What if She's Not "The One"?

Welcome to the Man On FIRE Rising Podcast, where men are supported, challenged and held accountable to become better fathers, husbands and leaders and live a life with more passion, power and a deeper sense of purpose.

In today's fast-paced world, relationships can often become complex and challenging to navigate. Many couples find themselves at a crossroads, questioning whether they are truly meant to be together. One common scenario is when one partner says, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." But what happens when it's the other way around? What if you're the one thinking, "What if she’s not the one"? In this episode, we'll explore the deeper meaning behind these words, unravel the misconceptions around love, and offer insights on how to navigate through these treacherous waters.

 Join us as we dive deeper into these topics, offer guidance, and provide tools to authentically reestablish trust, love, and intimacy in your relationships. When it comes to your relationship, no one can make the decision for you. Only you can determine what is true and right for you. Don't miss out on this opportunity to regain that lost love and passion in your relationship.

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The Man On FIRE Podcast is your #1 trusted resource for learning to grow and become the Man and King you were born to be. You’ll hear directly from David Mehler as he provides tools, tips, and strategies for your business, relationship, body, heart, and mindset. This is a must-listen for the man that is ready to rise into his passion, power, and purpose, and live into his full potential!

Learn more at www.manonfirerising.com.

What if She 's not the One?
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[00:00:00] All right, guys, what is up? It is your man on fire. Mentor David Mehler coming to you live And I wanted to dive into the center of the fire with a topic that

[00:00:11] is generally for the men that want to reestablish the trust, the intimacy, the passion, the respect in their relationship. Maybe you have felt like you're living as roommates. Maybe you're sleeping in a separate room. Maybe you've heard, I love you, but I'm not in love with you. Maybe you've heard the word separation or even divorce could be on the table.

[00:00:32] Maybe the relationship is in a place of resentment or contempt, or maybe it's even gotten to a point of apathy. Regardless of where you're currently at in the relationship, this workshop will absolutely be supportive and help you have some of your own blind spots illuminated so you can know how to navigate in exactly, uh, these types of treacherous waters.

[00:00:55] Now, earlier, when I started mentioning, uh, how if a woman says to you that I love you, but I'm not in love with you, I had mentioned, what does she really mean when she's saying those words and, uh, tune into that live if you want to have the answers to that. But one of the gentlemen, he had asked, well, what if I'm the one that's saying that?

[00:01:14] What if, what if I'm the one thinking that I love her or I care for her deeply, but I'm not in love with her? And I had shared, well, here's what I would say to that gentleman, as well as to anyone that's listening right now. Most of us have a very, uh, naive, rudimentary, infantile, immature understanding of what true love really is.

[00:01:41] So what do I mean by this? What I mean is that. We have a tendency as men to attach to things outside of ourself to bring us a certain experience, to bring us a certain type of feeling, to bring us to a place of happiness.

[00:02:01] So a woman or money or job, career, a house, cars. We have these attachments to these things that are external to us. And what ends up happening is that at some point, those things bring us a certain. level of happiness. And then what happens one day is that thing that's external to you, meaning it's not inside of you.

[00:02:25] All of a sudden, you don't have the same level of satisfaction. You don't have the same level of happiness. And hence, that's where relationships end. Well, what's the problem? What's the trap? Well, the trap is, is that we haven't cut the cord Of codependence. We haven't cut the cord of needing something outside of ourself to source our own joy.

[00:02:47] See, we settle for happiness and happiness will never last because happiness is attached to things that are externally sourced. As I just mentioned, a career, money, a woman, a car, a house. We always have these things and as long as we get what we thought we wanted, we're happy. And then all of a sudden one day we either lose that thing or we still have that thing and we're no longer happy.

[00:03:09] And then we're scared because we don't understand, well, why is this happening? And so what most men do is they cut the cord to the relationship and they say, well, it must be her. I must not be in love with her. She's probably just not the one. So let me take a step back. And I'm going to preface by saying that in the man on fire world, we will never tell a man if you should or you shouldn't be with your partner.

[00:03:33] I'm not here to tell you to be with her, to not be with her, to break up with her, to stay with her. That is, that is never for us to make that determination. What we are here to do is we're here to help you have the highest level of truth illuminated that you're willing to live into. And all we can do is help you remove obstacles or blind spots that are in your way that are preventing you from seeing a high level, higher level of truth and do our absolute best to bring you into a place of empowered decision making, which is fueled by your heart, which is fueled by your soul.

[00:04:07] What do I mean by that? I mean where you graduate, uh, thinking from your mind where you draw the T chart and here's the pros and here's the cons and here's why I should be with her and here's why I shouldn't be with her. And this is all from the mind. And what we seek to do in the man on fire, uh, brotherhood for those that come into one of our coaching programs is we're here to help you discover access to having, uh, you know, intelligence speaking to you.

