Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Aaron Shamp discusses how the gospel shapes how families operate in this sermon. He emphasizes the importance of honoring and obeying parents as children and instructs parents to discipline and teach their children in love and gentleness. Shamp provides practical applications for adult children and parents, including caring for aging parents, treating them with respect, building a life that honors them, being grateful for the good things received, and forgiving them for their mistakes. He also highlights the need for consistency in discipline and the importance of disciplining before getting angry.
Takeaways
Takeaways
- The gospel should shape the way families operate.
- Children honor God by obeying and honoring their parents.
- Parents honor God by disciplining and teaching their children in love and gentleness.
- Practical applications for adult children include caring for aging parents, treating them with respect, building a life that gives them honor, being grateful for the good things received, and forgiving them for their mistakes.
- Practical applications for parents include disciplining before getting angry, not tolerating intolerable behavior, being consistent in discipline, and raising children to serve Christ.
Creators & Guests
What is Redeemer City Church - Lafayette, LA?
Pastor Aaron Shamp preaches about the Gospel and facets of Christianity at Redeemer City Church. These podcasts are his sermons.
Aaron Shamp (00:00)
In Ephesians chapter six in verse one, Paul writes,
You know, years ago, if we would have been doing this series years ago, like at the start of Redeemer, or even, let's just say maybe six years ago or so, it would have felt really silly to preach on this passage here about parenting, about children and parents and our responsibility to them, because we had like one kid in the whole church and no parents. But now, praise God, that's not the case anymore. We've got a lot of parents, we've got a lot
kids, more kids coming every week or so.
Sorry for me to keep track, but you know, but I love it. love it. is exciting. love whenever Alex Raya was here earlier this year, he said, you know, a very exactly how he put it. But, you know, he mentioned there's a lot of kids here, little kids, babies, big kids, they make noise, they cause chaos. And he says, but he says along the lines of like a loud church is a living church. Right. And so just what a wonderful blessing it is that we now have so many families here and so many
you guys who are looking forward to starting a family. Maybe you're still in those basic steps of finding a girl to go on a date with, but that's something, right? You got to start somewhere. But some of you guys are married and you're looking forward to having children. You're expecting your first kids. Maybe we have a few people in here who are a little bit more experienced in parenting. No, not today. We got some more people here today who are a little bit more experienced,
All
So I'm really excited to get to talk about this passage today and I want to make it really practical. You know, there's so many different rabbit trails we could follow with this passage and and if I'd be happy to follow one of those rabbit trails with you later, I can't do that during the sermon because we have so much time, right? But but yeah, so I'm really excited about this passage. It's good. I think it's a great time in the life of our church to talk about it because no matter where you are, this is going to be really relevant to you, whether you're a parent
or you're looking forward to being one. Also, it's relevant to you because Paul talks to children and we all, no matter what age you are, are still someone's child. And so there are some relevant teachings to us, even those of us who are adults, right? So the big question that I want us to start with after my little meandering introduction there.
The main question I want to start with is this, how does the gospel shape the way that our families operate? How does the gospel shape the way that our families operate? By virtue of being Christians, should our families actually look different than the world around us? Does our being disciples of Jesus Christ actually make our lives and our households and our families substantially any different than our non -Christian neighbor next to us? Or is our lifestyle, our
our choices basically the same except we have, you know, like a private spirituality. I believe that what the point of Ephesians is, is that Paul in the first half of the book gives us this sweeping grand explanation of the gospel, of what God has done in Jesus Christ and how God through Jesus's work has established his kingdom or we can say his household in the cosmos, right, in the world. And he brought
all these different people, Jews and Gentiles, in the gospel and he made them a family. Like we are, if you are Christian, we are family members in God's household. That's what Paul shows us in this really big wonderful picture. But then he starts to apply that to our everyday lives. You see, because God's ordering of his family has great implications and shapes the way that we order our families and the way that we order our households. It gives
a standard. It gives us wisdom that we write the blueprint of our families according to. And so, how does the gospel shape the way that our families operate? In this passage in verses one through four, Paul gives some instructions to children, which like I said, no matter our age, applies to all of us somewhat. And then he gives instructions to parents. And so, we're going to look at each one of those, starting with the children and then looking at the parents.
