Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
You know that sinking feeling when you wake up with a hangover and think: “I’m never doing this again”? We’ve all been there. But what happens when you follow through? Sonia Kahlon and Kathleen Killen can tell you, because they did it! They went from sisters-in-law, to Sisters in Sobriety.
In this podcast, Sonia and Kathleen invite you into their world, as they navigate the ups and downs of sobriety, explore stories of personal growth and share their journey of wellness and recovery.
Get ready for some real, honest conversations about sobriety, addiction, and everything in between. Episodes will cover topics such as: reaching emotional sobriety, how to make the decision to get sober, adopting a more mindful lifestyle, socializing without alcohol, and much more.
Whether you’re sober-curious, seeking inspiration and self-care through sobriety, or embracing the alcohol-free lifestyle already… Tune in for a weekly dose of vulnerability, mutual support and much needed comic relief. Together, let’s celebrate the transformative power of sisterhood in substance recovery!
Kathleen Killen is a registered psychotherapist (qualifying) and certified coach based in Ontario, Canada. Her practice is centered on relational therapy and she specializes in couples and working with individuals who are navigating their personal relationships.
Having been through many life transitions herself, Kathleen has made it her mission to help others find the support and communication they need in their closest relationships. To find out more about Kathleen’s work, check out her website.
Sonia Kahlon is a recovery coach and former addict. She grappled with high-functioning alcohol use disorder throughout her life, before getting sober in 2016.
Over the last five years, she has appeared on successful sobriety platforms, such as the Story Exchange, the Sobriety Diaries podcast and the Sober Curator, to tell her story of empowerment and addiction recovery, discuss health and midlife sobriety, and share how she is thriving without alcohol.
Your sobriety success story starts today, with Kathleen and Sonia. Just press play!
[00:00:00] Hi, we're Kathleen and Sonia and you're listening to Sisters in Sorority. Thanks for being here. I'm Sonia and I'm with my sister in [00:01:00] sorority, actually my sister in law, Kathleen. Kathleen, how are you doing today?
[00:01:04] Kathleen: I'm okay, I'm okay. How are you doing?
[00:01:07] Sonia: I'm okay. I am going to my first book club meeting tonight and This is a throwback, but it is at the bar that I used to go to when I was in college and we would go and underage drink.
[00:01:24] I remember they used to have pictures of hard apple cider and, um.
[00:01:30] Yeah, things never ended up well, I remember once I got my finger stuck in a door and it pulled my nail off, after a night there and so. I'm going to go do it. Right. I'm gonna go do it sober today.
[00:01:42] Kathleen: yes, as you said, I'm going to go do it. Right. I'm like, uh, Sonia, this is sisters in sobriety. What do you mean? Uh, yes, you're doing it. Sober. Excellent.
[00:01:51] Sonia: andI know you're going to think this is cheesy, but today we are talking about sobriety and the significance of celebrating [00:02:00] milestones and honestly, I would say that tonight is a milestone. I haven't been to that bar in. 25, 26 years, and I have certainly never been there sober. So I think when I get home from there tonight, I'm going to have a mocktail or a tea and think how far I have come and how amazing this journey has been but it is good to remember at its core though.
[00:02:27] It's not just about the absence of alcohol It's really a journey of self discovery, healing, and growth. So I go back there tonight a very different person, not just somebody who doesn't drink.
[00:02:41] Kathleen: For sure. You do. I think we all will need a report back on how that goes, but sobriety is meanings can really differ from person to person as we will hear in today's podcast. it can be really shaped by individual experiences and individual struggles and triumphs.
[00:02:58] Sonia: Yeah, so join us today as we [00:03:00] explore the significance of these milestones, sharing stories and insights on how celebrating them can be a powerful tool in recovery. Whether you're marking your first day of sobriety, a year or decades, each milestone is a victory worth celebrating. So let's dive in to the beauty of this journey together and understand that while the path isn't easy, it is incredibly rewarding and worth celebrating.
[00:03:27] Kathleen: Sonia, how would you explain the importance of celebrating sobriety milestones?
[00:03:32] Sonia: Yeah, celebrating the milestones isn't just about marking time. It's really acknowledging. The hard work for me, all the tears and setbacks and ultimately the triumphs you've experienced. So take them as a moment to reflect on how far you've come, the challenges you've overcome, and also to set your sights on the future.
[00:03:52] So these milestones are little spots of light in the journey, reminding us of our strengths and their moments of real [00:04:00] gratitude and a testament to the fact that change is possible_ _What about you? Why do you think celebrating Sprite y milestones is important?
