The Mind of a Child

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Social media says the '90s mom had it all figured out, but what was she actually doing right? In this episode, we take a warm, honest look at what defined our generation of mothering and what today's young moms can carry forward.

From supervised freedom and unstructured play to chores, limited technology, and keeping the heart at home, we ground this conversation in Titus 2 and the timeless truth that faithful motherhood begins with a heart oriented toward God, not fear, comparison, or the pressure to perform.

Episode Highlights

00:00 What defined a 90s mom?
09:00 Parenting without fear
13:20 Social media and anxiety
19:00 Putting down the phone and being present
21:00 Bringing the heart home

Please send us your questions if you'd like to have them discussed on the podcast: themindofachildpodcast@gmail.com

The Mind of a Child is an early child development podcast that exists to encourage and equip parents to raise their kids to love God and love others. If you're looking for Biblical principles, practical parenting solutions, and science-backed research, our discussions are specifically tailored for you. Our hosts are Leslie Dudley Corbell and Diane Doucet Matthews, who each have a combined 50+ years of experience in the early child parenting space.

Creators and Guests

Host

Diane Doucet Matthews

Wife of Elder, Fellowship Bible Church

Host

Leslie Dudley Corbell

Childhood Services Specialist, Arkansas State

Producer

Daniel Matthews

Rockwell Productions Owner & Operator

What is The Mind of a Child?

The Mind of a Child is produced by Rockwell Productions (www.rockwell-productions.com).

[00:00:00] Leslie Corbell: Hello, I'm Leslie Dudley Korbel. And I'm Diane Doucette Matthews. Welcome to The Mind of a Child

[00:00:13] Leslie Corbell: We're so glad you've joined us today. In today's conversation, Diane and I are gonna explore what does it mean to be a '90s mom. I hadn't even heard of '90s moms until Madeline mentioned them to me today. She was like, "Oh, Mom, look, there's '90s moms, and Gap moms, and butter moms, and you were those things." And so that was really fun for me, but I hadn't heard of it.

[00:00:34] Leslie Corbell: Have you heard of

[00:00:35] Diane Matthews: it? No, I hadn't heard it, of it until you mentioned it to me, and then I read there was also an almond milk mom. Mm. And I think I fit more into that one. I just enjoyed reading how we were described, so thanks.

[00:00:48] Leslie Corbell: Yes. So we do see the struggle that young moms- Mm ... out there are going through, and see that it divides your heart, and want to encourage you to bring your heart home.

[00:00:58] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:00:59] Leslie Corbell: And so that [00:01:00] brings us to a Titus verse-

[00:01:01] Diane Matthews: Yes ...

[00:01:01] Leslie Corbell: that Diane's gonna read for us.

[00:01:03] Diane Matthews: Yes. Uh, it's Titus 2:4-5, and it says, "They," talking about the older women, which you know what, we fall into that since we're the '90s moms. "The older women can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, and to be busy at home."

[00:01:24] Diane Matthews: That's the verse. One of the things that

[00:01:26] Leslie Corbell: we didn't have- Mm ... that

[00:01:28] Diane Matthews: they

[00:01:28] Leslie Corbell: have today, that I can see as a '90s mom, former '90s mom, grandparenting as a grandmommy in the 20s, I can see the role of social media- Yes ... the internet, and cellphones.

[00:01:42] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:01:42] Leslie Corbell: And we didn't, we didn't experience that.

[00:01:44] Diane Matthews: No, we did not. No. And, you know, you wanna say it just made our lives so much easier, but as we've talked about, every season has its own struggles.

[00:01:55] Diane Matthews: Let's read what are the descriptions that they're saying [00:02:00] out there describes a '90s mom. So we're just gonna read them off, and then we'll talk about them after that. So first, it said that it, there was supervised freedom for our children. There was limited technology, boredom and self-reliance, and we'll go into that one too, and then two more.

[00:02:20] Diane Matthews: Less pressure to perform, and then chores and autonomy. So, uh, do these describe us? What do you think? I would say yes, for the most part. Okay, let's talk about that. Let's, let's hit the first one. Supervision.