[00:04:33] That's beyond your mind. It comes from your heart, it comes from your soul. It's pure wisdom. And then, you know, the question is whether or not you're going to really honor that. So for example, many of you already know outside of reasons, outside of the analysis, outside of the T charts of pros and cons, many of you already know when you first got with somebody whether or not you know they're the right person for you.

[00:04:54] It's just a knowing. You know, you can't argue with the knowing you can't argue with your soul. She will never negotiate with you. And so sometimes when a man begins a relationship or when a woman begins a relationship, he or she may have a knowing that this person is not really my life partner. And they override that knowing.

[00:05:12] And then they end up getting engaged or they end up getting married. And then years later, it ends. And they could point their finger at their partner. Well, you didn't do this and you didn't do that. And she didn't do this and she didn't do that. And you might be able to trace this all the way back to yeah.

[00:05:25] But where did the initial betrayal happen? And did you recognize that you overrode your own truth at the beginning of the relationship? So. So we're here to amplify your capacity to tap into that knowing and additionally to help you have more courage to act on that knowing because it's one thing to know the truth.

[00:05:45] It's another thing to take action on the truth.

[00:05:47] And at man on fire, we are here. Teaching men how to become the guardians, the gatekeepers, the protectors of the feminine hearts, how to show up in a high level of maturation, uh, are mature masculine with our heart fully online, rooted in the knowing of who we are, totally centered, connected above. This is the idea of a man is to, uh, give off.

[00:06:10] Uh, that vibrational frequency of an embodied masculine leader. And I'll end on this note by saying that most men or many men, many, many men, they truly can't appreciate the partner that's in front of them because you're. vision is clouded. You see, the person that you're seeing that you're in relationship with, whether you're dating her, whether you're engaged, whether you're married, whether you're thinking about leaving the marriage, the person that you're witnessing is only a reflection of where you're at in your own life and in your own growth.

[00:06:46] And your lens is clouded. And if you haven't cleared your own lens, if you haven't done the internal work, if you haven't grown yourself. Then the view that you're having of her, very often for a man is only in response or in relationship to how you've been showing up in the relationship. Well, what am I saying in English?

[00:07:05] What I'm saying is, is it possible that if you gave her a new version of you, that's more congruent, more aligned where you're taking care of your body, you're crushing it in business. You're. kicking butt with your finances. You're living on your deepest mission and purpose as opposed to the guy that's, you know, masturbating all the time to pornography.

[00:07:24] The guy that's drinking alcohol all the time or smoking weed or hiding behind work because he feels more successful at work than he does at home. Or you're the guy that's stuck in your head or playing video games on the couch and surfing the internet and you can't be present with your wife. You can't be present with your family.

[00:07:39] Well, what version of her are you expecting to see? Because she's in response to how you're showing up. And so, very often, a man will end a relationship thinking that she's the source of the problem, she's the problem. Because it's a lot easier to do that than it is to look in the mirror. So, we tell a man that unless you have an absolute soul knowing that the person that you're with is not the person you're supposed to be with, great, honor that.

[00:08:03] But if you don't know that, then what's in front of you is you owe it to yourself and you owe it to your partner to grow yourself as a man. A bare minimum of doing a deep internal work of looking at yourself, pulling up the shadow, looking at the darkness, looking at all and unpacking and uncovering all of your blind spots.

[00:08:18] And so that by the time a year is up, you look in the mirror, you're starting to be super proud of the man that's looking back at you. And now that person, how he's viewing his partner in relationship is totally different because not only have you changed, therefore you're changing how you see her, but because you've given her a new version of yourself.

[00:08:36] How she's relating back to you will be completely different. So you can literally call forward a new version of your partner if you're willing to have the courage to grow yourself as a man. So I wanted to address the question that came in earlier. I'm going to trust that this will support a lot of you guys out there because it's so easy to name and blame and shame and judge and project and say I love you but I'm not in love with you.

[00:08:56] I mean, how many of you are in love with yourself? Right, so don't expect to be in love with your partner. Don't expect her to be in love with you. Don't expect for you to be in love with her if you haven't fallen in love with yourself. Manifire is here to help you guys fall back in love with yourself.

[00:09:09] Here's to you guys, rising with passion, with power, and with purpose. It's your man, On Fire mentor, David Mehler. We'll be delivering lots of truth bombs like this, and we're going to support you guys in knowing how you can authentically Meaning no, no tricks, no gimmicks, no tactics.

[00:09:22] How can you authentically reestablish the trust, the love, the intimacy, the passion, and find your way all the way back into her heart.

[00:09:31] I'll see you there. So much love guys.