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You’re tired.
Not just physically; though yeah, that too.
You’re tired in your bones. In your soul.
Trying to be a steady husband, an intentional dad, a man of God… but deep down, you feel like you’re falling short. Like you’re carrying more than you know how to hold.
Dad Tired is a podcast for men who are ready to stop pretending and start healing.
Not with self-help tips or religious platitudes, but by anchoring their lives in something (and Someone) stronger.
Hosted by Jerrad Lopes, a husband, dad of four, and fellow struggler, this show is a weekly invitation to find rest for your soul, clarity for your calling, and the courage to lead your family well.
Through honest stories, biblical truth, and deep conversations you’ll be reminded:
You’re not alone. You’re not too far gone. And the man you want to be is only found in Jesus.
This isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about coming home.
I had a moment this week where I didn't really fall into sin, but the, the path that I was on felt like the same paths I've taken before where I've fallen into sin. If I could just say it that way. Uh, this is hard for me. I'm, I'm my chest. I can feel my chest kind of tightening up here as I'm trying to tell you this story 'cause, um, it feels kind of vulnerable.
And I don't like my behavior here.
If you're watching on YouTube or Spotify, I apologize in advance for looking like, um, I just got beat up by a baseball bat from a homeless man. That doesn't even make sense, but, uh, I just look like a wreck. I look tired, man. I'm just looking at myself. I'm tired looking and my hat has been chewed by my dog.
My shirt is completely stained and dirty. Um, Layla and I got in a little tiff last night. Little, uh, little disagreement, a little, you know, marriage is hard. Anytime I hear a couples say. Um, they have, they're not fighting or they don't fight, or they're not, you know, I guess, you know, fighting can be, if you're constantly fighting, that can be unhealthy and, you know, you gotta work through figuring out the, the core issues there.
But if you're not, if you're not, um, I don't know, battling it out, that's, that's too intense. If you're not, if you're not having some disagreements, um. I don't know. You, you may be avoiding some stuff. I don't even know if what I'm saying is true or if I'm just justifying where I'm at. Um, but when you have deep conversations and you, you're leaning into your own sin and you're, you're dying to yourself and you're trying to sacrifice your own needs and wants and desires for the sake of someone else, it's just feels inevitable that you're gonna come across 'em.
Some stuff, man, you are sinful. Your spouse is sinful, and two sinful people living together under the same roof. Then you throw in some kids who are just loud and disobedient. And, uh, finances and jobs and you know, just there, there's gotta be some kind of disagreement. So I'm always skeptical when people tell me that their marriage, they don't have that, you know, someone's not saying something, I guess is what I'm trying to say.
So that's why I look, I didn't sleep well last night. You know, whenever Layla and I get into a little tiff, a little something, something, um, I never sleep well and so I look tired. But my emotions are raw and whenever my emotions are raw, I'm trying to be vulnerable and, um, not perform. And so I just wanted to hop on the podcast here.
If I could be vulnerable on a Wednesday afternoon at 1:48 PM if that's okay with you. I'm just gonna be a little bit vulnerable with you for a second here. Um, I had a moment this week where I didn't really fall into sin, but I was on. The, the path that I was on felt like the same paths I've taken before where I've fallen into sin.
If I could just say it that way. Um, so I'm at Home Depot and, um, I'm trying to return an item which I do not have a receipt for, and that already kind of feels weird, you know, I feel like, um, I'm standing in line and I feel like I'm gonna have to explain some stuff and just having to explain some stuff.
Bringing up these feelings of like, I, I hope they believe me. And that thought of, I hope they believe me, triggers some flags in my brain of, um. Are you telling the full truth? Are you trying to convince somebody to believe you? You know what I'm saying? Like you can probably see where I'm going with this is it's, it's hitting these, it's ringing these bells, it's hitting these reminders.
I've gone down these paths before and I've had to say things like, I hope I can convince them to believe me, or something like that. And so as a guy who's trying his best to be a truth teller, I'm standing in Line Hope Depot. I don't have a receipt. I'm, this is a totally legitimate purchase. Um, this product came from Home Depot.
