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What if you’re not lost, just living in a part of the story no one talks about? Holding Patterns is a podcast about the in-between. The messy, undefined seasons of life where nothing quite makes sense. Hosted by Ashton Arnold, a deeply curious traveler who is carving out a life beyond the conventional path. Ashton leads guests through the kind of conversations that get honest, intimate, and are rooted in what it actually means to be human. This show is for people who’ve felt unsure, off-course, or like they’re making it up as they go. Each episode features a conversation with someone who has built a life outside the typical script, unpacking the moments where success felt out of reach. From travel and relationships to money and mental health, nothing’s off-limits. Holding Patterns is here to remind you that you’re not behind, you’re not alone, and you’re allowed to figure it out your own way.
Andi x Ash V2
===
Meet Andi
---
Ashton: [00:00:00] today I have my friend Andi on, and she is a friend also from the Heli Lodge, which Brit and Maddy, the other two guests I've had on, we all worked together last year. And Andi is from Ontario, but
is
also a world traveler, had a lot of different roles, jobs, experiences.
We'll get into it, but I'm really excited to have her on the podcast. So,
You're gonna do a better job at explaining your background or, any title you wanna introduce yourself to people as.
Andi: I'm like, I really think you're gonna thrive at describing me better than I can.
Ashton: Okay, I
can.
start.
Ashton: you've had
so many different roles [00:01:00] that
I
I don't even know where
to
Andi: Yeah, I feel like whenever people ask me, like, about my background, I just immediately am like, "You need to know I've lived a thousand
lives." And you have.
And I can't even keep
track of my
Ashton: You truly
have.
we can, we can kind of s- get into it, and you don't
have to do
the elevator pitch.
Growing Up Shy
---
Ashton: What was childhood
like?
Andi: Uh, childhood was fine.
I, uh, grew up in Southern Ontario. I had one younger brother, and my parents, they are still together. Questionably if they should be, but they are.
But yeah, family's fine. Got along good enough, I left home when I was 17 still to go to university, I feel like I, like, had a hard time growing up. Like, I didn't really connect with a lot of people. I was really shy.
I made, five friends in kindergarten, and then I don't think I made another friend till grade 12. Really? Like, I, Like, had my friends, and I was like, "We're
done."
Ashton: Do you still feel that way?
Andi: No. Now I feel like once I started making friends, then I have,
like...I got better at, like, learning how to
[00:02:00] communicate.
Ashton: I was
gonna say, 'cause you're a very- sociable,
Andi: Yeah ... like I have, like... Now I have a lot of different friend groups, which is quite nice, but I feel like, yeah, I've started making new friends and joining, like, different groups separate from my best friends from childhood, and, like, kind of branching out and being independent in my last year of high school.
Andi: And then I went to university alone without any friends. I think my first year of university was, like, probably the roughest year I've had in my life, just because I was, like, trying to navigate, like, socializing and how to get to know people, and mental health and stuff.
Ashton: I get
that. ...
Andi: I was 17.
Ashton: Yeah, my first year of university was one of the hardest years of my life too. the change, the shift,
leaving your family home.
Andi: Yeah. And I think I'd been so excited to leave home, 'cause I think It was, like, not the most stable environment.
I found it really, like... My, my mental health wasn't great when I was living with my parents, and so I was so excited to finally [00:03:00] leave, and then I don't think I'd really thought through the fact that I would be alone and have to make friends and find a new community and stuff. And, like, just struggle with school.
I don't really thrive in academia at
all.
Ashton:
University Pressure
---
Ashton: did you feel like
there was
no other option but to go to university after
high
Andi: Oh, yeah. I think now it's changed a lot, But I was the first kid in my family to ever go to university, and so it was very much like I had no choice.
I was going. That's so cool. I wasn't allowed to take a year off. I had to go right after high school 'cause they thought I wouldn't go. Mm. And now looking back, I really wish I had taken that extra year off, because I didn't really know what I
wanted to
do. I
say
that all the time.
Like, I think that's probably one of my only real regrets in life, is that I didn't take a year between high school and
university.
Ashton: I said this in,
I think, the episode with
Maddie, that when
I lived in New Zealand, it's so normal
for the kids to take
a gap year
after high school.
Or in the middle of university, they go and take a
gap year, and that is just not
the
norm.
Andi: I don't know. I feel it's, like, one of those, [00:04:00] stereotypes that really took hold amongst our parents or, like, that generation, like, if your kids don't go to school right away or if they take a break, they're just never gonna go back.
And I think I would've. I did enjoy my
degree.
Ashton: Do you think you would've gone back and studied the same thing that you
did?
Andi: it's really hard to say, because I think I really loved
the
degree.
Food Security Awakening
---
Ashton: What did you study?
Andi: International development and, like, focused on
food
security.
Right. Okay. Food And so I think it was one of those ones, I found it really interesting, but I was too young to, like, keep up with that kind of a workload, and I didn't appreciate it as much. I should've taken a year off and I should've done the degree in five years instead of four, but I couldn't afford to do the extra year.
Right. And so it was just, like, kinda trying to, like, swallow all the information I was given and then just regurgitate it back, and I couldn't really take the time to appreciate what I was
learning.
Ashton: you still are
pretty passionate
about
food
security, and that's, like,
something
we've
talked
about
a lot.
But-
where did
that stem
from?
Andi: I think I was always really interested in, development and, like, conflict and stuff. So, like, when I was really young, I [00:05:00] was always really invested in, like, why other countries are underdeveloped and, like, in high school I went to build a school in Nicaragua, and, like, was very into not-for-profits and, like, protesting and being very involved politically in, like, what's right and what's
wrong.
and, like- Is your family
like that or
Ashton: like that Are your parents like
that
Andi: my dad is very much like, "Don't get involved because it can negatively affect you in the future." Wow. I would go to protests and he's like, "No, don't speak that loudly. keep your
voice
quiet,"
Ashton: So
where
do you
think
that
came
from?
Andi: I have no idea. I just remember, like, when I was a kid hearing about, like, a doctor going abroad to help somebody, and I was like, "Fuck yeah."
That's what I want." So it was always very much like I wanted to travel. It was a good way to travel, and I wanted to help people. And then I did the degree, and I was like, wow, development is kinda like modern colonialism, It's such a dark industry still. Wow. And so then I was like, oh, I can't morally do this, and I don't...
I'm not smart enough to, like, do my master's or I didn't have that drive
to
do it really. Right.
Ashton: Yeah, 'cause you're a very smart
lady and I don't think it's
that.
Andi: I think I just... It doesn't [00:06:00] translate to academia. Yes. 'Cause academia
is such a
very specific type of learning. Yeah. And especially because I started then focusing on, like, food security, and especially in North America and, like, if you're low income, access to food security, and one of my biggest grievances with it is, like, you're writing about people, but you're writing it from an academic- point of view, which is like very unaccessible to anybody that is actually struggling with food security.
Because you're using these very specific academic terms, and you're talking like you're studying somebody, and it's just, one, rude, and you also don't understand what that person's going through and they
can't
really
relate
to you.
So I feel like at the end of the day, like, the degree has definitely influenced my life in a lot of ways. Like, I worked at the shelter doing, like, a lot of food security stuff, and, like,
I've
always
been really interested in it.
Do I think it was worth, like, a $30,000 diploma? Probably not. I should have probably done
something that I...
Like
nursing.
But here we are.
Ashton: here we
are. And that's why this podcast exi- exists.
You
can
take
a
lot
of different [00:07:00] routes
to get
where
you...
I mean, not even where
you
wanna
be, just
where you are.
Post Grad Halifax Drift
---
Ashton: so you went to university. You have a younger brother.
Your parents are, were still together.
What happened
post-university?
Andi: go from
Ashton: What was
the first
job
you
had
post-university?
Andi: Working in kitchens.
Ashton: kitchen?
Andi: Scotia. ' in my third year of university, did a year abroad, and I lived in Ghana, in West Africa, for the year. And I met a bunch of girls in that program that lived on the East Coast in Halifax. So the year before... The summer before my final year, I went to visit them, and then I just got it caught in my head that I wanted to move to the East Coast.
Okay. So as soon as I graduated, I was like, "I'm gonna move to the East Coast," 'cause there was a bunch of, like farm-to-table things happening there that I could do. Um, and I had worked in cafes all of my university degree, and, like, part-time jobs, and I really wanted to work in kitchens more and, like,
t-
try
that out and
see
if I
liked
[00:08:00] it.
Ashton: You talked about having the interest in development
and stuff.
Did
you always
have
this
interest
to
travel
as
well?
Andi: Yeah. I think it, the interest in development was
kind of
fueled
by
the interest
to
travel.
Ashton: And is anybody in your
family
super
into
travel,
like
cousins,
aunts,
uncles?
Andi: My grandpa was.
Your grandpa. I think my grandpa did a lot. But he passed away when I was 16, so we never really talked about it. I would just hear about it through, like, little snippets, or I would know that they went on a vacation or a holiday. Mm-hmm. And my great aunt and my great uncle are really big on travel. Okay.
So
they
were
the
ones that
would
tell
me
about
trips-
Ashton: All Right ...
and then playing in
the little seat.
Andi: Yeah,
for
sure.
Ashton: So you went,
you moved
to Halifax,
and
you were
just
working
in like
restaurant
kitchens?
Andi: Yeah, I was trying to save up. Like, once I got there, I moved there with a girl that I had done the Ghana program with- and so we were both there, and that was also a really dark... I think it- it was a really dark year because you kind of like, you finish university,
you're supposed to
start figuring out what the fuck you're doing. No one knows what [00:09:00] they're doing. I wasn't really, like, using my degree, and I didn't really want to.
