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Have you ever listened to a podcast about a podcaster? In 2024 Coulee's podcast "NDAints" wins national acclaim, why 11 years later is she living as a disgraced writer, in an old laundry works building.
Hi, I'm Coulee - welcome to the Something Else universe. In this podcast you will follow 3 Indigenous protagonists as your tour guides into the triumphs and struggles of contemporary Indigenous peoples. The something else universe was born from a yearning to create the sanctuary my own nervous system needed. It is a space where rage is celebrated, dreams are cultivated, rest is centered, and heroes are born. Just as its name suggests this podcast is unlike any other, it pulls elements and action from our world now and skillfully weaves them anew in this narrated Indigenous futurism landscape. It is my wish that this marks the beginning of a very long, very ancient journey together, listener and storyteller.
In a recent country wide poll on turtle island indigenous peoples were excluded from the stats, making them categorical “something else”. As Indigenous people the popular belief is that we live somewhere between marginalized and extinct. This podcast invites the listener deep into the space between the lines, outside the margins, it embraces... “other”.
The something else universe was created, written, voice acted, soundscaped, produced and edited by me, Kat "Coulee" Ross. Special thanks to the staff and volunteers at CFUV 101.9FM. Original score and music by Reil8 of @the_r.a.p_ Artwork generated by AI programs, Midjourney and DALL-E.
You're listening to "Something Else". An original podcast story created by me, Coulee. Audio adventures in Indigenous futurism. This is episode two, titled "Indigenophilopath"
Narrator: The silence of a humming city, sounds crashing into concrete, and onto one another, the backwash sound buzz filling the air like a busy bee hive, in constant motion they compete with the bright lights, the hologram ads, the lasers and scanners that pentrate every nook. Perched above a conveiniece store housed in an old laundry services building is the hole in the wall she crawled into years ago. Through a window crack the smells of tide, cigarettes and broken dreams drift up to the quaint little railcars her landlords call home. The glow of the city grows as night is settling in.
(Siren sounds)
Narrator:the familiar drull of sirens awaken her, groggy, She rolls over and rubs her eyes, fumbling around she finds it.
(Smoke lighting sound)
Narrator: She takes the big long drag as she lights her smoke in bed
Coulee:(Drag smoke)
(door pounding, KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK, KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK)
Coulee: "Go away!....
I'm not interested.... She isn't here!
(Door pounding KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK)
Narrator: Naked she plops out of bed, wraps herself in a satin robe
Coulee: (Groans) " I'm coming"
Narrator: "she grabs her grandfather's old Abalone pistol and goes to the door.
Coulee: "Who are you?"
Narrator: Nervously Azure Kinew begins to speak.
Azure: (Stutters)"I'm, imm looking for Coulee Ross?....Coulee C Ross. I've been searching for you for the past two years. May I come?
Coulee: "No!"
Azure: "Coulee please. I've been searching tirelessly for you, can you just hear me out?"
Coulee: "All right. But if you want my time, it's gonna cost you a pack of mother earth and a bottle firewater you can grab them downstairs.
Narrator: Azure hurries downstairs to make his purchases and is back at Coulees door in minutes.
Coulee:" Come in, (door opens)
"you could have 15 minutes of my time"
Narrator: The apartments walls are barren, all that furnishes this place is a cluttered desk, a mattress, a small nightstand, and piles of paper fills every corner. She sits down to the only chair gesturing to him to sit on the floor.
Coulee: "What do you want? (bottle open, swail)
Azure: (Stutters) "Hi, I'm a writer, just like you, I cant believe im meeting you, I have to say I'm a huge fan. I'm probably your biggest fan. I mean, you changed my life, your work with the podcast series NDAint's and the change it brought about... It changed my whole life. I'm just so honored to meet you"
Coulee "You tracked me down just to say that? Well you wasted your time, nothing to see here.. I used to be a writer. Look around im noone to look up to.
(Lights another smoke)
Azure: "Used to be?", your podcast won awards, it was the match that lit the flame that brought about great change. The E-race riots. I mean, they were really important. They brought around they brought about the end to pretendians and some big change for the Indian community. Do you know a lot of people really look up to you"
Coulee: (Scoffs) " You know the power they had then, they had lawyers, politicians, professors, they made sure I was discredited as a writer. My own people accused me of lateral violence, I became a national joke. It's been a struggle just to scrape by.