I'm returning it to Home Depot. I just don't have a receipt for it. And, uh, and so I'm standing in line and there are two people. Um, at the, uh, cash registers at doing the customer service for the returns. One of them, and I apologize sir, if you are listening, look kind of like a grumpy old man. I'm sorry sir.
If you work at Home Depot and you're listening, the other person was like a young. Bubbly woman. And so in my thinking, I thought I could probably go through this process without a receipt easier with her than I can with him. And uh, so again, I, I'm being very vulnerable here and I apologize, or I don't actually, I think to myself, I want to, I hope that I, she's the one that's going to involve this transaction.
'cause I think I can probably get through this easier with her. And, uh, so now I've ki I, I feel like I've kind of taken a couple steps towards not behavior that I like in myself. So I get up there and, uh, and I go through, I tell her, I got this product. I don't have a receipt. Um, you know, and it's no big, it's literally no big deal.
Like she, she, it's like she's done this a bazillion times before. It's no big deal. But I, in myself, this is hard for me. I'm, I'm. Chest. I can feel my chest kind of tightening up here as I'm trying to tell you this story. 'cause um, it feels kind of vulnerable and I don't like my behavior here. So I think to myself, um, if I talk to her, um, then I might distract her and she won't ask me a lot of questions about why I don't receipt, have a receipt.
And I, dude, I'm acting like a criminal who's stolen a bunch of stuff. And so. I say something like, oh, it's super busy here today. She's like, oh yeah, it's busy here. You know, just blah, blah, blah. It's very small talk. Um, anyway, the transaction ends and it ends fine, and I get a store credit and I walk out of there.
And dude, I felt icky, if I'm totally honest. I felt icky. My heart raced and, um. I just, and there's a conviction in my soul that like, everything about that didn't feel right. It did not align with the kind of man that I'm trying to be. Um, I think if I'm totally honest, I used my personality. I used, um, my ability to talk and communicate and this ability that God's given me, which is the gift that I'm trying to use right now in front of you with this microphone.
But I use that same gifting. For my own selfish desires. Was it sinful? No. Was it on the path? Were those same, could those same behaviors be used in sinful ways? Yes. Have they been used in sinful ways In my life? Yes. That's true. That is a confession to you. And so because of that, I felt not. Right. And that day I happened to be, um, I do a bunch of side work.
Just to try to, you know, we got four kids and raising kids and a family's hard and it's expensive. And so, uh, I do the side work where I make videos for products and services. You, you may have seen 'em on Instagram or social media. A lot of these companies will ask me to promote a product or endorse a product or service, and I'll do it, I'll make a quick video and it's, it's very small kind of side, side hustle thing.
And um, and some of the times in these videos, they'll ask me to say something. That isn't really true. Um, this product changed my life and I'm like, no, I, it, I mean, it's fine. It's cool, but it didn't change my life. You know what I'm saying? And, uh, so that sometimes they'll, they'll ask me to say that, and I've been trying to, before I would just be like, whatever.
I'm, I'm ki I feel, I kind of feel like I'm paid actor. Like I'm just saying whatever I need to say. But now I'm like, okay, I need to say that. How do I say this with integrity. Um, if somebody's gonna come across this video where, where they. I'm saying it with integrity, you know, and I'm really, I'm just, my soul is so sensitive to just saying what's true and not exaggerating, and is it truthful?
And so then I, dude, I come out of this Home Depot and now I'm kind of having this little panic attack. Like, well, shoot, did I lie today? And I've been telling the dad tired, guys that I haven't lied. I've been telling my wife I haven't lied. Did I lie, did I lie by saying that I, this is, uh, that something changed my life.
And I'm like replaying scripts in my head. And, uh, dude, so my soul is just feeling all kinds of like, stirring and I get home and, uh, she's like, Hey, how'd it go? And I just sit her down. I'm like, listen, uh, I feel Layla and I are a spot where there is a radical honesty. Radical honesty. If there's something in my spirit that does not feel right, I immediately want to tell her about it.
And so I just told her. I'm like, um. Here's what happened at Home Depot. I purposely chose the girl over the guy. Like I was hoping for the girl over the guy. I think I used my personality, um, to get what I want. Um, all, all of it just didn't feel right. And then, and I said, and then on the way home I'm thinking about these scripts for these products and services I'm doing.
