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Breast Cancer doesn't care where you live, who you know, how healthy you are, how many initials you have behind your name, or the color of your skin. It could care less about money. This is a party that you never RSVP’d to, yet you are the guest of honor… and you don’t know what to do next.
Being diagnosed with breast cancer is where the discussion starts. Join host Shellie Turner in her new podcast that will shine light upon the darkness of diagnosis, giving you the support and information you need to keep moving forward from fellow fighters and survivors. We know you have questions, and this is a space where you can begin to find answers, community, and a voice for yourself in this journey. C. We Do Have a Voice welcomes you to the marvelous light of day.
Shellie:
Welcome to C We Do Have A Voice. I'm your host, Shelly Turner. Being diagnosed with breast cancer is where the discussion starts. Breast cancer doesn't care where you live. It doesn't care who you know, how healthy you are, how many initials you have behind your name, or what color your skin is. This podcast is a platform that will create discussion in order to help you find your story, your decisions, your information, and your understanding. Now let's get into it. Hi, this is Shelly, and welcome back to See, We Do Have a Voice. And my guest today is Roshan. And Roshan is in the early stages of her journey. Surgery just completed when?
Roshaun:
My original surgery was November the 2nd of 2022. Okay. And I just had my second surgery for my reconstruction, November 21st of 2023.
Shellie:
So there, there we are brand new. So we're here to hear your story and see, we do have a voice is a platform that is created for women, breast cancer survivors that want their stories shared. We're not asking you about, you know, don't give us any medical advice, anything like that. We want to speak to your heart and we want to let your heart speak. So do you want to kind of like start your story? Let's talk about your story, Rashawn.
Roshaun:
First of all, thank you so much Shelly for having me.
Shellie:
You're so welcome. I'm grateful. I'm so grateful that you're here and thank you for making the time.
Roshaun:
So life was great. It seemed as though it was. My daughter had just graduated from high school and we were getting ready to take her to college. And every year I had my mammogram already scheduled. And each year was always a fear because my mother passed away from breast cancer in 2004. So I had had my daughter who was going to college. I had her in February. My birthday was June 20th and my mother passed June 26th. And so Every year, it's always been the fear of... What is it gonna say now? What's it gonna say? Is my mammogram gonna... What is it gonna do? And I've always been told that I had dense breasts or cystic breasts. So, this particular year wasn't any different. A couple of years ago, I did have, like, they thought they saw something, so I had to do, like, an ultrasound. Correct. And that came back fine. Right. So this year was pretty much routine and we had gone and dropped my daughter off at school and everything and I got back on Thursday, August the 17th. My mammogram was the 18th. But it was a little weird last year because I was having some pain, but I just in the early stages of moving into menopause. Okay. So my confusion, the confusion of is this, you know, regular like cycle type, right?
Shellie:
Pain and welcome to menopause system. Yes. No, not system symptoms. There you go. Welcome to menopause system.
Roshaun:
So I was having some pain and it was on and off, on and off. And I told my husband about it and he was like, baby, you're fine, you're fine, you're fine. And I think even sometimes for him, I think sometimes it lingers in the back of his head. And so without telling him, I called my doctor. And they were like, okay, well, we'll get, because of my family history, we'll do an ultrasound. We'll send the order in and they'll call you to schedule. They never called. And I'd gotten so busy with my daughter and prom and graduation and everything like that, that I was like, okay, well, I see him in June. So therefore, I'll just wait. Well, in the meantime, my doctor dies. So what I was supposed to have the appointment in June, I ended up having it in July. And the new doctor said, oh, I see what happened. He signed the order, but it never went out.
Shellie:
Right, with all that confusion.
Roshaun:
So, which was already scary because he was young like us, like me. Really? Yeah, and so she said well let's put you in for the ultrasound and let's see if you can have it on the same day. So I go in for the mammogram. At the time I didn't know anything and I went in and I had the ultrasound right after. And you know, they do the thing and they start clicking and doing my, and I was like, okay, you kind of seeing something? And she was like, yeah, what are you doing? And I, she said, I said, do you see something? She said, I don't know. You know?
Shellie:
And that's the wrong answer. That's the wrong answer. I don't know. Yeah.
Roshaun:
She's like, you know, she said, I don't know. She said, but we'll let the doctor do it. So he, she goes out, the radiologist comes in and he's like, we see something. and we also saw it, see it on the mammogram. He said, but the good thing is that it wasn't there last year. So I said, okay. So of course now I'm freaking out. He said, but I want to do a biopsy just because of your history and things like that. So that was August 18th. I had the, or 19th, and then I had the biopsy and right after, oh, and he scared, well, he kind of gave me a good news. He was like, well, mostly like one out of seven, you know, it's usually like majority of the time, these things come back as nothing. So I'm like, okay.