Yeah. So then you're just kind of stuck and trapped. and I was just
so burnt out
from school. everything was so depressing. My roommate was really struggling. I think she grew up in a really, um, like, the kind of household where you graduate, you get married, you get a good job, you buy a house.
and if you're not doing that, you're doing it wrong. So she was struggling a lot with that mentality and kind of encouraging me, like, uh, "We should go back to school. We should do this." So we both came up with this plan that the fol- following year we would go traveling for the year, and then we would go back to school.
Mm-hmm. Like, to r- do our master's or do, like, a post-grad degree
of
some
sort.
Ashton: And
so
you
were
really in
on
this plan
together,
Andi: Yeah. I don't know if I was really into the school idea. I think I was just really lost. And anyone giving me a plan, I was just gonna grab at it, 'cause I was like, "Yeah, that makes logical sense.
I'll travel a bit. I'll see the world a bit more. I'll go back to school. I'll figure out my life." I think I had this idea that, like, by 25 I was gonna [00:10:00] get everything out of my system, get the career job, find somebody to m- a guy to marry, like, have
kids,
do
all that
stuff.
Ashton: We all have that, I
think.
Andi: you're kind
of
just taught,
like,
that's
what
you're supposed
to
do.
And, like, our parents. Like, I guess we're the first- Yeah ... generation really where, like, there really wasn't that
push.
Ashton: Well, I
think the achievement and the goals that our
generations
before us had
are
drastically shifting.
It's
different.
like-
buying a
house
is different.
Having kids is different. Getting
Andi: is incredibly different, because I think when, even with my mom, like, one, you could still have a single income household, and so you could stay home with your kids if you wanted to. And also, I think there's this shift now of,
from my mom to me, like, do you even want kids?
If you don't want kids, that's fine.
You
don't
need
to
have them. But I think
Ashton: uh,
yeah, our
world as women is so much bigger now.
Andi: Yeah
Ashton: Like
we can
have
bigger
dreams.
we can have bigger goals
Andi: the career, you can have the friends, you can have the partner without having to [00:11:00] sacrifice anything.
Ashton: Yeah.
Andi: And I
think before it w- always
was about you'd have to
sacrifice
your
Ashton: Yeah.
And
I think
you make a
very
good
point
with
the
single
income
Andi: Yeah.
Ashton: That's, like,
not
a reality anymore.
Andi: what world? You
can't
even
live
your life
with
dual
incomes now
half the
Ashton:
Okay,
so y- you went,
Halifax
made
this
plan.
Did
you
follow
through with it?
Bedbugs And Farm Reset
---
Andi: Yeah, we went and we... Oh my gosh, the whole winter was just so... Like, I fell into such a dark depression, and then I got bedbugs in my apartment. I think the apartment above us had them and it, they traveled down.
Ashton: No.
Andi: since I was a kid, they
were
like
my
worst
fear Oh.
ever.
Ashton: I've
never
had
them,
but
I
have
heard
the
stories
Andi: Oh my God, I like threw out everything I owned. And so literally I was like, "I am going to kill myself." I think the only reason I honestly
probably
didn't
is
because
I was
so depressed, but
I couldn't
sit in my
bed
anymore '
'cause
my
bed was infected. Indeed.
So I had to go out
and
like
get
out
there in the
world, you know? 'Cause you're like, "Well,
shit." "
I
Ashton: I
mean,
they
do
say the
solution
is
not
isolation,
so
I
[00:12:00] guess they're...
Andi: Just get bedbugs. It'll really help get you over that hump. Oh my God. It was awful though. But then, so from that I
was like, "
I
need
to
get
out
of the
city."
And
my friend,
her
family-
Ashton: Like right after
the
bedbugs you
were,
like,
gone.
Andi: Oh yeah. We moved to the country and we worked on a farm- Okay ... 'cause her family owned this farm. And I was like, "Agriculture. I like agriculture." And it really changed the trajectory for my life just in the sense that like I'd never worked somewhere where I had a lot of responsibility.
I got there and I, her uncle who owned the farm was like, "You're competent and you can figure stuff out." So he made me a manager of this farm stall, and like assistant manager in the warehouse, and like I had
to
learn
how
to,
I had
to
learn
how to drive
a forklift.
I
didn't
even
have my driver's
license.
God. Just one day he was like, "You're, you're annoying people by asking them to move pallets for you. You need to learn how to do
them
yourself."
And
I was
like, "
Dear God."
Ashton: There
is something
to,
that.
...somebody
just
giving
you
a
[00:13:00] chance
and
trusting you.
Andi: And not caring if
you're uncomfortable,
and not caring
Ashton: Space for failure
Andi: out by it. They're just like, "
Well,
you're gonna
do
it."
Ashton: Yeah. And
they probably know you're
gonna
fuck
up,
And
they've accepted that.
Andi: Yeah.
Ashton: Yeah.
There's...
that's really special
Andi: So it was like a very big gr- learning curve, 'cause I was just getting out of this crazy depression and this guy is putting so much pressure on me that I wasn't prepared for.
Like, I ended up getting stress hives at one point. No. I was like,
Ashton: wow. "
Andi: "What is this job?"
Like,
and
I was getting paid minimum wage 'cause I
didn't know
to
advocate for
Ashton: How long
was this for,
Andi: It was only for like six or seven months. It was just for the farming season. Right. And then we left in October to go travel.
But it was worth it. Like, we worked like, I was working like 60 or
70 hours a
week. Not really
doing anything else,
just the whole
goal
was
to
work
on
the
farm
to save
money
to
go
travel It's
Ashton: was the
start
of
your
seasonal
career.
Andi: It really...
Yeah
that was the last... The
summer
before
that
was the
last
time
I
ever
had
a summer.
Ashton: So where did you go on that, ch- uh, on
that year trip?
Andi: Went to, started in Costa [00:14:00] Rica, found a Workaway in San Jose, 'cause the only place that emailed us back and neither me and this
girl were
the
type to travel without a plan
at this point.
Like, I needed something.
Mm-hmm.
Uh,
so
did
that
for
a few
months, went
down
to
Panama.
Ashton: How
old
were
you
at
this point?
Andi: point? 22,
Ashton: Okay
Andi: yeah, went down to Colombia and then in Colombia I think me and this friend, we had both been, like, going through our own journeys, kinda like when we were in San Jose I started dating a guy that was working at the hostel and, like, going out with him and, like, kind of getting really into traveling and, like, kind of putting up roots in, like, this new place and being like, "Oh, I really like this going with the flow."
And I think she was struggling the whole time.
Ashton: So when we got
Andi: to
Colombia,
again,
we
stayed in
a
place
that had bedbugs.
She's
really just like- I'm not traveling with you
That was just the theme of our friendship I guess. Like, when
everything
was going downhill
and
you had
to
really
do
some self-reflecting- Bedbugs ...bedbugs.
Ashton: Anyways, we- Me and this [00:15:00] friend had a chat, and she was like, "I wanna go home. I feel like I'm just wasting my money traveling. This isn't what I expected it to be. I don't like it. I wanna go home." And I was like, "Well, I really like it.
Andi: I'm having a great time. I don't..." And I wanted to try traveling solo a little bit or, like, doing my own thing without having to make decisions with somebody else constantly. Yeah.
so we
went back
to
Costa
Rica, '
cause I was
also still
kind
of in
love with
this
guy, ............
so
I also wanted to go
back and see
him.
Of course. Naturally.
Ashton: Yeah, Travel
loves.
Andi: Travel loves. Um, so then we
went
back.
She went
home,
and
then I met
up
with
a
guy
we
had met,
and
me and him
went
to
Nicaragua
together.
And then I
went
home.
And- Then you
went home,
I ha- got my
first job
head cooking at,
like, 22,
23
for
a kids
camp.
Wow. Because
they were
desperate.
In Ontario. Oh. They were desperate for a cook, and I was like, "
Sure,
I'm desperate
for
a
job."
But that's
how
I
ended up
d- running
kitchens and
stuff.
Ashton: Wow,
that's...
So
that
was
the very first
one?
Andi: [00:16:00] Yeah, that was the first one,
Ashton: How long did you stay
at
that
job?
Andi: It was for
a whole summer,
so,
like,
June,
July,
August. Okay.
Ashton: And
what
comes
after
that?
Andi: Then I
did
my
first
solo
traveling
trip.
And I started in Guatemala, and then I just traveled for, like, eight months.
and then I came to BC for the first time for a road trip with
a friend.
Mm. Who was like... She was older. She was 28 and a, a photographer. So I feel like she really,
like,
helped
me learn, like,
you don't
have to have a
plan.
Like,
it's
fine.
You can
just kinda go
with
the flow.
Stop
being
anxious.
Ashton: it crazy what
meeting one
person
who, uh,
like,
not
even just a travel life,
but
just
a different way
of
life
that you've
never
experienced,
having that one encounter and getting to know that
person, it changes your whole world
Andi: Yeah, of being like, "Oh my God." Also, like, meeting somebody 28 who is, like, kinda traveling and figuring it out and didn't have a plan yet.
And, like, she was going through a divorce already- Yeah ... and everything had fallen apart,
really
was like, "
Okay,
I don't
have
to go back
to school.
I
don't even
want
to
go
back to
[00:17:00] school.
I'm
just doing what
people
think
I should
do."
Ashton: I've
had
that
experience
a lot.
Like,
and I
feel very
lucky to
have
gotten...