[00:04:07] Kathleen: Well, I'm going to take it from a psychotherapist view for a second, and then I'll, talk about it personally to a bit later, but I think that sobriety milestones can really have benefits to someone's mental health because they can bring, feelings of joy and accomplishment increase in self worth and, that's really vital to someone's total wellbeing as a whole person.also sobriety milestones can really create new positive memories and experiences that can replace negative associations. So, for example, you just gave a great one about you're going to this book club at, a local bar where you used to frequent and it was a messy time when you used to frequent it, but tonight you're even looking at it as a new milestone and it's a, more positive experience.
[00:04:57] So this can really be [00:05:00] important when we're challenging our behaviors or our thought processes associated with substance use. So I think that's a great example of it. When we celebrate a milestone, it is also part of setting short and longterm goals and recovery. And then when we achieve these milestones, I can really boost confidence and self esteem and then can just help you propel you forward.
[00:05:21] How might the significance of sobriety milestones vary amongst our listeners?
[00:05:28] Sonia: Yeah, I think it really depends on what your sobriety means to you and how it's impacted your life. So, for a lot of people like me, really, it was a second chance at life. I don't know if I would be alive today if I hadn't quit drinking. And really for me to discover a purpose without, and joy, without using substances as a crutch for the first time since maybe, I was a teenager.
[00:05:55] So I for other people,be about building healthier relationships, [00:06:00] improving your health. But the common thread is that you're learning how to cope with things in your life with strength and clarity. So milestones can mean different things for different people.
[00:06:10] And the importance of traditional milestones differ for people like dates. Days, years, and we'll talk more about how it's not just about day counting. There are other goals that you're looking to achieve. And those are milestones too, and deserve to be celebrated. What about you? How do you think the significance of sobriety milestones varies for people?
[00:06:32] Kathleen: Well, you mentioned an important thing and when we, we talked about this and you were like, oh, let's do an episode on milestones. And I was like, I don't, I don't have milestones like that. And you were like, no, no, there's different kinds of milestones. And so I, I really did want to think about it a little bit more because milestones, as you mentioned, Aren't necessarily the number of days sober for people, and it might not be measured in days, weeks, or even events.
[00:06:55] so I really think that milestones can be measured by seasons in someone's [00:07:00] life. And so when you reflect back, you can say, oh, well, that was like a season in my life, or, a milestone can be associated with a feeling or, a place of realization or evolution in your own personal development.
[00:07:17] Sonia: So what personal meaning then do sobriety milestones hold for you? We know they're not dates, so how do they impact your journey?
[00:07:26] Kathleen: Yeah, they are not dates and it was on one of our earlier podcasts I actually realized like what my sobriety date was in terms of like my cocaine use and so I Sort of remember the last time I had a drink But I don't know the exact date and I very very much remember when I stopped using drugs again I never celebrated the drink, but it was more about the person I became so I remember that time I remember You know, it's funny because I remember people's birthdays and anniversaries and I celebrate those, but I don't look at it as a [00:08:00] date, but I do remember who I was before and who I was after I stopped using drugs.
[00:08:06] What about you? What, what do sobriety milestones hold for you?
[00:08:14] Sonia: and. It's weird because I'm not really into like dates in general. I don't really get super pumped about like my birthday or other more traditional milestones, but I am really into my sobriety milestones and wait for it, my divorce milestones and,
[00:08:32] My sobriety milestones, like the traditional ones, I do celebrate and I really do. I do reflect around those days andtreat it like a new year's day. And it is a great time to look back on how far I've come and where I want to be next year at this time and close the chapter. And especially with the divorce, close the chapter on certain struggles.
[00:08:54] And so, yeah, and I love a celebration and I love a theme and. I love [00:09:00] having the theme being sobriety. So even if it's just for myself, it's really fun
[00:09:05] Kathleen: So the first few milestones must feel a little scary because you're still figuring out if you can do this, like actually stay sober.
[00:09:13] Sonia: for sure. , I was definitely afraid of making a big deal out of them and then failing what I considered failing a week later, having a
[00:09:21] Kathleen: Yeah, that totally makes sense. Do you remember your first big milestone?
[00:09:26] Sonia: I do so clearly because I was sober, so I would love to share them.
[00:09:31] , So I'm, I'm a date girl, I love that when it comes to milestones and because my drinking pattern was so bad, I drank every day for 10 years.I found that I just needed milestones to keep me motivated and accountable. So my first big milestone was one day, but when I hit one day, I wasn't admitting at that point to anyone that I was trying to get sober or stay sober.