So let's begin with his instructions to children. It's very clear his point here or my point based off what Paul says is that children honor God by obeying and honoring their parents. Children honor God by obeying and honoring their parents. I think it's pretty interesting that Paul addresses the children in his letter. Paul.
assumes that there are children present in that church and isn't that a wonderful thing, right? This is why at Redeemer we try to involve our children as much as we can in what the parents are doing, which would be the first part of our worship service because we believe that children should be in church and that we also believe that once they reach a certain age where they can sit still and they can listen and get something out of this sermon that they ought to be present in the room.
Redeemer will never have a separate youth service or something along those lines that teenagers stay in all the way until they graduate high school or even college in some circumstances before they are in with the rest of the corporate body. Paul assumes that there are children present while this letter is being read. That's pretty incredible, right?
So he addresses the children and he tells them two things. He tells them first he says obey your parents obey your parents and the Lord because this is right. That's the first thing. And the second one is a reference to one of the Ten Commandments whenever he says honor your father and mother.
This is the first commandment with a promise and so on. Now, why does he say in one phrase, obey, and then in an honor in another phrase? Well, because Paul is drawing from and quoting multiple Old Testament passages here. He's not just quoting from Exodus chapter 20, which is the first place that we find the 10 Commandments. Paul is actually quoting from a couple of different places and he's meshing them all together in one paraphrase quote. Paul does this quite often.
that would have been very normal for Jewish teachers trained in the law, trained in the Old Testament, this would have been very typical for them to do. That's how Paul was trained. That's how he's teaching here by taking a couple of phrases from across the Old Testament and putting them together to give what is the total teaching from those places, which is that children ought to obey their parents.
We recognize that what makes the difference between a child and adult is different across cultures. It's different across time. Even in one culture, those lines of when children pass from childhood to adolescence to adulthood, even over time in the same culture, those lines can kind of shift and change and maybe the transition becomes a little bit longer. However, we recognize that there is universally
a stage where children are considered to be children, right, not adults yet and under the authority of their parents and that it is right for children to obey their parents since they are not adults yet and under their authority. Once again, the details of this might vary from culture to culture, yet it's something that all people recognize, which is why Paul says, children obey your parents and the Lord. He says, for this is right. He's making an appeal there just to moral ethics, right?
makes an appeal to the law, which is what he does next by quoting the Ten Commandments, but first he just says based on morality, he says this is right. But then in the Ten Commandments and the way he quotes, he changed the phrase from obey to honor. Okay, now why is that? Because even if it is right for children to obey their parents, which is right, ought to be the norm.
Should children ever disobey their parents? This is one of those rabbit trails we could have run down. The answer is that children ought to obey their parents as the norm and with very rare exception, disobey. We could chase that rabbit trail later if you want to ask me. But even with good parenting, even with the best of parents, you stop obeying at some point because you have to grow up. Exactly when this happens, once again, is different.
according to cultural customs, right? In some cultures, even cultures that still exist to this day, adults are expected to, maybe not.
outright obey, but very heavily follow the advice of their still living parents, right? I remember talking to the guy who's the owner of the Athena's restaurant, an ambassador, you know, and this man, this was only a couple years ago, this man is at least in his 50s. And he was saying that, you know, his mother still lives back in...
in Lebanon, I think is where he's from. And his mother still lives back there. And he says that he does not go against her word. Like he says, where I'm from, even as an adult now, that is something that you do not do. Okay, so once again, this can vary from culture to culture, but there's still this understanding that at a certain point, a child becomes an adult.
And that child has to grow up. They have to start making decisions for themselves. They have to start living as a mature and responsible person who doesn't need the constant direction of their parents. So this is the, what we can say is probably the reason for the difference in phrases from obey at first to honor in another. No matter how old you are, no matter how wonderful your parents were at a certain point, you stop obeying.