Have
very
close relationships
with
people
older
than me-
who
are
living
a
very similar way
as
me, '
'cause all
my
fr- so
we're in
Nelson.
I didn't
even
say that,
but
everyone
here
is 5, 10,
15 years older
than me.
but
I
think
it's given me
such
an, like an
amazing perspective of ti- of just of
Andi: Yeah I
Ashton: so much time, and I feel that
Andi: I feel that
deeply.
Even now, I think... 'Cause when I was traveling, I was like you. Yeah.
Everyone
I
was
meeting
was
older than
me,
and
being
like, "
Oh
my
God,
I have
so
much
time."
And
then
now
I'm
kind
of
at
their
age,
and
I'm
like, "
Okay."
okay." Also-
There's peace
now ... I've done so much
in
a
decade.
Like, I've done more than I needed to do. Yeah. And sometimes I, like, compare myself to other people who have done even more, and then I'm like, "Oh my God, I wasted my years a little
bit."
Like,
I
kept going
back
to
the
same
spots,
or I
did
this,
and
I'm
like, "[00:18:00]
"Why am
I
being
so
hard
on
Ashton: It's a very prominent
Andi: It's a very weird thing that I think only people that kind of fall into the lifestyle of travelers get.
Yeah. And a lot of the time, 'cause I'll talk to people that have never really traveled, and I'm almost envious of them. Like, all the people who in their early 20s, they found a place to live, and they have, like, really great communities, and they have all their really great friends, and
they can
all look back and laugh on, like, the different eras of their lives together, and I don't really get that because- Yeah
every year
was
with
different
people,
and every year
I
was doing
something else.
And
so
I think no
matter
what,
you're
always
gonna
look
back and
be
like, "
Oh, I'm
envious of
the way- Yeah, the grass- ... somebody lived
that
I
didn't
live,"
but
they're
also
looking
at
me,
being
like-
Yes ...
"Oh my gosh,
you've
traveled so
much.
Like,
I
should've
traveled
in
my
20s
more."
Ashton: I
had a very
good therapy
session one time talking
about
this
exact same
thing. Like,
I want
community,
but
there's so much of
the world
I wanna
see
and experiences I
wanna have.
And
I remember
her saying
to
me
that
you're
always gonna
have
those
two
voices.
It's
just
a
matter
of
which
[00:19:00] one's
louder at
this
point
in
your life.
Andi: Yeah.
Ashton: Okay, so
when
that
community
and stability voice gets louder, I'm gonna listen to it
Andi: I think that's it, 'cause it's important. Like, as much as it's great to travel, and I have no regrets about all the travels that I've done, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
I would probably travel more- Yeah ... through my early 20s. But- Also, like, when you're tired, I think it's time. I think the last big trip I did that was a solo trip, I remember meeting so many people that were in their 40s, and they almost seemed stuck. Like, they didn't seem thrilled to be traveling anywhere, but they'd been doing it their whole lives.
And then they'd just be like, "Well, this is just what you do." Yeah. And I was horrified by
it. And like,
I
was like, "Oh my God, I never wanna get to the poi-..." Like, this is what I love doing. Yes.
And
to
get
to the
point
where you're
like, "Well,
I
guess
I'll
just
go
on
another
trip, '
cause
I
don't
have
a
home
community,
so
I
don't
know
where
to
go."
Ashton: Well,
I've
thought,
wrote
in
my
journal,
talked
to
people
about
how
much
I
want
a
home
base
to c- to
travel
out
[00:20:00] of.
But
there's
a
very
we-
,
Weird
feeling
when
you're
out
and you
have
all these
travels,
but
you
don't
have
a
life
to
come back to.
that
is scary, and lonely,
Andi: and- It is super isolating sometimes, 'cause no one else can really understand. Like, I have friends, I would try describing that, and they're like, "Oh, but we get to
travel
and
that's
so
sick." And then you have your friends that do have
the
home
base,
and
they
don't
understand
your
life at
all.
Ashton: No. And
we
wouldn't understand their
problems
and
things
that they go
through
either,
cause
we live
so
diff- But
again,
why I
wanna
have
these
conversations is '
cause
this
is
an
insight
into
those
periods-
that
you've,
you
have
the friends
that
are stable,
and
they
look
at
your
life
and
they
idolize
it,
and
you're
like, "
Actually,
here is
the
shit that I go through. Let's talk about
Andi: it." Yeah. It's not always rainbows. No. And also, like, in No. way can
you
think
that somebody who's
living this
exciting life
doesn't
have
their
struggles.
Yeah.
Like,
everyone's got
all
their
shit.
Ashton: Yeah.
Everybody [00:21:00] does. Yeah,
social media
just
makes it easier to turn this life into the
highlight
another
thing
I
think
about with
travel
a
lot
and looking at
friends
who
have
a
more
stable
life
is
I
sometimes
wonder
if
I'll
ever
feel
content.
Andi: Yeah.
Ashton: And that's kind
of
scary too,
of
like...
But
I
mean,
this
winter
was
a
really
big lesson
for
me
in
finding
contentedness
in the
slowness.
Like, '
cause
my
life
has been
go, go,
go,
go,
for
the
last
three years,
four
years,
and
I've
just
been
chasing
the
highs,
I
feel
like.
in the
exciting
new
thing
and
changing jobs
and moving.
I've
moved
countries
three
times
in
the
last
three
years.
But
this
winter
I
didn't
do
anything.
Like,
I
was
so chill and I was so content
Andi: Dude, yeah, this
is
the
longest
I
think
in
my
adult
life
I
haven't
been
on
a
plane.
Yeah. '
Same. 'Cause I haven't been
on one since November.
And-
Me too.
it's shocking- Yeah ... to
think
about, but
it's
[00:22:00] also
been really nice. Like, I'm so
excited-
After the lunch to go home
to
my bed.
Yeah.
And
like,
to my
room
where
everything
is
set
up,
and
I've
like
been
hanging photos- All your
stuff on the wall ...
for the first time. and I'm stoked.
Ashton: I know,
it's the best.
okay,
we've
really
got
sidetracked from your life. But
that
was a great conversation
Andi: but I was gonna go back to saying like, kinda what we talked about before with the mental health and stuff too.
I
think because
I
use travel
as
like
a
good motivation
to
keep going when I was like, in Halifax and on the East Coast-
It's
a
goal
it was a goal, and then it just became such a habit that then for all of my 20s too, like, it wasn't that I was running away from my problems, but I never really let them...
I
never
sat
with
them. '
Cause
you
never
had
to
worry
about
being
anxious
or
depressed,
because
I
could
just
move
countries,
and
then
I
had
like,
new
distraction
and new
excitement.
And I had people that like, could understand me, and I could talk to them about it, and I would like, on surface level get past it, but I think it was more like I had such like, great
like rushes
of
being
[00:23:00] like, "
Oh,
it's
a
new
spot.
I have these new
like,
challenges and things to
deal
with,
and
it's
also
beautiful
and
exciting."
That's a good- And
then I would come home- Yeah ... and there'd be like the two-week period
where
I
am
not
working
yet,
so I'm
just
visiting people,
so
it
still feels
like
I'm
traveling.
And then
I
work
and
work
is
my
whole personality.
Yeah.
Wow.
And so then it was only the few times that I would try and stay put and like be like, "I'm not gonna
travel
for
a bit,
I'm
gonna
settle
down,"
and
all
my
mental
health...
Like,
I would
just
get
so
anxious
immediately.
I
would
get
s- I'd
feel
so trapped. Like-
Ashton: How
are
you
feeling
right
now
Andi: I feel
good.
I still
get
like,
every
once
in a while
very stressed out and anxious about it, and be like, "I should just leave," like-
Just the little things, like of all the places to move to, this isn't close to an airport. Like, I can't just go on a quick little like, visit to see my friends-
anywhere
else.
Which
is
probably
for
the
best
and the
worst,
because
I
think if
I
had
that,
I
would
keep
on intentionally bouncing
around
and
moving.
So I'm like, it's good. I g- I took away any of
the options.
My, [00:24:00]
the
only
thing
I'm
more
afraid of
than staying
put
for too
long
is
driving
in
snow.
So
I'm
not
going
anywhere.
Ashton: You had to force yourself somewhere that you're not
Andi: be easy. You are surrounded by mountain passes
that have
the
worst
weather-
Yeah ...............in
the
province.
You're
not
moving.
Ashton: Sometimes that's what you gotta do.
Andi: I know. And now that I've- There's no other
choice ...and now that I've stayed here long enough and I'm like, starting to make friends and like, put down roots and feel like this place is mine in its own way, I'm liking it a lot.
And like, I'm really excited to come back for the summer.
This is the first
year
like,
I'm
gonna have
a
real
summer
in my adult life.
Ashton: Oh.
I'm so excited for you
Andi: like, there's been, like, a
big
shift of, like,
instead of the summer is all about
working
so that
I
can afford to
go
travel
again,
I'm
like-
Mm-hmm
I'm just gonna
work.
Okay,
I'm
going
to
work for six weeks so
I can
afford
one
more
trip.
Yeah.
But
they're small.
Ashton: We're, we're lowering it
Andi: slowly
easing myself
out.
Ashton: Yeah, you can't
go-
zero
to
100.
Andi: no, no, we're go- we're hovering, like, 50, 60
yeah. I'm [00:25:00] like-
Ashton: But
like you
said,
you're
always
gonna
have
travel,
but it
might
not
be
your
entire
life.
Andi: And I'm glad to have done it in my 20s, 'cause now I'm not gonna travel and try and find,
like, the
cheapest hostel that I can stay in and do, like, work shitty jobs or
only
instant noodles
for a
while.