[00:09:58] So I celebrated. By [00:10:00] myself the next morning, and I was just super, super happy that I was able to do it. I was really proud of myself. And then the first one I really acknowledged was two weeks. And that is the first time I indicated to anyone that I was trying to get sober. And I told my brother, I think you remember it.
[00:10:20] I made a joke. I said, I was trying not to draw too much attention. I was like, Oh, I think I should get a chip for this. and in my head I was like, I should get more than a chip for this. This sucked. and so, yeah, that was the first time I admitted that there had been an issue and that I had hit two weeks and was really proud.
[00:10:37] And then the next milestone wasn't a date, but it was going on a trip sober for the first time. maybe ever, and that was when we went to Mexico, and I think I was maybe around four, six weeks sober, I was so scared but super excited to go on this trip because I knew I could get through the trip and it would be huge.
[00:10:56] I knew I could get through the trip because you were there, my brother was [00:11:00] there, and my niece, and none of you guys drank. And so I thought that would be, this is like the ideal first sober vacation and I knew it would be a huge milestone and a turning point. And it was. Always going to be something I could look back on and say, if I can get through that family vacation sober, I can get through any family vacation sober.
[00:11:21] I don't know if you remember there was like a bottle of tequila in the kitchen of the yeah, when we walked in and I remember being like, you've got to be kidding me. yeah, and so the 1st year, I think, is filled with milestones date and event specific. So. The 1st birthday, the 1st, New Year's Eve,
[00:11:38] and then I hit 1 year, which was amazing. And then every year after that, I was super excited for the 1 year anniversary. And then, and then I hit my 5 year and. Something changed and I changed from celebrating dates topersonal milestones.
[00:11:55] And I think that's the thing about milestones. They can change and [00:12:00] the date can become more or less important over time. And in my case, I had to Recapture the date because it was tainted a bit by something super negative that happened the week of my five year anniversary, which was that my husband left and,and I was struggling with my sobriety.
[00:12:16] And so, I think this year in a few weeks, I am going to celebrate that day after skipping it last year.
[00:12:26] Kathleen: that's amazing. So how can you celebrate sobriety milestones in a meaningful way that honors your personal journey?
[00:12:34] Sonia: Yeah, I think it's important to celebrate whatever that means to you. So I celebrate every Thursday night, which is the end of my dealing with humans for the week. and last week I put on these really cute new pajamas. I made a mocktail. I lit some candles and I watched Real Housewives of Beverly Hills in bed on my computer.
[00:12:56] And for me, that is A very specifically [00:13:00] sober celebration because I never used to celebrate the end of a week like that. I used to come home on a Friday, open a bottle of wine. It was like the day I could start drinking anytime I wanted because I deserved it and I would maybe take a bath, which really seems super dangerous right now that I was drinking and taking a bath.
[00:13:19] and I would order food and I would watch something that I wouldn't remember. the next day. So, yeah, the idea of it being personal is so important and it's just a moment to do what you really want. it should be about you. So you need to figure it out what's meaningful for you and it should be fun.
[00:13:36] And it's part of figuring out who this new version of yourself is, is what gives you joy. And celebrating doesn't have to be a traditional celebration, but just a simple way to acknowledge a movement in the direction you want to go what advice do you have for someone who might not feel like celebrating because they're struggling with their sobriety?
[00:13:56] Kathleen: it's okay to not feel like celebrating. I mean, you mentioned that [00:14:00] You know, another personal milestone for youovershadowed your sobriety milestone. And so I think it's okay to not celebrate recovery is complex and there's ups and downs. you have to acknowledge your feelings without judgment and understand that it's a normal part of the process to have these ups and downs.
[00:14:18] So even if you don't feel like celebrating. Take some time to reflect on the progress you have made, recognize that every day of sobriety is an achievement regardless of whether or not it feels like it, because some days it doesn't. And sometimes focusing on One day at a time can be more helpful than thinking of the long term milestones.
[00:14:38] So, concentrate on the milestone of staying sober today and let the future kind of evolve as it needs to, I know you're big on plans and I, I totally agree with that. I think though, because of the ups and downs of sobriety, sometimes it is. That milestone of celebrating it is today.
[00:14:57] Remind yourself why you chose to be sober. [00:15:00] revisiting your initial motivations and goals can reignite that, that commitment to your own recovery. Even if you don't feel like celebrating,
[00:15:09] Sonia: Yeah, so how can milestones help navigate those challenges in sobriety?