It doesn't mean you quit listening. It doesn't mean that you quit asking for help, asking for direction and advice. But it does mean that that line from obedience to something else changes at a certain point. And what that changes to, it changes from obedience to honoring. Obedience to honoring. This is why the Ten Commandments...
tell us to honor your father and mother and not directly obey. Like I said, Paul is pulling from multiple places in the Old Testament, but in the Ten Commandments it says obey.
Because that commandment, just like any of the other commandments, are not bound by time. Whenever we are given the commandment to honor your father or mother, there's no expiration date on that commandment. As though at a certain point or certain age, it passes away and you don't have to do that anymore. There becomes a point where you no longer have to obey because you're under their authority. Yet for all of us, even us grown up children in here, we still have to honor.
We still have to give respect. Notice that this command, like I said, it has no expiration date on it. This is something that we are to obey and follow for all of our lives. Also, it doesn't make excuses for how good or bad your parents were. You are still commanded to honor them.
A lot of us maybe think, because some of you grew up with wonderful parents, it is natural and it is easy for you to honor them, to admire them, to respect them and so on. Some of you didn't grow up with the most wonderful parents and so you are questioning, how am I supposed to do that?
That doesn't it's not natural. It's not easy for me to do that. But I want to obey the Lord. So how do I do that. Let me give you five really practical applications of how we are called to honor our parents whether you had magnificent parents or awful parents or somewhere in between. All right. Five applications for them. The first one is this. Something that you should obviously do is care for them as they age and they need help.
It is tragic that many, in many cases today in our culture, whenever a parent or an elderly person is no longer able to care for themselves, they are just immediately thrown into a retirement home. Now, in certain cases, that becomes the right decision. The level of care that is required is something that even...
Devoted children cannot provide and so they need that higher level of medical care and need and so on. So I'm not saying that in all cases. Right. But I do think that there is maybe a little too much quickness in certain times to as long as a elderly person is not ready to no longer able to be independent. They're immediately thrown into a retirement home. Children are throwing off their
responsibility the obligation to honor their father and mother by providing them the care that they need. This can happen once again in so many different ways. And for many people you know this kind of starts to happen in stages as you get older your parents start to need a little bit more and more and more help as as you get older and as they get older. But if we're seeking to honor that commandment to honor our father and mother even as grown up children one of the first and most obvious ways that we do that and there's
even
examples from scripture that we could go to but I'm not going to right now. It does say that one of ways we do that is that we care for them as they age. We help them as that relationship changes from being one where we kind of lean on them for help and then over time it starts to happen that they start to lean on us a little bit more for help. And so that means that we fulfill those obligations. OK. So we care for them as they age and they need help. Secondly this one's obvious to honor our father and mother means
treat them with respect. Treat them with respect. Once again, doesn't matter how good or how bad your parents were, we must treat them with respect. Now treating them with respect, once again, does not mean obedience.
It does not mean obedience to them. It might mean going against what they desire. It might mean letting down some of their expectations for your life because you were following what the Lord desires or what is best for your family. Respecting them does not mean seeking their approval.
And I want to make this really clear because I think there are lot of people, especially people in our culture, and by our culture I mean like our local culture, Cajun culture, right? I think there are a lot of little grown up Cajun boys and girls that still desperately need their parents' approval. I've seen it in ministry a lot and I've seen it in our church. I've seen it. It's a big part. It's a big thing here in Acadiana.
Respecting them does not mean going out of your way to continue to obey, going against what is best for you, for your family, crossing boundaries that should be placed there between your family and your parents, Going across those boundaries in order to continue to gain their approval. On the other hand, this means that do not be manipulated by any
by any older parents who are still trying to exert an outsized influence on your life, do not be manipulated by anyone into thinking that honoring them and respecting them means continuing to do things to seek their approval, even if they are not what is best for you, your family, or what the Lord is leading you to do. But it still means that to the best of our abilities, we continue to respect them.
even if we have to respectfully go against their wishes at times. We still treat them with respect. A third point, so five applications, third one. Build a life and reputation that gives them honor.