And uh, and I just didn't feel, I said, none of this is the kind of behavior that I want to have. Did I sin? No. I, I don't think you could look at anything I did in those, those in instances and say, oh, Jared was sinning. Um, did I lie? No. But again, were these the same behaviors that I could have used to sin in the past and could potentially in the future?
The, if I'm honest with myself, and I'm not trying to wiggle out. Yes, the answer is yes. And so, um, I confessed that to her and, uh, I think it was hard for her to hear. She didn't like hearing that, you know, but she, she said, thank you for sharing that and being honest with me about that. And, uh, I had to reassure her, you know, this is not, I don't wanna be that kind of man.
I don't want to use my personality to get things that I want. I don't, you know, I just, um, I wanna be a truth teller. I'm committed to being truth teller. And, um, and so I'm, I'm sorry that I even stepped on the road of things where I, I could have sinned in the past. Hey guys. Pardon the interruption. Uh, two quick things I wanna tell you about, ways that you can get involved with Dad Tired.
First off, uh, we have our dad tired retreat coming up in September. We only have 400 spots available for that, and I think. We have, I, I don't know, around 50 guys so far signed up. Usually those will fill up before we, um, get to that date. And there is a cutoff date. I can't remember what it's probably should know that somewhere.
I think. Uh, may, June, June-ish. July. I don't know. I'm making things up, but just sign up so that you don't miss a spot. I just had somebody reach out recently and say that they're bringing, their church is bringing like 26, 29 guys or something like that. So spots will fill up. Um, and I want you to be there.
I'm gonna be there. Chris is gonna be there. Caleb's gonna be there. Jackson, who's been the leading worship for us, for all the dad tired retreats will be there. It'll be great. It'll be a lot of fun. So make sure you sign up for that. If you go to dance hair.com, click the retreat tab. If you're coming by yourself and you're like, um, I'm not coming with a church with 29 guys, and I feel super intimidated.
Don't. That happens every year. We always have guys travel solo from around the country and world. And they end up having a great time and you're with like-minded guides and it's great. Don't stress. Plus, I'll be there and I'd be happy to hang out with you and meet you and shake your hand and all that stuff.
So sign up for that. Um, secondly, as you've heard in the last couple weeks, we are trying to catch up on fundraising. I always, I suck at fundraising. I'm not very good at this. But we also missed our fundraising last December because I was gone. Doing my deep intensive healing stuff. And so, um, we're just way behind to be honest with you, and we would love for you to help us out to catch up.
You can do that also by going to dad tire.com. Either make a one-time donation or with super helpful, it's become a monthly donor. That way we can kind of plan month to month financially. Alright, that being said, let's, let's jump back into the episode. Um, a couple weeks ago we talked about sitting in your pain and not numbing it all of hi habitual sin as essentially a form of numbing your pain, whatever the, whatever your habitual thing is.
Alcohol, drugs, prescription drugs, tv, social media, pornography, blah, blah, blah, all the things, um, whatever, whatever it is, all of it really is a coping me mechanism to help you deal with past pain, current pain, or future pain. My brain feels pain and I don't want to feel it, so let me numb out a little bit.
And so we talked about how do we. Kinda sh how do we as men start to find healing and just first recognize I'm, I think I'm hiding some pain here. I think I'm trying to numb out my pain. That's a huge step. If you as a man could just start to say, Hey, every time I do this, I'm not really just having a couple beers.
I think I'm actually trying to numb away some stress. I'm not really trying to catch a couple extra hours at work. Um, I, I think I'm trying to avoid my wife and my kids. I'm not really just trying to relax, um, because I've had a hard week. I think I'm numbing out some stress that I probably. Should be dealing with whatever the thing is.
Um, and we all have a thing, by the way. Everyone's got their thing, everyone's got a coping mechanism. Hopefully we're as healed men, we're moving towards things that are more healthy. Healed then these destructive coping mechanisms or even coping me mechanisms that society says, oh yeah, that's super fine and super normal.