[00:15:15] Kathleen: they can demonstrate progress. They can help boost self esteem. They can help you see how far you've come. they can help push you forward. And there are such positive things about milestones and moments in time that you see that shift in yourself and you can celebrate that.
[00:15:35] and they can also remind you that you can do hard things. You can do hard things. How can sharing sobriety milestones be a positive experience?
[00:15:47] Sonia: Yeah, so I love telling my nieces my milestone. So I think a couple weeks ago I hit 2500 days and I feel like it gives them something tangible and I like drawing attention to my [00:16:00] sobriety in a positive way for them instead of my typical like you should never drink. I was a disaster. I could have died. Um, and it's a really great way to share the lesson in a less.
[00:16:10] Pushy way and a more fun way and also for your sober community it's an amazing way to give and get inspiration. I love when people share their 10 days sober achievements with their group or they went to their first wedding sober and um, I heard something this morning that was so nice, which is the way to keep your sobriety is to give it away.
[00:16:35] Kathleen: Hmm, I love
[00:16:37] Sonia: Yeah, to share it.
[00:16:38] Kathleen: Well, that's what we're doing here. So, tangible milestones are amazing for sharing with your loved ones, clearly.
[00:16:44] Sonia: Yeah, for sure. You're more into those non tangible milestones. So I would love to hear about some of those. And could you tell us about them?
[00:16:53]
[00:16:56] Kathleen: for sure. I am into more I guess non [00:17:00] tangible milestones. And so for me. I think back in my life and I look at it as seasons. So I remember huge shifts in my life, but not dates. So for example, in my late teens and early twenties I remember it being a very heavy drinking and experimental drug use stage.
[00:17:17] Mid twenties to thirties was It's like the heavy cocaine use and significant drinking and then, then huge shift. I can just picture it almost in my mind as the before and the after this. And then there was no longer drugs, minimal drinking. And then I see in my mind, the season of being married to your brother and then having my daughter and then my divorce.
[00:17:42] And honestly, the only reason I remember the date of my, my separation actually is because another important milestone falls on that day, a positive one. So I barely think about my separation date anymore when it rolls around just the other milestone. but for me. I guess the most [00:18:00] significant shift was when I went away and did my yoga teacher training, and it was sort of like my unintentional rehab that I went on.
[00:18:09] And I just, I remember just being such a different person before that and then after that and I'm, I'm became who I am meant to be. I became more of my true self. I also can see a milestone in my divorce as well. And I really reflect that I could have gone two ways. I could have gone down a different path after my divorce and then I chose a different way and I, I really have seen the evolution of who I am as a person.
[00:18:38] So for me, that's another milestone as well. And so, yeah, I, I measure my. Progress by seasons and more of like stages of life, I think. And it doesn't mean that the dates aren't important. They just don't hold as much meaning for me.
[00:18:55] Sonia: can you talk to us a little bit about [00:19:00] ways to set personal goals as part of celebrating your sobriety milestones?
[00:19:05] Kathleen: Yeah. goals are also really unique. So for the individual, so yes and no, I can, I can share some ways, but I'm just going to say that. for example, some people may have heard of SMART goals, which are the acronym stands for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. So they can be helpful.
[00:19:27] lots of people do them, especially in corporate environments, even in personal environments. Listen, I know, even from a therapy lens, like when I was in school, we learned SMART goals, but SMART Smart goals are not for everybody and they may not resonate with everybody. I've also heard of the whoop goal, which is probably more aligned to who I am, which just starts with a wish.
[00:19:48] So the wish for a goal or outcome that excites you. And if it excites you, it's worth going for, the outcome. This is so important to picture the outcome and the specifics of what you want to [00:20:00] achieve. I. I definitely work with my clients to picture themselves in detail, living the life they want to live.
[00:20:08] the second O in whoop is the obstacle. So what obstacles may stand in the way and I, and prepare to remove them. So I even will guide people through visualizations of seeing the obstacle come up and then moving around it or through it. And then plan. You love this one. Put a plan in place and connect the dots from here to your outcome.
[00:20:29] So there can also be, short term, long term goals. I personally, I set weekly goals. I set monthly goals. I set three month goals. I set yearly goals I, that I, it's funny how I do that by date. but I don't celebrate milestones necessarily by date, but. Yeah, there are just different ways to set goals.
[00:20:49] And so I would encourage listeners to try on different ways and see what works for them best. but I will say too, goals are really important. They are [00:21:00] important. I think of when we don't have a goal, it's like going on a road trip with no destination, which can be fun for. Some of the time, but not forever.