Maybe for some of you, your parents are no longer here, or maybe one of your parents is no longer here, and this is a way that you can continue to honor them, is by building a life, building a reputation that gives them honor.
You know, some of you guys, either because your parents have passed away, one of your parents have passed away, maybe because one of your parents is estranged or there's a lot of distance in that relationship, you might think that there is very little opportunity for you to obey this commandment because there's little or no relationship with that parent. But here is one way that you can honor them, whether they were a wonderful parent that is no longer around anymore or an awful parent, which is why there's a reason
for that distance between you and them. One way that you can honor them in a measure of great grace that they may not deserve, one way you can honor them is by living a life that others receive respect and it gives them honor. You guys know this, it is very possible for even whenever kids are little, for well -behaved children to give honor to their.
parents because people see those well -behaved children and it gives the parents, you know, respect. You can continue to do the same thing by building a name, building a life, building a reputation that gives them honor whether or not they deserve it. Fourth, be grateful to them for the good things that you received.
We all received good things from our parents, whether you are ready to admit it or not. We all received good things. We all received a mixed bag. There's good, there's bad. was good, there was mistakes. Maybe for some of you, the good far outweighed anything else. And so you can make a long list. For others, maybe it takes a little bit more thought for you to think, what is the good that I got from my chaotic
family or whatever else. But there is good. There is good there because God gives out his grace wonderfully. And so God pours out his grace on us even through weak and imperfect parents. So you need to recognize the good that you did receive from them, even if it was small things or if it was large things. You need to recognize the good that you got and be grateful for those things. Be grateful for them. The last application.
Forgive them for their mistakes and faults. This is one of the ways that we honor our parents, even as grown up children. Forgive them for their mistakes, forgive them for their faults. One day, if you're not a parent yet, one day you're gonna become a parent and you're really gonna hope that your children forgive you.
Because you know what? No matter how great and wonderful a parent you are, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you think you've got it all together whenever your parents didn't, you are going to make some dumb mistakes. You are going to let your temper get out of control before you know it. You are going to say things that you'll regret. You are going to miss opportunities that you wouldn't have missed. I'm telling you, no matter how hard you try,
and you are really gonna hope that your children can forgive you. Well, are you willing to do the same thing for your parents? Have you forgiven them for their mistakes that they made? Though they tried their best to be the parent you deserved, they failed in some ways. Maybe it was more than that and they were just, they were really bad in some ways. Even in those cases, have you forgiven them?
Are you willing to forgive them for those mistakes or faults? You must for several reasons. One, Christ calls us to forgive. He tells us that we cannot be forgiven if we are not willing to forgive others because our heart is continuing to hold on to hurts and baggage instead of holding on to Christ and laying all that down at His feet. If we lay all that down at His feet, let go of that baggage, then we will be empowered to forgive.
We're commanded to forgive by Christ. We must forgive in order to obey this commandment. You will not be able to honor your father or mother. You won't be able to treat them with respect, care for them as they need and so on if you are holding onto bitterness and if you are holding onto anger and unforgiveness over certain things from your childhood. Lastly, you must forgive for your own good.
If you do not forgive and you are continuing to live in bitterness, live in anger, carry baggage with you, then you are still allowing that parent to have some amount of control or influence over you. You are still under their trap. You are the same grown up hurt little child that you were back then. You haven't been able to move on because you have not forgiven.
Forgiveness is the first step to moving on. Hamios and here have met a broken grown -up child. They're not an adult yet. They're just a broken grown -up child because they are still holding on to all that baggage. They are still holding on to all that bitterness. If you want to grow into a mature adult at whatever age you are now, you have to forgive. All right, so let's look at his instructions to parents.