Shellie:
There we are, the ray of hope.
Roshaun:
Yeah, at that point. And it was the day after, Labor Day, that my OB called me and said, I'm sorry to tell you that this is cancer.
Shellie:
They're going to have to come up with a better way to make those calls. Yeah. Because when they call you, like my last diagnosis, I went in for my regular lung, you know, the pulmonologist, when I get, they check my lungs because I have some lymph nodes on my lungs that have just been sitting dormant there for, before I even got diagnosed with breast cancer. So when I see her, it was just once a year. So she calls me on a Friday and she goes, Shelly, I got good news and I got bad news. And I'm like, what you got good news and bad news about? Yeah. I said, my, you know, and she said, no, it's not your lung. She said, there's a new cancer. And I said, you know what? Thank you. It's Friday. I'll talk to you on Monday. You know, and I didn't give it a second thought. And it's like these calls, you know, my first diagnosis, my doctor calls me and says, oh yeah, I thought it was a cyst, but you have cancer. What? These calls are, they call you, it's like they create darkness. So they create a darkness in you that they leave you with. They leave you with that and you get off the phone, it's like, okay, where do I go? What do I do? Who do I go tell? Do I break down? No, I don't wanna break down. What do I do? So yeah, these calls, they're the beginning.
Roshaun:
I had to go teach a class. I'm an adjunct professor. And I had to go teach a class. With that on your heart. With that on my heart. I had just gotten it and I. Class, pay attention. Right, right, right. And so I was in shock. Distracted to say the least. Totally, absolutely. I didn't tell anybody I talked to. Although I will say, that my OB's office called me with the liaison, and she said, okay, this is what we're gonna do. She knew who I was, because I'd had both of my kids at this particular, and so they had known me for years. Her name was Judy, I love Judy, and she's since retired. But she was like, okay, this is what we're gonna do, so we're gonna connect you with this person. And at that point, that was on Tuesday, Friday, I had an appointment to see, I think, like the first breast surgeon. I mean, like they really, it was, it was like the roller coaster, really. It was like the, you get up to the top and I'm sitting there. And then at that point, it was like, here we go.
Shellie:
But you want that. Yeah, but it was like the roller coaster never finished. Well, I mean, but you appreciate that movement versus, you know, women that tell the stories. They had to wait for a referral. Oh, absolutely. You know, and my doctor didn't approve this and now I have to go somewhere else. And those referrals just are not. you know, really important to a lot of people. They're just paperwork. Yeah. So you get your diagnosis gets lost in paperwork. Right. And you can only go when the referral office calls and makes you an appointment. And then who knows when that's going to be? Yeah. So when you can get on that roller coaster. Yeah. That's why I always say, you know, I have a team. And my team is at the, you know, at the starting point and we go to the finish line. Yeah. And that's what you have. You appreciate that part of it.
Roshaun:
No, absolutely. Absolutely. The the process of choosing my team was also, you know, I mean, it was it was fast. We met with a breast surgeon. And we went in and she was great. Actually, we went and we met with her nurse practitioner first. And we spoke to her and my husband was there. And he'd kind of had a moment.
Shellie:
And... He said he kind of had a moment. That was kind of like his... Yeah, that was his first time.
Roshaun:
Yeah, this is what we're gonna do. And so... She said, wow. She said, you seem like you have a really good support system. And I said, yes, I do. She said, you got a village.
Shellie:
Yes, I do. I do have a village.
Roshaun:
And she said, there are, I've been in this room having this first initial consultation with couples, partners. She said, and I've been in the room and the partner is like, I can't do this. And they get up in the middle of the appointment and they leave.
Shellie:
We've heard stories where they don't believe, they think it's contagious. They want to know, where did you get it? I experienced a question to my mother, asking my mother, well, why me? Why you? Okay. So the fact that they don't deal well, it doesn't help the diagnosis. It doesn't help the healing. It doesn't fit into the process. Because just like she said to you, It's about the team. And when you bring your own team, I mean, my first diagnosis, my brother went, my mother went, my husband went, because it's like, OK, what are we going to do? Right. So that makes a difference versus you sitting in that room by yourself. Absolutely. Because you're not going to hear a word they say. Absolutely. You're going to wonder, walk out of there. What did they say? Yeah.
Roshaun:
We're having a Charlie Brown moment.
Shellie:
Yeah. Because you're just sitting there looking like, are you talking to me? So, yeah, it's It is a blessing when you can take your other half, your significant other, and they are your hearing. They come in there and bless you with the hearing, the ability to hear. And it's hard for them too.