But we know in our gut, and dude, you know, you know in your gut. I, I, I know and I know, you know, it's like this is not actually right. I'm not really. This isn't as innocent as I'm making it out to be. And so we talked about that and we talked about sitting in our pain, sitting in the uncomfortable feelings, asking ourselves, what does it look like to just sit in this pain for a little bit and, and be honest and curious about it.
What am I really trying to hide here or cover up? I had a listener, one of you guys reach out and you asked me a good question. You said, how do you know the difference between numbing out and self-care? Life is busy and it's chaotic and it's stressful. And sometimes I do need to just take some time to myself.
Um, go play 18 or nine rounds of golf, just watch TV for a minute because my brain is just exhausted. Um, you know, so how do we, how do I know when I'm like, I'm, I'm in self-care mode. And when I'm in, um, numbing mode. And I thought that was such a good question and um, one that you might be asking. So I wanted to introduce something that I'm learning and I've learned and kind of therapy stuff that I've done.
If you're just jumping in the podcast, if today's your first day, welcome. My name is Jared. I am a recovering, I. Everything. Uh, I've got all kinds of messed up stuff that I've been working through specifically the last five months I've, I've been really trying to come face to face with my own sin, not be a performer, look at all my old ways and habits and say, I don't want to be this kind of man anymore.
I want to be a disciple of Jesus, and I'm willing to do it at all costs, even if it cost me my marriage. Even if it costs me everything, if it costs me this job, if it costs me everything I love, I want to be able to sleep well at night, look at myself in the mirror with pride. What does a gain a man to profit the whole world and lose his soul?
And I can just tell you honestly, if this is your first time jumping into the podcast, I came to a point in my life fair fairly recently where I said, I'm either going to end it or I'm going to find real hope and healing and help. Uh, that's where I'm at. I decided not to end it and I decided to find this healing and, um.
Um, and that's where I, I've just jumped into the podcast back in after, you know, I've been doing this for nearly a decade. Just jump back in and I'm trying to be as honest as I can. I just came out of a bunch of intensive therapy. One of the things that they taught me in this therapy was this idea if you've gone through any kind of recovery stuff.
So if you've gone to any kind of Alcoholics Anonymous or um, narcotics Anonymous or any kind of addiction. You might have a sex addiction or whatever it might be. Um, they, in the recovery world, and I, I had never heard this before, there's this idea of circles and you'll hear people say like, um, I'm, I'm, I'm in my middle circle, or I'm in my, the outer circle.
Um, or I'm. I'm, I'm in the inner circle. This is inner circle behavior, and so if you've never heard that, I want to explain a little bit to you what that means, what I've learned about that, and how it might be helpful for you on your own healing journey. So essentially what, and I'm gonna ask you to kind of like, at least, at the very least, do a mental exercise.
Um, at most, like if you want to be a good student here, not that I'm a great teacher, but if you wanna be a student, you can like, try to get out like a piece of paper and a pen. Uh, it's really good to draw this out or write it out. If you don't have that, you know, use your phone. You can use that to just use the notes app or whatever.
But essentially you're outer cir. Think of three circles. Uh, I think it's called concentric when they're like an outer circle. One inside of it, one in the middle. Is that a concentric circle or is it con? I'm not sure. Uh, three circles. Okay. So your outer circle, this is all behaviors that you really like about yourself, that if you were doing these things every day.
Um, you'd be like, man, I'm living a really solid, healthy life. So just write don't, don't write, um, all the things that you wish you were doing. Um, how should I say this? Or, don't write the things that you don't be afraid to write the things that you wish you were doing. That's what I meant to say. So that you could just say, like, if I were reading the Bible daily, daily time in the word that would, I would feel really good about myself if I were taking a walk.
Every day. I'd feel really good about myself. If I were doing check-ins, intentional check-ins with my wife, that would be awesome. That would be a great way to live. If I worked out every day, that would be great. Just start writing and come like just, if you need to pause the podcast, pause the podcast and just start writing out everything that's like, dude, if I'm at my optimal following Jesus, being the kind of husband I want to be, being the dad I want to be.
This is what my behaviors would look like on a daily or weekly basis. And, uh, maybe, I mean, I'm just gonna keep rattling off some stuff here. Maybe you wanna spend more time outside, less times on, less time on a screen. So try to make it specific and not necessarily behaviors you don't want to do, but behaviors you do want to do.