Our point here is that parents honor God by disciplining and teaching their children in love and in gentleness. They honor God by disciplining and teaching their children in love and gentleness. In verse four, Paul says, fathers, don't stir up anger in your children. All so this is the point about love and gentleness. That'll be, if you treat them with love and gentleness, that'll be the opposite of stirring up anger.
instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Paul's teaching to parents here is
is an interesting combination with his teaching to the children. His teaching to the children is heavy on obey the authority that God has placed over you, right? Respect that authority, obey that authority that has been placed over you as best you can, right? But then once he shifts and starts talking to the parents, he doesn't say, no, parents, you have to wield that authority. You got to use that authority. He turns to the parents and he says, now be gentle with that authority.
If his focus with the children was on the heaviness of obeying the authority, his focus and emphasis to the parents is the restraint of that authority. Here's why he speaks in such a way. Because during this time back in ancient Rome, which...
you might remember, he is writing to people who are living in the Roman Empire. These are the Ephesians. He's not writing to Jews. He's writing to Gentiles who are living under Roman law. So in this time in ancient Rome, fathers had absolute power over their households. Fathers were enabled by law to be little kings, little emperors over their home, over all the people who lived in their home, their wife, children, slaves, anyone else, they had absolute authority over them. Absolute
to the extent of they could execute one of their children if they wanted to. Okay? That's what I mean. Absolute authority.
over their household to reign in power and authority to do whatever they wanted in punishments and yes, even capital punishment within their home. They had absolute power, absolute control. They had liberty from the law to punish and control their families in any way that they wanted. But Paul is painting here a picture that stands in contrast to that. He's not painting a picture of a father of parents who are
as little tyrants over their home punishing and controlling and their household instead he paints a picture of a parent that is self -controlled that is a self -controlled gentle teacher that's the portrait that Paul paints here when he returns and he talks to the parents
And yes, he is talking to both parents, not just the fathers, mothers, he is talking to you as well. Notice that he says in verse six, sorry, verse one, he says, children obey your parents, both of them, father and mother. And then he turns and he talks to the fathers. Okay. We can assume he is talking to both.
It was just general custom to by addressing fathers and mothers to just say fathers, just as we read in other parts of the New Testament, it'll say it'll address brothers, right? Brothers do this or you must love the brothers, sisters in Christ is not leaving you out. All right. It's it's assuming brothers and sisters. It's assuming fathers and mothers. OK, that's just the way that they communicated. So he is talking to both here as the text makes clear that
have to obey both of their parents and so it is fathers and mothers. In other translations, in the translation that I read it says don't stir up anger in your children leading them to be as I described before the kind of grown -up broken children
who never really became fully mature adults, right, because they were they had that anger stirred up in them that that resided in their heart. And other translations that says do not exasperate your children. OK, but it's talking about the same kind of thing. Some of you guys have experienced this in yourself, in your own life. You have recognized immaturities. You have recognized areas of incompetency that you know you should have had but didn't get because of
failures in parenting when you were a child. You recognize that you were exasperated in some ways, but we don't want to do that to our children. All right, so how do we avoid exasperating our children or stirring up anger in them? There's two ways to exasperate your children. The first and most obvious one is with excessively severe discipline. With excessively severe discipline,
manipulation or control that breaks the spirit of that child. Right. This will first of all be the most obvious one. know centuries and centuries before, before pediatric psychology became a thing, the New Testament recognized that you can break a child's soul, that you can break a child's character, stunt.
their development if you do not raise them in a loving and stable home. Paul says, do not stir up anger in them. The first way you can do that is by doing it with excessively severe discipline.
The second way that you can do that is by going to the opposite extreme, which would be under discipline. So we all can develop a really easy picture of what excessively severe discipline looks like in our minds, whether it be from experience or just your imagination. But on the other hand, there is under discipline, where a child is broken, is not raised into a mature adult because they were under disciplined. Now, whenever we think of under discipline, we think of
stereotypical example of just a wild out -of -control child. That is usually an example of under discipline. It can also be a situation where there is a lack of structure because under disciplining can also be inconsistent discipline. Discipline that is inconsistent will raise a broken and immature child.
Your disciplining of your children, as I'll talk a little bit more here in a second, must be consistent, right? Consistency is not the same thing as severity.