[00:02:37] Leslie Corbell: Supervised freedom. So we have supervision and, and- Freedom. Mm-hmm. Coming together at the same time, and I do think that that's a piece that's hard to communicate, because we didn't just let them run wild- No

[00:02:52] Leslie Corbell: and not know what they were doing. But we also weren't hovering. Correct. And so there is a fine balance there that I [00:03:00] wanna encourage parents to find. Mm-hmm. So there would be unstructured play so that they could play freely, but then you al- you always knew what they were doing. Didn't you always know what they were doing?

[00:03:10] Leslie Corbell: Yes. I did. Yes, yes. You know, I could- Well, I thought I did. Yeah.

[00:03:17] Diane Matthews: You know, they talk about the eyes in the back of your head. Yes, really. I mean, a

[00:03:18] Leslie Corbell: mom knows. You, you check in visually- Mm-hmm ... with very young children, especially preschoolers, infants, toddlers. I mean, they're, we're really supervising with them.

[00:03:28] Leslie Corbell: But I think about, you know, you'll see the pictures of the children or you'll hear, hear stories from other moms about their preschooler coloring on the walls- Yeah, mm-hmm ... or getting into mom's makeup And that's really more a, an adult supervision problem than it is a child's- Yes ... disobedience problem. So-

[00:03:47] Diane Matthews: Yes, and I'm sure everybody has that happen- Yeah

[00:03:49] Diane Matthews: to them- Yes ... every now and then. I mean, it does happen, but

[00:03:53] Leslie Corbell: yeah. Absolutely, but there's an idea of this freedom comes with growth and development. Mm-hmm. And so by watching your [00:04:00] child, observing them play, you'll know where that is, and you gradually, gradually, gradually are giving them more unsupervised time, more d- more time that's not directly supervised.

[00:04:11] Diane Matthews: Yeah.

[00:04:11] Leslie Corbell: But you always know if they might need help with something. You might have an opportunity to extend their learning as they're exploring.

[00:04:18] Diane Matthews: Yes.

[00:04:18] Leslie Corbell: Yeah, that-

[00:04:19] Diane Matthews: And there's so many studies out there that say play, learn, you know? Learning and playing go hand-in-hand. That's how they really learn- Mm-hmm

[00:04:27] Diane Matthews: especially preschoolers. So yeah, that, that was ... We were both on that, that together on it. Yes. Okay. The, the other one, we don't have to talk too much about this, 'cause limited technology. We both had limited technology because there wasn't, uh, really any there except the television. Mm-hmm. And I don't know about you, but I was pretty strict about television and time spent in front of the TV.

[00:04:53] Diane Matthews: And then what was the other thing? Our telephones. Mm. You know, I tried to limit the phone calls that I [00:05:00] made when the kids were right there with me, but there wasn't a lot of choices- Yeah ... you know, with technology, but today there is. The next one. Unstructured boredom. So we, it is that

[00:05:13] Leslie Corbell: whole idea of just playing and exploring indoors and outdoors so that children can problem solve, find things to do, grow in that way, and I think we allowed for a lot of that.

[00:05:27] Leslie Corbell: We weren't always scheduling activities. Mm-mm. We threw in novel things here and there, of course, but, um, no, e- every day at home was playing and- And- ... just enjoying it ...

[00:05:39] Diane Matthews: and we know that when kids are bored, or even ourselves we're bored, that promotes creativity. It forces you to be creative, and that's what's been lost a lot of times nowadays with children.

[00:05:54] Diane Matthews: Mm. You know, they're, they're not, they're not able to be bored because they're go and go and goin', so that was a good thing. [00:06:00] Um-

[00:06:00] Leslie Corbell: And I wanna throw something back on this, 'cause it kind of goes a little bit with that whole supervision thing.

[00:06:06] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:06:06] Leslie Corbell: Children will find things to do. Yes. So again, that's why you do want to have some- modicum of supervision going on because you really hope that they find things to do that you, that are productive and that you want them to do

[00:06:21] Diane Matthews: Right.

[00:06:21] Diane Matthews: That- And free time.