Like,
I wanna
actually
enjoy the trips, and
I
only
wanna
go
on
a
trip
for,
like,
a
few
weeks
and
not
months, '
cause
that's
exhausting.
Ashton: Yep.
Andi: When I was 20, loved it.
Now,
I'm
like,
ooh,
a nice hotel
and
we'll move around a little
bit.
Ashton: Yeah.
okay,
where do we leave
off on your life?
Ashton: You were Working
in
kitchens.
Andi: And no, I did my first solo trip.
Ashton: First solo
trip.
Okay,
eight month- that lasted eight months.
Andi: So then came
back
from
that
trip,
started
cooking
for
tree
planters for the first time.
Ashton: Which let's... Can you explain what tree planting is a little
Andi: Tree
planting,
it's
a very
Canadian,
uh,
job,
I
guess.
mostly Northern Quebec, Ontario, and across to BC.
But
it's pretty
much anywhere
that's
been
clear
[00:26:00] cut,
you
have
to
replant the trees.
What's clear
cut?
Like,
when
you
clear
cut a
forest,
when you
cut
down
all
the
trees of the
forest.
For- They have to
Ashton: has happened?
Andi: No, it's for,
like, logging.
For logging. So for paper mills or for timber, shit like that. Um, and you have to replant the trees
also because
you wanna
harvest
them
again.
You're not
gonna
clear cut
and
leave everything.
It's
all
business.
It's like,
um,
industrialized
agriculture,
but
with
trees.
Right.
Um- But it's- ...
and .........
mono cropping
Ashton: typical thing
to
do
as
a Canadian.
Andi: Yeah, for university too, because it's the perfect season, and you
can make
a
fuck
ton
of money
if you're
a
good
planter.
Ashton: Yeah. I had no
Andi: planting ...idea of the money
Ashton: until
I
moved to Canada.
like,
I
had
heard
of
tran- tree
planting,
and
then
I'm, I pretty
much
felt
like
every
person
I
met was a
tree planter
or
had tree planted
Andi: because we all travel. Like, we all do the seasonal... You work the seasonal...
and then
you
either come to,
like,
a ski
town
to ski
for the
winter,
or
you
travel
all
Ashton: But
you... So y-
Andy wasn't a
tree
planter.
You
............were [00:27:00]
the cook for the
tree planters.
but
can
you
explain
a
little
bit,
like
how do you get
paid
as a tree planter?
Andi: get paid by tree By
Ashton: tree. right
Andi: sure when I started it
was,
like,
10
cents
a
tree,
and
now
it's
up
to,
like,
16 or
20
cents. Like,
there's
been
a
big
jump.
You
can still
make a lot
of
money
with
inflation.
but-
Ashton: but-
it's all kind of in your control
Andi: Yeah. And so there's usually in a camp, and I work in bush camp, so we'll drive out into the middle of the
forest
essentially
so
that you can drive easily to
where
you
have to
replant
these
trees,
and
everyone
lives
in
tents,
and
we
have,
like, a
generator.
We
have
water
we
pull, I
and I
have a
kitchen
trailer.
Ashton: Yeah,
what
is
the
kitchen
trailer and like describe it to us.
Andi: it to us. It's probably the size of, like, a food truck, a
little
bit
bigger.
Okay
And I'll have,
like,
my fridges. I
have
a
huge
stove,
and
I have
sinks.
Like,
there's
no dishwasher. I
have to wash everything
by hand
still, but-
It's just
me
and one
other
person.
Holy
shit.
But, like, tree
planters
also burn,
like,
a
fuck
ton of
calories.
I
think
they
burn,
like,
5,000
or
6,000
calories a
day.
Ashton: Yeah. So how much food are you making?
Andi: making like, for [00:28:00] breakfast I'll make, like, at least five kilos
of
bacon
plus, like- Oh 20 pounds of
potatoes and a
case of
Ashton: How long does
that
take
you?
Andi: I'm really fast. yeah. I'm really organized.
Yeah.
it'll take me, like, an hour and a bit
to
cook
Ashton: And okay,
so
you got
into
this job right away you were the head chef?
Andi: Yeah.
Wow,
Don't know how, again.
Ashton: And how old were you at this point?
Andi: point?
23,
24.
all- The... And I'd only heard about it because I did the kids camp. Hate kids still. They're like cats, they loved me, and I hated them. Um, but then I was in Guatemala working at this bar 'cause I was backpacking for a few months, and I met this girl who was a tree planter. And we were just talking about summer jobs and what I was gonna do next summer, and then she was like, "Oh, just cook for tree planters.
They're like kids, but they'll drink beer." And I was like, "Fuck yeah, I'm in." And I love being a dirt bag. Like, I love that, like, lifestyle too where you really have to push yourself to be
as best
as you can be. Like,
for
tree planters,
they're
pushing
themselves
to
plant
as
many trees as they can.
[00:29:00] And
for
me,
I was just
trying
to,
like,
push
myself
to
make
better
food
and
have
better
time
management
and-
Ashton: Yeah,
In a very challenging
environment
Andi: No. And there was no training. Like, I got
up
there,
and they
were literally
like, "
Okay,
there you
go."
definitely a good learning curve. And I've
done it,
this
will
be
my
10th
year
I
think doing it
Ashton: year.
Andi: year
of- That's
Ashton: She says that every year.
Andi: year I'm only
going for six
weeks,
and
we're
gonna
host a retirement party so that
I-
Ashton: So it's happening for
Andi: Yeah, so I can't go
back. 'cause of my
pride.
Ashton: needs a party to really make it official.
Andi: And also my pride, like if I throw the
retirement party,
I- then
you
go
Ashton: back ...
That's true.
Sometimes
you need the
ego
involved
to
actually
g- make
Andi: really do- ... 'cause otherwise, tail between legs next year,
I would go back. Okay.
The money's
just good and-
I get it.
Ashton: I get it. I get
it. especially
like you
said
with the
seasonal
life.
It's ......a
perfect
amount of time
to make a shit ton of money and then you get to go travel.
Andi: Yeah. Yeah.
And I'm-
I get it. I just feel like I'm at the point, like I did it for so
long, [00:30:00] and
ready
to
hang
up
the
seasonal life
and like
put
down
those
roots like you were saying.
But like it's
hard and
it's scary, and I
Ashton: It's
Andi: voice- It is scary ...
in the back of my head, 'cause I know that the moment I
give it
up, it's so
hard to get back
into
it. Like once I'm done, I'm done,
Ashton: cause
we know how
hard,
as
you
just, Andy just watched
me
say goodbye to
one of my
best
friends here, and
we see
each other every day,
and
I'm
probably
gonna
see
her again
in
five
months,
but
it's devastating.
Andi: It's hard. And
Ashton: know how
hard
it
is.
Those
goodbyes
do
not
get
easier.
and
if you've
set
root somewhere,
how bad those goodbyes
Andi: I know, they're bad enough when
you've met- Imagine if you, like- ... somebody for
like a week that you're
close
with.
But then it is crazy to think like how much those initial trips in my life really like shaped everything about
me.
Yeah.
'Cause at this point,
like
the
only reason I
moved
to
Nelson
is '
cause
of the two
girls
I met in Guatemala.
And
like
we
just
became this
huge group of like
girls
that were all
solo
travelers,
which
was
my
favorite
part. '
Cause
like We were
all Love [00:31:00] that ... like doing our own
thing,
And I think it was the first time
ever
in
my
life
that
I
felt
like I had that,
where I could just
say like, "Oh, I
don't feel like doing
this," '
cause
I'm
such a
people pleaser.
and
everyone was like, Okay,
do
whatever
you
want,"
not
mad or not in-
insulted
that
I
was
leaving
them.
yeah, to feel like you had the support, and I never really felt alone.
And I
knew if
I
was in trouble,
like
I could call
any
of
them and they would ...
come save
me
in a minute.
But
also,
they
were
so
encouraging
of
me to
be like, "
Do
whatever makes
you
happy, like
you're
on
your
trip
to
figure
your
own
thing
out,"
so.
Ashton: very
secure
relationships.
Andi: It was very
healthy.
even now, like I almost moved here five
years ago cause '
the
girls
w-
were
trying
to
convince
me. I
was like, "
What
if I
come
and
be like I
think
I have to
leave
And they're
like, "
We
understand and
we respect
your
And then this time when I was moving, they were like, "We need y- insurance that you're actually gonna do
this
Yeah, literally I left my car here before I went on a trip.
Ashton: That's
so
funny.
Okay,
so you
tree planted
and you
still are
tree planting 10 years
later.
What came after that?
Andi: I did... I tried
staying
at
home.
This
was
one
of the
first
times, '
cause I
was like,
Cool,
I
did
my
eight-month
[00:32:00] trip."
and I was like, "I did it, and I'm supposed to get a job now, I'm supposed to settle down roots," and
There was this organization I worked with when I was in university, and they were hiring a manager for the kitchen, and I was like, "Wow, this is perfect."
Like, this
was kinda
like
my
dream
job or,
like,
to
help
me get into
that
career
that I
wanted.
So I
applied,
I
got
the
job,
and
I moved
back to
my university
town
for
the first time after
a
couple
years.
that ... this organization
was the Seed and Spoon at the university.
but I think I just, like, wasn't ready to go home yet, and I wanted it in theory, but then a bunch of the people that were in the town, they were all such close friends, 'cause they'd been living all their 20s together already.