Children who do not understand the boundaries, who do not understand the rules and believe that those structures, boundaries and rules will be held to, will be out of control. What you often see happening, you've all witnessed this, is the parent who seems to be underdisciplining, the parent who appears to be laid back until they reach that breaking point and explode. You see, so inconsistency is an example of underdisciplining that leads to
an exasperated child. Inconsistent discipline, spoiling, giving in to their fits whenever they throw their temper tantrums. Parents, you guys know you got to hold the line in those situations. You got to hold the line, especially then you do not give in. You are teaching them this is how you behave to get what you want. Obviously, you do not give in. These are all examples of underdisciplining.
So either way, whether it is excessively severe discipline or under discipline, these are ways that we move. I'm sorry that we can raise children who have anger stirred up in them, who are exasperated or who are stunted in their maturity. are grown up, broken children, not full adults. OK. So he says, don't exasperate them. That's the negative. But then he also gives a positive. He gives a negative exhortation.
Don't stir up anger or don't exasperate. The positive exhortation he gives them has two parts. He says, rather instead bring them up in the training.
and instruction of the Lord. Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. That's talking about two things and in other translations they translate those words a little differently. In our translation here where it says bring them up in the training and other translation says discipline. So this is addressing that kind of negative discipline that I was referring to earlier. Whenever children are misbehaving, disobeying, and generally engaging
in any kind of chaotic, antisocial behavior as all children do. Newer parents do not be embarrassed. Maybe your kids do that. They all do that. This is why God gives them parents. They all start out as chaotic little sociopaths. And we have to guide them in the right direction. So there's discipline. So Paul is saying, do not exasperate them by not disciplining.
Even though this translation says training, that is what the word means that he's using there. Training and instruction of the Lord or teaching of the Lord.
This means that children need both the negative training of discipline as well as the positive training of teaching and of instruction. They need to be taught what to believe, what to value, what to obey, as well as what ought to be rejected, what ought to be avoided, and so on. We must reject the foolishness that many modern people live in, which is that it is not the parent's job to teach them
what to think, but to teach them how to think. That's ridiculous. It's not how it works. They need to know what to think first, right? That's how a child develops. Later, down the road, you learn how to think well, but not at the start. They don't know what to think. So why teach them how? It's backwards, okay? They need to be taught what to think. They need to be taught what to love.
what to affirm, what to value. There's also the accompanying foolishment that many people operate under today, that it is not just that we don't teach them what to think, but we are also not to really guide them or teach them in any one direction or another, but that we are just to allow them to explore and experiment and find out what works for them, what is true for them, what they want to love and value and what they don't want, you know, to really express their own character.
No, Christian parenting teaches them this is what we believe, this is what we love, this is what we value, this is what God has called us to, not just raising up children who, you know, healthily make it through high school and college, but to raise up children who know the right truths and hold them and who love the right things.
Probably my favorite book from C .S. Lewis, I've read it several times, In the Abolition of Man, this is exactly the kind of issue that Lewis is addressing here. He's addressing this assumption that existed back in the 40s. Did you write that book in the 40s or 50s? 40s, mid -century, and that still is prevalent today, that we are to give a valueless education and instruction of our children. He says,
leads to is in that famous quote, men without chests, empty, hollow people who are unable to or who are paralyzed between choices of right and wrong and of knowing what to value and of knowing what to believe because they never had that inculcated in them through their parents and so on.
So children need not just the discipline but they also need the training. I'm sorry and the instruction of the Lord the instruction of the Lord Paul says. Let me give you a couple of practical applications before we close on parenting. I want it today to be really practical. So we have some applications on what it means to be adult children and honoring our parents. I want to leave you with some practical applications for parenting. I am not.
the foremost parenting expert. I've only been doing it for seven years, but nevertheless, I want to try to share a little bit of wisdom, right? The first one is this.
What this passage shows us and what scripture universally agrees on is that your primary job as a Christian parent is to disciple your child into a life of serving Christ.