Roshaun:
Absolutely. So yeah, we met with them and we met with that doctor and we said, okay, let's do a second opinion. And it wasn't even to discredit what the first doctor has said. Let's make sure. Let's make sure, let's also feel comfortable with what this is going to look like. So we met with somebody else with another doctor in the same same group, same group, same group. And. She was amazing, and it wasn't the other one wasn't, but she came in, she she was elementary, rudimentary, you know, she came in and she got a piece of paper and she said, OK, so this is what your breast looks like. And we'll put a circle right here and we'll say this is the cancer. And she made it plain. Exactly.
Shellie:
I was going to say. Take me to the blocks. One plus one equals two. This is red, green, and blue. Okay, I got that. Yeah, you do. You don't need somebody that's speaking to you in medical terms.
Roshaun:
And I love medicine. I did a semester of nursing school, so some of this stuff was not all foreign. And then because my mother had it, Even though I did not have as much information that I probably should have. With your mother. With my mom. Yeah. So we chose the breast surgeon. She was great. And she's been amazing. And then it was time to choose the plastic surgeon. And one only did implants. The other one did implants with the flap. And I picked up the implant and I felt like, I'm looking at your water bottle, it felt like putting your water bottle inside of me. And I was like, I just don't feel comfortable doing the foreign body in my body.
Shellie:
with all this other foreign stuff going on. With all this other stuff.
Roshaun:
So I ended up going with the other plastic surgeon that was, you know, and so we built the team. Then it was time to meet the oncologist. And She's great. She's amazing. Her consonants is pretty monotone a little bit. So that, but, but it's like poker.
Shellie:
Hello. Are you here? Yeah. Yeah. You meet, you meet them like that.
Roshaun:
Yeah. But, but we put it all together and it's worked. It has to work. Yeah. Yeah So all of that was like I said, I got the diagnosis in August. Mm-hmm, and it was to the point where they were almost Pushing me. Let's hurry to when are you we gonna set up this surgery? Yeah, hurry up. I And I appreciated them for that, but on the other hand, I was like, just wait. I gotta put it together. I gotta think it through. I was like, because what if I make the wrong decision? You know?
Shellie:
This is you. Yeah. This is your life. This is your body. It's like the first thing, which is the easiest thing, is to get the diagnosis. And then after that, just like you said, you have to sit, you have to pick a team, you have to wait, you get an appointment for this person. Then you see the oncologist. Now they're rushing you because they're like, okay, they have the information internally that they have. Okay, she's got breast cancer and we know we need to take care of it. But then on the other hand, you have to process it. You have to decide, first of all, did I really hear that? And we're still on that. Did you really say that? Am I really getting ready to go through this? Is this me? And then they have to wait on you. And that's what I mean. When you have a team, your team has to be patient with you to make that decision. And then you may change your mind. And doing this platform and speaking to women, there are stories where some women didn't get chemo. And when I heard that, I was like, who said that? I never heard that before. I was never given that opportunity. That option. Yeah, it's like maybe I wouldn't have had it. And then I'm left thinking years after my diagnosis, did I do the right thing? And it's like, and you're saying they need to wait and let you process this. Well, I'm thinking way later, it's like, well, maybe, you know, well, how come I didn't have that? Yeah. So you hear the different stories you hear. That's why I said there's so many different stories. But once you have had the diagnosis of breast cancer, there's your story because you do have a story, right? There's no way you don't have a story because we're sitting here today and we're sharing stories that not all women can share, but a very high percentage of women are able to tell their stories now that, well, they do have a story now. So, It's up to you. Everything they bring to you is up to you. And just like we were talking before we got on air about now, what do I do with my life? And you have to figure that out. I think breast cancer is, you know, in the Bible it says, God is the lamp unto your feet and the direction to your path. It's like, well, has my path changed?
Roshaun:
I feel like it has in so many different ways. And that was one of the things that was hard for me. Just this past Sunday, somebody came up to me and they were like, oh my gosh, are you okay? And I'm like, I'm good.
Shellie:
I don't like that.
Roshaun:
You know, and I mean, she was crying in tears. I'm like, I'm good. I was like, I promise, I'm good, I'm good. And she said, I'm having a chemo brain moment, because I just forgot my thought. Girl, those are a gift.
Shellie:
You get those. And you can blame it on something.
Roshaun:
You can really blame it on something. I'm like, wait. I said, is this being 52? Or is this a chemo moment?
Shellie:
Oh, chemo brain is real.