Like, they had these years of bonding. And
I joined in and
I
was, like,
making
really good friends, but I
was just
stressed
all the time,
'cause I
also had
all
these
friends
that
were
doing
crazy
cool
stuff
all
over
the
world,
and
I
kinda
felt
like I
was
missing
out.
Um-
Ashton: Like,
you
didn't
fit
where
you
were
and there was a life that you felt you fit in better?
Andi: Like, I feel Like, I knew
that
I didn't wanna stay
there forever,
so
I didn't
wanna,
like,
[00:33:00] invest
in decorating
my
room
or
invest
in, like,
having a
home
base
really.
Like,
it
was
still
kinda
felt
temporary,
but
everyone
else
around
me
was
settled.
Mm. And
then-
So that
Ashton: automatically makes
you an outsider
Andi: Yeah, and I just felt like I just started getting really depressed again. I was super anxious all the time. And then for Christmas, I had a few weeks off, so I went back down to Guatemala to meet up with a bunch of my friends, and then I was just so happy again. And, like, it was so nice to be around them, and then I started kinda telling them about how I was having a really hard time at home, and they were the ones that were like, "You don't have to stay then."
Like, also, I w- already knew I was going back tree planting for the following summer anyway, so they were like, "Are you just gonna be miserable for another three weeks?" And I didn't wanna leave 'cause I felt guilty quitting my job- Yeah ... 'cause I was like, "They hired me. I can't leave them. I can't quit." And then they were like, "
Just
quit.
They'll
find
somebody
else.
It's
fine."
And so I
just remember one of
my friends
before I
[00:34:00] left,
he
was like, "
Two
weeks.
You
have
two
weeks
to
go
home,
quit
your
job,
and
get
back."
And- Yeah ...I
was
like, "
I
never
said I
was
coming
back."
He
was
like, "
You
have
two
weeks
to quit
your
job
and
come
back."
Whoa.
I think it took me three weeks, but I got home,
cried in the bathtub a lot, feeling so guilty about quitting and, like, moving out of my place.
Like, I feel
like I was
just
disappointing
people,
cause,
like,
I
was
friends
......with my
roommates
and
they
would have to find another
roommate
to
fill
my
spot,
and
like
I-
they
would have to hire somebody
new at
work,
and
it
was
only gonna
be
for
a
couple
of
months,
but-
Ashton: so
You
had
done
your
eight-month
trip.
Then
you
had
done
tree
planting
for
a
summer. And
then
you're
back
home.
And
it's
kind of reality
is- Hitting you.
Like, did
you
feel
like you had
this
big
decision
to make?
Andi: It felt like such a big decision. Right. Like, it felt very, like...
Because
I
think it
was
the
whole,
like, do
you
stay
here
and
do
what
everyone
else is doing,
or
do you
just
keep
traveling? '
Ashton: So do you feel like that voice
of
society
and
those
ingrained
beliefs
that
you
grew
up
with-
was
that
the voice that [00:35:00] was playing over and over?
Andi: I think so. And, like, in theory, I wanted to want to stay there and, like, have this job and put down these roots and stuff, but I just felt like I was missing out on traveling and missing out on, like, having all these experiences.
And also,
I think,
like,
because
the
year
before
had
been
with
all
the
solo
girls
that
I
met,
I
immediately felt
like
I didn't
have the choice to, like, do what I wanted to do.
Mm. Like, I, I'm really bad with people pleasing, and then, like, I never wanna disappoint people, so it was just a lot of being like, "Well, I can't leave 'cause, like, work would be upset with me," or like, my roommates would be disappointed that
I'm
leaving, and all this stuff. And I find
that pressure
really overwhelming,
as
opposed
to when I'm
traveling,
I
don't
feel like I'm
gonna disappoint
anyone,
cause we're
all doing our own
thing
and we're
all
allowed
to-
Wow
have
that
freedom.
And so I think that was the biggest thing. Like, I associate travel with being free and, like, being able to
do
exactly
what I
wanna
do
and
make
my own decisions,
and
I have
a really
hard
time
doing
that
when
I
am [00:36:00] settled
somewhere.
Wow. And I
think
that's
where
a lot of the depression and anxiety comes from, 'cause I feel all this pressure for everyone around me,
Ashton: Totally
Andi: to if I'm on the road, like I don't like traveling with friends for the most part, and if I do
travel with friends,
I
warn them
pretty
adamantly.
Like- Yes ......I
do
not
follow,
like,
what
you
wanna
do.
Like,
if
you
wanna
do
that, I'll
support
you,
and
if
I
feel
like
doing
it,
I'll
come,
but if
I
don't,
I'm
not
doing
that.
Ashton: So
do you
feel
like
you're,
you're
just
a
truer
version
of
yourself
when
you
travel?
You're not performing for anybody.
Andi: Yeah, '
cause
it was
Growing up, I was very molded to
be a people pleaser and,
like- My
family
was
quite tense, and so it
was very
easy just to be "
like, Whatever makes everyone
else
happy
is what
I'll
do." Mm.
And
so I think
that's
always
been
a
huge
part
of
my
personality and of my lifestyle.
And
so travel was the
first
time where
I didn't have
any
of those
pressures.
Yeah.
And
even
now, like,
it's a huge
issue.
Like,
most of
my therapy
is me trying
to
tackle
how
to
not
be a
People Pleasing Spiral
---
Andi: people
pleaser, and it's not
going well still.
Ashton: Girl,
we
have the same
[00:37:00] brain.
Andi: and I don't even know I'm doing it.
and then I'm like, "Well, if I don't
do this
I'm
gonna
feel
like
shit,
and if I
do
do this
I'm
gonna
feel
like
shit."
Well,
Ashton: it's
also
like, defining
your
worth
by
how
much
you make other people feel good.
Andi: good.
Travel Bonds Feel Different
---
Andi: 100%. And
when
I was
traveling, like,
I
really
just
felt
like
people
liked
me
for
who I
was,
And now some of the closest people I'm with, and the people I think who know me the best are the people I've met traveling.
if I'm ever
having a
really hard time or if
I need
somebody
to
give me advice
knowing
exactly
who I am,
it's
usually people
I've met traveling that I go to
Ashton: Yeah. Yep.
Intimacy On The Road
---
Ashton: I
say this at the
beginning of
all
my
tours when I
have to do a welcome
meeting,
but I
always
say
like,
travel
is so intimate.
It
is an
extremely
intimate
experience,
so,
like
be prepared
for that
with
these people cause it's
group
trips
that
I'm
leading,
and
you
get
to know
people
really
quick,
which
can
be a
bad
thing.
But
in your
case
and
what
you're
describing, like,
the
level
of
intimacy
you
create
with
these
people and
these
[00:38:00] relationships
You don't get that in normal life
Andi: No, and it goes from, like, zero to 100 immediately.
Yeah. Like, I could meet
people
and
be
telling
them
my
deepest
secrets
sometimes within, like,
two
hours and we're just having a coffee.
Yeah. But
I
just
feel so comfortable
to
talk
to
them about
it.
Ashton: yeah
Andi: Because I also
feel
like,
you know, they're not
gonna
judge
and like,
they
don't
know
all the
backstory. They just
know
my opinions and how
I'm
actually
feeling.
Ashton: Yeah. It's so special.
Okay.
Odd Jobs And Wander Years
---
Ashton: Well, we
started
diving into your holding pattern.
Maybe just
give
an
overview,
what
other
jobs
you
had
after,
tree
planting.
Andi: this
is the
problem, like,
to
go
through
my
life,
I'm like,
Oh my God, So then, okay, yeah, so I quit the job, went back to Central America. Next year was, like,
not
making that mistake again-
Mm-hmm
on traveling
the whole
year.
So I went and
I
worked in
Barcelona
with
some
friends
I
knew.
Ashton: Work ways?
Andi: That
was
just
an illegal
job
selling stuff on the
beach. Oh,
okay.
Not
drugs,
but
stuff.
Tickets to,
Ashton: My mind definitely went there. ...
Oh, yeah,
yeah,
yeah,
You were
like
a
promoter,
weren't you?
Andi: In clubs.
Ashton: party. Yeah,
Andy [00:39:00] hates a ...party.
Andi: listening to this, I am not a clubby person. You
a club.
Oof. Um,
that's
so-
It was the worst job I've ever
had in
my
life. I hated it so much I walked across Spain.
I
was like,
"I have to go."
but yeah. That's- So traveled that whole year. Traveled the
next
year a bit,
Ashton: And you
were
doing
tree, tree planting every summer in between these trips
Andi: and
then
I
think
that's
when
I
hit
the
point
where
I
was
starting
to
feel
kinda
tired
Ashton: Great. of constant-
you
at that point? Okay.
Andi: 27. Okay.
28.
and
so
then
I
decided
to
go
back
to Peterborough '
cause
it
was,
like, the
most
home
base place
I
had
in
N-
Canada. Hold on.
Just got a job working in a kitchen and started
volunteering
at
the
shelter.
At the
shelter. And then the
next
year
I
really
liked
that,
so
I
went
back
Ashton: So
this is kind of where the travel lulled out a bit
Andi: Yeah, lulled,
and
s- was still happy being at home, the,
like,
happy, like,
recreating those relationships and, like, having a bit of a stable home base instead of just living out of a backpack
for a
bit.
Mm-hmm.
And I
was
still
doing,
like trips.
Like, I would do,
like,
a
month in the
fall
and
a
month
in
the
spring
[00:40:00] before I went tree
planting.
But then
COVID And Shelter Burnout
---
Andi: COVID
hit.
Yep.
And so
COVID
kinda
took
travel
completely
out
of
the
equation-
Yeah, '
for a bit, 'cause I also
just
didn't...