[00:06:22] Leslie Corbell: Yeah

[00:06:22] Diane Matthews: That they can do that. Or, you know, just drawing and creating stories. You know, uh, I, I can just list the creativity that my kids had when they were younger. It was just so fun, and even now that they're older. So yeah, that's a good thing. And then the next one was less pressure to perform.

[00:06:43] Diane Matthews: What do you think about this one?

[00:06:44] Leslie Corbell: That one might have caught me since I was a parent later in the '90s. I can't say that I didn't fall prey to the whole adult-led, adult-organized activities. We were en- enrolled in sports, and [00:07:00] dance, and a whole lot of things at a very young age. Hmm. And I do look back and kind of regret that.

[00:07:05] Leslie Corbell: But on the other hand, we had tons of unstructured playtime. Mm-hmm. They were outside playing in the yard, building things with sticks, building forts. I mean- Yes ... they were very busy and unstructured as well. But I do think there is a healthy balance to find there with adult-organized things and unstructured time, and you don't wanna lose that- Mm

[00:07:28] Leslie Corbell: unstructured playtime. Without, yeah. And where the children create the rules. Right. And the children create the- Yes,

[00:07:33] Diane Matthews: children

[00:07:34] Leslie Corbell: create- Create the rules. And, and the- That's

[00:07:35] Diane Matthews: even fun to watch

[00:07:36] Leslie Corbell: Yes, yeah. Listening. Let, let them invent the activities- Yes, yes ... invent the games, and come up with them. And there's so much creativity, and problem-solving, and play that goes into that, and I-

[00:07:47] Diane Matthews: Yeah.

[00:07:48] Diane Matthews: Uh, I would have to agree with you. We fought the competitive, you know, play, you know, just sports for as long as we could. We didn't start anything until my [00:08:00] oldest was in first grade, and we tried to push everybody, you know, until then to get going on some things, but we slacked a little bit. But I would say that it robbed us of some family time.

[00:08:13] Diane Matthews: We enjoyed it. We enjoyed watching our kids play sports. But as we've gotten older, and Hank and I have talked about it, it did rob us of- Mm-hmm ... some, um, family time that we could have had together. So yeah.

[00:08:26] Leslie Corbell: Yeah. Yeah. So we just encourage you all, everyone listening, to be prayerful- Yeah ... and seek wisdom and discernment when dec- making those decisions for your

[00:08:35] Diane Matthews: children.

[00:08:36] Diane Matthews: Yeah, because, and not to pressure your children into performing. Mm-hmm. And so the people in the '90s that did that, way to go. We both fell for it. Okay, and the next one, chores. How did you do at your house with chores?

[00:08:54] Leslie Corbell: I would say sometimes we had chores and sometimes I did the, [00:09:00] the chores myself. Uh, I would encourage...

[00:09:03] Leslie Corbell: I, I know the value of chores. Yeah, yeah. The great... I, myself, wasn't always organized and following through at that time- Yeah ... with things. And so, but absolutely, we know the research that points to having, children having chores. They're capable. They want them. They want to contribute, so.

[00:09:20] Diane Matthews: And it gives them a sense of responsibility.

[00:09:22] Diane Matthews: Yes. And that sense of belonging in a family, it is so very important. And I'd say we, we did the same thing. You know, we would just buck up and have all this list of chores, and everybody was, you know, doing their chores. And, uh, and then everything was going great, and then all of a sudden- Mm-hmm ... we'd be slipping off and not doing it, and then we'd have to kind of re- reorganize and, and get it done.

[00:09:44] Diane Matthews: But even when they were younger, you know, to get the table set, it was like, "Okay, everybody, come on. Okay, you put the napkins on the table. You put the forks on the table." There was always... They were, they were always doing something to get- Mm-hmm ... things accomplished around the house. So yeah, we did [00:10:00] chores.

[00:10:00] Diane Matthews: Even Hank always had the boys doing something out in the yard. I would say this, we will all make parenting mistakes, and we will all have parenting regrets, but God's grace is sufficient, and He covers those things. I think what we want to encourage everybody that's listening is don't parent out of fear.

