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“What if every time something didn’t go as planned… it was actually guiding you exactly where you needed to go?”
Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center’s podcast dedicated to empowering parents and their kids as they navigate mental health challenges. Through insightful discussions, expert advice, and engaging storytelling, we provide the tools and support needed to foster resilience, self-discovery, and emotional well-being.
Each episode features two segments:
🦸♂️ For Parents – Practical strategies, expert insights, and real conversations to help caregivers support their child’s mental and emotional growth.
🌟 For Kids – Interactive storytelling and discussions centered around unlocking their inner hero, overcoming obstacles, and building confidence.
Together, we break stigmas, encourage open dialogue, and equip families with the knowledge to thrive. Because every hero’s journey starts with a conversation.
#CapesAndConversations #UnlockTheHeroWithin #MentalHealthMatters #ParentingSupport #BuildingFutures
00:00:00
Welcome to Capes and Conversations, the Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center podcast. I'm Adam Kotowski, Clinical Director. And I'm Megan Rose McMullen, MS. This podcast is a conversation about mental health and wellness. So there's no such thing as failure, only feedback. Tell me about this. Well, the concept was a good one that I took on years ago. The most successful people in life, and I don't care how you determine success.
00:00:37
I go by John Wooden's definition of success, which success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction, knowing you did the best in what you were capable. I was never going to go to Harvard for academics, but that doesn't make me stupid. I was going to be the best version of myself and successful in the academia world, and that was it. The thing was, when you... get that idea, that definition, success is peace of mind. That's all it is. You are the one who is in control of the work ethic, the understanding that you put in the absolute.
00:01:11
best effort to become the best version of yourself. And that is it. Nobody else needs to know. I love that. Right. And also, it's one of those, it's kind of the same thing of like, when you lay your head down at night, you have peace of mind knowing that. I did all I could. All I could. Yep. And I am enough of that. That's what I say every night when I go to bed. I center, it's like a reflection. I empty out my thoughts and I say, I am enough. That's it. And the reason I say that is because I did everything I possibly could from sunup to sundown to create what I did. Yeah. Some people have anxiety when they think about self-improvement, personal development.
00:01:47
They think like, well, I can always do better. Oh, yeah. So I'm not enough. Depending on what you're doing, you know, special operations, yes, it's always we can do better. We're going to work on it. different regime. That's a different mentality. It's a different approach. That's why they're able to do what they're able to do. But for us who want to do well in academic world, who want to do well as sports, whatever it might be, I am enough, period. And the whole.
00:02:17
idea with that definition of success, peace of mind, key words, the whole phrase is peace of mind, knowing you did the best in what you're capable. The thing is, you have to understand that we do not fail. We just produce feedback. We just produce results. And when you know that, if you look at every successful person on this planet, they have the attitude of a three or four-year-old kid in the backyard with a superhero t-shirt that says, I'm going to do it again. And then I'm going to do it again. And I always do the example of you're.
00:02:50
in the backyard with a little bike, and you're building a ramp, you fall off, you hurt your arm, you come in screaming, yelling, crying, oh, you got a boo-boo, we kiss it, you know, whatever, we ask his parents. And, You, what do they do? You go right back out there and you do it again. Why? Because you, it's, that ramp is not going to win over you. So you're going to do it again. That's, that's what having no fear of failure is. You just produce results that will learn from this. What happens though, if all the feedback that you're getting is like overwhelming and you're like, I'm not enough. I could do better. I should have done better. What, what, what if that comes to?
00:03:32
Well, remember, we go back to one of the original podcasts we did is you're the ship in the water, right? You can only sink if you let water inside you. You have to displace that. Every time that you are hearing from other people or even inside your thinking where it says, oh, I'm just, I'm not, I've done this a hundred times. I'm not going to do it again. I'm not going to be good at it. Well, guess what? Maybe it's the hundred and first or the hundred and second that it actually breaks through. Yeah. Who are you to know? And you're your own worst predictor. You absolutely are your own worst predictor. So put all of your. Focus all of your energy into just doing it again.
00:04:03
And who knows what opens up as a new way of seeing things is doing things like, Oh, wait a minute, I can do this. I actually have an example of this. My tattoo artist just did a tattoo and she used like the wrong needle on one of the leaves. And when I looked at it, I'm like, I don't know. It looks like a leaf to me. It looks really good. I enjoy it. And she's like, man, I just see. And like all you can, she can see is her mistakes. But I'm looking at it. I'm like, it looks fantastic. Absolutely. And I'm like, but that's the thing is like, you can tell where you've gone.