Like,
I
knew
people
that
were
still
traveling,
but
I
didn't wanna
travel
with
rules
I
was
working at
a
bar,
working at
the
shelter,
which
was
like... it
was more
of a drop-in space,
but
I say shelter
cause
it's easier
to
describe
it.
Ashton: Yeah, And- were you... You were
cooking
there?
Andi: the food program. Mm-hmm.
Ashton: Running
Andi: it was very, like, kinda what I'd always
wanted
to
do
and
what I
really
had
dreamed of doing for a
long time.
So
I
enjoyed
it a
lot.
Didn't
enjoy all
the
trauma
that came
with it.
I remember I would have to run home from my therapy appointments, 'cause
it was COVID
so
they
were online.
And
at
one
point
the therapist
was
like...
I told her
about my day,
and
she was like, "
If
you
wanna
have a glass
of
wine
while
we talk,
I
totally understand." And I
was like...
Just held up my, my, mug that was already filled with wine,
That's
Ashton: Okay, so you did,
the
food
shelters
for
four
years,
and
then is that when you started getting into lodge work?
Andi: Yeah. '
Ashton: You've lived [00:41:00] so much life.
Andi: I know. Wow. God. And Peterborough was great for, like, while it- lasted and stuff, but I think, again, it was the same as like the first time I'd moved there.
I never really decorated my apartment. I never really felt like I was gonna stay there. Like, a lot of the times I was like, "I just feel like there isn't enough here." Like, my friends were great, but I had gone as far as I could with the, like, food program stuff. I didn't really wanna do anything else
in town. I
didn't
wanna
work at any
of
the
other places,
and so
I felt like it was time to go. And then the work just got so much that I, I ended up
like get,
getting diagnosed with like CPTSD
from it. So hard. And
like it was just, my
anxiety was so
bad from the
job.
Yep. And I was like, it was the classic of like being the ultimate people pleaser.
And like I really wanted to help people and I found it really rewarding and really satisfying, but also it's not the kinda job you can
leave at home.
Like,
I'm
way
too
empathetic to have those clear lines. And I think because it was a smaller community,
I
had
such
close relationships
with
people-
Oh [00:42:00] ...that
you would worry
so
much.
And
it
was
just
so
taxing
and
daunting.
so I was like, "
I
gotta
go."
Oh.
Lodge Life And Nomad Friends
---
Andi: So I really
did
a
180
and
started
working
for
Ashton: Rich people.
Andi: at heli ski lodges
instead.
Ashton: That is quite
the 180.
Andi: Truly.
I remember the first winter at the
lodge when I heard
people were
watching a
movie in the hallway and
it sounded like
fights,
and
I
got
so
stressed
'cause I was
like, "
Oh,
God. There's a
fight
breaking out."
No one
else
could
understand.
No. They were like, It's a movie.
Ashton: Okay.
well I
guess
that
kind
of
catches
us
up to where
you
are
now, right?
She's
doing lodge work in the winters and tree planting in
Andi: Yeah.
And then it still
kinda felt
like I was traveling a lot.
Like, I didn't have a
permanent
address
for
like
three
years
while
I
did
that. I would
just
follow-
work.
Ashton: Yep,
This
is the first time
I
paid
rent
in
over
a year.
Andi: Yeah.
But it's also amazing how expensive
life
is
without paying rent.
Ashton: Yeah. I think you just find other ways to spend your money
Andi: Yeah,
'cause I would like
stay
with
friends
but
take them
out for
dinner.
Ashton: Right. You
feel
like
because
you
don't
have
expenses,
I'm
living
the [00:43:00] rich
life.
I did that in
November I
went
to
visit
all my
friends
who live in
Europe, and I was
like, "
I got this guys. I'm paper
chasin'."
Andi: guy." And also, I
was willing
to
spend
so
much
money
on
hotels sometimes 'cause I was
just like-
God, I
need to
be
alone
Andi: Yeah, and I think that's... a
lot of
my
friends
in
Vancouver
were
friends I
met
traveling
still-
Yeah.
Ashton: Yeah.
Andi: travelers.
Ashton: Yeah.
Andi: And
so
I
feel like
they still
totally
understand
the
mindset,
and
they
still understand
Ashton: You're still
around people who understand you.
Andi: And
being like, "
Do "
whatever
you
want."
Like,
absolutely
Was
stoked
to
see
you, but
I'm
glad
we'll
still
see
you
for dinner.
Travel Itch Vs Settling
---
Andi: Which was good, 'cause I feel like in Peterborough, because all
of
my
friends there
h- weren't
travel
types
and
didn't
really
have
any
interest in
in that,
one
of
my
biggest,
like,
points
of contention
or,
like,
any
issues
I
had
with the
friendships
was
that
I
was
always
leaving.
Right.
And they it
really
personal.
Ashton: And
there
wasn't,
like,
space for
that
...in
your
relationship with them?
Andi: And they just couldn't understand wh- they took it so personal that
I
didn't
like
them
enough, and
that's
why I was
leaving,
versus
I
think
I'm
always
gonna
have
this [00:44:00]
traveler's
itch,
and
I
like
being
able
to...
If
there's
an
opportunity
for
me
to
go
on a
trip,
I'm
probably
gonna
take
it. Yeah.
Ashton: I relate to that so deeply
Andi: Which sucks. And, like, I d-
did have, like, a really close friend of mine,
and
it
did
kind
of
ruin
our
friendship.
And
we
were
really
close
while
I
lived
in
Peterborough,
but
then
I
had
to
hit this
moment
where I was
like,
" You're
not...
You
take it so
personal
that
I'm
not
there,
and
I
can't
make
this
a
priority,
like, if
I
wanna
live my life."
Ashton: that's tough.
Andi: Which was hard,
because I still feel guilty about it all, and I think they're probably still mad
at me for
it, but then I just had to do, like, the w- pros
and cons and being like, okay, well, i'm never gonna move back
to
Ontario,
and
you're
always
gonna
wish
that
I
would,
and
I think there's always
gonna be this tension
cause
you
can't
understand
why
I would leave."
Yeah,
Versus I
think
Nelson
is a
great
community
t- for
people
to
settle,
because
it's so
nomadic.
Like,
so
many
people are
constantly
coming
and
going.
And I think that's
why I like it, because
I still
feel
like I can be myself
All my best friends,
like,
I was like,
Ashton: Yeah
Andi: [00:45:00] proud
of
you."
Like Yeah. "
But
also,
if
you wanna
go
longer,
we
understand."
Ashton: And I
think
there's
something
special
about having, community
to
come
back
to that is not
dependent on the
time
you're, like,
physically
here.
Like, no matter
how
many
t-
how
long
you're
gone,
when
you're
gone,
when
you
come back,
there's
gonna
be people,
here
that are
gonna receive you.
And ...it doesn't
matter
that
you've
been gone for
six weeks because they're probably gonna be gone too,
or
Andi: Yeah, or
they're just stoked to hear about
what you've been up to
it's just
like,
Ashton: I
think
there's
something
about
being
so
present
when,
like-
you're
here
at the
same time as other people that's amazing,
Andi: And it's nice to have- In and of itself ... relationships that you can have that, where, like, I can go years without seeing you- Yeah ... and when I do, it's gonna be like no time passed.
Yeah. 'Cause I did, two years ago, in the fall I did this trip 'cause I, COVID had kind of like, kind of resolved itself I guess, and I had so many friends that I hadn't seen in years.
And
they
were
all starting to
have
kids and
get
married and settled and stuff. And I was kinda worried that, like, ugh, we're never [00:46:00] gonna really see each o- other again.
And like, we had these great times in Central America together. So I did a little tour of the world to go visit them all. Yeah. And I remember my one friend Mika, I hadn't seen her in four years. We talk maybe once every six months- Yeah ... sending some voice notes. And it was like no time
had passed. Like,
the
next morning we
had
our
routines.
Like,
I
made
breakfast,
she
made
coffee. She
took her
kid
to
work,
I
took
the
dog.
Yeah. And it
was
like,
I
felt
so
seen.
I
understood
her
completely.
She
understands
me '
cause
we
saw
each
other,
who
we
were when we were
traveling.
Ashton: Who's like the essence of who you are.
Andi: And then you're just like,
wonderful.
Yeah,
That's
Cried like, a
baby '
leaving, '
cause
you're
like, "
Well,
I
don't
know
when
I'm
seeing
you
again."
The goodbyes are, they never get easy.
Ashton: because you're like, I'm so excited for what everyone's doing.
Andi: I
can't expect you to bend your plans
for me,
'cause I'm
not spending mine for
yours,
but like,
I
really
miss
you.
Yeah.
And I'm really excited for you.
Ashton: Exactly.
Yeah.
Okay.
Facing The Holding Pattern
---
Ashton: Well,
let's
finally
get
into
the,
the depth of the
holding
[00:47:00] pattern.
which
I know
you
already
talked
about,
like,
a
lot of the
emotions
you were
feeling
in
that.
So
I'd
love
to
go
reflection mode
on
it.
In that
time
period,
after
your
eight-
eight-month
solo
trip,
tree
planting,
back
home for
the
first
time,
was,
like,
some of
the darkest
depression
you
had
felt,
right?
Yeah. And
what did
that
look
like
for
you?
Like,
were
you not
getting
out
of
bed?
Were you
not
taking
care of
yourself? How does depression show up for you?
Andi: I think I still will get out of bed.
Like, people
won't
really
know
necessarily
that I'm super
depressed a lot of the time.
But
Ashton: ん。 Yeah.