[00:10:24] Diane Matthews: And I think a lot of the social media, the things that this younger generation is listening to, will instill fear, and we wanna encourage everyone to, to parent out of love. You know, pray that your kids will love God, will love people. And, uh, a, a really good friend of ours and a pastor told us this when our kids were young.

[00:10:53] Diane Matthews: He said, "Don't take the blame and don't take the credit for [00:11:00] whatever happens with your kids." And it was such wise counsel, but it really freed us from living in fear of what we were gonna do might ruin our kids or, oh, no. You know, just God's in control. He is in control. And, uh, what we added to it was stay on our knees.

[00:11:20] Diane Matthews: You know, pray. There is a spiritual warfare going on. But pray and leave it to God, but don't take the credit and don't take the, the blame.

[00:11:36] Leslie Corbell: Some parents might then ask, "Well then, why does it matter how I parent? I can't control the outcome." Even though that you and I were different in our parenting, I think our hearts are oriented the same. Mm-hmm. We were orient to God. We wanted to honor God and be obedient to Him. Mm-hmm. And so as parents, we would encourage you to parent out of obedience yourself to God.

[00:11:57] Leslie Corbell: We have been gifted with [00:12:00] children-

[00:12:01] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm ...

[00:12:01] Leslie Corbell: created in His image. He is the Creator, so we want to s- be good stewards- Yeah, yeah ... of our children- Mm-hmm ... and bring them up to n- to know Him, to love Him, to worship Him, and to live their lives- Mm-hmm ... in obedience. So I, I do think that while we don't have control of the outcome, we can be an influence, a good influence or a bad influence, and so let's be a good influence.

[00:12:26] Leslie Corbell: And- Definitely ... and really, I, I even think about in terms of me, my own salvation. You know, I wanna work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I wanna be, I wanna honor God in my parenting.

[00:12:40] Diane Matthews: Yes. And, you know, I w- I was glad you used the word stewards. We have been given that stewardship of being a parent over our children.

[00:12:49] Diane Matthews: So yes, we wanna obey Him. We want to love our children. We wanna share the gospel with them. We want to read the scriptures with them, lead them, [00:13:00] you know, in the way to Him. So yeah, I mean, we have some responsibilities, but, you know, but not the, the... What's our heart? Are we doing that out of fear, or are we doing it out of love for God, you know?

[00:13:14] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm. I think that's the bottom line. I do too. What, what's motivating us?

[00:13:17] Leslie Corbell: Yeah.

[00:13:17] Diane Matthews: So anyway.

[00:13:18] Leslie Corbell: I would a- I would agree with that.

[00:13:19] Diane Matthews: Yes.

[00:13:20] Leslie Corbell: As we mentioned earlier, you know, we are 90s moms grandparenting in the '20s, and we can see the things that are different for parents today, and the big one that we mentioned was telephones Social media and the internet.

[00:13:34] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:13:35] Leslie Corbell: And the social pressure, the, the internal pressure this creates, the anxiety it creates, do it this way. So a- and an example I recall seeing recently is, you know, Samuel is now 14 months almost, and when he began eating solids, there's a lot of information on the internet about when you do this- Mm

[00:13:57] Leslie Corbell: and how you do this and why you do [00:14:00] this, and if you don't do it this way, your child will end up having struggles in this way. And I kept encouraging Madeline, it's like he will eat solids when he's ready. It will flow naturally. He will wean when he's ready. Mm-hmm. It will also go very naturally as you direct it and guide him in it.

[00:14:20] Leslie Corbell: It really isn't a thing. Mm-hmm. And I think the social media made it a thing.

[00:14:26] Diane Matthews: Oh, yeah.

[00:14:26] Leslie Corbell: And so while you can look at that for advice and encouragement and ideas, you... I would encourage moms to not get so caught up in doing it a certain way that it begins to be almost a stronghold-

[00:14:41] Diane Matthews: Yeah ...

[00:14:41] Leslie Corbell: for them.

[00:14:42] Diane Matthews: An obsession.

[00:14:43] Diane Matthews: An

[00:14:43] Leslie Corbell: obsession.