Roshaun:
Oh my gosh. But she said, oh, she said, how come you didn't tell him? How come you didn't say anything? Now we talk about that. I wanted to have, I said, I said, that's a long story because I go back to what you were talking about. So first of all, when they were, when the doctors were, they weren't rushing, but they were like, we want to get this done and we want to get you scheduled and everything. I have two daughters. Exactly. And my whole thinking about this whole thing was, what about my baby? When my mother died of breast cancer in 2004, I was 33. My babies were 18 and 15. And I'm like, I need to be here for my babies, Lord. We're having this daily conversation of, okay, Lord, I need longevity. I'm like, it's in my genes. I know that because my grandmother is 95 and my other one died at 96. So I'm like, Lord, I need longevity. I need to be able to see my baby's babies. We need that long life, that strong life right now. And for the longest time, going back to her question, was I really wasn't saying it. I was like, okay, they found this, we're gonna do the surgery, they're gonna take it out. But I'm not saying that to people that I have cancer.
Shellie:
Your process is internal. Yeah, but your process is internal now. So this is between you, you and you. Your family, okay, I'm gonna get with you guys in a minute, I understand, but I need to get there first. You're thinking about your daughters, girls. You don't have sons, you have girls that this may apply to later. So you wanna do the right thing now for yourself so you can be there for them later.
Roshaun:
And I took the BRCA test. My BRCA test came back negative. So I'm like, so how the heck did that happen?
Shellie:
That's why you're here. What the heck? You were the first person that said that to me. And I was like, now that's something else for me to think about. It's like, well, you know, I have mine. I can go get, you know, it's in my bag. And it says I was.
Roshaun:
But wow, is that something you keep with you?
Shellie:
Well, the photo I just happened to have in my bag is like, you know, my stuff. That's my stuff bag. Got it. And I did have three sisters that lost the battle. So I took it as, OK, then you're right. I do have it. But they make you feel like the Bracca is the Holy Grail, you know, God's word. Right. And when you said it came back negative and you had it, I said, well, then it's not. then it's not.
Roshaun:
My mother's best friend's daughter, who's like, she's like my big sister. If it had not been for them, even when my mom passed away, I would not have known what to do. My big sister, she's also an OB, who's also a survivor. And my aunt is a survivor too, like my mom's best friend is a survivor.
Shellie:
So her and her daughter.
Roshaun:
when I called her for years, for years, when I was talking to her about the whole BRCA test, you know, she was like, okay, well, if it comes back negative, then you don't have to worry about the girls. But then I hadn't been diagnosed at that point. And so, because I always said, if I got cancer, I was going to take them off. I always said that. I didn't think I was going to have to eat my words.
Shellie:
But when I said, you know, I was like, OK, well, I'm a show you. Yeah. And let's see what you're going to say about that now. Yeah. You feel the same way?
Roshaun:
Exactly. And but she always said she said. This is what she said at the moment, but then you shared with me and I was like, oh, just like you said about the Brock, I was like, oh, wow, maybe, maybe not. So now I'm still nervous. But she was like, She was like, in my brain, she's like, you can't have breast cancer if you don't have breasts. And the idea was, right, till I met you. And then it was like, okay, great.
Shellie:
But that's why I say it's so hard to pinpoint the right information. Because I did that. I got rid of my breasts. I said, let's do the mastectomy because I'm done. It came back anyway. And my surgeon makes a comment. She said, well, I guess I didn't take enough breast tissue. But did I trust you? That part, did I trust you? And I'm grateful for what you left. You know, I'm good. But if you needed to dig a little deeper and take a little more, maybe we should have done that. Because the third one came back as a HER2 positive. They were devastated. They're like, well, where did that come from? I'm like, well, don't you know? So nothing is set in stone. That's what I mean. It's like doing these, you know, interviews with these women, these survivors. Things have changed because you're hearing the real stories that you thought was the only story. It's not the only story. It's not the only story. So to me, breast cancer is individual. It is totally individualized. And when I, you know, the name of this program is C, we do have a voice, but cancer is the C is no longer going to be the loudest voice in the room now because information is what we're sharing. Yeah. Information is what this platform is about and the information that I've received. Oh my goodness. I thought I knew it's, I don't know everything. I'm hearing, like I said, I'm hearing stories. And when you said the bracket was negative, I almost fell down in the lobby. I was like, what did you say? Yeah. So now that's not true anymore. So cancer is individual. It's, it's like, it's designed for your body and your life. Cause I still struggle. I don't struggle, but I wish I knew what the difference was between me and my three sisters and their battle that they lost. And I've had it three times and I'm, I'm fantastic. I'm good. You know, I, I feel amazing. Yeah. But I, you know, when you hear people that didn't make it, it's like, well, why?