Andi: to do anything. Like, I was drinking a ton. Like,
I
would just go out with friends
and
try and, like-
Yeah ...
distract
myself.
But I
didn't really
have
any
goals.
And I just
felt stressed- Yeah ...
like, that I
was disappointing everyone, and like I find that really
overpowering.
Ashton: you
said, it was
really [00:48:00] hard
to
just
know
what
direction you
needed
to be moving in.
Can
you remember
anything
that
helped
you
finally
get
to a
point
where
you
were
able
to
find
direction?
Andi: getting out of that town
for
a little
bit,
and then
having a
little
perspective to,
like, look
back and
be like,
wow, you're so miserable, 'cause
I
think
a lot of the time
I
don't
realize how
low
I'm
feeling,
too.
I think, for
me at least,
I
had
depression
really...
Like,
I struggled with it a lot when I was in high school, and I'm at the point in my life where, like, depression and anxiety are always going
to live with me.
Mm-hmm.
Like, I'm very
used to
coexisting
my space
with
them.
They're
not
the
main
player
in
my
life,
Ashton: They're not debilitating.
Andi: I'm very familiar with them. And
like, some days I
wake
up
and I'm like,
Wow,
boy,
oh
boy,
do
I
wanna
die
today."
And then like, gonna
go
get
a
coffee
and
carry
on with
my
life then.
Ashton: How-
do you get
through
the,
the, day
when
you're in a period
like this?
Coping Tools And Bed Rot
---
Andi: going for a big, long walk really helps me, especially nowadays. Like, I think,
to
think
about it more, like instead of thinking about it during my time in Peterborough years ago, [00:49:00] because I was so young and I hadn't really
learned coping
mechanisms with
it except for running away, as opposed to
now.
I
think
I've
had
enough years of,
like, learning when
to accept that
I
always will
have
that. Mm-hmm. And It's
going to be
something
that...
It's
not an
everyday
thing.
It
just
shows
up
sometimes,
and
sometimes
it's
just
a whisper,
and
sometimes
it's...
feels
more
like a
scream
in
my
brain.
Ashton: how
did
you get to the point where you can see it that way?
Andi: I
think
just
slowly
coming to
terms
with the
fact that,
like,
I
would
always
run
away.
Like, if
I
ran
away,
it
would
go
away,
and
so
I
just
Ashton: And you were aware of that?
Andi: Yeah, and I noticed that, like, I felt so much better if I was on the road.
If I was always doing something, I wouldn't feel debilitatingly depressed, or it was always going to be a whisper when I was constantly distracted by things. And
so I
think
for the
last
couple
years I've been able
to
be,
like,
on
the go
and
constantly
moving,
and
slowly picking
away at
what
that
feeling
is a little bit, instead of coming home and being completely overwhelmed by it.
And then being like, I knew I [00:50:00] wanted to settle eventually. Like, I knew I was gonna find somewhere where I wanted to live,
and
when that happens,
I know
it's...
the
voices
are
gonna
come
back.
Like, I know
that feeling will
start
popping
up
more
regularly,
and
it...
I don't
wanna
keep
running
away
from
it.
And
so,
you
know, I
started
seeing a therapist,
and,
like, coming
up with
coping
mechanisms
from that.
But like,
I
hate journaling
I hate it. Yeah, that's not
your
thing.
No.
Everyone
tells
you
write
it
Ashton: I
mean, that's
my
thing,
so
it's-
Andi: I'm not gonna do
it,
I feel like
I'll
go
for
long
walks.
A
Ashton: that's a,
that's
a
form of
journaling.
It's
meditative. Anything that you sit with your own thoughts,
Andi: own thoughts.
Mm-hmm.
And a lot of
times
too, like, I'll do the...
I'll walk
though and I'll find a podcast that kinda, like, is gonna make me feel emotional.
Yeah
or
like,
feel
something.
Yeah.
And that'll
distract me a little bit.
And then
every
once in a while, like
once
every
six
months,
I can feel it coming along and I have a full-on bed rot.
'Cause I'm
pretty
adamant,
like, that
if I'm
feeling really shit, I'm not lying in bed
all day.
Like, I'm
[00:51:00] gonna
force
myself
to
go
out-
Right ...
and, like, hang
out with friends.
I need
to
do
something
social.
Mm-hmm.
Like,
go
grab
a
beer
or,
like,
go
for a long walk, but
with people, '
cause it... I
feel like
the
people
in
my
life are
the
people
that
pick me up and
make
me
really
inspired to keep
going
all
the time,
...and
they're
the
people that bring me so
much
joy
in
my
life.
Yeah.
So
it's
just
easier
to
hang
out.
Yeah.
But
every
once in a while
I
just
have
a
bed
rot
day and I like-
I'm
like, "I'm gonna order pizza that's gonna
make
me
feel
like
shit.
I'm
not gonna leave my
bed.
I'm gonna
doom scroll all
day long."
Ashton: I
mean,
sometimes
you just
gotta
do what you gotta do to get through the day
Andi: But now I kinda get excited
when
I
feel like that,
cause
I
don't
do
it
very
often.
So
I'm just like, can
feel
the
depression
starting
to
sneak
in,
I'm
just
like, "
Andi: think, I think I'm gonna have a bed rot day.
Ashton: I
think you
need
to
acknowledge
your
own
feelings
and feel that way.
It's
just,
Making Friends With Darkness
---
Ashton: I heard
some,
maybe
it
was
a movie,
I
don't know
what I
just
watched,
but
somebody
was like, "
Make
friends
with..."
They
were
using
chaos
in
this
sense,
[00:52:00] but
like,
make
friends
with the
depression."
Yeah. "Don't build a house with it.
Andi: it. That's a really...
I
definitely
can
relate
to
that.
Ashton: you
don't
need to
overextend
your stay-
with it. like- With the
bed rotting.
Andi: And
I
think
it's, it
was more
damaging
for me to
have
the
i-
idea that,
like, one
day it would
go
away,
and I'd
have to fix it.
Like, I ha-
I
can't
have
this depression.
Like,
it's bad.
Like,
I gotta
find a way to
get
rid
of
it,
as
opposed
to just being like- if it's just a light whisper, That's
fine.
Yeah.
Also, I
love
dark
humor,
and I've met so many great friends
from
just
talking
about
this.
And like,
I
can
call
some
of
my
friends
some
days
though, and
just be like, "
God,
I
feel
like
shit."
And
they're
just like, "
Oh,
I
get it."
Ashton: Yeah.
Andi: that I think, has helped
Ashton: Oh, it's, that's so important.
Andi: it's, the only thing you need is just somebody else
being like, "Yeah, it
sucks."
Ashton: Yeah.
Just I'm there with you
Andi: Yeah. Come o- if you wanna come sit on my
couch
and
stare at a wall
for
a
while,
that's fine
Ashton: Well, thank you
for
sharing
that.
I
relate
deep-
I,
I,
don't necessarily [00:53:00] deal with
the depression, but
I
am
well acquainted with
anxiety.
Andi: I think in the last couple years we've done, like, a slow transition. Like, the depression is getting quieter, but the
anxiety is
like- Yeah ......running in
with so much power.
Ashton: Yeah. I struggle with it a lot.
I, I think
what you
said
about
acknowledging
that
it will
always
be there, like, it's
gonna
be...
Also,
we
need anxiety
......as
humans.
Like,
it's
there to
protect
you.
It's fear,
evolutionary,
Ashton: So it's
not like we
want
that
to disappear, but
making friends
with it, not a house. Yeah.
Relating to
depression
and
anxiety, but
that specific time of
your
life,
like
where
you
said you were
at
the lowest
......you've
kind
of
experienced
on the
one to
10 scale,
where
probably at a
one you'd
say?
Yeah.
Andi: negative three. Yeah.
Ashton: Nine.
Yeah. Nine, Okay, negative
three.
Obviously
Growth Through The Lows
---
Ashton: that's
not the
most amazing experience
you've had
in your life, but
like,
what
about going through
[00:54:00] that
has
made-
your
life what it
is
now,
Andi: I think
in w- a
lot of ways,
like, it's not
something that I
reflect
on a lot,
Ashton: Yeah
Andi: it's not
something that, like, completely destroyed my life, and I think
when I
am
going through
rough
times, it's definitely
something
I
think
about. Being like, "
This
is
just a
now.
It's a
temporary
thing.
It's
not
gonna
be
forever."
Yeah.
There's
ebbs
and
flows
in
life
at
all
times.
Like,
you're
never
gonna
be
a 10
constantly.
Ashton: Yeah.
So...
you think
just
going
through
the
experience
within
itself
was a lesson-
to show you that it didn't, it didn't last forever?
Andi: No, it
didn't, last
forever?
And, like, there's growth that comes from it. I've learnt better coping skills 'cause I went back to therapy, and I, like, learnt
how
to
coexist
with
the
anxiety and
the depression
instead
of
just really
crumbling
to
it.
Mm-hmm.
Which I think helps. And, like, having certain people that I
can talk to
about
it now.
And, like,
it helped
bring me so much
closer to
people
that are
also
going through it sometimes. Like, I can relate so well,
and that's-
Yeah ...
a
[00:55:00] great
feeling
to
know,
like,
other
people
go
through
this
too,
And,
like,
I
went
through
it,
so
I
can
help
other
people
know
that it
gets
better.
Absolutely.
And, like, I can sit with them too.
But for the
most
part, I
think
it's
just
been the
learning
curve of being
like,
you
can't
run
away
from
it
all
the
time.
Ashton: Like you have to sit in these
Andi: I have to learn to sit... And so moving to Nelson, a big part, like, when I first moved here, I was just like...