[00:14:44] Diane Matthews: Yeah. You know, and I have a couple of thoughts on that. One thing, um, you know, you're speak- you're talking about the feeding techniques, but there's so many other things like the sleep, um... Oh, what is it? Sleep training- Mm ... and the parenting styles. So there's a lot of, [00:15:00] uh, parenting things that, you know, young moms can get a little concerned about or, you know, very concerned about.

[00:15:07] Diane Matthews: But, um, you know, thinking back to the '90s, I know for me, the feeding, my, my pediatrician said, "Well, at six months just start feeding him some oatmeal." You know? Mm. And so that's what I did. I mean, I didn't really think about it. Mm-hmm. And sleep training, you know, is the same thing. And where I got my opinions from was either a friend, a family member, or somebody who was mentoring me.

[00:15:33] Diane Matthews: It was people I knew. It wasn't somebody online that I really didn't know personally. Mm. So that's a real difference too between '90s and the '90s mom and the now mom. Um, but you know, just what the scripture says, to teach younger, older women to teach younger women to be at home and busy at the home, busy and at home, you know?

[00:15:59] Diane Matthews: And, [00:16:00] and busy at home is just having your heart at home and, and not online. Having, being busy at home. Mm-hmm. And listen to your pediatrician. Your pediatrician- Yeah ... knows a lot.

[00:16:11] Leslie Corbell: I remember thinking when Madeline, when my children were little, both of them, was like, "Well, breast milk has all the nutrition that they need-"

[00:16:18] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm

[00:16:19] Leslie Corbell: for, for until they're a year old.

[00:16:20] Diane Matthews: Yeah.

[00:16:20] Leslie Corbell: And so I really did- That was their, that was pretty much all they had. I'm, don't recall supplementing with a lot before then- You didn't ... 'cause I kept thinking, "Well, if God designed this to be the perfect nutrition for them, that's what they need." Yeah. And so that was a decis- a decision that I made at that time.

[00:16:37] Leslie Corbell: Yeah. And, and I know that was stressful, uh, for Madeline, 'cause she would see things that said, "Well, if you don't do this, he won't be able to chew later. You have to..." And, and I assure you that my children- Your jaw won't develop correctly ... that's, they, they- Well, that's

[00:16:52] Diane Matthews: not true ...

[00:16:52] Leslie Corbell: they, they developed correctly.

[00:16:53] Leslie Corbell: They weren't picky eaters. They chewed food. So yes, you can, um, you can- Well- ... oh, parent out of [00:17:00] fear-

[00:17:00] Diane Matthews: Yeah ...

[00:17:00] Leslie Corbell: or parent knowing that-

[00:17:03] Diane Matthews: Well, yeah, this is kinda going with the food thing. This is kinda funny. With Benny, uh, our grandson, he's eight months now, but he would, they would just every now and then just try to see if he would eat something, and he would just, like, quiver and shake and gag.

[00:17:18] Diane Matthews: You know, he just didn't wanna have anything to do with it. Well, then his two bottom teeth came up. Now he wants to eat everything. Yeah. You know? And so that's where it just came naturally. Well, he had, God gave him his teeth. Mm-hmm. Well, now he's ready to eat. Yes. You know? Yeah. So it's just, you know, sitting back and just kinda waiting for it.

[00:17:34] Diane Matthews: Just if it's not happening, wait a couple of weeks, or just, you know. So. And I think

[00:17:39] Leslie Corbell: sometimes, uh, you know, just to kinda keep in our minds, that brings to this idea, God is the creator.

[00:17:44] Diane Matthews: Yeah.

[00:17:45] Leslie Corbell: When we struggle or, and try to be the creator- ... I'm gonna create my child, I'm gonna influence the outcome, I'm gonna do these things and create this-

[00:17:54] Diane Matthews: Yeah

[00:17:54] Leslie Corbell: child that does all n- all the things they're supposed to do, it bec- we [00:18:00] start shifting a little too heavily and taking on the role of the creator.

[00:18:03] Diane Matthews: Yeah, yeah, and then we get stressed. Yes, and we get stressed. 'Cause it doesn't work. Because

[00:18:06] Leslie Corbell: we're not meant to do that. We're not meant to do that.