Roshaun:
That's why I struggled when I was talking with my oncologist because I was trying to make a parallel to myself and my mom. And I realized I didn't have any information. And I'm gonna assume that that was because she was being mom and she was protecting me. And my mom lived in Chicago and I lived here. And so I wasn't there daily. And I really didn't get into the mix Until so she chose to do a lumpectomy. Okay, and Lin my Sister was trying to, you know, you sure, Maria? You sure you wanna do that? But she was kind of fresh out of medical school and things like that. And my oncologist gave me the opportunity that they were like, you could do a lumpectomy because you were stage one. But one of the things that always rang in my head was, Probably the last time that I visited with my mom and at that point it had, you know, spread to her brain and we kind of, well, I can't say that we knew it was imminent. We just didn't know what was. And I met her in Atlanta at my, at her best friend's house. My stepfather came down. It was Memorial Day weekend. I took the baby with me because she had just been born. Wow. And I think we were just kind of talking and she was like, that was the first time that she said, you know, I'm gonna fight because they were gonna do radiation on her brain. And she said, you know, I'm gonna fight till the Lord takes me home. And that was the very first time that we ever talked about her losing the battle. And one of the other things that she said, and it seems like a fleeting thought, but I'm like, I know I would not have made this up, was she said, I never lived my life with regrets. She said, but I do regret not having the mastectomy.
Shellie:
And there you are with her regret. And here I am having the mastectomy. Yeah. And it came back anyway. So that's what I mean. The stories are so real. They're not a myth. Somebody can't say, oh, well, you know, if you have, you know, the mastectomy, you'll never get it again. Yeah. Pick me. That's not true.
Roshaun:
Yeah.
Shellie:
And even my doctor, you know, like I said, the comment from the from the surgeon is like, oh, maybe I didn't take enough tissue. But then I had a whole different kind of cancer that came back that appeared. So a first time HER2 positive. I had estrogen sensitives in both breasts. So where did this HER2 come from? Wow. So I'm not interested where it came from.
Roshaun:
Right. What are we doing about it?
Shellie:
Uh, let's go. Yeah. I opted out for no treatment, no chemo, no radiation because radiation you can only have one time. You can't have radiation a month. Yeah. So you can only have radiation one time.
Roshaun:
Oh, okay. Yeah, I didn't have to have radiation.
Shellie:
Yeah, see, that's what I mean. You didn't have to have radiation.
Roshaun:
But, well, they said if you do the double mastectomy and you do the chemo, I wouldn't have to have the... I didn't have to do the radiation. But I had to do the chemo because of how aggressive the cancer was presenting.
Shellie:
But you were still stage one.
Roshaun:
I was still stage one, which I was, that blew me away. Cause I know people who were kind of stage one, stage two, they had chemo first, then they had their surgery.
Shellie:
Yeah.
Roshaun:
I had my surgery first and then they were like, let's, we're gonna do this extensive pathology tests and gene tests and all of that stuff like that. And we will determine for sure if you have chemo, but even based on the biopsy and that first pathology, they were like, it's kind of likely that you're gonna have to do chemo. And I was like, okay, God, we know what you can do. So they go do this pathology and they're gonna say, no, you don't have to do chemo. And when the pathology came back, they said, we took out a few, well, we took out a few lymph nodes. My surgery was 15 hours.
Shellie:
Now, when you said that, I didn't get that. So did you have reconstruction? I did. At the same time? I did. 15 hours was a long time. 15 hours was a long time. So was the waiting room full of everybody?
Roshaun:
No, like I think, so we brought my daughter home from college. Right, right, right. And at first they were like, oh, it'll probably be about 10 hours. At least, probably about at least 10 hours. So I think it was once it started going past 10 hours, 11 hours, and they hadn't heard anything else. So my husband was kind of, they were, I'm sure he was freaking out. And so he called my breast surgeon cause she was first. He was like, Hey, I haven't heard anything. Can you call in there and see what they doing in there?
Shellie:
Before I go to the door myself.
Roshaun:
Exactly. And so at the time he was, he, you know, he went home and he was with the girls and things like that. And, and he was, you know, he was waiting for the call. And so when I woke up, it was kind of, it took me a minute, of course.
Shellie:
What time is it?
Roshaun:
No, exactly. I was like, what time is it? And they were like, oh, it's like about one in the morning. My surgery started at nine. And so I was like, oh, okay. So I said, so the first thing of course I asked was like, well, where's my husband? Have you guys called my husband and everything? So when I got to, and then I was like, well, where's my phone? And my phone was on a different floor than I was. I was like, go get, I need to talk to my man.
Shellie:
Did you wake up with drips or expanders? I woke up with drains.
Roshaun:
So I did the flap. I did the flap, which takes your abdominal tissue.