So walking out, getting outside, having some fresh air for 20 minutes a day, spinning 10 minutes in prayer a day, um, reading a chapter of a book every day I'm cooking a meal. Um, these are all things like when you, when you're thinking through, okay, I, when I'm in my healthiest, these are things I wanna do.
So that would be your outer circle. This is called outer circle behaviors. They're good behaviors, they're things you really want to do. This is healthy, healed, even like soothing behaviors. This is totally okay. Reading a book. I feel super stressed at work. I'm just gonna go home, sit down on the front porch instead of scrolling or having a couple beers, or looking at porn or doing whatever.
I'm just going to read a chapter of a book instead of on the way home listening to music that probably isn't edifying. Uh, I'm going to, um, sit in silence and pray. I. You know, these are the things that you would do if you're healthy. So just, just put those out and those can be very soothing. Like that healthy, that's healthy, soothing behaviors.
It makes you a better man. If you did these kind of things every day, you would, um, you would start to become a more healthy and healed man. Okay, so that's Outer circle, inner circle, or I'm sorry, middle circle. This is the one inside of it. Um, these are what I described at the beginning of this podcast.
They're not necessarily sinful things, but. You have taken a step into the road of pretty destructive things. So another way you can think about it's is outer circle being your green circle. Middle circle being your yellow circle. Yellow getting cautious should probably slow down here. And then we'll get to the inner circle, which is red.
So this yellow circle, the, the, the middle circle. These are behaviors that, again, that aren't necessarily bad if you did them. It's not like, oh my gosh, your marriage is over. You're the worst man ever. Whatever. Um, none of these are that, by the way. But, you know, they're, they're cautious behaviors. And for me, lemme just tell you some of them, um, I've mentioned some in the last few weeks on the podcast, if I'm scrolling Zillow, I am in my middle circle.
I call that middle circle behavior. Why? Because I'm numbing out, I'm checking out. This is the difference between self-care and checking out, numbing out. I don't need to look at Zillow. I have a fine house. I live in a great neighborhood. My neighbors are nice. I really like them. Um, our kids like it here.
There's zero reason for me to think about moving. So if I'm just mindlessly looking at houses in other states, what I'm doing is I'm actually escaping. I'm, I'm numbing out. Have I sinned? No, nobody's gonna look at me and say, oh my gosh, Jared's on Zillow. Like this guy, he's, he's off the deep end, you know, none of that.
But, um, I'm starting to escape. Another one would be, um, I'm eating an entire sleeve of Oreos, which. In full transparency, I can do zero problems. Like it's not even, I don't even have to think about it. I could go down right now and what's worse bro, is I will do it when the kids go to sleep. I will tuck them in and I'll walk downstairs and I'll open the pantry and I will sneak it.
Uh, you wanna talk about sinful behavior, man? Uh, is it sinful? No. Is anyone gonna look at me and be like, bro, you ate a sleeve of Oreos? Like, will, will they be sending No. Will they be judging For sure. Does my wife, yes, she judges me. Um, but this is, what am I doing? I'm, I'm probably medicating some kind of pain.
Something uncomfortable with sweets. I, dude, one time, can I just go on a tangent real quick here? Um. One time I was, I was young and I was on staff for this church and this pastor. I was probably like 19 years old. And this pastor gave this huge buildup of how, like he was about to confess some sin from stage.
And bro, the audience was on the edge of their seats. We were like, oh my gosh, this dude is about to confess in front of all of us as sin. And I'm 19 years old and I'm doing some sinful stuff. Okay. And so I'm like. Finally, I'm on staff at a church. I've got my own guilt and shame. I'm like, okay, finally, let's let the juice loose.
As I like to say, let's, uh, if that's an inside joke between me and my friend, uh, like, would that, I probably shouldn't even explain that. Uh, it's not inappropriate, it's just, you know, like what juicy things do you have to say? And so we would say things like, let's let the juice loose. It's stupid. I don't know why we say the word middle schoolers.
