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That’s Not Very Ladylike is the podcast for every woman who was told to be polite, stay calm, or stop being so dramatic, meanwhile her hormones, boundaries, and sanity were quietly falling apart.
Hosted by Tracey Willingham, licensed social worker and the voice behind That Hormone Girl™, each episode starts with one rule: Ladies don’t…and then they do it anyway.
Together, we unpack the unspoken expectations, the emotional labor, the generational BS, and the hormone chaos modern women are carrying and we get honest about what it actually takes to feel like yourself again.
If you’re ready to question the rules, trust your body, and stop shrinking to make everyone else comfortable, you’re in the right place.
You're listening to That's Not Very Ladylike, the show where every week we start with one rule, ladies don't. And then we do it anyway. I'm Tracy Willingham and you might know me as that hormone girl. In today's episode, we're staying loud and raising a little hell by talking about ladies don't rest, they recover in secret. To that's not very ladylike episode two where today we're talking about ladies don't rest they recover in secret.
Tracey:So let's just hop into today's subject. So somewhere along the line we started calling exhaustion commitment and we made caffeine a personality and we definitely have turned the I can do it all she can do it all. Can you believe everything she does? That all becomes a badge of honor. And we don't rest.
Tracey:In fact, I've heard many women say I rally. So we push through, we pour another cup, slap on some concealer on those bags under our eyes, and then we have the audacity to call it resilience. But what if the real rebellion isn't pushing harder? It's in stopping sooner. So ladies don't rest.
Tracey:They recover in secret and we've all seen it the way women apologize for slowing down. So the way we whisper, I'm just so tired. Like it's a confession instead of a clue. And we've been taught that rest is what you do after you've earned your keep, after the house is clean, after the kids are fed, after the inbox is empty, but especially after the guilt has quieted down enough to let you lie still. But the truth that a lot of us know is that moment never comes.
Tracey:And that's because our culture doesn't reward rest. It resents it. And as a matter of fact, I've heard words used for rest as indulgent, lazy, and selfish. And most of those have been attached to women. Because we were raised to serve not to stop and we were taught that our value comes from how much we hold how well we can hide the cracks and then also just like how gracefully we can collapse without making anyone else uncomfortable or feel like they are lazy.
Tracey:And I know this firsthand. So there was a time when I was so deep in that cycle, the grind, the hustle, that I couldn't tell the difference between productive and what ultimately became self destructive. So I worked myself right into panic attacks. I'd finish a full day and then drive home from the office. And one night, I couldn't even find my way home.
Tracey:And what all of us know is a lot of times we go on autopilot. There's times where you'll be like, Oh my gosh, how did I'm three miles further than the last time I remember. And my body was so overwhelmed that that couldn't even kick in. I couldn't find my way home. And I sat at a stoplight shaking completely numb and staring at a street that I had driven a 100 times like it was my first time on that road.
Tracey:And my brain literally just shut down. And that's when the panic attacks started. And this happened several times before I finally convinced myself I have to tell someone and I have to take some time off work and I have to put myself first. And then as many of you are probably already anticipating when I got brave enough to say it these statements were said to me. Do you really need two weeks off?
Tracey:What happened? I mean this feels like it came out of nowhere. Are you sure it's not just stress? I wish I could just take two weeks off. You know what I mean?
Tracey:Who's gonna make sure your job gets done? And the worst one, and I hope no one ever says this to you, and please don't ever say this to anyone. It's the one that made me really question my own sanity. You don't look like someone who has panic attacks. And that's what happens when you run your nervous system like a machine.
Tracey:It starts to break down in silence. So I did what most women do. I got medicated. I numbed myself enough to function. And I went around telling people I'm coping.
Tracey:But coping isn't living and burnout isn't bravery. We call it self care, but most of us treat it like damage control. We take a bath when we're breaking, a walk only when we can't think straight, a nap only when our body has staged a protest, And we've normalized depletion. We don't even call it burnout. We say, Oh, I'm just I'm so high in demand right now.
Tracey:We brag about being booked and busy. But secretly, we're fantasizing about running away to a cabin where no one can find us or even ask for one more thing. And so I don't know who needs to hear this. But if you do, this message is for you and I mean it with 100% sincerity and 100% authority. You need rest and you need recovery.
Tracey:So society says slowing down is failure. But you know what? What do we say? Because men are praised for focus, but women are praised for endurance. And we're not told to stop.