Your primary job as a parent is to disciple your child into a life of serving Christ. Now, fellow parents in here, you know that your job of being mom or dad has a ton of responsibilities. Not just a ton of responsibility, like it's heavy, it's a big thing, but responsibilities, little things, tons of things that you have to do for your children, that you have to accomplish for your children, that you have to help them accomplish for themselves.
you know, just getting their daily meals set and getting them to school and getting them to sports. There's so many different things that we have to do for our children. There's so much demands in parenthood that it can become really easy to get distracted by all of the mundane things that we have to do and lose the big picture. Forget that more than getting them into the right college,
more than getting them into the right career, more than making sure that they are popular and fit in, more than how they excel in sports, more than anything else. Our goal, what we should focus on.
What should determine how we make all of those other decisions are that we are leading them, that we are discipling them into a life of serving Christ. This is far, far more important than guiding them on their career path, helping them to achieve a certain level of excellence in sports, in creative endeavors, or in anything else. This is what we are called to do as parents. Now, that being said,
There's a lot of different ways that can be lived out in your individual families.
Some of those choices and some of those things that we do are going to look a little bit differently household to household. And that's OK. There is liberty in some of the details of the way that we make those choices. But where there is no liberty, friends, and we have a command is that we are discipling our children in the Lord. That's what's important. So above and beyond all decisions of what sports to put them in, if we're going to put them in dancing or drama, if we're going to put them in public or private school,
if we are going to go on this kind of vacation, that kind of vacation, take them on a mission trip, anything else. What's most important is that above all, we are following that picture of raising disciples who follow Christ. That is our primary job. Secondly, do not discipline your children in anger.
This is really practical, something that should be common sense but often isn't lived out well. Do not discipline your children in your anger. Those of us in here with older children, we understand this is something that we face on a daily basis. Maybe those of you guys here whose children are still infants, toddlers, and so on, and so this hasn't quite come into the picture a lot yet, just wait until they can talk. It's really cute when a child starts to talk.
But you realize that as soon as they learn how to talk, they know how to talk back. That's what I learned. It was really exciting whenever Nora began talking. Like, this is so cute. We can communicate with her now. And now she can say no.
You know, now she can talk back. Now she can be sassy and so on. And so maybe for some of you guys at this point, you're going to need later. And so just put this in your pocket and keep for when you need it down the road. Okay, same with you guys who haven't had kids yet. Put this in your pocket, save it for down the road. It's going to be really helpful. You need to discipline your children before you get angry. Discipline before you get angry.
If you are already to the point of having lost self -control, it is too late. The moment for discipline has passed. You need to calm down.
You need to calm down, your kids need to calm down. Often, it's usually not a calm disobedient child and a raging parent. It's usually both, At least in my house, it's usually both. Everyone needs to calm down before discipline can happen. Any attempt at discipline in that moment is just going to be more tumultuous emotions flying around in the house that's not productive at all.
So discipline before you get angry, guys. Parents, you're gonna have to learn how to catch yourself before you get to that point. Discipline before you get angry is gonna make your discipline a lot more effective. You're gonna be self -controlled. You're gonna be able to use the tone that you need to use. You're going to be able to think wisely and more clearly about the words that you need to use, the choices you need to put before them, the appropriate consequences.
anger to take over and lose self -control, all those things go out the window. All right? So you have to discipline before you get angry. Whenever you see a situation happening in your house and you can feel the temperature is heading in a certain direction, you got to step in. Step in. Parents be proactive. So discipline before you get angry. Along with this, these are sub points of not disciplining and anger. So discipline before you get angry. Secondly,
Remember that what is tolerated in your house becomes what is expected.