Narrator: Azure walks over to the only trash in the middle of the room, and picks out a trophy from 2024.
Azure: "What is this doing in here?
Coulee: "It's exactly where it needs to be, to remind me that part of my life was trash, you've got five more minutes.
Azure (seriously) "Miss Ross I'm here to offer you some work. We really need you. We have a team of writers and researchers to back you. There's a huge problem facing the Indian community again, and we really need you, your voice and your fire. They're at it again, they found a way to impersonate being indigenous again.
Coulee "Well, that's impossible. We have the NDNA scan. People can't just say they're indigenous now. They require proof and that scan can't be faked.
Azure: "That's the thing Coulee, they're not indigenous and they're passing the scan"
Coulee (Sceptically)" Well, maybe y'all need to just do better research and and figure that out.Like I said, can't beat that technology. After public pressure increased the feds stepped in and mandated the NDNA scans. That's a closed chapter in Indian history now, no more pretendians. Your time's up, listen i dont get involved in this stuff anymore"
Azure:"But please, we really need you"
Narrator: He writes down his number as he exits the apartment
Coulee spend some time writing in the darkness. sirens constantly whizzing around her apartment building, she stands in the cold night air letting it bte her skin. Her smoke drifts up to her landlords tiny homes on the roof. Theyre always complaining about it, she lights another before she venture back inside. Todays meetings you could say, has her a bit agitated, even the drink doesnt seem to dull the pain of those old wounds. She thinks about her time creating the series, receiving national acclaim and then all the backlash. Her tummy growls
(Growl)
Narrator: " Smoke in mouth she heads downstairs and grabs her typical supper, a microwaved bowl of instant noodle soup. She sits outside on the bench and gulfs it down, chasing it with a couple cigarettes. She's just about to head back upstairs when she notices the hollogram talking about some supernatural event theyre calling the great unfolding. Not really her area of expertise, supernatural or biological occurrences but enough to spark her curiousity. Shes walking away when a familiar voice fills the projection. It is the voice of somebody she's very familiar with. The voice of Mrs Daphne Williams. Daphne was the first person that Coulee exposed for fraud in her podcast. Daphne was a lawyer at the time, she kicked up a real dust storm for Coulee, suing her with slander. So what was this old foe doing? Coulee steps closer to the 3d billboard to listen.
Daphne: " Tansi, It is such an honour to stand before all of you today as I humbly announce my candicacy for this years presidential election. As all of you know after I was rigoureslly vetted by the reparations department and the NDNA scan I have worked tirelessly to uplift my Indigenous community since becoming an elected official last year and now tonight before the creator I am thrilled to take a step toward becoming our countries first Indigenous President.
Narrator: Coulee feels heat rise from behind her shoulders up the back of her neck. Her face is flushing as she turns into a hornet....
Coulee knows better than anybody else that Daphne Williams is definitely not an indigenous person and is an imposter. But how on earth has she managed to pass the scan? The NDNA skin is flawless. It uses neutrogenic deoxyribonucleic acid which uses light technology, to solve the countries rampant indigenous identity fraud issue. So how has she done it? Coulee goes up into her apartment and begins to work tirelessly, she works through the night and into the next day. By sunset Azure is back in the apartment.
(eerie music)
Narrator: She reveals what she's found out. She was able to find Daphne's scan and verify its authenticity. Coulee has old connections that work at the reparation center that have verified without a doubt that Daphne's DNA is indigenous. She also pulled up all of her old research into Daphne's heritage and picked it over with a fine tooth comb comb to 100% verify that Daphne is in fact not indigenous. Then she shares with Azure that when checked her old source she came accross an alarming report that a new technology had been invented which allows people to change their genetic information. The rumor is that, since national reparations came about in 2030 which ensures indigenous communities we're at last getting compensations long owed to them, the whites have been searching for a loop hole to exploit the benefits for themselves.
(papers, scans, work sounds, busy team)
Narrator: In the next few weeks the team worked furiously to investigate. Was this the end of indigenous sovereignty? Could whites literally turn themselves indigenous? All of their research led them to this old lab down in some bad part of town. Coulee decided to go there on a breif reacon herself, she was a veteran at this after all. She noticed people coming in and out of the facilities she already had a workaround to this and before you knew it, she'd caused the distraction she needed to get herself inside. It smelled like a hospital. The hair on the back of Coulee's neck stood at edge. She could make out some lab technicians in the distance, and she marveled at all sorts of tech and equipment she'd never seen before. Quickly without being seen she made her way to the research facility and started to transfer their files to Azzure and the team. She smiled as this would expose everything that they were doing. She could hear the lab techs in the other room.