Tracey:We're told to smile through it, to power through until it breaks us. And then only then are we granted permission to rest and just long enough until you can become useful again. But what if the rest wasn't a reward for surviving and what if it was the foundation for everything else? So let's talk about how deep this programming goes. So from the time we're little girls, we're praised for being helpers.
Tracey:Not leaders, not visionaries, helpers. We played house while our brothers played superheroes. They got capes. We got chores. And we learned real fast.
Tracey:Ladies don't rest. They stay useful. And so we learned that taking a break only counts if you've already earned it. That exhaustion means you're doing it right. You're living your life the right way.
Tracey:And that if you're not overwhelmed, you're probably underperforming. And we've built our whole personality types around being tired. I'm just someone who needs to stay busy. You know, I can't sit still. I function better actually under pressure.
Tracey:And actually what that translates to is what you're really saying is, I've forgotten how to exist without adrenaline. We don't rest. We collapse strategically. We call it a mental health day, but then you still spend it cleaning the house. We take a break, but we'll still answer emails from the couch.
Tracey:And we can't even take a nap without apologizing for it. Women will literally say, I laid down for a second, but I didn't sleep. I just closed my eyes. As if unconsciousness requires justification. But coping isn't living.
Tracey:It's seriously survival and lipstick. And our biology does not care about optics. Your nervous system does not care how productive your planner looks, and your adrenaline's definitely don't clap because you pushed through your lunch break. So we can glamorize that grind all we want, but at the end of the day, our bodies still know that we're lying. So let's consider this for a second.
Tracey:When a man takes a break, we call it recharging. When a woman does, we call it falling behind. We say rest is productive now like it's some radical idea, but it shouldn't be revolutionary to need sleep. We've created a culture that worships the woman who can handle it all. And then we shame the ones who say, I can't do it anymore.
Tracey:So what if we stopped treating rest like a luxury? What if it became our baseline and not our backup plan? And what if you didn't wait until you were dizzy, tearful, or numb to pull that plug? What if you saw fatigue as feedback and not failure? So I know some of you are thinking, Okay, Tracy, but if I stop everything falls apart.
Tracey:And I used to believe that too. And you know what? Maybe it does. And that's okay. Because the truth is everything's already falling apart because you won't stop.
Tracey:So I want you to know rest isn't weakness. It's what makes recovery possible, and it's what keeps your hormones from starting a riot and your mind from turning survival into your default setting because you can't heal in the same state that broke you, and you cannot think clearly on fumes. And most importantly, you can't lead, love, or live from an empty nervous system. And maybe the most rebellious thing a woman can do is rest on purpose. So this week, I want you to notice something.
Tracey:When do you actually let yourself rest? And not society's definition, our definition we're talking about today. Is it when the laundry is folded? Is it when everyone else's needs are met? Or is it when you've hit your breaking point and your body finally does like mine and shuts down?
Tracey:What would happen if you gave yourself permission sooner and if you stopped waiting for exhaustion to grant you a hall pass? So girls, start small. Maybe it's five quiet minutes in the car before you walk inside. Maybe it's saying, I'm done for today, when you still have 10 things left on your to do list. And maybe it's letting the world be a little disappointed so that your nervous system can finally exhale.
Tracey:So rest isn't something you have to deserve. It's something you have to defend because the world isn't going to hand it to you. It benefits too much from your depletion. Let me say that again. The world will not give you rest because it benefits too much from your depletion.
Tracey:So defend it, protect it, practice it out loud. Tell the people around you, I'm resting right now. And say it like it's a boundary, not an apology. So you're not going to say it like, Oh, I'm resting right now. You're going to look them straight in the eye and you're going to say, I'm resting right now.
Tracey:Hard stop boundary. Because every time a woman chooses rest before the crash, she changes something ancient. And we tell the next generation of women that peace isn't passive. It's powerful. We're learning to rest before we break.
Tracey:We're learning that stopping isn't weakness, it's wisdom. And maybe the bravest thing a woman can do is stop trying to earn the thing her body already deserves. You already deserve rest. You do not need to earn it because we are taking up space we are slowing our pace and we are saying I'm done for today and that's not lazy that's leadership And that's the most unladylike thing of all. Thanks for joining me today for that's not very lady like.
Tracey:If today's episode lit a fire, pushed your buttons, or called a little BS on the stories we've been sold, share it with another woman who's tired of being told to tone it down, smile more, or play nice, and help a girl out by making sure you subscribe, leave a quick review, and catch me on Instagram at that hormone girl. And until next time, keep getting loud, messy, and raising hell because being ladylike is overrated.