specific thing. So for sure.
Gabrielle (50:59)
Yeah.
Big one. Yeah. And I just I was gonna say, like, with it's just a takeaway when I was finishing writing this one. I was like, I was thinking about like what I wanted like 10 years ago when I was 21. And like my 21-year-old self's dreams really like aren't relevant to like my 31-year-old self's reality. So, like when I was 21, I thought I was gonna be married at a certain age, I thought I was gonna have a certain type of
Marilis (51:28)
Yeah.
Gabrielle (51:35)
career, that I was gonna have a certain amount of kids. I was like it, you know, place X here. Like as a 21 year old, I had a certain view of life and what life was gonna look like. ⁓ and it looks completely different. Like honestly, like if I would have put I would put big money, like it's funny, me and my sister, like my sister was very much like the go-getter. I thought my sister would have like stayed single and like gone traveling and just like done her whole thing. Like she was the one that was more like
had that mindset and I was one of the ones probably more like, I just want to kind of settle down, have some kids. ⁓ it's the complete opposite. My sister has like three kids and I'm here like kind of like go get her, like worker girl. But it's just funny because like we both are really happy with our lives right now. And like if she was living if we switched lives, it just wouldn't be what we're supposed to be doing.
Marilis (52:11)
It's the complete opposite now. ⁓
Yeah.
Gabrielle (52:34)
If we try to force fit, you know, that. But yeah, just like don't let I just put like don't let the life that you thought you'd have prevent you from appreciating the life you're actually living. So
Marilis (52:47)
I love that. I think even too, like we could ask our friends who are in their thirties and, you know, are married. I think even they'd say like, My marriage doesn't look like what I thought it would, or my husband isn't who I imagined I would marry. Like, we all have I think just life happens and you just don't think it doesn't turn out the way you s would have dreamt it would have in your early twenties. You know, like twenty one year old so and so
who might be married now. I have friends who are like, I thought I'd be, you know, living somewhere else, doing something else. So you just
Gabrielle (53:24)
Yeah. Don't worry about twenty one year old you. They didn't know what they wanted anyway. Unless you got married at twenty one you I guess you won't you wanted your husband. But that's about it.
Marilis (53:31)
I know.
I gotta look back on my journals from my twenties. I always enjoy reading them 'cause it's like, ⁓ look at me.
Gabrielle (53:40)
Mm.
I know. I love reading back on old journal entries. I'm like, my gosh. Little me. Just didn't know what was gonna happen. But yeah, just love the life you have. ⁓ this week maybe like be honest, think about like some things maybe you want in your life or want to change, and then take some action towards it just step by step. And ⁓ we'll all get there where we're supposed to be. But
We would love to hear your takes from this, or if you made any big decisions in your twenties, or just in a time of your life you wanted to to invest in yourself. you can call our hotline at 361-857-9338 or 361-85Sweet. Email us at sweet single life podcast at gmail.com. You can also find us most active on Instagram at one sweet single life. And yeah, let us know if you want to hear any ⁓
particular topics and we will be back next week.
Bye guys.