Shellie:
So you get a free tummy tuck with that? Pretty much. Yeah. That's what I thought. I was like, I'm going to get that. And I'm like, no, I'm not.
Roshaun:
Yeah. And so I had drains. I had six all together. I had two on both sides and two in the hip area. I called my husband and of course we were both so excited. I called my parents and everything. And they were like, girl, you sound good. But I was so in a state of gratefulness.
Shellie:
Yes, because it was over. That part. That part was over. And like I said earlier, being diagnosed is the easy part. Because look what you have to do to put you back together again. And I mean, you have to work with information. Do you believe it or you don't? Do you trust them or you trust them? Well, I got to see three plastic surgeons before I make the decision. Did they do it right? How do I look? You know, one of my guests, she's like one on and one off and That would have bothered me, you know? But you have to put yourself back together the best way you can.
Roshaun:
And no one can make any decisions. As many times as I asked my husband when we were trying to figure out the doctors and if I was going to do the mastectomy or the lumpectomy or whatever, he was like, he said, as much as I would love to give you the answer and say, do this, he said, I can't do it.
Shellie:
It can't come from him because then you're going to be mad. Well, you told me. I thought you said it.
Roshaun:
He said, whatever you think, wherever you land, I'm with you. Oh, yeah. I'm gonna be there. And he was absolutely amazing. And that's a blessing. No, I really know that we're the outlier. I'm really gonna know that we are definitely the outlier because it is not a given at all.
Shellie:
It is not a given. Like I said, the stories we've heard and the stories I've even heard from in my oncologist office, they walk away. In my first diagnosis I was part of a group and I became, you know, really close with one of the girls because I would venture to say maybe she didn't make it because it went to her lungs and she, you know, couldn't even talk without this horrific cough. Her husband left her and went to go live with his mother. I was like, what? Left her with the kids and she had a teenage son that was in high school playing basketball so she was still running him back and forth, running, you know, taking care of her kids because they believe it's contagious. He came from a family where, you can't stay there with her, you'll get cancer. I said, let me have the address so I can go slap them for you. So you leave your wife, your children's mother, leave your children there. So yeah, we've heard lots of stories where the partner unpartners themselves from the situation. So yeah, your husband is a rockstar. Absolutely, definitely.
Roshaun:
We've been trying to figure out what God has for us as a couple.
Shellie:
Because he could have his own ministry, you know, with that. Because men need to hear it from other men. Yeah. And he could certainly be a part of it, you know.
Roshaun:
We've been trying to figure out, what's this going to be called?
Shellie:
I mean, even, you know, if there's a day that you designate as a day for that conversation within your arena in that place. And that just be a day for families that you may be going through, you have going through, or this is just creative form. And to have your husband speak to that, that's different. That's very different. But you never know who you're speaking to. You never know. You never know whose life that would change right there in that moment to know that it's okay. And you will be better in your family being that strength in your family. So yeah, it's not unheard of.
Roshaun:
I'm excited about what, you know, God will do. And I've been able to see him through the process.
Shellie:
Transparent. Real transparent.
Roshaun:
He's been very, kind of, you know, a little billboard for me. Right before my first surgery, this was right during the, I champion at my church, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, as you know, and I just for work reasons and different things like that. I hadn't sung in the choir in years, not years, but in definitely in a couple, in some months. And this particular Sunday that we were having, Pink Sunday, I had gotten an email from a music ministry coordinator who had gotten direction from our minister of music. And they were like, hey, call Roshanna, see if she could sing on Sunday. And I was like, oh, okay. So they called me and they texted like, hey, you know, we want to know if you'd be available to sing on Sunday. I was like, okay, sure. And so he sends, he emails the song. The song was Donald Lawrence's I'm Healed.
Shellie:
This was before, was that on purpose?
Roshaun:
I think God's pretty intentional. He don't do anything by mistake. So that's what I mean No, no one knew right. No one knew what was going on with me at all.
Shellie:
And that's what I mean So that was that you're out. Were they gonna was that gonna out you?
Roshaun:
No, cuz no one still knew that was an intentional God moment to me to to declare That your journey is not gonna be your mother's journey and already it's not. And I was like, wow, Lord, that's, that was pretty, you got a very big sense of humor.
Shellie:
That's why I laugh. I say, you doing, I say, you really got jokes now.
Roshaun:
Yeah.
Shellie:
Whoa. Okay.
Roshaun:
Yeah. And at that point, you know, we had, of course we had just told my, just told our kids, you know, like going back to the girl was like, why didn't you say anything? Well, first of all, I couldn't say nothing to nobody till I told my kids. So, you know, I didn't want anything to slip out.