[00:18:09] Diane Matthews: That's right.

[00:18:10] Diane Matthews: And then when, you know, I did write this down, and I was thinking, you know, when you look for answers, you, like that, you look, and look, and look, and you want answers, you wind up finding anxiety instead of the answers. Right. You know? So just kind of, you know, we didn't, we didn't have that. We didn't have to deal with that- Mm-hmm

[00:18:28] Diane Matthews: part of, uh, parenting

[00:18:38] Leslie Corbell: So kind of to close this whole idea of social media and cell phones, you know, there's, there's another piece of it. And as a grandmommy, I have learned that, that there's a choice and a decision that has to be made. I mean, 'cause in some ways you can think about the fear of missing out. Mm. What am I missing out on?

[00:18:59] Leslie Corbell: Mm. Am I [00:19:00] missing out on friends doing something? Am I missing out on information that I might need to have? You know, what's driving this desire? 'Cause I know as a grandmommy, there are times I set my phone down because I want to be in that moment with Samuel. Mm-hmm. 'Cause it's so precious, and it's something that I treasured several decades ago and is now coming back to me again, where I can...

[00:19:27] Leslie Corbell: I, I know the value- That's right ... and joy that's in those minutes. And so it's easy for me to set my phone down because I know what I would be missing out on.

[00:19:36] Diane Matthews: Uh-huh.

[00:19:37] Leslie Corbell: And, and I have... I would have a fear of missing out on that- Yeah ... rather than all the other things. Mm-hmm. So I do encourage moms, if that's something you struggle with, the phone, I mean, to set it down.

[00:19:50] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:19:50] Leslie Corbell: And to find a way, a place for it to go. If, if needed, if that's what you need for it to not be at your side, find a place for it to go because [00:20:00] you don't wanna miss out on these times with your kids. That's right, 'cause it goes fast. Mm-hmm. And

[00:20:05] Diane Matthews: that, you know, I think about, uh, just being a grandparent.

[00:20:09] Diane Matthews: People would talk about being a grandparent, I'd like, "Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm." And then you become a grandparent, it's like, it really does, it gives you a second chance to be present and be with that child that your child had. You know? Mm. That you maybe didn't fully engage when you were, um, you know, a parent with your child.

[00:20:33] Diane Matthews: Which even if you did, it's, it's just- Yeah ... it's extra sweet. But it's kinda like what you're talking about right there. You know what you're missing out if you go to a phone or you go to something else that's not as precious as being with that child. So- Yeah, there's

[00:20:50] Leslie Corbell: nothing

[00:20:50] Diane Matthews: on that phone- ... that's a good word

[00:20:51] Diane Matthews: compares. So I wanna, I wanna read a verse that you had pulled out about, about

[00:20:58] Leslie Corbell: this. And that's-

[00:20:59] Diane Matthews: And [00:21:00] this is a kinda heavy verse. I mean, it- It is ... it is kinda heavy.

[00:21:02] Leslie Corbell: It is. Um, First John 2:15 through 16. "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

[00:21:13] Leslie Corbell: For all that is in the world, the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world." So we can think about, you know, what is it that we're seeking? What is it that we're desiring?

[00:21:27] Diane Matthews: Or craving, yeah. And John spells it out, uh, you know, what we should not be looking for, you know, the desires of the flesh, which is, you know, the cravings and the lusts.

[00:21:38] Diane Matthews: That's just bodily pleasures like gluttony, drunkenness, even comfort or sexual immorality, laziness, overindulgence. I mean, that can hit me in the face, just comfort and laziness. I'm all over that nap- Mm-hmm ... on that sofa, you know? And that's, you know, lust, desires of the flesh or [00:22:00] lust of the eyes. Uh, covet- covetous...

[00:22:04] Diane Matthews: Help me on that one. Covetousness? That's a tough one. Um, and craving to acquire possessions like material wealth or physical objects. Hello. Mm-hmm. We're America, USA. We want stuff, you know? And then the boastful pride of life, you know, just, uh, being boastful about your accomplishments or, um, possessions. Or I thought of this one, um, your accomplishments of your children or your grandchildren.