(Beep beep)
Narrator: The file had sent. Today had been a victory.
(Ominous music)
Narrator: As she began to make her way out of the building she was stopped in her tracks by a device. It was locked in a case, it appeared to be some sort of handheld equipment. The case was labeled, gene splicing gun. This was it, the proverbial smoking gun. she reached her hand on the glass, as she pondered the future of all indigenous nations... who was behind creating something like this? It was montrious, she had to leave now, until she heard a familiar voice call her name.
Original Universe creation, composition and production by Coulee Ross, original theme and score by reil 8. These podcasts in the "Something else" universe were brought to you by CFUV. Support indigenous art. I can be contacted via Instagram @the_r.a.p_ directors notes come next.
Thank you for listening. Let's take a big breath. That was heavy content. So indigenous identity fraud is such a big issue in indigenous communities, and it's very complicated. I definitely had several versions of this episode written and decided to start with this one, to begin to address some of the concerns out of a myriad of concerns, and complications that something like this brings. Definitely intentionally chose the title name, as we often call it, cultural appropriation, a better name being cultural identity fraud, but definitely pathologizing it, you know. And then the idea that if this as a pathology in our colonial society, and it's left unchecked, what kind of havoc does it wreak? So that's the energy kind of behind some of the ideas here in this podcast. Quick disclaimer. Any similarities in the story you just heard are purely coincidental, I have to say that for sure, because I don't want to be sued. That would be a real concern,and that segways me pretty nicely into this, the series that I talked about the "NDaint's "as a podcast series that wins national acclaim in this world. Which exposes numerous high profile cases of cultural identity fraud in indigenous communities, and how the reality of that is that (if you did make a podcast like that) you would be potentially facing getting sued, for libel and slander. So yeah, definitely want to say that. And also, if anyone at Canada land or Indian cowboys listening, and they want to pick that up, I have it already written. I've been working on it for years, a full series. Definitely, that would be controversial, but amazing as well, and so this is me precariously living in that way. For all the listeners, there's a lot of issues that come up when we talk about this kind of cultural identity fraud, or "pretendians" or "fake-tis" (I came up with the name, I coined it), and it's not unique to the indigenous community for sure. We see it, actually at huge proportions these days now, beacuse at long last it's finally a little bit uncool to be white. Um, so we do see a lot of folks that no longer want to be white, they want to put something else on and try that on for a while. But with indigenous communities, there are a few issues and concerns and arguments that I have heard over the years, and I did want to take some time to kind of address some of them. Yay, fun. So I have heard the argument consistently around, "If you're an indigenous person and you care".. like I do, for example, and get yourself all caught up in caring about who is indigenous according to colonial constructs (So within North America, the colonial governments decide indigeneity which is like a whole other issue and not so much what we covered here in the podcast, so I won't really get into it), but if I ascribe to caring about that, that I am myself and I am upholding and enforcing these colonial constructs. And so yeah, that argument is very concerning to me, because we don't live in 1491 anymore, we live in a colonised society. And so my options are; to pretend like it's 1491, according to this argument, and colonial systems don't faze me or affect me by sheer willpower, or put my head in the sand and do nothing, while gross atrocities continue to be executed? And so I think that that argument just doesn't have any real legs to stand on. Obviously, I am not a fan of many colonial systems, but my failure to recognise them or to work towards changing them doesn't mean that they don't exist. And so it is an unfortunate reality that we live in, and we have to start thinking of what moving forward looks like, and it doesn't look like in-violence. It doesn't look like putting our head in the sand, it looks like today as indigenous nations pushing for sovereignty and being able to, you know, decide within our own communities, the belonging, because not having that sovereignty for ourselves, is playing out very violently, (you know, and as it would, because the system of colonisation is going to continue to self replicate the violence that it's meant to replicate). And so that's just a little, a little blip there. And the other argument that I hear all the time, too, and I did briefly mentioned it in the podcast is the one about lateral violence. And so the thing about that is, it's not lateral, that's the whole the whole point, the whole point of this argument, and why it's so upsetting to so many individuals is we're not talking about the people who are removed from their communities. You know, we're not talking about the people whose grandparents went to residential schools, and no records were kept. And, you know, and their families were ashamed to be indigenous, and maybe they have like a white parent, we're not talking about those individuals who are trying to reclaim their indigenous identity and get back to that, like those, that's not what the concern is. We understand how that is another