Shellie:
You know, my daughter's away. Yeah. And perception. And then it gets back to your kids. It's the wrong information. Absolutely. You have two people that are not the facts and they're, you know, perceiving what one is saying. And then you have a whole perception. Yeah. And they haven't included you one time. Right. So, yeah, that, yeah, is no.
Roshaun:
I couldn't have somebody else telling my story. That's what I mean.
Shellie:
Yeah. You have two people that are perceiving Yeah. That this is what's going on with you. And the first thing, oh, well, you know, her mother died. It's like. Right. Eliminate that. Yeah. Eliminate that. Yeah. That traffic, you know. Yeah. They already have that fear that that's their comparison. That's their that's their comparison. Yeah. It's like, well, you know, granny grand. Yeah. Her mother died. It's like, so, you know, that it's like, so what are you saying? Yeah. Don't say it for me. Yeah. And that's one of the problems I had in my first diagnosis. I had to really let a family member know. I am not saying I have. I am saying they say I have because I'm not claiming that for myself. So when you gossip about it to somebody and you say, oh, you know, Shelly has cancer. I had to let her know, don't do that. Don't speak for me. You know, don't speak for me because I'm not saying I have it. I'm saying, well, they say I have. And you're saying, oh, you know, Shelly has. Don't declare that for me. And don't declare it in a conversation that you're having with somebody that I didn't tell. So you have to let people know this information about my life. I love you, but it's just not available right now. And it'll be available if I want it to be available. But right now it's not. So when the lady comes to you and asks you, are you okay? You sure? Well, why didn't you tell?
Roshaun:
They wouldn't be somebody that I would have told anyway. They're not, unfortunately. You know what I mean?
Shellie:
She's a sweet girl and I know her and all this stuff like that.
Roshaun:
We've known each other for years, but you're not in my circle like that. What could that have done for her? To repeat. Absolutely nothing.
Shellie:
To repeat and now she's a part of your conversation. Yeah.
Roshaun:
you know, even in my circle, you know, and how people, I think, kind of navigated around me and, you know, and that kind of thing, you know, sometimes was great, but sometimes it was a little hurtful, a little much, you know, because the whole, the key word I keep saying is perception and the way people perceive what is going on with you.
Shellie:
And you said, because they're in your circle, of course they know better than the person that's not, but then no, you don't. If you're not in my household and you're not in my brain, because I'm changing every day now, because I'm going through something that's brand new, that's taking me on the rollercoaster ride every day. This is between me and my husband, me and my girls, and we're going to take our time, including our girls. So you, Not right now. And don't, you know, perceive, well, you know, she's not talking right now. So now, you know, they have a whole conversation on perception. And that is my pet peeve. If you don't have the facts and if you don't have the exact knowledge of what you're talking about, The Bible says, aspire to live a more quiet life and be quiet. And that's a t-shirt I think breast cancer survivors should wear. Be quiet, you know, about me. And that's what I mean. People asking you, oh, were you okay? You sure? Well, why would you say sure? You know, why would you ask me, am I sure? What did you hear now?
Roshaun:
I'm like, I'm good. Yeah. So I don't know if it was because about after the year after we did breast cancer awareness month, 2023, okay. Was the very first time that I publicly posted on social media about it. Oh, did you, that was therapeutic in the sense that, well, I did, I hadn't gotten to the point where I had even say that I, had cancer until they told me that I had to do chemo. Because... Because you knew what that look was going to be. Not so much in the look, but to me, the parallel was... I do. Yeah. I do have cancer. And I was like, because you don't do chemo. Unless you have cancer. Unless you have cancer. Right. And I couldn't wrap around my brain. Well, you said you got it all. So if you said you got it all and I'm good, then why are we doing this?
Shellie:
See, and that's why I said cancer diagnosis is the easy part. Putting your body back together is a whole nother story. Cuz I got to do this and then I'm gonna be sick. And I mean I laughed at one of the guests She said she bought that cold cap.
Roshaun:
So her hair went I Had the credit the cold cap from I think it was like New Jersey somewhere on the East Coast Cuz I had a friend who also did the cold cap and said oh it actually saved my my hair so first of all, I'm looking through the thing right and I'm like I This don't say nothing about black girls' hair. This don't say nothing about black people's hair. And so I'm like, okay, we'll work with that. So we go, and I did it three times. I had to buy dry ice, which is about $80 each week, because my rotation was every two weeks for four rounds. And then I had to do the Taxol, which was every week for 12 weeks. But I put on the cold cap, my husband was with me, and I have pictures, but you had to change it out every 20 minutes, because I couldn't afford to have somebody there with me.
Shellie:
But see, that's what I mean. You're putting your body back together again. This is another part of it, a cold cap. And you got to do all this dry icing.