Um, so anyway, so he's about to confess this sin, and I'm like, okay, let's get after it, bro. What do you have for us? And his big confession was that he eats too many sweetss. And bro, the, the letdown of all letdowns. I'm like dealing with real sin in my life. And this guy hypes it up for 20 minutes in the, in his message that he's gonna tell us his sin.
And his sin is that he eats too many sweetss. Like you, you take a few too many bites of dessert. I'm like, come on, dude. So I'm, I'm telling you that because as I'm telling you about eating Oreos, I don't want you to think like Jared's got, wow. This is Jared. This is Jared being vulnerable. Oh, okay. You're not gonna lie.
You're gonna be this big, vulnerable, authentic dude. You eat a sleeve of Oreos. Wow. Uh, it, bro, I promise you my sins are way deeper. But what I'm doing, I, I'm, I'm recognizing that this pattern of behavior, this kind of out of control, um, get whatever I want, give any desire that I want to, my flesh, um, starts with things like.
Eating a sleeve of Oreos. So for me, if I'm, if I'm eating more than three Oreos, I know I'm in middle circle. That was a long explanation. I apologize, but hopefully that was helpful. Um, what, let's see, what else is on? Okay, here's one that's on my middle circle. Um, yellow behavior, if I eat standing up. Now you might be like, what the heck?
Why would, how does that make sense? This happened to me sometime in the last few days. I was eating in the kitchen. I had made the kid our family dinner, and I'm kind of dishing everyone, people, kids are in and out playing, and my wife's doing her thing, and so I'm just like. Quickly dishing up. And, uh, and so I'm standing in the kitchen eating dinner off a paper plate for me, not the paper plate thing necessarily.
That's, you know, whatever. Um, but me standing up while eating is middle circle. And I'll tell you why, because for me, outer circle behavior is slow relational moments. If I'm eating slow dinners with people I love, I'm in my. Outer circle behavior, behaviors that I want to do every day. And so if I'm eating rushed dinners while standing, I'm probably not having deep relationship.
I'm not, probably not looking my kids in the eye, which by the way, I was not, I was not having a deep, meaningful conversation with my wife. Why? Because I'm standing, I'm trying to cook, I'm trying to clean, I'm trying to get too much done, instead of just pausing in the moment and enjoying the food that God has given me, and enjoying the people that God has given me, given me to enjoy and given me to love and given me to invest in.
So me standing while eating is middle circle behavior. Um, any type of this could be for you. Um, scrolling social media might be middle circle. So anyway, I've, I've rambled too long. I think you get the point. Middle circle. Just pause the podcast. If you need to pause the podcast and just write down like, what is it?
In your middle circle, what kind of things? Yellow light behaviors. Not sinful, but these aren't your outer circle. These aren't the way things that you want to be doing every day. If you see yourself doing this, you know, you've stepped on the path to probably going down. I. The wrong direction. Hey guys, last interruption, I promise.
Um, one of the things I have on my middle circle is scrolling the news. It just takes me in a bad place mentally. Maybe that's you. Maybe you feel like you just don't wanna watch the news or you're not watching the news, but you still wanna stay informed. Um, there's actually an app and our newest sponsor called World Watch News, and they are awesome.
It's actually made for kids, but I'll go on there just to catch up and see what's happening around the world. But you can also have your kids listen to it so that they can get a better perspective of. What's happening in the world without all the political slants? It's faith-based. They embrace journalistic integrity.
They're not talking about political or doctrinal issues. Um, you can feel good as a parent. You can let your guard down knowing that their content is dependable and safe for children. Helps the kids explore the world and their news is designed, especially for kids. Their emphasis is giving kids a richer understanding of the world around them through the lens of the gospel and through God's design.
So they, everything that they talk about, their pointing back to, um, God is in control. And that is the posture that they take, which I'm a big fan of. You can get 90 days for free by going to World Watch News slash Dad Tired again, that's World Watch News slash Dad Tire. Alright, now we get to let the juice loose.
The juicy stuff here. Uh, your, your inner circle, your red light behaviors. These are now you've gone out of your green light, you've. Played around in the yellow light and now you are in the full red. And now this is, and this is hard stuff man. You have to ask yourself, um, what kinds of behaviors in my life would I do that would make me feel like this is not at all the kind of man I want to be?