mechanism of colonial violence in like assimilating and exterminating indigenous identity. We're talking about how this in itself is a mechanism of exterminating indigenous identity by allowing white people to adopt and appropriate their identity and steal it for themselves. And so that that's what the issue is about. It's not about kin, those that are lateral to us. And so it's not a lateral violence thing. It's about white people, who are not lateral to us, and about their ongoing violence towards us, and in my opinion, this is one of the grossest examples of violence. Like if we had any other examples, you know, and and I won't even make it because it's so tacky to draw, the other very obvious comparison. But indigenous people are living through an active, ongoing genocide, the great dying, actually the biggest loss of human life on the planet, and we're still living through it here in North America and across the world. But we're still living through it here. And then we have, where the people who continue to uphold the system and keep it in power and continue to, you know, take our land away, and disenfranchise us and incarcerate us and continue to perpetuate these systems. We have these people who now can for themselves, take our identity, take our culture, take our teachings, and that's a whole really sick level of violence. Which is you know why I wanted the episode titled and called out as a pathology. I think it definitely demonstrates a pathology within our society, that this is the reality that we live in. And it's a very dangerous one. And so I do think that it's every person's work and concern to undo and unravel this. Yeah, so yeah, not lateral. We're not talking about our kin that are trying to make it back into our communities. We're definitely talking about white people, and stealing our identities for their own ongoing benefit in a system that already has privileged and benefited them so greatly. And, yeah, so just to make that very clear distinction, and then, you know, also, on a quick note, cultural identity fraud it is different, entirely different than someone's own journey of reconnecting towards their ancestors. So you know, and we do live in a world where we have been colonised, and so there are a lot of individuals who have mixed ancestry. They have indigenous ancestry, they have mixed settler ancestry, maybe even mixed Indigenous ancestry. And that's just a reality, and so, a couple of things I want to address is there's a lot of misunderstandings within the within Canada for sure, about the Metis identity. And so I'm just going to clear that up really quickly here. The Metis are a unique identity within Canada, all on their own. And so they have a place, a land place that they recognise as their homelands. They have their own languages, their own dances, their own culture, there are a distinct cultural identity that actually predates Canada being formed as a nation. But if you go on to Google or open up any kind of Webster's Dictionary, you will get a definition that I think continues to perpetuate the harm and the misrepresentation and the misunderstandings within Canada towards the Metis community. It will say something like, vaguely settler, vaguely indigenous equals Metis. And that's not the truth, that's not the reality. There a distinct peoples. And so if you are a Metis from the Red River settlement area, and your families are from that place and time, before you were disenfranchised and dispossessed of your land, by the Canadian government, if you're from that place, you are Metis. You belong to the Metis who had to fight themselves, the old wolves in the 1900s, to have recognition, to have rights. But the government of Canada delivered and continues to deliver that last blow, where now they get to issue out Metis status, and they get to decide. And of course, it's a system of colonisation, so it's always going to replicate the violence it's meant to uphold. And so we have all kinds of peoples who are in fact, not Metis, who have Metis status, and that is very deeply problematic. It's, deeply upsetting. It's the biggest threat to our culture that exists today. And again, it's a culture that our ancestors had to fight tooth and nail for every little bit of recognition and for what they got. So it is shameful, that that's where it stands, but very understandable for the majority of Canadians to be very confused about that misrepresentation, because it's definitely intentional. So yeah, again, if you are from the Red River area, and your your family's from there, you are Metis. You have Metis ancestry. That doesn't mean that you don't have other ancestry, it doesn't mean you couldnt have other indigenous ancestry like myself. You could have other settler ancestry like myself, and so that brings me into the next portion of of the question which brings up identity. And so I just talked about it, but about how for the first time ever being white is uncool. And so, I hear more than ever I hear people introducing themselves as anything, but white. And I understand totally, the need the desire to do that. And also like, you know, what is your identity here? As we use the word settler, you know (I also like the word violent occupier, to each their own) you know, words are very powerful. They hold a lot of meaning, and I do think that the the myth of Canada, and America is pretty sugar coated, and it does cause more harm and continues to cause harm all that sugarcoating. I think, you know, the truth, in my experience is always, that's always the way. And so I am excited for a time when the truth can, come out, and it's allowed to, to breathe. So that scab can start to heal over. But yeah, so back to your identity, so, as an individual, I