Roshaun:
Who's going to do that? Trying to freeze my hair follicles. Yes. And after the second treatment, I was like, I don't have no edges. Now, black girls are they edges, right?
Shellie:
It's a whole thing.
Roshaun:
I'm like, so it took my edges coming out. I was like, okay, I got all this hair up here, but if I don't have no edges, I'm going to have to cut my hair off anyway. So we'll have all this hair back here. And it was costing me three 79, like almost $400 a month. And so, but a good thing was that I had like two treatments within that month period. And I said, okay, yeah, I don't think I said, okay, Lord. And, and it was a big ding for me because I've always had a hair fetish. Oh, yeah. Well, so God has been like, okay, we, we, we doing this thing, but I'm gonna do this my way.
Shellie:
Cause your hair is not you and you're not your hair.
Roshaun:
I got it taped on my phone right now of when my hairdresser came over to cut my hair off. Oh yeah. And that's what we played in the background.
Shellie:
Yeah. It's like, even before NDI resaying that song, I had cancer the first time. And that was my model. I'm not my hair and the hair is not me. When my hair came out, I was in the bathroom and the doctor told me, he said, because I went and got my hair braided, because I don't know, right? He said, I don't know what you did that for. He said, because between five and 10 days after your first chemo treatment, your hair is going to start shedding. I'm like, no, because I braided my hair. My hair is not coming out. On the 10th day, I was in the bathroom brushing my hair and it was just like,
Roshaun:
Yeah, it was just coming out.
Shellie:
And I was giving one of my good friends a birthday party. And I was like, Lord, let's let me keep my hair one day. Right. So that day, the next day, that night, I'm getting ready to go and get ready for this surprise party. I was doing like this, like, just don't come out. Next day, I told my sister-in-law, I said, come cut my hair, because I was not going to sit there and do this.
Roshaun:
I did and I did that. Mm-hmm. I did that Because when I returned the cold cap, mm-hmm, then it was a time it was like you just rent the cold cap Pretty much. Oh, yeah. Oh, you got to give it back. Yeah Well, the good thing was that they they paid for the shipping and and they back and forth. Well, I probably paid for it somewhere in there. Yes. So the whole time I was like, okay, well maybe I should come up with a cold cap for black girls.
Shellie:
Without that dry ice.
Roshaun:
The dry ice. And you had to do it for what's like so even like an hour or four hours after the treatment is over, but you still have to rotate it every 20 minutes. This is a whole process.
Shellie:
It was a whole process. Let's not have no hair because that's too much.
Roshaun:
Yeah, I said, okay. And it was a struggle because I was right in the middle of my parents' retirement. And so I was able to keep my hair. And so I cut my hair because my hair was like medium length. Yeah. And I cut it right before Chris, right before the first treatment. So I cut it into a bob. Right. And I had about. for, I had about six weeks and my parents were having this series of retirement parties and events and everything. And I was in the middle of chemo and I couldn't enjoy it as I would want to. The week after that was when I cut my hair.
Shellie:
It's like, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. Cold cap. I thought that there's somebody that I know that got the cold cap because she just was not having the hair come out. She was like, no. And it thins your hair out.
Roshaun:
Yeah, it did.
Shellie:
And the one girl that did the show, she was like, you know, I'd lost about 60 percent of my hair. And I'm like, what's the point, man? What's the point? But like I said, I'm not mad about my hair.
Roshaun:
Did your hair have no edges, girl?
Shellie:
No, no, no. That's not worth it. It's like, you're going to have all this hair back here. You ain't got no edges. So nothing's connecting. No, we're not doing that. It was not working. No. It was not working. But I really, really, really want you to know with all my heart that I appreciate you being here so much because I know I can hear it. that you still have more to tell. But thank you so much for Sean for taking out the time, sitting with us. And like I say, letting your heart do the talking, because that's where all this is now. It's in your heart and you will speak from your heart and you're not finished speaking. I know that for sure. So I just want to wish you all the best on this journey. And my hand is up because I'm I'm really ready to be on the journey with you. So thank you again for coming in. Much appreciated.
Roshaun:
Well, thank you so much for having me, allowing me to tell a portion.
Shellie:
Yes, exactly.
Roshaun:
Just a portion of my story. I truly appreciate the invitation. I'm honored. I'm humbled.
Shellie:
I'm honored.
Roshaun:
And thank you for being willing to walk with me through it. Absolutely.
Shellie:
Absolutely. Thanks, everyone, for listening. Make sure to follow and rate the show wherever you get your podcast. This podcast is produced by Rainbow Creative with executive producer Matthew Jones, producers Steven Selnick and editors and mixers Rob Johnson and Stefano Montelli. See you on the next one.