00:04:34
wrong, what your mistakes are, et cetera, which is you need to have some place where you're supported and where you can have course corrections, some places where you can feel grounded, where you can. And then also reminding yourself, if you're in comparison, you have a thief to joy, right? Comparison will suck the life out of you. Always. And, you know, an interesting statistic that I found out. Well, So, do you know that 65% of teenage kids who have Instagram are depressed?
00:05:09
65%? 65% of the United States kids who have Instagram are depressed. Why? Or show signs of depression? Because it's all comparison. Well, look what this one has. Look what that one has. You know, my two eldest kids right now, they used to watch a lot of the, you know, Victoria and Disney, you know, I can't even think of it, Miley Cyrus's, you know. Hannah Montana. I mean, they used to watch it. And, you know, all the kids were like, oh, my God, what does this person have?
00:05:41
Oh, they're so much more than I am. It's all comparison. The high school musical was a big one back then, too, with my kids. Oh, it's all comparison. Well, that's why there's a depressive thinking in many instances, because it's like my life compared to theirs. Oh, man, they've got all this stuff. I don't know. absolutely not you stop the comparison yeah so that's where the feedback just gets you more and more towards your vision board your goals everything you're looking to create you produce results and say okay this is what I learned from it next and I think I was telling you like a lot.
00:06:15
of times when we have that vision board we have that thing that we want we have that moment when we do the thing or whatever like I had where I was like I wanted to write a novel okay and I have years 12 years in the making I started it when I was in the beginning of high school maybe the beginning of college yeah and I didn't finish it until 2019 so it was like 12 years in the making yeah and and I finally did it I finally did it and I sent text message to everyone who.
00:06:47
knew that I was writing a book and for so long I posted it on social media and that was it that was all like I got that high of like completing it and then I was like, oh okay now what, And then, and now, and I was like, I guess, and then someone's like, I guess you're onto the next book or you're onto the thing. And that's what it is. Like you have these goals and it's literally the journey. It's the journey that matters. That's where you're supposed to have fun, enjoying it, creating it, blah. Because the moment of beginning and the moment of end are split seconds.
00:07:21
Yes. And then the dopamine and everything's going to be checked off the box. The same thing goes with like, if you have a thing you want or this idea, and someone said to me, um, don't win your life away. So when I get skinny or when I get the job or when I, whatever, because that is just telling you that that's the feedback telling you like, okay, well you have this belief that's keeping you stuck. Yeah. Right. And we talked about perfection is in the last podcast, I believe, and it causes a lot of.
00:07:55
procrastination. We have this like idea of something in our head, this expectation. Correct. And then because we don't think we can hit it or achieve it or do it, we end up not doing it. Well, it's like I should do this. I should do that. We end up shooting all over ourselves, right? Oh, yeah. I really like that one. Right. It's the truth. I mean, well, I should have done this. I should have done that. Well, that's like trying to milk a chicken. It's a waste of time. I've never heard that. I love that phrase.
00:08:26
I always tell people, it's like you're trying to milk a chicken. You're wasting your time. You're not getting anywhere. So for you to say, I should have done this, I could have done this, I would have done this, done. Don't even do that. Don't go there. It's a waste of time. You learn from how you did it and say, all right, this is what I'm going to do next time. Or I'm going to take this learning and say, I'm going to make it better this time. That's how you succeed. Yeah. Right? But you sit there and say, oh, I wish I wouldn't have. Waste of time. Right. So to a side note of this, though, I have a story about this. Yeah. So recently, like, let's say within the last six years.
00:09:00
months um when people ask you know when you have those like questions and you're talking they're always like okay well if you could have done something differently if you would have done things and it kept coming up like oh I would have joined the military that was my thing like oh it would have changed my life I would have done a lot of things and I was like and I felt really really called to it three separate times in my life I just didn't right and so if I were to say I regretted something when quote unquote you know um it would have been that true and so um push, comes to shove comes full around and I find out that I can still join the military and so what do.