[00:22:34] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm. You know. Mm-hmm. That's the being boastful about the pride of life. So just to not seek those things. Mm-hmm. That's what he's saying also. So that's another added conviction-

[00:22:46] Leslie Corbell: Yeah,

[00:22:46] Diane Matthews: yeah ... for us today.

[00:22:48] Leslie Corbell: It, it is very convicting 'cause I can think about, you know, so what do I say yes to and what do I say no to?

[00:22:53] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:22:54] Leslie Corbell: And can I say no to things? How can I weigh and bal- balance and measure [00:23:00] the things that really deserve my yes to

[00:23:02] Diane Matthews: things? Well, and you know what? It's to be at home.

[00:23:05] Leslie Corbell: Mm-hmm.

[00:23:06] Diane Matthews: And to be busy at home and give your life to your family, well, first to God, but to your family and your children, your husband, you know, that protect- that's a protection.

[00:23:18] Diane Matthews: When you're at home, then you can practice not only enjoying your home and making your home beautiful for your family, but also hospitality. Oh, yeah. Opening up your home for your neighbors or whoever God puts on your heart. So yeah, there's a lot there.

[00:23:37] Leslie Corbell: I do think there's one other distraction that I didn't experience as a '90s mom, and I don't know if, if you did, but when I think about social events, social engagements, opportunities to spend times with friends.

[00:23:52] Leslie Corbell: Mm. Opport- girls' night outs. Mm. Book clubs And I'm not saying that any of these are bad.

[00:23:58] Diane Matthews: No.

[00:23:59] Leslie Corbell: [00:24:00] But I would encourage... And that really wasn't a big part of my family life when my children were very young. No, our kids were- I mean, I was,

[00:24:09] Diane Matthews: our, my kids- Was our social life. They

[00:24:12] Leslie Corbell: needed, they were our social- Yeah

[00:24:13] Leslie Corbell: they needed to be in bed at a certain time. I was, I, I needed to be there to help them get in bed. It really wasn't an outlet that I sought- Mm-hmm ... when my children were young. And so I, I, I would like to encourage moms to think about that whole idea of what to say yes to and what to say no to- Mm ... when you're weighing the balance of where are your priorities, what will truly bless you in the long run of- Mm

[00:24:38] Leslie Corbell: and when you're older looking back- Mm ... how will you see that time, maybe with different eyes?

[00:24:43] Diane Matthews: I think that's a- Um- ... great question, and a good, um, you know, scale reminder, thermometer, or you know, or just evaluation. Where's my heart?

[00:24:53] Leslie Corbell: Mm-hmm.

[00:24:54] Diane Matthews: You know? Is it, uh, you know, being social with [00:25:00] friends and even just acquaintances or going out all the time, or just at home?

[00:25:05] Diane Matthews: Is my heart at home- Mm-hmm ... where that's what we're encouraged- Mm ... to be, you know?

[00:25:12] Leslie Corbell: And I think about time spent in Christian fellowship, and we'll talk about that later as well, but time spent in fellowship with other women, is it centered around God? And how much deeper and richer those friendships and learning and growing can be for ourselves when it-

[00:25:29] Diane Matthews: Yeah

[00:25:29] Leslie Corbell: when it, when it does appear

[00:25:31] Diane Matthews: in that way. See, when I was growing up, um, my parents, our family was very involved in the country club, you know, that was close by our house, and so we were out of the home a lot. But when my kids were younger, Hank and I, our, our, our country club was the church.

[00:25:46] Leslie Corbell: Mm-hmm.

[00:25:47] Diane Matthews: And you know, we had church and our social event was community group, was a- Mm-hmm

[00:25:52] Diane Matthews: home Bible study. I mean, that's where we lived our social- Yeah ... life, you know? So it, it was so [00:26:00] different, and it, it almost seems like it's reverting back to, or some observations I've made, it's revert- reverting back to the social, um, push is back out away from the home to maybe country clubs or bars or restaurants- Mm-hmm

[00:26:20] Diane Matthews: but away from the home. And I think the call is for these, for us older women to bring these younger womans back home. Mm-hmm. Ask them, invite them in the name of, you know, God's word to come back home.