I think it was within, like, three nights of being
at my
place
for the first
time, I
was
like,
started
having,
like,
the
tightness in
my
chest, and be like, "Oh
my
God, I
think I'm
gonna
have a panic attack,"
for
no
reason, but just
the
fact that,
like,
I'm
so...
And
I'm, one,
so
excited and
thrilled
to be here.
But
I
was like,
within
three days,
I was
just like, "
There
it
is."
yeah.
"And she's getting louder." But this
Ashton: Ja. I like, I
Andi: kinda knew it was gonna happen. And so
I would
immediately
just
get
up,
put on
my
coat, and,
like, go
for
a
walk.
Ashton: I
always
say
this
about
if
you
can
develop
these
tools
or
coping
mechanisms
or whatever
you
know
that's
gonna make
you
feel
better
when
you're in
these
moments,
if
you
just [00:56:00]
have
them
in your back
pocket and you don't
have
to
think
about it
when
you're
in
that
moment-
it's
there.
You
just,
you
put your coat on
and
you walk
outside
Andi: didn't even think twice. We just... Literally felt my chest get, like,
all tight and
I was
just
like,
God damn it." Just walk away. "I was excited to
watch a
movie." And, like, putting my coat on and being like,
"Well,
I'm gonna go-
Ashton: Yeah ...
Andi: a
walk around the block
a couple of
times,
send
some
voice notes to some friends maybe,
listen to
music."
Ashton: And
if
you're
in one
of
those
periods,
and you're looking
for
something to
make you
feel
better,
but
you
haven't
developed
any of
those
skills-
prior
to,
that's
when
you're gonna
fucking
combust-
because there's nothing there.
Andi: I know. And anxiety and depression's kinda like a cold. like if you nip it in the bud really
early- Right.
you can kind of,
you
can avoid the
downward spiral. But if
you really
don't
know,
have
any coping skills,
I
think
that's
when,
for
me
at least, it
gets a
lot worse
.........really ......
quickly, '
'cause
I haven't tried to
combat
it, and
then all
of a sudden it's so much harder
to climb out.
Ashton: Yeah. Yeah. Which is why
I
l- love
talking about this,
because
even
just
hearing somebody else's [00:57:00] coping
mechanism,
maybe
you
haven't dealt
with depression, you
haven't
dealt
with
anxiety,
there's
m- so
many
other
problems you could have.
Just
hearing
somebody
say
like, "Well, what
helps
me
is
going for a walk,"
which
I know that's a very
basic,
everybody knows that one.
But
just
.........hearing
other people's
tools,
their stories, I think that in itself helps
Andi: And
I
think
just
constantly
knowing,
like,
other
people
are
going through
it
too,
like
you're- definitely- Mm-hmm ......never
alone,
and
I
think
it's
more
people
have it
than
don't.
Every
once in a while I meet
somebody that's
never
been
depressed
or have
anxiety, And
I'm like, "
Ashton: Yeah. Or
just,
like,
been
through
shitty
periods in their
life.
and like,
Andi: Also 'cause, like, who wants that? Yeah. Honestly. I kinda like,
you
get through
it you're like, God,
that
was
awful," but like I'm
so
much stronger than
I was
Ashton: I'm a, I
like
whoever
this version of
myself is
way better.
Andi: Yeah. Everything I've done has changed me a
little bit, but I like,
for
the most
part
Ashton: Yeah ...
Andi: Yeah ...how I react to [00:58:00] things.
Ashton: And
I
think like
the
way
we
live,
these
ups and
the downs,
I
think it's w- why
I
keep doing it.
Is because
who-
every
time
I
enter a low
period and
I
get
through
it,
the
version of myself on the
other
side of
that,
I
love
her.
Every time I'm like, "Okay.
Andi: like, Oh,
Ashton: hey, girl."
Andi: I like myself more now.
Ashton: And
you get
to know
a
different
version
of yourself every time
too.
Of like I didn't
think I
could
do that."
Andi: could do that"
it leads you to people that love you for who you are and how you are, and
like it helps you
build
your community. a little bit. Yeah.
Ashton: Yeah.
Andi: when you're down, you kinda have to reach out. Yep.
Ashton: Yeah.
Andi: And I think
like- Yes,
being vulnerable with people is what helps
bring
you closer to
people.
Ashton: Yep.
Andi: Look
at
us.
Ashton: I
live
my
life
by
that.
vulnerability
and
authenticity,
Like if
everybody
could do
that with their
friends, with their family,
I
think the
world would
be a
much better [00:59:00] place
Andi: Absolutely. Like, I remember when I
was
living in
Halifax
with
the bedbugs
and the
depression, like, it was
such a
dark
time.
And
I had
another
friend
from
Ghana,
and
we're
still
very
close,
but
she
would
call
me
every
day at
like
PM
after
I'd
gotten home
from
work,
and I
would just
sob
on FaceTime,
and she
would just sit there.
And we did it every day, 'cause she was like- You just have to check in with me. But
I would
just
cry.
And it
was,
like
three weeks, but
I just
will
never forget, like-
Mm ...that
was
love, and it
was
that
simple and basic, But just
being
with
somebody and
being like, "I
can't fix it for
you, but I
can sit here with
you,"
I
think is really
all
you have to do. Yeah.
Ashton: Yeah.
I
can be guilty of
falling
into
the, like,
I wanna
fix
it so
bad
for- the people I love.
Ashton: But
I'm- I'm
very
much learning,
just
sh- hold
space,
and
I'm trying very hard to
learn how t- how
to
be
comfortable
with
that in
myself,
Andi: I think that's all you can do sometimes.
Ashton: Yeah.
Well,
those
are
great,
like,
insights
and
tools out
[01:00:00] of
hard
periods, but like you said, you
have to go through them.
You have to go
through the holding
pattern.
Andi: You really
do. You
have Also, if you didn't
go through
it,
life
would
be
kind of
boring, I
Ashton: why I
always say you would be a very boring
Andi: You
would. You
would suck.
'Cause also- ...'cause you meet
people
sometimes that
haven't had hard
times,
and honestly,
they're boring.
The more the trauma, the funnier you
are.
Ashton: I
mean,
they're
not
on
this podcast,
so
Andi: Ha ha
Ashton: they're not telling their cool ass life story. I'm just
Andi: yeah. If you have depression,
you too could end up working
on a beach in Barcelona illegally.
Ashton: I can
envision
it. you on the
Andi: Also, I'm so pale.
I was like
a
lobster. Being like, "You
should come to
this party
tonight."
one wants to go to
I
realized
sales is not for me-
Ashton: Every
experience teaches you something.
Andi: Yeah, we crossed that one off the board. And I was like-
Ashton: On to the next.
Well,
thank
you
for
sharing
all
of [01:01:00] that
and
your
story,
and like
I
know
it's vulnerable in itself to
just
talk about
your
low
moments, so
I
appreciate you
being willing
to
talk about
it.
Advice To Younger Self
---
Ashton: how I've been
ending
the
episodes is
what...
And
I know
it's kind
of a cliche
question,
but
going
through
these
holding patterns,
these
low moments
full of
depression, and anxiety,
and
...loss of direction,
what
would
you
wanna
tell
your
younger
self
who's,
let's
say,
sitting
in
that
Nova
Scotia
house,
Andi: I think especially just for, like, younger me specifically, I would just, like, do whatever makes you happy. Like, I wish I'd started doing stuff for me
earlier, 'cause I still struggle with it. But I think a lot of, like, my
early
early 20s and
being
in
Ontario,
I
think I wish
I'd
just
started
trying
earlier
to
do
what
makes
me '
happy,
cause
I
don't
think I
had
any
idea. I think I
was
just
happy
to
be
with whatever
anyone
else was doing.
Ashton: d- do
you feel
like
these
periods
taught you
what
made
you [01:02:00]
happy?
Or how
did
Andi: the
traveling
helped
me figure out
what
made
me
happy.
But
also
realizing
sometimes,
like if
I
do
reflecting,
like
I'm
with
this
group of
people, I'm
doing all this stuff, but I don't actually
like
any of it,
Ashton: Yeah. I mean, that's
great
advice.
Do
what makes
you
ha- It's so simple.
Andi: It's so simple.
And people tell you that all the time. Yeah. But, like, you don't actually do it.
Ashton: I think
when you
end
up in this lifestyle, you inherently
are
taking
a lot
of risks.
not
just a
travel lifestyle, but just
one
with a lot of highs
and
lows,
whatever
that
may
be.
Maybe
it's
being a
nurse or
like,
I
don't...
It
can
be so
many
different
things. But
anything
that you take yourself out of your comfort
zone,
I
think you
are
listening
to
yourself
enough
to
take
that
risk.
But
if
you're
not
leaving
that
comfort
zone
to
like,
hear,
do
what
makes you
happy
can
feel,
you
can't even
conceptualize that
people
would
do
something that
makes them
happy.
Andi: stop thinking
you have to do what everyone else is telling you to do
Like- Yeah ...
I knew I wanted to
travel. I knew I wanted to, [01:03:00] like,
kinda let loose and, like, do
whatever I wanted for me. ...
Ashton: And that was within you
the whole time. It's not like it just appeared. It's
just when you give the time to actually hear it.
Well,
I love
that.
Thank you.
That's great advice. I'm so happy you came on.
Andi: Oh, we finally did it.
Ashton: Finally. I know. It
took a
long
time,
but,
um,
yeah, thank you for sharing everything. I really appreciate it.
Andi: it. I appreciate
you.
And to
Ashton: