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Welcome to Jessie's World - a weekly variety show that takes us through Jessie's Wheel of Life including Community, Fun, Health & Wellness, Entrepreneurship, Relationships, and Personal Development. Each segment brings a different flavor, making it interesting and engaging. The host Jessica Lambert aka @jessicavibez keeps it conversational and weaves humor though light and heavier topics. Special guests come from all walks of life and may surprise you. The ultimate goal of the show is to entertain, inspire, uplift, and assist us all (host included) in becoming our best selves. You get new, entertainment, wellness, and inspiration all in one great show.
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Jessie’s World Podcast – Episode 26, Self-Love on Valentine’s Day – No Just for Single Folks!
Hosted by Jessica Lambert – follow on Instagram @JessicaVibez
Jessie’s World is on Instagram @jessiesworldxo and our online community is www.jessiesworld.com
Re-Establishing Boundaries and Self Care – By Jessica Vibez
Intro (Jingle “do do do do do love and light, do do do do do love and light, do do do do do love and light, welcome to Jessie’s World, you’ll feel alright. By Jessica Lambert / Jessica Tha Goddess)
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INTRO
Thanks so much for tuning into episode 26 of Jessie’s World Podcast – where we are dedicated to helping people connect with, nurture, and grow their inner gifts; achieve self-empowerment, and enjoy a life of love, light, and authentic abundance. We inspire leadership and encourage legacy building that improves human lives and our world.
If you are upwardly mobile, a go getter, and committed to improving yourself and your life this is the podcast for you. I am your host Jessica Vibez with a Z, bringing you weekly episodes every Sunday to help accelerate your personal and professional development journey. Be sure to follow me on IG and tap into our live sessions on Wednesday Evenings where we interact and do some transformative work together right in the live.
Today we are having our special Valentine’s Edition – so we are going to skip some of our regular programming and go right into our topic.
This episode, we will be chatting about Self Love on Valentine’s Day, and no, this is not just for the single people, this is for EVERYONE.
So, why are we reminding you to love yourself today – well first off, at Jessie’s World, we definitely want to remind you to love yourself EVERYDAY.
Valentines day is no exception, but it is different. With all the social pressure to be in a loving relationship, a romantic relationship, a bood up n tatood up relationship it can be difficult for those we are single, or married, or in a on and off relationship, or in a situationship or even in a healthy stable relationship with real life pressures of work, kids, and other obligations.
You can feel pressured to put on a show, or feel like you need to force romance out of the non-romantic. If single, you may feel pressured to find yourself a whole partner in a day just so you can feel a part of… but fear not, because Jessie is here and I am going to help you through it all.
In fact, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, not only will I help you love you better, but I will speak in romantic tones the entire episode just to make it more fun and well…on theme ;).
So who’s in the room…wait your turn I promise everyone is leaving hear with a V-Day Goodie Bag of Love and Life Lessons that will serve you for years to come…
First Up, our Singles….
So, single on Valentine’s day – can actually be refreshing.
First off, there is no pressure to pressure a significant other into putting on a show and inauthentically doing what did not come to their own hearts and minds to do.
While we all want and crave real romance, not all VDay gestures are ‘real romance’.
Also, while you are single, you can take this golden opportunity to create a tradition that says all Valentine’s Days (single or not) will begin with you – as all days should.
This is an opportunity to set a precedence in how you want, need, and expect to be treated on this lovers day…by being the ultimate lover to you!
Step 1. Make a list of all the self-indulgent, romantic, loving things you would love done for you…
Step 2. Choose things from that list to hire someone to do (for example a massage or mani pedi)
Step 3. Choose things from the list you would love to do for yourself (for example take that aquafit class you haven’t been to in a while to get your endorphins going, or visit a karaoke bar dolo and just let loose)
Step 4. Order yourself gifts, Amazon Prime is great for next day deliveries, be indulgent, order to your home, your workplace, shoot send flowers to your gym let everyone know someone admires you … it starts within babeh.
5. Do something nice for another friend, someone you know who is also single, or who is in a relationship but may not be getting the love or attention they deserve. Doing something for someone else always lifts my mood, it feels great.
6. Do something to relax and unwind. A glass of wine, some Netflix, candle light – it’s okay to spend romantic time with yourself. Watch a comedy and enjoy time with you laughing.
7. If you are craving connection, make it a friend’s night in, sleep overs are fun at any age, put on movies, have drinks and snacks, and chop it up until the wee hours of the morning – now that’s a great valentines day
The beauty is honey, you set the bar so high, you will know the level you want your partner to reach when you do make the leap into no longer single. It’s very important to know HOW you want to be treated, and the best way to know it is to first treat yourself that way.
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Now, to my lovely folks who are married, or in committed long term relationships, but who are not getting romantic attention from your partner. This can be a tremendously difficult spot. While the singles can decide to go out and mingle, you are not so fortunate. You are stuck lonely at home in your golden prison of sorta-love and that can be very tough.
Maybe your partner has never particularly been romantic – as Comedian D-Ray Davis said you want a gift here you go “lights B” … some partners feel if they do the day to day holidays don’t matter.
For me personally, I grew up in a home where every holiday was a big deal, so part of my love language is spoiling me on special occasions and being the Princess Goddess I am, I absolutely will take any opportunity to maximize how much I can enjoy being spoiled I would take a weekend get away over a dinner any day… but not everything has to be big or expensive.
The truth is, thoughtful trumps expensive every time.
So even if your partner is on a budget – the small things matter. A massage, a Netflix and chill night with wine, a shower together – romance can be free.
If you share these ideas and your partner doesn’t bit that is okay, because your partner was only your Plan B… your plan A was and always will be YOU!
So – circle back to advise I gave our single folks and follow some of those tips.
Pamper yourself – book a massage with your partner’s credit card (get their permission first) but maybe they are not a planner but would be happy to foot the bill for your plans.
Book dinner for 2 and tell them where to meet you – if they don’t come, enjoy your dinner for one and make it fun.
Definitely send yourself some secret admirer gifts, when they ask who it came from say ‘your guess is as good as mine.” At least they will remember you are desirable to many… including you.
Do your nails, your hair, make it hard for them to stay away, but more importantly make it hard for you to care if they stay away or not.
Plan a day of over the top loving yourself luxury that will be the whole Sunday baby – so if they do show up, they simply are the cherry on top, cute, I mean who doesn’t love a good cherry on top, but without them you will always and forever have the whole Sunday honey – you good.
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Situationships
The truth is, in this day and age more and more people are finding themselves in a situationship…
The difference between a relationship and a situationship is that in a relationship it is understood that both people are available to give to each other whole heartedly, and in a situationship it is understood that one or both parties can not fully be present and give to each other.
While some situationships become relationships and visa versa, if you honestly know you are in a situationship than you can not expect that someone else will fully meet your need for love since it is already understood that they can not by the nature of the situationship you are in.
Even if you get together for valentines day, much of that is expectation, pretense, or some other limiting experience.
It means that more than ever you need to give to yourself fully, pour into self, love self, support self, celebrate self, uplift self and be fully present in a relationship with yourself.
How you treat yourself, demonstrates for and instructs others on how to treat you. Your self love journey is your example for your future relationships. As you pour into you you will raise your personal standards and thus the standards for anyone entering in and occupying space in your world. Your situationship will either become a healthy relationship or dye off and be left in the rear view as you grow to favor being a celebrated focal point in your partner’s life.
You are deserving of love.
You are worthy of love.
Even if you say you don’t care, don’t want it, we fundamentally are love, we are made up of water, love, and light. We all need love.
Follow the steps at the beginning of this podcast.
Carve out time for you.
Take the expectations you place on someone else and redirect them to self.
Book that dinner with self
Watch that movie with self
Book that spa day for self
You are worth it… and when you treat yourself in this loving manner, the world will see you are worth it too xo.
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Committed, Romantic, But Buzzy Beez
Okay my committed, romantic, bizzy bees this one is for you.
You are in a relationship.
You enjoy your relationship – for the most part, none are perfect.
You want to be showered with affection, and love, but your partner is off on a business trip, always working, or maybe you are with the kids and always tired, maybe your planned date nights end with you and your partner in a heap of sleep and you miss all the wild spontaneous intimacy you used to have… I fully understand.
This may seem like a harmless place to be.
It may feel like you always have next week, next month, next year.
But my friends, these troubled waters, if not carefully navigated, could become a deadly storm whereby your relationship is washed up at sea.
Just as our Situationshipers learned, we all need love and I will stretch that a bit further and say we all need intimacy, we all need human connection, and we all need physical touch. So while some can go many year without physical touch, many will cave when it is presented because they have been starved of it for so long.
So, please, make time for each other.
Yes, you are busy but you and your partner are the centre of your own universe. The kids, the job, the house – are all byproducts of your union. If the union crumbles all those other areas are impacted as well.
To strengthen the union you can follow a few simple little tips that work on Valentine’s Day and all days – as you should have weekly or at least monthly planned opportunities to grow and reresh your connection.
Before I give you the tips, I want you to consider the fact that most ambitious people deliberately grow every day. They seek to learn new things for personal and professional development, as you do here with Jessie’s World. They take up a new hobby; fencing, swimming, rapping in the studio. Before you know it, if you have not been deliberately nurturing, growing, and refreshing your relationship – you are in a relationship with someone you no longer know. Maybe you like the new person, maybe you don’t, maybe you can’t get a read on how you feel because it’s been so long that you truly connected that you simply don’t know who they are. Whatever the case, too much time has passed and you either need to get to know each other and fall in love all over again (hopefully) or throw in the towel and move on.
I am a romantic at heart.
I love love.
I love falling in love.
I love connecting on a deep level.
I love being celebrated, spoiled, and treaded well by my partner.
I also love spoiling, appreciating, and celebrating a partner when I have one.
Love really is a many splendor things.
And that’s why I am going to encourage you, and help you to connect with your lover.
Fun Tips:
1. Set a date – and take the entire day off for your date.
2. Start your date day by taking care of yourself by yourself. Haircut, nail salon, massage, nice hot shower… something about pampering yourself puts you on cloud 9 and you just feel good. Feeling good gives you good vibes. Good vibes are contagious and the best gift you could give your partner … trust me.
3. Next plan something special for your partner – even if your partner has planned the actual date, you should do something cute to honor your partner… don’t just show up with your two long arms, show up bearing gifts even if you made them yourself
4. Next – brush your teeth right before the date, you want to get close, and when you do you do not want to send your partner signals that say abort mission abort mission and that is exactly what bad breathe will do – so be considerate and plan for intimacy.
5. Let everything else go – sometimes when people are together too long they can bring stress from the day, work, money problems, a teacher from the school calling to complain about your child …whatever… into date night, into romance time, into the bedroom… FOLKS, that is NOT SEXXXY
Focus on nothing but your partner.
Have fun.
Loosen up.
Have a drink.
Put on music
Hang out
Run jokes
Act like you are teenagers
Just let loose
Because sex while you are in your head is not good – you need to let go – take an intergalactic tour and leave earth and all earthly problems alone, they will still be there when you and your partner step back off your rocket, until then, fly high and have fun my friends.
6. Make time for short romantic interludes – emotional and mental intimacy helps bridge the gap between date nights and mini vacations and helps you and your partner maintain spice and connection. Send cute and thoughtful texts I love you, your hot, your smile lights up my life… whatever it is sexy texts, cute texts, supportive texts. Sometimes just being thoughtful brings you closer together – a text that says I hope your quarterly meeting went well today I love you you are a Boss and a Super Star is enough to remind your partner that the relationship they are in is a full and loving one.
It is important to put in the time and effort needed to ensure your partner feels loved, and is not lonely, isolated, unfulfilled and needing wanting more.
It’s also important to communicate your own needs and be patient while helping your partner to fullfill your desires.
Finally, just like in all the other cases we covered today, it is still very important, even in a loving committed relationship, to plan you time, and to treat yourself like royalty, pour into your own cup so that it may runneth over onto your partner and all those who you love.
As you go into this day remember
Self love comes first
Show love to others
Embrace the love that comes back to you
And Tune into Jessie’s world weekly to keep your energy clean, your light bright, your heart pure, and your love alive.
God bless.
Let’s do a little affirmative breathing before we go.
Inhale through nose
Exhale through pierced lips
Repeat after me.
I give myself love every day.
As I wake I say I love you Jessica
I support you
You are strong and capable
Beautiful and full of life
The sun shines on you everywhere you go and God Loves You.
Today I will fill my cup so it may runneth over onto those I love.
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I am Jessica Vibez with a Z, you can follow me on Instagram.
You have been listening to Jessie’s World podcast where together we work on deliberately becoming our best selves. Tune in weekly as we continue to work on personal and professional development – one love.