[00:26:32] Leslie Corbell: Yeah.

[00:26:33] Diane Matthews: You know?

[00:26:35] Leslie Corbell: And as we talk about all this, I mean, of course, we didn't have technologies, social media, but we had other things.

[00:26:41] Leslie Corbell: Human nature is human nature. We had other things- Yeah ... that were trying to distract us, steal our attention, steal our- Oh ... affections of our heart. And I think that's, that's why this verse is included.

[00:26:52] Diane Matthews: Yeah.

[00:26:52] Leslie Corbell: God knew that this would be the case, whether it was the '90s, the '20s, the 1790s, the- The '30s. [00:27:00]

[00:27:00] Diane Matthews: 1920s.

[00:27:00] Diane Matthews: The '

[00:27:00] Leslie Corbell: 50s. Yeah, it do, it, this is- Amen ... this is human nature. It is. And there will always be things that distract us from the home, distract us from the family, distract us from God.

[00:27:10] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:27:11] Leslie Corbell: And see, and ask us to worship them instead.

[00:27:14] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:27:15] Leslie Corbell: We can always come back.

[00:27:17] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:27:18] Leslie Corbell: Where, to the question is where is the affection of my heart?

[00:27:20] Leslie Corbell: That's right. Is my heart at home, and my heart affection- Mm-hmm ... is directed towards God. So, you know, if, and so Diane, I was thinking about this, if social media says that the '90s mom is the standard to attain, of course I am honored to be- To be recognized as one.

[00:27:37] Diane Matthews: Ha.

[00:27:37] Leslie Corbell: But let's not over-romanticize- Mm-hmm ... the '90s mom.

[00:27:42] Leslie Corbell: Over the millennia, when you look at the things that never change, some things never change. And the things that matter, no matter the decade you found yourself parenting in- That's right ... keep these right and good things at the center of it. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, [00:28:00] and strength.

[00:28:00] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:28:01] Leslie Corbell: Get to know your child, observe them, interact with them, play with them, let them help you.

[00:28:07] Diane Matthews: Hmm.

[00:28:08] Leslie Corbell: Pray for your children. Study God's word. Be in the word daily.

[00:28:15] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:28:17] Leslie Corbell: Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. Mm-hmm. I know that that has been a tremendous... Well, God has grown me by me growing in Christ.

[00:28:28] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:28:30] Leslie Corbell: So my motherhood grew as I grew in Christ. Be in church and in Christian fellowship. So really just let, let your faith be not in what you can learn about parenting, but on God and his word.

[00:28:48] Diane Matthews: Hmm. Amen. Those are wonderful reminders, Leslie. We appreciate it, and we have so much more to talk about when it comes to, um, what is the [00:29:00] home.

[00:29:00] Diane Matthews: And what is, h- i- if we don't really understand what the home is, how can we really be busy at home? So we are going to do another episode on what is the home, and what is being busy at the home really means. And so that's gonna be exciting, and it's gonna be all based on our Titus 2:4-5, like we've already read.

[00:29:24] Diane Matthews: So, um, stay tuned, and we're also gonna include some hacks on decluttering, organizing, and cleaning.

[00:29:39] Leslie Corbell: So regardless of how your parenting looks, God oversees it all to His good plan and glory. So we would just like to encourage you, you know, as a parent, step back. You have been given a gift, so slow down. Just like you are unwrapping a beautiful gift and untying that beautiful ribbon and treasuring the beautiful paper and saving [00:30:00] it, savor it.

[00:30:02] Leslie Corbell: Savor the blessing that you have been given. Honor God, honor the giver. Slow down in that moment. Mm. Great words, Leslie. Thank you so

[00:30:11] Diane Matthews: much. Uh, let's pray. Bring our hearts back home, Lord. We wanna be the parents and families that reflect Your love in our neighborhoods and in our cities. Teach us and change us to be more like Jesus Christ, and it's in His name that we pray.

[00:30:28] Diane Matthews: Amen.

[00:30:29] Leslie Corbell: Thanks for listening. Check out our Instagram at themindofachildpod, or you can email us at themindofachildpodcast@gmail.com

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