And I say this because I think that oftentimes I recognize this in my own parenting and it's something I've seen in others before. Go back to that example of the person whose child is out of control and they don't want to be that overly strict severe parent. So they're just you know allowing those things who you know even though it might not be the best of behavior maybe they're talking back a little too much maybe they're being disobedient making it maybe they're making a scene in public that supposedly lenient
that supposedly laid -back parent just puts up with it to a certain point where boiling has hit and then they lose self -control and they go crazy on their child, right? They don't discipline them appropriately. Guys, was it the child's fault or the parent's fault? It was the parent's fault. They tolerated intolerable behavior in a foolish attempt to try to be lenient.
or laid back with their child, not overly severe. Guys, what you tolerate will become what is expected. If your children are exhibiting behavior that is intolerable, but you think to yourself, not crossing the line and needing discipline, but it's a little annoying or it's a little bit inappropriate behavior for being in public. So we just tolerate those little things. Guys, what becomes tolerated will become what is expected.
And so that's why it always leads to that point because children, as they will do, will continue to escalate and to push. It will get to that point to where your pride is hurt and so you explode on them or your patience has worn out. And so you then you are severe with them. Right. So remember that what is tolerated becomes what it expected. The third subpoint here, be consistent in your discipline. This is so important.
Be consistent in your discipline. If you have told your children this is unacceptable behavior, do not accept it sometimes and then punish it other times. That is not what they need. They need consistency. They need to know that what you have said about this is appropriate and this is inappropriate. This is how we behave. We do not behave this way. This is where the boundary lines are.
Once you have placed those boundary lines and you have taught them what is right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate, you hold those lines, parents. You hold those lines. And you do not let your child cross them. This is not about being overly strict. It's about consistency. Being overly strict is placing those boundary lines way too tight. But placing them where they ought to be.
on the line between appropriate and inappropriate and then holding that boundary, that's not overly strictness. That's not severity. That's good parenting.
consistency, just like consistency and leadership is so important. How much confidence would you have in this church if every other week I was saying something different about what our vision is or what kind of church we want to be like, what direction we're going in, what we believe about the Bible. If I was constantly flip -flopping and changing and being inconsistent even in my leadership, no one in here would have confidence in me. It's the same thing with our children. Be consistent.
Hold the lines. Lastly, our very last point for today. I want you to see the pattern before we close. If you were here last week, we looked at.
God's design for marriage and the roles of the husband and wife and the relationship of the husband and wife and marriage and how he provided a structure for Christian marriage that once they live out that structure, then they are putting on a picture or a display of Jesus Christ and the church. Then we move in here to Paul teaching us how in a Christian home, there is a job for parents to do. It is not just
Don't let your children get on your nerves. It's not just raise your children according to your culture's standards. It is raise your children, instructing them, teaching them in the Lord. I want you to see the pattern. There's a purpose for marriage that God has. There's a purpose for parenting that God has. In other words, what does that mean for the way that we conceive what our homes are? Is our home
a recreation center or is it training grounds? Is our home just for leisure or does it have a purpose? Does it produce something? Paul lays before us here.
that a gospel shaped household is going to be a productive household that is glorifying God in its obeying the structures that God has placed, having a home that is shaped by the gospel. It is going to be glorifying God and it is going to be producing disciples.
This goes beyond just our nuclear families to how our households can be beacons of God's glory and a place where disciples are made, even if they are not people who are children. But our household becomes a place where people can see the gospel lived out and they can see the kingdom lived out. They can see God's household and how it is shaping our households. Do you see the pattern?
If you see the pattern, hold to it, remember it, and start to change your perspective of your household as being just a recreation center or leisure center to being one, seeing your household as a productive home, as a home that has a purpose, as a home that's a training grounds for the gospel, for the kingdom, making disciples. Let's pray.
So Father, we thank you that you are the ultimate parent, the ultimate father who leads us to yourself, not in your wrath, but in your loving kindness. Through your loving kindness, you produce repentance in us and you continue to discipline us and you teach us, you guide us, you transform us continually in your loving kindness and in your grace. Lord, help us in here, us grown up children and parents.
help us to remember the gospel as we seek to have a family that follows your structure and your plan. So that we might receive the grace of the gospel applied to our own hearts and that we might also extend the grace of the gospel applied to our homes, applying it to our spouses and extending it to our children as well. We pray these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.