00:09:35
I do get myself out there get out there all right all this yeah right because and I think that that's feedback right that at first it was like okay well it didn't really feel right it didn't really whatever I thought I missed my opportunity it came back around perfect timely I'm not going to sit here and dwell on it anymore I'm going in I'm diving in because like you know you don't get second chances very many times or fourth or third or fourth chances it's all over, I think it's important to utilize that. But I do get that point because it's also a growth mindset, right?
00:10:09
And I think I've shared with you this really awesome book that I read, which is called The Growth Mindset, the new philosophy on, I don't know, growth, I guess. But something like that. But basically they talk about growth mindset in kids. And a lot of times when you have star athletes and star pupils that are just like kind of naturally gifted, when it comes to sports or whatever, they actually struggle a lot more. They have their highlight. They're the ones that like peaked in high school or whatever. Of course. Because what happens is they are naturally gifted.
00:10:40
and they start to believe that you're just born with it, right? Just like people believe that people who have magic powers or whatever, they're just born with it. No. A lot of times when you see it, yeah, it's developed. It's a skill, right? And so it requires when you have people who have . . . struggle a lot of times with like the neurodivergent community you find a little bit more imagination right more resilience because they don't it's just not handed to them and they're not like.
00:21:35
Not like we're done working. It's just you, you, aha, you've crossed the finish line. Cause you finally have the answer and now you can build from there. Cause you can't change what you're not aware of. No. You can't do it. Not at all. Yeah. And we talked about this in the last episode where common sense needs to be taught. Correct. And it changes every day because everything is changing. Everything, always. Yeah. And it's moving at a fast rate. that you can't even keep up with. So would you say that one of the ways that parents can help their kids develop resilience.
00:23:46
of the game right but like and that i think it's really important for us to like reframe stuff for kids too like as parents like yes technically that point did lose the game but like that doesn't mean the whole, it's a team sport right from the very beginning so like reframing it these failures into different ways of working through it and then um being able to sit and discover it and get curious about like why it feels uncomfortable because we don't have to like change stuff like people aren't going to.
00:24:20
die of hurt feelings people aren't going to die of being uncomfortable or in pain so your sense of urgency to fix the problem isn't necessary because you don't want to sit it for too long but it's also necessary to sit in and feel it a little bit to see if we can adjust anything else one of the things i always say particularly to the parents when they've been through something very traumatic or tragic and i wait for the appropriate time to say this but i will say sit with the pain and the reason you want to sit with the pain is because there is.
00:24:52
a nugget or nuggets of wisdom that will direct and redirect your life in ways you never, I've never thought possible when you are in that pain. You don't want to stay there, but you want to sit with it for a little bit because there's just something that comes out. Like something comes up that you realize, holy cow, I never thought of things like that. What a different perspective. And that's, to me, where you really need to sit with that pain so you can get that wisdom. Yeah. And I think it's one of those things where you can't let the pain consume you.
00:25:25
You have to let it be a catalyst. Okay? You need to let it move and propel you forward because that's what pressure, pain, that soreness from exercising and moving. Yeah, lactic acid. Yeah, it's the thing that's like, oh, I'm actually moving. It's the awareness of being alive and stuff. The other thing I always say is there's always a gift within the shadow. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And a lot of times that's what happens. At first, we're kind of scared to look at the shadow, but then you flick on the light and you're like, oh, it's just a coat.
00:25:57
Right? Correct. So a lot of times when we're in the pain. There's always some kind of thing to like help us and use it. And that's another way of using feedback. And if you need help processing pain, processing trauma, seeing the gift within the grief or whatever's coming up, we're here to do that. Always here at Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center would be honored to talk with you and, you know, to have, to even sit with you and understand what you're going through. And more importantly,
00:26:28
how can we at some point can transform that and grow from it? Yeah. Cause that's like our big thing is like we can use every opportunity, this feedback that comes in every single day with every single event as an opportunity to reflect and to grow and transform. Absolutely. Yeah. Until next time. Thank you for listening to Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center capes and conversations. We are a non-for-profit 501 C3. All donations and sponsorships will be utilized to serve those who.
00:26:59
may need it. through collaborative care with our psychiatric nurse practitioner and or our clinical social workers, yet are unable to afford it. If you would like to sponsor these services, donation links are in the show notes on our website and on our social media outlets. If you have any topics of conversations or questions that we should talk about, please contact us and if you choose, you will remain anonymous.