I don't wanna do this. If I'm doing this, I am not operating as the kind of man I want to be for myself. I'm not the kind of disciple right now that Jesus would call me to be. I'm not the kind of husband that my wife needs me to be. I'm not the kind of dad that my kids need me to be. And so you have to be honest with yourself.
This is, this might be, this is true for, uh, you know, individually. Um, there are things that a lot of guys in middle circle, um, as you would imagine getting drunk might be a inner circle. Behavior. So you might say things, it's like, you know, if I'm not drinking, I'm actually in my outer circle. I am, um, completely sober minded.
Middle circle might be the, for you, maybe a beer. It might be two beers, you know, whatever your tolerance is or whatever you, wherever you theologically landed on that. Okay? So if you, if you're having a beer, or maybe you might say, if like, I'm drinking alone, um, that's middle circle behavior for her. I've told you a couple weeks ago, alcohol isn't really my thing.
I'm a lightweight. I feel sick. Although I did have a beer last night, taco Tuesday, and felt fine. Uh, man, okay, get distracted. So maybe a beer by yourself. Um, or drinking by yourself. That might be middle circle behavior. Did you get drunk? No. Is anyone gonna say you sin? No. Middle circle, maybe your inner circle is getting drunk.
I have crossed the line. I have gone from like, oh, it's fun to have a glass of wine with my friends at dinner, to I am drinking a six pack by myself just to numb out pain. That is, that is not the man that I want to be. Um, things like pornography, um, if I'm looking at porn, I'm not becoming the man. I'm not operating within my values.
I'm not operating in the way that God has designed me to be. I'm not honoring myself. I'm not honoring God. I'm not honoring my wife, and I'm not honoring my kids. This is not the kind of man that I want to be. So porn, but then you think through, okay, so what is Middle Circle behavior? Well, it might be social media.
Dude, I know a lot of guys, if I could just speak honestly, um, been there myself, man, I'm just going to keep trying to be vulnerable with you. A lot of guys who are on social media and you can justify it, dude, you're looking at, uh, sports highlights and you're catching the news and you're looking at your friends family and cheering them on.
And also you're looking at stuff that is popping up that you know is gonna pop up. And it just kind of tickles the ears, tickles the eyes. You're like, ah, I didn't, so I didn't search it out. I didn't go looking for it. This isn't porn. But, you know, you've taken a step on the path and if you continue on that path, you're probably gonna end up in your inner circle, um, your red zone.
And by the way, um, I just. Posted for the first time yesterday on Instagram. And by me, I mean, our assistant, um, posted. So I did not, if you're, if you see some new activity on Instagram. If you are on Instagram, two things. One, get off. Uh, two, um, if you are in Instagram and it's not a middle circle or inner circle behavior for you.
Um, you might have seen that I post that is not me. So if you see that and you're like, Jared said he is not on social media, and why is he posting? That's not me. Uh, I do not have any social media apps on my phone or on computer or anywhere. Um, I have somebody posting for me so that I don't have it because I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm social media for me is inner circle.
If I'm, this is, I don't, I don't think that this needs to be inner circle for everybody. I'm not gonna tell you what your inner circle should be and when it shouldn't be. For me personally, social media is a place where I can compare. Um, it's a place where I can go to find value. It's a place where I can go to see things that I don't want to see as a man that's trying to follow Jesus.
And I just wasn't like, this is all middle circle, beha, inner circle behavior. For me, if I'm on social media, I have crossed the line of the kind of man I want to be. So I don't even toy around with it. That's me personally. That doesn't have to be you. You can choose for you whatever you want your middle circle or inner circle to be.
You can see why it's confusing. Go with the red light, green light, uh, yellow light thing. So anyway, man, spend some time, pause this podcast and just ask yourself, what are the red circle behaviors for me? If I'm here? I've crossed the line. I am not operating in the kind of man I wanna be. Now. Here we go.
I'm gonna wind down the plane with this last thought. Um. Worship team. Come on up. We're gonna wrap this up. That's a joke If you have been in church for a long time. Um, okay. Where was I gonna say? I have a DD and I'm distracting myself constantly. Um, if you want to take this exercise seriously, um, I. Write all these things down.