[00:21:11] So let's say you're like, Oh, I want to drive from the East coast to California and you don't have a map. I mean, how are you going to get there? That's, and I mean, a map as in GPS people. So what are some non traditional milestones you think are worth celebrating in recovery?
[00:21:31] Sonia: Yeah. So I, I definitely think those personal goals are super important and I know I'm very attached to the numbers and like quantifying, but I am working on that. I know you love hearing about my divorce, but last week you remember I said to you, I feel like I have 80 percent of the life I want since the divorce,
[00:21:47] So now I'm working on the other 20%, but I need to work on more qualifying it, not quantifying it. what is the _other 20%?_ and another personal goal for me was I didn't have a craving today or I [00:22:00] didn't have a craving this week. another one, and I do this pretty often is committing. To developing a new tool to deal with my anxiety, and I think that's a great goal for anyone and joining a sober community and engaging with other people is another awesome goal to have because it can be really daunting, and it may take a few tries to find the right group.
[00:22:21] So setting it as a goal can be really helpful for accountability.
[00:22:26] Kathleen: hmm.
[00:22:27] Sonia: what do you think about the role of gratitude in celebrating sobriety milestones, and how do you practice it?
[00:22:33] Kathleen: Oh my gosh. Can we do a whole episode on gratitude? Because I, gosh, I love gratitude so much. It is, well, I'm going to say this,plays a significant role in, in sobriety milestones, but I am going to venture to say that gratitude actually has a significant role in living a good life, to be honest, like overall, just a good life.
[00:22:56] gratitude can help shift our focus on what's missing in our [00:23:00] lives to what is here and what is valuable and what is here in the right now. So this can shift, emotions to emotions like joy and contentment and satisfaction, especially around sobriety milestones?
[00:23:13] gratitude can also build resilience. more grateful people actually usually engage in a more healthy lifestyle, healthy behaviors, and they're motivated to maintain their sobriety and overall well being, how has your perspective on celebrating milestones changed since the beginning of your sobriety journey?
[00:23:34] Yeah, so my perspective has changed a lot. also, my life has changed a lot in the past 7 years, probably more than any other period. I can remember and that's not by accident, but it's because I got sober. I still feel like the days, years, milestones, it keep me accountable and during my wait for it divorce.
[00:23:57] I had a really hard time staying [00:24:00] sober and I remember telling myself you've got 5 years and you are not going to quit now. So I felt really grateful. For being able to be 5 years sober, and that was actually from going to meetings and hearing about the struggles of early sobriety that other people were facing.
[00:24:17] And so I would say that gratitude and accountability. That part has become more important in the actual dates. Less important and those non tangible milestones are More important. So when I'm in Toronto, I go out a lot more. I go to bars and restaurants and events. And so I have a little mini celebration every time I get home from things like that.
[00:24:43] And so usually I'll have a mocktail or some sort of chocolate. And that happened last week. I, I accidentally went bar hopping with a girlfriend of mine from college. And. It was amazing because each place had tons of mocktails, but [00:25:00] that feeling of coming home sober and thinking This is amazing.
[00:25:05] And I put on this song that I listen to when I'm feeling proud of myself and I danced around a bit.
[00:25:11] What resonated with you today?
[00:25:13] Oh gosh, so much. okay. First of all, I just want to say I did not know how tied to the numbers you are. I I knew that you like celebrating milestones, but like. Oh, my God, she were really tied to the numbers and I guess what resonated with me is we're so different in that way.
[00:25:32] So I actually have the thought is my sobriety is strong. I did, I'm serious. Cause I'm so not that way to tie it to that. But I think what resonated with me is just the sheer fact that we, have different kinds of milestones and that they're still relevant and they're still important and they still get us to our ultimate goal of maintaining our sobriety.
[00:25:54] So I think that's what resonated with me the most. What about you?
[00:25:57]
[00:25:57] Sonia: What resonated with me is that I [00:26:00] The same thing, which is, I think I am too focused on the dates, milestones, and I really do have a lot of non tangible milestones that I should be celebrating.
[00:26:13] I'm going to start focusing on the quality of my sobriety and not the quantity of my sobriety. And that was something I learned when we were preparing for this episode. I had an inkling. And then just from talking to you, I realized
[00:26:29] There are so many beautiful non dates to celebrate as milestones in sobriety.
[00:26:36] Kathleen: Thank you so much for listening to Sisters in Sobriety and we'll see you next week for season two, where our first guest will be family therapist, Samantha Barnes, who is going to talk to us about how alcohol use disorder affects our family dynamics. [00:27:00]