mean, I believe that you carry your ancestors with you. And so it's really vital, if you do have some indigeneity in your family tree, that you do, reconnect to that part of yourself and carry that ancestors medicine forward. But it's even more vital that you recognise all of your other ancestors and the legacy that they're, that you're carrying forward through them. And you, you're in the position to start to move forward in a healing way, in a truthful way. I know it can be easy for us to want to just cherry pick all the good stuff out, or the stuff that's seemingly convenient, and avoid the shadow stuff. And in our ancestry, and in our culture as well. But that's not going to heal anything for us as a collective nation. And so, definitely, for individuals who are listening to this, I really want you to consider that and, and for example in real life, how that plays out. Like, you find out that maybe you do have some Red River Mertis ancestry a couple 100 years ago, which is you know for your whole life, and your parents whole life, and your grandparents whole life, they were not in any indigenous communities or raised in any kind of Indigenous ways. And so I want you really, really take some stock in that in if you're considering this reconnection journey, as you know, if you're considering taking up space within indigenous spaces. So like, ask yourself the questions. Who is this space for? Does my presence in this space make this space feel unwelcoming? For others? You know, these are really important questions. And so
they're all really unique considerations. You know, I'm not saying that I have the answers for those individuals within their own lives. But it's definitely worth a lot of serious reflection, you know, definitely reflecting upon as a individual with primarily settler or violent occupier ancestry. What are the teachings and practices and the internalised racism and pathologies that you're carrying with you that you might perhaps continue to perpetuate within indigenous spaces? You know, and be very honest with yourself about these realities. Before you apply for the job that has an exception for people with Indigenous ancestry. Really ask yourself those questions. And be very honest because if you're reconnecting to your ancestors, I am proud of you. I am celebrating that for you, but I mean, I am also insisting that you reconnect with all of your ancestors. You know, you're, you're not just indigenous, and it is important that you are. But it's important that you consider the context of the whole picture within Canada, and, and make your make your peace with that, you know, and then you can if, if it's a good choice for you move into these spaces in a good way, you know. So that's something we should all be reflecting upon. But that's not what these podcasts are about, I just wanted to touch on some of the issues. This podcast is about the, the more obvious, the bigger examples, not just an individual's reclamation journey. They're about the white people who knowingly commit indigenous identity fraud or cultural identity fraud, and they take up these powerful positions, as professors, in universities, as lawyers, as individuals in institutions, as singers, making Spotify, playlists, representing Indigenous artists, you know. So those are the individuals that would be under the chopping block in the "NDAint's" episode. Those are the bigger issues, because they not only affect, like public opinion, but they're actively affecting policy, policy that affects indigenous communities. They're writing books and speaking about our culture, and they're changing the future of our culture. It's a horribly violent situation. And it has to come to an end, there has to be something done about it. And it's very unfortunate as well, because speaking within Canada, I imagine America and Central America are very similar. But the majority of Canadians are very insulated. in their communities, the small towns they grew up in, or the cities they live in (noy as much in the larger cities), but they're still very insulated from indigenous communities and indigenous realities and truths. And really, largely, the only exposure they get is propaganda, through, you know, education, an the media. And, and then these, often this misrepresentation through pretendians or fake-tis, which is people who look like them and talk like them and present like them, and give them this made up fairy tale sugar coated version of indigeneity. And that's very dangerous if we're talking about what a sovereign indigenous future looks like, and what true healing looks like and what truth looks like. And so this is a really big problem for all of Canada. And, yeah, so hopefully, that's got everyone thinking and having the discussion and the dialogues within their own communities. And again, like, this is just a story and just my opinions meant to address some of these issues. And again, they're very complicated. I do not speak for other indigenous individuals or for any indigenous nations as a whole. I can only speak to my own truth and experience. And so that's what you just listened to in the story. And in my director's notes, which was really just me rambling. But again, if anyone wants to hear me rambling more in this direction, because I am always happy to ramble about cultural identity fraud, again, because I believe it's the biggest threat to our nation today. Yeah, I, that whole podcast, it could exist "NDAint's" or whatever we decided to call it, if someone wanted to pick me up and do that, it's almost written. So I'll just plug that and yeah, hope you guys share this, pass this around and that you enjoy it. It's been a pleasure to make. And yeah, see you next time. Bye.