Don't just listen to the podcast. Actually pause it, go back, listen, do the exercise. That's, that would be a huge step in the right direction. Number two, share it with somebody. Ideally share it with your friends, like. Share it with some guys. You got one best friend, one guy you could talk to, share this podcast with him, and then just say, Hey dude, let's compare notes afterwards.
Um, that would be a huge start. Share the podcast with your, your small group. If you don't have a small group, one of your friends, one of your buddies would be like, dude, I just listened to this podcast. What do you think? I'm starting to write some of my stuff down. I'd be curious, would you want to just kind of compare list here and hold each other accountable to it?
Um, so share your circles with a friend now. You could go like deep and share this with your spouse. I will say, um, just be cautious of that. Um, if sharing your inner circle, your red behaviors is going to turn into, oh my gosh, I didn't even know that these were part of your behaviors. That could be very traumatic to just kind of spring on your wife.
And so I would say have more of a game plan for that, um, so that you're not just dumping, you know, some behaviors that your wife has no idea about on her. And that could be really traumatizing. I'm not advocating for having secrets. I think that you should eventually share all of these things with your wife.
I pray that you get to the spot where your wife knows all of them, but I just think you should have a game plan if you want more. Insight on that or a, a bigger conversation on that. I had, um, uh, Nick stumble from Pure Desire a few episodes back. Go find that, uh, where we talk about pornography addiction and how to confess things like this to your wife.
And so he gave some really good insight there. So go back and listen to that episode. But what you don't want to do is just kind of spring. Some really crazy heavy information to your wife that she had no clue about. Layla knows she has seen all of my circles. She knows my, that's why she called me out the other day.
She, when we, when I was eating, standing up, she said, you're, this is a middle circle behavior for you. Standing up while eating. And uh, so she knows all of mine, but I'm not saying, and I hope that you can get there, but I'm not saying that you need to get there today. For sure though. Write 'em down for yourself.
And then next step would be find a friend that you can share this with. 'cause it, it'll be massively helpful. Alright man, I feel like I rambled. I love you guys man. I have been getting more emails. Every week, um, than I ever have with dad, tired. And, um, it just shows me that you guys are so hungry to do the deep soul work.
I'm not a therapist, I'm not pastoring any churches. I am a broken dude. Trying to figure out what it looks like for me personally, to follow Jesus, to lean into authenticity, be a truth teller, um, and. As I'm doing that and just trying to invite you guys in, I'm, I'm hearing from you guys, there's so many of you that, um, you want the same and I'm just really, really proud of you.
Lemme pray for you, dude. Um, don't skip this part. Jesus, for my friend who's listening right now, who listen to this podcast and, um, he, he got all the way here and he, he really does want to become more like you. He really does wanna find healing. God, would you encourage him? I pray Holy Spirit, that supernaturally, whether he's listening to this podcast, the very next day that I put this out, or 10 years from now, God, holy Spirit, would you meet him right where he is at right now, that you knew he would listen to this episode?
You would. He would be hearing this prayer right now, in this moment, and it's for him and it's intentional and it's evidence that you, God, are chasing him down. The God of the universe who holds all the stars in their place, who knows at the, um, the specific number of grains of sand are on the earth, that God, you, God, are thinking about him right now.
And you said that you will complete the work that you started in him. And so, Lord, we're asking you to be faithful to that promise. Would you remind him that you are being faithful to that promise? That you will complete this work that you started in him and decades over days, that this is not going to be a today thing, but over the next decades, the slow, mundane, but beautiful transformation of his heart that today he can get a glimpse of heaven as it is on earth, are earth as it is in heaven, God, that he would get a glimpse of your kingdom right now, in the moment, wherever he's sitting right now, would he get a glimpse of heaven?
You're redeeming, that you're making all things new, that you love him so much and you will finish what you've started in him, you have not forgotten about him. Thank you for your grace. Thanks for loving us. Thanks for letting us be your sons. It's in your name we pray. Amen. Alright bro, I love you. I'm grateful for you listening.
Um, as always, if, um. Yeah, I was gonna do the classic podcast thing. Share this with a friend and leave a review, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Thanks for listening, man. I'll see you next week.